


Makers Breath

by mythicalbard



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-27
Updated: 2017-12-19
Packaged: 2018-10-11 13:33:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 209,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10466196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mythicalbard/pseuds/mythicalbard
Summary: Kassy was just an ordinary gamer, who was obsessed with Dragon Age, Dragon Age Inquisition to be exact. She never expected to be apart of that world, except through her cosplay group. When she was transported to Thedas, she realizes all the characters were real. Now she has to find a way home, try to fit in with this world, and catch the commander's eye. Slow burning romance.





	1. Chapter One

**I do not own any characters. They all belong to Bioware….oh sweet maker Bioware. Enjoy the story and make sure to leave comments! I will try to update a lot, especially since I was so excited about this story. Hopefully you enjoy it! It is a slow burning romance, and I am sure there will be some smut later. Rated M for language and future lemons.**

**Chapter One**

I hugged the controller to my chest with a deep sigh. This was it. This inquisitor story was over. Another seventy plus hours of loving, if not sometimes annoyed, play time written in the Dragon Keep. I felt a shiver go through me and goosebumps rise on my arms as the thank you note from BioWare came on the screen. “You’re welcome,” I whispered, hoping that somewhere a creator of this soul turning game was listening.

I gently set the remote on the coffee table and stared at the main screen of Inquisition. I grabbed the gray blanket I dubbed my gaming blanket and wrapped it around me, wanting to fully experience the emotions I was feeling from the first playthrough with Trespasser. Maybe next time I will try to romance Solas and see how the ending goes with that. Maybe. Who was I kidding? I needed to know! I picked up the remote selecting new game and felt the excitement of picking out a new character. Rogue elf it will be. Solas, you bastard, your heart will be mine. Also, all the elfroot.

A couple hours later I sat on the couch, blanket tight around me, leveling up in The Hinterlands before heading to Val Royeaux. The sound of the lock on the door made me look up as my roommate came in with a big hello.

“Don’t judge me,” I blurted out, as I quickly saved my game. She laughed and came over studying the screen.

“Why would I judge you?” She asked as she set down her purse. “Wait, did you make a new character?”

“I need to know,” I almost shouted, knowing that I hit my limit in Dragon Age playing for the night. I checked my phone, 2 AM. Shit, I had to get up in 5 hours.

“You’re too funny,” Sarah laughed as she put her drinks in the fridge. “I felt the same way after Dragon Age II. I’m going to start over with Origins so I can have all of it saved when I do Inquisition.”

I turned off the PS4, grabbing the bottom of the blanket so it didn’t drag. “Alistair romance or Zevran?”

“The elf of course,” she sighed. “Always the elf.”

“You wouldn’t be saying that if you romanced Cullen. Humans all the way,” I argued, thinking of the way his voice made you get butterflies inside. Damn it Bioware. Why did you have to go and ruin all men for me?

“I was going to do Solas.” Her voice snapped me out of my Cullen day dream and I rolled my eyes.

“You would go for the nerdy elf.” I grabbed a cup and filled it with water, ready to get into bed and fall asleep thinking of Cullen.

“If you played Dragon Age II you would understand. Fenris is my soulmate. Once you go elf you can never go back,” she explained, heading to her bedroom.

I turned off the kitchen light, following her down the hall. “I am pretty sure I would have chosen Anders anyhow. Them blonde troubled Chantry boys just get to me.”

She laughed, waving goodnight to me and closed her door after letting her cat Sam in. I went to my own room, turning on my lamp and flopping on my bed. I should have forced myself to gone to bed sooner. The twins were going to be a handful tomorrow, I just knew it. I sighed, knowing I wouldn’t give up being a nanny. Besides, it was just until I finish my degree online and get a business job.

I felt lame at still not having a degree at 24. Only two more years to go. I hugged my pillow and picked up my phone, making sure to set my alarm for the morning. I tapped my Pinterest app, knowing I would be up for another half hour searching through Dragon Age and food pins.

A message from Leaha made me halt my surfing and see what she had to say. I smiled at the message, a reminder of our Dragon Age cosplay group having it’s first session tomorrow night. I sent back an excited looking emoji and a dragon GIF. Tomorrow, I was the Inquisitor.

\----

I felt nervous as I sat in my car, waiting for Leaha to show. I felt silly in my Renaissance Faire clothing, and wasn’t quite sure I got the rogue look down. Leaha’s silver car pulled up and I grabbed my keys and got out of the car, adjusting my corset and cape.

I studied myself in the reflection of my car and felt my usual confidence that came only when wearing Ren Faire clothing. This outfit was new this year and it was by far my favorite. The theme of the outfit, black. I like the spy/rogue look and felt Leliana esc when wearing it. My black leggings and chemise complimented the black silk rose corset. I ran my hands down my sides, loving the way the corset gave me a nice figure. The black wool cloak hung perfectly around my shoulders, and the hood was large, making it the perfect thief cloak. I adjusted my strapless bra and chemise, trying to make my breasts attractive but not slutty like some of the girls do with cosplay. My brown boots were already muddy from the parking area and I adjusted the bags on my belt, making sure they were in place.

“Looking good Inquisitor!” Leaha called jogging up to me in her Cassandra cosplay. She put a hand on the hilt of her sword on her side. “Where’s your weapon?”

I laughed and moved my cloak so she could see my daggers on my belt. “I decided on rogue. Though warrior would have been pretty bad ass.” I examined her outfit, admiring the details she put into this outfit. She spent a good chunk of the year getting the armor to perfection. “You look amazing. I would have thought you were her if I didn’t know any better.”

“Thank you,” Leaha exclaimed, posing in a very unCassandra like pose. “When they said they wanted to do Dragon Age cosplay I claimed her right away!”

“I’m a little nervous about this Leaha, I’m not going to lie. How come I’m the inquisitor? I was hoping for a more background like character. Like Leliana or something.” I pressed the lock button on my keys before dropping them into my pouch on my belt. “Shouldn’t someone with more seniority get that role?”

Leaha laughed and shook her head. “Everyone chose different party members and I told them you would be a fun addition and that you make amazing Inquisitor characters on the game.”

 I rolled my eyes. “Anyone can make a character. It’s literally the whole point of the game.”

“Yes,” she began and she sighed. “I know you still have some self confidence issues with losing weight and everything. But Kassy, you look great! You are hot in that outfit and you are so funny. That is another reason why I said you should be Inquisitor. You always chose to go the funny Inquisitor instead of murder like or self pity.” She wiggled her eye brows at me before leaning toward me. “Plus, I hear the guy playing Cullen is hot.”

I took another quick glance at my reflection in my window. After losing over 80 pounds, I still felt like I did when I was heavier. My light brown hair was actually working with me today, hanging in loose waves and deeply parted to the side, giving my bangs an Ariel like look. I still wasn’t used to seeing a jaw line on my face and my eyes were very blue with all the black. I sighed and felt my face go red. “Alright, let’s do this.”

 Leaha led the way, her armor changing colors in the sun. “We’re here! Sorry we’re late!” Leaha yelled, jumping over a rock. “I have the inquisitor!”

I blushed as I felt all eyes on me. Leaha went to stand next to a girl, I assumed took the part of Josephine based on her yellow ruffled shirt. I gave a small wave and did a quick glance over everyone. No one’s cosplay came close to being as good as Leaha’s. I felt better knowing this and I walked closer to the group.

“I’m Commander Cullen, Inquisitor.” A brown haired man took a step toward me, his smile making me a little nervous. I held out a hand, assessing his outfit. If he didn’t introduce himself as Cullen, I would have never guessed.

“Nice outfit Commander,” I offered, trying not to laugh at his attempt at making Cullen’s robe like armor. It looked as if he just cut the arms off a bathroom and attached a brown boa to the top of it. The rest looked as if he had armor for other cosplay characters. He had a sword on his hip and I knew he probably bought it at a Renaissance Festival.

“My mom made it,” he teased. “It’s the best I could do with my budget and little knowledge of making cosplay. I’m working on a new one, but for now, this is what I could come up with.” He shrugged and looked at his outfit again. “To be clear, my mom didn’t make this.”

“You got the scar perfect,” I said with all seriousness admiring the man’s makeup skills. He gave a half smile and I felt nervous again. “Well, later.” I blurted awkwardly, heading toward the rest of the group.

“I’m sure you have things to do,” pretend Cullen said with a knowing smirk. As I walked toward the group, a realization hit me. We were a bunch of early to late twenty year olds, playing dress up in the woods, based on a video game. I felt proud and embarrassed all at the same time.

“Inquisitor,” Leaha called, waving me over. I smiled and made my way to her, taking in the woods as I went.

“What’s up?” I asked, noticing the guy who was cosplaying Solas flirting with cosplay Sera.

“We were going to head to the Hinterlands to close a couple of rifts. We could use your help.” She winked at me and mouthed “go along with it”.

“That’s what I’m here for.” I held out an arm, waiting for her to lead the way. We made our way, following the path, laughing and talking about the other cosplayers. As we made our way to a clearing, I felt complete surprise as a bright green light, exactly like a rift, shone through the darkening sky like a beacon. “You guys take your cosplaying seriously.”

“That isn’t us,” Leaha said, annoyance in her voice. She jogged over to cosplay Solas and Cullen who were talking to each other in almost panicked voices.

“Did you do this?” Fake Cullen demanded as Leaha got to them.

“When would I have the time?” She snapped. “I thought we agreed no technology.”

“I don’t know if it’s technology,” cosplay Solas interrupted. His voice was thick with wonder and fear.

“That’s ridiculous,” I laughed. “You guys, someone is probably playing a trick on us. As much as I want it to be, Dragon Age isn’t real. This is as close to it as we are ever going to get.”

“Kassy is right you guys.” Leaha turned to stare at the rift again. “Joe is probably trying to play a trick on us.”

“Joe couldn’t have had time to come out and put this here, before being stationed at Haven.” Fake Cullen had his eyes glued to the rift. “As impossible as it seems, I think this is real. There isn’t a projector or anything like that over there or up in the trees.”

“You guys are ridiculous. Your twenty something year old men. Do you honestly think this could be real?” I saw the excitement in fake Cullen’s eyes and the fear in cosplay Solas. Leaha was rolling her eyes, her arms crossed. Never could she be so in Cassandra mode. “I’ll prove it’s fake.”

I started walking toward the rift, searching the ground for any devices. Probably something small and black. Advanced technology was usual small, and black or metal. “Be careful,” fake Cullen warned, following me.

“What do you think might happen? Demons coming out of it?” I laughed and continued my search for some type of projector. We were ten feet from the rift and I could see the hesitancy in fake Cullen’s steps. “It’s just a projection,” I tried to convince him. I closed the gap between me and the rift, fake Cullen a couple feet away from me. “And apparently speakers,” I added, the crackling noise deafening almost this close. “Watch.”

I went to stick out my hand and fake Cullen grabbed my arm. “This probably isn’t the best choice.” He sighed and he glanced at the rift again. “There really isn’t a projector anywhere. Plus what kind of technology could do this quality of light and sound?”

“Dude, it’s fake.” I reached the other hand out, wanting to prove to him it could go through it and that it was just a projection. As my fingers touched the green light, a loud crackle erupted from the rift and a force tugged my arm forward. I felt panic as I felt a pressure on my arm and the green slowly made it’s way up my arm. “What the fuck?”

I felt fake Cullen pulling on my arm. “Move!” He grabbed my arm harder, trying to get my feet to move. His face was determined and panicked at the same time.

Fear took over me as the green got brighter and took over my legs. “I can’t!” I almost sobbed. Suddenly a force came from the rift, knocking fake Cullen back. “Inquisitor!” I heard him shout over the constant whooshing. The light was blinding and soon all I could see was green and an intense pressure took over, making me feel like I might never breath again. I couldn’t even scream in my panic. I heard Leaha yell my name in terror before everything went black.

\---

The pressure released itself and I felt a brief relief before screaming as I plummeted from the sky, 20 feet above the ground. I felt around to grab onto something, but everything was blurry as I fell and I closed my eyes trying to wake myself up from whatever nightmare was happening. The air was taken from me as I fell hard on the grass on my back. I felt only pain and then blackness.

When I gained consciousness, I laid there, motionless, trying to catch my breath and get some sort of understanding on what just happened. I heard voices and the crunching of shoes on grass. I felt relief at hearing my friends’ footsteps and prayed I wasn’t paralyzed.

“Well, it doesn’t look like a demon.” A familiar voice floated to my ears. I felt a shoe poke my middle and I groaned, slowly opening my eyes. I blinked, trying to fight the pain away enough to breath and focus. Mostly to understand, because there was no way possible a flesh and blood elf could be staring at me right now. Not just any elf, my rogue elf Branwen. My Inquisitor. Here. In front of me. Knife ears and all.

Maker help me.

 


	2. Chapter Two

**I do not own any characters. Bioware is the one who gets to take that credit. From all of us to you Bioware, thank you for making characters that we know we can’t have in real life. Enjoy this next chapter! Rated M for language and future lemons!**

“Your power of observation always astounds me Sera,” I heard Dorian say. Why would Sera go with them? It was always Bull, Dorian, and Cassandra. I closed my eyes again, waiting for this hallucination to go away.

“She must have passed out,” Branwen informed the group. I heard someone step by my head and felt them lean over me. I tried to keep my breathing steady, and not gasp from the pain.

“Human,” Solas told them. “I can’t tell where from though. Her clothing isn’t like any I have seen.”

“Let’s just leave her,” Sera sighed. “I’m bored. We don’t need any more humans anyhow.” I felt a kick in my back and I cried out in pain.

That kick was enough to know this was happening. I opened my eyes, recognizing the hairless shape of Solas. Seeing him, not through video game graphics and real life anatomy was hypnotizing. “Fuck,” I muttered.

Solas’ attention turned to me and he seemed to almost be studying me. _I know you and all your dirty little secrets_ , I thought to myself. “Inquisitor, she’s awake.” I sucked in a cry as I tried to move, my body rejecting any move I make.

Branwen dropped to her knee in front of me, observing me. “Solas, a potion please.” Solas reached into his pack and handed it to her. “Here.” She uncorked the bottle putting the potion to my lips. I reached up a shaky arm, the movement sending sharp pains throughout my whole body. As soon as the first sip was swallowed, the pain began to dim. When it was gone, I felt only bruised. I pushed myself into a sitting position, finally able to process words.

“Can we go now?” Sera asked annoyed.

“We can’t just leave her here. Why was she in a rift to begin with?” Branwen asked, turning to Solas.

“I can’t say. The only person I knew to walk out of a rift was you.” His eyes studied me again and I felt myself blush.

“Maybe she could tell you,” Dorian suggested. I turned to look at the real life Dorian, excitement in my veins. He was exactly what I thought he would look like if I met him on the street. I needed to be his best friend. I was determined.

“I don’t really know how to explain this to you or if you are even real,” I began, my voice a little scratchy. “I didn’t think the rift was real, but when I went to touch it, I got transported here.” I looked around deciding where we could be at based on the scenery. Somewhere in Thedas. “I have to be imagining this.”

“Transported here from where?” Solas asked.

“Um, Earth.” I didn’t know how much to tell him or if I should let on that I knew them and everything there was to know about them. When in doubt, play dumb. “I’m from a totally different world. Dimension? Plane?” I tried to think of the right words. “Where I’m from magic doesn’t exist. This place, elves, and mystical magical scary demons and monsters are just stories. Made up.” Leaha’s scream echoed in my brain. “I have to get back.”

“I do believe she hit her head rather hard when she fell,” Dorian laughed. I felt annoyed and I turned to glare at him.

“Crazy or not, can we go?” Sera whined.

“She could be lying,” Solas suggested to Branwen. “A good story for a spy sent here to obtain information on the inquisiton.”

“You think I’m the liar?” I growled. I was at a very much disapprove status with Solas.

“We should take her back and I’ll have my advisors and Cassandra talk with her,” Branwen informed the group. She stood up, her rogue armor even more amazing in person. I needed that outfit. “What’s your name?” Her eyes almost a very pale blue in reality.

“Kassy.” I answered, standing up. My body feeling as if I was doing weights all day yesterday. “So am I your prisoner or?”

Branwen tilted her head, taking me in again. “I wouldn’t use the word prisoner.”

“I would,” Sera interjected.

“Lovely,” I sighed. Might as well go along with it. As long as I don’t go in front of the Inquisitor to be judged. I was one of those players who unless they gave you a power up or something like that, they were put to death. I regret some gaming options right now.

“That’s the spirit,” Dorian teased.

“I wasn’t expecting to head to Skyhold so soon, but at least we didn’t get to the Western Approach before finding her.” Branwen began walking north, and I knew I was not going to be ready for this journey.

dfsafd

“Kassy? Is that short for a different name?” Dorian asked, as we all tracked our way through the woods. Sera exclaimed in excitement as she found an odd flower…what was that? Solas and Branwen walked together in companionable silence in front of us, occasionally looking back to look at me.

“Kassandra,” I replied quickly. “My mom loved the name. Read it in a book.”

Dorian’s eyes lit with amusement. “Are you sure you don’t prefer being called Kassandra?”

I shook my head, knowing he wanted to make some mischief at Skyhold. “I always thought it sounded to fancy for me.” I saw his amusement dwindle a little. “I never caught your name.”

“Dorian.” His reply was almost like a proclamation. My inner geek giggled.

“Well Dorian, if you prefer, you could call me Kassandra instead. It does sound like a more official name, doesn’t it? A name some one important would have.” I saw the amusement come back to him and he laughed.

“If only you knew,” he chuckled. In my head I heard a _Dorian slightly approves_. “Kassy will do though. No use in pretending to be someone you’re not for my amusement.” His smile remained as his attention went to Sera who was now searching for something behind a tree. “Before falling from a rift, what did you do for a living?”

I was so not prepared for this. What was the equivalent to nanny in Dragon Age world? Besides, why would I chose to be a nanny here. Think of something cool, but not unbelievable. Also not spy. I don’t want to die. “Bard,” I found myself saying. That felt right. I knew enough songs to get by with that. Also, some guitar. All my D&D characters were bards too.

“I find that surprising,” he said as he took in my outfit. “You don’t seem to be…dressed for the part.”

I laughed at that. “I wasn’t planning on falling through a rift and doing any performances today.” Or walking 100 miles. I already felt my body yelling at me in anger with every step I took. “In fact, I planned on just chilling on my couch and…” play Dragon Age I finished in my head. “…read a book.” Lame. You are lame. Does he even know what chilling means?

“I see,” he drawled. “And those daggers you have on your belt?”

I forgot about the daggers. I looked down and saw them still peace tied from going to the Ren Faire. I wasn’t planning on actually using them during our session. Think fast Kassy. “Fashion statement.” I lied. It was Dorian. He understood fashion statements right?

“Ah yes. I heard decorative daggers is the it in high fashion right now.” Sarcasm dripped from every word. “Shame staffs aren’t in demand. I look rather dashing with one.”

“Mr. Sass,” I muttered. This was going to be a lot harder than I thought. I was probably going to die here. If I didn’t get beheaded by Branwen, I was going to die fighting a demon or any creature. Why didn’t I try learning swordplay or archery. I rocked as an Inquisitor with a bow. Hmmm…crossbow? Didn’t Varric say it was easy to use and that’s why dwarfs couldn’t use them? “I bet you look dashing in anything Dorian.”

“Andraste tits come back here,” Sera yelled, almost shoving me over on her chase of a small animal.

“Right you are,” he chuckled.

Asfdadsf

We must not have been as far from Skyhold as I thought we would be. Branwen announced we would be reaching Skyhold the next day by mid afternoon. I felt relief and panic go through my brain at once. Relief from the constant walking and panic at what would happen once we got there.

The food of choice was what to be expected. They hunted and collected berries along the journey. I never witnessed someone kill a ram as aggressively as Dorian. Even in game. I stood awkwardly in the back, my daggers taken from me when Solas heard I had them. “Until we are certain.” Stupid wolf.

So I sat on a rock, watching them chase a ram and then skin it. So here, there wasn’t a carcass of bones for you to pick up. You actually had to do the work. Figures. Solas started the fire and the four companions sat and talk. Solas only interjected a few times, while the other three chatted animatedly.

I observed the snow around me, trying to take in as much as possible. I knew that I probably looked a mess. I hadn’t brushed my hair in the past week, my clothing was dirty, and my “bath” was a quick jump in the river. At least my hair wasn’t super greasy. I turned to look at the other four and how they looked in comparison.

Dorian was a little dirty on the bottom of his cloaks and his hair slightly tousled. Sera was covered in mud, leaves, and there was some berry stains on her pants from her searches. Her hair was slightly greasy and I felt a little grossed out by her. Branwen had her intricately braided hair that had a couple pieces falling out, that only enhanced her elven beauty. The dream look was what I made Branwen to be. Besides covered in dust and some blood stains, she seemed to fit the role of Inquisitor well. Solas seemed to have kept his outfit to perfection. As if he never went outside. Must be his god powers.

“Care to entertain us with a song?” Dorian’s voice broke me from my thoughts. “She’s a bard apparently,” he informed Branwen with a wink.

“A bard?” Branwen’s voice held the same disbelief Dorian had. She looked at me with a raised eyebrow as if to say “That’s the lie you chose to tell?” Yes. Yes it is.

“Yes,” I replied confidently. Play the part. “What kind of song did you have in mind?”

“Something that will bring tears to my eyes,” he said with a half smile. “You can tell if someone is a good bard if they bring tears to your eyes, or tingles down your spine. Well, spine and other regions.”

I ran through the songs I knew by heart in my head. What one was sad or spine tingling. At that moment, the only “sad” song I could think of was If I die Young by The Band Perry. I sat up a little straighter, and took a deep breath.

I began the song with my usual passion, closing my eyes to help remember the words. As I neared the chorus I looked up at the starry sky, not wanting to look at the others and break my concentration and get stage fright. I continued eventually, letting myself be completely lost in the words and it fueled me to be that much more passionate, even nailing that high note at the end. “So put on your best boys, and I’ll wear my pearls,” I finished softly. I knew I wasn’t the best singer, but I could get away with passing as someone who sings for money.

I finally looked at them and I was surprised by the reactions. Solas had a small smile on his face and confusion in his eyes. Sera seemed like she wanted to not show she enjoyed it so she had an odd half frown, half smile going on. Dorian sat with a smile on his face, genuine surprise in his eyes. Branwen had her mouth open in surprise before smiling as well. “Spine chills,” Dorian whispered to Branwen.

“I must say, I am surprised,” Branwen said. “It was unlike any of the songs the bards sing here.”

“You wrote that?” Solas asked, his eyebrows high.

If I was going to play the part might as well take the credit. I doubt The Band Perry would here about me singing in Thedas anyhow. “Yes. Based on a true story,” I replied, my voice confident.

He studied me for a moment, I was guessing to see if I was lying. I held my chin up and kept my eyes steady on him. “Your story? You think you will be dying young?”

I shrugged and brushed my hair from face. “If I do, then I have a pretty awesome song prepared.”

Dorian and Branwen laughed and Solas didn’t seem amused. “Fair enough.”

The conversation between Branwen, Sera, and Dorian started up again. I felt Solas’ eyes on me and I turned giving him a “I know your secret” look. He seemed puzzled by that, the fire making him seem almost mystical. I pretended to have my attention on the trio’s conversation. I knew I was in for a lot of trouble when we got to Skyhold tomorrow. If I learned one thing from Dragon Age, Cassandra interrogations weren’t pleasant.

Makers breath, how did I get myself into this situation?


	3. Chapter Three

**I do not own any characters. They all belong to the God we call Bioware. Hope you enjoy! Rated M for language and future smut.**

The view of Skyhold was the most breathtaking sight I had seen in a long time. The game didn’t do it justice. I felt a pull at my chest and knew that if I had to be stranded in a video game world somewhere, this would be the place. Skyhold was like another home to me now at this point. I hope it will be as amazing as I was imagining.

My legs were burning from the constant days of walking and the cold. I pulled my cloak around me tighter, glad for the large hood. I kept my hands under the cloak, not wanting to get frostbite. Another half hour and we would be there. I felt the anxiety in my chest and stomach and I took a deep breath of the cold air. As we got down the mountain, the snow began to disappear and soon, grass and some trees were in early summer colors.

. As soon as we got to the bridge, all talking ceased and Branwen faced her companions. “Form around her so she doesn’t try to run.” She held out her hand and Solas handed her some rope. “Sorry, it’s precaution.” I rolled my eyes and held out my hands. She wrapped the rope around my wrists and tied the knot tight. I noticed more of her white blonde hair was falling from her braided up do. Her forehead and chin tattoo was even more intricate then I thought up close. Her scar on her left eye was faded more than in game, but it brought attention to her pale blue eyes.  She gave me a quick glance, her face telling me she didn’t know what I was capable of. Dorian stood to my right, Serra the left, Solas the rear, and the Inquisitor took the lead, guiding the prisoner into her kingdom.

The bridge to Skyhold was long, and I felt I was walking to my execution. My anxiety was at an all-time high now and I couldn’t shake the feeling something bad might happen. I was putting all my hope in Josephine’s reasoning skills to help them see I wasn’t lying. Or pity in general. If they must believe I’m a crazy lady in order to not die, I will play that part.

I thought of Dad and what he would do in this situation. Suddenly, I missed him so much I felt tears in my eyes. I shook the thoughts away not wanting to let them show. He would be strong, keep his chin up, and be the warrior he taught his kids to be. Take on anything with life with a warrior attitude. If that fails, don’t worry. Things always work out for Kings _. “When you start to feel like you are in the worst trouble say, ‘I’m Kassy King and I am a force to be reckoned with!’ No one likes to deal with forces they don’t understand. It gets messy for them.”_ Hearing his voice in my head made me straighten my shoulders and walk down the bridge as if I was a leader of an army. Captain King they could call me.

I thought about who I would see when we enter Skyhold. I thought about Cole and Varric. I was curious to see how Iron Bull would look in real life. He was probably one of the people I would hope to get close too. I always included him in my party and he was a favorite with Dorian. As the Inquisitor was announced back with the sounding of horns, people cleared a path. I kept my face clear of emotions and my posture strong. Captain King. Captain King. Fucking Captain King. I didn’t make eye contact with anyone but I made sure to stay alert for anyone I might know.

As we passed the tavern on the way to the castle stairs, I saw Iron Bull, leaning against the entry, curiosity on his face. He was definitely more badass in person. He caught my eye and I kept a commander face, letting my eyes stare into his without blinking. Solas nudged me from behind and I broke the stare, paying attention to my walking.

“Inquisitor,” a recruit greeted Branwen, following her gesture for him to approach her.

“Inform my advisors and Cassandra I need a meeting. Right away.” Her voice held a tone of authority and I felt proud of my Inquisitor. Then I remembered she might have me killed. Mixed feelings happening here.

“War room Inquisitor?” He kept pace with her as we made our way up the stairs.

Branwen stopped and turned to look at me. “Just in case, we will do Cullen’s office.”

“Yes Inquisitor.” He ran off, his jog fast and determined.

“Excellent decision against the war room Inquisitor,” Solas complimented. I stopped myself from rolling my eyes. I forgot I had begun romancing Solas. “This way she can’t see the map or any plans.”

“Plus, the Commander hates surprises so it’s a good day for us all around,” Sera almost sang. Cullen. Why didn’t I think about seeing him? Of course I would. I felt embarrassed already. Talking to him in game was almost nerve wrecking, how could I talk to him in person? I only did okay before because I was a sexy warrior human with only one option for romance talk. Fuck this. Not only was I going to meet him, I was going to meet him looking like me. A size 12, and former size 24. I couldn’t be compared to these ridiculously athletic bodied people. I was surrounded by attractive beings. No I could do this. Commander Cullen, meet Captain King.

I took a deep breath, keeping the nerves low as I took confidence in my swirling cloak. If you think you are badass, you will come across as that. I felt my cloak hood slide a little further down and I knew my face was half hidden in the shadow it provided. I put a little swag into my walk like I do when walking at the Ren Faire, making myself appear the part of Captain even if I wasn’t truly one. However, what they don’t know won’t hurt them. They can’t prove otherwise. Unless they knew a way back home. If so, then I would gladly welcome them finding out the truth. Nanny Kassy. So technically, I’m the Captain of children. All two of them. Fear my army.

We made our way into the great hall, people whispering as we approached. I felt all stares on me and I almost enjoyed being the center of talk. What a change. Only important people are cause of talk. Go Captain King…or would it be Captain King? If it’s Commander Cullen, would it then be Captain Kassy? Why isn’t he Commander Rutherford? If at the ball, they say Inquisitor Lavellan, why is he Commander Cullen? Why am I so concerned about this now as I walk to what I assume is my hearing?

Branwen opened the door from where Solas’ study meets the rampart toward Cullen’s office. This was it. In a few short minutes, I would be face to face with the real life Cullen. I didn’t know if I wanted to squeal with excitement or puke from anxiety. Captain Kassy…King….whatever. Captain. Branwen stopped in front of Cullen’s door and addressed the others. “Thank you. Go relax from the journey. I’ll send for you if you are needed.”

“Inqui!” Sera whined. “I wanted to see his face!”

“Come on Sera,” Dorian grabbed the elf’s arm. “Let’s get a drink at the tavern and devise a prank that could beat this.”

“Fine,” Sera sighed. The two of them left and Solas kept his eyes on the Inquisitor.

“Be safe,” he said gently. She nodded and he gave her a smile before giving me a quick glance and turned toward his study.

Branwen opened Cullen’s door without knocking, grabbing the end of the rope that hung from my wrists. Didn’t notice that before. She pulled me into the office, the rope rubbing my skin and made the knot even tighter. Damn that hurt.

“Inquisitor?” Cullen’s voice made my stomach flip. I glanced up, seeing surprise and concern on his face.

“It’s a long story, but I called a meeting. They are meeting us here.” Branwen led me to the middle of the room and she stepped out of the way. “Solas thought she might be a spy.”

“A spy?” Cullen’s whiskey eyes noted me and then I saw commander mode kick in and he took in every detail. I told myself to stay the Captain. Be the Captain. Oh Maker he is staring at me. He stood, his frame straighter and stronger than I remembered from the game. “From where?”

“We aren’t sure. She fell from a rift.” Branwen dropped the rope and leaned back against his desk, arms crossed, studying me.

“A rift?” He said in disbelief. He walked toward me and I felt butterflies in my stomach. His walk was purposeful and slow. He was studying me and I stood at attention, chin up still. I won’t have them thinking me weak at all.

“Did you search her?” Cullen asked, his eyes searching for weapons.

“She had a couple daggers that Solas took from her. We didn’t check anything else.” She laid my daggers on the table, peace ties still on them.

Cullen was about five feet away and I hoped I didn’t smell terrible. “Her pouches?”

“Didn’t realize she had some,” Branwen told him as she glanced my way.

“Two of them,” he informed her. He walked up to me, removing the pouches that hung from my belt. I tried to remember what I had in them. I didn’t empty them from last Ren Faire and couldn’t remember what small purchases I stored in them. Curse me and my shopping addiction. At least this should be amusing.

As Cullen was removing the pouches, his eyes flickered down to my face. I kept my eyes on his as I did with Bull. His eyebrows furrowed for a second before focusing on the pouches again. I then remembered my face was half in shadow and probably looked more evil then badass. I almost blushed with how close his hands were to me. I wanted to reach out and touch the fur on his armor. It looked like bear in real life. In game, I could never tell if it was feathers or bear fur.

He walked back to the desk, not paying me any more attention. I wondered how long it must take to get all his armor on every day. Why wear armor everyday here? What was the point? The Inquisitor doesn’t. In fact, no one does. Except maybe Cassandra, but I feel those are just everyday clothes. And Bull, but he is well…Bull.

He opened the first pouch, my brown silk one with green paisley pattern on it, the first one I ever bought at the fair. “Most of this is foreign. Even the jewelry is odd.” I almost leaned around him to see what jewelry he was talking about. I forgot to get jewelry from my bags? How unlike me. Cullen turned to me with a cold stare. I felt scared right then. Shit. Commander Cullen is here. I will probably die.

“I have questions you will answer. Either willingly or by force.” His voice rang through the room, though he barely raised his voice. Shit. “Who sent you?”

I almost laughed. This was going to be easy, just don’t be a smartass. “The rift.” I gave myself a mental high five for keeping my voice smooth, like a scene from a movie when the bad guy demands answers from the hero. Good job Captain King.

“That isn’t a person.” His tone was annoyed. Shit, wrong answer Kassy. Fix it. Fix it before he uses force. Wait…maybe we want force. I’m so confused.

“It’s the only answer I have,” I made my reply almost Morrigan like, waiting to either regret that decision or pat myself on the back. He straightened and crossed his arms. Wrong answer! Wrong answer!

“We should wait for the others,” Branwen said firmly. I thanked her mentally and gave an inner sigh. If I was going to die, I hoped for a fast death.

“Inquisitor?” Cassandra asked as she strutted in, Leliana and Josephine right behind her. “You called?”

“She came falling out of a rift,” Branwen informed them gesturing to me. “Solas thinks she might be a spy.”

Josephine shut the door and locked it, standing in front of it with her board and notes. “How curious,” she commented. I noticed her hair was naturally curly, like a Disney Princess type of curl. Of course, she would be gorgeous in reality. Leliana observed me quietly from the corner of the room, assessing me. Like everyone else I met. I was glad I was wearing these clothes and not my usual ones. I couldn’t imagine walking so far in my skinny jeans and converses. I would have died. It’s remarkable these boots haven’t fallen apart. I bet she checked out my shoes. Actually, I know she has.

“A rift?” Cassandra questioned. “Do you think Corypheus sent her?”

Of course, that would be Cassandra’s connection. Well, I’m fucked. All I wanted to do was dress up in my Ren Faire clothes and pretend to close some rifts while maybe making out with pretend Cullen. Was that too much to ask? Now here I was, living the dream of every Dragon Age gamer, and all I wanted was to be in my bed, sending the gang to fetch a golden halla for the Dalish so I can get another recruit.

“I didn’t even think of that,” Branwen grumbled. “It makes sense though. Falling from a rift, claiming to be from a different world.”

Cassandra’s attention was on me now. “A different world? He can get access to other worlds now? Maker what can’t he do?” Her eyes ran over me a couple times. “What were you hoping from me Inquisitor?”

Branwen stood by Cassandra her expression different now. Before she thought me only a spy, that sang a song in the snow. Now I could see she believed Cassandra’s theory. “I thought at first for you to give me theories. I was right in thinking you would have one.” She took a step forward toward me. “Corypheus sent an excellent spy if she works for him. Dorian and I were starting to warm up to her on our way here. I thought her story may have been plausible. Why wouldn’t you have killed me though if you worked for him? And your song? How could someone he sent from a different world seem so different yet knowledgeable of our world?”

“If she was his spy, she would try to get into the Inquisition to collect information for Corypheus. She would appear normal or else the mission would be a waste,” Leliana answered from the corner. Her face much prettier in person. She looked more broken as well. I felt my heart reach out to my favorite character. “At least, that is what I would have done if I sent someone. He chose a good one as well. I would never assume her a spy by looking at her.”

“She’s yours to question Cassandra,” Branwen informed over her shoulder. I was glad for the hood I was wearing, making it easier to keep my composure.

“Commander, your chair please,” Cassandra ordered. She slowly strutted over to me, determination in each stride. It was meant to intimidate me. I’ve seen it in game. Cullen brought his chair behind me and Cassandra was right in front of me, her face hard and demanding. She pushed back my hood, then quickly shoved me into Cullen’s chair. I felt the pain from body overuse and rift falling jolt through my body and I hissed in pain.

Cullen stood to the left of my chair, his arms crossed and attention fixed on Cassandra and me. Captain King. You are Captain King. Don’t cry. You are Captain King. Role play. What would your D&D character do. Seduce or sing her way out of this. Yeah, you’re screwed. Cassandra got close now, only a foot away.

“Who sent you?” She demanded, her voice threatening.

“A rift,” I almost sighed. This answer seemed better than “no one”. Cullen sighed in frustration and I prepared for the slap that would probably come.

“And who sent you through the rift?” Her voice went louder.

“No one.” I kept my voice steady, focusing on my inner campaign characters. When in this situation, a steady voice, truths, and a strong composure keeps you tough. Don’t break Captain.

“What world did he send you from?” She leaned on the arms of the chair, her face rather close to mine. I wished for a toothbrush right now.

“The rift was on Earth. Michigan to be more specific. That’s like the equivalent to The Hinterlands. Or would the United States be considered more like the Hinterlands?” I shook my head, figuring out how to compare such a big world like Earth to Thedas would be difficult.

“How do you know about the Hinterlands?” Her tone dangerous. Busted.

“Your commander has a map on his desk. I noticed it when I walked in,” I lied easily. Cassandra glanced back at the desk and I sighed with relief internally when I saw a map was indeed on his desk. Huzzah Captain.

“What information did he expect you to find?” She was leaning in front of me again with a new fire in her eyes. She was determined to tear me apart.

“How to get back to my world,” I crossed my left leg on to my right, accidently bumping Cassandra’s leg with my foot.

“So he’s entering to worlds from rifts and he’s thinking the anchor will help him achieve this?” Her mind must really hurt right now. This would be really cool if it was true. Her theory does have me wondering how a rift ended up on Earth. Or how it existed at all seeing how this was a FUCKING VIDEO GAME!

Silence was probably best at this question. I felt anything I said to this could only make the situation worse. Her eyes gleamed in excitement as if my silence was a declaration of my working with Corypheus. She stepped back from the chair, her arms folded against her chest. “Might as well tell us. None of us take kindly to those who are loyal to Corypheus.”

“I’m flattered that you find me that big of a threat,” I said sarcastically. Damn it. Wrong thing. Reload. Reload! Why did I have to be such a smart ass?

“Dorian’s theory is that the fall made her delusional. As if she forgot her real life and her mind created this instead. What do you think of that?” Branwen looked at every face in the room.

“I think it’s more plausible that Corypheus sent her,” Leliana disagreed. Cassandra nodded her agreement.

“That would be an excellent theory if her clothing was from Thedas. I don’t believe I’ve seen anyone dressed in such fashion around here.” Josephine shook her head. “I agree with Leliana. She must be working for someone.” I looked her outfit up and down. Seriously. My outfit didn’t belong? So much for having Josephine come to my rescue. 

“Her items are too strange to be from here,” Cullen argued. “However, I don’t think she was sent by Corypheus.” I had to force my mouth to not fall open in shock. Cullen was the last person I thought to claim my innocence.

“So what do we do?” Branwen asked the group. She looked exhausted and I could tell it’s been a while since she had a good night sleep. “Keep her locked up?”

Awesome. Skyhold jailcells. Just what I wanted. Enjoy your bed Inquisitor.

“This is ridiculous,” I blurted out, surprising everyone in the room, including myself. “Honestly. Look at me. Do I look like I could take any of you out? I obviously don’t know the area so I would probably freeze to death if I tried to run away. Plus, if you take a look at my daggers, I am pretty sure they would break fast.”  I took a deep breath and turned to each face. “I’m not your enemy, however, I know I could be an asset to the Inquisition if you let me help. Don’t ask me how, but I know a lot of information that would be very useful for you.”

Branwen looked around, gathering everyone’s reactions. “What kind of information?”

“I may not be from here but I know how this whole interrogation thing works.” I leaned back in Cullen’s chair, crossing my legs again. “You’ll want this information. Trust me. The catch though, is that you can’t ask me how I know it. You wouldn’t believe me anyhow.”

“Or I could just have you killed.”  Leliana’s voice was meant to be threatening but I saw through it.

“Make it a quick death please. I hate drawn out processes. My family probably thinks I’m dead anyhow. Falling through a rift and all.” I kept her gaze, not blinking. This was going to be my thing I realized. Staring people down.

“Fine,” Branwen agreed. She turned to Josephine and Leliana. “Where do we put her?”

“There an empty room down the rampart out that door,” Cullen nodded toward the door behind him. “We can station some guards outside of it at night. She’ll be closely monitored during the day by my recruits.”

“Sounds like a fair plan,” Branwen agreed. “Josephine, if you can have a war meting set up in the morning, I would appreciate it.”

“Of course, Inquisitor,” Josephine replied with a slight bow of the head.

“I’ll inform the recruits and have some sent to the room,” Cassandra offered to Cullen. He nodded in agreement and Cassandra headed out.

“I’ll send messages to some contacts, asking if they had any situations like this as well,” Leliana told Branwen. “You should head to bed. You need a bath and sleep before our meeting in the morning.”

Branwen gave a resigned nod and looked at Cullen. “Where should I send her while we wait for guards to be posted?”

“I have some questions about her items I would like to ask. I have her handled.”

“Thank you Commander,” Branwen said before giving me one last look and leaving to go to her quarters. She closed the door behind her and suddenly I was alone with Cullen. I felt my heart beating fast. His whiskey eyes were on me again and I forced myself to breathe regularly.

“I think I owe you a thank you Commander,” I offered, returning the gaze. The scar on his lip twitched and I took that as “you are most welcome my future wife”.  Or it could be he was annoyed with my thanks.

“Let’s talk about what was in your pouches shall we?” He was so smooth in Commander mode. No stumbling at all. It made me sad to not have him stumble for words with me.

“Let’s,” I agreed. I stood up and made my way to his desk. “Is there any way we can get rid of this?” I held up my bound wrists. “I swear I won’t attack you. Not that I could. I mean…” I took a deep breath. Smooth Kass. “As much as I enjoyed this experience, I would enjoy the use of my hands more.” After a minute of silence, I remembered to add the magic word. “Please.”

“I will when we get you to your room,” he informed me, no hint of a smile on his face. “As for your items. He grabbed my brown and green bag again. “Care to explain what this is?” He pulled out a small vial of black pixie dust on a leather cord I bought at the Ren Faire last August.

“Pixie Dust,” I answered truthfully.

“Pixies?” He gave me a “do you think I’m stupid look”. “Pixies don’t exist.”

“Well where I am from, elves and dragons don’t exist,” I countered. “Be careful with that though. It’s dangerous if you get it on your skin. The smallest pinch could last a few days.” Ren Faire pixie dust stays on your skin for days after going home, even after showering, so it wasn’t a complete lie.

“Uh huh,” he muttered. He grabbed some dollar bills and held them in front of me. “And this?”

“That is money. It’s like gold to us. If you’re not careful you could get a paper cut.” I almost laughed out loud at how he rolled his eyes.

“Is any of the jewelry enchanted?”

“I wish,” I muttered. “I mean no. Unless you would like them to be. Then they could be.”

He opened the black pouch now, pulling out the keys to my Ford Escape. My Harry Potter keychain with dark curses hung from it, along with an Anna figurine keychain. I noticed my smiley face apartment key and panicked that he might have the keys destroyed.

“Careful! I only have one key to Puff!” I exclaimed. I never made another copy to my Puff the Magic Dragon colored Explorer. Would probably be super expensive to remake.

“Puff?” He leaned against his desk.

“It’s my car.” I tried to think of how to explain a car to him. “The key to where I keep my horse, which is a car. In my world that is a very sought after horse.”

“Uh huh,” he said not believing me. “And these buttons?”

“They create sounds to help my dogs hear me from far away,” I replied smoothly. Nice.

He dropped the keys back into the pouch after looking at Anna and the curse keychain. “For some reason, I don’t believe you fully.” His honey eyes met my blue ones and I gave a large grin. The grin I reserve for my dad when I try to get away with something.

“Commander,” I whispered in shock. “Are you telling me you don’t trust me?” I thought over his words. “What part don’t you fully believe?”

“Any of it,” he replied, unamused with me. Well, I tried.

“Alright,” I sighed sitting down on top of his desk. “Those really are keys,” I began. “However, I’m not sure you would believe me if I told you what they went to. You might actually buy the horse story.”

He sat on the edge of his desk as well, crossing his ankles, his arms crossed. His interest seemed to win and he studied my face. “Try me.”

“Where I come from, we have a lot of advanced objects called technology. This ranges from weapons to transportation.” I took a moment to think of what I should tell him about and decided to just stick with the car. “Anyhow, one of those advanced transportation devices is called a car. It’s heavy big and has a bunch of different parts that I honestly couldn’t explain to you besides steering wheel and tires.” I grabbed the keys awkwardly from the pouch and grabbed the one to Puff. “You put this in the ignition, which is basically like a switch, turn it and the car starts up. You just have to keep putting gas into it and then it is set to go. You guys have gas here right? Gasoline? Petrolium I think it’s called?” I could tell he was trying to process everything I was telling him. “Doesn’t matter, anyhow, it goes really fast and gets you to places in no time. These buttons lock and unlock the car without physically having to use the key.” He stared at me like I was crazy and I sighed. “I could draw you a picture if you wanted. Can’t guaranteed the quality of it, but you would get the concept.”

He ran a hand through his hair and gave a heavy sigh. “You’re right. The horse story was easier to believe.”

“Told you,” I said frustrated. “You are going to send me to where the crazy people go here, aren’t you?”

“Not yet,” he chuckled. “What about the other ones on that strap?”

“They are just keys to my apartment and parent’s house,” I replied. “I assume you know what an apartment is? They look different from your type of keys because in my world we decided to upgrade from big brass keys to ones that are light.”

“And that?” He asked pointing to the Anna keychain.

“Ah, Anna,” I said, almost embarrassed. “She’s a character from a movie. Which is like a bunch of pictures that come to life.” He stared at me as if I told him his face was growing a thick mustache. “She sings,” I added lamely, thinking that was the only explanation needed to clarify to someone what a fucking movie was. “And the strap holds the keys.”

“What does it say?” He asked, grabbing the keys from my hands.

“A bunch of spells from a book series called Harry Potter.” I saw a bit of concern on his face and realized the Templar was kicking in. “They aren’t real. The book series is made up. Someone could try to do them and all they would do was make themselves look silly.”

“Silly?” Cullen asked with a twitch of his scar. “Your way of talking is very…interesting.”

“It has been brought to my attention many times in the past week,” I mumbled. “So that is what the keys go to.”

“I have one more question.” His eyes flickered up to mine again. “Who is Puff?”

“My car. I named it after a dragon made up for little kids that is a light green. My car happened to match his color exactly. Thus, Puff, the Ford Escape Dragon.” I held my hands to my head and stared at the floor. “I just made it worse didn’t I?”

“I umm…I honestly don’t know how to reply to that explanation.” Cullen looked down at the keys and then threw them on top of my pouches. “I’ll have Dagna look at them.”

I groaned silently, knowing I would never see my keys again. I was grateful I left my phone in Puff. Hold on. Did I? I patted myself down, and glanced at the desk. No, it was safe in Puff. Thank God. Or Maker. Andraste? Thank every god. “You don’t believe anything I just told you, do you?”

Cullen glanced over at me and he seemed to really look at me. “I think that you create some entertaining stories.”

I rolled my eyes. “A no would have sufficed Commander.”

We stood in silence, awkwardness making it hard for me to formulate any plan on getting back home. I felt extreme home sickness right now and it grew at the realization I might not be able to go home again. Anger filled me. This wasn’t how being in the game was supposed to be. I was supposed to one of the party members who fall in line easily. I was the one that was supposed to be the leader and get the man. I was supposed to be the Inquisitor. And in my fantasy version, my family would be here.

I needed to be alone now. Before tears of self pity, anger, and frustration started pouring. “Any more questions or am I able to go to my room?” He seemed startled and he glanced at me, shaking his thoughts away.

“No,” he turned to his desk to study my belongings. “Unless you are willing to tell the truth.”

“I’m out of stories for today,” I replied, my words heated. Who would have ever thought I would get angry with Cullen.

“I’ll show you to your room then,” frustration and disappointment dripping in his tone. I glanced at the pile of jewelry, and Dad’s dragon claw holding a blue orb necklace caught my attention. Cullen began to walk to the door and I quickly snatched the dragon necklace, dropping it into my bra. The walk was short and I didn’t realize how close it was to Cullen’s office.

I tried to remember the room in game. The only bed closest to his was Coles. This room only had debris and a headboard. Cullen opened the door and I saw a cot in the corner. Of course. They can fit a fucking bed up in Cullen’s loft but here, have a cot.

“Here you are,” Cullen held the door open. “The guards used it for rotations so lucky for you, you have something to sleep on.”

“Fantastic,” I mumbled, sliding past him to enter the room, still covered with debris.

“I’ll have soldiers posted outside both doors,” he informed me. “Try not to cause any trouble. It isn’t an ideal situation for you but it is better than the cells.”

“Whatever you say Commander,” I replied monotoned, looking around the room and avoiding his face. I was only wanting to be by myself before the tears actually fell. I walked over to the cot and I thought of my memory foam at home. I missed my gaming blanket and soft pillow.

I sat down, the silence letting me know he left. The sun shone through the holes of the ceiling and I looked down at my hands, still tied together at the wrist. My luck was great. My eyes were getting sore from not wearing glasses and lack of sleep. I took them off to cosplay, leaving them in the car for driving. I didn’t think I would end up in another dimension.

I glanced over for a sharp piece of wood, anything to saw through this rope. I saw a broken two by four near the bed and I made my way to it, taking the board between my knees so I had easy access to the sharp edge. I began moving my hands in a sawing motion and tried to cut the rope free. The rope didn’t even break a little and I swore as a sliver lodged into my palm.

“Maker’s breath, it’s painful to watch.” Cullen’s voice made me jump and I felt my heart try to slow down.

“Of course, you were there the whole time,” I groaned. I knew my face was very red. I wanted to hide or shove him out of the room. Anything to make him not here and witness to another Kassy’s great idea moments.

“You honestly thought a piece of wood could cut through that rope?” The way he stared at me made me feel as if I told him the sky was green. I wasn’t an idiot but today I felt it.

“I read it in a book once,” I mumbled. I held out my hands and Cullen grabbed his sword, carefully taking the tip and quickly releasing me of the rope. I rubbed my wrists, not realizing how tight she had it. “Thanks.” I turned from him, putting my hood up and went to lay on the bed, hoping he’d get the hint and leave.   
I heard the door shut and I checked to make sure Cullen truly left. As soon as I saw the empty room, the tears fell. Right now, I would let myself have self-pity. Right now, I would let myself miss home so much, my chest hurt. Right now, I would let myself be angry at the situation. When these tears stopped though, I had to be Captain King again and figure out what to do.

When I woke up from a well needed sleep, I would create what I thought the Inquisitor should be. I’d be a leader and make sure to learn some self-defense. I would be what my dad taught me to be. Strong and proud. I would remember whose daughter I am.

Maker’s breath this sliver fucking hurt!

 

 


	4. Chapter Four

**I do not own any characters. Our Maker Bioware created and owns them. Join me in praising Bioware. Hope you enjoy! Rated M for language and future lemons!**

I felt myself starting to come out of sleep as I breathed in deep, trying to get myself alert. I slowly opened my eyes and blinked a few times, confused at my location. I sat up quickly, remembering exactly where I was and the events from the night before. A slight throbbing pain in my palm reminded me of the sliver I earned last night. I held my palm up to my mouth, using my teeth to get the sliver out. The instant I managed to get it, the pain receded.

I took a real look around my upgraded cell. Wood and rocks were lying around everywhere. I glanced up at the roof, trying to see what time of day it was. It was just starting to get light out; the sun hadn’t risen yet. I sighed and fell back on the cot, not knowing what to do. Would Cullen come get me? Was I to stay here all day?

The mess made my anxiety high. Even at home, my room had to be clean in order for me to have a good night sleep. I rubbed my eyes and forced myself into a standing position. I ran a hand through my hair, knowing it probably looked like a greasy rat nest. I surveyed the room, taking in what would be the best place to start.  I decided on making a large area of debris in a nice pile and then I could pile all the rest of the pieces I could carry there.

I started the process with my usual amount of determination when cleaning. I hummed some songs to myself, picking up boards and throwing them in the corner. The rocks were more of a challenge, but I managed to at least roll a couple of them to the edge of the wall, out of the way of the middle of the room. I found a pot behind a couple larger rocks and realized it was the “chamber pot”.  Yuck. Of course.

It didn’t take me very long to clear the area. A few hours and I was satisfied. Things got cleaned faster without a phone or TV distracting you. I grabbed the edge of the cot and dragged it to be under one of the holes in the roof, near the corner of the room.

“Excellent work Captain King,” I told myself. I put my hands on my hips, taking in my newly cleaned area. Already I felt accomplished. I sat down on the bed again, gearing myself up for the day. “You got this, Kassy. You will be what you always wanted yourself to be in a fantasy world. Completely badass. Or just, you know able to stay alive until you find a way home.”

I glanced down at my pants. They were covered in dirt, as well as my boots. My corset seemed to be the only thing dirt free. Miraculous. I felt something fall into my shirt from my bra and remembered Dad’s necklace. I reached in, bringing the blue orbed necklace into view. I held it in my hand, gripping it tight. He bought this at one of his first visits to the Renaissance Faire. I was obsessed with it, so he gave it to me. He said to use it for good luck. I used it whenever I knew I needed luck or having a hard time. I also wore it every time I went to the faire, keeping it in my pouch for safe keeping. Seeing the necklace made the home sickness a little easier to bear. Luck would be with me.

I put the necklace on, vowing to not take it off. If I only had one thing that I didn’t want them to destroy or have, it would be this necklace. Not destroying my car keys would be nice as well. I raised my hood over my greasy hair and squeezed the dragon claw, wishing it could communicate to my parents or my world. “I am Captain King and I am a force to be reckoned with,” I said softly to myself with as much fierceness as I could gather.

“Captain?” A voice made me jump and I spun to face to its owner. I didn’t even hear the key in the door. Cullen was standing with a hand on the hilt of his sword. His usual armor announcing his status as Commander. I glanced at the door, and realized these doors didn’t have locks. That explains why he stationed so many guards.

“Commander,” I greeted him with what I thought was nonchalance. “What brings you to my humble abode?” I gestured to my newly cleaned “room”.

He was unamused and his eyes never left my face. His eyes were dark and he seemed to be in business mode. Already? Might as well get this over with. “Captain?” He repeated. When he spoke, his voice was very clear and low. Like the calm before the storm. Try to get yourself out this one Cap. I racked my brains trying to find an explanation for this. Do I keep going with the Captain thing or tell him the truth?

Truth was that I was obsessed with pirates and spent a lot of time studying ships and how they were handled. I always wanted to be a pirate captain and ever since middle school, I dedicated myself on knowing pirate laws and how a boat was operated with a crew. With my friends, I was Captain King. The leader of the scandalous group of hipsters and geeks.

“Yes,” I replied as if he asked me my name before asking a question. “How can I help you Commander?” Alright then, I guess I was going with it.

His gaze never changed. I forced myself not to blush, meeting his whiskey gaze with my blue ones. “The Inquisitor has more questions.” He shifted his weight and crossed his arms now. “I have a few now too.”

I gave a half smile. “I figured.” After another minute of us doing a staring contest, I spoke again. “Did you want to ask them now or…?”

He nodded to me, his face still hard, and shut the door to my room. Turning to me he seemed to get taller and more intimidating. I felt my stomach get butterflies again. Enough stomach, we got our life to save.

“Care to tell the real story of the rift now? Or the reason you came through the rift, Captain.” His voice was icy as he said Captain. I knew Captains here were usually Templar and important. He probably thought I was sent as a Captain to do some dastardly deed.

These questions seemed easy in theory to answer, but they seriously weren’t buying me accidently falling through a rift. “Cursed with bad luck?” I decided to say. That was getting true with every hour.

“Why would they send a Captain? What is their plan?” He moved closer now, his voice echoed in the empty room.

“I think we have two different definitions of Captain here,” I responded, wanting to make it clear I didn’t have a bunch of Red Templars or something. Based on what I have observed, they hadn’t gone with Hawke yet.  I knew they were on high alert for people who might be associated with them. “I am a Captain of a crew. On a boat.” I pray he’ll buy this. “Bard as well,” I added, hoping that might make me seem less threatening.

“A bard?” His tone implied that I was lying about it. Seriously, believe me pirate Captain but not bard?

“Why is everyone saying that as if it’s impossible?” I asked in all seriousness. Do bards here have to go through a special initiation or something?

“You very obviously aren’t dressed like a bard.” He gestured my outfit. “You also don’t carry any instruments on you. At all.” I started to open my mouth but he continued, cockiness at catching me in a lie making him even more determined. “If you were a bard, why would your pouches me filled with jewels and mysterious objects?” He shook his head at me, a slight smile of condescension on his lips. “No, I think you are a thief or spy. My biggest question is why send a captain instead of a lower ranked one?”

“You think I work for someone as a captain? Captain is the highest ranked position on the boat my friend. No one oversees the captain,” I declared in true Jack Sparrow passion. “Except for the sea.” And rum, I added mentally.

He seemed to ignore this explanation, the gears in his mind obviously turning. “The Inquisitor is waiting,” he finally said. He pulled some rope from his belt and wrapped it around my wrists, tying it tighter than Branwen had the night before. He opened the door and walked out, waiting for me to follow.

I kept my posture tall and strutted after him, keeping up with his strides as we crossed the rampart and down a staircase. I wondered why we were taking the long way. Many stared with excitement as the Commander led the prisoner to the main stairs of Skyhold. It then dawned on me the reason of taking this way. I was going to stand in front of the Inquisitor for judgement.

I felt anger rise in me. I thought we had a deal? I would give her information if she let me go. I didn’t even ask to go, just to be able to roam around Skyhold without being in a cell. They must not think I have precious information. I’ll prove them wrong.

I had a rush of adrenaline in me and I used it to make myself seem more important. I made sure the swish of my cape was evident and that my strides were purposeful and confident. I had no fear in me. I was almost positive this was a test. Even if it wasn’t, I’m not going to let them make me their puppet.

As we entered the main hall, the crowd went quiet. I saw the inner circle near the front, mixed amongst the crowd. I kept my eyes forward and my head high. Josephine stood in the front of the crowd near the steps leading to the throne, clipboard and quill in hand. Leliana stood next to her, her focus on me. Branwen sat on the throne, her posture straight and intimidating. I noticed Solas near the steps to the throne at the edge of the crowd.

Cullen had me stop before the steps and he went to address Branwen. “Inquisitor,” he greeter her, his hand on his pummel again. “I bring before you the woman who fell from the rift. We have learned very little about her besides her most likely being a spy and apparently, Captain.”

Branwen’s surprise made me want to smirk. Her gaze fell to me. “Captain? I thought you were a bard?”

“I am a woman of many talents,” I replied. My voice rang clear through the hall. “One of them is honoring agreements.” This last part was said with some venom and I glared at her. I wish I had my glasses so I could see her expression more clearly. Thank God, I could see decently without them. Things were just a tad blurry.

I could tell Branwen wasn’t expecting me to be so vocal today after yesterday. “How can I trust someone to be a part of the Inquisition when they refuse to tell who they work for? I would be putting the Inquisition at risk.”

I restrained myself from rolling my eyes. “What answer are you looking for? Want me to say I work for Corypheus? How about Fen’Harel?” I lowered my voice and made my eyes free of emotions besides anger. “This is the last time I will tell you, I work for no one.”

“Fen’Harel?” Branwen asked crossing her legs. “The Dread Wolf? How does someone from a foreign world know of a Dalish god?”

My gaze flickered for the briefest moment to Solas, his composure the same, before addressing the Inquisitor. “As I stated last night, I know a lot.”

“Anything else before making my judgement?” She asked, her eyes thoughtful. She seemed to lean a bit to her right, her fingers drumming on the arm of the throne. “You wouldn’t believe anything I had to say anyhow,” I said in a dismissive voice.

“What is your decision Inquisitor?” Cullen inquired, his stare on me briefly before turning to Branwen.

She adjusted herself in her chair and sat tall again. “She shall work for the inquisition and share her knowledge. If we find any evidence that she works for anyone, we have her beheaded for treason. She is to be under constant watch for the first week.”

I heard the crowd murmur and I felt genuine surprise at this sentencing. The inquisitor stood and the crowd began to leave the hall except for Branwen’s advisors. I stood numbly, feeling the adrenaline leave and knees start to go weak. The ache returned to my body and I only felt relief in my brain. I was safe. Cullen was suddenly in front of me, dagger in hand, as he cut the rope free.

“Welcome to the Inquisition, Captain,” Branwen announced. She walked down to stand in front of me. She had a hint of a smile on her face. “I hope your information will prove to be useful to us.”

I met her stare and I bowed my head. “You won’t be disappointed Inquisitor.”

Branwen addressed Josephine. “Let’s have a bed sent to her room, as well as a trunk of clothing.” She glanced over at me. “And a bath with a fresh set of clothes sent to my quarters.”

“Right away Inquisitor,” Josephine acknowledged, before going to perform the task at hand.

“I’ll arrange for a watch right away Inquisitor,” Cullen informed Branwen, before strutting from the hall.

“I hope you know what you are doing Inquisitor,” Leliana whispered to Branwen, sizing me up.

“Do I ever?” Branwen joked. She gestured for me to follow her and we made our way to the door leading to her quarters. “While they get your room ready, I assumed you would want to get the dirt from our journey off you.”

“That sounds glorious,” I sighed. A bath. I couldn’t wait. “Inquisitor? What made you decide your judgement?”

Branwen froze on the step, facing me. “Cole told me your thoughts during the judgement.”

Thank the Maker for Cole. I almost nodded in understanding then remembered I was supposed to be playing dumb. “Who?”

“He’s,” she began. “Well, you’ll get it once you meet him.” She continued up the stairs. “I am not sure what happened with you and that rift, but I have a feeling the Maker sent you for a reason.”

I kept silent, not wanting to say the wrong thing. She had me sit on the couch as she went to her desk looking at reports. I tried to contain my excitement at actually being in her quarters. The room was so much bigger than it seemed in game. I got up and went to the balcony, leaning on the railing as I admired the view.

I heard the tub arrived and buckets of water being poured in it. I reluctantly left the balcony, heading to the bath. Branwen had a couple reports in her hand and she waited for the servants to leave before addressing me. “I am heading to go over these reports with Leliana. When you are finished, you are free to explore. You’ll be watched though so don’t try anything.”

“Of course,” I replied quickly, just wanting to soak in the tub.

“We’ll speak later Captain,” she said on her way to the stairs.

“Inquisitor,” I politely replied. I heard the door shut and I searched the room for the extra clothing. They were on a wooden chair by the bath. I held up the gray pants. They were going to be a tight fit, luckily, they seemed like legging material. The shirt was a white peasant shirt. The typical attire of the folk in video games. I undid my belt, throwing it on the pile of clothes along with my corset and bra. I was keeping that until it died.

I quickly stripped off the rest of my clothing, giving a sigh as I sank into the tub. It smelled like nature and I loved how clean it made me feel already. I bathed fast, wanting to explore Skyhold and the people. If they will even talk to me. I searched for something to dry off with and found nothing. Air dry it is. A fire was burning in the room and I went to stand in front of it, bringing my clothes along with me.

Once I dressed, I went to her wardrobe looking for a comb. I found it with a cry of triumph and ran it through my hair, grunting at the snarls. Eventually I got it to almost knot free, which was good enough for me. My arms got a work out from that hair. I went to the fire again, letting it dry my hair. After a half hour, I got impatient, quickly putting my hair into a French braid. I held the end of it as I searched for ribbon or a cord to tie it. I found a black cord in the desk and tied a tight bow at the end of the braid. That would do for now.

Throwing my boots back on my bare feet, I did a quick check of myself. The pants felt a little off, and they were a little stiff, but I got them on and that was what mattered right? The shirt fell long enough to cover most of my butt, even with the corset on, making me less self-conscious of how tight the pants were. Not having anything on my belt felt wrong, and I knew the first thing I was going to do. Get my stuff back.

I went and folded my dirty clothes, laying them on the chair, unsure of what to do with them. I checked to make sure I had everything, touching my neck to make sure the necklace was still there. I threw my cloak over my arm, knowing I couldn’t stay in her quarters any longer. I hurried down the stairs, taking a deep breath and preparing myself for the public. Social anxiety at its finest.

I opened the door, grateful no one was over on this end of the hall right now. I shut the door behind me quietly, not wanting to draw attention to myself. I straightened my shoulders and blew out a deep breath. “Show on Captain King,” I whispered. I felt more like my old self with my hair clean and braided, and felt less embarrassed about how people see me.

I ignored the stares of the residents, making my way toward Solas’ study since it was the quickest route to my destination. I smiled to myself as I spied Varric writing at the table near the study entrance. He didn’t notice me as I quickly grabbed the handle to the door, giving it a tug. I made sure to grab the handle behind me closing it silently, searching for Solas. I felt relief at his absence and sighed admiring the painting on the wall in person.

“You are a curious mystery,” Solas said behind me. I jumped, holding my hand to my chest.

“Didn’t see you there,” I gasped. He stood in his usual attire, his eyes making me uncomfortable. “Can I help you Solas?”

“How did you attain knowledge about Fen’Harel in a different world?” He seemed to be asking himself this question.

“Maybe I’m a god,” I whispered, waiting to see the disapproval on his face. I was not disappointed. “You seem like an elf who loves a good puzzle, so I wouldn’t want to spoil it for you.” I started to walk backwards towards the door leading to the rampart. “See ya,” I said, grabbing the handle to the door and waving. I shut the door fast, before rubbing a hand to my forehead and then to my cheek. That went well.

I smiled, looking at Cullen’s closed door. If I was going to be stuck here helping the inquisition, I might as well have some fun with it. I prepped what I was going to say in my head, feeling a swagger in my walk as my hips got into the flirtatious mode. Thank the Maker I had Branwen and Solas be a couple.

I knocked on the door, waiting for a reply. After waiting a couple minutes, I knocked again, almost hoping he wasn’t there so I can just grab it from his desk. “What?” He bellowed, clearly annoyed. This will be a lovely conversation, I could already tell.

I entered his office, pushing the door shut behind me. I began to speak before facing to speak to him, wanting to say my speech I had been rehearsing in my head before I forgot anything. “Hey Comman-.” I froze as I observed what was happening in front of me, putting a hand to my mouth to cover my smile, speech completely forgotten.

Cullen’s armor and desk was covered in pixie dust. I only remember buying the black one, where did the gold and white come from? Then I remembered. I had front pockets in my black pouch and I bought the big fairy dust necklaces to give to the twins for their birthday in a couple months. I left them in the bag so I wouldn’t lose them. This was priceless. “What?” He asked again, anger in his voice.

I cleared my throat, not able to hide the smile. I approached the desk, wondering how he could possibly gotten it on everything. I saw the cork off one and an empty vial. The two larger ones looked like they broke in my pouch and was dumped onto his desk when he went to shake out the pouch. “I was coming for my stuff, but I see you literally used my whole supply of pixie dust.” I raised my eyebrows at him. “Not cool Commander.”

“I didn’t know there was so much in the pouch,” he muttered. “It’s all over everything and I can’t get it off my clothes or hands.” He ran a hand through his hair then, causing it to sparkle in the light. “Cool?”

I would have to be more careful with my lingo. “Not alright,” I rephrased, setting my cloak on his ladder before returning to his desk. “I did warn you Commander. Did you not believe me?”

“Obviously not,” Cullen replied. “What on earth would you use that for?” He kept trying to brush it off his fur.

“Magic,” I replied with a serious tone. He narrowed his eyes on me and I rolled my own. “Calm down, it’s just glitter. Here.” I made my way around his desk, grabbing one of the papers with a pile of glitter on it. I took the couple steps to the window and shook it out, watching the glitter blow away in the breeze. The paper had only a few sparkles left on it and I repeated the process with the remaining papers, stacking them in a pixie dust free zone. I grabbed my black pouch, using my hand to sweep the rest of the pixie dust into the bag. The desk was as pixie dust free as it was going to be. I pulled the strings on the pouch, tying it tight and hung it on my belt.

I wiped a piece of hair away from my cheek and turned to Cullen. I felt myself lightly blush as I realized he was probably watching me that whole time. “I’m taking this with me,” I patted my pouch, wanting to smack my forehead for sounding so lame.

“Uh…yes,” he said, coming out of his thoughts. He cleared his throat. “Thank you for the assistance in removing it Captain.” He started to lay his papers out again, still trying to dust some of the sparkles from his glove.

I suddenly felt extremely awkward. I knew this was going to happen. I couldn’t let myself get a crush on real life Cullen. There was no way he’d ever want to be with me, and even if he did. What if I found a way to get back? Nothing could come of it. But then again, it’s Cullen. Might as well try. If you can ever talk again. Have I been silent too long? Say something! “It’s Kassy,” I blurted, kicking myself internally for acting like I’ve never talked to a man before. But he wasn’t any man.

His head popped up to focus on me, a small smile on his lips. There go those butterflies. “Kassy?” He asked.

“My name,” I replied, swiping the same piece of hair from my cheek again. “It’s Kassy.”

“Kassy,” he repeated, standing straighter.

“So, am I able to get my other stuff back?” I put a hand on my hip, looking for my other bag. “Wait,” I quickly surveyed the room. “I don’t understand. You had my other belongings checked, but not the pixie dust?”

He blushed at being caught and he shifted his weight to his right. “Not all of your other belongings.” He grabbed the daggers out from under an open book. “These are horrible by the way.”

“I know,” I replied. “They weren’t meant for fighting.”

“You have daggers not meant for fighting?” He seemed genuinely confused.

“That would be correct,” I answered, sighing at not getting my bags. At least I have my pixie dust. “I guess when they are sent back soon because they aren’t cursed or magicked or anything, drop the pouch off in my room please.”

“I’ll have someone return it,” he replied, Commander mode again. “I never did welcome you into the Inquisition.” His whiskey eyes went soft again and I felt myself unable to speak.

“Glad to join,” I offered, not knowing what else to say. “I’m going to head to the tavern now and leave you to your work.”

He nodded his acknowledgement and watched me as I went to leave through the door that connected to the rampart to my room. “Oh, and the glitter should come off in a couple days. It’s a good look for you though, Commander.” His scar twitched when he chuckled, and I took a mental picture of this man glittering in the light.

I started to close the door when I heard him say, “It’s Cullen.” I could feel the smile in my cheeks from how big it was and I squealed with glee on the inside as I finished shutting the door, not able to talk.

There was a skip in my step as I walked to my room, my emotions on cloud 9 and I knew I would be there for a while. I opened the door and froze in shock. A bed like Cullen’s was sent in here and there was a trunk in the corner. A rug laid on the floor and the pile of wood seemed to have gone down.

I set my cloak on the bed, pixie dust from my hands fell to the blanket, making me smile. I hadn’t been able to stop doing that since he told me his name. I sat down falling backwards onto the bed, arms out. Dad was right. Everything would be okay. Or as okay as it could be.

I felt a little guilty lying about my past. What a boring life I had compared to these people. I never did anything, and they all are important people to the Inquisition. How do I explain to them how I know everything about them? Well, almost everything.

I wished for a guitar right now so I could sing my heart out. I forced myself to my feet, quickly brushing down my outfit and adjusting my pants. I left the room from the same door Cullen led me out of this morning, humming to myself as I followed the ramparts to a staircase. I felt the constant surveillance of the guards and pretended I didn’t know they were there.

No one stopped to talk to me as I walked to the tavern. I took my time, taking in the atmosphere, smells, sounds, and people. As I approached the tavern, I mentally prepared myself for the whirlwind amount of people I would be surrounded by. I boldly walked through the door, taking in the site before me. It was like a glorified Renaissance Faire pub and I loved it. There was laughter everywhere and I heard a couple people cheer.

“I wasn’t expecting the Inquisitor to recruit you, however, I would have missed the entertainment you provide,” Dorian spoke behind me. I faced him, my smile returning.

“I’m just as surprised,” I admitted, then I laughed. “I didn’t realize I had such a flair for entertainment. If you say so though, then it must be true.”

His laughter made me feel at ease and he motioned for me to follow him to the bar. “Two ales,” he told Cabot. Soon I had an ale in hand and he was leading me through the crowd toward his table. “Look who I happened to run into!”

Iron Bull and Krem sat at the table, their conversation halted with our arrival. “The prisoner!” Iron Bull called.

“Hey,” I greeted them with my most “play it cool” voice. “It’s Kassy actually.”

“Yes,” Dorian chimed in. “The woman has the same name as the Right Hand and yet she would rather shorten it.”

“Give me time, I’ll think of something better,” Iron Bull announced, raising his glass to me. “Welcome to the crew.”

I raised my tankard as well, surprised with how good the drink was. I felt my stomach grumble and realized I was starving. There was a loaf of bread on the table that Dorian grabbed a piece from, offering me one too. “Here, eat this. You have a few hours of drinking ahead.”

I didn’t object, accepting the slice of bread from him. “Is this how you initiate all the new recruits?”

“Just the ones that fall out of rifts,” Bull joked. “That’s a story in itself, huh Rift?”

“That’s what you came up with? Rift?” I laughed. “I like it.” It could have been worse.

The hours wore on and Bull and Dorian were placing drink after drink in front of me and making toasts. I felt normal with these two, as if I had known them more than a few hours. “What happened to that bard?” Bull asked as Dorian came back with another round.

“Must have had things to do. She only knows a few songs anyhow, I find them rather tiresome now.” Something caught Dorian’s eye and he left the table, returning only a few minutes later. “For you,” he announced, handing me the lute Maryden was playing on earlier.

“Thanks Dorian!” I exclaimed, my head dizzy from my drunken state. I tested out the feel of it, never actually holding a lute before. It felt very much like a guitar especially this version of lute. “It sounds so beautiful!”

“Play,” he ordered, hiding his smile behind his mug.

“Any particular type?” I strummed a few notes, testing out if the chords were about the same as guitar. I adjusted myself so that I could hold the lute better, satisfied that it would be very much like guitar chords.

“Surprise me,” his mustache twitched and I racked my brains of all the songs I knew.  I began to play “I Need a Hero,” in the style of Jennifer Saunders, a favorite of mine to belt out in the shower. Bull and Dorian seemed amused as I began and as the song picked up pace and I let my voice get louder, causing more people to stop talking to listen.

I saw Sera on the stairs, the same scowl on her face as the first time I played, however, her foot was tapping in time. I never had so many people listen to me before, and I knew the amount of ale I had helped keep my performance strong. I felt pleasantly surprised as I saw Cullen strut in, his hair still somewhat sparkly. He took in the tavern, concern on his face as he searched for the reason of the growing crowd. His appearance fueled my performance and I was determined to prove I could be a bard. I looked down at the lute making sure to not mess up on the bridge.

 _“_ _Up where the mountains meet the heavens above_  
Out where the lightning splits the sea  
I would swear that there's someone somewhere  
Watching me

 _Through the wind and the chill and the rain_  
And the storm and the flood  
I can feel his approach  
Like the fire in my blood”

As I switched to the chorus, I scanned the tavern, surprised to see so many people smiling or watching entranced, gathered closer to know who was singing such an odd song. I felt disappointed when I didn’t see Cullen, then blonde hair caught my attention as he leaned against a post, amusement on his face. I grinned at him as I sang, my drunkenness giving me superpower like confidence. I finished the song, turning to Bull and Dorian who applauded.

The atmosphere changed then, and everyone seemed to talk at once. The tavern seemed lighter and the crowd went back to their tables, waiting to see if I would play anymore. I suddenly felt very dizzy and I knew I hit my drink limit. “I don’t usually care for music, but you should play more often,” Krem complimented, raising his tankard.

“I agree,” Dorian interjected. “Your songs are like a breath of fresh air compared to what we usually hear. Though I could give you a few hero suggestions.” He smiled at me wickedly.

I blushed, setting the lute down. I finished off my drink and stood up, balancing myself with the edge of the table so I didn’t fall over. “I appreciate the drinks fellas, but I am going to head back to my room while I can still walk.”

Bull chuckled at that and Dorian waved me off with a smile. “Your lute!” He called. “I paid a lot of gold for that!”

“You bought it? For me?” I heard the wonder in my voice. “Why?”

His grey eyes almost looked at me in pity. “Someone who could sing a song and make me feel like you did in the mountains, needs a lute to share that feeling with others.” He then smiled. “Enough of the heart felt talk. If you want a drinking companion here in Skyhold, I am always willing.”

I grabbed the lute, giving him a warm smile, waving to Bull and Krem, earning a loud “Later Rift!” before heading out into the fresh air a little unsteadily. The air felt great on my face and already I felt a little soberer. I gripped the lute tightly, thanking whatever god was listening for Dorian Pavus. The sky was dark and I couldn’t believe I spent such a long time in there with Bull and Dorian. No wonder I was so drunk.

I tried to focus on my walking, making a pretend straight line to follow. I felt myself stumble a little as I walked, but I kept going, keeping my eyes on my feet. I stopped and looked around, seeing how far until I got to the stairs to the ramparts. I blinked confused. Where was I? I turned in a circle. This was so much easier in the light and with a map and quick travel.

My brain tried to register landmarks, but in real life, buildings were different. I never really used the paths, I just clicked on the quick travel and went my way from those spots, or jumped off the edge of buildings to the quickest way. A wave of dizziness hit me and I knew I had to sit before I threw up. I hadn’t drunk this much since two years ago on my twenty second birthday. I knew I had to get a little soberer before I could keep walking and find my way to my room.

Picking up the lute, I strummed a few notes on it, learning the feel of how it played. The strumming reminded me of Liam. He always had a bit of a strumming introduction before any song he played. _“Take it from your big brother, people like an introduction before a song starts. Helps them prepare for the awesomeness they are about to hear.”_

My heart had a sudden pang of longing for my brother and I felt my fingers start to strum the introduction he used for one of his favorite songs he played. I felt tears in my eyes as I began to softly play “Viva La Vida” by Coldplay. I heard his voice in my head as I sang along to it. I slowed it down like he did and let myself focus on only the song.

As his favorite verse came up, I felt a tear fall from the corner of my eye against my will. Liam’s voice seemed to be as if he was beside me singing and playing his guitar.

 _“It was a wicked and wild wind_  
Blew down the doors to let me in  
Shattered windows and the sound of drums  
People couldn't believe what I'd become  
Revolutionaries wait  
For my head on a silver plate  
Just a puppet on a lonely string  
Oh who would ever want to be king?”

The lute’s chords softly echoed in the silence around me as I finished the song. I leaned the lute against the bench and wiped the tear from my cheek, glad no one was around for that performance. You promised yourself you weren’t going to cry anymore, I reprimanded myself. It was the alcohol, my mind whispered back. I glanced up at the darkened sky, taking comfort that the stars here were like the ones at home. My head was getting clearer and I recognized the gazebo outline in the dark. How did I get to the gardens?  I heard a twig snap and my head swiveled to see who it was.

Cullen stood still for a moment as if deciding if he wanted to come over or not, knowing I saw him. I focused my attention on the flagstone on the ground, embarrassed that he probably witnessed that performance. I forgot in my more drunken state that I was under surveillance for a week. “I thought you had troops that watched me,” I said quietly, my voice louder in the nighttime silence.

“It seems that my recruits had one to many ales during their watch.” His voice was closer now. “Apparently spending 7 hours in a tavern with Wicked Grace influenced them.”

I felt a giggle come out of my throat and I stood up, grabbing the lute. “Well I am sorry they couldn’t resist the temptations. I was just heading back to my room.” I finally got the courage to peek at him, hoping the embarrassed blush was gone from my cheeks.

He quirked an eyebrow at me. “You were on your way back to your room? Through the garden?”

The blush returned and I put a hand to my forehead. “I was a little drunk trying to find it,” I admitted, feeling myself start to spin again. I leaned a leg against the bench to help with the balance. “I am feeling soberer now though and will be going to my room now.” I heard the slur in my room now and hated that I could sing drunk but talking was an issue. I was standing still too long and I felt the dizziness get worse. I sat on the bench leaning my head into my hand. “At least I thought I was soberer.”

I felt the coldness of his armor against my arm as he sat next to me on the bench. I gripped the lute tighter, my heart racing. “Your first day free and you go get drunk.”

I didn’t want to see the expression on his face so I opted to close my eyes. The dizziness got worse. Bad idea. “Dorian and Bull wouldn’t take no for an answer,” I explained opening my eyes. I turned my head towards him. “They are the only ones that seem to agree with the Inquisitors decision.” I shrugged, looking at my lute with a small smile. “I’ll take friends where I can. Especially here.”

There was silence for a few minutes before Cullen spoke. “I um…I wasn’t expecting…I rather liked your song,” he said with the awkwardness I’ve only heard in game.

“Dorian likes to be entertained and I knew he would enjoy it.” I replied, before realizing I should have just said thank you. “I mean thank you.” God, Kassy. I hate when you talk drunk.

“That wasn’t the song I had in mind,” he whispered. I felt the heat in my cheeks and I met my blue eyes with his whiskey ones.

“I...,” I stumbled for words in my head. “Thanks.”

He cleared his throat and looked at his hands. “Are you okay?”

I felt my heart race even faster and I wanted to reach out and touch his hair. I smiled at the pixie dust still settled in the bear fur and parts of his armor. “I think I will be.” He met my eyes again with a small twitch of his scar.

We both stared at the garden and sat in silence for a few minutes, our breathing the only sounds I could hear. I felt my eyes start to fall with sleep and knew I needed to get to bed before I fell asleep here. I got to my feet, gripping the lute tighter. Cullen was on his feet before me and he waited for me to make the first move after our chat.

I surveyed exactly where we were and was proud of myself to realize which door led to the main hall of Skyhold. I led the way, happy I wouldn’t be making myself look any more of an idiot in front of him. I focused on my walking again, not wanting to swerve the whole time. The hall was mostly empty besides a couple people at a table near the throne. I crossed the hall to Solas’ study hoping he was sleeping somewhere with Branwen doing Fade stuff. My luck was off. He sat at his desk and looked up as we entered.

I decided to take the take it smooth approach instead of just awkwardly walking through. “Hey Solas,” I offered, waving to him as I fast walked to the rampart door, acting like this was a natural thing. He nodded his head in acknowledgement, his eyes full of questions.

I didn’t look back to see if Cullen was following me, knowing I had to get to my bed soon to lay down, the nausea coming back. The hangover was going to be bad tomorrow. I felt a pain on the top of my ribs and knew this bra had to come off soon. I put a hand to my stomach, and this corset.

Cullen’s office was dark as we entered and I blinked confused in the darkness. My eyes adjusted to the dark and I saw the outline of his desk, bookshelves, and ladder. I strode across his rug to the door that led to my room. I turned then, seeing if Cullen followed me in here. His silhouette was tall in the darkness, and the light that came in from his windows shone on his armor and hair.

“Uh, goodnight Cullen,” I softly said in the darkness.

“Goodnight,” his voice lower in the dark. Or was I imagining it? “Kassy, I ah… I hope you know I could be a friend here too.” He paused and I could see him slide a hand in his hair. “If you wanted.”

“Thanks Cullen,” I replied with a grin, knowing he couldn’t see it in the darkness. I stepped out and closed the door behind me. I felt the smile pull wider as I entered my room, falling onto my bed. I felt the sleep start to hit me and I took a deep breath, feeling the annoying pinch of my bra. I sat up unhooking my corset and reached under my shirt to unhook my bra. I grabbed them and threw them on the ground next to my bed. As I went to lean back into my pillows I realized I left the door open. Not wanting to move again, I ignored it, not caring if it was shut or not at this moment. I felt my lute on the bed beside me and I smiled to myself as I felt myself drift into sleep.

Maker’s breath, the morning was going to be rough.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	5. Chapter Five

**I do not own any characters. They all belong to Bioware, the gods of genius. Thank you to everyone who has followed and reviewed! I hope you enjoy! Rated M for language and future lemons!**

Dear Lord, my head! I groaned, putting a hand to my forehead. I couldn’t believe the pounding that was coming from it. I felt the wooziness from not getting enough sleep and felt a little drunk still. Rubbing my eyes, I tried to figure out why I was awake and what time it could be. I carefully got up, not wanting to make myself sick from the rush. There was a faint yelling and I strained my ears to hear where it was coming from.

The yell came again and I noticed it came from the direction of my open door. I ran a hand through my hair, realizing my hair must have come undone in my sleep. Slowly I stood, stepping on a boot as I did. And apparently, I kicked my boots off in my sleep. I went to take another step and felt the cool floor beneath my bare feet.  I carefully made my way through the darkness, hoping my eyes adjusted soon. There were no guards outside my door tonight and I wondered why that was.  I almost laughed when I remembered Cullen telling me about the guards being drunk. It was just him on duty tonight I guess.

I made my way to the rampart, the moon helping to light my way. I heard a yell again but it was softer, and nearby. Searching around me, I tried to find the person, looking over the left edge toward the barn. There was no one down there. Everything was quiet. I was about to return to my room, when I noticed armor gleaming in the moonlight. I squinted, trying to get a better look, but without my glasses, I knew I had to get closer.

I tiptoed toward the armor, not wanting to wake the soldier up. A hint of gold shone in the light and everything clicked. Why was Cullen sleeping on the rampart? I heard him start to mumble again and knew he had to be having another nightmare. I had an inner war with myself, wondering if I should wake him or not.

The wind blew heavy then and I felt myself shiver. I crossed my arms over my chest, trying to get warm. He had to be cold out here. Why wasn’t he in bed? The wind made up my mind and I ran a hand through my hair again, glad to be almost completely sober. The moon didn’t look like it had been more than a few hours since I left the tavern, making it about 2 or 3 in the morning.

I closed the gap to Cullen, sitting on the crate next to the barrel he was sleeping on. He was amazingly handsome in his sleep and I felt nervous about waking him up. His head tilted back against the wall, his blonde hair messed up from sleep. He had his arms folded across his stomach and his legs crossed at his ankles. His face was tense as he dreamed, and he mumbled again, saying Samson’s name.

I stood up and tried to remember how to wake people with nightmares, not remembering anything from my phycology class. Screw it. Just touch his arm and say his name. I reached out a hand, fully intending to rest it on his arm, but my fingers brushed a stray curl from his forehead instead. I snatched my fingers away horrified, hoping that didn’t wake him up. His eyes started to open a little and I quickly placed my hand on his arm as if it was there the whole time. “It’s just a dream Cullen,” I assured him softly, deciding to move my hand and take a step back.

His eyes blinked a couple times in confusion before registering me before him. He sat up quickly looking around and rubbing a hand on his face. The wind blew again and the curl fell back on his forehead. “What are you doing out here?” I asked, leaning against the wall of the rampart. From this side of the rampart I had an amazing view of the mountains, and they looked mystical in the starlight.

He ran his hand through his hair and stood facing me. “I was about to ask you the same thing.”

I raised my eyebrows at him, wondering if he really didn’t remember me moving his curl. “You were yelling in your sleep. Something about Samson.”

I thought I saw a tint of pink on his cheeks but I couldn’t tell in this light. Was Commander Cullen blushing? “I…I didn’t realize…I’ll make sure it won’t happen again.”

He leaned against the rampart and gazed out at the mountains lost in thought. “One of your favorite spots to sleep?” I tried, wondering why he fell asleep out on the rampart.

“Someone had to keep watch on you, and with my other recruits otherwise occupied, the job was left to me.” He didn’t look at me at all as he explained this, staring at the mountains.

I felt my headache pound even more and I wished for some aspirin. I had no clue what to say to his recruits getting drunk while keeping watch of me. “Oh,” was my great response. “I promise I am not going to go or do anything besides sleep, if you wanted to sleep in your bed.”

Whiskey eyes were on me then and even in the night I felt a shiver go down my spine. Those eyes. The wind blew again, adding to my goosebumps. “I should keep my post.” There was a small smile and I felt my stomach flutter again. No, it was doing something else besides fluttering. I cursed myself for not eating more before drinking, knowing that getting to the extreme drunkenness I did, causes me to puke a few hours into sleeping. I needed to hurry and say goodnight so I could run back to my room and puke in my chamber pot or other side of the rampart.

“If you insist. It is weird knowing you are out here though, and it’s getting colder,” I argued, hoping he would go to his office so he wouldn’t hear me puking.

He straightened his shoulders, pushing himself away from the wall. “Haven was colder. I’ll be fine.”   
  
“Suit yourself,” I acknowledged, starting to take a step toward my room. Hurry! Go! I felt my stomach start to send pains throughout my body. Run! “Goodni-.” I didn’t finish as I felt the gag reflex kicking into action. Not here! Not in front of him!

I ran to the side of the rampart and jumped onto a crate, making it just in time. I had one hand holding my hair from my face, while the other gripped the top of the stone wall, helping me keep balance. I felt my stomach heaving, trying to get rid of the ale in me and I knew it was going to start hurting soon. I began seeing spots from the continuous throwing up and felt my embarrassment go to an all-time high.

A hand grabbed my hair from me and an arm went around my waist to help give me balance. After a half hour of this endless nightmare, I felt my stomach stop clenching and I could take a deep breath. My knees were shaking, even with Cullen’s support and all I wanted to do was sit. I leaned away from the wall and Cullen let go of my hair, helping me sit on the crate under me.

I put my elbows on my knees and leaned my face into my hands, trying to take deep breaths. Cullen removed his arm and I felt embarrassment again. I quickly wiped my mouth with my sleeve and shook my head. “I’m so sorry,” I apologized, glancing up at him.

He was squatted in front of me, making sure I wouldn’t fall over. He shook his head. “I’ve had my fair share of this, trust me.”

I groaned. “It’s still embarrassing,” I muttered, covering my face with my hands. “I am never drinking with Bull and Dorian again.”  He chuckled at this and I looked up at him with a bit of annoyance. “Alright, this is my cue to get back to bed.”

I shakily started to get up, and he grabbed my arm to help balance me. “Feeling okay?”

“I will once I get some more sleep. I promise you won’t have to deal with me puking ever again,” I assured him, wiping the hair from my face as the wind blew again. The chill of it felt good after the cold sweats and I wanted to close my eyes and let it blow on it for the rest of the night.

“I’m sorry I woke you,” Cullen said quietly. Guilt was etched on his face and embarrassment. I either had to try to make it better or be even more awkward to make him feel better. I couldn’t let on that I knew about his lyrium addiction. In game, I never got to the point of having him make that decision yet. Do you still do that even if you aren’t romancing him?

“It’s fine, Cullen,” I assured him. “My sister talks in her sleep, so it felt like I was at home. Almost.” The reaction was a mix of complete confusion and surprise. I should get used to getting that reaction from everyone. “Plus, watching me throw up rather ungracefully over a wall was probably repentance enough. I actually think if anything, you get a few more times of waking me up before you have to worry.”

Good job Captain King, play it cool. You got this. You nailed being both assuring and awkward. It was becoming a talent. Cullen laughed and I wished I could listen to it all day. “You are being too hard on yourself. I have seen worse.”

“That’s…comforting I guess,” not completely believing him, but happy he was trying to be nice. The headache seemed to make home in my eyes now and I knew I needed to lay down. A sharp pain on the right temple from my headache made me raise a protective hand to it, eyes scrunched in the sudden assault. “I think I should get back to bed now.”

“Should you require anything, I’ll be here,” he told me. I quickly opened my eyes in shock. This was the first time anyone said something to me, word for word from the game. I knew all Cullen’s lines. I worshiped the Maker anytime that man spoke to me when playing.

Was I in a coma? Was this all something of my imagination? Will I wake up three months from now in a hospital bed, rambling about what happened? His honey eyes stared at me in concern and I felt the anxiety in me. How was this possible? How was I in video game land? How was there a rift on Earth? There had to be a reason for all this? None of this made sense and I could feel myself going crazy. I knew now that I needed to find a way back. If I did, then maybe I would wake up from the coma or whatever the fuck was happening here.

“Kassy, what’s wrong?” His tone was serious now and his forehead was furrowed. I should tell him in the spirit of honesty. He deserved at least one truth from me. I felt like such a fake when I looked at him and guilt ate me. They wouldn’t believe me if I told them the truth? He didn’t when I tried with Puff.

“I think you should know that I don’t plan on staying here indefinitely or anything.” He stiffened a little bit and I could tell he thought I meant I was planning on running away. “I will stay and help the Inquisition as agreed, but only until I find a way back home. I don’t know if that’s through another rift or…,” I tried to rack my brains, “something.”

“Everyone has given up their home for the Inquisition,” Cullen argued, his arms now crossed in front of his chest. He seemed taller whenever he got into Commander mode and my 5’9 frame seemed to be shorter than usual, which was a rather odd and nice feeling. Right now, it was odd and nerve racking. I didn’t argue well as my friends could confirm when we tried to talk politics. “How are you an exception?”

“Don’t go commander on me,” I replied with a bit of heat. My temper was easy to flare up and his tone and words made me angry. “I know that. I’m not stupid. In fact, I know more than you could possibly imagine. There is no reasonable or logical explanation I could explain to you to even help you understand how I know this.” His eyes got a little colder and I knew he was in full swing commander mode. “Look at me though Cullen,” I gestured to myself, sweeping my hand up my body.

“I obviously don’t belong here. I fell here accidently, even if you don’t believe it. I have nothing to offer you guys that you won’t figure out later. Even my songs are…pointless. I have no idea how anything works here, it’s like going back a few hundred years in my age, which I always kind of wanted to try. That’s not the point though.” I pushed a hand through my hair closing my eyes. “It’s like trying to discover how to live in a whole new life but without absolutely knowing anyone.”

I kept my hand in my hair, placing pressure where pain was building. I gave him a classic Kassy stare, reserved only for when I am trying to get a point across or get something done. “I don’t mean to sound whiny or filled with self-pity. I know you don’t think very highly of me, especially now. I just thought you should know the truth. Maybe you’ll actually believe this one.”

Cullen’s face was a mix of emotions and I didn’t want to stand in the cold breeze anymore, suddenly painfully aware that I wasn’t wearing a bra in the cold. When he spoke, he sounded as if he was struggling to grasp what I was saying. “You said you’re a captain. Didn’t you go away on trips before from home? How is this any different?”

I stared at him in an “are you fucking serious” way. “You honestly don’t get it, do you?” I couldn’t let myself get worked up about my family yet again tonight. I would find a way to get back to them. I could. I turned, heading back to my room, knowing I was beginning to be unreasonably angry. This wasn’t Cullen’s fault at all, it was my own.

“Explain it then,” he called, and I froze deciding if I honestly wanted to.

I sighed and faced him, hands on my hips. Keep your temper. “I might have gone away to other places, but there was always a sure way of getting back home. A way to let my family know where I was and how I was.” I waved a hand around me. “This is an entirely different universe! A different dimension! Nothing is the same.” I glanced over at the mountains again.

“There are so many different races, creatures, and plants that I thought was only pretend. There is no obvious way of getting back to my world. Even if I had a hint, how could I be positive I would make it to the world I’m from? My family and I are…were…close. We always knew the whereabouts of each other. If this is real and I truly am in a different life, and not unconscious dreaming this up, my family thinks I am dead or disappeared.” I turned to him again. “Eventually, if I can’t find a way back home, after not being able to find me for a year or two they will assume I am dead. The worst part is I never actually got to say a final goodbye at all.” His eyes seemed to become softer and I saw the pity there. “Don’t pity me Commander. That’s not what I am after. I just-,” I tried to find a way to end this conversation. “It is easier to convince myself I can find a way back than admitting I might never talk to my family again. Ever.”

I could tell he didn’t know what to say to this, so I just shrugged and gave him a small smile. “I’m sorry, I am tired and said some very stupid things. Enough of the emotional portion of the evening now. I am going to head to bed. I’m sorry if that explanation didn’t help relieve your disapproval of me.” I started to head back to bed. “Oh, and Samson has a way of being defeated, it’s his armor. Red lyrium I believe. Track down Maddox, he’ll have some information on it. If that helps relieve your nightmares at all.”

Cullen looked as though there were so many questions he wanted to ask. As he stepped forward, I held a hand up. “Tomorrow please Commander. We both need some sleep. I’m positive if we keep talking, your disapproval rating would be in the negatives.”

Cullen shook his head in exasperation and frustration. “My disapproval rating would be in the negatives?” Confusion was evident in his tone and eyebrows.

I stayed quiet, feeling the queasiness return. I headed to my room, picking up my pace as the wind blew again. I made sure to close the door behind me and felt the tightness of my pants pressing into my stomach. I ripped them off, wanting to have as much comfort as I could to ward off the actually puking part. I sighed in relief once they were on the floor and I went to the trunk to get a different shirt, the sleeve of the current one smelling…unpleasant.

A dark red shirt, almost like highever weave, sat on top. I threw off my white one, throwing it to the corner of the room, before slipping the red one over my head. This one was a tad bit longer, going mid-thigh, and felt like a night shirt. I fell into bed, slipping the blanket on me and drifting into sleep quickly.

\--------------~~~~~~~~~--------------_~~~~~~~~

“Kassy, there is a meeting in the-. Rough night?” I heard the door bang open and Dorian’s voice rang through the room and I groaned in reply. I reluctantly opened my eyes and realized my blanket fell off after I fell asleep, leaving my legs and some of my ass open for viewing.   
  
I blushed and quickly sat up so that my legs were bent, covering my bum and thighs. “No thanks to you and Bull,” I grumbled, reaching down for my pants. Thank God, I knew Dorian preferred men. “I had an unpleasant moment with the Commander last night.”

He crossed his arms and leaned against the wall, unconcerned with my dressing in front of him. “Have a thing for young Templars?”

I knew my face went a brighter red. “More like I threw up all of my stomach’s contents over the rampart wall in front of him.” He let out a sympathetic “ooh”. “Then we argued. I don’t think he approves of me very much, if at all.” I finished adjusting my pants and went over to throw on my bra. “Turn around please.”

He rolled his eyes but did as I asked. “Hopefully you get some approval soon because the Inquisitor asked for a war meeting. You were specifically asked to join.” I threw my bra on in a hurry, noticing that this shirt went a little lower than the white.

“Shouldn’t I be getting the Inquisitor’s approval, not Cullen’s?” I snapped my corset hooks together and started to tighten the strings. “Do you mind helping me?”

Dorian’s eyes widened in surprise before he rolled them. “I’m not a hand maiden,” he muttered, grabbing my shoulders to twirl me away from him. He yanked on the strings, making me lose my breath for a moment. “Getting the Commander’s approval will help you in the long run. I have a feeling that you will be working with him more than anyone else here, besides the Inquisitor.”

“Did I mention how handsome you look in that outfit Dorian? I bet every man here can’t keep their eyes off you, or woman for that matter.” I gasped again as he laced me in tighter. “You trying to kill me?”

I heard his chuckle and he tied the strings into a bow. “Flattery does get me on your good side. As for killing you, I am doing quite the opposite.” He spun me toward him with a satisfied grin. “The Commander will be giving you definite approval today.”  He grimaced as he saw my hair. “Do something about that though.”

I grabbed the comb provided in the trunk, yanking it through my snarls. “Trying to play matchmaker Dorian?”

He leaned against the wall again, watching me start to put my hair in a side braid. “The Commander has been too broody lately since we got to Skyhold. Walking around with sad puppy eyes. If you are stuck here, might as well have some fun.”

I laughed as I found the cord from yesterday under my pillow. “You have to high of faith in my womanly wiles. Trust me, they are not good…at all.” I made a bow with the cord and sat on the bed to pull on my boots. “Why were you sent to get me for the meeting?”

“The Inquisitor and I were talking when a report came to her attention. I offered to gather you when she asked for a recruit to do it, figuring you were not going to be a pretty sight after last night.” He laughed and strutted toward the bed. “I was right.”

I rolled my eyes at him this time, standing up, putting on my belt before grabbing my loot. “I should get a strap made for this,” I muttered to myself.

“There is,” Dorian told me, reaching into a pouch on his hip. He held out a leather cord. “You forgot this at the tavern.”

I thanked him, attaching it to the lute and put it on my back. “Talk to you later?” I asked him with my eyebrows raised. He nodded and waved me out the door.

“Go win over that Templar,” he teased. “Meet me by the tavern when you are done. Iron Bull and I wanted to help you with some weapons. If you want to live past dark spawn, then you are going to want to learn some basics.”

I felt relief in my chest and some anxiety disappear. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you Dorian.”

He waved me on and I hurried toward Cullen’s office, knowing they were probably waiting on me. His office was empty when I passed through, though I noticed some papers on his desk with Samson’s name written on it. I ran down the rampart and power walked into Solas’ study, pausing when I didn’t see him in there. Would he be at a war meeting?

I felt a little nervous strutting across the great hall to the war meeting room. I pushed open the heavy wooden door to Josephine’s office, noting the empty desk. Awesome. They were all there. Way to make an entrance Captain King. I ran through the door and down the hallway to the War Room. I pushed open the door, my chest heaving with my running. Cullen stopped mid-sentence and everyone’s eyes went to me.

I took in the war room, excited to finally see it in person. I approached the table slowly, taking in all the details of the room. The markers were fascinating, almost like monopoly pieces. I took in the daggers and noticed only a couple. So, we were in the beginning, we still haven’t entered the fade again. “Don’t let me interrupt,” I addressed Cullen with no embarrassment. “Please, continue Commander.”

He narrowed his eyes slightly before turning back to Branwen. “We will have our defenses ready to take over the Wardens.”

“Excellent,” Branwen nodded and turned to me. “Captain, I’m not sure how much knowledge you possess, but I was hoping on any you have about the Wardens and the demon rituals they have.”

I noticed Solas in the corner of the room, silently studying the meeting. “Well Inquisitor, I am assuming you saw these rituals being led by Erimond in the Western Approach?” Everyone stared at me with a mix of surprise and suspicion. Branwen nodded. “Thought so,” I turned to her, taking my lute off and setting it against the table. I leaned a hip against the table and crossed my arms. “Here is the deal. You are going to have to go to the Adamant Fortress and after you clear and path to Erimond, you’ll realize he basically brainwashed all the Grey Wardens. Clarel will be the one doing a ritual. You must hurry and get to her before she does it and convince her Erimond is crazy. Follow them to the top of the tower, before the dragon comes. Once he gets there, there is no way to save Clarel and the dragon will kill her.”

“Dragon?” Cullen asked, his mind trying to process what I was saying. Josephine was scribbling fast, her hand almost a blur.

“Yes,” I replied. “I assume it’s the same you saw in Haven.”

“You know about Haven?” Josephine inquired, her hand still writing.

“Yes, but that isn’t important.” I focused on Branwen, her elven eyes pale and wide. Her hair was perfectly in place and she seemed flawless. I felt a pimple forming on my chin from lack of usual soap and facewash suddenly self-conscious of my appearance. “Inquisitor, chose your companions for this journey wisely. I can’t tell you why, but know you need those that are strong of mind and character for this journey. The weak will break.”

Solas’ stare was piercing and I turned my greyish blue ones to his own. “What would break us?”

I returned the piercing glare. “The Inquisitor has to discover that part of the journey herself.” I turned to Branwen again. “I’m sorry I can’t tell you that part. If I was there when it happened, I could tell you more, but that is all I have for now.”

She nodded, studying the map. “When Hawke sends the word, we will go.” Her stare returned to me. “You will come along.”

“Me?” I exclaimed.

“Yes,” she continued without pause. “I want to be as prepared for Corypheus as I can. The sooner he is dead, the sooner peace can return to Thedas.” She moved to the other side of the table to study the progress of the Hinterlands.

“You don’t understand Inquisitor,” I rounded the table, making sure I was right in front of her, painfully aware I was standing rather close to Cullen.  I leaned my hands on the table. “You aren’t going to have peace once Corypheus is dead. He was the result of someone else’s doing.”

Branwen glanced up at me and she seemed almost amused. “Corypheus was someone’s doing?”

“You think I’m lying, but I’m not,” I told her with a straight face. “There is more to this story than what is happening at this moment.”

Branwen crossed her arms, her face telling me she wasn’t buying my story. “I will keep that in mind Captain. However, for now, we should get troops ready.” She glanced up at her advisors and they all nodded in acknowledgement before heading out.

I glanced at Solas from the corner of my eye and found him studying me again. His face held the same puzzled look of yesterday. Good. Wonder away you bastard. “There was another reason I wanted to talk to you Captain. Solas had a theory that we wanted to test,” Branwen informed me as she gestured for Solas to come over.

He made his way slowly, looking me over. “What theory is that?” I asked with a hint of sass.

“When Branwen came out of the fade, she had a mark on her hand that controlled rifts. I’m wondering if you falling from the rift gave you some type of fade powers.” I stared at them with complete amusement. “Don’t you think I would be able to tell if I had rift powers by now?”

Solas shook his head. “Sometimes there is a trigger that causes the magic to show. I am not sure if your world has magic appear in a subtle way.”

I rolled my eyes. “We don’t have magic in my world.”

“You have too, or else the rift wouldn’t have shown up there.” I stood opened mouthed, not knowing what to say. “We could do some exercises in the fade to see if I could help you understand the powers you possess.”

“That isn’t a bad idea Solas,” Branwen agreed. “I think you two should figure that out before we leave for Adamant Keep.”

“Yes Inquisitor,” Solas replied automatically. “Anything else you wish of me?”

She shook her head, heading back over to the map with a piece of paper in hand. “That will be all, thank you.”

I felt annoyance in every fiber of my being and I strode over to the other side of the table snatching up my lute. I threw it over my head, rushing from the war room. “Captain,” I heard Solas call after me. He shut the war room door, approaching me as I tapped my foot waiting. “If you were free later, we could begin discovering your powers.”

I quirked an eyebrow at him. “It’s funny you think I would go into the fade with you at all. I don’t trust you, Solas. I know your secrets.”

He didn’t seem phased by this at all. “I have no secrets,” he replied. “It would benefit the Inquisition, having all the information we could. That includes knowing what you are able to perform.”

We had a stare down, blue vs blue. I could see the determination in his eyes and I hated him so much at this moment. “If it helps stop Corypheus fine.” I played the dumb card, deciding now wasn’t the time to tell off Solas about his evil ways. “One hour only.”

“After the evening meal, then?” His eyes seemed to calm down and I knew he bought my dumb card. I nodded my head in agreement, watching him walk away. I gave him a two-minute head start before making my way toward Josephine’s office, grabbing the apple from her desk eating it as I entered the main hall. God, I was so hungry!

I tried to let my anger at Solas fade away on my way to the tavern. I recognized Cullen’s figure from afar talking to some recruits. I focused on the tavern, hoping he wouldn’t notice me walking by. I sighed with relief when I made it to Herald’s Rest without being seen. Iron Bull was off to the side a bit, practicing blocking with Krem. Dorian held his staff, polishing the skull with a cloth and observing the two.

I stood next to Dorian, watching the Bull in action. He was terrifying in real life. I watched his muscles move and ripple with every strike and block. Krem was tough though, matching every block Bull gave. “That’s almost terrifying,” I said to Dorian.

“I find it almost appealing,” he thought out loud, stopping his polishing to observe Bull in action. Bull heard my voice and ordered Krem to take a break.

“Ready for some training Rift?” He held a shield and sword, making me want to go to a corner and hide.

“Yes?” Not quite sure his idea of training was.

Bull laughed at me, gesturing for me to follow him to the black smith. There were some weapons laid out in a corner, and Bull looked to me in Captain mode. “Which one of these speaks to you?”

I set my lute against the wall and walked over to the weapons, studying them. I noticed a couple of curved daggers and they reminded me of something from a video game. “These,” I told him, picking them up and weighing them in my hands.

“Figures you’d go for daggers,” he muttered. “I pegged you as a greatsword girl, but I guess I was wrong.”

I glanced at the greatsword, not quite positive I’d be able to pick it up and swing it. How much heavier was it here then at the Renaissance Festival? I set the daggers back down and gripped the hilt of the sword, surprised that it wasn’t as heavy as I was expecting. “This does feel pretty bad ass,” I grinned, adjusting my grip and swinging it.

“It is an attractive weapon on you,” Dorian teased with a wink.

“Let’s get practicing,” Bull announced, swinging his sword down on me. I instinctively held mine in front of me, knowing I’d need some power to keep it from hurting me. He seemed happy with my reaction and kept swinging, yelling advice and orders at me.

We practiced for a couple hours that way. Within the first half hour, I had thrown my corset and belt off and that made it easier to fight. I felt my arms shaking and I knew I was horrible at this, but I gave it my all, pushing and following whatever instruction Bull yelled for me to do. Dorian sat on a barrel, yelling suggestions and “friendly” advice as I tried to keep my focus on Bull and his sword.

“Sorry I’m not very good at all,” I panted when Bull finally called a break. “This was the first time actually fighting against someone with a sword.”

Bull raised his eyebrows at me, and he gave a chuckle. “That was very good for the first time, Rift. Practice with me every day for the next month, and we will get you where you need to be.”

“If you want her to fight like the Ben-Hassrath,” Cassandra’s said, strutting up to us with her sword in hand.

“What’s wrong with that?” Bull asked, a challenge in his eye.

“Nothing if she was going to join the Chargers,” she commented. She turned to me. “If you want to learn to fight efficiently, let me teach you.”

I raised my eyebrows at her, still panting. “Really? You want to teach me to fight? Why?”

She rolled her eyes, striking the classic Cassandra pose that she does when she is annoyed. “For some reason the Inquisitor believes you are important for our cause. I’d rather not have you die and learn some proper techniques.”

I glanced at Bull who shrugged his shoulders. “You could always do both Rift,” he told me.

I turned to Cassandra and smiled. “I will take whatever help I can get in this department.”

She gave a small smile and nodded. “It will be a lot of dedication and practice. Are you willing to listen and do as instructed?”

“I can speak on her behalf on that,” Bull told her, looking at me with a bit of pride. “She is tough, and she gives it her all.”

“Good,” Cassandra said and she gestured toward the training field. “I’ll meet you on the field tomorrow morning after you eat.”

“Thank you, Cassandra,” I called as she walked away. “Hopefully with all this training, I won’t die.”

Dorian chuckled and patted me on the back. “Let’s go get you some lunch. You are probably starving after all that training.”

I pulled on my lute, putting my greatsword on my back with it. I picked up my corset and belt, following Bull and Dorian to the kitchen for some food. “Captain! A word!” A voice called.

Bull and I both turned and Dorian winked at me. “Seems as if someone else wants to be graced with your presence.”

“Nothing is going to happen there Dorian,” I hissed at him.

“Shh. He’s getting near,” Dorian told me, grinning at Cullen as he approached. “She’s all yours Commander,” he nearly sang, walking away with a snicker.

“I have been looking for you for an hour,” annoyance in his tone. “I would like a word with you in my office,” Cullen informed me, glancing me up and down. He saw the sword on my back and he quirked an eyebrow. “Training?”

I glanced down at my sweaty shirt and probably messy hair. No Cullen. I just naturally sweat like this. “Iron Bull and Cassandra are giving me some lessons.” He nodded, seeming impressed with me training. “What did you want to talk about?”

His eyes focused on mine and I felt a chill. “You know what,” his voice was quiet and I could tell he was losing patience with me fast.

“Fine,” I sighed. “Let’s go. Can we stop by my room? I wanted to drop this stuff off before heading to eat, I’m starving.” I headed toward the barn, not waiting for him to lead. I was tired and hungry and knew that a long conversation with a hangry Kassy was not a good one.

I found the barn, following the staircase that led to both our rooms. I felt the burning in my legs as I walked up the stairs, the training taking its toll right now. I crossed to my room throwing my sword and lute off my back, almost groaning with relief. I threw my corset on the bed and tied my belt around my waist.

Maker’s Breath, I was nervous about this conversation.


	6. Chapter Six

**I don’t own any characters. Bioware, owner of my soul, does. Thank you so much for reviews and kudos! I seriously am so flattered you are enjoying this! Hope you enjoy this chapter! Rated M for language and future lemons.**

Deep breath in and out. I felt the anxiety attack coming on. Alone with Cullen talking about how I know what I know. Alone with Cullen talking about last night. Alone with Cullen in general. No, don’t freak out. You’ve talked to Cullen alone. Sure, it didn’t go super awesome but you got this. What was the worst he could do? Not like you? Would that be super terrible? I looked down at my shirt, covered in sweat. Might as well get used to it, you are going to be like this every day for….well…awhile. This was not attractive at all. I grabbed my lute, feeling an odd comfort when it was near. Almost like a cell phone. I missed my cell phone. Focus Kassy.

Cullen waited outside his office door for me and I strode in with less confidence than I ever had. He shut the door behind me and I turned to him, an apology coming from my lips before I could stop it. “About last night, I was emotional and I didn’t mean-.”

Cullen held up a hand and I couldn’t read what was in his eyes. “I should be the one apologizing.”

“You?” I stared at him in confusion. “Why?” This was not how I thought this conversation was going to go.

“I should have been more understanding of what you are going through,” he answered, running a hand through his hair. “I don’t talk to my siblings as much as I should, but I’m still able to send them word of my where about and wellbeing.” I opened my mouth to talk but he continued, ignoring me. “I don’t understand where you came from or how different it is, but after thinking, I realized I would probably try to find a way back as well.”

I stared at him dumbfounded. What was happening? I put my hands on my hips and tried to gather a response. Why did this man have to be so amazing? “I’m sorry, I wasn’t expecting the conversation to go in this direction,” I admitted.

He raised his eyebrows at me and gave a small smile, his scar distracting me from anything else. “Am I really that brutish?”

I barely registered what he was saying, hypnotized by the smile and the hint of teasing in his eyes. “I…umm…the opposite it seems,” I found myself saying. I realized what I said, and wanted to throw myself off the side of the rampart. “Commander.” I added lamely, watching him make his way to his desk and stand with his arms crossed, looking at me. Fuck Kassy. How could you possibly be more awkward? I knew my face was probably red.

He had a grin now and I felt the butterflies again. I yelled at them, telling them to go away. I needed to think properly right now. “A compliment Captain?”

I pushed the hair from my forehead and fumbled for words yet again. “Well…dear Lord…,” I muttered. “You wanted to talk about Samson I’m guessing?” I changed the subject, hoping I wasn’t blushing harder at the twinkle in his eyes.

“Yes, Samson.” He seemed to switch to Commander so fast, it was ridiculous. “How did you find out about him?”

I sighed, knowing this question was going to come up eventually. “I just did,” was my reply. “Honestly, Commander, I can’t tell you how I know any information I tell you. It was part of the deal and you wouldn’t believe me. Just know that I know what I am talking about and that you shouldn’t shrug it off.” I tried to think of anything else I needed to add to that little speech but nothing came to mind.

“How do I know you are telling the truth? That you aren’t sending me or my army into a trap?” His eyes narrowed on me and I felt the uncertainty in him.

Time to kick into Captain King mode. “You don’t,” I told him with a straight face. “However, I know you want to believe me.” I positioned myself on the other side of his desk, getting closer to him. “Trust me, Commander, this information is something you won’t get for weeks or months without me.” I shrugged and cocked a hip, crossing my arms. “Your choice.”

Cullen studied the notes on his desk and then glanced back at me. “So eventually, I’ll learn this information anyhow.”

I thought this over. Technically he would if I did the quest in game. If I didn’t finish it before finding the well, he wouldn’t know. “Not necessarily. It all depends on how fast you could get the information. If you don’t hurry and find Maddox, you won’t be able to have Dagna find a way to defeat the armor.”

Gold eyes held mine and there seemed to be an inner war in him. He shook his head and turned to the window. “How does the Inquisitor trust your judgement? She is going to Adamant Keep, creating plans based on information you told her. I almost find it foolish and am not sure I want to take your knowledge as fact.”

I rolled my eyes, glad he was facing the window. I didn’t know how to answer him any better than I already have. “Sorry to say Commander, but I don’t need you to take my words as truth. The Inquisitor does and she knows what I have to give is important and vital.” He spun around fast, his mouth in a grim line. “Cole told her I speak the truth, and I know the opinion most have of him. So, believe me or don’t, but you are wasting my time with repetitive questions I have already answered.” Oh, hello hangry Kassy. Way to go and probably piss off the guy who was just super sweet to you. Congratulations. Badge of idiocy.

I was painfully aware of the sweaty, probably smelly, state I was in, under Cullen’s scrutinizing stare. He took a deep breath and sighed, leaning against the wall. “Do you know where I would find Maddox?”

I gave him a cheeky smile. “You want all the answers from me?” I hesitated, really observing his face.   
 “What made you believe me?”

He rubbed the back of his neck and rolled his eyes. “I decided I’ll take the risk of getting burned.” Cullen leaned forward on his desk, hands flat of the desk. “Do you know?”

I stepped back from the desk, wanting to make him earn this information. He hasn’t been the most pleasant with me and my information. “I do.”

He stared at me with expectancy, waiting for me to tell him the location. He raised his eyebrows. “And?”

I was weakening under his stare and I knew this was a man used to getting answers when asked. “You’re not even going to try and figure it out yourself? You have been pretty insulting with your lack of faith in me as an ally, yet you assume unlimited knowledge?”

Whiskey eyes turned dark with frustration and anger. “Maker’s breath, woman! You are so frustrating right now!” He pushed himself away from the table crossing his arms yet again. “What do want for this information?”

I straightened my shoulders, thinking on what I thought I wanted from him. “Trust, Commander.” He seemed unsure of me and I knew he had a hard time putting trust in people. The Inquisition seemed to be the only thing that had all his trust, probably because he helped lead it. “I’m here to help the Inquisition, not mess things up.”

“That is a hard thing for me to do,” he admitted after a minute of silence. “With my past…I trusted the wrong people.” His eyes went to mine again and I could tell he was having another internal struggle.

“Take your time then,” I said gently. “You have time, Cullen.” His mouth slipped into a half smile again and I blushed. “I’m going to hit the kitchen and then find Dorian again.” I informed him awkwardly, walking backward toward the door leading to Skyhold’s main hall, the warmth from his eyes making me jittery. I started to open the door than stopped. “See you later?”

“You might,” he said with a cocky grin. I waved to him, hurrying onto the rampart. I was dumbfounded by the way he could switch from Commander to flirty Cullen so easily. Was he really flirting though? Maybe he was trying to catch me off guard. I decided I didn’t care, Cullen grinned at me today and flirted.

I did a dance/skip walk on my way down the rampart, excited at my accomplishment. I heard laughter and turned to see Cullen leaning against his door frame, shaking his head with amusement. I felt mortified, cursing myself for forgetting to shut the door behind me. Blushing, I inelegantly waved at him and bolted to the door leading into Solas’ study.

Akdfjakjfksdjflsadjf

“No Dorian,” I repeated once again. “After last night, I am not sure I want to ever step into a tavern again.”

“You have a flair for dramatics,” Dorian commented, looking me up and down. “Though your appearance could use some work.”

“Excuse me?” I said in shock, examining myself. I had just done another couple hours of training with Iron Bull, pushing myself farther than I thought I could. My body already telling me I wasn’t going to be happy tomorrow.

“Don’t listen to him, Rift,” Bull reassured me. “I like my woman sweaty and looking like they got done fighting a dragon.” He winked at me. “It helps if they are a red head.”

“Umm… thanks Bull,” I said, unsure how to respond. “I think.”

“You know, Rift, I was thinking of your song last night,” Bull started, his face lost in thought. “Then I started thinking, if you needed a hero, I’m available.”

“What?” I asked, suddenly confused. Was Bull saying what I thought he was saying? The smirk on Dorian’s face confirmed it.

“Come on, Rift. You know you’ve thought about it,” he told me, leaning against the post. “Don’t deny it.”

I blinked a few times, looking at him and then at Dorian. I felt extremely flattered that Bull was offering this, seeing how there are so many other options he could have easily. My confidence got a bit of a boost. “I really want to say yes, Bull,” I began a bit of a smile on my face. “However, I have a feeling I am a bit underexperienced for you. Plus, I would most likely be torn in half.”

Both Dorian and Bull laughed at this, Bull recovering first. “Fair point, Rift. I assumed you were more experienced based on how you fight.” He gestured between us then. “You’re a captain, I’m a captain.”

I furrowed my forehead, thinking that over. “You think my sex will be amateur? Because that is how I fight.”

“No,” he grinned. “Fierce and passionate. You give your everything when you fight, and you follow instructions well, which is a plus for me in bed.”

“Your rejection doesn’t have to do with a certain Templar?” Dorian fished, a knowing grin on his face.

I glared at him, wanting him to drop the whole Cullen thing. “Doesn’t the Inquisitor want your company anymore?” I asked with a scowl.

“She’s busy with Leliana and Verric for the next few days,” he informed me. “Besides, I much prefer watching you blush.”

“Templar?” Bull repeated, thinking it over. “Not a blonde one?”

“You two are the worst,” I growled. I threw my lute over my shoulder, ready to head to my Fade study with Solas.

“Hey Rift,” Bull began. “Why are your skills so amateur if you are a Captain?”

I didn’t think about that. I shrugged my shoulders, thinking what would be the closest to truth for me. “We didn’t fight much, really. Just sailed and drank, looking for treasure.” Bull seemed to accept this answer and I sighed internally. I hate having all these lies. _But they are for your own good,_ my brain told me. I knew it was right. I just had to stay close to the truth. We did go sailing and drank on boats. Our treasure just happened to be clothes or cute boys at the beach. “I’m going to be late meeting Solas.”

“Later at the tavern then?” Dorian asked, looking me up and down. “I was hoping tomorrow we could do some history knowledge in the library after your training.”

“Yes, to the history lessons, and no, to the tavern,” I replied, starting to walk away from him.

“Your fans want to hear your music,” he urged, eyebrows raised in mock scrutiny. “Would you deny them that?”

I sighed, knowing I wouldn’t win this one. “Fine. But no ale or talk about Cullen.”

“If it pleases the Captain,” he agreed. “Two hours then?”

“Two.” I confirmed. I waved and made my way toward the main entrance to Skyhold. Alright Captain, time to learn some Fade magic. Would I have magic? I wanted to take a bath and cuddle in my gaming blanket with a couple hours of pure Hinterland quests. Maybe do enough quests to talk to Cullen about his lyrium addiction, furthering our romance.

“You think riddles and yet they are truths,” a quiet voice said.

I looked around searching for Cole, seeing nothing. “Cole?”

He appeared in front of me, his head tilted. “There are so many emotions in your head right now, I don’t know what one to choose.”

I stood awkwardly, shifting my weight to my left foot. “What do you mean?”

“I wanted to help you, ease your pain, but you don’t have a clear way of doing it.” His pale eyes focused on my face and I felt uneasy.

“Honestly Cole, I know your thing is helping, but I don’t think there is a way for anyone to help,” I told him, using my nanny voice. “I appreciate it though.” I heard Cullen a few feet away, talking to a soldier.

“Cullen is the same,” he informed me, then he tilted his head and his eyes were unsettling on me. “You are like the night sky. A star that shines bright, trying to light the path for others, but they don’t see it,” Cole said in a hushed voice.

I felt my heart hammering in my chest at his words. “Do you?” I wondered aloud.

He nodded and I felt a pang at my heart. How I wish I met Cole sooner. I thought of Branwen and Cullen and I wish they believed the information I told them like Cole did. At the thought of Cullen, I blushed, remembering the way he laughed at me as I left his office.

“Cole,” Cullen’s voice said behind me, and I felt a chill go down my spine at his voice. I pushed the hair from my forehead, trying to keep my thoughts from being on him. “I wanted to ask you about-.”

Cole’s attention turned to the man behind me, “He’s the only light in the chaos. A comfort and hope in your pain.”

My face was probably a bright red and I wanted to run in embarrassment. “Who?” Cullen asked, confusion evident in his voice.

I cleared my throat and rubbed a shoulder in humiliation. “I have to talk to Solas,” I said in a very unKassy like voice. I wanted to kick myself. Can I be any more obvious? “Nice meeting you, Cole. I’m sure we will talk again soon.” I timidly met Cullen’s glance. I could see the gears working to put together what Cole just said. “See ya, Cullen.”

I swiftly exited, running up the stairs to the entrance, looking over my shoulder once to find Cullen watching me. Without my glasses, I couldn’t tell what his expression was, so I slipped through the doorway and out of sight.

Afsflskdjfasklj

“Try again,” Solas instructed. I closed my eyes again, thinking about the rift. “Now let the energy of the fade fill your mind.”

I focused only on the rift and the crazy energy that the fade gave. I felt a tingling in the back of my mind, coursing through my body. I tried to do as Solas said, letting the energy take over and fill my mind. As soon as it was there it was gone.

“We are getting closer,” Solas told me in a satisfied voice. “Did you sense the fade in your body?”

I nodded, surprised I was actually enjoying the lesson. I didn’t think I would feel any type of magic, but Solas assured me that there was some type of magic in me. I played along at first, wanting the hour to be over with. Within a half hour though, I was pushing my mind, trying to capture whatever magic was forming.

“Why wouldn’t my magic be obvious?” I asked Solas, actually wanting to hear his history lesson.

“You don’t have magic,” he told me for the third time. “Magic created the powers that you have.”

“So, I have powers because of fade magic?” I inquired.

“Yes,” he confirmed. “I believe it is harder for you to embrace them since you come from a place where magic isn’t very strong.”

“What power do you think I have?” I wondered, trying to fill my mind with the fade again.

“Much like the Inquisitor, you are able to control the Fade,” he told me.

“Control the fade?” I asked. “Mind powers?”

“Sight power,” he told me. “You are able to generate a source of power that uses the force of the Fade against the enemy.”

“I’m not following,” I sighed, trying to understand what he’s saying. “I blast them back with force or what?”

“You are essentially able to create minor rifts to the Fade,” he replied patiently. “These would have to be closed with the Inquisitor’s power.”

I raised my eyebrows at him. “How is this sight?”

“You must envision the Fade in your mind, and in reality, for the rift to open. Only then will it work properly.” He gestured around him. “Thus, I thought we should have our lessons here.”

“Cool,” I breathed with a smile. I felt a pain in my head and I quickly put pressure from my hand on it.

“The exercises have been hard on your mind. We will have another lesson tomorrow.” Solas informed me before I was sitting up in my bed. How did I get here?

My lute lay on the floor and my sword leaned against the end of my bed. I swung my feet to the edge of the bed, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. That wasn’t as unpleasant as I thought it would be. Damn it Solas! I wanted to just hate you, and here you are, trying to be helpful.

I stood, reaching down to pick up my corset. I debated putting it back on before heading down to the tavern. I felt the pain in my abs from the sword play and decided against it, picking up my comb and pulling it through my hair. The snarls came out fast and I re-braided it, tying the bow at the end. I noticed my light brown hair against the red of my shirt and wished I could pull off blonde.

Grabbing my lute, I followed the stairway down to the barn, avoiding Cullen’s office. I saw the horses as I skipped off the last step and smiled. I never was good at riding them, but I loved petting them. I trotted over to the stalls, falling in love with a dark brown one. “You’re handsome,” I crooned, stroking his mane.

“That’s the Inquisitor’s horse,” Blackwall called to me from the main floor of the barn. I made my way over to him, observing the way he carved a wooden horse.

“What are you going to do with that?” I asked gesturing to the horse.

“I’m not sure yet,” he replied with a smile. “Blackwall,” he told me offering a hand. I took it with a smile.

“Kassy King,” I told him with a grin. “Do you usually just stay in here, carving?”

He laughed and put his tools down. “I’m not very social.”

I nodded in understanding. “I get that.” I looked around. “It can all seem like a lot.”

He tilted his head at me. “You seem different than what I thought you would be,” he informed me.

“Different how?” I asked. “Good or bad?”

“Good,” he assured me. “I thought you were going to be this demon based on the stories I’ve heard.”

I snorted. “Well, don’t let this conversation fool you,” I told him. “I’m actually on my way to play at the tavern. If you feel like it later, head on down.”

He nodded, a gleam in his eye. “I will think on it.”

“Alright,” I said awkwardly, not knowing how to leave. “Goodbye then.”

He watched me leave and I hurried down the path, thinking of the songs I might play at the tavern. I had been working on a couple new ones before falling into the rift. Thank goodness, my family loved music and I knew so many songs. Not all of them acoustic yet, but I could learn them by ear.

I had the playlist down as I marched into the tavern, a little later than the two hours agreed upon. A cheer sounded from the corner, and I saw the Chargers raise their glasses to each other. “Captain!” I heard Dorian yell.

I searched the Herald’s Rest for him, catching the shimmer of his outfit at a small table near the stairs. Maryden was playing her Grey Warden song, and I sat on a chair in the chair across the table from him. “This is the second time she’s played this song in the last couple hours,” he groaned and smiled when he saw my lute. “Planning to entertain us after all? All of Herald’s Rest will be pleased.”

I laughed. “I don’t know if you will enjoy all the songs, but I’ll play a few.”

He shrugged and took a sip from his tankard. “If there is something scandalous in there, I don’t particularly care what you play.”

Laughing I went over the playlist again. Add something scandalous. What would be a good one? I debated back and forth between Ex’s and Oh’s or Bad Romance, before I remembered the acoustic version of “Animals” by Maroon 5 that I just learned a couple months ago. Dorian would get a hit out of that.

“I have a perfect one,” I told him. I swung my lute around on my lap, striking a few chords to hear the tone of it. I spent a couple minutes tuning it, until I was satisfied. Maryden heard my tuning session and she set her lute down, heading to the bar for an ale, giving me a smile.

I stood up and began to play the introduction to Animals, the lute making it sound a bit richer than even the guitar did. I began singing, taking the Captain King persona so I didn’t get stage fright. Dorian was immediately pleased as soon as the words left my mouth. I gave a lazy half grin as I replaced the lyrics so it was “get along when you’re inside me”. I winked at Bull when I sang this and he saluted me with his cup, laughing.

It was a mixed reaction from the crowd on this song. Some of them tapped their foot, trying to listen to the lyrics. Others seemed shocked when they understood the lyrics. I noticed Varric at the bar and he was grinning broadly at it, pleased for something different in this place. I got to my favorite part of the song, wishing Solas was here. I tilted my head back howling like a wolf, earning applause and laughter from Dorian and Bull. I finished the song strong, a little high off my friends’ reactions.

There was small applause and many people were coming in to the tavern like last time, this time able to see me better with my position near the stairs. “This is for all the couples out there.”  I started in on “500 Miles” by The Proclaimers then, thinking of how much I walked to get to Skyhold, saying “one” instead of “man”.  I saw a few couples get up and began to dance. Sera was sitting on the table next to Dorian, her legs crossed and foot bouncing, enjoyment on her face. Eventually, many were singing along to the:  
_“Da da da_

_Da da da_

_Da da da dun diddle un diddle un diddle uh da.”_

I finished it with a bit more flourish than I usually did and someone handed me a tankard. I thanked them, looking over at Dorian and he shrugged. I took a sip, needing something to clear my throat. Damn, that ale was good. “Only one more for the night, but I think you might enjoy it.” The tavern was packed now and I felt flattered people were coming to listen to me. I noticed Blackwall leaning against the bar next to Varric and smiled to myself. I took another drink of ale to calm by nerves from the crowd. One more and you can escape and collapse in bed. Long day tomorrow Captain King.

I strummed the beginning of “Shut Up and Dance with Me”, a new song I finally nailed a couple weeks before everything happened, aimed toward a certain blonde Commander. Before I met him in person.  
_“Oh don't you dare look back_  
Just keep your eyes on me  
He said you're holding back  
I said shut up and dance with me  
This man is my destiny  
I said oh oh oh  
Shut up and dance with me.”

Some seemed to be amused by these lyrics and I felt relief they enjoyed it. It was a gamble with this one, but I loved how much fun it was to play.

I got to the second verse, playing my version of the lyrics:

_“Shining armor and some scuffed up boots_

_My warrior, Commander, fantasy”_

Laughter erupted from the corner and Dorian seemed to enjoy the lyrics, especially based on recent conversations. I saw his eyes widen and then his laughter got worse. I gazed in the direction that he was, and noticed Cullen in the tavern doorway, the same look of bewilderment on his face from Cole talking to him.

“ _I felt it in my chest as he looked at me_

_I knew we were bound to be together_

_Bound to be together”_

I felt my face flush and I continued, trying to finish the song with the same gusto I had when beginning it. Finally, the final note rang and I bowed as people began to applaud. I grinned and felt pleased, thanking them before heading to Dorian and Sera.

“I really enjoyed the wolf part,” Sera said right away as I placed my cup on the table.

Dorian’s grin still lit his face. “Could those lyrics be any more fitting then at that moment?” His eyes shone with tears.

“Oh enough,” I muttered. “How was I supposed to know he’d walk in here? He doesn’t drink.”

Sera looked over my shoulder. “Crowd must have sent him in. Usually isn’t so busy here unless a brawl happens.”

Dorian’s grin got bigger as his eyes moved to a figure behind me and I knew instantly who it was. “Uh…Captain…I mean Kassy…could I? Could I have a moment of your time?” Cullen’s voice sounded unsure and almost as if he expected me to say no.

I faced him with a smile. “Of course,” I told him with false confidence. Cullen exited the tavern, and I took one last sip of ale for assurance, rolling my eyes at Dorian’s wink.

“Needs a woman on top, your Cully Wully,” Sera joked, and Dorian began to laugh again.

“Not mine, and knock it off you two!” I hissed. I tried to center myself as I left the crowded tavern, Maryden playing once again.

I gripped my lute with a sweaty hand, searching the area for Cullen. I saw him standing off near the stairs on the right. How did I never notice those stairs before? Were they there in the game? I cleared my throat as I approached, not wanting to sneak up on him.

The sun was just starting to set and I admired the way the sun hit his golden hair as it went down. His eyes were on me, and I felt like I was 13 again, talking to my crush Jared for the first time. What the hell? You are twenty four. You talk to guys now. You are a grown ass woman, be it a very sexually limited woman, but still, you shouldn’t be acting like a teenager.

“You wanted to talk?” I asked, leaning my lute against the stairs and taking a seat on the third to bottom step. “What’s up?”

His eyes seemed confused for a second again and he shook his head. “I’m still getting used to the way you speak,” he mumbled.

“It’s only been a couple days, I’m sure you will get used to it eventually.” I assured him, leaning forward and crossing my arms on my thighs. “You wanted a word?” I repeated.

“Uh..yes,” he stammered and rubbed the back of his neck. Cullen glanced down at the step I was on and he met my eyes. “About today,” he began. “I don’t know honestly what to say besides every time I think I understand you, you take a turn I didn’t see coming. You are a constant riddle.”

I stared at him with surprise. “Is this how you talk to all the girls, Commander?”

I saw him blush and I swear I heard him mutter “Maker’s breath”. “What? I…no…I’m not trying to…I had this planned.” He sat down next to me and I could smell him, his scent one I couldn’t put words to. It was just…Cullen. “I talked to Cole today.”

I groaned putting my face in my hands. “Cullen, I don’t even know what to say. I’m so embarrassed.”

“Why would you be embarrassed?” Cullen’s tone was soft and I looked up, apparently not following where this conversation would go. He continued, oblivious to my confusion. “It makes sense now. You have someone in your world you love…or have strong feelings for….and that is why you want to go back.”

“What?” I asked, completely taken by surprise. “No, it’s just that-.”  
  
“He is how you know all the information isn’t he? How you were sent to this world through the rift? You are protecting him. He must be important status if you are willing to sacrifice yourself with not sharing your secrets.” His voice was a little rough and I could hear a bit of anger in it, but he seemed to try to be sympathetic.

“Cullen, that isn’t what is going on,” I argued, turning my body on the bench toward him, my hands gesturing wildly. “I don’t feel that way for anyone in my world that way.”

“You can stop denying it,” he told me. “I’m not stupid. Everything made sense after talking with Cole. ‘He’s the only light in the chaos. A comfort and hope in your pain.’” Cullen leaned his back against the stair wall. “You are taking comfort in his safety. If you just tell the Inquisition who it is,” his hand was in his hair. “ _Me_ who it is, we’ll try to prevent any harm that might befall him.”

I stood on the step now, looking down at his face. Maker, his eyes were shining gold in heat of his argument. “There isn’t anyone!”

He was standing now as well, and his height towered over me as he stood on a step above me. He gestured an arm out to my lute. “Those songs you play,” he began, glancing at the lute than back to me. “They are about someone. You couldn’t have written those with no one in mind, or sang them with such conviction.” I opened my mouth to argue, but he moved down a step, causing me to do the same. “You sang it in your song tonight, you were bound to be together and that he’s your destiny.”

I let out a soft yell of frustration. “Listen,” I grabbed my lute. “I have no great lover from my past or world. Are my words just taking up useless air? When are you going to believe a word I say? What more do I have to do to have you trust me like I trust you?”

There was no other word than bafflement to describe his face.  “But Cole…” I blushed a very dark red. Understanding seemed to come to him and he looked anywhere but at me. He ran a hand through his hair and took another step down, eyes uncomfortably focused on mine. “You don’t even know me. How could you trust me?”

I cursed whatever god did this to me. Just tell him the truth. Well, some of the truth. Don’t scare him off. “I just do,” I said lamely. “I see the struggle you go through every day, fighting whatever demons that decided to haunt you that day. I see the way you give everything to the Inquisition, without a second thought to your own welfare.” I tilted my head then, and felt a sudden wave of bravery. “I noticed how you are constantly trying to help a stranger that could very well be a spy. You offered her friendship, comfort when she was puking over a wall, and immunity to a supposed lover.”

Cullen’s eyes were trying to process my words and I saw them flicker down to my dragon claw necklace. “Why did you sneak that one to wear? What is its significance?”

My fingers grabbed onto the necklace, trying to draw power from Dad. I admired the blue orb and the silver claw holding it. So, he knew I stole it. “My father gave it to me when I was younger. For luck, he told me.” I hated myself for wanting to cry thinking of my dad. Homesickness was never going to go away. I knew that now.

I expected to see understanding in his eyes when I met his eyes again. Instead, I found wonderment. I saw his hand go to the pocket of his robe and I wondered if he was touching his coin. “Luck?”

I cleared my throat, trying to get rid of the tightness I felt in it. “Yeah, but I think it’s broken.” I let go of the necklace and tucked some loose hair behind my ear. We stood in silence for a moment and I began to walk away.

“You said you trusted me,” he called hesitantly. “Cole…”

“I know what Cole said,” I answered, feeling silly. “Just forget it happened Cullen. I will just go back to training and finding a way back home, while you lead an army.”

“We both know that can’t happen, Kassy.” His tone was firm. He looked determined as he walked toward me. “You are right. I should trust you. So far, everything you said has been true.”

“It has?” I thought over the information I have shared with him. Then the first part of his sentence rang in my mind. “Why can’t we forget?”

“Well, you are a bard,” he began. “That has been made obviously clear the past few days. Also, the information about Samson is true.”

I felt the breath leave my chest. “How do you know?”

“I got reports from troops informing me about letters between Samson and Maddox.” I felt a small smile on my lips and I looked down at my boots, thanking Dad for the lucky necklace. I guess it was working. I heard him take another step closer.

“Well, I’m glad you got information that confirms my legitimacy,” I mumbled. I peeked up at him through my lashes, frowning at the way he shook his head. “What?”

He rubbed the back of his neck again, “I just don’t understand how someone who has known me for three days, could tell me so much about myself that no one else knows or sees. Besides Cole, that is.” I felt the heat from his body as he came closer, and I took another step back, almost tripping on the bottom stair. Was I at the stair way already?

“Well…ummm…” I responded almost breathlessly. Get yourself together Captain Kassy. “I’ve just always been able to read people. Inherited it from my mom I guess.” I side-stepped him, wanting to escape the complete awkwardness of this conversation. He basically knew I liked him, and he is just playing with it?

“Did I say something wrong?” His tone was almost hurt and I slowly faced him.

“Not at all, Cullen,” I said quickly. “Honestly, I just had a long day of training and I think I am done embarrassing myself for one day.”

“I know that feeling,” he mumbled. I couldn’t help the giggle that escaped my mouth. “It’s true,” he defended. “You seem to have a way of doing that to me.”

“Me?” I asked astounded. “You’re not the one that had their deepest thoughts exposed by Cole.”

Whiskey eyes locked onto my blue-grey ones and he had a half smile on his face. “I’m glad I know.”

I blushed yet again, putting a hand to my cheek. “Umm...I…good then. As always, a pleasure talking to you Commander.”

He nodded, the smile still on his face. “Kassy,” he replied. Cullen tilted his head. “What is your full name?”

“Kassandra King,” I replied with pride. I began the decent down the stairs toward the healer tents. I looked over my shoulder, watching him lean against the wall, arms crossed, his eyes on me. “Oh, and Maddox is at Shrine of Dumat.”

I quickly made my way across the grass and dirt toward the barn, not turning around again. I knew two things: 1. I was going to be in for a world of body pain tomorrow and 2. Cullen Rutherford flirted with me, Kassy King, willingly.

Maker’s breath, that man confused me!


	7. Chapter Seven

**I do not own any characters. They belong to Bioware….thank you Bioware. Thanks again for reading and hope you enjoy this chapter. I realized that as I write chapters, they are getting longer and longer. I apologize for that. I just can’t help it! I have a feeling they are going to keep doing that…hope you don’t care. Rated M for language and future lemons.**

“Higher King!” Cassandra ordered and I swung my blade higher as she instructed. “Now lunge to the left,” she yelled. I followed her orders, never missing a beat even though my arms killed. “Good. Back to defense!”

Our swords clang as she came at me with full force. I pushed against it with all my strength as she taught me earlier. I grunted as I gave a quick shove against her at the same time, doing a spin like Bull taught me, almost landing it before her sword caught it. She quirked an eyebrow and I didn’t let her distract me as I swiped my leg quickly under her, making her land on her back. I followed this with a move I saw in Merlin, the one where they step on the wrist of the sword hand, making the person drop their sword. I pointed my own at her neck as I snatched hers up.

“Well played,” she told me, sitting up. I panted hard, handing her sword back to her. “Not something I taught you though.” I shrugged. “That was just luck. Don’t expect it to happen again.”

I nodded and put a hand on my hip. “Of course,” I joked. I was surprised it worked, but wasn’t naïve enough to know it would again. She stood and adjusted her sword in her hand.

“Back to the basics,” she directed, a hint of a smile on her lips. I felt proud at her being a little impressed with me. I turned to the practice dummy, practicing the moves she showed me this morning. We had been at this for a good two hours now and I was getting exhausted. That wasn’t completely true, I was positive I would be ready to go again once I had a half hour break.

Recruits were training as well, sparring against each other. I paid them no attention, wanting to give Cassandra all my attention. I continued the maneuvers, her constant advice and instructions helping me forget about everything else. A half hour later she stopped me and I leaned on my sword, drenched in sweat.

“I must admit, Captain, I wasn’t expecting you to impress me at all today.” I stared at her with raised eyebrows. She was sweaty as well, her light purple undershirt darkened with perspiration. I glanced down at my own shirt, the white sticking to my skin, showing the flesh through the fabric on the more wet areas.

“It’s Kassy,” I panted. “Coming from you, I don’t think I can ever get higher praise.”

She laughed and put her sword on her waist. “You listen well and keep up. That’s the important thing. That and not being easily distracted. You keep your focus and you keep an eye out for what is coming. Bull was right, it won’t take long before you will be able to hold out against demons and shade.”

“So, you’ll keep training me?” I asked surprised. “I didn’t know if you would, seeing how you think I might be a spy and everything.” I felt hair stick to my brow and I wiped it away.

Cassandra looked me up and down. “The more I fight with you, the more I am convinced you aren’t one. Yes, I’ll keep training you. Every morning we will practice and once we get you armor made, we will start practicing in that.”

“I wish there was something I could do to return the favor,” I told her. She glanced up at me and regarded me, her brown eyes on my face.

“How much knowledge do you possess?” She asked.

I was intrigued by her question, wondering what she would want to know. “Depends on what it is on.”

“Do you know what really happened at the Conclave? What happened to the Divine?” She studied me with a bit more apprehension.

“I do,” I answered truthfully. “However, you will learn the truth about that rather soon.” She seemed disappointed in my answer and I felt a need to please her.

“I do know that there is a certain writer who I might be able to persuade to finish a book,” I hinted. Her face was red and she glared at me.

“How do you know about that?” She practically growled at me.

“It’s nothing to be embarrassed about Cassandra,” I told her with a smile. “I have been dying to get my hands on Swords and Shields, but unfortunately, there isn’t a copy in the Skyhold library.”

I saw interest light up in her eyes and she cocked her head. “You read books like Swords and Shields?”

I thought about my collection of books at home. “Most of my collection of books at home are like Swords and Shields,” I informed her. “They are the best. Politics. Battles. Romance,” I sighed. “It’s too easy to get swept into a book like that.”

Her eyes brightened and she gave me a genuine grin. “That is exactly how I feel!”

I felt a bond with Cassandra I didn’t feel before when gaming. I rubbed my upper arm in shyness. “I usually don’t tell people about that. Not very bad ass, ya know?”

Cassandra crossed her arms and shifted her weight. “Very much so.” She kicked the dirt with her boot and observed me again. “You are very different than I thought you would ever be.”

I thought this over, confused. “Thank you?” I laughed. “Right back at you.” We just smiled at each other awkwardly for a minute, neither one of us used to making friends. “So, did you want me to ask Varric for the book? I’ll be discreet of course. He’ll never know it’s for you.”

The Seeker’s lips tipped up and she nodded. “If you don’t mind.” She glanced down at her boots. “I have a copy of Swords and Shields here if you would like to borrow it.”

“Really?” I asked. “I would love that!”

“I’ll bring it to your room later,” she confirmed. “Take a break. I’m sure Iron Bull will have you training hard soon.”

“Thanks again,” I told her as she started to leave. She gave me a salute, heading to put on her armor to help train new recruits. Who would have thought I could be friends with Cassandra in real life?

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“This time, run at me and bash into the shield,” Bull instructed. I stared at him with raised eyebrows.

“Yeah,” I told him, hand on hip. “I’m not doing that.”

“You want me to train you?” He snapped.

“I’m not in any armor and my muscles aren’t like yours!” I argued. “I would be black and blue within five minutes!”

“This will help build it,” he informed me. “Come on!”

“Alright,” I shrugged. “You’re the Captain.”

He held his shield up and I ran at him, hitting the shield as hard as I could with my left shoulder, the pain radiating down my arm. “Fuck!” I groaned, keeping my sword in my hands still.

“Again!” Bull ordered. I backed up fast, and ran into it again, the result worse this time. “Again!” Bull repeated. I backed up as he instructed, angry at this exercise. I put as much force as I possibly could into the shield, swinging the hilt of my sword into his stomach at the same time.

He was surprised by the hit and only a little groan escaped. “That’s what I’m talking about Rift!” He exclaimed. “Again!”

Bull had Krem face off against me, while I practiced my spin move. We practiced this move for about an hour before Bull deemed it quick enough. “I want you to do it that way every time,” he informed me. I bent over, hands on knees wheezing from the enormous amount of exercise.

“No problem,” I managed to rasp out. “Just letting me not cough up blood for a couple minutes.”

He laughed, slapping me on the arm. I winced in pain, feeling the bruises already from the shield bashing. “You did good today, Rift,” he complimented. “We’ll have you kicking ass in no time.”

I stood straight now, every muscle in my body aching. Five hours of sword play does that to a girl. “We’re done? I asked hopefully.

“Practice the spin move on some dummies later, but yeah Rift. We’re done.” He chuckled. “Grab some water and give yourself a rest. Tomorrow we’ll start again once Seeker has her fun with you.”

“That sounds amazing,” I agreed. “Later Bull.” I gave a quick wave. “You too Krem,” I called. Krem’s ears went pink and I felt surprise. Did Krem think I was flirting?

I made my way to the water barrel, grabbing a much-needed drink. I leaned on a nearby fence, watching the troops spar against each other. I could hear Cassandra yelling at them in the distance, and a familiar voice. “Block!” It shouted. “With your shield! It’s what it’s there for!”

I searched the field for his armor, knowing I’d find the fur right away. There wasn’t any though and I felt complete surprise as I saw Cullen without his armor, his white undershirt drenched in sweat. I felt my heart quicken and I had to think cold shower. “Dear God almighty,” I whispered.

I drank another sip of water, hoping it would help calm my thoughts. I watched his muscles move as he swung at the recruit, sending them to the ground. “Keep your arm up,” he ordered. “If I were your enemy, you’d be dead!” The recruit scrambled to his feet, sword a little higher.

His shirt stuck to his body, and as he turned to take down the recruit, I caught a glimpse of his abs through the drenched linen. “Good God,” I mumbled to myself, glad no one was nearby. I quickly gulped my water, going to refill my tankard, my eyes never leaving the Commander’s body. He was a lion when he fought. There was no way I could be turned on any more.

Unless his shirt was off, I told myself. Stop that, I reprimanded. Not now. What if Cole was nearby? My geek self didn’t seem to care as I gawked, watching his sword reflect the sunlight. I filled my cup, going back to where I stood before. As I admired the Commander, I bumped the post of the fence and gasped in pain. “Fucking shield blocking,” I grumbled.

I set my cup on the flat part of the post and turned my attention to my shoulder, wanting to see how bad it was. I glanced at the left shoulder, my bicep muscle twitching uncontrollably from the unusual amount of use the past couple days. I moved my braid and rolled my eyes at the sight of blood on the top of my shoulder. Of. Fucking. Course.

I slid the fabric away from the shoulder, wanting to see how bad the cut was. I couldn’t feel the pain from that since the bruises throbbed from the hour of endless bashing. I hissed as the fabric took some dried blood with it, causing the cut to open again. Dark purple and red bruising started from the cut and went down past where I had the fabric pushed down. Figures. I always bruised easily. Curse my King blood!

I grabbed my cup and moved toward the more protected side of the fence, trying to be out of view. I poured water on the cut, trying to clear away the blood so I could see it better. I was no medic and cuts and medical stuff always made me woozy. I could never be a doctor. I honestly had no idea what to do with this cut, not even wanting to look at it. I hissed again as the water went over the cut, causing a severe burning. This wasn’t like any cut I’ve had before. “Shit!” I gasped.

“Captain?” I heard Cullen’s voice and I jumped as if I was doing something guilty. I pushed up my sleeve, self-conscious about my bruises. He had a cup in his hand, and I could tell he just came over for a drink.

“Hey Commander,” I greeted him, keeping my voice steady. This close, I could see his abs and chest perfectly. Don’t go down that path right now Kassy! Focus! I held my hand on the area covered in blood, covering it the best I could. “Training hard?” I regretted those words as soon as I said them. You are so lame Kassy!

“The recruits certainly are,” he said, a bit of excitement on his face. “It’s amazing how fast some of these recruits train. If we keep the training up, at this rate we will be ready for when we go to Adamant.” I noted his enthusiasm and winced when my hand slipped a little. “Are you okay?”

I waved my free hand nonchalantly. “Just a little nick from training,” I told him casually. “No big deal.”

He raised an eyebrow and set his glass down. “Let me see,” he ordered.

“Honestly, Cullen,” I reasoned, taking a step back. “It’s not that bad. I’ll be fine by tomorrow.”

“Prove it,” he argued. “Let me see.”

“You are so dramatic, Cullen,” I told him, backing away toward the main part of Skyhold. “I’ve had worse,” I lied. Does surgery count as worse? I would think so, right?

He took a step closer. “Kassandra King, I will see your injury whether you do it willingly or not.”

Woah. He used my full name. Hot. God, damn it, Kassy. Focus. I rolled my eyes. “No need to use the full name,” I told him. I sighed as I pulled down my sleeve, letting him see the cut on my shoulder.

He walked over quickly, his hands carefully looking at the gash. “What did you do? Run into some bricks?” Cullen softly touched the bruises on the top of my shoulder.

“Almost,” I told him, biting my lip as he kept touching my bruise. “Iron Bull was teaching me shield bashing.”

Cullen’s gold eyes flickered up to me. “Without armor?”

“Yeah,” I replied. “I was told to follow instructions, not question them. Building muscles, I believe he said.”

He rolled his eyes, grabbing his own cup and pouring some water on the cut, wiping away the blood around it with my shirt. “It doesn’t seem too deep. You will need a bandage but that’s it.” He was still lightly touching the bruising. “As for the bruising, you’ll have to wait for that to go away unfortunately.” He slid my shirt down more to see how far the bruising went. “Shit, Kassy! Is it only this shoulder?”

“Yeah,” I answered looking down at my arm. The purple, red, and yellow bruising went to almost my elbow. “Wow, I didn’t realize it went down so far! I’m kind of impressed.” Cullen’s eyebrows went up and I met his eyes. “Battle scars, Commander,” I informed him.

He rolled his eyes, his fingers still on my arm. I saw his eyes travel to my somewhat exposed breasts, the top of my strapless beige bra showing a little from the fall of my shirt on my arm. I felt my stomach quiver and my breath go a little faster, the rising of my chest making that clear for him as well. Clearing his throat, he quickly stepped back and I pulled my sleeve so that the wound was the only thing visible.

“I’ll just…I’ll go…I umm will go find a bandage for you.” He left quickly, his hand running through his hair, before I had a chance to object. I watched his shoulder blades move and I felt chills all throughout my body. I glanced around to make sure no one was around, a little embarrassed by our weird intimate moment. Things were awkward for me around him since our talk last night. I didn’t want to seem too clingy or anything.

Soon, Cullen was jogging back to me, his focus on the bandage as he started to unroll it. His gold eyes flickered to my blue ones and he gave a small awkward smile. Alright, so we are both on the same page. His focus was on the cut now, and he moved the sleeve down enough to have space to wrap the bandage around my upper shoulder. I felt self-conscious about my armpit hair, not being able to shave here. I should grab a dagger and try it, just so I had some comfort.

He didn’t seem to even be phased by it at all as he wrapped the bandage, his focus on his hands and my wound. His fingers grazed my bruises for a moment, before he tied the bandage and pulled my sleeve up. I moved my shoulder, the wound already feeling better from the pressure. “Thanks,” I told him, rolling my shoulder.

“You’re welcome,” he said softly and I blushed, cursing him and his ability to do it so easily with just a glance. I was glad Dorian shared with me how they cleaned their teeth, being able to finally do it this morning. I handed him his cup awkwardly, grabbing my sword with my left hand. He accepted the cup and glanced down at my sword. “Left handed?”

People thought it weird here too? I never understood the big deal. “Uh, yeah,” I answered hesitantly. “Am I going to be hunted down or something if I use my left?”

Cullen laughed. His eyes lingered on my own. “No, it’s just that we don’t often see left handed fighters.”

I nodded in understanding, not sure how to respond. It’s a skill I’ve been working on since birth? I heard a command from Cassandra to a soldier and I remembered what he was doing before he came to talk to me. “You should get back to training your men.”

Those words seemed to snap him out of his trance and he glanced back at the recruits. “Yes,” he said, his voice more Commander like. “You are more than welcome to join,” he told me.

“As much I want to, I have a history lesson with Dorian.” I grinned at him and gestured to my shoulder. “Thanks again for patching me up. Don’t be too hard on your recruits.” I smiled again and forced myself to walk away, knowing I would just stand and watch him fight if I didn’t get away from the training field.

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“All in all, Tevinter has had its share of hard time,” Dorian informed me, his voice beginning to sound like the teacher on Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.

“I know you don’t believe me Dorian, but I know this history,” I informed him yet again. Probably better than US history. How sad. “I honestly just wanted to learn about the nobility, not your version of history of Tevinter.”

He scoffed. “Fine,” he huffed. “Have it your way.”

“Why are you so pouty today?” I asked, closing the book he opened in front of me an hour ago.

He leaned against a chair, fingers gripping it tightly. “I was informed that Varric, Solas, and Cassandra will be in the Inquisitor’s group once we reach Adamant Fortress.”

I knew that had to hurt. I chose Dorian over Solas, but with her being in a relationship with Solas, she would bring him. “I’m sorry Dorian,” I said honestly. “I would choose you over Solas any day.”

Dorian’s lip twitched but he still was upset. “That’s nice to hear, but unneeded. I guess we must fight side by side under someone else.”

I bit my lip guiltily. “Branwen is forcing me to go with her,” I told him.

“Forcing?” He asked. I nodded and he gave a small chuckle. “No wonder you are trying to train until you drop.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure I’m going to die there.” I leaned my elbow on the table, chin in hand.

“I’m sure the Commander will keep you safe,” he teased with a wink. I let him tease me, knowing he was hurt from being left behind.

“I doubt that he’s sticking by my side,” I countered. “There are probably a lot of other woman that have caught his attention. Probably more elven, or warrior like.” I glanced back up at him and sighed. “I feel we argue more than anything. He’s sweet and all, but he needs someone from Thedas.”

“Thought a lot about this, haven’t you?” Dorian asked, grinning.

I blushed, glancing up at him. “Yeah,” I responded. “Have you seen that man train without his armor though?” My voice was dreamlike. Dorian’s laughter cut my daydream and I glanced up at him. “What about you? I have a feeling you and Bull might do well together.”

“Iron Bull?” Dorian asked in horror. “What a suggestion!”

“Whatever Dorian,” I laughed. “You’re curious, admit it.”

He rolled his eyes, turning toward the bookshelves. “I admit nothing to you.”

I stood up, stretching my arms as I pushed my chair back. I winced a little at my shoulder but the pain quickly passed. “I would love and do boy chat, but I have to do some Fade study with Solas then pass out.”

Dorian briefly looked at me, then back at the bookshelf. “Don’t be too hard on yourself with the Commander. According to Varric, he doesn’t have much of a past with women.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” I told him with a smile, making my way to the stair way that leads to Solas’ study.

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Solas had me sitting on the floor of his study, eyes closed in concentration. I was trying to connect to my powers outside of the Fade. I was starting to finally feel a little power, an hour into focusing. I felt the twinge of pain in my brain again and my eyes burned a little.

“It’s starting to hurt, Solas,” I told him, a bit of worry in my voice. The bastard probably likes that you’re in pain. That way when I die, there is one less human to get rid of.

“That is the Fade in you,” he responded. “Try again.”

I did as he asked, focusing as I did in the Fade. I felt even more power swirl in my head and I had to put my hands on my skull once the migraine came on. “Damn!” I exclaimed, the pressure behind my eyes tremendous. There was a spark of green in my head, as I cursed and I felt light headed.

“Push yourself harder,” he told me. “If you are ever going to be useful in battle, you will need to understand this power.”

“Enough!” I gritted through my teeth. “It has only been two days of trying this and you are expecting me to have it perfected? There is more to this than just you thinking it will be useful in battle.” I stood, my head aching. I glared at him, our blue eyes like ice, realization dawning on me. “You think this will help you get into the Fade and find other elven artifacts.” How could I be so stupid as to not think of this until now? I knew what my powers did yesterday.

Solas observed me, his eyes trying to put pieces of me together. I knew that I was a frustration to him and that my pieces weren’t fitting correctly. “That’s preposterous. What would I want with elven artifacts?”

I crossed my arms in front of my chest, shoulder aching as I did it. “I don’t know, Solas. What would the Dread Wolf want with them?” I quirked an eyebrow and narrowed my eyes.

A messenger came into the room, addressing Solas. “The Inquisitor requests a meeting with you Solas.”

“I shall be right there,” Solas replied, his eyes never leaving mine. “I’m surprised you are worried if that is what you think. With your knowledge of the future, I would assume you know his next move.”

I waited for him to leave, deciding silence was best in this situation. The headache was strong and I felt a little sick, the cheese and bread not sitting well in my stomach from the evening meal. I needed to get some anger out and practicing Bull’s spin move seemed like a good outlet.

I slammed the door to the rampart shut, frustrated with that stupid bald elf. I felt my anger in every step, eager to grab my sword from my room. Without thinking, I opened Cullen’s door, not knocking. He glanced up at the intrusion, dressed in his usual armor again.

“I’m glad you’re here,” he informed me, standing straight. “We received word from Hawke to head out. We leave in the morning.” I felt panic in my chest on top of the anger.

“Tomorrow morning?” I wouldn’t be ready to fight those fucking demons! I was going to die.

“Yes,” he informed me patiently. “I have the smith working on your armor as we speak and he says it will be finished before we leave.”

I nodded in understanding and felt relief with having decent armor. “Thank you,” I said yet again to him today.

“No need to thank me,” he said casually, a grin on his lips. “The Inquisitor wants you to be prepared.”

I felt another twinge of pain in my head and my eyes began to lose some focus. “Of course,” I said weakly. “Makes sense.” I saw the concern in his eyes as he looked at me and I forced a smile to my face. “As usual, nice chatting with ya.”

“Are you okay?” His voice was hesitant.

“Don’t worry about me Cullen,” I ordered, not meaning to be snippy. “I just…need to go practice.” I exited his office, shutting the door behind me and passing the guard that paced the area during the day. “Jim,” I said casually.

“Uh, hi,” he said surprised and uncertain. I dashed into my room, shutting the door and falling immediately onto my bed. I grabbed my pillow, letting a scream of frustration escape into it. It was times like this when I would call my parents and talk to them. What would they say?

 _“You can only do the best you can do babe.”_ Dad would say. _“Whenever you put your mind to something, you go until you get it.”_ Mom would encourage. I thought about my siblings and what they would say about the Solas and Cullen situation. Karen would tell me to punch the prick in the face. Good old Karen. Riley would probably ask why I haven’t jumped Cullen yet. I missed their sound advice.

I sat upright, throwing the pillow at the headboard. I grabbed my sword, heading out of my room and down the path that would lead to the training dummies. I felt purpose in every step and I ignored the dull pain of the bruises on my shoulder, positive I would get an injury far worse than this.

As soon as I approached the dummies, I started swinging. That’s right Solas dummy, have another chop! I made every stroke stronger with my anger and I lost track of time, engrossed with trying to murder the Solas dummy.

“You know that it isn’t real, right Prophet?” A voice said behind me. I recognized it as Varric’s and I stopped my swings, focusing on him.

“Varric right?” I asked, leaning on my sword. I felt the sweat drip down my back and I hoped I could get a bath tonight. Wait…did he just call me Prophet? YES! I earned a Varric nickname!

“That’s me,” he confirmed. “Curly told me you were down here.”

I raised an eyebrow at him. “Looking for me? Didn’t realize I would get such an honor.”

He chuckled and leaned against the wall of the forge. “Wanted to see what the fuss was about. Everyone is whispering about this woman that falls from a rift and has information that gave her a slot in the inner circle.”

I didn’t realize people were whispering about me. Wait. I’m in the inner circle? Self-five Kassy. “So naturally you assume prophet?”

He crossed his arms, adjusting Bianca on his back. “I’m in the inner circle too Prophet. I hear things.”

I laughed and wiped the sweat from my forehead. “Should I even bother telling you my name, or is that nickname going to stick?”

“You can tell me, but yeah, the nickname is going to stick.” He looked at me and smirked. “Obviously, you are busy.”

“Wait,” I quickly said. “I have a favor to ask of you.”

He raised his eyebrows and his face had a lopsided smile. “What?”

“So, I have been reading your book,” I easily lied. “And I noticed that you left Swords and Shields on a cliffhanger.” I gave a serious face.

“And?” He asked amused.

“I need to know what happens! Please tell me you are almost finished with the next one.” I gave my best fan girl desperation.

“I actually didn’t know people read that one,” he told me. “Almost lost money writing it.”

“I read it!” I exclaimed. “I need to know Varric! Please!” I begged.

He laughed and his eyes held a sparkle. “I’ll see what I can do Prophet.”

I thought of what I would do if I met a real author that did this for me. “I would hug you if I knew you better.” I told him with a huge grin, satisfied that Cassandra would get her sequel.

“Yeah, yeah,” he muttered and I swear I saw a hint of pink in his cheeks. “Well, nice talking to you Prophet.”

I gave an awkward nod as he turned to leave. He was always easy to befriend. Just don’t make fun of his secret lover Hawke. I gave the fake Solas one last swing and headed to find out where someone could wash up at.

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I couldn’t sleep most of the night, worrying about what would happen at Adamant. I knew it would probably take us a week or so to get there and that only added to my anxiety. I sat up, deciding that if I couldn’t sleep, might as well play some music. Dad said that always helps him. Singing to the stars.

I grabbed my lute and headed to the rampart, surprised that there weren’t any soldiers out here. I sat on the ground, adjusting the guitar on my crossed lap, strumming a few notes. I did this for a couple minutes deciding what song to sing. No one was listening and I felt like doing a song that was soft and I didn’t have to think about playing. I started “Dream a Little Dream of me”, playing it the way my Grandpa taught me.

I sang softly as I stroked each note, focusing on the stars and mountains. I felt the usual calmness that came with playing by myself and home felt a little closer. I smiled to myself, closing my eyes as I got to the second verse. Music was in the King’s blood, my Grandpa used to say. I finished and glanced over at Cullen’s room, a light shining under his door. Must still be planning. That or his nightmares are keeping him up.

“La Vie en Rose” came to mind when I thought about Cullen. I giggled and strummed the chords, my fingers knowing where to go without thinking. The lyrics came out and I felt they meant something different as I sang to the stars again. _“Give your heart and soul to me. And life will always be, La Vie en Rose”._  I ended it with the flourish, my chest feeling tight from an unfamiliar feeling. There was no way I was having intense feelings for Cullen already. It’s only been a few days, even if I have known him in game. Game Cullen and real Cullen are two different people.

I sighed and laid my lute in my lap, staring up at the mountains and stars, content to sit under them all night. I felt my eyes getting heavy and I headed back to bed, knowing I’d be awake within a few hours.

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Cassandra was helping me into my armor, showing me how this particular type worked. The smith made it in a mix of rogue and warrior, not knowing what I actually did. I loved the way the outfit looked, making me think of the armor rogues wear in the game. The outfit was made of great bear skin and the cloth, silk brocade being the material underneath. Long black gloves were given to me and I felt like a badass in this outfit. I grabbed my cloak, throwing it over my shoulders, glad for new boots and more comfortable pants.

I finally understood how the armor fastened together and I gave a triumphant cheer. Cassandra seemed unamused and she put her hands on her hips. “How have you never learned how to put on armor?”

I threw my lute and sword on my back, hardly wincing at the bruises on my shoulder anymore. “We didn’t wear armor. We were more over coat and corset type of people. We didn’t battle.” I told her honestly.

“Interesting,” she muttered to herself. She handed me a bag and I took it from her, puzzlement on my face. “I figured you didn’t have one. It has some supplies in it, bandages and such.” Her lips tipped up in a small smile. “And a certain book.”

“Yes!” I exclaimed, peeking in the bag with a smile. “I can’t wait to start it!”

“You won’t be disappointed,” Cassandra told me. “I have to help the Commander with the troops. I’ll see you down there.”

Skyhold was crazy with the amount of people coming to Adamant Fortress. I jumped out of someone’s way as they passed by with an armful of swords. I found Bull, who was instructing the Chargers on a mission he received for them to do for the Inquisition while we were gone. Krem gave a confirming nod, smiling at me. I grinned back at him, surprised that I couldn’t even tell he was a girl in person.

“Looking good, Rift,” Bull told me admiring my new armor. “Ready to kick some demon ass?” He nudged my left shoulder and I gritted my teeth. He seemed concerned and he folded his arms. “Hurt Rift?”

I shook my head. “Just a little bruised from the shield bashing, it will go away in a couple day.” I hoped. I tried to make my voice convincing, honestly not worried about this injury.

“Good,” he replied, looking over my head at the army. “Looks like we are almost ready to go. Boss says it will be a week journey at most.” I grunted in response, knowing he wasn’t really paying attention to me anyhow. He seemed to be searching for something and I tried to follow his gaze. It landed on Dorian and I grinned to myself. Knew it. The troops were heading out, Inquisitor in the lead and I felt a knot in my stomach.

Time to go fight some demons and get out of the Fade. I followed Bull through the crowd, realizing we were heading toward the edge of the group. Dorian spotted us and waved us over. I couldn’t hear anything the two of them were saying once we reached him and I observed the scene around me. Everyone seemed to know what to do as if it was routine. The army was in impeccable order and formation, each soldier in a certain place. I felt odd standing away from the group, but the two of them knew where to go, heading toward Branwen.

I saw Cullen toward the middle, observing the men, his voice booming over the crowd. “In position men! We head out on the Inquisitor’s signal.”

I searched for Branwen, seeing her talking to Cassandra earnestly in the front of the troops. We were near them now, and I heard Varric and Bull exchange a few words. Cassandra was constantly looking back at Cullen, waiting for some sort of cue. I turned to see what it would be but I must have missed it. She spoke to Branwen, gesturing to Cullen. Branwen saluted Cullen and she gestured for us to start heading out.

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The journey was uneventful for the first couple days. Branwen said we were making good progress and I knew I needed to somehow warn her about the spider demon in the Fade. We needed a plan and she needed to be prepared to say goodbye to someone in her party if she wouldn’t listen. I spent the first few nights by myself near the fire, pretending to read, but really going over what exactly happens in the Fade. I wish I knew how to tell her what will happen, but I knew a plan was needed before approaching her.

I thought about her anchor. If she created a rift to get us into the Fade, could she create one to get us out? If we could create a rift for us to escape through, before seeing the demon, then we could have everyone safe. Or maybe we could sneak by. We needed to have as much magic we could on our side. We needed Dorian to come with us instead of Varric. More magic would be able to immobilize the demon enough for us to escape through the rift.

“You should get some rest King,” Cassandra’s voice suggested. “We will be arriving at the fortress tomorrow.”

I looked up at her with a small smile, “No way, I just met the Captain.”

She gave me a knowing smile but I could tell she didn’t believe me. “You haven’t turned a page in a half hour.”

“Slow reader?” I suggested. She rolled her eyes.

“Keep this up and you’ll sleep with the Tevinter.” I glanced back at our tent, ready for some sleep.

“I have to talk to the Inquisitor first,” I told her. “Don’t wait for me though, you seem tired as well.” She nodded in understanding and I stood up, handing her the book. I headed to Branwen’s tent, hoping she’ll have an open mind and listen. “Inquisitor?” I called softly at the flap of her tent.

“Come in Captain,” she replied. I entered, not surprised to see Solas standing near her, looking down at the map.

“I was wondering if I could speak with you Inquisitor,” I inquired, turning my eyes to Solas. “Privately.”

Branwen glanced up at me then, her blue eyes looking worried. “Of course,” she said. Solas took the hint and left the tent with a quick goodnight to Branwen. “What is on your mind?” She gave me her focus, all thoughts about the map gone.

“There are some things you should be prepared for before we get to Adamant,” I started. “I have been deciding what exactly I should and could tell you, and ended up with the most important things.”

Branwen nodded in understanding. “You seem awfully nervous. I won’t bite,” she joked. I forgot she was a jokester.

“This information stays between us,” I told her with all seriousness. “If the others knew they would likely back out or stop you from going.”

“What is it?” She asked me.

“More than likely we are going to end up in the Fade,” I began. She started to talk but I held up a hand. “When I’m finished, I will answer your questions. This is important that you focus and heed my words.” She nodded. “In the Fade, you will remember what happened with Corypheus,” I told her, noticing she wanted to interject with a question but held her tongue. “He will know you are there and send wraiths, spiders, and other creatures to keep you from escaping through a rift. The rift that we need to get to is guarded by a spider demon. It is huge, powerful, and will most likely kill us. From the knowledge I have, someone would be sacrificed to save the rest of us. You would be making that decision.” Her face fell a little and she swore under her breath.

“I have a plan though. If you listen it will work,” I told her. She glanced at me with a hard stare and I knew she was trying to decide if I was lying or not. With Cole left behind at Skyhold, there was no one to convince her. “You need more mages. You need Dorian. Let Varric go with Cullen, and have Dorian go with you. With three mages and your rift power, we will be able to stun it long enough for us to get through the rift.” I took a step closer to her. “Listen to me Inquisitor, you will regret it otherwise and have to make a decision on what man to send to their death.”

Branwen seemed to go from confused, to angry, and then worried within five minutes. I waited for her to respond, standing still. I adjusted my weight to my right leg, never letting my eyes leave her face. She needed to listen. “I will think on it,” she told me with a sigh. I started to speak but she looked up at me with troubled eyes. “I thank you for your heeding, but I would like some time to think this over if you will.”

I gave a small bow, not knowing why I bowed, and left her tent. Well you tried. She needed to listen. If she didn’t we’d be screwed. I took off to sit in the clearing near camp, needing to get some air and space. Tomorrow. I have been practicing with Cassandra and Bull whenever we made camp, alongside the Inquisition’s troops. Cassandra said I should be able to get by at Adamant and to just keep close to her.

“Nervous for tomorrow?” Cullen’s voice was near me and I turned on the rock, looking up at him.

“Yes, even though I know what will happen.” He sat on the boulder opposite me. “How about you Curly?”

He rolled his eyes at the nickname. “Varric talked to you I’m guessing.” I grinned, letting it answer the question. “Have you been graced with one yet?”

“Prophet,” I informed him. He snickered and I felt my anxiety about tomorrow lesson with him near me. “You avoiding the question Curly?”

He shook his head in silent amusement. “I usually don’t get nervous, knowing it’s my duty and must be done. However, sending the Inquisitor in and with your predictions, I am unusually nervous.” He looked down at his feet with a blush. “What does la vie en rose mean?”

I felt embarrassment take over my body and I cleared my throat. “I didn’t… I didn’t realize you could hear me.” I stumbled the words out. “I’m so sorry, I’ll refrain from playing in the middle of the night anymore.”

Cullen glanced up at me, his eyes warm. There was something different about this look. “Don’t apologize,” he said softly. “I enjoyed hearing you. Especially the last one. What does it mean?”

“Life in pink,” I told him. “It means having an optimistic view on life.”

“I like that,” he almost whispered, a soft smile on his face. I felt my heart race and I grabbed my necklace. He glanced down at the necklace, his attention suddenly focused on something above it. “You survived someone slitting your throat?”

I looked at him in confusion for a second before remembering the scar I had from my thyroidectomy. How did you explain to someone from here that they slit it open to remove a bunch of masses that were threatening your windpipe? “Sort of,” was the response, my fingers touching the scar. It was the truth.

Cullen seemed impressed and that look came back to his face. Admiration? “Be careful tomorrow,” he whispered. His voice was almost more of a plea than an order.

“I’ll try,” I responded and I cleared my throat, removing my fingers from my neck. “We should get some sleep Commander,” I told him, standing up as I spoke.

He seemed to come back to himself and he cleared his throat as well, his hand going to his hair. “Yes, of course,” he said quickly. He stood and looked back at the camp. We walked in silence to the camp, his tent the first one that we pass by. Cullen glanced at me, his face unreadable in the darkness here. “Goodnight, Kassy.”

“Night, Cullen,” I answered, watching him go into his tent. I smiled to myself, entering the tent I shared with Cassandra. I quietly got into my bed roll and laid, staring at the tent ceiling.

Maker’s breath, I didn’t want to die tomorrow.


	8. Chapter Eight

**I do not own any characters. They all belong to Bioware. PRAISE BE TO BIOWARE! Thanks for the likes and comments! I am enjoying writing this and am glad you guys are liking Kassy’s journey. Hope you enjoy this next chapter!  P.S. This chapter will be a little longer than usual. Rated M for language and future lemons!**

The group was quiet this evening, everyone knowing we would be entering the fortress within an hour. I searched for Dorian, seeing if he knew the plan now that he would be with Branwen’s party. Well he better be. Many were having quiet conversations with each other, preparing themselves for battle.

“Dorian,” I called, grabbing his attention. He smiled, waiting for me to meet him where he was standing.

“How may I assist you?” He asked with a grin, his hair in perfect order even from the journey.

“Just wondering if the Inquisitor told you the plan,” I informed him, adjusting my sword on my back.

“You mean Commander Cullen’s plan,” he told me with furrowed eyebrows. “Why would I need to know the Inquisitor’s?”

I felt my heart drop to my stomach. “She didn’t ask you to join her?” I felt the panic in me. She better have a fantastic plan up her ass, or we were fucked. Well, Hawke or Stroud were fucked. We still were too. The demon thing that the spider demon sends out was easier to kill with mages that used electricity.

“Was she supposed to?” He seemed genuinely concerned and I shook my head.

“Uh, no. Just wondering if she changed her mind,” I lied, searching for Branwen. “Excuse me, Dorian.” I left him before he had a chance to respond, spotting Branwen talking to Cullen. I jogged to the front where they were talking, the conversation sounding like the finalization of battle plans. “Inquisitor,” I addressed her with a hint of anger.

Branwen and Cullen glanced at me as I approached them, my face set in determination. “Captain,” Branwen returned, her tone full of authority.

“I just talked to Dorian,” I began, seeing if she caught where I was going with this. “He said you haven’t talked to him.”

“No, I haven’t,” she said in a very matter of fact voice. “After thinking it over, I made my decision.”

“You made the wrong one then,” I almost growled. “Did you hear a thing I said to you two nights ago? When I told you about how you would have to choose between two lives? Was I talking to myself?” I captured her pale blue eyes with my grey-blue ones. “I’m begging of you, change your plan.”

I made this elf. She couldn’t be so stupid as to not listen to someone with solid knowledge. I felt the air almost leave my lungs when I thought about my other Inquisitors. Wasn’t Morrigan almost in this same situation when she begged me to use the Well of Sorrows? I instead followed Samson and drank from it instead of her. I did this to myself. I didn’t like people trying to one up my awesomeness. I wanted it all to myself.

“I asked Solas if it was possible to enter the Fade physically when we were there. He said it wasn’t. Only a highly-trained mage can do that, even then it might not work.” She broke our gaze, her eyes on her notes in her hands. “If you’ll excuse me,” she started to turn away.

“It seems impossible but it’s true,” I argued, not letting this go. “You need another mage. If you don’t then-.”

“Listen, Captain. I appreciate the warning, but maybe what you saw or know is just something that could happen. I doubt we will be falling into the Fade today,” she said dismissively.

“Jesus Christ Branwen!” I snapped. What level was she when I left off? 10 or 11? We wouldn’t get past that demon if we weren’t at least twelve. I remember having to play it three times to finally kill it at level 11. I learned my lesson from that first-time experience, making sure to level to 13 when heading here. We needed that electric, especially if we didn’t level up lately. “I know for a fact that it will happen. Your elf boyfriend doesn’t know everything! Bring another mage along or you will regret it!” My fists were shaking in anger. “It’s not worth losing a life, is it? You would be risking your own as well!” There weren’t reloads in real life.

“Captain! You are taking this too far,” Cullen defended Branwen, stepping in front of her.

“I’m so glad Alistair is king!” I said through clenched teeth mostly to myself. Cullen gave a look of bewilderment at my comment, but kept his stance. I glared at Cullen. “This doesn’t involve you Commander. This involves the Inquisitor, me, and the lives of the five-other people she is going to endanger.”

“Everyone’s lives are in danger,” Branwen said with heat. “We all know what we risk when we go to battle.”

I tried to be reasonable and understanding, but Maker! I don’t think I would be getting out alive without Dorian joining. That extra electricity is what we need. “Only we are going to fall into the Fade though,” I hissed. “You are the Inquisitor. We need you alive. There is no guaranteed we will get past the spider demon without the extra mage. If you follow my plan, we all leave practically unharmed. You kept me for my information, why are you dismissing it now when you need it most?”

“Because you sound crazy,” she replied almost too calm. “Solas has studied the Fade. He knows what happens there, the energy that comes with it. I believe him when he says we won’t fall into it.” I could tell she had to keep her cool or else she was going to explode on me. I felt oddly proud of her right now. “If we fall into the Fade, I’ll listen to your plan then. I know what you say about Clarel is true based on Hawke’s letter but-.”

“My plan won’t be effective once we get to the Fade,” I argued.

“I made my decision, Captain,” she said in a firm tone. “We stick to the original plan. I’m sorry if you disagree. As a leader I have to make tough decisions that people won’t agree with. I truly am sorry you don’t feel that I am making the right choice, but it is what is going to happen.”

“Inquisitor, please.” I felt my mind going out of control, trying to figure out a way to go with my plan. I will never not listen to Morrigan again! “My plan is solid!”

“The Inquisitor already said she made her decision,” Cullen told me. His glare was dark and there was no hint of softness on his face. He was in pure Commander mode. “You know nothing of planning and commanding an army. The choices they must make. Leave that to the people in charge. You just do as they command. Your job is to inform us on any information relating to Corypheus.”

“This does relate to Corypheus,” I growled.

“No more,” he ordered. “You are done here. Go! Now.”

I glared at him, never thinking I wanted to ever punch that gorgeous face until now. How could we have shared a moment last night, to have it turn to this? I turned on my heel, marching away from them in anger. Stupid, stupid elf! I couldn’t believe he talked to me that way! Would I have done the same in his position? After all, she was the Inquisitor. My anger burned in me and I felt scared. I had to accept the fact that I was probably going to die.  

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The fortress was large and I didn’t realize it was going to be so big in person. I stood near Cassandra as she ordered, wanting to protect me if I needed the help. I didn’t realize when the battle started, but arrows were flying down toward us and we were banging the door down with the really big device. Shit! What was that called? I’m sure Cullen mentioned it.

Cullen raised his sword, yelling for the troops to charge forward. The Inquisition ran into the keep, the battle not just talk anymore. The feeling was exhilarating and terrifying as I wounded the enemy, Cassandra finishing them off behind me.

I focused on each enemy, swinging as Cassandra taught me. I managed to keep a couple off me, but I wasn’t going to be able to fight like I would in game. One of demons got me from behind and I fell, picking myself up, trying to swing but it was more difficult. “Prophet! Drink!” Varric yelled, throwing me a potion. I caught it, quickly drinking the bottle.

I threw the potion bottle aside feeling stronger, and I did Bull’s spin move on one of the people getting close to me and they fell fast. Good job Captain King! Cassandra and I fell into a rhythm and I felt like I could actually do this. I felt a few hits on me, but the injuries were minor.

Soon, the area was clear, the bodies of the demons on the ground. I stood panting, looking over at Cassandra, who was surveying the area. I followed her, heading to where the Inquisitor stood, Cullen informing her of the situation. I wonder if his words were like in game.  “We need to clear the battlements! We will keep the main host of demons occupied for as long as we can! Hawke and Stroud are waiting to help you once you get to the battlements.” We must have arrived at the end of the speech.

“Just keep the men safe,” she told him and looked around to see if we were all near. I saw Cullen’s eyes search the area, the briefest look of relief when he saw me, before turning and leaving. What the hell? Wasn’t he yelling at me about an hour ago?

“King, keep up!” Cassandra yelled and I hurried after her, distracted briefly by a certain moody Templar. “The Inquisitor wants us to loot the bodies,” she told me. I followed her around, picking up bottles and odd objects, throwing them in my bag.

“Everyone take a potion,” Branwen ordered. “I want us to be ready for whatever comes next.” Solas passed the potions out. That fight was harder than I anticipated. “Let’s head out,” Branwen said. We moved quickly, Branwen, Varric, and Solas sending arrows and spells as soon as we entered.

“Follow my lead!” Cassandra instructed and I nodded. We ran to the nearest enemy with the large shield. Cassandra took her blows from behind him, and I swung in front, trying to land a blow with the sword that would cause damage. I feel I did nothing as I used all my force into swings, banging his shield.

“Out of the way Prophet!” Varric shouted, an arrow landing in the soldier’s neck. I jumped back, my chest heaving. I

“Nice shot!” I called to him, looking for my next target. The others must have got them. I heard the sound of battle and searched to see if there was one nearby. Was it like this in game?

“Lead the way!” Branwen ordered and I looked at her in surprise. “You know this place, right? Show me why I brought you and lead!

I did know the area like the back of my hand in game. We went down the path, leading to the bridge. The demons came up, as if waiting in the rocks.  I swung hard and used the moves Cassandra taught me, her back right by me. We made quick work, the other three helping take them down faster.

“Odd inscription,” Solas said, reading the rock in the pathway.

Branwen laughed. “I like the last line.” Solas gave her a look of annoyance but also love. So, the wolf really did love her. I felt myself hating that I enjoyed watching the elf admire the Inquisitor. I shook my head, opening the door.

“Stand back! We will not be part of some insane ritual!” Someone yelled.

“Wardens we can bring to our side,” Branwen informed us. We all gave a brief glance to the battle below over the edge of the ledge. Cassandra began to run down the stairs, two at a time, and I followed.

“For the Inquisition!” I called and Cassandra raised her shield in salute.

“Like we did before!” She ordered and I pushed my legs to meet her stride, the burning in my thighs only urging me on. I held my sword high, adjusting the grips of my hands, before bringing it down on a demon. The demon lashed back and both Cassandra and I fell back. Cassandra was up before me, and she held out a hand pulling me up before bashing into the demon with her shield. I spun, the ache in my shoulders telling me I was doing it right.

Branwen stood on top of the stairs, arrows flying down on the enemies near Cassandra and me. I saw a couple of Varric’s arrows fly by and heard his cheer when one demon fell instantly as the arrow made its mark. A couple of people were set on fire and I went after those ones, knowing that it would be easier to get them down then the others. A bolt of lightning came down and I watched another demon fall.

“Can’t you see? This is madness?” A Warden yelled. “It’s no use! Their minds are of their own!”

“Ignore his words!” Solas told me, suddenly by me. “Keep going!”

I bashed into a demon, lifting my sword above my head and bringing it down on it. The demon stumbled then I was in the air, landing on the floor. I groaned, rolling onto my knees. Fucking demon!

“Varric needs help!” Cassandra called and I forced myself to my feet, searching for Varric. He had Bianca shooting arrows as fast as he could, but there were many demons coming at him at once. I ran toward them, spinning hard so the sword did high damage. Kassy leveled up! I saw in my mind.

“Keep your distance!” A Warden called.

Branwen came down the stairs, Wardens taking up arms again. “We don’t want to fight you! We are not enemies!” Branwen told them. Cassandra and I searched bodies, making note of anything useful. I threw some gold and daggers into my bag.

“Why should we trust you?” He called.

“We are here to stop Clarel, not kill Wardens,” Branwen told them. I turned to see her standing like a leader in the center of the area. I felt admiration, wishing I could have a hint of leadership like she did. No wonder everyone looks to her for leadership.

“All right,” the Warden said. “We will stay back. We want no part of this.”

“Hey Chuckles, I found some more potions over here!” Varric called to Solas. Solas grabbed the eight in the box, handing all of us one. Branwen turned to me expectantly and I pointed to the only option we had, through the door.

I led the way up the stairs, keeping my sword in position. Those demons pop out of fucking no where in real life. I felt my heart hammering and I hated every second of this. I was not meant to be a warrior. Couldn’t I have been sent to work for Leliana as a spy? I had okay sneak skills. I was on edge and almost jumped at every shadow, expecting something to jump out in front of me.

Right as I thought this, we turned a corner a demon appeared and I screamed in surprise, instinctively swinging my sword into him. Cassandra was right by me, trying to get the demon as it hit me with its claw like hand. I grimanced, the cut more like a scrape with the leather gloves. I needed to thank the black smith for this armor when we got back.

I knew these were coming up too! I scolded myself. Focus on the job at hand, not wishing you were someplace else. I turned to go for the kill and was pleasantly happy to find that Solas had frozen it. I felt a rush as it fell, keeping me motivated. I ran up the wooden steps that led to the battlements. “We are almost to the battlements!” I called to the group.

“Keep your weapons ready!” Branwen instructed.

A fire ball came from the sky, knocking down some soldiers. More soldiers came running toward us, a fire demon right behind it. Shit! That thing was fucking crazy scary in person. I did not want to get near that thing.

I spun my sword into an archer, his bow trained on me. He lost the grip a little, but he was pulling his arm back. I swung at his hand, causing the wrist to bleed heavily. Did I just try to cut someones hand off? There you go Captain King. Just go with it.

I spun again, landing the blow on the archer’s neck, his body going lifeless. I just killed someone. I. Just. Killed. Someone. My brain was trying to tell my body to keep going, knowing that I was supposed to help the others, but I committed a felony in my world. It’s war Captain! Keep going! I shouted to myself.

I spun on a Warden and Cassandra was by me, stabbing him in the back. “To the demon!” She yelled. I jogged behind her, seeing Varric’s and Branwen’s arrows sink into the fire demon before lighting fire and falling to ash. Solas used a freeze spell and Cassandra and I took the chance to help bring the demon down. 

“We’re clear!” Cassandra called to Branwen as the demon fell. “Keep leading Captain.”

I nodded, heading down to where we took out the archer. I led them up the wooden ramp, stopping to pick up some gold along the way. We passed through a stone room, the rubble hard to maneuver around. I led them through another door and a huge demon with horns was in the distance.

“For the Inquisition!” Branwen called, echoing my words from earlier. She ran past me, almost graceful with the way she let loose her arrows. I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself at the sight of the giant demon. Please God, don’t let me die.

I followed Cassandra, picking easier targets, letting the other’s handle the giant demon. I bashed into a Warden and they fell, leaving them open for me to slice their throat. Jesus Kassy! I ignored the blood that spurted onto me, moving my feet forward, survival the one thing on my mind. I heard the demon yell, and I turned seeing Branwen use her explosive arrow on him.

Cassandra’s grunt caught my attention and I remembered I needed to keep swinging. Don’t stop swinging. I was by her side, taking on a mage Warden. Something sliced my cheek and I swore in pain. “Fuck!” I searched for who hit me and saw a Wraith nearby. “You fucker!” I shouted, running toward it. I Ran up the steps nearby, jumping off them my sword held above my head, swinging it down on the Wraith. I cursed at myself, not thinking that plan through. My legs radiated in pain at the landing and I bit back a cry of pain. You aren’t that bad ass Kassy! I yelled at myself. Never again.

“I got it Prophet!” Varric called, sending arrows at it. It disappeared and I turned to see the giant demon no longer an issue.

“Thanks.” I told him, touching the cut on my cheek and wincing at the sting.

“That will be a good battle scar,” Varric joked. I couldn’t understand how he was so light hearted right now, but knew he had seen worse in Kirkwall.

“Here,” Solas said, handing me a potion. I thanked him, chugging the potion down.

“I thought your men could use some help up here!” Hawke called. Branwen was looting the large demon, glancing up as Hawke ran to her.

“Excellent job,” Branwen told him. “Stay with my troops and see that they survive.”

“I’ll do as best I can,” Hawke responded, heading off to help the Inquisition troops. I barely saw him before he was gone. So, Cullen is watching the troops and so was Hawke. I realized that Branwen could have had either of them come with her, but she didn’t. How badass was she?

I hurried to her side. “Better keep going,” I told her. She held out an arm and I led her past the stairs that led to the Wardens and down the path, knowing there were a lot of demons ahead. “Lots of demons ahead!” I called to her.

We entered the opening and another large demon turned to us. I told myself to stay calm. Branwen reached out a hand, using her rift power to weaken the demons. I ran with Cassandra to them, realizing why I never did track. Running fucking sucked. I was meant to read or play Dragon Age on a couch. We began our synchronized fight, me wounding them while she did the final blow. We took care of the smaller demons while the other three focused on the big demon. The demon smashed the ground and Cassandra and I fell.

“Everytime,” Cassandra muttered to herself, getting to her feet. “Focus on its legs!”

I took a deep breath, not sure if I was ready to do this. Captain King, fucking be a warrior. I swung hard, hitting the demon in the leg. Solas set the demon on fire and it started to fall. I moved back, not wanting it to fall on me.

There was no need for words and Solas handed all of us another potion. We drank them, glad to get the boost. “Clarel is close,” I told Branwen. “Just down the stairs and throw the Baileys.”

“Then we must get to her,” she answered. She turned, heading toward the stairs we passed only a few minutes ago. Solas grabbed some more potions from a crate in the main bailey and Branwen turned to us. “Ready?”

She opened the door, not waiting for the answer and we came right as Clarel slit the throat of another Warden.

“Stop them!” Erimond yelled. “We need to finish the ritual!”

“Don’t listen Clarel!” Branwen yelled to Clarel, stepping into the middle of the clearing. “This is what Erimond wants you to do!”

“For protecting the world against the Blight. Don’t hate us for using blood to do our duty,” Erimond argued.

Clarel turned to Branwen. “We do what we must to help the world. We sacrifice everything for a world that will never thank us.”

“He binds the mages to Corypheus!” Stroud argued. When did he get here? I thought surprised. Hawke was there too. I admired Hawke, seeing the blood streak across his nose. I should really play Dragon Age II if I ever got back. Would I want to play again after all this? Kassy focus!

“Corypheus is dead,” Clarel said in shock.

“Don’t listen to them Clarel,” Erimond hissed in her ear. “They want to shake your confidence.”

She put a hand to her eyes. Fuck. “Inquisitor she is going to bring it through,” I called to Branwen, knowing the warning signs.

“Clarel,” Branwen addressed the Warden. “Listen to us!”

Clarel closed her eyes and shook her head. “Bring it through!”

The Wardens started to use their power to cause a rift to grow. “I know blood magic! It isn’t worth the cost!” Hawke called.

“I trained half of you!” Stroud yelled. “Please don’t make me kill you to stop the madness.”

“The demon is ready for you Clarel,” Erimond yelled.

“Listen to us Clarel!” Branwen called. She addressed the others. “I spared others of you. Join them and fight against this! The only blight is what Corypheus is having you bring!”

Clarel stared at Branwen, doubt coming to her as she turned to Erimond. “We are so close, Clarel.” He urged. “We have come so far. You are the only one who can do this!”

“Perhaps we should test their theory,” she answered.

“My master thought you might be here!” Erimond called to Branwen. “He sent this here to warn you!” The archdemon came swooping down, blowing fire.

“Help the Inquisitor!” Clarel called as she ran after Erimond.

“I ran to Branwen’s side. “Remember my warning. Get to Clarel before the dragon comes. Even if that means not stopping to fight every battle.”

Her blue eyes focused on me. “You spoke the truth about the dragon,” she said in awe.

“I told you to listen to me,” I told her in a low voice. “So, listen now. Go! Follow them!”

Branwen gripped her bow tighter and nodded, running up toward the stairs. Our party followed her, Solas and Hawke sending spells toward the demons. I swung my sword, clearing a path with Cassandra and Stroud. Varric shot Bianca, keeping a look out behind his shoulder at Branwen’s progress. We made it to the stairs, running up them, being greeted by more demons.

“Let the Wardens handle them!” I called to Branwen. “Get to Clarel quickly!”

“They need our help!” She called back to me.

“Clarel needs your help!” I argued. She didn’t listen though, taking her stance and firing arrows. I rolled my eyes, taking my anger out on another demon. Dear God, I was tired! And we still had the Fade to get through. I pushed on by Cassandra’s side, getting swiped only a couple times. It was easier with Stroud and the Wardens helping us.

Branwen ran past us, following the only way to the top of the Fortress. The archdemon blew fire through the crossing and Branwen fired an arrow. It left and she ran past the window it stuck it’s head in, Varric, Hawke, and Solas close behind her. Cassandra and I followed suit, our swords poised just in case. Cassandra ran in front of me, her voice telling me to keep a watch out for any more demons. I heard the dragon call and fire erupted from it coming toward me. Suddenly I was on my back, Stroud on top of me, protecting me from the fire’s heat.

I felt a burning on my arm, and looked down, seeing my sleeve on fire. Stroud patted it out as best he could as the fire continued above us. Soon it was gone and Stroud rolled off me. “Thank you,” I said in a shaky voice.

“Are you alright?” He asked, grabbing the arm that got burned. He studied it, making sure I wasn’t horribly injured.

“Fine considering what could have happened if you didn’t save me,” I told him with a grateful smile.

“It was nothing,” he informed me with kind eyes.

“Captain!” Cassandra called. “Are you alright!” She jogged to me.

“Yes,” I assured her. “Stroud saved me just in time.”

Cassandra looked him over. “Good thing you were there,” she told him. “We should catch up with the Inquisitor.”

I nodded, glancing over at Stroud. He stood tall and he waited for us to lead, wanting to take the back. We ran up the only stairs available, rounding the corner. We were too late! The dragon was snatching Clarel in its claw. If only Branwen listened and didn’t stop to fight those demons. I followed Cassandra to Branwen’s side slowly. Clarel was thrown down and the dragon fell, trying to scrape forward. The ground began to shake and I knew we were screwed. Please think to open the Fade! I thought as the ground began to shake.

Branwen began to run back toward where we came, the rocks starting to split. We all pushed our legs against it, falling to our knees and trying again. One second I was running the next, I was trying to hold onto a piece of the ground with my fingers. Grasping to hold on to anything.

I felt my body fall through the air, my breath like when you miss a step when walking down the stairs times twenty. I looked around, seeing falling debris and another person nearby. Solas, I realized from the bald head. I saw a bright light and I knew Branwen opened the Rift. Thank God!

It was a weird feeling falling through it, different than when I fell through the rift. I noticed the sudden change in scenery, and it was just like the Fade in game. I grunted at the impact when I hit the ground. I laid there for a second, trying to catch my breath.

“Are we…in the Fade?” Stroud asked.

“Yes,” I answered, scrambling to my feet. “As I said we would be.” I searched for Branwen.

Branwen faced me with furrowed brows. “Solas, you said,” she began.

“I didn’t know the anchor held such power,” he said, gesturing toward her hand. “This never happened before.”

“What now?” Cassandra asked.

Branwen searched for an answer, her blue eyes trying to figure out a plan. They settled on a rift in the distance. “We need to get to the rift.”

“Wasn’t expecting this, that’s for sure,” Varric commented, looking around the Fade.

“Let’s get moving,” Hawke said, adjusting his staff on his back.

Branwen turned to me. “Do you know the way?”

“Now you want my help?” I asked her. She looked down with guilt. “Yes,” I sighed. I led the way to the stairs, knowing when we got up them, Branwen would meet the Divine.

“By the Maker, could that be?” Stroud said. So, this was going to be like the game. Okay then.

The Divine focused on Branwen. “I don’t understand,” Branwen whispered. “How can you be here?”

“She’s a spirit,” I told Branwen. Stroud started to get his sword out and I held out my hand. “She’s not a demon. She’s here to help.”

Stroud and Hawke stared at me with confusion. “How do you know this?” Hawke asked.

“She can’t tell us that,” Cassandra informed them. I raised an eyebrow at her. “Wasn’t that part of the deal?”

I nodded, looking back at Stroud and Hawke. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

“I am here to help,” the Divine confirmed. “You do not remember what happened at the Temple of Sacred Ashes, do you Inquisitor?”

“No,” Branwen responded, taking a step forward.

“The memories you lost, were taken by a demon that works for Corypheus. It is the nightmare that you forget upon waking. It feeds off memories of fear and darkness, growing fat upon terror. When you entered Haven, the demon took a part of you. You must recover it. These are your memories Inquisitor.”

I didn’t realize how much I hated the sight of wraiths until right now. “Kill the wraiths and we get your memories,” I explained to Branwen. “Ready when you are, Inquisitor.”

Branwen stared at the wraiths. “They have my memories?”

“Yes,” I told her. “Go get them.”

“Creepy,” Varric muttured and I had to agree. We ran to the wraiths, the mages and archers taking them down before Cassandra and I could raise our swords. Branwen went and touched the floating orbs, a voice coming from them. Suddenly, her eyes glazed over and there was a scene playing out, almost like a projection.

I studied all the companions’ faces as the scene played out, wanting to know what they thought at the moment they found out. Solas seemed intrigued and captivated, his eyes taking in the scene before him with hunger. Varric seemed just bewildered, not quite getting what was happening. Cassandra was staring at the Divine, the pain of losing her probably fresh again. Stroud and Hawke were emotionless, trying to capture every detail.

I tuned to look at the Divine to find her gone. Weird. She usually stayed in game. “I don’t understand,” Cassandra said to Branwen.

“I don’t either,” Branwen replied. She looked to me. “You knew this would happen?”

I stared at her with a “you are not seriously asking me this question look”. “If I recall, I was begging you to change your plans this morning,” I told her. “I wasn’t doing it for fun.”

She glanced down at her anchor, questions in her eyes. She looked back to find the Divine. “Where did she go?”

“We have to find her,” I replied. “Just follow the pathway. Lead the way Inquisitor.”

The group made our way down the path quietly, everyone observing the Fade and everything that it shows. I felt a chill as I looked at a headless statue holding a goat head. What was up with the goats? “Demon!” I heard Branwen warn and Solas and Hawke had it gone within a minute.

“Mages are awesome,” I said in admiration.

“At least someone thinks that,” Hawke answered, passing by. I heard Varric chuckle and he gave me a smile.

“What do we have here?” Corypheus’ voice rang out, sending chills down my spine. I waited for the rest of the speech but there wasn’t any. What the hell? What was going on? Eveything else seemed to be accurate so far.

Alright, calm down Kassy. Things will probably still be the same. Right as I thought this, his spiders came crawling toward us. I swung at them, terrified at the real-life version. Corypheus nailed it. Dog sized spiders were now on my list of fears. I kept the sword moving, not wanting the spiders to touch me at all. My arms ached from the nonstop movement and I felt a sharp pinch on my leg. Fuck! It got me.

I turned on the spider, full of anger. I stabbed it, pushing my sword as far as it would go. Oh God! I felt like puking, this was gross. The spider went lifeless and I felt my leg start to feel like it was on fire. I limped over to Cassandra, glad that the spiders lay motionless. “Captain,” she said, downing a potion. Solas saw my limp and reached into his bag for a potion, offering me one.

“Thanks,” I said, not caring what he does, as long as we make it out of the Fade. “She should be ahead,” I told him. “Along with the rest of her memories.”

He gave a short nod. “I’ll let her know.”

“I’ve never seen someone give as much dedication to killing a creature as you did with that spider,” Stroud commented, coming toward me.

“I’ve never cared for them,” I returned, removing the cork from the potion. “I’m Kassy by the way,” I told him. “We were a little busy for introductions earlier.”

“Stroud,” he replied, amused. I drank the potion, feeling the sting of the bite leave my leg as the potion ran through my body.

“Captain! Stroud!” Cassandra called and we both jumped a little. We made our way to the rest of the party, Branwen heading down the path to the Divine. There were more wraiths here and I felt my legs almost refuse to start running toward them. Let’s go legs! I tried to cheer them on to keep going. Swung my sword high so I could reach the nearest wraith. It glowed brighter for a minute and I hit it again before it had time to move. It shrieked before disappearing, leaving another memory.

Branwen knelt down, collecting her memory, her face determined. Her eyes glossed over again and there was the memory before us. I glanced over at Solas, watching his face. He was intrigued but also confused. You could tell he was trying to piece everything together. Wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t give Corypheus the orb Wolf. I heard Cassandra gasp and I turned to her. She was watching with wide eyes, her forehead furrowed. Varric was almost emotionless, probably playing it cool like he usually does, trying to process everything.

“It wasn’t Andraste at all,” Branwen whispered as her memory faded.

“The Divine sacrificed herself for you,” Cassandra said in a hushed tone. Branwen glanced up at the group.

“It was you,” Branwen said to the spirit Divine. “They thought Andraste sent me, but it was you behind me. And then you…she…died.”

“So, this creature is a spirit,” Stroud said.

“I’m pretty sure we all knew that was the case, Warden,” Hawke said. I rolled my eyes. This was creepily too much like game.

“Whatever you are, we would like your help out of the Fade,” Branwen said to the spirit. I watched Branwen’s face and the many emotions flickering on it. This felt different in real life. This was real for her, not the player. I felt a longing to help her in some way, but knew all I could do was stay by her side and help her with Corypheus. I heard Hawke’s and Stroud’s argument behind me, and I broke my gaze to turn to them.

“I don’t know what to tell you. There are a few good ones, but an awful lot of Wardens I know, went crazy,” Varric said to the two.

“Now is not the time,” I told the two, glancing back at Branwen who was now facing Stroud and Hawke.

“This can wait until we are out of the Fade,” she ordered. The Divine glowed gold and we all looked at her.

“The nightmare has found us,” she informed us, more spiders appearing.

“Fucking spiders,” I muttered, gripping my hands gripping my sword tightly.

I ran with Cassandra, hoping we could get rid of these fuckers quickly.

“Warden Stroud, how must it feel to devote your whole life to the Wardens, only to watch them fall? Or worse, to know that you were responsible for their destruction?” Corypheus’ voice rang. “When the next Blight comes, will they curse your name?” I swung my sword into a spider, looking for Stroud to see his reaction. He was on my right, his face anger as he stabbed a spider, kicking it away.

“With the Maker’s blessing, we will find this wretched beast.” He muttered, turning to the spider next to him. I helped him kill it quickly and we turned to Branwen.

“Let’s follow the spirit,” she said, standing tall. We nodded, waiting for her to lead. “Do you think they won’t figure you out Captain King?” Corypheus said and I almost froze, surprised he was talking to me. “They’ll find out the truth. And how does that feel? To know you are never going to see your family again?”

Hawke glanced over at me. “Ignore it,” he advised and I nodded, knowing fully that I needed to block him from my mind. It feels like shit, Corypheus, I answered mentally.

We jogged, wanting to get to the rift as fast as we could, Branwen’s bow always out in case anything pops out. The divine floated in front of a rift veil and we saw more spiders and a couple demons. I went after the spiders, spin moving into them, Cassandra and Stroud right beside me. We focused on the ones getting near the others, trying to let them focus on the demons. The spiders were less in number this time and I felt relief, and shoulder pain, as the last one fell.

The veil broke and Branwen quietly jogged ahead, I’m guessing trying to go before anymore spiders arrived. “How much farther?” She asked me.

“One more big fight before we see the spider demon,” I informed her. Solas’ eyes were on me and he seemed intrigued.

“How do you know this information? So much about the Fade?” He asked, eyes squinted in confusion.

“I’d love to tell you Solas, after we get out of here.” I replied with a bit of heat. Tired and anxiety ridden Kassy was done with this Fade shit. How long have we been here?

“It’s your fault Varric, that Hawke is in this situation again.” Corypheus taunted. “Or that any of your companions are in this situation.”

“Don’t listen!” Hawke called to Varric.

“Everyone you love will die Hawke,” Corypheus said. “Couldn’t save your family or Fenris.”

“Away with you!” Hawke growled.

We kept jogging forward, never stopping to listen. Corypheus spoke to Solas in elven and I hated that I never took the time to see what he said to each companion. Did he mention something about him being Fen’Harel or Branwen not loving him anymore?

“The Inquisitor is a fraud,” he said to Cassandra. “How does it feel to have her lead now?”

Cassandra usually retorted in game, but she was silent now. Her face anger and grim. We made it to the lake area where the headstones were. Demons were prowling everywhere. Branwen let an arrow loose and the demons turned to face us. Cassandra, Stroud, and I ran through the water. The water made my calves burn and I didn’t understand how these guys were able to fight with such energy.

I felt my energy lessen, with every swing. I was getting clumsy and I hated it. I kept pushing myself forward though, determined to not die here. Fire flew past me and I knew Hawke or Solas were helping me out. The demon fell and I was frustrated I wasn’t able to even take one down now. Dear Lord, you weren’t meant for this. My head started to pound and I closed my eyes for the briefest moments. “That’s all of them,” Cassandra called to us. I felt relief but almost flinched at the sudden sharp pain in my eyes. Was this from the Fade?

I opened my eyes, taking a couple deep breaths and pushed myself toward the graves, where the others were. “Our fears,” Solas informed us as we studied the headstones. I felt surprise at seeing my name “Kassandra King” under my name in big capital letters “TRAPPED”. That was my biggest fear. Being trapped here and never getting back to my world. Corypheus was good.

“Let’s keep going,” Branwen said in a strong voice. This seemed to make her more determined to get Corypheus. We went up the short hill and to the last area.

“This is it before meeting the Fear demon,” I told her, my voice ragged from dragging the heavy clothing through water. Wraiths appeared then and there was a flurry of spells and arrows. Spiders came running out fast as well, and the three of us warriors seemed to move at once. I groaned internally. I forgot these spiders were endless.

I grunted as I swung at a spider, the blade not hitting it like it usually did. Even with the week of practice, I was definitely under prepared for this task. The others seemed to be struggling as well and I felt a spider bite me again in my moment of distraction. “Shit!” I hissed, my arms numb as I swung on the spider. The air was full of sounds of grunts, screams from spiders and wraiths, and the impact of damage on the enemies.

“She almost has it down!” Varric called to Branwen. I glanced over at the spirit, the veil almost completely disappeared. This gave me a boost of energy and I pushed past the tiredness and pain. Ah! Pain in my head and eyes again. A flash of green was in front of me and I gasped as a couple spiders were sucked into the mini rift I made.

“The Fade made your abilities stronger,” Solas told me, running to my side. I had my head in my hands. The rift still there, taking away any enemies near it. “You created a rift that is sending them to another part of the Fade.”

Branwen was by us now. “What did you do?” She asked me.

“I honestly don’t know,” I told her, my eyes pulsing in pain. “You’re going to have to close it before we are sucked in too!”

She held out her hand, the anchor glowing. It was quick to close it for her and I could see she was drained. “Do we have anymore potions Solas?”

Solas checked his bag. “Only enough for all of us to have one.”

“Do it,” she said. “I have a feeling we all need it for what’s coming next.”

Solas nodded, handing out potions to each of us. The others were by us now, confusion on their face. “You have powers to Prophet?” Varric asked.

“Not ones that I am good at,” I replied, the pain in my eyes finally receding. I sighed opening my potion and gulping it down with gratefulness. I turned to Branwen. “The spider demon is going to send the fear demon to take us down. This is going to be tough. I don’t feel we are advanced enough to get rid of this guy quickly.” I looked at Solas. “Solas, use as much spirit spells as you can. When you can’t turn to electricity.” I turned to Hawke. “I don’t know what you have, but if you have any electric or spirit, use them. It’s his weakness.” I addressed the rest of the group. “There will be more demons and spiders that he sends, and that is what us swords should focus on.” Stroud and Cassandra nodded.

“What about the spider demon?” Branwen asked. I gave her a look of apology and she nodded in understanding. Her eyes were hard and I could tell this was Inquisitor Branwen. “Everyone have eachother’s backs. We don’t have any more potions and I don’t want to lose anyone here in the Fade again.” She looked each one of us in the eyes. “Let’s defeat this demon and get out of here.”

Branwen strutted to the Divine, leadership in each step. I admired that elf. No wonder Cullen talked to me in such anger. Who wouldn’t want to follow her into battle? We followed the spirit into an open cave like area, the spider demon visible through the columns.

“Well shit!” Varric muttered and I nodded my agreement. This demon was larger in person and seemed to have more eyes.

“I’m assuming the spider demon,” Solas said and I nodded confirmation. I glanced to Branwen who had her bow out.

“Let’s get back to our world,” Branwen told us, her stride confident. I wish I had her bravery. I followed with a bit of shaky knees, worried I wouldn’t get back at all. I had a bad feeling about this. If they struggled, I knew I would be completely screwed. No. You are Captain King! Act like it!

I shrugged my shoulders, ready to take on whatever came toward us. We stood there for a second, facing the fear and spider demon. “If you would, please tell Leliana, ‘I am sorry. I failed you too.’” The spirt floated in front of the spider demon before turning into a blinding light. The spider demon suddenly gone, leaving only the fear demon.

“That works,” I muttered. Racing forward, ready to take on any monsters that came our way. No demons were appearing and so I ran forward to the demon, wanting to get this fight over quickly. I swung as hard as I could, hoping to help with the damage. Cassandra and Stroud followed suit and there was a crack in the air as a lightning bolt hit the demon. Good mages!

There was a glow of green above the demon and I knew Branwen let her anchor power go, trying to weaken the demon. “You will die in agony!” It called, leashing out at us. Cassandra grunted but was still standing, while Stroud quickly got back on his feet, pulling me up with him. It flew across the area, laughing and soon spiders were coming from every direction. Six in total.

I ran toward the one closest to me, refusing to give in to the rest my body was asking for, fighting through the burning muscles. Stay alive King! Keep going! Spin! Stab! Jump back! I swung my sword on it, and it fell with a bit of a hiss. I went to the next one, noticing that Cassandra and Stroud already had both of theirs down. Fuck. Cassandra came to help me with my last one, her sword covered in blood. It fell with her one blow and I checked to see where she stabbed it. In between the head and back. Needed to remember that. I looked down at myself, covered in spider blood and maybe even a little of my own from surface scratches. My sword was getting slippery from the blood and I pulled off my gloves, trying to give my hands more traction.

The portals around the area glowed and a few wraiths and more spiders came out. We were a blur of swords and I hated that we weren’t able to keep up on the spiders. More kept coming. I was focusing on the spiders, not realizing where I was in location to fear demon. I looked up in search of Cassandra and Stroud, seeing they were surrounded by spiders, fighting furiously to keep them off. Three of the spiders were on me and I panicked. This was how I died. My headstone would read “Eaten by Gigantic Spiders. At least she tasted good.” I gathered whatever courage I could find under the anxiety and swung in a circle, my head getting dizzy from the move.

“Watch out!” Hawke yelled as I stumbled a little, trying to move my sword on another spider fast, but unable to do it quick enough. The spider bit me and I hissed at the pain, determined to keep going. The demon zoomed across the room from where it was, suddenly by me. I felt a scream get stuck in my throat as the demon used one of its spider like legs to attack me, lodging itself into my stomach.

The demon let its leg stay there for a second before twisting it into me a little more. I felt the scream of pain rip from my throat and my sword fell from my hands. I felt weak and my head was starting to throb again, pressure in my eyes. The feeling of the leg in me was terrifying. I could feel it by all my organs, feel it rip a muscle, and feel the blood start to ooze from the wound around the leg. I knew that if it wasn’t in me, I wouldn’t be able to stand, my knees weak. I knew this would happen. I wasn’t experienced enough for this fight.

“Prophet!” Varric called and I saw another lightning bolt hit the demon, causing it to remove its leg and fall away. I fell to my knees, not able to shout in pain as the leg left my body. I held a hand to my stomach, trying to put pressure on it. I glanced down at it and saw the blood start to drip from the cracks of my fingers. Jesus. Spots were forming in front of me.

I bit my lip from the pain, struggling to my feet. Stroud was at my side quickly, an arm going around my waist. “Get to the rift!” I yelled to Branwen. I made my legs move as fast as they could, Stroud helping me to go faster as we followed the others toward the rift, my right hand, pressing down on the wound, my right side radiating in pain.

Cassandra, Solas, and Varric made it through before the spider demon was there. Branwen backed up and she got her bow ready, coming to Stroud, Hawke, and I.  I felt Stroud’s arm leave my waist as he pulled his sword out. “We need to clear a path!” Stroud yelled.

“Go! I’ll cover for you!” Hawke told Branwen. She glanced over at him with shock.

“No! You were right. The Grey Wardens caused this. A Warden must-.” Stroud addressed Hawke.

“A Warden must help them rebuild! That’s your job!” Hawke argued. “Corypheus is mine.”

I saw understanding come to Branwen’s face as she looked at me with almost horror in her eyes. This was the death she had to choose. I closed my eyes, wracking my brain for some way I could help change this. The blood from my wound coated my fingers and I felt myself start to fall.

I could stay behind. I could sacrifice myself for the cause. I knew this wound was bad, and I was surprised I was standing at all with the amount of blood coming from me. I could try to send the demon through a rift, but I knew that would make me extremely weak. I had to try though. They needed both Hawke and Stroud.

“I have a plan,” I told Branwen with a steadier voice I knew I had. “Get ready to run!” I ordered the men.

“You can’t stay!” Stroud said with earnest. “You’re wounded!”

“All the more reason!” I argued. “Now get ready to run! I’ll distract it so you are able to get out.”

“Kassy,” Branwen said, her eyes full of guilt. “I’m sorry I didn’t listen.”

I shook my head. “You made the choice you thought was best. Tell Dorian and Bull goodbye.” I touched the dragon claw on my neck. “And take this,” I told her, taking the necklace off with one hand. “Give it to Cullen.” She took it from me, her face full of confusion and admiration. The spider demon roared and I gave Branwen a final look. “Good luck Inquisitor. Now go!”

I closed my eyes, focusing on the Fade energy. My head pounded as I felt it build in me, the feeling more powerful than it had ever been yet. I made sure to keep my concentration, not wanting to let the energy from me until I felt the extreme pressure in my eyes. As soon as the pounding started in my eyes, I opened them, bright green light erupting from them. A huge rift opened and the spider demon was back away, trying not to get pulled into it.

I felt myself start to fall to the ground and I grunted as my knees scraped the stone. I looked over, seeing the three of them run up the path. Follow them! My mind called. The demon is distracted enough! Go! Get back! Don’t die here! I fought against the darkness that started to come to me. I watched them jump through the rift and I knew I needed to move now before the it was closed. I took a deep breath and I struggled to me feet, almost unable to stand. I forced my mind to move my legs, my body rejecting any movement I made. I fell again, and I started to crawl, desperate to at least try to escape. Only a little bit further. I bit my lip through the pain, wanting to scream from the sharp hot bursts of agony rolling over me.

I glanced back at the spider demon, satisfied it was falling into the rift. I was almost to the rift back, only a few more feet. I knew I wouldn’t make it if I kept crawling, I had to stand and get through. I felt my eyes start to close and I shook my head. Stay awake! Get through the rift! I fought to my feet, a yell of pain leaving me as I pushed myself forward in almost agonizingly slow pace. I felt adrenaline hit me as I was only a foot away. Finally, I was at the rift and I felt very faint as I fell into it, my brain fighting to keep consciousness.

Maker’s breath, please keep me alive!

 

 

 

 

 


	9. Chapter Nine

**I do not own any characters. The almighty Bioware does! Thanks to all of you for your comments and likes kudos. Honestly, I really appreciate it! Hope you enjoy! Rated M for language and future lemons.**

I stumbled out of the rift, my mind trying to keep me in the moment. My hand stayed on my wound and I used the other to stop my face from smacking into the pavement. I heard muttering around me and Branwen’s voice addressing people. My head spun from the pain of the wound and using the powers in the Fade. I gave a shaky breath before finally laying on the ground spent. I heard the rift close behind me, glad she didn’t close it right away like in the game.

I tried to keep myself awake, knowing if I closed my eyes, I might not wake up again. “King!” I heard Cassandra call and my vision blurred, unable to tell whose boots were whose. I gasped in pain as someone rolled me over, dragging me into a sitting position. I felt my back against armor and I wondered who I was leaning against. “Stay with us Captain!” Cassandra’s voice said nearby and I tried to turn my head to look at her, but it was so heavy.

“We don’t have any more potions or poultices,” Solas’ soft speech informed. “I can try to do a couple spells to keep her conscious and stop some of the bleeding, but she needs more than just my magic. The demon wounded her deep.”

“What then?” Stroud’s voice asked and I felt the vibration on my back. So, I was leaning against Stroud.

“It is up to the healers. This is all I can do,” Solas informed them.

“Do it Solas,” Branwen ordered, worry lacing her voice. “How she made it out of there is a miracle. We won’t let her die now.”

“It’s fine,” I whispered. “We should-.” My voice was groggy and I barely recognized it. I felt Solas move my hand and another set started unlatching my armor.

“Hush,” Hawke instructed. “You have a very bloody shirt and a big wound.” My shirt was ripped more to reveal the wound and I grunted in pain as Solas touched the outside of it.

“Hold her still,” Solas instructed. I felt Stroud’s arms tighten around my waist on the left. Two pairs of hands held my shoulders and another on my legs. “This is going to hurt, but not as bad as it will later.”

I screamed in pain and flailed under the hands that held me, closing my eyes tight. I felt the world slip away a little more and I kept telling myself to stay conscious. The pain radiated through me and I felt my chest heaving from the screaming.  I opened my eyes, seeing Stroud’s face above me.

“That is all I can do for now,” Solas said. “The wound is still losing a large amount of blood. We must hurry and get her to the healers.”

“Cassandra, go find the Commander and inform him we will meet him at the healers,” Branwen ordered. “Hawke and Varric, oversee the Wardens and get them ready to head out.”

I heard their answering “Inquisitors” and Branwen addressed Solas. “How bad is it?”

“The venom from the spider and the demon has spread,” he told her. “She is also weak from using her power in the Fade. If what you said was true, a rift that size used a tremendous amount of will. Her body won’t be able to stay awake much longer. The sooner we get to the healers the better.”

“Let’s go then,” she told him. I felt a cloth on my wound and I gasped, not wanting to waste any more energy on yelling. I held the cloth there, wetness already starting to seep through. My eyes went to Branwen and her light blue ones softened. “Stay awake,” she told me. “You’re not dying today.”

I nodded, not able to talk. I kept a hand on the wound as Stroud lifted me into his arms. I felt odd about this, never having it done before. I gritted my teeth at the movement as he adjusted me in his arms. “Thanks,” I barely whispered to him.

“Don’t try talking,” he told me. “Besides, we should be thanking you.” I closed my eyes tightly and tried to focus on staying awake. The darkness felt so nice though, and I felt my head start to fall onto Stroud’s chest with sleep. “Fight it!” He called to me.

“Okay,” I mumbled. My body and mind at a war against each other.

“Almost there, Captain!” Branwen shouted and I blinked a couple times seeing tents set up in the distance. You can do this! I told myself. Make it! I’m just going to rest my eyes for a couple seconds, my body argued.

“Inquisitor!” I heard Cullen’s voice above the other voices in the area. “I have Cassandra organizing the troops. What happened?”

“It’s a long story Commander,” Branwen said quickly. I let out a deep breath, a shaky release at the end from the ache.

“We are losing her Inquisitor,” Stroud told Branwen. I felt his pace go even faster.

“Losing her?” Cullen asked in a fierce voice.

“I’m fine,” I whispered to whoever was listening. I felt my hand slipping from the cloth, and I moved it back.

“Solas, can you do anything else?” Branwen asked.

“We are almost to the healers, they can do more than I can,” Solas told her. “I suggest you run Warden.”

I fell into the blackness then, not able to hold on any longer. The pain left me as I slipped away, a welcome relief.

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I woke to intense agony and it was coursing throughout my body. I screamed loudly, not able to control what came from my mouth. I felt hands pinning me down and I arched my back from the pain, eyes unable to open. My body seemed to vibrate, every nerve on fire. I felt a moment of relief and stilled, my breathing ragged and fast.

“We will give her a couple minutes of recovery before we continue,” an unfamiliar voice said. Hands released me and I felt the wound pulsing now to the rhythm of my heartbeat

“What exactly are you doing?” Branwen asked, her voice full of worry. “Will she survive this?”

“I do not know,” the healer answered. “We are fighting the poisons in her. Her wound is deep, but if she makes it through us healing her inside with the magic and potions, then she most likely will survive.”

“Most likely?” Cullen’s questioned.

“I am sorry, Commander,” the healer began. “We are doing everything we can. We will give her ten minutes to regain strength. If it helps, I doubt she is conscious through this at all.”

“Might as well get that cut looked at Stroud,” Branwen suggested. “We’ll need you for the next round of healing.”

“I will be right back then,” Stroud answered, his boots crunching on the stone.

“What happened in there? How did this happen?” Cullen asked as soon as Stroud left.

“She warned me and I didn’t listen,” Branwen started. “Everything was as she said. We barely made it out alive.”

“What do you mean?” Cullen urged.

“The spider demon she mentioned, it was there. Along with this Fear demon. We almost had the Fear defeated when it disappeared suddenly and then it was over by her. It was fast and she was distracted with fighting off Fearlings. It got her before we killed it.”

I took a deep shaky breath, a gasp escaping through my teeth at the pain that shot through me when I breathed deep. I felt a hand on my shoulder in comfort. “How are all of you unharmed?” He wondered, bewilderment in his voice.

“Someone had to stay behind to fight off the Spider demon. Hawke and Stroud volunteered but she did it. She used her powers to open a rift and distract the demon. She was bleeding heavily and she wasn’t going to take no for an answer.” Branwen took a breath. “She was telling me the truth the whole time and I refused to listen. Even after that, she was willing to give herself up.”

“You just let her?” Cullen asked with a bit of anger. “Couldn’t all of you escaped? Just avoided the demon?”

“You weren’t there, Commander,” Branwen argued. “It was humongous and there was no way of getting out without one of us staying behind.” There was a moment of silence and I fought to stay conscious to listen. “I know she’s here now, but she might not make it. Cullen, there was something she wanted me to give you.”

“I don’t understand,” Cullen whispered. He was silent for a minute. “She gave this to you, to give to me?”

“Before opening the rift,” Branwen confirmed. “I’m guessing you know the meaning behind it.”

Cullen didn’t get to answer as the healer came back. “It is time,” he told them. Hands were on me again and I opened my eyes briefly to see Cullen on my right side, his own on my face. His face was worried and he held on to my shoulder tightly, giving it a small squeeze. I closed my own again, waiting for the pain to begin.

This round of pain was the worst, I was fighting the hands that held me, an unrecognizable yell of agony coming from my throat. I felt tears on my cheeks and I opened my eyes wide, staring at the sky above me. “Keep fighting, Kassy!” Cullen called to me. I felt my back and neck arch up and a tremendous pain was in my side. I shrieked again, the noise leaving me unwillingly. My body began to shake from the magic and pain and I felt my insides trying to reform and group together. Another yell escaped and then the agony was over.

I couldn’t catch my breath as I laid on the ground, my eyes closed, trying to let my lungs get air. I felt the tears on my cheeks, but I was too tired to wipe them away. “She needs rest now.” The healer said. “The worst is over. I will give her a potion to help sleep through the pain. The magic needs to finish its work.”

I opened my eyes again, turning to watch the dark healer leave. Didn’t recognize that person from game. I felt my breathing coming easier, but I still panted and turned to find Branwen’s eyes on me. “Told you we’d keep you alive,” she joked.

I chuckled, my hand going to the wound in pain. “No making me laugh,” I groaned, my voice hoarse. The healer was back quickly.

“Lift her up and give her this,” he told Cullen. Then he addressed me. “The most painful part is over. I will dress the wound and then you must drink that potion and rest.” I nodded and the healer began to put a poultice on the wound and wrap a bandage around my waist. “It will take a while to fully heal, but she should be able to travel in a couple days.”

“Thank you,” Branwen said, her eyes turning to Stroud. “You should go check on the Wardens. She will be alright.”

Cullen was helping me into a sitting position, his hands gentle as he lifted me up slowly. I grimaced in pain and leaned against him, too weak to sit up by myself. How embarrassing. Stroud’s eyes found mine and I gave him a small smile. “I just need rest,” I confirmed, my voice barely there.

Stroud stood and left us, looking behind his shoulder at us as he walked away. I gripped the fur of Cullen’s robe, as an intense shot of pain rain through my midsection. “Drink this,” he ordered, lifting a bottle to my lips. I drank it slowly, my throat hurting from the yelling. I let go of him, putting a hand to my forehead and closing my eyes, feeling the potion already in action. This thing worked fast. My eyes were so heavy and I felt the pull toward sleep. I felt my hand fall and my head lean heavy against Cullen’s armored chest, not caring that it wasn’t comfortable. Right now, all I wanted was sleep.

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“Commander, I will get you as soon as she is awake,” the healer said almost annoyed. “She needs the rest.”

“It’s been a day,” Cullen argued. “The Inquisitor is wondering how much longer you expect. We need to start plans and head back to Skyhold.”

“She has had much damage to her. She needs time to mend and this sleep is doing it,” the healer countered.

“Go without me,” I croaked. I kept my eyes closed, sleepiness still in them.

“Captain,” the healer addressed me and I blinked to look at him. His dark eyes seemed relieved and he gave a small smile. “How is the pain?”

I was surprised to not really notice it right now. It was like after having my appendix out. “Manageable,” I replied, clearing my throat.

“Let me know if you are in pain,” he ordered. “Stay laying down. It is the best position to be in right now. I’ll go grab you some water and food.”

I nodded, watching him walk out of a tent. A tent? I was in a tent? I felt the bedroll under me and the blanket that was covering my legs. I noticed movement from the flap of the tent and almost forgot Cullen was there. “Don’t let me slow your progress,” I said, my voice sounding a bit more like me.

“You’re not slowing anyone’s progress,” he said gently, walking toward me. I felt my heartbeat quicken and he was sitting on the ground beside me. His whiskey eyes were on my blue ones before he glanced away with a bit of guilt. “What I said to you before Adamant,” he began, a hand going to the back of his neck. “I shouldn’t have spoken to you that way.”

“You were just doing your job,” I told him. I put my hand on my wound gingerly, not knowing what else to do with it.

“I was cruel,” he argued, eyes back to me. “You were telling us the whole time this would happen and I basically belittled you.” Cullen reached into his robe, pulling out my necklace. “You almost died because of us.”

I didn’t know what to say, my heart was beating so fast. I glanced at the necklace, the blue dark in the tent shade. Looking back at Cullen, I licked my lips and felt a blush. “No one’s perfect.”

He gave a small laugh and his eyes were back on my necklace. “The Inquisitor told me you wanted to give this to me.” Cullen’s voice was quiet and his golden gaze was back to me. “Why?”

I took a deep breath and regretted it when the pain hit. I gritted my teeth for a minute, thinking of a good response. Because I love you? Because you are the most lovable man I ever met even if you are an ass sometimes? I opened my eyes, his own still on me. “Out of anyone I knew here, you would be the one who understood what the necklace meant and how to treat it.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Are you implying I need luck?” I laughed, groaning as soon as my stomach shook from it. “Kassy?” Cullen said, touching my arm.

“I’m fine,” I assured him. “Just hurts to laugh.” Cullen removed his hand and I glanced up at him. “Honestly though Cullen, how are you surprised that I thought about you before thinking I was going to die?”

Whoa Kass. Really? You are doing this? Now? You are going to make him go running. You sound like a crazy person right now. Then again, you did almost die. Doesn’t he deserve to know? He stared at me with a bit of a blush, before looking back at my necklace yet again. “I’m sorry,” I told him. “You probably think I sound like a crazy person. I’ve known you for a total of what? Almost two weeks?”

Cullen nodded. “You don’t sound crazy,” he said quietly. “I can’t tell you how I felt when I saw you covered in blood in Stroud’s arms.” His eyes went back up to me. “I know it was more than how I would have felt for a friend.” My breath caught and I swore my heart stopped beating for a moment. “You should take this back,” he told me, placing the necklace into my left hand. “You’re going to need it.”

I smiled, not knowing what to think or say. I squeezed the necklace in my hand, feeling the familiar coolness of the orb. We just stared at each other for a couple minutes, a half smile on both of our faces. The healer came back in with a bowl and some water. Cullen cleared his throat and stood. “I will let the Inquisitor know you are awake and mending.”

“Thank you, Commander,” I replied, giving him a nod. Cullen acknowledged the healer with a “good day” before heading out of the tent.

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“Captain King, the hero of Adamant Fortress!” Dorian exclaimed, his voice carrying a bit away.

I blushed, tucking a stray hair behind my ear. “Enough, now,” I told him with a smile. “I have blushed enough for a while.”

Dorian chuckled and sat on a stump next to me. “Should you be traveling?” He gestured to my stomach. “You were just impaled by a demon.”

“The healer told me that I was able to,” I told him. “Just no lifting swords for a week.”

“That’s a shame,” Cassandra’s said, leaning against a nearby tree. I glanced up at her with a small smile. I hadn’t talked to her since we came out of the Fade.

“Didn’t realize you liked our practice so much,” I teased. “Adamant make you realize how much more training I need?”

She rolled her eyes and gave a half smile. “Something like that.”

I felt happy to be in the fresh air again. I was stuck in that tent for a couple days, sleeping on and off and reading Swords and Shields. Dorian’s and my reunion was odd yet natural. He teased me, claiming I couldn’t stay away from him. I agreed claiming that was my one and only reason to come back. We didn’t discuss what happened in the Fade, knowing it was easier to keep that in the past.

“Are they ready to head out?” I asked, not wanting to slow anyone down. I began to stand up and Dorian pushed me back down.

“They are deciding where to make camp,” she informed me. Cassandra looked down at her feet then back up at me. “I never said thank you for what happened back in the Fade.”

I felt awkward, peering up at her face. “You are the one who kept me alive,” I told her. “I would have died if you didn’t help me with those demons in the beginning.”

She shrugged. “That was nothing compared to what you did.”

I laughed. “I didn’t get this wound by being brave. I was in the wrong place and too inexperienced.”

“Still,” Cassandra said.                     

“Still,” I repeated. I looked at my hands, the scrapes almost gone. “Maybe Varric will write his book faster now, huh?”

Cassandra rolled her eyes, smiling at me. “I doubt it,” she responded.

“Troops ready,” Cullen called and Cassandra looked over toward his direction.

We all went back to gather our things, Bull insisting he carries my bag. I kept my lute, throwing it over my shoulders. I ran a hand through my hair, happy to have bathed in a stream last night. I touched my cheek as I brought my hand down, finger tips touching the scar from the wraith. My first battle wound. The healer still wouldn’t let me look at my stomach wound yet, claiming I wouldn’t like what I saw. I took his word, not knowing what he was talking about but knowing I hated wounds. Even small ones.

“Doing alright?” Stroud asked me, adjusting the sword on his hip.

“Fine, thanks,” I replied giving him a smile. “You?”

I felt odd around Stroud. He had been there lately, not up in my space, but observing me. I felt awkward with it, and didn’t know how to proceed with him. I couldn’t tell if he was just protecting me or wanting something more. Either way, I decided I would go with it. Stroud was a nice guy and we needed him for the Inquisition.

“I’m well,” he responded, shifting his weight on his leg. “I was wondering if we might speak later, Captain?”

“Of course,” I told him. “Should I be worried?” Why did the head of the Grey Wardens want to talk to me? Things were going to be different now that everyone somehow knew I saved the Inquisitor and the others in the Fade.

“No,” he laughed. “Until later.” Stroud gave a smile and walked away. What just happened?

“Hello again,” Dorian said amused. “Another suiter?”

I watched Stroud go stand by Branwen. “I don’t think so.”

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“I can sleep just fine with you, Cassandra,” I said again. I had my hands on my hips. “I don’t need a tent to myself.”

“The Inquisitor says differently,” she told me. I rolled my eyes. This was getting ridiculous. I wasn’t going to get broken. I could sleep in a tent with Cassandra. How did I get special status to earn my own tent?

“I’ll go talk to her,” I sighed. I was tired of being treated like an invalid. I could carry my bags and sword, but Bull still wouldn’t let me carry my bags and Cullen didn’t issue me a new sword. I needed to talk to him about that. “After everything, I prefer not to sleep alone right now.”

Cassandra gave me an understanding look. “I want to write it all down so that I remember,” she confided.

“I think that’s a great idea,” I encouraged. “It will be useful for later when we are complaining about something like training.” I waved to her as I headed toward Branwen’s tent. We stopped for the night and she was discussing plans with Stroud.

Her tent was closed and I heard talking. I didn’t want to interrupt whatever they were planning. I never did check to see what happens between Stroud and the Inquisition if you saved him instead of Hawke. I went and sat by the fire that someone made between a few tents. Moving my lute to my lap to sit more comfortably.

Dorian was sitting there with Bull, their conversation very animated. On the other side of the fire, Cullen was reading a report. He was always working. A few soldiers sat as well, their conversations quiet. “Are you too injured to play us a song, Rift?”

His words broke my attention and turned my eyes from Cullen to Bull. “I might be able to make it through one,” I said with a laugh. I thought about the songs that I had for gaming and “Here’s to Us” by Halestorm came to mind. Perfect. I always thought it sounded like a post battle song then a love one.

I began strumming the chords, glad that this one was in between upbeat and slow.  Hawke and Varric glanced up from their conversation outside a nearby tent. I started to sing, my voice a little rough still but it adjusted once I got to the chorus.

_“Here's to us, here's to love_

_All the times that we fucked up_

_Here's to you, fill the glass_

_'Cause the last few days have kicked my ass_

_So lets give 'em hell_

_Wish everybody well, here's to us, here's to us”_

I glanced up from looking at the chords to find Varric and Hawke closer now, amusement on their faces. My eyes went to Cullen and he had a small smile on his face, report forgotten in his hand that rested on his knee.

_“Here's to us, here's to love_

_All the times, that we messed up_

_Here's to you, fill the glass_

_'Cause the last few nights have kicked my ass_

_If they give ya hell_

_Tell em to go fuck themselves, here's to us, here's to us”_

More troops gathered, cheering at my lyrics. I laughed with them as I finished the song. I handed the lute to Dorian, who took it with a wide grin. “When won’t your songs be entertaining?”

“When I run out of them,” I replied with a smirk. I slowly got up, the leaning over the guitar and laughing aggravated my wound. “I need a breather,” I told him in a low voice and he nodded in understanding, concern in his eyes.

“Do you need me to come along?” His voice only drifting to me. He glanced me over to make sure I wasn’t visibly bleeding or anything.

“I’ll be okay,” I told him. “Just in a little pain. I’ll be back.”

I began to walk to a thicker part of the forest, seclusion and quiet being the goal. I put my hand on my wound, the healer’s words reminding me that I was still mending inside as well as out. Magic couldn’t heal everything with speed. I heard footsteps behind me and I rolled my eyes. “You didn’t have to follow me,” I sighed, intending to see Dorian.

“I can leave,” Cullen said and I spun around quickly.

“Cullen! I thought Dorian followed me,” I told him, hand on chest. I felt myself get calmer, my nerves always on edge since the Fade.

“Dorian told me you weren’t feeling well,” he said with a bit of a frown. “Are you not feeling alright?”

So, Dorian sold me out to Cullen. What did that mage have up his sleeve. “I’m fine. You guys are making this a bigger deal than it is. It isn’t that bad of a wound,” I argued.

Cullen stared at me with astonishment and then crossed his arms. Oh no, I told myself. Arms crossing means trouble. “You don’t understand how bad you were, do you?” He said quietly. “You were bleeding heavy when I got there. Stroud said Solas made the bleeding slow down, so I can’t imagine what it was like before that.”

“Yes, but-.” I tried to cut in but he talked over me.

“You don’t understand what it was like to watch you lay there pale and hardly breathing,” Cullen’s voice went dark and he had a hand in his hair, whiskey eyes on my storm ones. “The screaming was the worst. Hearing the pain you suffered, and not being able to do anything but hold you down and make you take it. I felt helpless and guilty that you had to be in that position in the first place.” He took a step toward me. “That wound drained you of blood and life.”

“I’m still here,” I assured him, giving him a soft smile. I knew he had many bad experiences, and I hated that I would be another.  I leaned against a nearby tree, letting myself rest for a second. “The pain isn’t much anymore really.”

Cullen’s eyes looked down at his hands and he reached out to grab one of mine. I let him, confused at where he was going with this. “Usually, I never would have felt anything more than comradery with someone I’ve known for the amount of time we have.” He glanced up at me with a profound amount of intensity. “I have realized that war makes you feel differently.”

I tried to follow what he was saying. Did he just tell me he had feelings for me or? “I’m sorry Cullen, I don’t follow.” I looked down at my hand in his, feeling guilty about the secrets he still didn’t know. Maybe never know. 

He dropped my hand, taking another step closer. “I just don’t want to be too late, ever,” his voice getting husky. Oh God! This was going to happen! YES!

My breathing went faster and I stared at him with surprise, not expecting this conversation to happen this soon. “You’re not just saying that because you feel bad about what you said before Adamant?”

Cullen closed the space between us with another step. “I’m saying it because I realized it would have been too late if you didn’t escape Adamant.” He cupped my cheek, lightly tracing the scar on it with his thumb. I felt like my heart was going to leave my chest with how hard it was pounding. I reached up a hand, moving a stray curl and he smiled.

“Captain?” A voice called out. I almost yelled in frustration. Not now! Cullen jumped back, a flush of embarrassment on his face.

“I should go,” he said, taking a few steps back. No! Don’t pull away!

“Cullen?” I said hesitantly. I stood awkwardly, my eyes darting to the area where Stroud was calling from. Cullen’s scar lifted into a grin, and I felt my stomach flutter. “We’ll talk later,” he said softly. Okay! My mind yelled. I nodded, returning the smile. You did it! You. Did. IT!

Stroud came through a few trees, his eyes taking in the scene before him. “Commander,” he said to Cullen and then turned to me. “I was hoping I might get that word now.”

“Umm…yeah,” I answered, watching Cullen leave for a second. “What’s up?”

Stroud raised his eyebrows at the phrasing and gave a small smile. “I wanted to talk about what happened in the Fade,” he answered, his face serious.

I knew him and Branwen would want to talk about it eventually. “What about it?”

“I just wanted to thank you for what you did,” he told me. “I know I offered to stay behind, but you showed a ferocity and bravery I see only in true heroes.”

I blushed, tucking my hair behind my ear. “I…thank you Stroud. You are being too kind though. If I wasn’t so persistent, you would have stayed. I think if the roles were reversed, you would have been happy dying a hero.”

Stroud nodded. “With being a Warden, I am aware that I don’t have much time left to fulfill everything we aim to achieve. Being able to save the Wardens and help the Inquisition by sacrificing myself, would have made me remembered in history.”

“You sound as if I should have let you stay,” I told him with a quirked eyebrow.

“No,” he assured me. “I am very happy to have the chance to make things right here. To rebuild the Wardens to what they once were.”

“I’m sure you will be successful with that,” I answered, feeling very awkward. He smiled at me. This got deep and I didn’t know Stroud in game very well. It was like learning a new person.

“I actually came to tell you the Inquisitor was looking for you,” he informed me. “However, I figured I would get that word in really quick as I did it.”

“Oh,” I said lamely. “Yeah. Of course. It was nice talking Stroud.” I pushed myself away from the tree. “To you as well, Kassy.” He replied with another smile.

I made my way through the trees, heading toward Branwen’s tent. I felt nervous, not talking to her since the tent when I got the healing spells. I didn’t know what to expect, or what I was going to say.

“Kassy,” a soft voice said and I stopped, looking for Solas.

“Yes?” I answered, seeing him in a clearing a little way away. “How can I help you, Solas?”

His eyes studied me, still trying to put me together. “You surprised me.”

I raised my eyebrows at him. “I surprised you? Did you not expect me to live?”

Solas slowly walked toward me. “The Inquisitor told me about the rift you made and the size of it. That would have been an extreme amount of power to summon, and in your state, you should have been weaker.”

I crossed my arms and tilted my head. “I guess I’m just invincible.”

Solas slightly disapproves, scrolled through my head. “There are so many secrets that you keep, Captain. I wouldn’t be surprised if one of them happens to ruin everything you have created here.”

“I have secrets that could ruin things?” I asked in disbelief. “Yours will cause the destruction in worse ways then mine. It already has.”

He raised an eyebrow. “You seem to think you know a lot about me. We could be friends you know, Kassy. I greatly respect you. I wasn’t expecting so much from a human.”

We stared at each other. “Don’t do it, Solas,” I begged him, pleading him. “Don’t you love her? Don’t you want to be with her? Please, use your god powers for good and help heal the world. I know you believe in your cause and you think it’s right, but don’t you want to be with her? Doesn’t she deserve that?”

Solas’ eyes finally showed the emotion I was looking for. I somehow managed to turn the conversation to a route he wasn’t expecting. “You seem to be bleeding through your bandage, Captain.” I glanced down and saw that I was indeed bleeding a little bit through. How did I not notice? “You should go get that checked out by a healer.” 

I went to check it again, confused that this happened so quickly. “I think-.” I began, stopping when I realized Solas was gone. Sneaky elf. I sighed, making my way back to camp toward the Healer’s tent, my hand covering the stain.

I hurried through camp, wanting to get this done with quickly. I hated that I was still bleeding through bandages. What was the point in mage healers if I was still bleeding through? All my shirts were stained now. I passed Branwen’s tent, hoping she wouldn’t catch me. My luck wasn’t with me. “Captain!” She called.

I groaned to myself, just wanting to get this dealt with. “Inquisitor,” I replied. “I just have to get a situation handled and then we can talk.”

She noticed my hand on my wound and she seemed to understand. “I’ll come with you,” she told me.

I nodded, letting her tag along. The healer had me lift up my shirt as he began to unwrap the bandage.

“You wanted to talk Inquisitor?” I asked. Branwen watched as the healer got to the end of unwrapping, taking the bandage and placing it in water.

“Branwen,” she corrected. “In private you may call me Branwen.”

“Branwen,” I repeated. “What’s on your mind?”

“I know you have probably heard this a lot lately, but I wanted to thank you for everything you did in the Fade.” She licked her lips and crossed her arms. “I should have listened to you Kassy. I thought it was impossible and that you didn’t really know, but you were right. About everything. And yet, you still sacrificed yourself to help us.”

“Of course,” I told her. “Your cause is important. _You_ are important.”

Branwen smiled at this. “You’ve barely been a part of this world, or cause, for a month and you helped in more ways than you realize. I now know, that I should trust you and the judgement you have. I was wrong to not listen in the first place. If we brought Dorian, you would have been able to leave without being hurt.”

I winced as the healer started wash off the wound. I decided I was going to glance at it. I looked down at my stomach, embarrassed by the stretch marks. The stretch marks were forgotten once I saw the wound. It was fresh looking, and barely stitched together. The lining of the wound black from the poison. “Is that black?” I asked the healer. “That can’t be good.”

“The poison will leave once the wound is healed. Only a scar will be left but the blackness should fade within the week.” He started putting a poultice on it and I glanced back up at Branwen.

“Let’s be honest,” I smiled. “I would have still been hurt. I’m not super handy with a sword. Plus, without this, I may not have known how much Fade power I could use.”

“I admire your optimistic view,” she laughed. “I realize you have more information and that I will gladly listen to it, taking whatever action you seem fit.”

I grimaced as the healer touched the wound over the bandage, making sure it was on correctly. “I’m glad to hear that, Inquisitor.”

“Welcome to the Inquisition officially, Captain. I’m sure you will be getting plenty of praise once we reach Skyhold.” Branwen held out her hand and I shook it, feeling awkward with my shirt up, sitting on a stool. “I hope you will come with us to our quest in the Hinterlands in a couple weeks.”

“I look forward to it,” I said honestly.

Maker’s breath, I was going to need to do extra training. Shit! I forgot to ask about the tent!


	10. Chapter Ten

**I do not own any characters. Bioware the great and magnificent does. Thank you for all the follows and reviews! I’m sorry this chapter took longer to get out. Finals and such, so life is crazy here, but I finally found some time to get another chapter out! Hope you enjoy! Rated M for language and future lemons.**

“The wound seems to be healing nicely, Captain,” Bran told me with a smile. After spending so much time a day with the man, I finally asked his name. I hated that I still had to see him twice a day, even though they used magic to heal me. Apparently, my inner guts were more twisted than I knew, so the magic couldn’t heal as fast as normal. I gave a sigh of relief and a grin. “It is practically gone besides the scar. Give yourself one more day of rest and then you can pick up a sword,” he teased with a smile.

“I have been a little pushy with wanting to train, haven’t I?” I laughed, glad to not have a bandage on anymore. I missed being able to do things. We got back to Skyhold a couple days ago, making the journey in a quick four days. A whole week has gone by since I was stabbed with a fear demon spider leg, and I still dream about it every night. A nightmare that just keeps replaying. Now I knew how Cullen feels.

Bran nodded in amusement, wrapping the bandage up and putting it in a basket. He stood and put his hands on his hips looking at me with a stern expression. “No training today, and you need to start slowly tomorrow. No going at it like you are fighting the Blight. Your body went through a lot this past week and it would be a shame to yourself internally. Hear me?”

“Loud and clear,” I replied with a nod. “No extreme training and swordplay. Got it.” My body was ready to do anything other than sit around all day. I would go crazy doing another day of history with Dorian. I loved learning about this world, but Dorian seemed to make it almost feel like I was in a weird seminar. I wasn’t quite sure which parts of the information he told me was real or his version of what happened.

“No swords today, Captain,” he repeated, bringing me back to reality. “I mean it. I know you are ready to start, but one day more of complete rest.”

I rolled my eyes. Bran talks to me as if I haven’t been following his instructions precisely. “I know, Bran. I even stopped playing the lute so that I didn’t irritate it. Please tell me I’ll be able to play today?”

Bran got down to his knees to finish collecting the rest of his belongings, setting them in the basket with the bandage. “I suppose playing isn’t such a bad thing. Just don’t push yourself leaning over the lute and continue the potions I made you.”

“Aye, aye,” I replied enthusiastically, giving him a two- finger salute. “Am I free to leave?”

Bran chuckled. “Yes.” I started to get up and walk away. “You forgot your potions, Captain.”

I spun around and grabbed them from his outstretched arm. “Thanks again, Bran. I’m going to miss these really awkward moments of me sitting on a stool with my shirt up, while you touch any bruise you see possible.”

Bran rolled his eyes and laughed. “I’m sure there will be more meetings.”

“I know,” I answered honestly. “Until then!” I waved to him and almost skipped away from the healing tents.

What to do with my new freedom? Well, almost freedom. One more day until freedom. At least I could play my lute again! I have missed it. These past few days have been kind of miserable. I hated that I couldn’t do anything and even stayed away from the training yard and tavern, mostly keeping to the library. Everyone was busy with the after event of Adamant and so I have been keeping company with mostly Dorian. Solas has offered me lessons again, but Bran was insistent that I don’t do anything that could affect my healing. This meant no magic lessons and no going to war council meetings, much to Branwen’s dislike.

I made my way to my room, wanting to finish Swords and Shields, finally on the last chapter. I was very surprised with how much I like it. Dorian says that if I wanted to read something that would make me excited like Varric’s smut, then he has a page of history that he wrote himself that would do the trick. I politely declined, but Dorian doesn’t like no for an answer. I am learning more about Tevinter than I ever wanted to know.

The rain was falling lightly, almost like a mist as I made my way up the stairs, taking in the view of Skyhold in the rain. Yesterday and today were the first days I actually ever saw it rain here. I was beginning to wonder if it was only ever sunny. The mist stuck to my clothes lightly and made my hair slightly curl in random places. I glanced over at Cullen’s office door as I made my way to the top of the stairs, sad that I haven’t been able to talk to him privately since the forest.

Getting troops prepared and helping plan for the next move was the talk of the inner circle, according to Dorian. Branwen had everyone out scouting and finding information. Even Cole. I should talk to Cole today. That would be nice. Well, if Cullen doesn’t visit while I am. Cullen had been busy with finding Samson as well, sending out troops to find Maddox. I wonder if he was going to go too. I wanted to see that lion helmet on him in person. Some quick smiles from across distances and a few “heys” were the most we have been able to have since returning.

I left my door open when I entered the room, going to open the other door as well. I loved the smell of the air when the rain fell. Noticing the still burning torches, I felt almost at home in this odd bedroom. I missed all my old things though. My books, trinkets, and blankets. The things that hung on your walls and sat on your dresser and bookshelf, telling the world exactly who you are. My room screamed geek, but nothing beat having the window open on a rainy spring day, cuddled up in my fuzzy red reading blanket, drinking a cup of tea, and smelling a soothing candle as I read a book.

Swords and Shields laid on my trunk, and I grabbed it before crawling on to my bed. I kicked off my boots, hating the feeling of them on when I read. For some reason, my feet needed to be free. I curled my toes a couple times on the blanket, and flopped onto my stomach, ready to do some hardcore reading. I put my feet in the air, crossing them at the ankles, flipping open the book to a few pages before the last chapter ended, reminding myself what happened. I put my chin in one hand, fingers tapping my mouth as I read, a habit I hated, that I started as a kid when reading.

I tried to read slowly, wanting to spend as much time as I could with this book, knowing that Varric hadn’t quite finished the next one. Ending books was always so hard. I hated that I devoured it and reread the last couple pages again to feel the emotions throughout me one more time. This was all I could do for the last couple days. Read Swords and Shield and history lessons. Today just started, and I refused to have another history lesson. I needed the new book from Varric. Now. Or another book like this. I was obsessed and there was no Pinterest to help ease the pain of not having the characters with you anymore. Cassandra would have something, and she needs to read Varric’s new chapter before me.

I was determined to spend the rest of my day in this room, barefoot, hair down, and smuggling some food in so I could avoid having to leave my book. I needed to travel to a different fantasy place. Without a second thought, I grabbed the finished book, hurrying out of my room and toward the quickest path to Varric.

Right now, he was probably in the main hall drinking. That was his thing. I opened Cullen’s office door, hearing Jim talking to him. I tried to hurry past, determination making my stride faster. “You forgot your boots,” Cullen called to me as I opened the door toward Solas’ study.

I glanced back at him, walking backwards. “No time for boots! I have to talk to Varric,” I explained. He shook his head in amusement, a smile on his face. His eyes seemed more tired today. “If you needed to talk though,” I told him, stopping as I touched the door handle.

“I have to finish a couple things. Maybe later,” he answered, his whiskey eyes making me get butterflies.

“Cool,” I answered lamely with a grin. “Bye.” I shut the door, running down the rampart and through Solas’ study. “Hey dude,” I greeted Solas casually, earning a perplexed reaction. Solas had been busy the past few days, trying to figure out more about the Fade, and was often sleeping while doing it.

I quickly entered the main hall, glancing around as I shut the door behind me. Verric sat at a table, Hawke with him. Both deep in conversation. At this point in game, doesn’t Hawke go and help some place? He didn’t follow us back.

I strutted up to the table, putting the book on the table and stared Varric down. Varric and Hawke looked up in surprise, both amused and confused. “Looking good today Prophet.”

“Finish it, Varric,” I replied, my hands leaning on the table. “I need to know and I’m going to go crazy if I have to sit through more history with Dorian. I need to know what happens to the Captain and I’ll take anything you can give me.”

Varric’s eyes widened for a second and he started to laugh. “Not where I thought that conversation was going to go Prophet.”

“I didn’t realize you were a fan,” Hawke chuckled, glancing at the book. “Of Varric’s less charming books.”

“I can’t help it, they are addicting,” I said with a hint of begging. “How long until you have it done Varric? I know we have been through a lot and you’ve been a little preoccupied but how often do you get fans begging for your next book?” I looked down at my feet. “Bootless.”

Hawke and Varric looked under the table at my feet, laughing hard at seeing that I was in fact barefoot. I waited for the laughing to calm down, both of them crying tears. “They come running bootless for your books, Varric!”

“This is a first, Prophet,” Varric informed me, wiping a tear from his eye. “I’ll finish it by tomorrow night. I’ll meet you at Herald’s Rest after dinner.”

“You’re the best Varric!” I squealed, genuinely excited. “Thank you so much! I need to find another book in the meantime.” I backed away, smiling to myself. Now to find Cassandra and let her know. I was about to go out the front door and remembered boots, quickly swinging back towards Solas’ office. Confusing Solas with my greetings, was my favorite hobby lately, and so I wasn’t disappointed with the genuine look of confusion when I gave a slight head nod and “hey brah”. I had to use that one more often.

I ran through the now, heavier rain, into Cullen’s office, bumping into him as I opened the door. “I’m so sorry,” I exclaimed. “I should have knocked, I keep forgetting.” I ran a hand through my hair, the wetness from the rain, helping to keep it back a little. I looked at the ground and saw a broken box. “Cullen?”

Cullen ran a hand through his hair, his face pale and sweaty. He bent down and picked up the box, placing it on his desk. I shut the door and locked it, not wanting anyone to come in and see him like this. I knew he probably hated me seeing him like this. “I’m sorry. I don’t seem to be quite myself right now.” He muttered a quiet maker’s breath before sitting on the edge of his desk, hand on the bridge of his nose.

“Don’t apologize,” I said awkwardly. Do I tell him I know about his lyrium withdrawal? That he stopped taking it and that I think it’s the best decision? “I’m glad you didn’t give in to it,” I decided to say, knowing this was going to be awkward either way. I bent down and picked up the couple stray tools that came from the kit, placing them on his desk, next to the broken box.

Golden eyes that were above black bags, stared at me with surprise. “How did you know?”

I shrugged and glanced down awkwardly at my bare feet. “I just did.” I noticed another tool under his desk and I bent down to get that as well. His eyes were still on me when I glanced at him as I put the tool on the desk with the others. “I won’t intrude on your time anymore.”

“I just don’t want to be like the others,” he said quietly. “What happened there, I-.”

I took a step toward him, putting a hand on his arm. “I know,” I told him honestly, not wanting to have him relive the story.

Cullen glanced down at the hand on his arm and back up to me. “How?”

“I just do,” I replied again. “I know a lot of information about this world remember. That bit happens to be part of it.”

His eyes seemed lost and puzzled. “I should be taking it.”

I thought of the game and the dialog options. I wasn’t expecting to be doing this conversation with him. I felt panic in me. My first real talk with Cullen about himself and his addiction and I go stupid. Typically, I would say something to lighten the mood and make the person laugh, but he needed to talk. Okay, Kassy. What would Captain King do? Sit here awkwardly while he tries to share his personal feelings, or try to say something encouraging. Say something. Do something. Literally anything!

“Don’t do it,” I told him, reaching for his hand and pushing back a curl from his finger ridden hair. “Keep fighting. I’ll be right next door to help you if you need a friend on the rough days.”

Cullen let go of my hand. “The Inquisitor thinks I should keep taking it.”

Branwen did? What the hell? I always wondered what the conversation would be like, but I didn’t realize one of my Inquisitors would do that. “She did?”

He nodded, turning to put away the tools into the bottom part of the box. “I spoke with her yesterday evening.”

I glanced at the broken box. “I think she’s wrong. We both know that isn’t what you want either.”

“What I want is to have the Inquisition succeed. If that means I take lyrium to help that become a possibility, then I must,” he said forcefully. His attention on the desk.

“Not if it goes against who you are, Cullen.” I argued. I wanted him to make this decision. I hated that in game, you really could choose. I was glad there was the What do you want option if you romanced him. “Just remember why you stopped taking it in the first place.”

I felt myself start to shiver a little. I should have put on boots and a cloak before leaving my room. I wasn’t going to leave Cullen if he wanted to talk. I crossed my arms, rubbing the tops of them, trying to get some warmth. My bed sounded good.

“I don’t expect you to understand how it works here,” he whispered. Cullen turned to me. “The Inquisitor is my leader and I must do as she says for the sake of the Inquisition.”

“It’s your mind and body that is effected by this this though. Wouldn’t it be better to have you with a more peaceful mind?” I asked. It now just occurred to me that everyone literally just does as the Inquisitor says, no doubts or questions. I guess that it why the approval system is in the game. To let you see just how bad you were. “You should get some sleep. You don’t look so hot.”

“I don’t look so hot?” He asked, eyebrows raised. “Does everyone talk like you from, Michigan, did you say it was?”

“Sort of,” I replied, thinking of my little sister, who perfected the art of cutting down almost every word to one syllable. I recently told her to stop doing it around Dad who was trying this out, telling me everything was “perf” the last time I talked to him. “Not important. The important thing is that you do what you want to do. When it comes to your mental wellbeing, that is your decision only Cullen.”

Cullen nodded in understanding, his eyes going back to his kit. “I think I need to be alone for a while.”

I got that. Big decision to make and I hoped he would sleep. I told my feet to start moving to the door, but my body had other thoughts. I was taking another step to him, and then I was hugging him. I felt the softness of the fur on my cheek and the scent of him enveloped my senses. Cullen seemed surprised at first, unsure of what he should do, before his arms folded around me. My dad always told me, that when you felt at your worst, a simple hug from someone who cared, could make it seem a little better.

The art of hugging isn’t a science, but King’s were trained to give the most comforting hugs. Our hugs seemed personal and reassuring. Probably from always giving them whenever anyone left or came to visit or any family gathering. No one could hug better than my dad though, however, I was starting to think differently in Cullen’s arms. I gave a quick squeeze, before starting to pull back, but he held on. “Just a little longer, this helps,” he breathed into my ear.

I waited until he let go just a minute later and I stepped back with red in my cheeks. “Sorry,” I said louder than I needed to. Come on Kassy! Check yourself! “I’m going to go get boots on and see Cassandra.”

The smallest smile came to his face as he looked down at my feet. I was in desperate need of a pedicure. “It was nice talking to you.”

I gave a warm grin, and opened the door towards my room. Rain was starting to fall heavier and I shut the door quickly before sprinting to my room, sliding a little on the slick stone. I pulled on my boots and cloak, wondering where Cassandra would be when it rain. I was guessing the usual place in game. I carefully made my way down the steps, hurrying to find her, Cullen’s embrace bringing another smile to my lips.

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I laid in bed again, the pillow under my stomach, as I turned the page to a new book Cassandra told me to read. I had to agree with her, not as good as Swords and Shields. Varric has a unique writing style that makes you feel like you are in the moment.

I heard the rain falling a little heavier outside my open door and I wish my mind would let me have one peaceful night of sleep. I was now to the point of avoiding sleep because of the haunting of being stabbed by Mr. Spider Arms every night. The same fear of being alone in the Fade and dying with no one claiming my body was always present with the dream. I know I volunteered myself to die, but I want to let my family know at least. I should start researching portal travel. Maybe the mirror? Could that work?

I rested my feet on my pillow, feeling the coldness of the fabric on my skin. I needed a pedicure. Badly. I missed my younger sister and her love of going to get them done. The massage chair and a Starbucks were her favorite part. Oh, how I wish I could hear Sadie call me by her favorite nickname for me, Koosy, right now. I closed my book, sat up and reached over for my lute.

I strummed the chords to one of our favorite artists Josh Groban. I decided not to sing, content with the sound of the chords as the rain fell. I closed my eyes, thinking about what she would be doing. She would probably be watching “The Office” with her girlfriend, and texting one of the sisters to see when we would do a Treat Yo’self day. God, I missed her.

I changed the chords to “Hallelujah”, and it took me a minute to get the key right on the lute. I finally got it and I played it softly, remembering the way we would belt it out together. Without realizing it, the lyrics were coming out of my mouth and I heard Sadie’s voice with mine. She always had the softer voice like Mom, while I had a more belting voice like Dad. I wasn’t thinking about anything else but her as I sang and I stared out the door, at the falling rain, trying to picture Sadie’s face. Only away for not even a month, and I couldn’t picture her clearly. Only the parts that stood out most. Her blue eyes, big smile, and curly blonde hair. I heard her voice in my head perfectly, and her laugh ringing in my ears as if she was there.

Easter was this month sometime and I could picture all my siblings together. Teasing and laughter filling my parents’ home. I could see my nephews running around, looking for eggs outside and then eating all their candy before Easter dinner, causing massive stomach aches. I heard my parents at the table, thanking God for having all of us there with them. I heard my brother in law telling me to lower my standards and settle down. I pictured Liam and my dad with their guitars, playing requests and people joining in while the others talked or played a game of pool. I could almost smell home and I needed to feel my Dad’s arms around me, telling me he was glad I was home and that he loved me. I needed family and a sense of belonging.

I finished the song, leaning the lute against the wall, before a sob escaped my lips. Oh no, here we go. The water works. The tears came faster and soon I couldn’t stop the sobs from filling the room. God fucking damn it, Kassy. You told yourself you wouldn’t do this! No pity! Find a way home and until then be strong. But how could I when I can’t stop thinking of them? When I can’t even send them a note or have my ashes be with them if I died. They wouldn’t know. I wasn’t made to be away from them so long, without any communication.

I tried to wipe the tears away and stood, not knowing what was wrong with me. Why now? Was it because I had a near death experience? Was it because I felt wrong here, and that no one really knew me besides Cole. He didn’t really understand though. The guilt in my stomach twisted and made my anxiety trigger, causing a whole new round of tears. They think you a Captain, but you’re just a nanny. Nothing more. People like the fake version of me, not the real version. Corypheus or Fear demon or whatever the hell was in the Fade was right. I’m a fake. I felt frustrated, angry, and sad that I was in this situation.

I heard my Dad’s voice tell me to calm down and take a deep breath. Think it through. Don’t get yourself worked up. I grabbed my dragon necklace, squeezing it tight, as I cried, my chest hurting from the intensity of the bawling and my breath was hard to catch. I shut the door that led to the ruined rampart, not wanting to wake anyone with my crying. I took a deep breath, turning to close the other door. I felt the sobs quieting, and I was left with cry hiccups and non-stop tears. My eyes were broken. I made it to the doorway, about to close it when a figure was running down the rampart, Cullen’s office door open, the light shining out onto the rampart. Shit! I woke Cullen.

He got closer to the room and I saw him without his armor. You had to be a baby and wake him from his sleep. Congratulations. “Cullen? Go back to bed,” I told him through the rain as he approached.

Cullen side stepped me, coming into the room. “Are you alright? I heard your crying.” His blonde hair was damp from the rain and wet spots were on his shirt. His eyes were full of concern, looking me up and down for any bodily harm. “Are you hurt?”

“I’m fine,” I said, wiping tears from my eyes. “Seriously, it’s stupid and…” I hiccupped and ran my hand over my cheeks again. My voice wavered a little and I rolled my eyes looking toward the bed. “I’m so sorry I woke you.”

“I wasn’t sleeping,” he tried to comfort me. He reached out a hand to touch my arm and I almost broke down again. “I was actually debating for a few minutes coming over,” he confessed.

I turned to him, sniffing. “You must think I’m stupid! Crying like an idiot,” I responded. “It won’t stop,” I told him, my voice breaking. “You’re the last person I want to see me like this.”

“What happened?” He asked, visually searching the room. I almost laughed. Did he think someone was in here?

“It’s the same thing as usual. Just hit harder tonight than before,” I answered quietly. “I’ll be okay, Cullen. Go back to bed. I’m feeling better already.” I gave a halfhearted smile.

Cullen raised an eyebrow, reaching out a hand to wipe away the tears from my face. “You don’t seem okay.”

I gave a weak chuckle. “Compared to your issue, mine isn’t anything.” I felt his calloused fingers on my face as he brushed away the tears and it helped keep the tears away. Finally! What the hell tear ducts!

“I talked to the Inquisitor about that,” he informed me, his eyes going to mine, his hand left my face. “You were right. She understood my reasons for not wanting to take lyrium. I just need to take a few minutes to myself sometimes, she said.” He had a half smile. “Seems everyone thinks I just always walk around with a serious expression.”

“I’m glad you made the decision you wanted, Cullen.” I congratulated him, feeling a little better. My chest was able to finally breathe without the hiccupping. “And I wouldn’t say all the time.”

“I’d like to know what you are thinking though,” he said quietly. “What’s keeping you from sleeping tonight?”

I blushed, embarrassed by my nightmares. “I haven’t been able to dream about anything other than the Fade since I made it out of there.” I sighed. “Mostly the whole Fear demon part.”

Cullen’s eyes darkened with understanding and he leaned against the door frame. “I understand those. Nightmares.”

“I know,” I replied lamely. “Did you sleep yet?”

“A little,” he answered. “Did you want to talk about why you were really crying?”

I ran a hand through my hair, shaking my head. “It was a moment of self-pity and I won’t let it happen again.”

“Self-pity? What does the hero of Adamant Fortress have to pity about herself?” Cullen asked with a small grin.

“Dorian spreads that fast,” I muttered. “Honesty time Cullen,” I began, taking a step toward him. “I’m not what you guys think I am. Captain isn’t what people called me back where I’m from. I never learned to fight back home, and I am pretty sure I would accidently shoot an arrow into someone’s eye or ass if I was told to fire one. I don’t dress like this ever, except for when going to certain themed events, and I now have a very passionate fear of spiders, that never was there before.”

“You might have came here that way, but you earned the title Captain,” he answered, no doubts on his face. Cullen straightened when he talked to me, his posture determined, like when he was talking about the recruits in the game. “You trained like no other recruit I have seen, by not only Cassandra, but also Iron Bull. You went to battle demons you knew you probably couldn’t take on, but you did it without fear and with determination. And even after the Inquisitor and I both doubted your plan about the Fade, you helped get the others out without them having much damage. You stayed and created a portal. Stroud told me in great detail, what exactly you did.”

“I didn’t do that-.” I tried to interrupt, but he kept talking.

“It doesn’t matter what you were back where you are from. You had to change to adapt to a new culture and world. You had to learn to defend yourself and the Inquisition. You sing songs that make people feel emotions. You had to leave a family and life behind. Knowing what little I know of your past, doesn’t change how you handled yourself at Adamant. I don’t tend to judge people based on their past.” His voice burned with a passion as he spoke, each word trying to make me understand. “You’ve earned the title Captain.”

I didn’t know what to say to that. Cullen had moved closer as he spoke, neither of us noticing until now. I felt a tightening in my chest. An emotion that is hard to put words to. Not love, but in that vicinity. All I knew is that I wanted to kiss the Commander right then. Before my brain could register proper thoughts or movements, I closed the space between us, grabbing his shirt and bringing him in for a kiss.

I’m kissing Cullen! I’m. Kissing. Cullen. Oh my God! It was so much better than I thought it was going to be. He hesitated at first, surprised, but then his arms were around my waist, as he returned the kiss with the same amount of passion I was. We both pulled away at the same time, my hand still fisting his shirt and his arms around my waist. “I’m so sorry,” I started to apologize, looking up into his eyes. “You were just saying those words and I had to do it.”

“I’m glad you did,” he said smiling. “I wanted to do that since you walked through my office barefoot.”

I laughed. “Bare feet do it for you?” I let go of his shirt, letting my hand rest on his chest.

“It wasn’t your lack of boots,” he chuckled. “It was the energy you had coming from you. The excitement and relaxed personality. You seemed happy, and I never saw that yet.”

“I was happy,” I replied. “But I think this beats Varric’s book.”

He pushed the hair from my eyes. “You should sleep now,” he told me gently. “Are you going to be okay?”

I nodded, starting to walk out of his embrace. “Good night then Cullen. I promise I won’t wake you with any more hysterical sobbing again.”

He pulled me to him again, giving me another kiss, this one more fierce than the last. I grabbed his hair, loving the feel of the thick curls in my fingers. “Goodnight,” he whispered when he pulled his lips from mine. I still had my eyes closed as he removed his arms from my waist. My fingers slowly left his hair and I felt all my worries from earlier disappear. I opened my eyes, finding his whiskey ones on my face.

Cullen gave me a smile over his shoulder as he made his way out of the room. I watched him from the doorway as he walked back to his office, looking back at me as he closed the door.

That man was just….just…wonderful.

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“I figured you might have an easier time if you did long range combat,” Dorian informed me. “You may not be a mage, but Sera could teach you a few basic moves with a bow.”

“Right I can, yeah?” Sera pulled out her bow and arrows. “So, you point the arrow at the thing that’s running around and shoot.”

“For some reason, I feel it’s a bit more than that,” I quipped back, trying to adjust the bow and arrow in my arms.

“Shouldn’t she keep going in the training she already knows,” Iron Bull commented from behind us.

“I agree with him,” I answered, eyes on Dorian. “A sword might-.”

“Just shoot the bow, huh?” Sera said loudly. I adjusted the bow in my hand, aiming it at the dummy. More like pointing the bow in that direction. I wasn’t even good at this on the Wii. I drew back the drawstring, and the arrow fell out. “Give it another go,” Sera told me. I adjusted the bow again, placing the arrow in the string. I brought the string back, able to keep the arrow in this time. I let the arrow go and my bow shifted a little almost hitting a passing Cullen.

“That is getting old Sera!” He called, glaring in our direction.

“Oh, back off Wanker!” Sera hollered back.

“My bad!” I shouted, a small smile on my face. I thought about how he talked to his recruits. “If you were my enemy, you’d almost be dead!”

Cullen glanced over at the arrow and then at me, the arrow a couple inches from him. He raised an eyebrow, shaking his head. “Stick with swords.”

“Noted,” I called, watching him walk away with a grin. I turned to Dorian. “Maybe he’s right.”

“Nonsense,” Dorian stated, while Bull said “Rift should” at the same time. They stared at each other. “It doesn’t take much skill to swing a sword around,” Dorian taunted.

“What would you know of it Mage?” Bull challenged. “Here.” Bull grabbed an extra sword from the training stock and held it out for Dorian.

“Let’s get this done with,” Dorian smiled with a tinge of excitement. “Watch this.” He told me, leaning his staff against the wall. “Don’t let anything happen to it! I shined it so it reflects my face perfectly.”

He strutted over to Bull, grabbing the sword and taking a stance. “I bet on the big one,” Sera said excitedly.

“Don’t tell Dorian, but me too.” I whispered back with a chuckle. She laughed hard looking on at the fight, sitting on a barrel. The swords began to clash and I was surprised by how well Dorian could hold his own. Sera shouted in excitement, her hand hitting Dorian’s staff, making it fall to the ground.

I reached down, not wanting Dorian to see his freshly polished staff in the dirt. I put my fingers around it, feeling a distant thrumming beneath them. Weird. I stood, adjusting the staff in my hand, so I wouldn’t drop it. Suddenly, a ray of purple came out of the staff, hitting Bull. Bull fell down and I quickly dropped the staff with a scream.

“Rift!” Bull shouted, groaning as he got back to his feet. Dorian stared at me with wide eyes, mouth open fully.

“I’m so sorry Dorian!” I blurted, hand to my face. “I didn’t mean to break it. I’ll try to find money to get you a new one! I don’t know what I did, but I swear I will never touch a staff again.” I felt panic in my chest, and felt like when you had to tell your Grandma you broke her favorite picture frame.

“Well that will be difficult, seeing you are a mage,” Dorian told me with his eyebrows raised.

“No, I’m not!” I said instantly. In my head, Mage Rights Activist shone in bright letters. “I can’t. My world doesn’t have magic users.”

“I’m sorry to remind you, but you aren’t in your world,” Dorian argued, glancing down at his staff. “I think we found your weapon.”

I glanced down at the staff, grabbing my necklace. This couldn’t be real. Me a mage? Doing magic? I thought about the possibilities. Blood magic. That would be cool. I would be down with learning that and Dorian approving of that and all. Wait. No? Back up a step? How did I not know? “Doesn’t it take a long time to learn magic? How did it only work with the staff?”

“You should ask Solas,” Bull told me. Dorian rolled his eyes.

“He might know the Fade, but I am also a scholar. If what I have gathered about you is correct, your type of magic needs actual spark to ignite. The Fade had to be present to really work for the rift and now the magic in the staff helps magnify the magic in you.” Dorian leaned on his staff, looking at me with great intensity.

“So, that was my magic magnified? It’s not very good,” I questioned with a frown.

“That was what happened with you only touching the staff. Imagine if you focused!” Dorian said with excitement. “Your magic is different. It’s not from here. Imagine what it could be like when joined with the magic of this realm?”

I glanced over at Bull who shrugged and then I glanced to Sera who stared at Dorian with furrowed brows. “You’re crazy,” she simply said.

Dorian ignored her, his focus still on me. “Let me train you and help you see what abilities you possess. You can also train with Bull and Cassandra still if you want, but at least then you would have a backup.”

I studied Dorian, trying to find a flaw in this. In game, I trusted him completely, but I didn’t really know him. I knew that if I was going to need someone’s help with finding a way home, he would be a very good place to start. “All right Dorian. I’ll give it a go; however, I have a favor to ask in return.”

Dorian raised an eyebrow. “What is this favor?”

“I need your help to find a way back home to my world,” I answered with determination. “You know where to look in books to help me, and I prefer not to ask Solas.”

Dorian tilted his head, his eyes staring into mine. “I’ll do my best to help with that.”

I felt a huge weight lift off my chest. I ran to him, flinging my arms around his neck. “Thank you, Dorian!” He was hesitant at first, but his arms came around me in a tight hug. I pushed away with a grin. “When do we start all mighty mentor?”

“In between your combat with Cassandra and Bull,” he returned with a twitch of his mustache, lips in a small smile. “Be prepared for training you never had before.”

“Come on Rift,” Bull sighed, as he rolled a shoulder. “Let’s go to the tavern and get you some food.”

Maker’s Breath! The tavern! Varric better have that new chapter ready!


	11. Chapter Eleven

**I do not own any characters. All hail Bioware, for they created the characters that make our lives complete. Thanks to all of you that are reading this, commented, or are following! I really appreciate it. I hope you enjoy this chapter! Rated M for language and future lemons!**

“I can’t believe you did it,” Cassandra said shocked, a huge smile on her face. She held the book I gave her in her hands tightly. She looked up at me. “And Varric doesn’t know about me wanting it?”

I shook my head. “I’m kinda a huge fan. Even ran through the rain barefoot to demand he finished writing.” I put a hand on my hip. “So, hurry with it,” I teased.

Cassandra gave a chuckle and her mouth formed another smile. “I promise to read it as quickly as I can. I have a feeling there will be a couple sleepless nights ahead for me.”

I laughed, remembering days when I would pull all-nighters to finish a book. “A girl after my own heart,” I sighed. “Take your time. I have a lot of training ahead of me, so not a lot of time for reading.”

“Are you able to train again?” Cassandra inquired.

“Bran said as long as I do it slowly,” I answered. “No training like I’m fighting the Blight, I believe he said.”

Cassandra nodded, holding the book at her side. “Then tomorrow morning we’ll resume where we left off if you would like.”

I nodded, a grin on my face. “I would love that. Don’t want another Adamant mishap.”

Her eyes went down to her feet, her weight shifting to the other leg. “I will make sure that won’t happen again Captain.” Her gaze back to me.

“Thanks,” I said awkwardly. “I look forward to training in the morning. I’ll leave you to your book.” I winked at her before turning with a wave.

I left the smith shop humming to myself. I felt my lute hitting the back of my thighs as I walked, making me feel like singing a song. I started humming La Vie en rose, and I began to sing the lyrics as I passed the training circle. “This magic spell you cast, this is La Vie en rose.” My voice carried a bit, causing some to glance my way as I walked by.

I spun in a circle as I sang the song, Cullen’s kiss on my mind as the lyrics flowed from my mouth. “When you kiss me, Heaven sighs. And though I close my eyes, I see la vie en rose.” I ran a hand through my hair, skipping up the steps toward the main entrance. I got to the first landing before the second set of stairs and looked up at the sky, the sun starting to set. “And when you speak, Angels sing from above. Every day words seems to turn into love songs.”

I closed my eyes spinning again, knocking into some one behind me. “I’m so sorry!” I half laughed, turning. “I was having a Disney moment.”

“A what?” Cullen asked amused. I glanced around, glad no one else witnessed my embarrassing moment.

“Nevermind,” I told him, my face flushing. “You should probably be warned. I’m kind of weird.”

His eyebrows went up and he smiled. “I’ll keep that in mind,” he said. I put a hand to my neck, looking around with complete awkwardness.

“As always, pleasure talking to you,” I said lamely. I began to back away. I felt weird around him since our kiss. Things seemed easier in our rampart part of Skyhold.

“About last night,” Cullen began, causing me to freeze mid step. I tilted my head, waiting to hear what the Commander had to say. “I didn’t know if…well I thought that…Maker’s breath.” Cullen turned, hand on the back on his neck.

I felt relief that he found the situation awkward as well. “Do you regret the kiss?” I tucked a piece of hair behind my ear, nervous for the answer.

Cullen faced me, his scar lifted in a smile. “No.” His voice was clear and his whiskey eyes went to my blue.

I sighed a breath of relief and gave a half smile. “Me either,” I replied. Where to go from here? What do I say? Do I just stand here awkwardly, or try to move? I glanced at the scar on his lip, wanting to reach up and touch it. “What now?” I asked awkwardly, crossing my arms.

Cullen considered me for a moment. “I didn’t have a plan in mind,” he said hesitantly.

“I wasn’t…I didn’t,” I babbled. Yeah. Should have saw that coming. I put a hand to my forehead and looked at the stone ground.  “I’m going to go before I embarrass myself even more,” I told him, quickly glancing at him before turning to go up the stairs. “La vie en rose,” I muttered quietly.

A hand grabbed mine and I turned to see Cullen’s eyes turning golden. “That song,” he began. I blushed and glanced at our hands before returning to his face. “I think it’s my favorite I’ve heard you sing.”

I blinked at him a couple times. “Thank you,” I replied with a small smile. “I’m sure you’ll hear other ones you’ll enjoy more.” I tried thinking of the other songs I knew that might speak to Cullen. Hell, I didn’t even think that would speak to him, though I didn’t know he could hear it at the time.

“I doubt it,” he whispered, taking a step forward and putting a hand to my face. He leaned toward me, my breath catching in my throat. I felt my heart beat faster, his touch always a surprise. I closed my eyes, wanting to soak in this moment: Cullen kissing me in public. We were basically on view for anyone to see on the staircase. His lips were on mine and the kiss was gentle, almost hesitant and my hand went to cover his on my cheek. He broke the kiss and we stood there, our noses almost touching, just enjoying the moment.

“I knew it was only a matter of time,” Dorian’s voice drifted to us. I glanced over toward the direction of Dorian’s voice, his smile very smug. I felt annoyed at the interruption and raised an eyebrow at him. He finished climbing the rest of the stairs and stood next to us. Cullen’s hands left me and he cleared his throat, drawing my attention. He seemed suddenly aware that we were just kissing in public and his cheeks went red.

“I…I didn’t realize we were so…public,” he stated with a hand to his neck. 

“Very, Commander,” Dorian quipped back with a large grin. “You two will be the talk of drinking tonight.”

“Is that bad?” I asked, genuinely not sure what that meant. I knew Cullen didn’t like to have his life on display.

“For certain mages and dwarves, it is,” Cullen replied, arms crossed now, eyes on Dorian. “I do like to keep my private life just that, private.”

“Of course, Commander,” Dorian said in a teasing voice. “That is why I kiss people on the entrance stairway as well.”

“Dorian,” I warned, not wanting him to take things too far. “Cullen doesn’t care what people think of us. Right?” I turned to him, hoping he’d agree and we could move on. Maybe even publicly. I realized my words were a mistake as Cullen looked down at his feet, hand in hair.

“It’s not that you are-,” Cullen started, his eyes coming up to meet mine. Dorian stayed quiet, probably enjoying the drama or not wanting to make things worse.

“I thought you didn’t care about my past,” I said quickly, my emotions making me unable to process what was coming out of my mouth. Where was he going to go with that statement? I knew being with Cullen was going to be difficult, but in game he never seemed to care about what other people had to say. “But you care about what they think?”

“You didn’t even let me finish what I was going to say. You just assumed that was what it was going to be,” Cullen replied, his tone turning very commanderish. I ran a hand through my hair and took a step back.

He had a point Kassy. Listen and then lash out. I took a deep breath. “You’re right. What were you going to say?”

“Just that…Well…Maker’s breath. I should get to the war council meeting,” he said, dismissing himself from the conversation. His glance swept over me one last time, before turning to run up the stairs to the doors. I watched in muted dumbness, trying to process what the hell just happened.

“Was I just dumped?” I asked Dorian, my hands on my hips. I turned to look at the mage who gave me a look of pity. “I’m taking that as a yes.”

He came toward me and put an arm around my shoulders. “Come on,” he said gently. “Varric and I will help you drink your sorrows away.”

“I don’t know if I should drink with you again,” I told him, remembering the last time we drank. “Getting drunk won’t do anything.”

“No?” Dorian questioned, eyebrows raised. “It always helps me. Maybe we should go see Sera or Cole instead?”

I rolled my eyes, knowing he was trying to push my buttons. “Fine. One drink.”

He laughed, squeezing me to him. “Of course, one drink.” Dorian led me up the stairs and opened the door to the grand hall. Varric and Hawke were sitting at a table near the middle of the main hall, tankards in front of them. “The Commander just doesn’t understand woman,” Dorian tried to explain to me.

I gave a sigh and adjusted my lute on my shoulder. “Even if he wasn’t telling me he thought we’d be a bad idea, he would once he found out I’m a mage.”

Dorian raised an eyebrow and let go of my shoulder as we approached the table. “Extemplar has an issue with mages?” He asked in a mocking way. “He might not have an issue though.”

“Prophet, Sparkler,” Varric greeted us. “Care for a drink?”

“Just one,” I stated clearly to Dorian. He rolled his eyes.

“The Commander is a little dodgy with his feelings,” Dorian told Varric. “She thinks he would have fled anyhow once the former Knight-Captain found out she’s a mage.”

“Curly and you having issues huh?” Varric asked with a twinkle in his eye. “I was wondering if Curly was ever going to find someone.”

“You’re a mage?” Hawke asked with a bit of a smirk. “I guess I should have seen that coming.”

Varric gestured for me to sit and Dorian left to get a couple drinks for us. I crossed my arms on the table and gave a small smile at the two friends. “I didn’t know until I touched Dorian’s staff today. We are starting training tomorrow.”

“I could give a couple tips if you’d like,” Hawke offered. Varric raised his eyebrows at me and turned to Hawke.

“I’d take him up on that offer, he doesn’t usually offer it willingly,” Varric suggested to me. “Curly is moody anyhow. Might be best you didn’t pursue anything with him.”

“I don’t know,” Dorian said, placing a cup in front of me. “They seem to have a connection. He’ll just have to get over his mage-phobia.”

Hawke laughed. “Why don’t we ask what he has to say about our hero being a mage? He should be done with the council meeting soon.”

I blushed and felt anxiety at the thought of the three of them talking to Cullen. “No way are the three of you talking to him,” I ordered taking a drink of my ale.

“Maybe it’s what people are saying about you that has him hesitating,” Dorian pondered.

I quickly turned to look at him. People were talking about me? What were they saying? I took a deep breath and told myself it didn’t matter. Would Captain King care what people had to say about her? Would she change what she did because of gossip? “I doubt rumors are what is making him hesitate.”

“I don’t know. Curly does have a thing for his reputation,” Varric argued.

“Let’s choose another topic,” I commanded as I quickly drank the rest of my drink. “I’m going to get another.”

I made my way to the kitchen, thinking about what the others had to say. Why did it matter? Sure, Cullen was amazing and everything I wanted in a man. I mean he had the whole back story that was tragic but intriguing. The whole love his family and his chess obsession. Not to mention his looks. I was planning on leaving anyhow and how was it fair falling for him in real life? If this was real life.

Maybe I should just let things be and focus on training and finding a way home. I really needed a reality check and the whole, “You’re a wizard Kassy”, deal wasn’t as awesome when Hogwarts wasn’t in the picture. I just needed to focus on staying alive long enough to get home, eventually. If only there was a way to even communicate to home. I’ll have to rethink the whole mirror thing.

I filled my glass with ale, nodding to a passerby. I still haven’t even gotten my other bag back from Cullen or whoever had it. I should give Sera my pixie dust. She’d have a blast with it for her pranks. I smiled remembering Cullen covered in glitter.

“Your cup is overflowing,” a voice said behind me and I snapped out of my daydream, realizing that I was in fact having ale run over my hand.

“Oh!” I exclaimed, moving my cup and wiping my hand on my pants. “Damn.”

“You were having a lot of thoughts.” I recognized Cole’s voice as I focused on what was happening. “He brings you both pain and joy. As does the thought of your family.”

I blushed, my blue eyes meeting his. “I wish I could read your thoughts so I could help you with your issues.”

“Varric helps with that,” he informed me. “And the Inquisitor.” He tilted his head and studies me. “Tell me how to help you.”

I shook my head and gave a small smile. “There really isn’t anything. Singing helps, but honestly I am trying to learn about everything right now.”

He gave a big smile and nodded his head. “I like your songs. They aren’t very sad and they make my foot tap.”

Oh, bless his heart. “I’m glad you enjoy them,” I answered. “Maybe I’ll do another performance soon at the tavern.”

“Would you play tonight?” Cole glanced at me with those sad puppy eyes and I felt my heartstrings pull. How could I refuse Cole a song?

“Have anything in mind?” I asked him with a bit of a sigh. I was trying to rack my brain of songs that didn’t mention a lot of tech stuff. It was hard to do. I would have to start practicing figuring out the chords to other songs.

“I think I would like to hear one about your God you talk to in your head all the time,” he gently answered. “He seems different than any gods here. Odd that you just call him God. Well, I have heard an occasional Jesus.”

I stared at him with my mouth open. “You hear me? When I’m praying in my head or even…well…cursing?”

“Of course,” he said matter of factly. “I know that every time you get upset, you say a quick prayer even though you don’t fully believe He’ll hear.”

I held my cup with both hands, staring at him in awe. “That’s…well…of course I’ll play a song for you.”

“Maybe then you can play one for Cullen. It might make you feel better,” he told me.

“Maybe,” I replied. “Come on. I should play for you before I drink anymore.” We walked in companionable silence to the main hall and he sat at the table with the others. “Got us a new recruit,” I announced, sitting next to Dorian.

“Hey Kid,” Varric greeted Cole. Cole nodded and sat with his hat covering most of his face.

“I’m just here to listen to Kassy play,” he informed the table. I nodded and placed my cup in the middle of the table.

“He has requested a song of my god,” I told them, standing up and pulling the chair at the end of the table out. “And how can you say no to that?” I asked them, nodding my head in the direction of Cole and his puppy eyes.

“I never object to your playing,” Varric agreed. “This should be interesting.”

“She also agreed to sing a song about Cullen,” Cole interjected, his voice almost hopeful.

“We said maybe,” I reminded him, feeling like I was talking to my 4 year old charges.

“I think that is a splendid idea Cole,” Dorian praised him, a smirk on his face. “Sing it out is what I always say. Right Captain?”

I rolled my eyes and sat in the chair, adjusting my lute in my lap. “Yeah. It’s your motto,” I played along, tuning the lute. “This one is a slow one, just so you know.”

I focused on my fingers, not having played this one recently. Dad usually played this while Mom sang and so I never really tried to be an expert at it, knowing it would never be as good as when Mom and Dad did it. “You Raise Me Up” by Josh Groban was a favorite when they were feeling down. The lyrics were right in my brain as I started to play the chords and I felt all eyes from my table on me.

“ _When I am down and oh my soul so weary_

_When troubles come and my heart burdened be_

_Then I am still and wait here in the silence_

_Until you come and sit a while with me”_

I didn’t glance up as I sang, not wanting to mess the chords up. I kept singing though, doing it in a more Celtic like styling. As I finished the song, I felt the peace in my chest I always got after praying or singing a God-like song. I looked up at Cole, wanting to know his reaction.

There were tears in his eyes and he gave a small smile. “I heard your memories as you sang. It was beautiful.”

I smiled thanks and felt myself blush. A small applause went through out the hall, and I didn’t realize that so many people were in here and listening. “I think they want an encore,” Dorian winked at me. “Maybe something to do with a certain Commander?”

“Yes!” Cole said with wide eyes. “Please? Another!”

I glared at Dorian. How could I say no to poor Cole? “Sure wish Curly was out here for the performance,” Varric muttered into his cup.

“I think your wish was granted, Varric,” Hawke laughed, nodding in the direction of Josephine’s office. Of. Fucking. Course.

“This will be fun,” Dorian teased. “Oh, don’t blush. Do a song that will win him back! Beat the rumors!”

What rumors!? My mind screamed. I told it to calm down and that it was best we probably didn’t know. “Like what?” I asked, trying to figure one out. What song would speak to this situation that didn’t mention the club or modern day stuff.

“I have faith you’ll think of one,” Dorian told me with a wink. “You haven’t disappointed yet.”

I glanced over at Josephine’s office and saw Cullen’s back, his hands moving as he spoke to Leliana. If the rumors were keeping him from with me I had to think of one that had to do with that. I went over the artists in my head. Most were about breakups and not being together, then Neon Trees flashed in my mind and “Everybody talks” played in my head. This was one of the first songs I learned to play and was upbeat for Dorian.

I smiled to myself, keeping my eyes on Cullen as I started the intro to it. I knew that the upbeat tempo was grabbing the attention of others around the hall and I stood up to really give them a show. I glanced over at my table as I made my way to the middle of the hall, and they all gave entertained smiles. They were ready for the performance, or the result at least.

“ _Hey baby won't you look my way? I can be your new addiction. Hey baby what you gotta say? All you're giving me is fiction,”_ I sang and I glanced up at Cullen, his eyes on me, his hand frozen in the air as Leliana glanced between the two of us in amusement. _“It started with a whisper. And that was when I kissed him. And then he made my lips hurt. I can hear the chitchat!”_

Laughter from my table erupted as they were the only ones really understanding what the lyrics might mean to this situation. Cullen’s hand fell and he crossed his arms, giving me his full attention, realizing this song was directed to him. Leliana watched nearby, never seeing one of my performances yet, with a large grin. I was glad she seemed to approve, coming from an actual bard. Whether she approved from Cullen’s situation or my actual song, I didn’t really know.

“ _Hey, honey you could be my drug,”_ I continued with a grin, and Hawke almost choked on his drink, knowing that the templars were addicted to Lyrium. I heard Leliana snicker too and Cullen almost rolled his eyes, but one side of his mouth was tipped up in a smile. _“Oh my my shit. Everybody talks, everybody talks. Everybody talks, too much.”_

Cullen shook his head in amusement now and I finished the song with confidence. My table was the first to erupt in laughter and overdramatic cheering. I rolled my eyes at them, but glanced back at Cullen with a small smile. His half smile turned into a full one and he put a hand to the back of his neck. He was about to start walking toward me when Jim stopped him to look at a report.

I swung my lute to my back, going back to the table for the rest of my drink. The table was all snickers and side comments as I reached for my cup. “I think he got the message, Prophet,” Varric told me with a laugh. “It was very clear.”

I frowned at my empty glass. “Really guys? I go entertain you and you drink my ale?”

“My cup was suddenly empty and you hardly touched that one,” Hawke informed me with a grin. “I didn’t want to miss that stunning performance for another.” He added a wink and I gave a chuckle.

“Probably for the best. I shouldn’t drink more anyhow,” I told him. I pushed my chair in and leaned my hands on the back of it. “Well, I’m glad you enjoyed the show boys, but I am going to sleep and prepare for my big day of training tomorrow.”

“As always it will be a loss,” Dorian declared with a smile. “However, be prepared to train like you never have before.”

“Awesome,” I sighed. “Night guys.” I waved to them, taking Solas’ study to the rampart. He glanced up as I entered and I just gave him a head nod. “Sup Sol.” I greeted him, continuing to walk without waiting for an answer.

Cullen wasn’t in his office and I sighed a breath of relief as I quickly made my way to my room, ready to fling myself onto my bed and pass out from an eventful day.

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“It’s all in the twirl,” Dorian informed me, demonstrating the arc of this particular move. “Now try again.”

I held the staff he brought for me in my hands, attempting to copy his movement. This felt awkward. “Am I doing it?”

Dorian observed me with crossed arms, his brow furrowed. “Your arm is all wrong. Just do it so it feels right. You’ll know once you get it.”

I focused, trying to perfect the move, my arm bending gracelessly. “This doesn’t feel right at all.”

“Hmm,” he said to himself, walking around me. “Maybe your magic needs different movements.” His hand was on his chin in thought. “Try closing your eyes and focus on your magic. Maybe the movements will come to you.”

I nodded, closing my eyes and trying to focus on the word magic. How do you call on magic? _Magic?_ I called out to my mind. Nothing. I tried focusing on what it would be like to feel the magic like I did my fade magic. There was a bit of a warmth through me and a feeling I couldn’t quite put to words. I hesitantly started moving my body in what felt right, having to reposition a couple times.

“Keep focusing. You’re getting it,” Dorian told me.

I spun my staff twirling in my hands. I slammed it down on the ground and lifted it again, the vibrations sending chills down my body. I kept the movements going, only stopping once my arms burned and I had to rest them. I opened my eyes, almost forgetting where I was, being so caught up in the moment. I blinked a couple times and realized I was panting.

Dorian grinned at me, his arms crossed and hip cocked. “Congratulations. You found how to move with your magic. Interesting movements. You must have a very different magic.”

I couldn’t help the smile that came to my face. I was proud of this accomplishment. It was hard getting in tune with your inner magic. I leaned on my staff. “When do I use magic with the movements?”

“That all depends,” Dorian answered. “Sometimes magic comes faster to others. It all depends on your own mind.”

I sighed and adjusted my weight. “What kind of magic do you think I have? Necromancy like you?”

He laughed and patted me on the back. “No. Definitely not that.”

“I could do necromancy! You don’t think I could?” I argued. “Why are you still laughing?”

“You are too sweet,” he replied. “You don’t have the hardness.”

I raised an eyebrow. “I’m too sweet?”

“Yes.” He leaned down and picked up a different staff. “Now try with this one.”

I began to twirl with the new staff, the feeling of the magic, coming faster. I spun around and saw a recruit heading toward us. I stopped, wiping the sweat from my face. “The Inquisitor requests you come to the War Council Room immediately.”

I turned to Dorian and gave him a questioning look. “Did you know there was going to be one?”

Dorian shrugged and leaned against the post. “I never do. She calls them whenever she feels she should.”

I turned back to the recruit. “I’ll be there right away.” He nodded and jogged away. I stared after him, knowing I didn’t look very suitable for a council meeting after training with Cassandra and Dorian.

“Better get going. She doesn’t like it when others are tardy,” Dorian told me, pushing me on my way. I sighed and nodded, using my staff like a walking stick. “On your back,” he instructed coming up to me. He grabbed the staff and helped me situate it behind me. “Good luck.”

I mumbled a thanks, before heading toward the entrance to Skyhold. I hadn’t been to a meeting or talked to Branwen since we came back. I was nervous for some reason, not knowing what this meeting was about. I climbed the steps quickly, not wanting them to wait long. The staff hit my legs as I walked and I was painfully aware that I was now outed as a mage.

Opening the door to the main hall, I took a deep breath, not wanting to be panting when I walked into the room. I kept a quick pace, brushing the hair that fell into my eyes away. What a sight I must be. I wish I had my hair products. I miss actual shampoo and conditioner…and lotion. Smelling like an actual girl instead of sweat and random flowers that I kept in my room to help keep the smell of body odor away. What I wouldn’t give for some deodorant!

At the thought of not having deodorant on, I suddenly felt like I had a very strong smell of it coming from me. Of fucking course. Might as well smell gross since I know I look like it. After this meeting I would be heading off to find Bull to train with him. I was excited to keep training going, especially after noticing how toned my arms were getting. I slid past the opening of the door that led to the hallway to the war room. I raised an arm, looking around to make no one was around, before taking a quick sniff. Not as bad as I thought I smelled.

I grabbed my necklace, sending a quick plea to Dad, telling myself he somehow heard it and was sending some positive vibes to me right now. I straightened my shoulders and took a deep breath, adjusting the sword on my hip and staff on my back. Alright Captain King, time to go to work.

Gaining confidence, I embraced my training look and strutted to the war room door. I pulled it open with ease, hearing the sound of Josephine’s voice. I loved her accent, and wondered if mine seemed weird to them or just average, seeing how most of them seemed to have American accents. The door shut behind me with a bit of a bang and I almost jumped.

Heads turned in my direction and Josephine stopped talking. I noticed everyone’s expression, a different one on each. Josephine seemed surprised at my appearance, whether it be my post training look or my lateness. Branwen was relieved, as if thinking I wouldn’t show. She must be worrying about what to do and needed my advice. Leliana seemed almost impressed, as if not expecting me to turn up with sweaty hair and weapons. Cullen’s was hardest to read. I almost thought he seemed…confused. I didn’t react to their reactions, heading to the war table to stand next to Branwen.

 “Sorry I’m late,” I apologized to Branwen. “I was training with Dorian when the recruit came to get me. I came as soon as he gave me the message.”

Branwen smiled and nodded. “No harm done. Josephine was just telling us about Empress Celine.”

“Dorian?” Leliana asked still studying my weapons. “So, you’re a mage?”

“It seems so,” I replied, glancing at Cullen. His focus was on my staff, his face in Commander mode. I sighed internally. That would be a great conversation. “Dorian wanted to teach me the basics and in return he is going to help me figure out a way back to my world.” My attention was back on Leliana. “If there even is one.”

Her eyebrows rose at this and she crossed her arms, hip jutted out. “So, you don’t plan to stay?”

I should have seen that question coming, but I was taken by surprise at it. “I plan on helping for as long as I can.”

“We appreciate any help you can provide,” Josephine approved. Her smile was soothing, and I felt my confidence come back. “Especially when it comes to Celine.”

“Yes,” Branwen interjected. “It seems we are invited to the Winter Palace.”

I thought back on Celine and everything I knew about her through the game. In my playthroughs, I tended to keep Celine alive and tried to have the three rule together, but lately, I had Briala killed and Gaspard banished. Either way, Celine seemed like the better choice of the three so I was happy when she was still on it. She seemed to be the least sneaky of the three and easiest to work with.

“The ball I assume?” I asked, my hands on my hips and weight on my left leg. “What are you hoping to accomplish there?”

“We aren’t quite sure,” Cullen’s low voice filled the room. I turned my attention to him, his brown eyes on me. “We were hoping you might have some information for us.”

My eyes went to Branwen and I took a breath. “I’m going to help you out and tell you straight away, that there is some serious jealousy happening at the Winter Palace.” I leaned against the table, figuring out the best way to explain what happens at the Winter Palace, without having to go into a lot of details.

“Jealousy?” Branwen asked, brow furrowed. “Between Celene and who?”

“I’m guessing Gaspard,” Josephine interjected, her voice lost in thought. “Why wouldn’t he be jealous of the cousin that got the throne?”

“A throne that was rightfully his,” Cullen added.

“So, we side with Gaspard?” Branwen questioned. She glanced at everyone in the room.

“Let’s hear what else Captain has to say before jumping to conclusions,” Leliana suggested.

Branwen nodded, her attention on me again. “Of course,” she said with authority. “Continue.”

I kept my attention on her, not wanting to get distracted by Cullen. “There is an elf named Briala there. She used to be a lover of Celine’s and now she is an ambassador. Gaspard thinks she’s planning on ruining the treaties.”

“Briala of course,” Josephine muttered. “I didn’t realize her and Celine have had relations.”

“Gaspard has blackmail on many people. Even bribed a few with offers. However, Celine is not without her faults, though I think she will be the easiest to work with. If you find evidence of their deeds, you can have them work together. If you can’t find evidence for all of them, then you will have to choose a leader.”

Branwen stood in thought, her eyes glancing around the room. “Who do you suggest if I can’t find all the evidence?”

“Surely, you should make that decision,” Cullen interrupted. His brown eyes met mine before turning to Branwen’s.

“I will,” Branwen assured him. She stood straight with her arms crossed. “I would be foolish not to hear her opinion after last time though.”

“Will there be any fights?” Leliana inquired of me. I was surprised at how much interaction I was having with her. “With so much plotting happening in secret, there are bound to be a few brawls, correct?”

I nodded. “There will be. However, I could make a map of where you will find the evidence to help cut your time away from the ball. People will notice. Some of us should distract the guests to keep their focus away from the fact that the Inquisitor isn’t present.”

“They’d notice?” Branwen asked in surprise.

“Of course,” Josephine answered. “You are the Inquisitor and before that, the Herald of Andraste. Also, an elf as well. The talk will be about you and the dancing. You will be missed if gone long.”

“Then I guess you guys are going to have to dance to help distract them from her absence,” I informed them, glancing at each. “You’re good at dancing, right Josephine?”

“Enough to distract the guests? No, not that good.” She shook her head as she talked, a small smile on her lips. “I could talk to them though. Help distract that way.”

“What about our Commander?” Leliana asked. “I’m sure there are many mothers trying to marry off their daughters on you.”

Cullen blushed. “I don’t dance.”

“Pity,” Leliana replied with a bit of a smile.

“So, a dress would most likely get in the way,” Josephine thought out loud. “That will create a problem.”

I tilted my head. “You aren’t just all going to wear formal suits.”

Josephine looked at me in terror and Leliana laughed. “Not to an Orlesian ball.”

“Cullen will be,” Josephine added. Cullen seemed surprised.

“I’m going?” He asked a bit annoyed.

“Of course,” Josephine replied.

“Nervous Commander?” Branwen asked with a grin.

Cullen rolled his eyes. “Not in the least.” He gave a smile. “I am charming when I need to be.”

“Then you will be great at distracting the guests,” Leliana teased. “Won’t you Commander.”

“Of course he will,” Branwen told us. “He’s the Commander after all.”

“Still doesn’t help our clothing situation,” Josephine sighed.

I thought about options, glad they were wearing dresses to the ball. An idea came to me, inspired by the many superhero movies Liam made me watch. “I have an idea on that.” I gave her a grin, my cheeks hurting. “An American idea.”

“I have no idea what that means,” Cullen replied.

“Me either, but it sounds intriguing,” Leliana commented, a sly grin on her face. I felt pleased she was finally looking at me in a way other than anger or suspicion.

“I look forward to hearing about it,” Josephine informed me. “Shall we discuss it after the meeting?”

I thought that over a second, knowing I could show her better in a drawing. “I will draw it for you. Give me until the morning and I’ll have some concept sketches for you.”

Josephine smiled and nodded. “I’ll provide you with some paper and ink before you head out.”

I nodded in thanks and turned my attention to Branwen. “As for who I would choose, it would be Celine. She will be the one to work with you loyally.”

“Thank you, Captain,” Branwen said, her focus on the map before her. “I have a few things to finish in the Hinterlands and then I’ll be back. We can head to the ball once I return.”

“Of course, Inquisitor,” Josephine answered, writing on her clipboard. “Who do you plan on bringing to the ball so I can get outfits made accordingly while you are away.”

“The three of you,” Branwen began thinking it over. “Solas, Dorian, Bull, and Captain.”

I stared at her in shock. “Me? Are you sure? Especially after what happened last time I went?”

“Even more reason to bring you,” she answered, her light blue eyes intense on my face. “You were the reason any of us made it out alive. If I have you, I plan on bringing you.”

“I…,” I tried to think of coherent words. “I look forward to going.”

“Great,” she replied. “A party of us leave for the Hinterlands in a day. You will join.” I nodded. “That is all for now.” She straightened and glanced at all of us.

“Inquisitor,” the three advisors replied together and Branwen turned to leave the room.

“Meet me at my desk and I’ll have that paper for you Captain,” Josephine told me before following the Inquisitor out of the room.

“I look forward to see how this plays out, especially if all you say is true. There isn’t a dull moment in Orlais, is there?” Leliana addressed me, her usual stance in place. I laughed.

“I would think the same of Skyhold,” I answered. “The Inquisition is definitely known in Thedas.”

“Then we are doing something correctly,” she replied. “Until next time.” Leliana gave Cullen a pointed look and left the room with a smirk.

Cullen was staring at the map and I pushed myself away from the table to leave, feeling completely awkward. After finding out I’m a mage, was he going to distance himself? Did he not like the performance last night? I was so not good at this whole put myself out there relationship thing. I sighed when I glanced back to see him still looking at the map. It was nice while it lasted. I had a hand on the door when I heard his voice.

“An American idea?” He asked, a bit of a chuckle in his voice. “You should write a book on the terms you use.”

“What would be the fun in that?” I joked, my hand leaving the door handle. “Wouldn’t you say a Thedan idea, or Kirkwallian idea?”

“Kirkwallian?” He laughed an eyebrow lifted high.

“Well, Americans are from America. Thedans from Thedas and Kirkwallians from Kirkwall.” I explained. “It makes total sense.”

“I don’t think anyone from Kirkwall calls themselves Kirkwallians,” he answered, a half smile on his face. His brown eyes were now on my blue ones and I smiled.

“Well they should,” I replied. “I’ll inform Hawke and Varric immediately.” Cullen chuckled and glanced down at the map. I took this as my dismissal to leave. “I better get back to training.”

He glanced up at that. “So, archery didn’t take?”

“Told you I’d probably hit someone if I did it,” I teased. “I’m still training with Cassandra and Iron Bull with the sword. However, magic called to me so that is what I decided I should try. Why run from what you are?”

His golden eyes were looking into my blue ones and he held them for a minute, both of us quiet. “You shouldn’t,” he whispered quietly.

“I shouldn’t?” I responded, moving closer to the war table, eyes still locked. “So, you don’t care I’m a mage?”

Cullen sighed and gave a small shake of his head. “Should I?”

I felt embarrassed and tried to get rid of the redness from my face. “Just with everything you’ve seen from mages and being a templar and all, I assumed that…” I tried to think of coherent words. “I just assumed you wouldn’t want to, ya know, keep pursuing anything with me.” I heard what I said and I knew I blushed even more. “Not that you were pursuing anything with me,” I said quickly. I put a hand to my forehead and closed my eyes. “Especially after that speech. My God!” I muttered. I coughed and started to back away, trying to look anywhere but at him. “I’m just leaving before I say anything else to embarrass myself in front of you. It seems to be a common occurrence the past few days.”

I started to go to the door, making my pace quick. I shook my head at myself, knowing I would be embarrassing myself more by talking further with him. I heard the sound of his boots behind me and I felt his hand on my wrist. “I never got to talk to you about that song yesterday.”

I prepped myself mentally before turning around. You got this Captain King. You can do this. Just let him talk and do as minimal talking as possible. I faced him with a small smile. “Should I be worried?”

He put a hand to his neck. “No, not at all,” he muttered, glancing down at the ground. “In fact, I should be the one worried.”

I laughed and he looked up at me. “You think you should be worried?”

His whiskey eyes trapped mine again and the butterflies were in full force. “The way I handled the conversation on the stairs yesterday. I…I feel that I owe you an explanation.”

His hand was on my wrist still and I glanced down at it. “Honestly, Cullen, you don’t have to explain anything. I understand,” I tried to assure him.

“You don’t though,” the huskiness in his voice making me glance up. “I’ve never done this before. Everyone knowing my personal affairs.”

“So, it had nothing to do with the rumors of me or my past?” I asked self-consciously. I was painfully aware of my appearance again and my post training stink.

“The rumors are just that rumors, though they gave me pause at first.” His eyes never left my face as he talked except for a quick glance at my staff. “But I knew they were just that, rumors. As for your past, you seem to know mine somehow and still aren’t judging me for it. I told you the other night, I don’t tend to judge others on their past anymore.”

I was trying to follow what he was saying. So, it was a personal issue, not anything to do with me. “I somehow feel there is more to this than just being scared to have a public relationship.”

He ran a hand through his hair and his hand left my wrist. His eyes were closed and he half turned. “Like I said, the rumors did give me pause.” He faced me. “But that song last night. I shouldn’t have let the rumors make me think anything. I’m sure there are plenty of rumors about me as well.”

I crossed my arms. “I haven’t really heard any besides you seem to be too into work and are like a sad puppy.”

“Varric?” He asked with a roll of his eyes.

“And Dorian,” I answered. He sighed and gave a small chuckle.

“I guess those were more truths than rumors,” he admitted.

 I glanced down at the ground. “Cullen, I know you said that you didn’t have a plan or anything but I understand if you didn’t want to-.”

“Pursue anything?” He asked as I timidly glanced up at him. “After your song last night, I’d be a fool not to. La vie en rose, right?” His hand was on my cheek and I held his eyes.

“Even though I’m trying to find a way back?” I questioned, obvious doubt in my voice.

His eyes swept over my face. “Especially because of that.”

I felt the chills throughout my body and my breath picked up speed. I hoped he would kiss me again. I loved it when this man kissed me. I couldn’t even think of words to reply to that, so I stared at him, awe on my face. I wrapped my arms around his waist and pressed my face to his chest, needing to hold him. He wrapped his arms around me as well, his head resting on top of mine. We stood that way for a minute and I felt embarrassed again. I didn’t think that would ever go away. I let go and took a step back. “I should be getting back to training. I was going to find Hawke and see when he wanted to start training before heading to my training with Iron Bull.”

“Hawke is training you?” Cullen crossed his arms, Commander look on his face again.

“He offered and Varric said I should take him up on it,” I replied. Cullen’s face didn’t budge and I sighed. “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure to be careful. I know you don’t approve of him or his friends.”

Cullen snorted. “I approve of a couple of his friends.”

“Cassandra doesn’t count of one of his friends,” I countered. “See you later?”

“Of course,” he replied, a smile on his face.

I grinned and I turned to leave, actually opening the door and heading toward Josephine’s office. I turned toward her desk, clearing my throat to gain her attention. She looked up and grinned. “Oh, there you are. I was wondering when you were going to show.” Josephine grabbed a few sheets of paper and a pencil. “I look forward to seeing your ideas.”

“Me too,” I answered honestly. “Thank you, Josephine!” I started to head toward the main hall but stopped. “Could you tell me which room is Hawke’s?”

“Second room when you head to the guest rooms,” she replied. I smiled in thanks and headed off toward the guest wing.

I knocked on the door three times quickly, before opening the door. “Hawke? I don’t know if you remember offering some training but I thought I’d-…you’re not Hawke.” I stared at a blonde-haired man who returned the surprise glance. I stepped back from the room to look to my right. Yeah, this was the second room. Wait. This guy looked familiar. “Anders?”

Maker's Breath! Why was Anders here?!


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Chapter 12**

I swear this was Anders. It had to be. I mean, I didn’t play Dragon Age 2, but pictures and pins of this guy and Fenris were everywhere on Sarah’s pinterest page. I mean, I even look at a picture of him every time I walk down the hallway to my room. We even have his manifesto hanging above the entrance to the hallway as the focal point of the living room. Real life him was definitely more attractive, but why was he here? From what I gathered from Sarah and talking to people in Inquisition, this was the mage that blew up the chantry in Kirkwall.

“Do I know you?” Anders asked, his voice suspicious. He looked me up and down, his staff on the bed, out of reach.

“No,” I replied, hesitating in the doorway. I tried to think of a reason I knew his name quick. “Just figured if you are in Hawke’s room, you must be one of his chums.”

Anders stepped toward me and I couldn’t reflex in time. He slammed me against the wall and held me there, his arm pinning to the wall across my chest. “You’re lying. How do you know me?”

I felt my heart race and I looked into his amber eyes, panic rising in me. This mage was fucking crazy! This is who I wanted to romance?  What did Sarah tell me about him? He left the Wardens because of a cat? “You won’t believe me, so let’s just say I’m a psychic.” I closed my eyes and thought of the fade, knowing he could do so much damage to me before I do anything to him. I felt the connection to the fade and pushed the energy out. Green energy shot out of me and Anders let his grip go as I slid to the floor. I rubbed my chest, bruised from his arm holding me up.  “Fuck,” I muttered, the bruise already forming.

“What did you do?” He asked in shock, rubbing his shoulder from the impact on the stone floor.

“Magic,” I muttered, standing up. “I thought you’d be familiar with it. Being taken over by Vengeance or Pride or some shit like that.”

“Excuse me?” Anders was watching me warily. “You are very close to getting a fireball thrown at you. The only reason I am holding back is because you know Hawke.”

“Seriously, I’m not a threat,” I tried to assure him, my tone less hostile. “I didn’t mean to get snappy with you, I just don’t often have people holding me up against doors that have blown up chantries.” I wiped the hair from my face and went to the door, ready to leave before I actually had to suck on a fireball. “Don’t worry I won’t tell anyone you’re here. Unless they already know, but I doubt Cullen and Cassandra would let you be here if they did. So…can you tell Hawke Captain King was looking for him?”

“Wait,” his voice rang out and I felt a shiver. His voice was amazing. Already I knew who I would be romancing in the second game…if I ever got back to play it. Would I want to play now that I have been here and experienced things? Would I want to have the memories of here come back? I shook away the thoughts and focused on Anders. “Why wouldn’t you tell them?”

I shrugged, crossing my arms and leaning on my right leg. “Why would I? I have nothing against you or Hawke. You must be here for a reason. I’m guessing you are on the run with Hawke. I don’t know your whole story though.”

He raised an eyebrow. “You know I blew up a chantry and you are willing to just pretend I’m not here?”

I sighed and sat on a chair. I crossed a leg over the other and leaned forward. “Listen,” I began, taking a deep breath. “I hate the Chantry as much as you. Hell, I’d blow up a church too, if they supported the suppression of what God granted us. Magic isn’t a choice. Like a lot of other things. Everyone deserves to be free.” I shrugged and glanced up at him. “Also, Varric wrote a book about Hawke and the mage who blew up a chantry. It’s not exactly a secret.”

Anders considered me, his brown eyes lost in thought. “Where did you say, you were from?”

“A different world…realm? Michigan,” I decided on finally. I bent down to pick up my staff and adjusted it on my back. “Like I said, just looking for Hawke. He said he’d give me some magic tips.”

Anders raised his eyebrows. “You don’t know how to work magic? Aren’t you a little old to not understand your power?”

I shifted my weight, wishing I played Dragon Age 2 now. “There isn’t magic where I am from. Well there aren’t mages or anything like that. I just found out I was a mage yesterday.”

Anders looked at me in doubt. “You are asking Hawke for help? You do know he’s a blood mage?”

I felt excitement rise in me. “Is he really! I so want to learn that!”

Anders shock almost made me laugh. “What?” He shook his head, a hand going to his temples. “I guess if anyone was going to teach you how to be one, it would be him.” His hand went down suddenly and he glanced up. “How did you know about Justice?”

I glanced around, trying to think of a distraction to get out of this one. “Trust me, you don’t want to know. I am going to be late for training with Iron Bull, so I should go. Nice meeting you Blondie.”

I hurried down the hallway, barely hearing him mutter something about Varric. I jogged toward the training field, wanting to hurry with training so I could talk to Dagna about my keys. If I got back home, I’d want them. If Dad didn’t have new ones made since mine and me went missing.

I suddenly realized what my disappearance must seem like at home. Was I dead to them or just missing? Did Leaha and the others get sent to therapy or told they were hallucinating? _“No! We didn’t hallucinate! We saw a rift open and Kassy was sucked in! You have to believe us!”_ If it was me hearing this, I would have thought them crazy. Were the woods searched to see if me or any of my belongings were there? I can’t imagine how my parents must feel. How long would they search before thinking I’m dead? I still wasn’t fully convinced I’m not in an intense coma dream.

I practically ran into Iron Bull, my thoughts making me unaware of my surroundings. “Watch out, Rift! You almost ran into a post earlier.”

I shook my head, clearing my thoughts. “Sorry Bull, just a little distracted with my thoughts. You ready to train?”

Bull crossed his arms and looked me over. “You seem off. Come on. Some training will get your head straighter.”

I took out my sword and laid my staff against the fence, readying myself for some training. I swung the sword a few times, feeling my muscles react to the weight of the sword compared to the staff. “I did some training this morning with Cassandra and I feel I got worse.”

“That’s to be expected after your kind of injury,” Bull informed me, his own sword swinging through the air. “After a couple weeks of not training, your body went weak and it’s going to be awhile before you get back into shape.” He raised an eyebrow at me. “You might want to train with Cullen’s troops once in a while to see where you are at in training. It may surprise you.”

I snorted. “To see how a bunch of recruits who have been training forever can kick my ass? I’ll be surprised if I don’t fall on my ass.”

“You underestimate yourself. Tomorrow instead of training with Cassandra or me, you train with the recruits. Wear a helmet and see what areas you need to focus on.” Bull swung his sword again. “Right now, though, I’m going to wear you out. I hope you really are healed.”

I groaned at what he had in store, a hand automatically going over my scar. “I guess we’ll find out.”

Skjajfdaj

“Harder! That’s right Rift! Give it more power! Hands above your head as you strike down!” Bull called to me, this particular session a struggle for me.

I lifted the sword again, my arms almost giving out on me from the constant use today. I knew I was pushing it with this training session, my stomach starting to hurt from the sharp movements. I swung the sword down hard, earning a yell of praise from Bull. I continued to keep fighting, wanting to get the other movements we worked on before in. I spun my sword hard, missing him, and he sidestepped. I barged at him with my shoulder, swinging right after, setting him off balance and I sighed with pride, a hand going to my wound.

“There you go, Rift! You’ll be getting to where you were in no time.” He patted my shoulder. “You had a lot of training today. Go find Bran and see that your wound is okay. Tomorrow you train with the recruits. Cassandra usually leads them, so you’ll be fine. I’ll tell her my plan on my way for a drink. Don’t forget to get that wound checked, Rift.”

I nodded, unable to talk through my panting. I watched as he left and I sat on the bench near the training area, trying to catch my breath. I had a lot to do tonight before going to sleep. I had to see Dagna, check on Dorian’s research, and draw the designs for Josephine.

I got up, wiping the piece of sweaty hair from my face and headed toward the bathing area, wanting to get a bath in before heading to see anyone. I took my time going up the stairs and heading through the big doors, knowing this was the fastest route to my room. I needed new clothing if I was going to see everyone. I opened the door to Solas’ study, surprised to see new paintings on the wall.

My mouth was open in awe as I stared at them, never realizing what Solas did with his time. Did he do these or someone else? It seems like something he would do. Is that the Fade? I touched the painting, something about this particular painting seemed like home. In fact, that forest looked oddly familiar. Where have I seen it?

“Do you like them?” Solas’ voice asked and I jumped in surprise.

“Did you do them?” I questioned, a hand to my chest.

“Some of it,” he responded, walking toward me. His hands were behind his back and he tilted his head as he admired the wall. “Cole did this one.” He gestured to the painting I admired on the wall.

“They are beautiful,” I admitted. “I never pegged you as an artist Solas. Are you going to send your lover your ear for proof of your love?”

Solas’ stare was intense as he tried to understand what I asked. “Is that an insult on me being elven?”

It was hard for me not to laugh. “Not at all. It was meant as a joke. Some famous artist sent his lover his ear from my realm. Your style is a lot like his.” I winked at him. “Besides, Branwen doesn’t need an elven ear, she already has two.”

Solas disapproves flashed in my mind, as his face was unamused. “Yes, well. When will we begin our Fade studies again?”

I raised my eyebrows at him. “Our studies? I’ll start our studies again when you don’t wipe out the races because they aren’t elven.”

Solas sighed. “You still believe me to be a monster?”

I shook my head. “You are making yourself the monster, Solas.”

“I have done nothing so far to prove that. You are quick to judge as many are, myself included.” Solas sounded as if he was trying to make me believe what he said is true. I sighed. Maybe things would go different in this world than in actual game. Or maybe he was mind tricking me. This was fucking ridiculous.

“Maybe,” I answered with a head nod. “I have a lot of other training and tasks I’m committed to. Nice chatting with you, brah.”

“Why do you keep calling me that?” Solas sighed.

I shrugged and kept walking backwards. “Don’t worry about it.” I turned again, ready to grab those clothes so I can bathe away my sweat.

My muscles ached as I walked the rampart to Cullen’s office. My stomach fluttered at remembering the conversation we had by the war table. His door was slightly open and I heard voices from it. “Listen Curly, I can be a big help to you and the Inquisition. Just send me to wherever. I never let you down on missions you sent me on before.”

“You forget that I watched you start two wars and an uprising. We can’t afford to have that happen with the Inquisition. Also, it’s Commander or Cullen,” Cullen’s voice was in his Commander tone and I sighed. Did these two ever get along.

“Hey,” Hawke started, humor in his voice. “Because of my uprisings, you figured out your Knight-Commander was in fact fucking crazy with red lyrium.”

“I’m sure other ways would have shown that,” Cullen said dryly. “You’ve already done enough for the Inquisition. We thank you for your help. Unless the Inquisitor tells me otherwise, we have no further business.”

“I actually have some business here,” Hawke countered, clearly starting to get upset. “I’m helping Varric with a couple things, and I think I might help with training.”

“So, I’ve been told,” Cullen growled. “Keep your blood magic out of the training.”

I felt my excitement grow. What was in blood magic? I needed to learn! I thought Dorian might teach me, but Hawke would be the better choice. This was so perfect! Wait. Did we really want to upset Cullen by learning blood magic? Is it that bad though? If done correctly?

I gave a soft knock, before opening the door, giving an awkward smile. “Don’t mind me, just heading to my room.” I glanced at the two of them as I power walked to the door leading to my rampart. “I’ll take a different way next time. Didn’t mean to intrude.”

Cullen’s eyes were on me, and they softened as he took me in. I blushed under his gaze and winked at him before opening the door. “It’s never any trouble,” his voice said softly.

“Captain, wait,” Hawke called. He turned to Cullen, who went back to Commander pose, arms crossed. “We’ll talk again once I talk to the Inquisitor. See you, Curly.”

Cullen grunted, watching Hawke stride toward me. Hawke held the door open for me, and I glanced over my shoulder at Cullen, who was glancing down at his papers. His gaze went to me quickly with the smallest smile before I hurried out of the room.

“I was looking for you earlier,” I said casually. I adjusted my staff and kept his pace, though my body hated every second of it. I opened the door to my room and gestured Hawke in. He closed the door and leaned against it, studying me.

“So, you found out my dirty little secret,” he sighed. I threw my staff on the bed and unbuckled my belt. My hips were relieved from the loss of the sword’s weight.

“Which one?” I asked with an eyebrow raised. “You’re secret love affair with Varric or the blonde in your room?”

Hawke almost laughed but his eyes were on me. “Funny one you are.” He pushed himself away from the door, slowly walking around my room. He picked up my bag of pixie dust and started to open it. “Why didn’t you tell Cullen or Cassandra yet?”

I put my hands on my hips and raised an eyebrow at him. “You might want to stop opening that bag. You’ll regret it. Pixie Dust is nasty stuff. Doesn’t come off you for days.” He stopped opening the bag and kept his gaze on me, waiting for my answer. Apparently, he’s used to getting answers whenever he asked. “Did you expect me to nark on you? I know you don’t know me, but I don’t go ruining other people’s business that doesn’t include me.”

“Nark? What language do you speak?” He loosened the strings to the pouch and started to reach a hand in. “There isn’t a real thing called Pixie Dust.”

“English, and yeah there is. Ask Cullen,” I answered. I watched him grab a handful of the sparkles and examine them.

“Pixies?” He threw the dust toward me and the sparkles went everywhere.

“Come on man!” I groaned. I watched the bed and our clothes get covered in sparkles. I strutted forward and snatched the bag from a surprised Hawke. “What did you think was going to happen?”

“Honestly, nothing.” Hawke looked at his arms which were covered in sparkles. “They aren’t too bad.”

I sighed and reached down to grab clothes from the trunk and threw them on the bed. “I promise I won’t tell anyone about Anders if that is what this is about.”

Hawke shook his head and set the bag down on the bed. “He told me you wanted to know when I wanted to start training?”

I crossed my arms and looked up at him with a grin. “If you are still willing? I actually have been fascinated with blood magic.”

Hawke arched an eyebrow. “Curly won’t like that.”

“I know,” I admitted, biting my lip. “I just want to know what it’s about. How is it bad? There has to be some good to it.”

Hawke observed me and gave a small smile. “You are surprising me today.”

“Is that a good thing?” I shifted my weight to a different leg.

“Yes.” He rubbed his hands together, most likely trying to get more pixie dust off. “We’ll start training tomorrow. I’ll find you. Don’t want you trying to self-teach yourself blood magic.”

“You’re amazing Hawke!” I shouted, wanting to hug him. “Is there anything I can do in return?”

“Help keep Anders company? He seems to like you.” He turned to exit, opening it slightly.

“How did he get here?” I asked quickly before he left.

“Cole,” Hawke answered, before leaving the room.

“See ya!” I called, watching him turn to run down the stairs toward the stables. I tried to brush off pixie dust as I grabbed my clothes from the bed. I would be glittery for a few days. I should really get rid of it and give it to Sera. First things, first: a bath.

The air smelled amazing and I leaned on the ledge of the rampart to close my eyes and breathe it in. When I did this, it almost felt like I was back home. I shook my head. Until I figured out how to get home, this was my home. I would have to find a way to be content here. Would I be able to? I opened my eyes to the sound of footsteps and saw Jim go into Cullen’s office.

He was looking down at the clipboard, hair falling in his face. I sighed. If I was to be stuck here for the rest of my life, I hoped I would have at least him or Dorian by my side. I glanced up at the sky against the mountains, feeling an overwhelming feeling in my chest. As if the sight of the mountains were just too beautiful at this time of day.

The feeling I feel looking at them, was like the feeling I got looking at the Smokey Mountains. They seemed almost like a second home. I felt a peace and wonderment in me and I hadn’t felt that since I got to Skyhold. I felt…as if I was going to be okay. Hopefully. I mean, it’s been a month and I survived. Wow. It’s been a month. A little over a month, actually, I think. When did I get here?

I gave a deep sigh internally, wishing I could stay and just look at the mountains. I had other things I had to do though. I pushed myself away from the wall, promising myself that if I got everything done by sunset, I’d sit and look at the mountains while working on Josephine’s sketches.

I slowly walked to the stairs, peeking into Cullen’s office as I passed by. He happened to look up at that moment, while talking to Jim, his whiskey eyes brightening a little. I smiled and gave a small wave before almost skipping down the steps. Fuck! Leg muscle spasms. Okay, just walk Kassy. We can private dance in our room later.

The bathing area was empty besides a couple other people. I was glad, still embarrassed at the whole bathing with others situation. I went to where Cassandra showed me where she hid her smells behind a rock in a little alcove. She hid it purposefully here, giving herself privacy behind a large boulder.

I bathed quickly, checking my stomach for any damage from today. I was pleased to see that it didn’t seem irritated at all and got out,  drying off with a spare shirt I grabbed, making sure to wring the water from my hair really well. I grabbed the comb she left there, pulling it through the snarls before it dried into rats nests. I ran it through my strands a couple times, before deciding I’ll just work on it when I get to my room.

After grabbing my dirty clothes and making sure I hid everything where she had it, I headed back to my room. I was glad to have bathed, feeling self-conscious earlier about how I looked and smelled. I ran my fingers through my hair as I walked, trying to comb out the big snarls, before getting to my room. I hummed to myself, Meghan Trainer stuck in my head for some reason. Earlier was “All about That Bass” and now “Me Too”.

I closed the door behind me with my foot, throwing my clothes in the corner of the room. I grabbed my comb and began to sing out loud, missing the sound of pop songs. I never thought the day would come when I said I missed listening to Pop music. Any at all. I didn’t even care if it was Taylor Swift. Liam totally ruined her for me, but I’d listen to her.

I ran the comb through my hair, my arms hating me for it after the workout sessions today. Think of how toned you’ll be though. Yeah brain, but right now, I feel like my arms would be cussing at me if they had a mouth. I got up off my bed, dancing while I combed, hoping that would distract me from the arm burn. “You know my Momma she told me, don’t worry about your size. She says boys like a little more booty to hold at night. Dat booty booty. You know I won’t be no stick figure Barbie doll. Ooh oooh oooh ooh.” I spun on the stone floor, trying to hurry to get my hair brushed properly.

Dumb ancient combs. What I wouldn’t give for a Goody brush and some conditioner. “All about that bass, bout dat bass, no treble.” I grunted as I tore some hair from my head-on accident, the small tangle at the ends coming with it. Fuck. I’m losing hair now. I threw the comb on the bed and rubbed the spot on my head. “I don’t know if you are in this dimension God, but please, don’t let me lose all my hair from lack of conditioner and my very little patience with it.”

“You could just try Andraste’s name instead if you start going bald. Obviously, yours isn’t hearing you,” Dorian said with an amused smile on his face. “Also, conditioner?”

I turned toward him, blushing at the sight of Cullen there too. Of. Fucking. Course. “Uh, hi guys. What’s up?”

Cullen chuckled and leaned a shoulder against the doorway. I hated that he looked so adorable, while I’m here with wet hair and red face. Dorian glanced around the room. “I happened to be talking to Cullen here, when I heard you singing. I didn’t want to miss the show.” He raised an eyebrow with a smirk. “And what a show it was.”

I rolled my eyes, grabbing my lute, throwing it on my back. “Well I’m glad you enjoyed it. I aim to please.”

“Booty?” Cullen asked with a grin. I felt myself blush harder. He’s was too handsome for his own good, especially when he smiled.

“So, my language is obviously a lot different.” I shrugged my shoulders, running a hand through my hair and starting to braid it to the side. “You’re lucky I haven’t been using dude and yo like I usually do.”

“Dude?” Dorian asked, while Cullen simultaneously responded with “Yo?”. 

I tied off my braid, noticing Cullen watching my fingers as they moved. “So much to teach you gentlemen.” I grabbed my bag of pixie dust, looping it on my belt. “Alright, yo. I’m going to see Dagna to see what’s left of my stuff that the Commander so graciously gave her. See ya dudes!”

I slid past them, and turned giving them finger guns, before slipping into Cullen’s office. Cullen shook his head and had a hand on his neck. Either embarrassed that he gave Dagna my stuff, or just flustered by me. Dorian had a huge grin on his face and hands on his hips, amused by me.

I felt my face still beating bright red and I put my hands to my face to try to lessen it. Way to entertain Captain King. I sighed, running a hand through my hair. Finger guns? Really? Fucking finger guns? Why? What possessed you to do that? When in your life have you ever, ever, used that as a way of saying goodbye? Next, I’ll be doing fist bumps. No. I don’t do those. High fives? Do those exist here? Why don’t I know that much about their gestures? Okay, stop talking to yourself and move before they come back in.

I hurried from the room, shutting the door behind me. I felt weird having my belt without my corset. I just didn’t want to upset my injury at all, especially with squeezing myself. I prepared myself for another potential Solas conversation. Or maybe, just maybe, I could pretend I don’t see him at all and just walk on by like I do to people at the store that I know that I don’t want to talk to. Yes. Let’s try that.

I opened the door, making sure to look in the direction of the Great Hall instead of the rest of the room. I strode past the desk, acting like I was going for a casual stroll, almost wanting to whistle to myself.

“Captain, I’m glad you’re here. I talked to the Inquistitor and I-.” Solas was keeping an even voice, which surprised me. I kept walking, pretending he was like a commercial on the radio. I hummed a little to myself, trying to close the space between me and the door. “Captain.” I kept going. I felt a hand on my shoulder. “Captain,” he said sharply.

Damn. I thought I’d be able to pull It off. Okay Kassy think. What do you do when you get stuck in this situation at the store? “Oh, hey. Didn’t see you there.”

He raised his eyebrows. “You didn’t hear me?”

I feigned surprise and concern. “I didn’t. No. I am terribly sorry though. I have to go. Raincheck?” I took a few long strides backwards.

“I don’t know what that means.” Solas was genuinely confused and I almost laughed. “It is cloudy but I don’t believe-.”

“It means we’ll talk later,” I said over my shoulder. “See ya brah!”

I continued to the Great Hall, happy to have avoided a Solas conversation. Not as smooth as I hoped, but I feel it deserved a pat on the back. I noticed several groups of people talking, some nodding to me as I passed them on the way to the forge. I pushed open the door, standing in awe.

The view out of this place was incredible! I walked down the stairs, open mouthed, trying to take it all in. This was an incredible room, and I was speechless. Dagna sat at the weapons table, hunched over something. I made sure to search every area with my eyes, wanting to really see this area. I always liked this cave. Well, it felt like a cave. A cave with a view.

I cleared my throat and Dagna swiveled her head quickly, her eyes widening when she saw me. She jumped off her stool and stuck out her hand. “Oh! I’m sorry I didn’t hear you enter! I was working on a project and I guess I got caught up in it. I’m Dagna, how can I help you?”

The dwarf shook my hand vigorously. I couldn’t help but grin at her enthusiasm. Well, I forgot about this character’s personality. I need to stop referring to everyone as characters. “Kassy,” I replied. I dropped my hand, putting my hands on my hips. “I was actually here for my stuff. Commander Cullen sent a bag down about a month ago.”

Dagna gave a huge smile. “You’re the one with the mystery items. I have to tell you, I never saw anything like the items you have.”

I felt my smile drop. “You took the key apart didn’t you?”

She tilted her head in confusion. “A key? Is that what it is? Are you sure?” Dagna ran over to the table she was at, picking up a piece of my unlocking thingy majig.

“Well,” I sighed as I looked over the pieces of my keys and broken jewelry. Fuck. This would be my luck. “That’s what it used to be. Awesome. You know. Just keep it.”

“What does it unlock?” She questioned, her eyes full of excitement.

“Something called a car,” I started to explain, not knowing everything that goes into it. “I don’t really know all the functioning parts, but there is…well...” This would be easier to draw. I searched the area for paper and ink. I found some on a desk in the corner covered in doodles. I moved the sheet aside, grabbing a fresh piece of paper. I dipped the pen in the ink and started to do a poorly drawn imitation of a car.

“That’s so fascinating!” Dagna exclaimed behind me. I laughed, wishing I could draw cars a little better.

“It sort of is,” I began, still working on the drawing. “The car runs on fuel. These are tires and the whole top is the body. I mean, there is obviously more to it, but I couldn’t really explain it to you. I’m not a mechanic.”

I tried drawing a few features of the inside of the car, including the steering wheel and the radio. “What is that?” She asked pointing to the steering wheel.

“It directs the car,” I told her. “I wish that I knew more to explain to you, but honestly, this is the cap on my automobile knowledge.” I set the pen back in the ink and handed the paper to her. “The key turns the gears of the car and makes it power to life so you can use it.”

Dagna held the drawings with complete fascination. “Do you think I might be able to create a copy of this?”

A car in Thedas? How interesting that would be. “I mean, maybe. I wish you luck.” I patted her shoulder, glancing over at my broken key with a bit of distress.

“Don’t be a stranger!” Dagna called as I headed up the stairs to the door. I gave her a nod and wave, hoping that would be enough of a good bye. I pulled the door shut behind me, looking around the Great Hall.

The hall seemed to be filled with more people, gathered together in conversation. I slipped between the groups, glad for the increase in guests. I sneaked behind the groups, wanting to get to Dorian without being dragged into any conversations. Okay Captain King, walk like you don’t care and have a purpose. Well, you do have a purpose. Time to see if there was any finding on how to get back.

I finally made it to the door and I slipped through it, taking the stairs slowly. I miss elevators. My legs started to cramp and I pushed through it, telling them we’d be done soon. On the top step I made sure to gather myself, knowing Dorian would make fun of me if I went in with even the slightest pant. Good work legs! Only down stairs from this point out. Okay lungs, time to calm down and work properly.

I stepped into the library, looking around for Dorian. It was always very quiet here and I always felt everyone else could hear whatever conversation you had. I looked over the railing and had an insane urge to jump down onto Solas’ desk.

“Jumping is never the answer,” Dorian informed me quietly. I spun to face him, a smile on my face.

“But the look of surprise on Solas’ face,  when I end up on his papers, would be so satisfying,” I countered.

Dorian chuckled and leaned against the railing. “What brings you to this area of Skyhold? Wanting an interesting read?”

I shook my head and crossed my arms. “I was wondering what information you have found yet, but first, what were you and Cullen talking about? I didn’t know you two were friendly.”

Dorian sighed. “If only the Commander was friendly.” His grey eyes turned to me. “I had wondered what the status on the information I had sent out for on Corypheus was. He was in the middle of explaining, when I heard your private performance.”

I felt the heat in my cheeks. “I can’t believe you guys opened my door without knocking. I could have been naked or something.”

Dorian laughed. “Trust me, if you were naked, the Commander would have had a very enjoyable show.”

I rolled my eyes, blushing even more red at the thought of Cullen watching me dance around naked singing Meghan Trainor. “Found any new information on how to get home?”

Dorian’s eyes were sad as he looked at me. “None yet. I’m sorry. I will keep searching though. There has to be something in this library.” His eyes glanced around the room, taking in the books.

“It’s alright,” I told him, feeling a little disappointed. “I was kind of expecting that answer.” I glanced up and saw Leliana leaning on the railing above us. “I’ll let you get back to your books.”

“Always a pleasure,” Dorian replied, watching me leave. I waved, making my way to the stairs that led to Leliana.

I never experienced this area with my own eyes. The birds in their cages were darker and even more ominous looking. I slowly walked over to where I saw Leliana writing, candle flickering by her. It was very quiet up here, and it felt odd to be alone with the spy master herself. “Leliana?”

Leliana glanced up at me, her eyes dark under her hood. I felt like I should take a step back, but I forced myself to stand where I was. It’s just a person Kassy. Remember Leliana? She sang songs all the time and was silly. Could open a box easier than Zevran. I wanted to see Zevran! That Antivan hottie.

“Captain, I wasn’t expecting to see you.” Her voice was soft and her accent made it sound like she was always in a serious mode.

“I didn’t mean to disturb you, I just had a couple questions I thought I’d ask you.” I swallowed, trying to make my voice stay steady. Why did this Leliana intimidate me so much? Was it because she was a complete badass.

“What questions did you have in mind?” Her body faced toward me now and she crossed her arms.

“When I first got here, you said you were going to send out agents to see if anyone else had a situation like mine. Did they find anything?” I hoped they had, that way I wasn’t this freak of nature falling from a rift.

“No, they did not,” she replied in a friendlier tone. “It seems that you are a unique situation.” I sighed, frustrated that this was the case. “Your other question?”

“How did you become so badass?” I looked her up and down admiring her outfit. “And where can I get those boots?”

She laughed and glanced down at my own. “I was wondering the same about yours. The design is very interesting.”

I glanced down at my boots, worn from the adventures they have been through. “They were prettier when I first got them. Thedas sort of beat them up.”

Leliana smiled, crossing her arms. “Anything else Captain?”

I shook my head, smiling back. “That’s it. Maybe sometime you can tell me some stories about Rowan.”

Her eyes showed a bit of shock and she tilted her head. “You know of the Hero?”

I nodded. “I told you I know a lot.”

Her voice was a bit more hushed when she talked to me. “Eventually, I will find out how you know all this. Trust me. I’m not used to not knowing other’s secrets.”

I almost smiled at this, but held it back. “I know. Isn’t it more fun this way?” I let the smile loose now, hoping I could be friends with Leliana eventually. She was absolutely my favorite character. I want to be her. “I need to get working on those sketches for Josephine, so I better go.”

Leliana laughed and lifted an eyebrow. “I look forward to the sketches. Not as much as Josephine, but your ideas will probably be exceptional.”

I blushed and tucked a stray hair behind my ear. “If you guys build them up too much, you’ll probably be disappointed.”

Leliana shook her head. “Based on how the Commander and Stroud talks of you, I don’t think you could.”

I couldn’t help the grin that came and I gave a nervous laugh. “The Commander and Stroud? Are you just trying to embarrass me?”

She smiled and leaned against the table. “I wish that was the case. However, it is fun to watch the Commander blush when he catches himself talking of you. Stroud, well Stroud bellows your praises to whomever or whatever will listen. The Fade really impacted him.”

I glanced down at the ground and cleared my throat. “Well…um…I uh…I should…I should go.”

Leliana laughed and grabbed a letter from the table. “I’m sure we will speak soon. Have a good night Captain.”

“Good night,” I mumbled, turning to the stairs and taking them two at a time down. Cullen talked about me to other people! Hold on Kassy. Take it easy. Don’t act like a high schooler. Calm those butterflies and act like a Captain. Just because a hot Commander mentions you to others and Stroud thinks I’m a god it sounds like. I adjusted my lute and my step had a bit more pep to it. CULLEN TALKS ABOUT ME!

That sexy amazing man. I turned to go down the stairs that led to Solas’ study, deciding I wanted to see the Lion before working on my sketches. After talking to Leliana I had a very odd boost of confidence and a bit of a high. Very unKassy like, but I wasn’t the same Kassy as I was in Michigan. I’m the Captain here in Thedas. I used a sword and magic. I had more self-assurance.

Solas glanced up from his book as I passed, and I gave a huge grin at him, my stride never slowing down. “See you later brah!” I sang to him, adding a salute. His confusion made me chuckle and I opened the door to the rampart, hoping Cullen was in his office and not at a meeting with someone else.

I stopped before opening Cullen’s door. I tried to fix my hair without a mirror and tugged on my shirt, adjusting my outfit. I took a deep breath, hoping that my confidence didn’t wane once I got into his office. What did I expect to happen when I got in? Make out? Sex? Did it matter? This man talks about you to others. Way to go Captain! Self high-five!

I put an ear to the door, making sure he wasn’t in the middle of a conversation. I heard muffled talking but it sounded like him talking to himself. I straightened and opened the door, closing it behind me quietly.

Cullen was leaning over his table, muttering to himself while looking at a report. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed, a blonde curl falling to his forehead. I admired him for a second, my stomach fluttering with butterflies. This man. It was weird having him in person, as me. Not a character. I knew that I would fall in love with this man, hard and fast. If I let myself. Would I though, if I might find a way back home?

Now’s not the time to think about it. Now was the time to live in the moment. To just be in Thedas and make a life here, in case I didn’t find a way home. “You know, there’s a question that I’ve been wondering ever since I got here.”

Cullen glanced up in surprise, his brown eyes warming once he saw me. I walked toward his desk slowly, his eyes watching my every movement. He straightened and crossed his arms, a smile coming to his face. “And what question is that?”

“Well,” I began, finally making my way to his desk. I leaned a hip against it. “If the Inquisitor is Inquisitor Lavellan and Stroud, Warden Stroud, shouldn’t you be Commander Rutherford?”

I saw his brain working and he put a hand to his neck. “I..uh…I never really…you see….that is. Maker’s breath.”

I held back a laugh and took another step forward. “I didn’t mean to take you off guard. It just makes me wonder if I should have people calling me Captain King or Captain Kassy. You guys really confuse me here when it comes to titles and names.”

Cullen chuckled and he gave me a half smile. “Templars used first names with their titles. The habit stuck when I joined the Inquisition.” I nodded in understanding, thinking this over. “Are there any other questions I can help you with?”

I shook my head and took a step forward. “No. No more questions that you can help me with.”

He smiled now and nodded. “If you need anything else, I’ll be here.” I nodded and he took his position again, reading his report.

I felt my confidence fading and I knew I had to act fast before it left or I said a lame good bye. I walked around the corner and put my hand on his. He glanced over at me with a bit of question in his eyes. I leaned down and placed a soft kiss on his lips.

Cullen turned and started to straighten, his arm going around my waist. I put a hand up to his face and I deepened the kiss, moving the other to his hair. I got lost in his kiss and he held me closer, his armor hard against me, his other hand on my back.

I broke the kiss and put a hand to his chest. I glanced up at his whiskey eyes and grinned. “That’s a thank you for your confidence in me.”

 His scar twitched and he chuckled. “I uh…”

I gave him another soft kiss and hugged him. “Leliana told me what you say about me.” My cheek was in the fur of his robe and I breathed him in. “Just…thank you.”

His arms held me tighter and he leaned his head against mine. “Of course,” he whispered. It felt right. Him holding me like this. I had to wonder if we were going too fast. If war really does make feelings show more, or if in Thedas, relationships weren’t a game. They happened and you were dedicated to them.

This moment felt so surreal and almost dream like. Cullen holding me. Me. Kassy. I kissed him again, and he turned to push me against a wall, leaning into me, one arm against the wall, the other around my waist. I took hold of his curls, opening my mouth and he responded. He broke the kiss to run kisses down my jaw and I sighed, a hand moving to his shoulder. “Cullen,” I moaned when he started kissing my neck. I leaned my head to the side, so he had easier access. The kisses trailed back to my mouth and I felt shivers down my body. I let my tongue trace his lower lip and he groaned.

“I have your report sir,” Jim’s voice said, and Cullen growled.

“Set them on the desk and go,” Cullen rumbled to him. Jim set the papers on the desk and stood to the side of the desk. “What?”

“It’s just, I was told to give you a run down on…” Jim began and Cullen turned to glare at Jim.

“Um…I should get working on those sketches for Josephine,” I told Cullen, my face blushing. I felt my heart still beating fast as I let my arms drop.

Cullen nodded, letting one of his arms go. The other stayed on my hip. “Of course. There are reports for me to review.”

I smiled. “Work never stops at Skyhold.”

Cullen chuckled and put a hand to his neck. “It seems so.”

I took a step back and his hand fell and I gave a small wave and smile. “See ya, then.”

Jim turned his back to us, obviously not used to intruding on Cullen with these sort of situations. Cullen smiled back and turned to look at his report again, his smile still on his face as I glanced back, walking out the door. I rushed to my room to begin working on my sketches, ready to finish them and get some sleep.

I grabbed the paper and ink, heading out to look at the mountains. I pulled up a crate and set the ink and paper on it, thinking exactly how I wanted these sketches to go. I was thinking, Kahleesi inspired dress with pants underneath. Easy to run and move in. I sang to myself as I drew, the sky starting to get dark. I decided to draw a backup dress, a dress with the ability to take the skirt off and reattach it easily.

I was almost done when the darkness made it impossible to draw. I sighed, knowing I could finish the sketches in a few minutes. For now, I was going to sit and admire the mountains in the darkness. The moon glowed softly and the mountains seemed mystical in the dark.

It made me think of Mist of Avalon or Lord of the Rings. I began to sing Enya, May it Be, softly, loving the haunting melody in the darkness of Skyhold. _“May it be an evening star. Shines down upon you. May it be when darkness falls, Your heart will be true. You walk a lonely road, Oh! How far you are from home.”_

The elven sounded right here, though I knew it was not the same elven that they spoke in Thedas, but the words were familiar and comforting. I closed my eyes, leaning my head back against the wall, letting the magical feeling of the moment fill me.

I felt a body sit by me, and I continued to sing, turning my head to see who joined. Cullen’s hair glowed in the darkness and he had his head titled back against the wall, eyes closed. I smiled as I continued to sing, observing his face in the moonlight.

Cullen was tired, I could tell, and I wondered if he had been able to get a peaceful sleep lately. His body seemed rigid still, but he gradually started to relax as I got further into the song, glad that he was able to let the stresses of the day go in this moment. My song finished and his eyes opened, glancing over to me.

“I enjoyed that one,” he muttered. I smiled and laughed.

“It’s a favorite in my family,” I told him. “We like the slower and dark ones.”

Cullen’s head turned so that he could see me better. “Are you all bards?”

I laughed and shook my head. “Uh, no. We are just a very musical family. Dad, Liam, and I were the ones who played all the time. We all sing though, and we all have songs we request from Dad whenever he got his guitar out.”

Cullen smiled and looked up at the sky. “That sounds nice. A family gathered around singing songs together.”

I sighed, remembering those nights. “It was nice. He always ended with his song to my mom.”

Cullen looked at me and his smile was gone. “I’d like to hear it.”

“You do?” I asked. I thought about Dad and Mom and how every time Dad played that song, we could feel the love between the two of them. They had one of the best love stories. I reached over and grabbed the lute from behind the crate, resting it on my lap. I felt my heart ache a little, thinking of the look between the two of them, and I hoped to find someone, someday to share that look with. “He sang this song to Mom at their wedding.”

Cullen smiled and watched my fingers as I began to strum the introduction to “My Sweet Lady” by John Denver. I have heard this song my whole life, and every time my mom cried without fail. “ _Lady, are you crying, do the tears belong to me? Did you think our time together was all gone? Lady, you've been dreaming. I'm as close as I can be. And I swear to you our time has just begun. Close your eyes and rest your weary mind. I promise I will stay right here beside you. Today our lives were joined, became entwined. I wish that you could know how much I love you.”_

I kept my focus on my fingers, not wanting to mess up the chords at all, not really a master at this particular John Denver song. I finished the song and my eyes caught Cullen’s. His expression was hard to read in the dark. “What?” I asked him, wondering what he was thinking.

“That just wasn’t what I was expecting,” Cullen whispered. I leaned the lute against the wall next to me and arranged myself next to Cullen.

“Bad or good?” I asked hesitantly, wondering why I felt like I needed to defend this song. Maybe it was because it represented a romance that I grew up with.

“Good,” he answered. “The songs you sing, just always have a way of making me think differently. The way you sang it, I just…well…that is. I can see how much your parents love each other.”

I nodded in agreement. “They are my relationship goal. Hopefully one day I’ll find a song like my dad did for my mom.”

Cullen shifted his body and leaned toward me, his lips pressing to mine. His hand went to my hair and I leaned into him. He broke the kiss and leaned his forehead against mine. “La vie en rose,” he said quietly, his voice husky.

I reached a hand into his hair, bringing his lips back to mine for another kiss. I smiled, not believing that I was here, with him. That I didn’t wake up from a dream. “Cullen?” I asked and he wrapped an arm around me.

“Hmm?” He placed his forehead on mine, his breathing quickening.

“I was just wondering, what…this…well us…is to you,” I ventured. I bit my lip, waiting for his answer. My eyes flittered up to his and he moved his forehead from mine.

“This isn’t just some casual relationship, if that is what you are after,” he told me. “Kassy, I haven’t felt this way in a very long time, and I, well, I am sorry if I make you feel that I don’t feel for you as you do for me.”

I tilted my head and put a hand on his chest. “And how do I feel for you?”

He studied me, his eyes searching my face. “I..um…well…that we share a connection. That even though we’ve known each other for almost two months, we seem to have known each other longer somehow.”

“So, it’s not too fast?” I questioned, wanting him to take the lead on this relationship. I grabbed my necklace, twirling between my fingers.

Cullen watched me fidget with the necklace, a lazy smile coming to his face. “Like I said before, I haven’t done this in a really long time. Well…I just…feel that when it comes to these sort of things in this type of situation, time shouldn’t be a factor. How we feel should.”

I just stared at him, my mind processing what he said. “I agree,” I responded, smiling. “And as much as I’ve enjoyed this, I really have to finish those sketches and you need to get some sleep.”

Cullen sighed, leaning his head back against the wall again. “I have too much to do to rest.”

“Like what?” I asked him, starting to turn to grab my sketch supplies.

“It was nice to escape the Inquisition for a little while,” Cullen said softly, ignoring my question. He grabbed my arm and I turned to look at him.

“I know, Cullen, but we both have work to finish before the morning,” I told him, giving him a sad smile. Cullen nodded, starting to stand up. I stood up as well, pulling my lute on and carefully gathering my supplies. “You can always bring work to my room,” I suggested, glancing over my shoulder at him as I headed to my room.

“Work? In your room?” Cullen asked, sounding like that was a crazy idea.

“Or not,” I told him, feeling stupid. Bad suggestion Captain. Apparently. I shrugged my shoulders trying to play it off cool. “Just thought it might be less lonely. However, I get if you want to work in your office. It’s fine. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I gave a smile and went into my room, leaving the door open a crack.

One torch was lit and I grabbed it, lighting the other three, giving myself as much light as possible. I went over to the pile of discarded wood and found a straight, small, and smooth piece of wood to set my paper and ink on.

I threw the board on the bed and placed the papers and ink on it carefully. I pulled off my boots and belt, already feeling more comfortable. I placed my lute by the bed in its usual place, within arm’s reach. My head was getting a headache from the braid, so I undid it, using my fingers to massage the top of my scalp, already feeling the relief.

Sighing, I laid down on my stomach at the end of the bed, crossing my feet in the air. I grabbed the pen, glancing at the sketches, before dipping it in the ink and continuing where I left off. I started to sing some Disney songs to myself as I drew, trying to keep my spirits up.

A knock at the door had me glance up and I grinned at Cullen’s figure in the doorway. “Couldn’t stay away?” I asked.

He put a hand to his neck, his typical awkward Cullen pose. “I…uh…that is…Maker’s breath.” He had some papers in his hand and a pen in the other. “You said…”

I patted the bed next to me, smiling. “Come on in, Commander.” I followed him with my eyes, as he shut the door and came to sit on the bed beside me. His armor was still on and I glanced at his boots. He could not be comfortable. “Aren’t you uncomfortable in that armor?”

Cullen looked down at his armor. “I guess I don’t realize I’m wearing it anymore.”

I raised an eyebrow at him. “You don’t realize you are wearing super heavy metal?” I tapped his boots with my pen. “No boots on the bed mister.”

“I knew this was a bad idea,” he muttered, placing the letters on the bed and leaning over to pull off his boots. I watched him, his muscles moving as he got his boot off. He shrugged off his robe, throwing it over the chair in the corner, before unbuckling his armor. He added that to his pile and turned to me, I couldn’t help but stare as he arranged his armor on the chair. Oh. My.

Cullen turned to me with annoyance. “Better?”

I nodded, a smile coming to me. “Much.” I felt my heart race and I turned back to my sketches. Cullen sat back on the bed and I glanced back at him, my ankles crossed on my pillow. He was reading a report, a pillow propped behind his back. I could get used to this. I tried to imagine him with glasses. Wait, Kassy. Focus. Finish the sketches.

I sighed, focusing on the paper in front of me. I began to hum again, my attention on the details of the dress. Finally, I was done with the sketches, and I was surprised that they took that long. I sat up, stretching my back. I looked over and smiled. Cullen was asleep, his letter resting on his chest. I gathered my things, setting them on my trunk and carefully grabbed his papers and letter.

His hand twitched and he turned his head, a slight snore coming from him. I knew he was tired. I went around the room, extinguishing the torches except the one by the door. The room was darker now and I quietly made my way to the bed, making sure to not move it too much as I crawled onto it. I sat there awkwardly for a second, not sure whether to just lay by him or cuddle. Trying to decide on a decision, I crawled to my pillow, and decided that it would feel creepy to sleep on him.

I laid my head on my pillow and closed my eyes, ready to pass out. I felt myself starting to slip into sleep when Cullen started to mutter beside me. I turned hoping that his nightmare would pass. His fists clenched and his head started to move. His muttering got louder, “No,” he said. “No!”

I sat up, putting my hand on his chest. “Shh, Cullen, wake up. Cullen,” I told him softly. Cullen gasped, sitting up, and his eyelids fluttered open in confusion.

“I,” he began. I shushed him and grabbed his hand.

“It’s alright, Cullen,” I muttered. He closed his eyes leaning back.

“You shouldn’t have to deal with this,” he told me. He shook his head, pulling his hand away.

“Let someone worry about you once in a while,” I told him. I put a hand on his cheek and he turned to look at me. “Cullen, let me be there for you.”

Cullen shook his head. “I can’t do that to you. This is…this is my problem.” He started to get up.

“Cullen,” I said sharply, grabbing his arm. He turned to me and opened his mouth about to say something, before turning back.

“You couldn’t understand. I will never be free of these nightmares,” Cullen whispered.

“I get nightmares, Cullen. Trust me,” I told him. “Maybe we can help each other.” I moved to him on my knees, hugging his back. “I understand.” He held onto my arm, taking a deep breath. I kissed the back of his head and leaned my head against his. “I get if you need to be by yourself, but I’m here if you want to stay.”

I went back to my spot, throwing back the covers to crawl under them. I hugged my pillow, closing my eyes, knowing that Cullen probably needed time to himself. I laid on my side, facing away from him, trying to fall asleep, but couldn’t knowing he was still in the room.

I felt the bed move and an arm draped over my waist, pulling me into a strong chest. I rolled over to my other side to face him. “You stayed,” I said surprised.

His eyes held mine and he tilted his head down to kiss me. I lifted my chin to kiss him more comfortably before snuggling my head into his chest. He kissed the top of my head and he held me tighter. I felt my eyes get heavy, and I quickly slipped into sleep.

Adfpasdfa

The soldiers stood around with their weapons, waiting for the training to begin. I adjusted the helmet that Iron Bull put on me, before pushing me into the direction of training. I adjusted the sword in my hand, feeling nervous about this. I licked my lips, glancing at the others.

I woke before Cullen this morning, and I crawled out of the bed, trying to not wake him. I grabbed my boots, sword, and belt, knowing I wouldn’t need my staff for training. I slipped out the door, quietly closing it behind me. Now here I was, standing in armor, waiting for Cassandra to give the orders.

This was going to go well or horribly wrong. I bit my lower lip, hoping I would at least make it through the training without being noticed. Cassandra trained me though, so I should be okay…right? There was a shout and we all went quiet.

I turned toward the direction of where everyone was looking and groaned. Cullen was strutting toward us with his sword, calling out orders. What happened to Cassandra training us? “Pair up and begin.”

The person to my left turned and brought their sword down, surprising me. I spun out of the way and brought my sword up. The soldier kept going, testing me. I felt the soreness in my arms from yesterday still and fought through it.

“Arm higher,” Cullen called to a soldier near me. “And you, reflex faster.” Cullen was by me now, studying the fight. He looked like his usual Commander self, armor and all.

I saw my opponent get nervous and I took the chance, swinging but they saw it coming. They came forward and I ran into them with my shoulder, watching them fall to the ground. “You need to pay more attention and keep your ground.” Cullen helped the soldier up. “And you need to strike harder,” Cullen told me. “Try again.”

He watched us get into position and we began, and I struck harder but was deflected. Suddenly their sword was on me and the fight got intense. I spun, hitting their armor. They were stunned for a second and I used my foot to hook with their ankle, yanking fast. They lost their balance and fell, their sword falling from their hand.

“If you had better footing, that wouldn’t have happened. Watch,” Cullen got his sword ready. He sized me up and I wondered if he knew it was me. I didn’t have much time to think because he was on me. He was much more intense than Cassandra and Iron Bull. I gave it my all. “Arm up!” He yelled. I obeyed, spinning at the same time. He kept giving me orders, helping me improve my skills, and I felt myself getting more confident.

I leaned toward more of Bull’s moves and Cullen seemed to notice. “Quanari moves?”

I didn’t answer, shoulder bashing him. Cullen held his ground, but I managed to move out of his swing. I knew I wouldn’t be able to last much longer, my arms shaking with the effort of holding up the sword after the intensive training yesterday. My midsection was pulsing from the constant lifting of my sword. Cullen shouldered me and I tripped over my foot, falling backwards. Cullen stood over me, panting from the fight.

“You could use some more training,” Cullen told me and I nodded in understanding.

He glanced down at me and pointed to my stomach. “You’re bleeding, you should go get that checked out.” He held out a hand and helped me up before going to observe the other fights.

“Shit,” I muttered to myself, putting a hand to my wound. I brought it back and saw the blood on it. Fuck. I pulled off my helmet in frustration and threw it on the ground, before heading toward the healing tents. Bran will be super pissed.

My hair stuck to my face from sweating so much under the helmet. I glanced behind me at the training, not seeing Cullen. I kept going, wanting to get this chest plate off me. “Rift?” I glanced over seeing Iron Bull leaning against a post. “That was fast. The Commander training you too hard?” His eyes went to my stomach and his smirk disappeared.

“I’m fine, really,” I tried to assure him, feeling exhausted. “I’m going to get it checked out.”

“Like you were supposed to yesterday?” He asked me. “You didn’t, did you Rift?”

I shifted my weight to my other leg, feeling more of my hair come out of it’s braid. “I thought I was fine.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Go. Now.” He crossed his arms and gave me his Chief glare.

“Okay,” I told him, starting to walk toward the tents. “You’re the boss Chief.”

The walk was longer than usual and my hand was covered in blood. I opened the tent that Bran was typically in. Bran glanced up from sorting his herbs and then saw where my hand was. He glared at me and crossed his arms. “Really Captain? So soon after gaining your freedom?”

I sighed and nodded. “I didn’t realize it would be so easy to bleed again.”

Bran shook his head, unbuckling my armor. “I told you not to train to hard. It’s still fragile.” I shrugged out of the armor and Bran grabbed a stool before leading me outside. “I need better lighting to get a look at it.”

I sat down on the stool and waited for Bran to begin his work. He came out with water and a basket. He sat down on his knees, lifting up my shirt. I helped him roll it up and held on to it, the shirt covered in blood. “I feel like I’m never going to have a blood free shirt.”

Bran glanced up at me as he washed the wound, getting the blood out of the way. “With the way you train, you probably won’t.”

I chuckled and watched him touch the wound gingerly. I hissed through my teeth and scrunched my hand. “How bad is it?”

He reached down and grabbed a needle and some thread. “You’ll need some stitches and no swordplay for a couple days.”

“I’m supposed to leave with the Inquisitor tomorrow,” I gritted through my teeth, as he put the thread through.

“As long as you don’t do extensive fighting, you should be fine to travel,” he informed me, keeping his eyes on his work. “There’s still a little infection from the venom in here. We should try extracting it before I close it. It might be a good thing that you actually pushed yourself. You forced the venom to the wound.”

I felt my hands shaking a little. I was never good at this medical stuff. “Whatever you have to do Bran.”

He bit the end of his string, putting the needle back in the basket and pulled out the string. “Hold her,” Bran told whoever was behind me. I glanced behind me and saw Dorian. He stared down at my wound and put his hands on my shoulders.

“You shouldn’t have been doing so much sword training,” Dorian chastised. I rolled my eyes.

“I’ll be fine,” I said, grateful for his presence. “How did you know?”

“Iron Bull,” he answered, his face stern.

“Ready?” Bran asked and I nodded. He put a hand on my stomach and I felt a bit of discomfort, nothing like the pain I felt the first time. I gritted my teeth and took a deep breath, trying to not squirm. A couple minutes later, the discomfort disappeared and Bran sat back to look at the wound. He grabbed a cloth and wiped it, black coming on it.

“Is that…poison?” Dorian asked, his voice sounding fascinated.

“Venom,” Bran answered. “There was still some trapped in there. Looks like we cleared it out though, and the healing process should be a little faster.”

I sighed in relief, glad that the venom was gone for good. I leaned my head back to glance up at Dorian. “Do you mind doing me a favor?” Dorian quirked an eyebrow and nodded. “Can you grab a new shirt, my lute, and the sketches on my trunk for me?”

“I can manage that,” he informed me, squeezing my shoulder. “I’ll be back.”

Bran stitched me up as I sat still, waiting for him to give me the okay to move again. I glanced around, trying to take my mind off the pain of the needle going in and out. Bran put the needle back in the basket and grabbed the bandage and jar of medicine. He dabbed some potion on me, and then started to wrap the bandage around my middle. He secured the bandage and looked up at me. “There, we are finished.”

Dorian was running back to us, lute on his back, shirt and sketches in his arms. I smiled at him standing up. Dorian set the sketches on the stool and handed me the shirt. “Thank God for you, Dorian,” I told him. I glanced around, making sure it was only Bran and Dorian there. I pulled my bloody shirt off, neither man really caring. I shook out my new shirt, and felt the bandage come loose. “Damn it,” I muttered.

“Here,” Bran told me, coming over and adjusting the bandage. I watched him work with the bandage, trying to make it stay secure. I heard Dorian clear his throat and I glanced up and saw Cullen, his stride urgent as he made his way toward us, stopping when he saw I was topless except for my strapless bra. He blushed and put a hand to his neck, walking more slowly toward us. Dorian chuckled and I felt myself blush as well.

“Iron Bull informed me that you were hurt,” he took me in, glancing down at my bandage, then up my body, finally resting on my face. I felt my face beat a brighter red. I hated that this was happening. Bran finished securing the bandage and I threw on the black shirt Dorian brought down to me.

“I just reopened my wound, but everything is okay.” I grabbed my lute from Dorian, giving him a smile. Dorian winked at me. “Thanks Dorian.”

“Of course,” he told me with a cheeky grin. “I’ll see you later, Captain.”

I rolled my eyes at him and turned to Bran. “Am I free to go?”

He was putting everything in his basket and he nodded glancing up at me. “No sword play for a few days. Got it.”

“Yes sir,” I answered, earning a smile from him. I grabbed my sketches and turned to Cullen.

“You didn’t have to leave training to come check on me,” I told him.

Cullen glanced at the ground and then at me. “I just..well I…I was worried.”

I smiled at him, walking over to him. “I appreciate it,” I told him, placing a kiss on his cheek. I glanced around, and snatched my belt, not wanting to forget it. “I have to go see Josephine. You done with training?”

He shook his head. “I don’t think we will ever be done with training,” he sighed. “How did you manage to break open the wound?”

I gave him a sly smile and put on my belt. “Well, I was doing combat with the Commander. Must have pushed it too far.”

Cullen did a double take and put a hand on my arm. “I didn’t realize that was you. Maker’s breath,” he sighed, a hand going through his hair. “I should have realized it was you. The moves and the bleeding.” He glanced down at my stomach. “Are you really alright?”

I laughed and nodded. “I seriously am. Just going to take it easy for a few days. Stick to magic.” He sighed and stared at me, his eyes intense on my face. “What?” I asked.

“I’m just worried for you, for when you leave with the Inquisitor tomorrow,” he told me. His hand rubbed my upper arm and I gave a small smile.

“I’ll be fine,” I told him. He arched an eyebrow. “Seriously Cullen, I will be fine. I don’t plan on doing any huge fights.”

He nodded and he cleared his throat, taking a step back. “The healer said that?”

“Yes,” I answered. I glanced down at my sketches. “I should get these to Josephine before anything happens to them.”

“The American sketches?” Cullen asked with a lopsided grin. I felt the butterflies in my stomach and I ordered them to go away.

“Of course,” I told him. “I don’t do anything any other way.” I twirled and started walking toward the stairs that led up to the tavern. I knew that I would want to hurry and get back to my room to rest. I would have a long few days ahead.

“Kassy,” Cullen called. I turned to look at him, and he glanced at the ground before returning his stare to me. “Be careful.”

“I will,” I told him with a smile. I continued up the stairs, stopping at a noise. I tried to follow it, wondering where it was coming from. A kitten? Was that a kitten? I kept going, following the noise to a bush by the tavern. I leaned down, moving the leaves aside. A little orange kitten sat there, mewing at anyone who would listen.

“Hey little fella,” I cooed to him, reaching down and scooping him up with my free hand. The kitten meowed again and I snuggled it to my chest. The kitten started to purr, trying to get closer to my chest. “Come on, Captain Purr. You’ll be my companion.”

I kissed the top of the kitten’s head, and headed to the kitchen, wanting to get it some milk. Captain Purr drank his milk quickly, very content with the attention he got from me and the kitchen staff. I picked Captain Purr up, ready to get these sketches to Josephine.

I made my way down the Great Hall, toward Josephine’s office. I waved at Varric as I passed him sitting at a table. “Prophet!” He called. I stopped as he came toward me. “Hawke wanted me to tell you to meet him at his room for your lesson.”

I raised my eyebrow at him. “So much for finding me.”

“You’re a hard one to find,” Varric laughed. “Also, thanks for not telling anyone about Blondie.”

I smiled at him. “Of course,” I replied. He nodded, heading back to his table. “See ya later, Prophet.”

I hurried to Josephine’s office, excited to get to the lessons with Hawke. Josephine’s office was empty when I got there, so I set the sketches on her desk, hoping she would see them. I cuddled Captain Purr with both hands and he meowed. “Shh,” I told him, scratching behind his ears.

I turned toward the stairs that led up to the guest rooms, stopping to rest my legs. Captain Purr started to wiggle and I put a tighter grip on him. “Almost there, Captain,” I panted. I started on the stairs and finally got to the top. Second from the last, I told myself. I headed to the door, knocking.

The door remained shut and I knocked again. “Hawke? Varric told me to meet you here. It’s Captain King.”

There was movement behind the door and then the door opened a crack. I pushed the door open, slipping in and shutting it behind me. Anders was facing the window, staring at the garden. “Hawke is talking with the Inquisitor right now.”

“Oh,” I said, shifting Captain Purr in my arms. “Stay still Captain Purr.”

Anders turned quickly, his eyes on my arms. “You brought me a cat?” His eyes lit with excitement and he stepped forward.

I looked down at Captain Purr with a bit of sadness. Might as well. “Umm…yeah. His name is Captain Purr,” I told him handing him the orange kitten.

Anders took him and a smile was on his face. “Hey, Captain,” he said, lifting the kitten so their noses were touching. I watched in confusion. This dude was seriously into cats.

Maker’s breath, what did I do?

 

 


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**I do not own any characters. They all belong to the amazing, soul tearing, and mind warping Bioware. Thank you for the reviews and loves! I really appreciate it! As promised, another chapter. Hope you enjoy this chapter! Rated M for language and lemons (coming very soon!).**

**Chapter 13**

“How did you know he liked cats?” Hawke asked me we walked toward an empty guest room. He was walking with a bit of a smile, clearly more happy than when he first stepped into his room.

“I didn’t,” I muttered, disappointed I didn’t have Captain Purr as a companion anymore. “His love for cats is kinda intense.” I glanced behind my shoulder, keeping a lookout for any stray animals. It was weird not having a pet to cuddle here. I was so used to my Australian Shepard at home, Matey. She was probably missing me. The only dogs here were kind of ugly, or at least they were in game.

“Well, thank you. For making him so happy,” he said, opening a door for me. “It makes me feel better knowing he has something there to be with him. I don’t understand his love for cats either, but they mean enough that he left the Grey Wardens for one.”

I stared at him in astonishment. “You make it sound like a love story.”

“For him it is,” he almost sighed. “If there is a cat in the room, I might as well not exist.”

I laughed and stared at the abandoned guest room, nature trying to take over the stone. Don’t they ever clean these rooms up? “Hey Hawke, what happens if Anders is found?”

Hawke shut the door and crossed his arms, looking at the floor. “I don’t know. Varric assures me he won’t let anything happen, but he’s just one dwarf.”

I nodded in understanding, glancing at the dirty furniture. “Personally, I feel like Skyhold might be the safest place for him.” I sat on a chair, the dust rising in the air. “I totally understand wanting to keep it a secret though, it’s just hard to do here in Skyhold. I can guaranteed Leliana probably already knows.”

Hawke’s brown eyes studied my face, trying to figure me out. I guess I was a puzzle to everyone. News flash peeps, I’m a puzzle to myself. This whole thing is a puzzle to myself still. “I don’t care,” Hawke’s voice broke my thoughts and I came back to reality. “I don’t care if Leliana knows. If it comes down to it, I’d do anything for Anders. Go anywhere. I just feel I’m needed here, with the Inquisition.”

“I get that,” I told him without thinking. I didn’t realize just how much I did get that. Didn’t I feel like I was needed here? Haven’t I been toying with the idea of staying here with the Inquisition instead of finding a way home? Have I been hoping there wasn’t a way home? A couple months away from home, yet it feels so much longer. I needed to decide on a decision soon.

“You do?” Hawke asked in surprise. “With Curly?”

Yes, I said to myself silently. I think? Captain King and Commander Cullen. Catchy. Focus, Kassy. “With everyone really,” I replied. “I just feel like I have another home here.” My blue eyes caught Hawke’s dark ones and I sobered. “Can I ask you something kinda personal?”

Hawke raised his eyebrows. “Serious? Should I be sitting down for this?”

I shrugged, extending my hand to the empty chair by me. He strutted over, leaning his staff against the wall. “How did you deal with losing all your family?”

Hawke’s expression changed to thoughtful. He cleared his throat and leaned his elbows onto his knees, clasping his hands. “Losing them was hard. Father was hard, but I had the others to lean on. Then Bethany died and soon after Carver. Mother wasn’t herself after that. I tried to make her more comfortable, with the mansion. However, nothing could replace the twins. I was lucky, being able to keep my mind busy with adventures, eventually passing out from exhaustion. My mother wasn’t as lucky. When she died, I felt all their deaths at one. I kept going though, but life was different. I had memories but I missed them. I still do.” He glanced up from his hands.

“I made a new family. My friends became everything to me. I’d die protecting them, even though I had to kill one. Fenris had his beliefs and I thought he would have been more open minded to set them aside, but I was wrong. Now I still have Anders and Varric. The others keep in touch, but they are living their own lives.”

I knew Hawke’s family died from Sarah, but I didn’t know the whole story. I’d have to find out later, but based on Hawke’s voice, I feel exactly how he does. “I’m so sorry about your family,” I told him, really meaning it. “I lost all mine too.”

His eyes saddened glancing at me, and the mood of the room darkened. “How long ago?” His voice was raspy and I assumed he was holding back emotions.

“A little over two months ago,” I told him, feeling the scratchiness in my own voice. “It’s really hard,” I admitted, hating the tears that pricked at the corner of my eyes. “One moment having them, taking them for granted, and the next being in a totally different place and no way of getting home.” I wiped an eye, drying a stray tear. “I promised myself not to cry about it anymore.”

Hawke moved to the edge of his chair and held my gaze. “You are allowed to cry. You have the right.” I nodded letting a couple more tears fall. “You said you feel at home here, or like it could be. So, create your family here. Let them help you. In the end, the pain lessens. I wish I could say it goes away, but it doesn’t.”

I nodded, letting his words sink in. Create a family here. Wasn’t that what I was already doing? “I’m trying to find a way back home. So far, Dorian hasn’t found anything.”

Hawke sighed and stood up, giving me a small smile. “It will all work out in the end.”

I smiled back, nodding. “Thanks, Hawke.”

He just gave a quick jerk of his head and let out a deep breath. “Ready to learn some blood magic?”

I felt the excitement within me grow. “Yes!” I exclaimed, standing up. “What do I have to do? Make some cool design on my hand and let it drip on my face? Smear it across my nose?”

Hawke stared at me with amazement and confusion. “You really aren’t from here are you?”

I shook my head. “I just figured that is how it is.” Hawke shook his head. “How wrong am I?”

Hawke grabbed his staff and looked me up and down. “Now I see why Curly didn’t want you to learn blood magic.”

“Besides it being forbidden and super dangerous?” I asked. “Cullen isn’t my keeper, I want to learn this so badly!” I couldn’t believe the panic in my voice as if he was going to take back his offer.

“Why?” Hawke asked with genuine interest. I was guessing because it’s badass wasn’t the right answer. Then again it was Hawke.  “If you heard it’s so dangerous and forbidden, why would you want to learn it? Why would you want to take on the consequences?”

I thought about this for a minute. Consequences? “I think I’ll actually be good at it and I haven’t really been good at anything since I got here.” I shrugged and congratulated myself. Mental high five. “Plus it’s fucking badass.” Oops. Couldn’t help adding that, could you Captain King?

Hawke laughed and nodded in understanding. “It is,” he told me, a smirk on his face. “However, blood magic can become an addiction if done wrong. You need to find a balance. We have to be very careful. The temptation to take more is always there.” Hawke’s voice was threatening and dripping with caution. “It is a path you can’t go back from. Do you understand that?”

The wheels in my head started to turn, making me think I might be making the wrong choice. There was something in me that told me I had to though. That it was the choice I should be making. What was that? How long has it been there? I closed my eyes trying to hear it and I knew that I could be a helpful blood mage. Didn’t Solas say that blood magic didn’t have to be bad? Dorian too. “I understand. I’ll do everything you say and use it in moderation.”

Hawke nodded, sizing me up before finally speaking.  “We’ll do a basic spell first.” He rolled up a sleeve and took out a dagger, handing it to me. “Ready?”

I nodded, feeling the excitement and anxiety roll through me. I pushed up a sleeve like him and took the dagger from him. He started explaining the areas I would cut, using his other hand to trace where to cut. “The arm has the most chance of success besides the hand. However, we don’t want to walk around with scabs on our hands all the time.”

“So, you just have a bunch of scratches on your arm?” I asked in genuine confusion. So, maybe this wasn’t as cool as I thought. I was starting to regret my decision. Hawke shook his head.

“We are going to let your blood soak into the staff, then when needed, you will use your blood. Sometimes it takes more blood than in the staff for more powerful spells.” He gestured to my arm. “It’s going to hurt, but you need to slit your arm. Deep enough so that your staff can collect a decent amount of blood.” He took my staff from off my back and held it under my left arm. “When you’re ready.” His dark eyes were on me, the depths filled with unknown secrets.

My eyes flittered between my arm and my staff. Do it Captain. Let’s go King! You’ve always wanted to know what it was like. You also wanted to know what it’s like to be high, but you never smoked weed. I gripped the dagger tighter and readied myself. On the count of two. One….I bit my lip, extremely nervous and anxious. Two…now! I brought the dagger down, cutting into my arm and pulling it down. I held it there until the blood began to trickle down my arm and onto my staff. Hawke adjusted my arm so it dripped down, watching the blood collect on the orb of the staff before disappearing. Gross, but awesome!

After a few minutes, I started to feel woozy and I wanted to sit, not liking the sight of my blood dripping down. Hawke seemed to notice from the corner of his eye, but didn’t say anything. “I think we collected enough,” he told me before setting my staff aside. He led me back to the chairs and helped me sit before turning to the table in the corner of the room. He picked up a piece of cloth that I didn’t notice earlier and gently grabbed my arm.

He tied the cloth tight, making sure to double knot it. He seemed satisfied with his work and smiled at me. “Congratulations,” he announced. “You just did your first act of blood magic.”

I grinned, cradling my arm. It stung were I cut it and I saw blood leaking through. I ignored it, glancing at my staff. “That was easier than I thought.”

“Did you think you would have to do a dance or something?” Hawke asked, leaning against a wall.

“Sort of,” I answered honestly. “I wouldn’t be surprised if I had too.” You did it. You are a blood mage. Oh my God. You’re a blood mage! “I’m a blood mage,” I whispered with a smile.

Hawke laughed and slapped me on my back. “Welcome,” he grinned. “How are you going to tell Curly?”

I grimaced, feeling the excitement leave me. Shit. Didn’t want to think about that! “With a smile?” I answered. “Honestly, I think that me and you should be the only ones that know about this. That man is important to me, but I shouldn’t be ashamed of me or what I want to be. Even if that is blood magic.” I shrugged. “He’ll probably be upset, but when he finds out I won’t deny it. That’s not fair to either of us.”

Hawke soaked my words in and he blinked a couple times before glancing down at his feet, then back up at me. “You’re right,” he agreed.

“I am?” I asked in surprise. That doesn’t happen often, so awesome…I think…right? “About what exactly?”

“You shouldn’t hide,” he told me with confidence. He strutted to the door and turned to me. “Anders isn’t going to hide here. I’m going to tell the Inquisitor he’s here. If Curly and Seeker don’t like it, I don’t give a fuck.” Hawke’s voice was confident and his eyes pierced me. “Thank you, Captain.” He froze before turning back to me. “Others won’t understand how blood magic isn’t all evil. However, when the voices start talking, come to me.”

“You’re welcome…I think,” I replied as he marched out of the room, leaving me to myself. “Wait, voices?!” He was gone though, and I slouched in my chair. “One crazy mage that fell from a rift? Check. One crazy mage that blew up a chantry? Double check. Can I help you with anyone else?” I chuckled, knowing Cassandra and Cullen were going to be pissed. I should probably stay clear of them.

Grabbing my staff, I got up, glancing around the room one last time. Always thought I’d be in a forest or something when I became a blood mage. I guess abandoned dirty room works as well. I stepped out of the room, trying to decide where to go. I pulled my sleeve down, hiding the wound on my arm. I passed Anders and Hawke’s room and noticed it was empty. He was really doing it. Good for them.

I snuck down toward the garden and sighed in contentment. It was peaceful in the garden. Nothing could seem to go wrong here. I continued toward the door that leads to the road to the tavern, admiring the flowers as I passed. In the game, I thought it was an endless fall. I didn’t realize it was summer here and I assumed other seasons come as well. It’s hard to tell when there’s snow everywhere outside of Skyhold.

Humming, I opened the door, making my way to the tavern. A drink and some food before facing the drama between Anders and the world. I took my time, observing the people and plants around me. I stopped to bend down to smell a flower, racking my brain to figure out what it was called.

“Crystal Grace,” a soft voice said behind me. I glanced over my shoulder, smiling at Cole.

“I always thought it was pretty,” I told him. I turned back to the flower, softly touching its petals. “I always wondered what it would smell and feel like.” I leaned forward again to smell the Crystal grace.

“It’s very different here,” Cole told me softly, sitting on the bench near me. I nodded, slowly standing to go sit beside him.

“I’m sorry if my thoughts confuse you,” I replied, crossing my left leg over my right as I sat. I adjusted my lute and staff on my back so they weren’t uncomfortable. Cole shook his head, his hat shadowing his face, hiding his expression.

“I like your thoughts,” his soft voice assured me. “They are different, but in a good way. They are real and usually happy. I especially like the ones about your family. I never met someone who was so connected with their kin. It’s a bright light here with all the dark thoughts. I’m sorry you miss them.”

I stayed silent, knowing he knew what I was thinking. I thought of what Hawke said and about all the friends I have made here so far. “You brought Hawke Anders.”

Cole nodded. “Emptiness. It’s not the same without him by my side. Why can’t they understand? Varric said he’d keep the secret. I should be with him. Neither of us should be alone. Fucking Templars.”

I listened intensely, leaning forward. Cole stared at the ground, hands held together. “I couldn’t let him be alone. I like to make people happy, and Anders was nearby. I helped.”

“You have a big heart, Cole. I hope people appreciate the person you are,” I said softly, leaning my shoulder against his. Cole stared up at me with awe.

“You think I’m human,” Cole said astonished. His eyes were wide and I could see his face as he lifted into the sun. “I’m not though. I’ll never be fully human.”

I shook my head. “I don’t believe that. In fact, I know you are.”

His eyes were intense on me. “I know what you became today. I won’t tell though. People thought I was evil, but I never wanted to be. I just wanted to help. But, I can’t help make you happy if you don’t tell me how.”

I closed my eyes and tried to think of what would make me happy. An answer to how to get home. Can I get home? What do the others think of me? What does Cullen really think of me? The Inquisitor? I wish I could see my family again. Yes, that was it. Seeing my family again, even if I couldn’t talk to them. Just seeing my parents’ faces and my siblings. To let them know I loved them and will always love them no matter where I go.

“I’m sorry, Cole. I don’t think you can.” I opened my eyes, returning his stare. “And about the whole what I became today, do you mind keeping that on the down low? I don’t want anyone chasing me with pitchforks.”

“I will try,” he said softly. “I will help you though. The forest, your home you think about often. It is peaceful.” His voice was determined and I knew he probably would. I gave a small smile and nod, knowing that Cole would go above and beyond to make me happy. Hawke’s words sunk in and I put my arms around Cole, feeling his body stiffen in surprise. His arms slowly lifted around me and I tightened my embrace.

“You’re an amazing person, Cole. I’m thankful to have you in my life,” I whispered in his ear.

“Confusion and worry. Also anger. How could she keep something like this from me?” I leaned back, looking at Cole in confusion.

His attention was behind me and I turned, trying to see who he was hearing. I was guessing Cullen or Cassandra. Cassandra was scary, but I knew Cullen would be the worse of the two to deal with. I swallowed hard, knowing that he would be angry I kept Anders a secret. Ugh. Why were men so complicated?! Why was Thedas so complicated? Why couldn’t I just get answers?

“Kassy!” I heard my name called sharply from behind me. I let out a deep breath, slowly turning. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I knew that tone. That’s the tone my mom would use, closely followed by my middle and last name. Kassandra Kay King, you watch your mouth! That was usually what she complained about.

“I should leave,” Cole told me, standing up. I knew he probably wanted to avoid any confrontation. Innocent soul. I wish I could do the same.

Cullen was strutting toward us, commander mode in full swing. I watched the way his arms moved and his hair fall on his face. Even angry, he was handsome. A true commander.

“Strong. Fierce. The Lion King,” Cole spoke and I blushed. Was that how he interpreted my thoughts? Did I just think that?

Cullen seemed taken aback but his posture never wavered. I guess he sort of was my lion king. Cole gave me one last look before departing, his long legs taking him away from earshot. You got this Captain. Keep cool. “Cullen.”

His eyes narrowed a little as he stared me down. “You knew and you kept it from me?” He stopped in front of me, his arms crossed. Did he ever not wear his armor during the day? I remembered training and the way his shirt clung to him. So occasionally he didn’t.

“What you on about Cullen?” I asked in my best Sadie impression. I learned from Sadie to always avoid confrontation with a bit of British style.

“Don’t be coy. Anders.” Cullen’s tone was dark and I knew he was pissed. Sigh. Fine. Let’s do this then.

I stood up and straightened my shoulders. “I wasn’t aware I had to inform you on everything. It wasn’t my place to say anything.”

Cullen’s eyes narrowed. Shit. This wasn’t good. “It was if a mage who blew up the chantry was hiding in Skyhold.”

“First off, I wasn’t aware I had to report to you, at all. Second, he isn’t doing any harm here. And third, based on what I heard from Varric, the Chantry was asking for it in Kirkwall.” I shrugged my shoulders, waiting for the verbal attack. I could see in his posture he was upset. I honestly knew very little about Anders. Only the few pins and stories that Sarah told me. He seemed like a pretty okay guy. Based on the other games, the Chantry was full of pricks.

“As the Commander you do report to me. Also, Hawke and him have done a lot of damage in Kirkwall and I won’t be surprised if they do so here.” He took a step forward and I instinctively took a step back. Cullen looked as if I hit him, the anger leaving him. He seemed concerned but my quick temper was taking the best of me.

“My dad always told me not to talk to people in anger, because anger makes you say things you can never take back. So, I’ll say two things: One, I report to the Inquisitor, not you. Two, people change Cullen.” I swept a hand through my hair.

Cullen swallowed, looking up at the sky and then at the ground, hand on the back of his neck. “He is different. His mage-.”

“Stop thinking like a templar, Cullen.” I knew my words came out harsher than I wanted, but I was feeling very defensive for some reason. Maybe because I was a mage myself. Maybe because I now knew that he would never understand why I took on blood magic. How I thought I could make a difference with it. He didn’t trust mages still, even if he accepted them.

“I’m not,” he argued. “I just…. Maker’s breath…” He took a breath and then glanced up at me again. “I’m sorry. I was upset. I just thought we were closer. That you would share information like this with me.” His eyes went to where I was standing. “I clearly let my anger get the best of me.”

I knew he probably felt that I was scared of him. What do I do? I thought through my options and knew that if I was playing Pathfinder, I would be going over to him and playing the seduction card. Here, I would do the attention card. Hopefully, it works and eases the tension between us. I broke the space between us, climbing over the bench toward him. His whiskey eyes glanced at me in uncertainty as I got closer.

I grabbed his hand in mine, loving the way how my hand felt smaller in his. With the other hand, I slowly moved it up his chest and toward his face, making sure he’d let me. Cullen’s eyes stayed on my face as I watched my hand wander higher. My blue eyes met honey, and I felt the roughness of a day without shaving under my fingers. “What do you look like with a beard?” I tried picturing Cullen with a big blonde beard like Hawke’s black one.

Cullen seemed surprised, but then laughter came from him. I never heard him full out laugh before. In game he chuckled, but never laughed like this. I couldn’t help the smile that came to my face. He grabbed the hand that was on his face and brought it to his lips before tugging me toward him quickly and kissing me fiercely.

I felt my breath leave me and I matched his passion, wanting to do so much more than just kiss this man. It’s been a while for Captain King. Can you blame a girl? When kissing the Commander was just so….hot?

I moved my other arm up around his neck, leaning into him, feeling the hard armor against me. Damn you armor! Our kiss intensified and I opened my mouth more, letting his tongue enter. My hands held the back of his neck, his kiss forcing me to go on my tip toes. That was one of my favorite things about kissing Cullen. Having to stand on my tip toes. I hated being so tall, and with him, I didn’t feel self-conscious about that at all.

I heard him groan and I smiled, giggling, hating that I broke the kiss. The giggle came from nowhere, but I realized I was kissing a video game character. A character, until a couple months ago, I thought was fake. And now here we were, kissing very publicly I might add, in the middle of Skyhold. Too good to be true or just luck? I needed to know that answer!

Then again, I made Cullen groan. In a good way, not an exasperated way. I did this and that was for some reason, funny to me. That I could do that. “What?” He asked against my lips.

I shook my head and shrugged my shoulders. “Are you done working for the day?”

Cullen raised an eyebrow at me, grinning, running a hand down my arm. His smile disappeared when he touched the bandage on my arm and he pulled it down to look at it. Oh shit! Damn! Here we go. I wasn’t expecting to do this fight right now, but let’s do it. Because it will be a fight. He isn’t going to like this one bit. At least I can always treasure those brief make out moments. Cullen’s eyes flittered between my staff and my arm. “What did you do?”

I swallowed, making sure my voice would sound confident. Cullen wasn’t my keeper. “Had an accident. No big dea.”

Cullen’s eyes narrowed and I dropped my arms from his neck, but he grabbed the bandaged one. “Hawk isn’t teaching you blood magic is he? Kassy, you don’t understand what this man could have happen. He started-.”

“He helped win a war. For rights. Mage rights. I know. There are so many stories flying around Skyhold about the man.” I kept my face stern, channeling Captain King. This is your life. Your new chapter. Your new home. “And I am considering it. If done in moderation, it really isn’t that bad.”

“You are considering it? Considering it?!” He made sure the words were said very forcefully before he ran a hand through his hair. “Maker’s breath, Kassy! Why?”

“Cullen, it’s not bad if used in the right way. I don’t have any other skills going for me, I might as well do what I feel I’ll be great at.” I tugged my arm away and sighed. “I’m not going to do any weird demon shit.”

“Exactly. They created ritual bindings with blood magic. This isn’t fun and games. This is very serious magic. Magic that makes people wary of mages.” Cullen’s hand movements were large and he was starting to raise his voice.

“I know, Cullen. Is that what you think I’ve been doing here? Fun and games? Learning to use a sword for fun? Going into the fade for fun? Being judged by someone who is supposed to not be suspicious or judge me, for fun?” I felt the anger tears building in my eyes. Don’t you dare do it! Don’t do it! “I am considering blood magic. I know you had horrible things happen with it in the past, but what if it can help our cause?”

“Help our cause? How?” His jaw was clenched as he spoke. “You don’t understand what I saw in the circle. The people, my friends.” He took a deep breath. “Blood magic can do only horrible things. It always ends in disaster. No good can ever, EVER, come from it. You weren’t there. You wouldn’t understand.”

“I understand Cullen,” I said forcefully. “I know what blood magic can do. I know what happens. I might not have been there, but where I am from, we don’t need blood magic for people to do just as heinous actions. We have guns, which I know you don’t know what they are, but it is just as bad as blood magic.” I shook my head. “In fact, there is no coming back from using those. Don’t underestimate what I have seen and known for people to be capable of. However, I know that people can use guns for good too. To help protect and fight for their beliefs and family.”

“You aren’t in America. You are in Thedas.” His tone was full of warning. “Here magic is something you need to have watched and monitored.”

“So, if I ever decided to do blood magic, that’s it for us. We’re done. You send me away?” I put my hands on my hips. “Or am I already on watch because I have magic in general?”

“I don’t know what I would do if you did blood magic,” he replied honestly. “However, I know that you would regret it. It will take you over.”

I shook my head. “That isn’t how it works.”

“It is,” he insisted. “It is and you shouldn’t even be thinking about it. This isn’t make believe. This is reality.”

I stared at him with an open mouth. “Wait? This is reality? I’m sorry, Cullen. Let me return my princess crown and dress and tell the Inquisitor I didn’t realize I wasn’t playing pretend!” My breathing got heavier with my anger, Cullen’s increasing as well. “I fucking know what this is Cullen. This is my life now. This is what I have to make do with. In my life, MY LIFE, I call my own shots. I’m sorry if you don’t think I haven’t thought through consequences or constantly do reality checks. I am aware, painfully aware, that this isn’t a game. That this is war and I somehow am now a part of helping it.”

“How do you know all the information to help us anyhow? Is blood magic a part of the secrets?” Cullen’s eyebrows furrowed and his arms crossed over his chest.

“What!?” I asked, holding a hand to my head. What just happened? I took a deep breath and thought this over. He couldn’t know I did blood magic. That I plan to continue using it. “I know you might not agree with my choices, but you know me. Do you think me capable of ever using demons to hurt you?”

Cullen studied me. “For the right reason, maybe.” His anger seemed to be fading. “Most likely, no.”

 “Then, why are we fighting? Why can’t you just trust me to know what I’m doing, like I trust you to make your own decisions.”

His eyes softened and he crossed his arms. “Such as?”

“Lyrium,” I said softly. Cullen looked taken aback and he blushed. I tucked hair behind my ear and he reached out to catch a stray strand.

“You’re right,” he told me. “I trust you. You’ve been only honest with me.” His hand cupped my cheek and I reached up to hold his hand on my face. I gave a half smile, leaning forward to kiss him. He kissed me softly, the heat from earlier gone, now just a peace and comfort hanging around us.

I stepped back, grabbing his other hand to lead him to come sit on the bench with me. “So, like I was asking before.”

Cullen chuckled and sat next to me, letting me lean my head on his shoulder. “Unfortunately, the work never stops.”

I sighed in my mind, knowing that he really, honestly was busy. I should be packing and getting ready for tomorrow. Off to the Hinterlands. I sighed, glancing at Cullen from the corner of my eye. He was quiet, just sitting there, holding my hand, and observing the world around us. It felt wonderful to be leaning against Cullen’s shoulder, happy to just be by each other.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Anders,” I apologized softly, my voice almost a whisper. I knew we weren’t arguing anymore, but I felt a little guilty for some reason. It’s a curse that I always have had. Even when I know I did nothing wrong, I feel guilty. I have a love hate relationship with when my guilt kicks on. It was never there when I cheated on diets.

Cullen shifted and I felt his arm go around my shoulder, and I was against his chest. I turned my face to look up at him. He was already looking down at me and his half smile made my heart beat faster. I put a hand on his chest as we he smiled at me and I felt a little self-conscious. Why was he smiling at me? What was going on? “Why are you smiling?” My other hand went to my face with instinct, the usual cause for someone laughing because something on my face.

“You just keep surprising me,” he answered. I raised an eyebrow. “You just happen to say things I never expect.”

I laughed. “You’re surprised that I apologized?” I laid my head on his chest again. “Dude, you are in for a lot of surprises.”

“Dude?” Cullen sounded amused. I nodded, knowing that this moment would be ended all too soon. I felt him lift my hand and I watched him fidget his fingers. “I’m sorry for assuming you were doing magic for entertainment.”

I almost laughed out loud, but knew this wasn’t the time. I was getting better with conversation etiquette. “I almost forgot you said that until you reminded me,” I joked, chuckling a little. “I guess I can find it in myself to forgive you, Commander.” I squinted up at him. “Just don’t do it again.”

Cullen laughed, lifting my hand to his lips, and kissing it again. I felt the butterflies in my stomach and I felt a strange pull towards this man. Something about this man made me feel okay here. Besides Dorian, he was the one that helped me feel like I could survive here. They saw through me to what I really am. Cullen knows I wasn’t really a Captain, but he somehow made me one and forgave the past.

Hawke was right. Eventually you find someone and they feel like home to you. Was Cullen the one that could make me feel that? That could help lessen the pain of missing my home and family? Would I be able to stay with him if given the chance? Would I choose him over going home?

I felt a guilt in my gut, knowing that the answer to that last question could easily be a yes. I would miss Cullen, with every fiber of my being if I went back home. Back to the ordinary life I had. Back to the world where Cullen was only a dream. Even if Cullen offered to go with me, I knew he wouldn’t last there. Everything was too advance for him. At least I have some knowledge of here.

His knuckles were gently tracing my jaw and I closed my eyes, smiling softly. Yes. I would do anything for this man. I loved him. Wait…what? Slow that down Kassy. It’s only been a couple months of knowing the man. There is no way you could love him. Could there? I opened my eyes, wanting more than anything to have clear decisions and answers. Life here was complicated and there was no Dad to turn to for helping me with my decision.

“I don’t mean to interrupt,” a cool voice said and Cullen and I jumped. Cullen’s hand dropped from my face and Solas looked between the two of us with amusement. “I just wished to speak with the Captain about going home. I think I found an answer.”

I felt Cullen stiffen, and I spied him frown slightly from the corner of my eye, his face slowly slipping into Commander mode. “What did you find?” I asked, slipping toward the edge of my seat, eyes on Solas. A way home? Finally?

“Perhaps we could discuss this in private,” Solas suggested, gesturing to a bench on the other side of the area.

I shook my head, knowing Cullen would want to know what Solas found out. I turned to Cullen who was sitting taller and straighter than before, eyes intensely on Solas. “The Commander will find out anyhow,” I replied, wanting Solas to spit out the answer. Keep cool, Kassy. Just two minutes ago, you were thinking that you were staying with Cullen regardless. What is so different now? That it might be a very real possibility?

Solas nodded, straightening his shoulders. “I decided to do some studying in the Fade since you were hurt. I wanted to know how you made a rift so large and if you could create one to get you back home.” He took a deep breath, his voice smooth and flawless. He never seemed to trip over his words and he always seemed to know what he wanted to say.

“That being said,” he moved his arms in front of him. “I found something rather unfortunate. I discussed this with Dorian as well, seeing if my theory was correct.” His eyes, which were already almost puppyish, looked at me with pity. Well…shit. I already knew what he was going to say. “I’m sorry, Captain. Unfortunately, what I found out was, that in order to go back, it would have to be through the same rift.”

I nodded in understanding, tears pricking my eyes. Cullen’s voice was strong in the silence. “Why is that unfortunate? We just go back to the rift and she can be on her way.” His eyes focused on Solas, his hand slipping into mine.

“The Inquisitor closed the rift as soon as the Captain fell from it,” Solas informed Cullen. Cullen’s grip was tighter.

“So, we reopen it. Haven’t you reopened rifts before?”  His tone was now in Commander mode and his stare intense on Solas.

“We were able to reopen rifts that were frozen. The Inquisitor closes the rifts for good when using her anchor. Therefore,” his puppy eyes were on me now.

“I’ll never be able to go home,” I whispered in understanding. Tears were welling in my eyes and I begged for them not to fall. Get your act together Kassy. Keep strong now, and you can cry later in private. I promise, you can go straight to your room and cry once you are done talking. Maybe my crazy fade powers can open a rift home.

“Dorian feels the same,” Solas told us. He gave me an apologetic look. “I thought perhaps you may be able to create a rift yourself, but Dorian pointed out that you are only able to open rifts to the Fade, not other dimensions.”

I felt my heart sink a little more as he spoke, extinguishing my hopes of maybe ever getting home. This was for real. I was stuck here. It wasn’t just hypothetical anymore. It was reality. Welcome to Thedas, Kassy.

“There isn’t any other way of her being able to see her family again?” Cullen’s voice was forceful, as if he wasn’t happy with the answers he was receiving.

“Not that I know of,” Solas answered.  I rolled my eyes. Solas would know. He is a god after all.

I swallowed hard, fighting the tears. They weren’t falling yet, and I hoped they wouldn’t until I got to the privacy of my own bedroom. “Thanks, Solas.” My voice was a bit croaky from trying to restrain my sobs. Solas gave a quick sad smile, before heading back toward the direction of his study.

The bench under me felt very hard now, and I sat still, frozen on the bench. I felt Cullen’s hand still holding mine, and it was like the moment we shared just disappeared. The magic gone within five minutes. I stared at the ground, the flowers a focal point to be lost in. My mind began to be absent as I just stared at the same square of garden for what felt like hours, though I knew it was only a couple minutes.

“Kassy,” Cullen spoke softly. I blinked a few times, coming out of my trance. I felt a tear escape an eye and I wiped it away quickly.

“Hmm?” I asked with a fake smile, trying to pretend everything was okay. It would be okay. It had to be okay. I would make things okay. I knew there was always a chance of this happening, but now it seems so…final.

Cullen gazed at me in concern, and I knew he wanted to talk about this. I wanted to talk to him, but I knew I needed to digest this first. Needed to realize that…that…oh shit. Stop. Get to your room. “I…,” my voice cracked and I felt another tear escape. Okay. Book it to your room. Don’t do it in the open. “I’ll be…I have to go.”

I practically jumped from the bench, my hand leaving Cullen’s. I fast walked to the stairs that led to the main hall of Skyhold. I jogged up the stairs, accidently bumping into a stranger on the way. I continued without apologizing, knowing I needed to hurry and cry this out. My chest was aching and straining. It felt like there was a buildup, like the beginning of a panic attack. I gripped my dragon claw necklace, racing past Solas as I left the door open behind me to his office and the ramparts behind me . Almost there.

I rushed into Cullen’s office, relieved that I was only a little bit away from my room. Soon I’d be there. A recruit was waiting by Cullen’s desk and he glanced up at me in surprise. I didn’t even wave as I began going toward the door to my room. His eyes went past me and I heard Cullen’s voice before I saw him.

“There you are, Commander Cullen,” the recruit said. So, Cullen followed me. I didn’t know how I felt about that.  

“I won’t be taking anymore reports today,” he informed the recruit. “They will have to wait until the morning. You are dismissed.” The recruit nodded their head and set his report on Cullen’s desk.

“Yes, Ser,” the recruit responded, stepping out of the room without looking behind him. I started to open the door, ready to sneak out before Cullen notices, but Cullen’s hand on my arm stopped me.

“Talk to me,” Cullen gently ordered. I felt torn between wanting to cry to him, or just do it in privacy. It was odd having someone that wanted to be there while I cried. I was typically a loner when dealing with my anxiety and tears. I didn’t want anyone else to know my weaknesses. That I have them. Only my parents really understood what I felt, and that was when I called them with chest gripping panic attacks.

This wasn’t a panic attack though. This was grief. I know I cried before over the loss of my family, but this time it was final. This time it was for certain, that I would never be able to be with my family again. That I would never hug my parents or joke around with Liam. I would never be able to ask advice from my older sisters or hear silly stories from Sadie. I would be…alone. Completely family alone, without being able to call my dad for advice or mom for help. What were the last things I said to them? Last conversations? Making the choice to stay would have been a far different feeling than having no choice.

So, do I show Cullen this side of me? He’s seen it before, well, an extent of it. I studied the hand on my arm, and felt my chest tighten more. If it wasn’t him here, I’d be crying to Dorian probably. He was here. He followed me. He cared.

I glanced up at his face then, and his honey eyes sparkled with concern. “Kassy?” The sound of my name broke me and I leaned into his chest, crying. The metal from his armor, hitting my cheek rather hard from impact. I didn’t care though. I needed to cry out this moment so I could move on. His arms went around me and I felt my chest heave a little more, hating that I couldn’t stop this crying. That I would have to let it take its course.

Cullen just held me for a few minutes in silence, and I wonder if he felt awkward. I shifted my cheek, able to contain the sobbing now. I hit his armor just right and felt the bruise forming on my cheek from leaning so hard against his chest. I reached a hand up, rubbing my cheek and almost started laughing. My emotions were a bit crazy right now. I knew if I kept crying against his armor I was going to A: rust it, and B: bruise my face more. I leaned away from his chest, taking a step back, still rubbing my cheek.

“I’m sorry,” I hiccupped, sounding worse than I intended. Cullen wiped away some tears from my face, and I flinched when he touched the bruised part of my cheek.

“Did I hurt you?” He asked in concern and I shook my head with a bit of a laugh.

“More like your armor. I knocked into it with a bit too much force,” I told him, sniffling a bit. I looked up at him and he was staring down at my cheek and then at his armor.

“I’m not used to comforting people,” he informed me, his hands leaving me. I felt a bit disappointed as I watched them go to his armor. Wait….he was taking off his armor?

“What are you doing?” I asked him, his focus never leaving his armor. He was unbuckling the other shoulder of his chest piece.

“Taking my armor off,” he said matter of factly. I shook my head and almost rolled my eyes.

“I know that, but don’t you have other things to do? What will people think if the Commander goes to a war council meeting without his armor?” My voice tried to convey teasing but the croakiness made it sound almost awkward.

“I don’t have any more meetings today,” he told me taking off his arm piece. “Something more important came up. I can deal with the other matters in the morning.”

I moved toward him, sitting on the edge of his desk, watching him take off his other arm piece. He took off his robe and set it on the chair by the desk. “You shouldn’t take the rest of the day off. I’ll be fine. You said that you were really busy earli-.”

“Captain,” Cullen interrupted with gentle force. He was in a plain white linen shirt now and I felt my heart beat faster, intimidated suddenly. Okay…so feeling hot and bothered. Then I remember why I was crying.

“You shouldn’t take off the rest of the day. I know you have a lot of things to do and I don’t expect you to drop everything,” I told him. I glanced down at my boots, covered with dirt. I held on to my necklace, trying to focus on not wanting to cry again.

Cullen walked toward me. His steps determined. Our eyes locked and he never broke the connection as he grabbed my hands. “I don’t know how to do this. Comforting. However, I know what it’s like to lose people close to you. Let me comfort you.”

I never knew a guy to care that much. To cancel the rest of his day to just be there for me. I jumped off the desk, throwing my arms around Cullen in a tight embrace. “Thank you, Cullen.”

Cullen put a hand to my head, holding it to his chest. There was a knock on the door and I felt Cullen sigh in frustration. “Apparently no one understands what no reports means.” He let go of me, going toward the door. “I’ll only be a moment.”

I watched him go to the door and I felt my body wanting to sit down somewhere. Cullen opened the door and stepped out of the room, and I knew he was being considerate toward me. He knew I didn’t want people seeing me cry. I glanced around for a place to sit and the ladder to his loft caught my eye. Without hesitating, I went to the ladder, climbing it slowly.

My stitches strained slightly when I reached up to grab the next rung but I kept going, wanting to be out of sight if anyone did come in.  I reached the top and did a mental high-five to myself. The room was different than I pictured. You see it in game, but in reality, the room was a haven. The way the light shown down on the bed, made you feel safe.

I set down my staff and lute, walking toward the window. The mountains were amazing from here and I closed my eyes as the breeze blew through the window on my face, drying some tears. Tears were still gently falling down my face, but the need to sob was gone, replaced by soft hiccups. I glanced at the unmade bed and I smiled thinking about how last night he was in my own.

How could I feel this way about someone I only knew a couple months? How can someone make somethings feel like I’m going to be okay? How is it that even though I just found out, I would never see my family again, I knew if he was there I would survive? Is that creepy? Is that too fast? Does he feel the same way? Why would he feel the same way? Was he my Anders?

I thought of my parents and knew that my dad would say that time isn’t anything. If you feel a certain way, act on it. Then he would say no more tears on him. He had a lot of those conversations with me. “Kassy Kay, if I ever die, make sure to make yourself someone others want to be. Not money wise, but personality wise. Don’t focus on your grief, focus on life. That is what I want from you. If any daughter could do this, I know it’s you Kass.”

I felt a fresh wave of tears come to my cheeks and I laughed out loud. Dad was right. I was his daughter. I could do this. I needed to lift my chin and focus on the life I was in now. I felt a tug in my chest and I glanced over at my lute. I’d be strong later. Right now, I needed to grieve and I knew if I picked up that lute, I’d start bawling.

I heard the door shut below and I knew Cullen would be climbing up the ladder soon. I reached down to tug off my boots, wanting to have my feet free. I flexed my toes as I wiped an eye and crawled to the top of the bed. Hugging a pillow to my chest.

Cullen’s hair started to show and I ran a hand through my hair, as he stood at the top of the ladder. His eyebrow was raised as he took in the image before him. Me with my bare feet on his bed. Then I realized, he probably never had a woman in this room…at least I hoped he hadn’t.

“We won’t be disturbed for the rest of the day,” he informed me, heading to the bed. I nodded, hoping he didn’t find this weird.

“I needed a pillow,” I replied, knowing that it was the stupidest answer I could give. He chuckled and sat next to me, and I put the pillow aside. He wrapped an arm around my waist as I leaned my head against his shoulder. His hand knocked my stitches and I gasped in pain. “Stitches,” I said threw clenched teeth, knowing the sting would leave soon.

Cullen glanced down, and I saw his frown. “Maker’s breath, I just keep injuring you today, don’t I?” He moved his hand, but I grabbed it, putting it back.

“Not on purpose,” I assured him. I snuggled into his chest, loving the way he smelled and felt. I was safe here with him. I might have my woes, but I was safe with him. I wish Dad was able to meet Cullen. Meet the man who I hoped I would spend the rest of my life with…wait…what? Did I just think that? Too fast? Dad would never be able to meet Cullen. Neither would Liam. He would have been amused with Cullen. Too serious, he would say, but I knew he could be silly if he wanted. With only two little sisters, Liam was extra protective of us. He always said, he thought whomever I ended up with would end up being one of his good friends or worst enemy. I felt the wetness on my cheeks and knew I was crying again.

 “Tell me about your family,” Cullen said softly into my hair, his chest vibrating from his voice. I grabbed his hand, calloused from years of training.

“I have three older sisters,” I began, my voice scratchy. “My older sister Brynn has three kids all boys, my other Rosie has one little girl, and Kate has a boy and was expecting a little girl in a month.” I started playing with the fabric of his shirt. “My older brother is Liam. He’s very protective of me and my little sister, but me more for some reason.” I looked up at Cullen with a smile. “He would have liked you.”

Cullen chuckled and his scar twitched. “The way you make him sound, I’m not so sure I’d want to.”

“He’s not that intimidating,” I teased. “At least not for the Commander.”

Cullen smiled. “Even I get intimidated.”

“Doubt it,” I told him. “Everyone is intimidated by you. I was when I first met you.” Cullen blushed and I decided to not make him any more uncomfortable. “Then there is my little sister Sadie. She’s my best friend. I go to her for everything. Problems. Stories. Boys.” I felt the lump in my throat and I knew those damn tears would be coming. “Growing up, we did everything together, even though our personalities were so different. She was the one person that sort of understood what I was going through. That really knew what I meant when I said something.” The hotness from my tears where rolling now. “Unless you have a bond like that with a sibling, you don’t understand what you are missing. Or how you took that friendship for granted.”

I sniffed, and knew that talking about Sadie would be hard. I loved all my siblings, but Sadie and I, we were invincible even when we were arguing. She was my therapist and I was hers. We talked about everything. I kept trying to clear my face of the tears, but they just kept coming.

“If you’d rather not talk about them, I understand,” Cullen whispered to me. I bent my head to look up at him. His whiskey eyes on my bloodshot grey. I studied him. His curly hair was messed up a little and his face was soft with concern as he studied my face. I reached up to stroke his cheek, his five ‘clock shadow prickly against my fingers. His other hand grabbed it and locked it in his own. Was this what it felt like in a relationship. My other ones never felt this way. I never pictured Cullen being this way in a relationship. Soft and careful.

“It’s only my parents left really,” I told him. “How interested are you in them?”

Cullen’s focus went down to my necklace. “Very,” he answered, his tone low and full of interest. He let go of my hand to study my necklace more carefully. “When you were hurt and the Inquisitor gave me this necklace, I couldn’t help wondering about the person who gave it to you.” Golden eyes were on me. “Who could the man be that made this woman that sacrificed herself for practical strangers, for a cause she barely knew?” He took a deep breath. “Who was the person that raised her to think that her last action before dying would be to give a man she barely knew, a necklace that is very precious to her?”

I stared in wonderment at Cullen, not knowing what to say. I never thought about what I did was the result of Dad and Mom. “That was most likely my parents.” I smiled at the thought of my parents and their relationship. “My parents are my relationship goal. They knew they were meant for each other at a young age. My dad even told my mom that he was going to marry her one day when they were thirteen.” I laughed a little. “They did, and they give so many sacrifices for each other without even thinking about it. They just are each other’s halves. Each other’s home.” I thought about Mom and Dad singing together on the guitar. “Thirty-one years they have been together, and they love each other more than when they first met.”

Talking about Mom and Dad was going to be hard, but I knew that talking about them would help. Cullen should know the people that made me who I am. “My mom is the prettiest woman I ever met. She never seemed to age and she is the epitome of class and beauty. I always tried to be like her. I dressed like her, tried to do my hair like her, and even practiced my handwriting to be like hers. Over the years though, she helped me discover the type of personality I have and the woman I am. She taught me to love literature and to embrace the creativity in me no matter what others think.”

I felt the words getting harder, knowing talking about Dad would be one of the most difficult ones. “Dad. Well Dad is the most amazing man I know. He was the person I went to for any advice or guidance. I am proudly a Daddy’s girl.” I chuckled and thought of Dad. “He was the most selfless human being I have ever met. He would do anything for his family. Family first was his motto. He also taught us to be more than what others perceive. To be the person you read about in stories. To be the heroes in our own lives, no matter what it takes. Work hard and follow your own moral compass.” I took a second to take a deep breath.

“I always thought my mom was the romantic one, but I realize my dad was. He was the one to tell us to follow our hearts no matter what society or anyone else says. To do what makes you happy and to not worry about the big picture, just worry about now.” I knew talking about them anymore would make me sob again and I did not want to go back to that.

Cullen looked toward the window thoughtfully. “I never heard someone talk about family the way you do.” He leaned his head against the headboard, his gaze on the ceiling above him now. “I think I want that someday.”

“You will,” I assured him, also peering at the sky through his broken roof. I put a hand to his chest and turned my body toward him, so I could see him better. “Thank you, Cullen. For listening. Even if you didn’t particularly want to hear it. I don’t do the whole grief thing gracefully.”

Cullen’s eyes flickered to mine as I spoke and he didn’t seem embarrassed or resentful. For the first time, neither of us were stumbling when we talked to each other like we usually do. “I enjoyed getting to hear about your family. I hope that one day you find a man that competes with your father.”

I shook my head. “Why do you say it that way? You don’t think you compete?” I sat up, crossed legged on the bed, facing him with confusion. Doesn’t he know how I felt? If anyone could compete with my dad, it would be Cullen.

“I know I don’t,” he said with certainty. “You deserve someone who…who…,” his eyes darted around the room trying to find the right words. “Who make you want to sing a song about them.”

I watched him run hand through his blonde curls and all I felt was confusion. Was he trying to give me a hint? I thought about Dad and what he would tell me to do. Pick up that guitar and sing. Sing the first song that makes you think of him.

I crawled to the edge of the bed, not looking back at Cullen and reached over to grab my lute from the floor. I wiped my eyes and nose with my sleeve quickly, knowing Dad and Mom would want me to stop crying and to live in the now. Live the life I have laid here. Keep what was important close to me.

Hawke was right. You never know who you find as family and home until you lost both. I arranged myself on the edge of the bed so that I could hold the lute easily while I played. I started strumming chords, not thinking about what song I would play. I knew it would find me. I closed my eyes and soon, I was playing the introduction to Feels like Home by Chantal Kreviazuk.

I opened my eyes as I began to sing, wanting to focus on Cullen. He watched me curiously and his eyes were dark. “ _Something in your eyes, makes me want to lose myself. Makes me want to lose myself, In your arms.  There's something in your voice, Makes my heart beat fast. Hope this feeling lasts, The rest of my life. If you knew how lonely my life has been. And how long I've been so alone. If you knew how I wanted someone to come along, And change my life the way you've done._

 _“It feels like home to me. It feels like home to me. It feels like I'm all the way back where, I come from. It feels like home to me. It feels like home to me. Feels like I'm all the way back where I belong.”_ I switched from glancing at the chords to his face, not knowing the chords by heart on guitar, let alone the lute. I felt the bed shift and Cullen grabbed my lute from me and I swallowed hard. Was he stopping me because he didn’t feel the same way or….

“I still have half the song left,” I told him, watching him set my lute on the other side of the bed. His stare was intense as he glanced my way again. “Obviously, you don’t feel the same way I prob-.” I was silenced by an aggressive kiss and I wrapped my arms around his neck, as his went to my waist. I rearranged myself so I was on the bed better, wanting to get closer to him. His hands were starting to go under my shirt, gently stroking the skin and I gasped again when his hand once again accidently hit my stitches. Cullen froze at my gasp and I groaned. “Apparently we are going to have to wait until this heals again to do anything hot and heavy.”

“I….I’m sorry,” Cullen apologized. A hand went to his neck. “I somehow keep hurting you today.”

I shook my head with a smile. “Cullen, stop apologizing.”

His lip twitched and his honey eyes went to my face. “Did you mean that song?”

I leaned forward to place a kiss on his lips. “Every word.” He deepened the kiss and I laughed against his lips. “Do you…do you feel the same?”

Cullen pushed the hair from my face. “I have from the beginning. Honestly, I couldn’t keep my eyes off you, but we’ve only just met.” He smiled and I felt the butterflies in my stomach. Focus Kass. Focus. “Somehow, I’ve always known you were my home, I was just too stubborn to admit it.”

I felt the heat of his words shoot through me and tears came to my eyes. “So, the Commander does do feelings,” I teased.

Cullen rolled his eyes, wrapping me in his arms and laying me back on the bed against his chest. “Oh, shut up and let me hold you.”

I didn’t argue with that! How could I say no? I adjusted my face against his chest, feeling the weight of my eyelids grow heavy from the crying. I was so tired though. I started to drift into sleep, not able to keep my eyes open any longer.

Maker’s breath, I forgot to pack for tomorrow. I guess I was waking up early….ugh.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**I do not own any characters. They all belong to the legend that is Bioware. Sweet, sweet Bioware. Thanks for all the comments and follows! I really appreciate it! Shout out to my beta reader Eruya! Hope you enjoy the new chapter! Rated M for language and future lemons!**

**Chapter 14**

Light streamed through the ceiling, making me see red behind my eyelids. I groaned, confused at where I was. I reached up a hand and felt Cullen’s chest. Ah yes. You were sleeping with the Commander, Captain. Self five!

“Kassy!” Someone hissed and I opened my eyes quickly, blinking a few times. “Don’t make me come up there!”

I sat up slowly, not wanting to wake Cullen. His face was peaceful and I realized he didn’t have any nightmares last night. I heard someone starting to climb the ladder and I went to crawl to the end of the bed to throw my boots on. I tried to not make too much movement or noise as I slow motioned crawled to my boots. A head popped up and Dorian’s smirk disappeared.

“I really thought I was going to walk in on something more…,” he gestured to me, “naked.”

I raised an eyebrow at him and rolled my eyes. I knew my face was red and I was glad Cullen was asleep. “Is this going to happen every morning?” Cullen asked groggily. Dorian’s smirk was back and I hung my head in embarrassment.

“I’ll probably miss the actual action and catch the afterglow,” Dorian teased. “Especially on mornings when the Inquisitor wants to quest.”

“I’ll be right down,” I assured him, glad he woke me so I wasn’t late. Dorian gave me a wink and took in the scene before him one last time before heading back down with a laugh. I felt a tug on my shirt and I giggled, glancing back at Cullen with a smile. “Sorry.”

“He’s not wrong you know,” Cullen said with a teasing grin. “We should do that naked.” I stared at him with surprise, the smile gone from my face. Cullen just asked you for sex…well suggested sex? Either way he wants you naked. I didn’t know how to reply. “That is…umm…if you felt that you wanted…well…Maker’s breath,” he mumbled, a hand slipping into his hair. “I didn’t mean to offend you.”

I sat back on my heels, keeping eye contact with him. “Is that an order Commander?” I asked with a wink, leaning toward him. Cullen’s embarrassment disappeared and his hand left his hair and cupped my cheek.

“More of a request,” he assured me, his voice husky. I leaned forward and kissed him, smiling like a teenager after the quick kiss.

“I need to get going,” I sighed. I went to move again, needing to put my boots on and do some quick packing. Cullen grabbed my wrist, pulling me back to him and surprising me with a demanding kiss, making the butterflies in my stomach flutter. “Cullen, I need to go.”

He sighed and nodded, knowing that I had a job to do with the Inquisition. Back to the real world now. I wasn’t looking forward to it. I got off the bed, and grabbed my boots, opting to put them on once I got to my room. He watched me start to climb down the ladder, and I gave him a smile. “Later dude.”

Cullen chuckled, and shook his head. “Later dude,” he repeated with his heart breaking half smile. I stared at his hand as he rubbed the back of his neck, his eyes never leaving me as I started down the ladder. I jumped down the last two rungs and gave a smile at Dorian who was leaning in the doorway that leads to the rampart toward my room.

“I thought I would assist you with your packing,” he informed me with a knowing smile. “If you and the Commander are finished saying goodbye.”

I rolled my eyes at him, not able to keep the dumb grin off my face. I sighed, unable to keep Cullen from my mind. “Come on then,” I muttered, slipping past him, bumping him with my boots.

“Aye, aye Captain,” he chuckled. I shook my head. Well, at least he is getting the pirate lingo. Opening the door, I saw a bag already packed. I turned to Dorian, raising an eyebrow.

“You mean pack for me?” I laughed. I noticed an outfit laid out, along with my corset and cloak. “I don’t know about the corset Dorian,” I said hesitantly. I shrugged out of my shirt, slipping on the one he picked out.

“You look amazing in it and it will help protect your wound from any further damage,” Dorian countered. “Stop arguing and just put it on.”

I sighed, changing my pants. “Boots then corset,” I quoted to him. I sat on the edge of my bed to pull my boots on and I felt like I was almost just getting ready to head to Ren Faire, not a journey to do who knows what.

Dorian held out the corset and I put it on, turning for him to lace me up. I forgot how confident boosting corsets were. My belt was next to follow and I noticed the missing sword. “Who?” I asked looking over at Dorian.

“Cassandra,” he replied unsurprised. “After yesterday, her and Iron Bull decided that you shouldn’t be using a sword until the wound is completely healed.”

“I agree,” Cullen’s voice chimed in, and I twirled to look back at him. He was in his armor and holding my lute and staff. “Thought you might need these.”

Dorian winked at me and his mustache twitched as he tried not to smile. “I’ll be waiting by the stables,” he informed me. I nodded with a smile, and Cullen moved aside to let Dorian pass, giving a goodbye nod to Dorian’s farewell.

“Thanks.” I stepped forward to grab the lute and staff, placing it on my bed. “Would have been a disaster if I forgot those.” I glanced under my bed, seeing if maybe Cassandra just set it someplace else, not really taken it away.

Cullen laughed. “You aren’t going to find it here,” he informed me. “I asked her to keep it until the healer cleared you for vigorous training.”

Vigorous training? I didn’t know whether to go with an angry reply or sexual innuendo. “Cullen,” I began, feeling a bit frustrated. “I’m allowed to carry a sword, just not fight. What if we got in a fight and I couldn’t use my staff? I don’t know how to fight with it yet.” So, I guess I was just going with frustrated.

“If you are truly a mage, there is no need for a sword,” he assured me quietly. He took a step forward, ignoring my anger.

“I don’t want to be a mage,” I argued. “I want to use a sword and be a badass.” Can I change my class? I thought in my head.

Cullen stared at me for a second before laughing. “You don’t want to be a mage?”

I shook my head. “I have no choice in the matter though.”

Cullen’s forehead furrowed, and his smile ran away from his face. “I didn’t realize that some mages might not want to have magic.”

I shrugged my shoulders. “It is what it is.” I pulled on my cloak and Cullen watched me tie the strings together. “However, I guess I’ll just embrace it and be the most kick ass one there ever was.” I stopped and remembered Hawke. “After Hawke.”

It was Cullen’s turn to roll his eyes as he stepped forward toward me and pulled my cloak toward him, his other hand cupping my face, bringing me in for a kiss. His kiss was demanding and his tongue was there, surprising me. I couldn’t say how long it was. A few seconds? Minutes? How could this kiss be better than the others? Where were my hands?

We ended the kiss at the same time and I smiled goofily. Ummm….thoughts? What happened to them? “I don’t know what kick ass is, but unless you start three wars, you are already more kick ass than Hawke.”

I laughed, my smile almost hurting my cheeks. “Was that kiss your way of showing me that?” Smooth Captain King. Nailing it.

“That was because I hate that I can’t go with you to the Hinterlands,” his tone sober. “I wish I could go, but I’m needed here with everything going on with the ball and Samson.”

Cullen seemed anxious now and I reached a hand up to his cheek. So, my hands were on his shoulders during that kiss I guess. “I’ll be fine. What can go wrong in the Hinterlands?”

“Many things,” he began. “Thieves, bandits, rifts, and not to mention many types of creatures like bears.”

I stared open mouthed, forgetting just how much was in the Hinterlands. “Maybe I’ll bring a bear back as a pet,” I finally replied.

Cullen rolled his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. “Maker’s breath,” he sighed. “Please don’t bring a bear back.”

I shook my head, moving my hair out of my eyes with my hand. “I can’t promise that. If Baloo wants to come home with me, he is welcomed to.”

“Baloo?” His scar twitched and I nodded.

“Yep,” I replied, slipping away from him to throw on my lute, bag, and staff. I undid my messy braid and quickly rebraided it, wanting it to be tight for the journey. “If I die, you can keep him forever.”

Cullen frowned. “No joking about that,” he commanded.

“Yes sir,” I mumbled, glancing around to make sure I had everything. I touched my chest to make sure I had my necklace on. I seemed to have everything…I hoped. “I should probably go meet Dorian now.” I watched Cullen look around awkwardly. I doubted we would ever not be awkward. “I’ll be back Cullen,” I assured him.

“You better,” he growled, pulling me to him again and holding me against his chest. I wrapped my arms around him, snuggling into the softness of his robe. “You shouldn’t make the Inquisitor wait,” he said in a low voice.

I never wanted to leave his arms. Dumb Hinterlands. I better find a fucking bear. “I’ll see you soon,” I told him, kissing him quickly on the mouth. He smiled softly, nodding. “La vie en rose, Cullen.”

Cullen’s teeth showed in his smile and I felt my heart flutter. Teeth in a smile? He was trying to kill me from his handsomeness. “La vie en rose, Kass.” He grabbed one of my hands and kissed it lightly. I slowly pulled it away, knowing I had to break this spell soon. I started to walk to the door when I heard Cullen say, “See ya later, dude.”

I laughed at that, winking at him before heading out the door and toward the stables, grinning the whole way.

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“So, you came to prove a point to Cullen?” I asked Hawke, surprised my legs haven’t protested at the walking yet.

“Yes,” he replied. “Curly was getting on my nerves and now, I am officially apart of the Inquisition.”

“And you came along?” I turned to Anders.

“To find another chantry to blow up,” he responded dryly.

“He used to be quite charming,” Hawke commented with a grin. “Before that whole blow up the chantry business.”

“I’m sure,” I laughed nervously, glancing over at the blonde. “Or he is just missing his cat. I hear he has a bit of an obsession.”

Hawke chuckled, slapping a hand on Ander’s back. “She caught our secret. Captain Purr had to stay at Skyhold while we traveled.”

“Apparently it was Captain Purr or Varric,” Anders grumbled.

“And I obviously won,” Varric responded with a grin. “Just like in Kirkwall, eh Blondie?”

Anders rolled his eyes and continued walking. Someone was moody without his cat. “It’s been three days of traveling, when will you stop pouting?”

Varric laughed. “Prophet’s got a point.”

Anders glanced between Varric and me. I stared back, trying not to blink. “When did you two join forces?”

I leaned over to Varric and did a stage whisper. “Don’t get him upset. Judgement might take over and we’ll be screwed.”

Anders furrowed his forehead and Hawke put a hand on his shoulder. “Justice, Captain.”

“You know, Anders, if I could get you another cat right now I would, but….wait! Hold on!” I dug through my bag, pulling out a piece of paper and my ink. I leaned over a rock and quickly made a very cartoon like drawing of a cat. I put away the ink and sprinted to catch up with the others. I held out my drawing to Anders. “There you are, Anders. One cat. It should tide you over until Skyhold.”

Anders took the drawing from me, amusement on his face. He slowly started laughing, his shoulders shaking from the laughter. I smiled, glancing at Hawke, who was grinning at Anders. “Problem solved,” Hawke told me, giving me a wink. I blushed and felt a spasm in my head.

The past few days, these spasms have been becoming more frequent. Also, the craziest dreams. I heard a voice talking in a hushed voice and I turned to see who it was. No one was behind me and I shook my head, deciding it was nothing.

“Captain, is everything alright?” I heard Branwen ask.

I glanced up at her and forced a smile. “Of course,” I replied. The spasm was still pulsing and I clenched a hand into a fist. “Do I not seem like it?”

Branwen shook her head, her eyes studying me. “Not particularly,” she answered, her blue eyes taking in my own. “Cullen made me promise to make sure you didn’t strain yourself.”

I raised my eyebrows. “Cullen has you babysitting me?”

“Babysitting?” Her beautiful face split into a smile. “It was an arrangement. I could take you with me if I made sure you didn’t take on too much.”

I rolled my eyes. “So, he just assumes he can make my decisions for me.”

Branwen gave a chuckle. “Like most men.”

I shrugged and felt my fingernails dig into my palm as the spasm got sharper, the pulsing going to the back of my eyes. I clenched my teeth, hoping I looked like I was upset with Cullen and not about to cry in pain.

“Inquisitor,” Solas called. “We are almost to camp.”

Branwen nodded at him, a small smile on her face. I knew that smile. That was the smile I had when I thought of Cullen. She kept pace with me and I saw the top of the tents in the distance. Thank God for the soldiers stationed here that had camps set up. “Umm..Branwen…,” I began. Branwen’s attention turned to me. “I need a couple minutes to you know,” I lowered my voice. “Woman stuff.”

Branwen blushed slightly and nodded her head in understanding. “Take your time,” she assured me, and shooed me off. I stepped off the path into the forest, dodging behind some trees. My pace was quick as I searched for an area to sit, when suddenly the pain finally won and I sank to my knees.

I held my head, tears building in my eyes. I knew tears would only make the headache worse but I couldn’t help them. Never have I felt a headache this bad. “Kassandra,” a voice whispered.

I quickly opened my eyes, glancing around. There was no one around. Wait…they called me Kassandra. No one here called me that. I slowly tried to stand and felt the pain intensify. “Don’t strain yourself, Kassandra. Sit.”

I got to my feet and spun around, trying to find the voice. I whimpered through the pain. “Who’s there?” I called meekly, my voice sounding like gasps. What was going on?

“Do you not recognize this voice?” The voice did sound familiar and I tried to figure out who it belonged to. “How could you forget me so quickly?”

I closed my eyes, focusing on the voice and I felt chills down my spine. I lost my balance and I fell onto my knees again. This couldn’t be? How? Where was it? “The Fade,” I whispered.

The voice cackled and I scanned the area again. “Impressive,” it hissed. I kept alert, terrified I would see the spider like arm of the demon in the fade. Nightmare, I believe Solas said its name was.

“Where are you?” I asked, my voice shaky.

“You can’t see me. You see, you thought you were so clever, sending me through that portal. Yet, here I am,” Nightmare said in a hushed voice.

Shit, Kassy. What do I do? I had a demon talking to me. An invisible demon. Hold on…how was this happening? He was sent through a portal to a different part of the Fade. God, my brain fucking hurts.

“Kassy!” Dorian called. I glanced behind me toward the direction of his voice.

I swallowed and took a deep breath, the pain in my head receding a little. “Over here,” I called back. I pulled myself up onto a nearby boulder, brushing the dirt from my pants. The spasm happened again and I put a hand to my head.

“Headache?” Dorian asked, his tone concerned. I looked up at him and gave a small smile, before another spasm made me gasp.

“Am I needed?” I questioned, my head throbbing. What the fuck did I do to deserve this headache?

“No,” Dorian replied. “I was worried about you, given earlier circumstances.” He leaned against a tree and crossed his arms. “I don’t have many, but I care about the wellbeing of my friends.”

Awe. Dorian. A warm feeling filled my chest and I smiled at him. “How did you find me?”

Dorian shrugged. “The Inquisitor said you had womanly problems, but we both know that’s a lie.”

“Shouldn’t you be twirling your mustache?”  I teased. I knew it came out half-hearted though and I put my other hand to my head. “Fuck,” I hissed.

“You are just a hassle to travel with,” Nightmare told me. “Eventually, your issues will cause them to leave you behind.”

I glanced up then, looking at Dorian. “Did you hear that?”

Dorian shook his head, concern in his eyes. “Kassy, you’re worrying me.”

“You can’t?” I asked. I heard the fear in my voice. No. No! That means…that means…

“Yes, I am in your head. Thanks to your blood magic,” Nightmare told me.

I felt a tightness in my chest, and my breath became erratic. I felt tears come into my eyes and I felt my head begin to spin. No! No! How could this happen?! How?! Shit! Fuck! Shit, shit, shit! I put a hand to my chest and closed my eyes, my breathing heavier now. What was going on? I felt this overwhelming doom crash on me and I shook my head. The feeling was rapidly getting more daunting. “No,” I gasped.

“Kassy?” Dorian’s voice brought me back to reality and I opened my eyes to find him squatting in front of me. “What’s wrong?”

“He won’t understand if you tell him,” Nightmare told me. “He’ll think you a burden.”

The panic attack increased and I felt tears falling down my cheeks. “Go away,” I hissed. My mind not able to understand anything other than making sure Nightmare knew I was the boss in my mind. I felt the pain in my head recede and I sighed in relief

“I’m not going anywhere when you are like this,” Dorian scolded me. I felt the panic attack reach full scale and I sobbed.

“Can you keep a secret?” I asked him, my words almost understandable through my sobs.

Dorian’s eyes squinted, but he nodded. “Of course.”

I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself. I licked my lips. Alright Kassy. Confession time. “I’m a blood mage.”

Dorian’s eyebrows raised and he tilted his head. “Did you have help, or did you teach yourself? Blood magic shouldn’t be played with.”

I shook my head. “Hawke helped me.”

Dorian glanced at the ground, and I could tell he was a little upset by this. “People can use this kind of magic to try to change who someone is. Make them someone else. You do realize how serious blood magic is? How it’s not to be used lightly and against someone’s will?”

I heard the bitterness in his voice and I forgot his father used blood magic to try to change him. “I won’t ever try making anyone be who they aren’t.”

His grey eyes held my blue ones and he nodded, still not happy with my choice, but I could tell he knew I would never force anyone to change with blood magic. “So, you decided to become a blood mage. I assume you don’t want a certain Commander to know.”

“Yes, but that’s not the secret part. I mean it is a secret but…,” I ran a hand through the hair that came out of my braid. “I messed up. I…I should have asked about consequences from it. I just never thought blood magic bad.”

“And it is not,” Dorian argued. “If done correctly, it’s no different than any other magic.”

I nodded. “I know,” I told him. “But blood magic made a demon-.”

“Enter your mind,” Dorian finished, his eyes wide in horror. “With your unique magic, it’s no wonder a demon would be attracted to the power. I can’t imagine the type of effect your blood magic could have. If it would even behave like the blood magic we know.”

“Dorian, it’s worse than that,” I said quietly. “Remember the monster that I sent through a portal in the Fade?”

Dorian moaned and wiped a hand down his face. “Nightmare,” he confirmed.

“I don’t know how he found me, but he said blood magic was the cause,” I continued. “What do I do Dorian?” My voice was terrified and shaky. I wiped away the tears from my cheeks with the palm of my hand.

“You fight him with will power,” Dorian told me. “For now, until I get my hands on some books that tell me more about this.”

I nodded, trying to remember a situation like this in any of the games. The kid from the first game…what was his name? Connor or something like that? “The warden had to go into the Fade and destroy the demon that took over a boy during the last Blight to get the demon out of him.”

Dorian stared at me in surprised confusion. “Should I ask how you know this?”

“No,” I answered quickly. “I just do. And Dorian, there is no way we are going to defeat this demon.”

Dorian shook his head. “If we think we can defeat Corypheus, then we can defeat Nightmare.”

I gave a halfhearted smile and nodded in understanding. If Dorian says so, then we can. I hope. That would mean we would have to travel to the Fade again. Didn’t Solas say it wasn’t possible? “Cullen will never forgive me for this,” I confessed to Dorian.

“I doubt that,” Dorian argued. “The way that man looks at you.”

I laughed and wiped my face again. “I think you’re seeing things.”

“Not so,” Dorian teased. I saw the sparkle in his eyes and I was glad he was the one to find me. “Though the Commander will be very upset, he’ll find it in his heart to forgive you. And if not, well then, I’m sure Blackwall is a great lover.”

I laughed again, my smile even bigger. “Have I told you recently that you are the best?”

Dorian stood and crossed his arms. “Not recently no.” He smiled and held out a hand. I took it and he pulled me up. “We’ll figure this out,” he told me. “Eventually we’ll have to tell them.”

“I know,” I confessed. “When we get back to Skyhold.”

“When we get back,” Dorian agreed. His smile came to his face and he shook his head. “Now, if you can keep that demon at bay, I think we should go join the others.”

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. I could do this. We would figure out a way to fight this demon. Why, oh, why did I think I had to be a badass blood mage? To prove a point? What if Cullen really did leave me because of this? Wait…don’t let the fear from the demon win. You are strong. Captain King is invincible. I survived it once, I can outsmart it again.

I followed Dorian back to the camp, glad Cole wasn’t here to accidently blurt out my thoughts. No one noticed our return except Solas, who eyed me with question. I gave him a salute and went to throw my stuff down by a tent.

“Everything okay?” Hawke’s voice asked. He was coming out of the tent I threw my supplies by, and I almost felt tempted to blurt everything out to him.

“As okay as it can be,” I told him honestly, slapping a smile on my face to reroute his suspicion. Hawke seemed dubious of my answer.

“Missing Curly?” His hands were on his waist now and he was looking down at me like a parent does a moody toddler.

“Um…not a lot,” I replied. Wait, make him think that is the reason for your weird mood, and not a demon trying to possess you. “Actually, yeah. I miss him very much….so….very much so….so very much.”

Varric stopped as he was passing by, hearing my so eloquent answer. “Wow, prophet. With your vocabulary, you should be writing books.”

I rolled my eyes. “Har, har.” I snatched up my lute and stood up.

Hawke laughed and his eyes lit up with mischief. “Ah, yes. She could call it, ‘In case the bard thing doesn’t turn out’.”

Put these two together and the teasing never ends. I raised my eyebrows at them and put on the “I’m not amused” smile. “For your information, this bard gig will always turn out. Are you not always entertained?”

Varric grinned and crossed his arms across his chest. “I know I always am.” He eyed my lute in my hands and nodded toward it. “You thinking of playing, Prophet?”

“If that is what it takes to stop the teasing, then yes,” I laughed. I made my way to the fire, sitting on a log, finally realizing just how sore my feet were. I stretched them and curled my toes, trying to find relief from the pain.

Everyone seemed to be off, getting ready for our assignment tomorrow. I still had no clue what it was, but we were heading toward the more forested part of the Hinterlands, which meant, most likely we would see bears. I glanced around while strumming quietly, seeing how they really operate in real life at an actual camp.

Branwen was standing over a map with Solas, discussing quicker options to get to our destination. Dorian was buried in a book, his forehead wrinkled in concentration on a nearby rock. Anders was going through his bag, making sure he still had all his medical inventory. Varric and Hawke were still at the tent, laughing with each other and moving their hands very animatedly.

My fingers wanted to start playing chords and for some reason, all I had in my head was Safe and Sound by Taylor Swift. The lute made the song a little more daunting which added to the way I felt about the demon. I guess my mind just decided to find a song to help me get through this.

I saw Anders glance up from his inventory when I began to play and I acted as if no one else was there. Right now, I wasn’t putting on a performance, I was mentally healing. _“I remember tears streaming down your face when I said I wouldn’t let you go. When all those shadows almost killed your light. I remember you said don't leave me here alone, but all that's dead and gone and passed tonight.”_

The chorus seemed to speak to me and how it made me feel better I don’t really understand. I mean, I guess this song could be healing but it was kind of a sad fucking song. Typically, Taylor didn’t speak to me, but I was too grateful for the normalness I was feeling while playing. Dorian made his way over to the fire, admiration in his eyes. His thumb was marking the page in his book, and it seemed so natural to see that, a scholar pausing to observe a show. I was lucky to have him for a friend. Gah! Too mushy. Focus on the song King. I closed my eyes as the ooohs came from my throat and I could feel the emotion rush through me.

“J _ust close your eyes, the sun is going down. You'll be alright, no one can hurt you now. Come morning light, you and I'll be safe and sound.”_ I heard the crack in my voice as I finished out the song. Wow. I was never affected by a song in that way before. Like listening, yes. Playing? No.

“Shit, Prophet,” Varric spoke into the silence. I opened my eyes and saw most of camp looking at me. Some had sadness on their face, other’s wonder, and from a few, pity. I caught Ander’s eyes and his seemed to tell me that he understood exactly how that song made me feel. Of course, he would.

I cleared my throat and set the lute down, signaling the end of my performance. Everyone seemed to get the hint and it was like a spell broke. Most everyone went back to doing their own thing, but I could feel the eyes of my group on me. Dorian was reading again, but he peaked up at me from his book before returning to its content.

“I thought I’d fill you in on tomorrow,” Branwen said to me and I gestured for her to take the seat next to me. She smiled and sat, her legs longer than I remembered. “You sang beautifully by the way.”

I blushed, still not used to accepting compliments. “Thanks,” I responded. I tucked some loose hair behind my ear and leaned my elbows on my knees. “What mission are we doing?”

Branwen got a mischievous grin on her face and she leaned toward me, her weight resting on her hand. “We are trying to help Bianca.”

 Wait…if we were helping Bianca, why were we near the Grand Forest? Shouldn’t we go to the door to the deep roads? We were literally on the opposite side of the map than where we should be. Did Branwen get the wrong location? Focus, Kassy. Okay, Branwen is waiting for a response. Remember Captain King, you don’t know who Bianca is…wait…would I? It could be plausible that Varric told me. Who was I kidding? Varric didn’t like talking about Bianca unless it was his crossbow. I guess we are doing the usual. Play dumb. Why do I refer to myself as we? Stop talking to yourself and answer the Inquisitor woman!

“His crossbow?” I asked, using the confusion already on my face to emphasize it in my voice as well.

Branwen laughed. “I thought for sure someone would have told you about it. After all, Skyhold loves gossip.” She seemed to sigh at that last part. Apparently she was tired of the gossip already. “She’s a friend of Varric…but I suspect more to the story.”

“Hmmm,” I played along, trying to act as if this wasn’t already something I knew. “Is she hiding somewhere in the forest out here?” Lame, Kass. However, maybe she’ll take the bait and help me figure out why the fuck we are in the Grand Forest.

“No,” Branwen replied, sitting straight now. “We are looking for a key that opens the door to the deep roads. According to a note we found, it’s here somewhere.”

“The Mercenary Fortress,” I replied without thinking. I mentally swore and kicked myself. Branwen’s eyes were wide.

“You really do know everything, don’t you?” She turned herself toward me, throwing a leg over the log. “When are you going to tell me how you know all this? How do you obtain all this knowledge?”

Seriously? I tried to think of something but nothing came up to tell her. Come on King. Think of something! Anything! “We have a deal,” I decided on. It was true.

Branwen sighed and put a hand to her still perfectly intact intricate hairstyle. “You’re right. Of course.”

I nodded, feeling a little bad that I couldn’t share this information with her. I should give her as much information as I could remember on the key.  “Did you want any advice on the fortress?”

She studied me, her eyes never leaving my face. I didn’t blink, letting her know that I had nothing to hide, but adamant in my decision to keep them being a video game a secret. Bring it on, Inquisitor. “Do you know the location of the key once we are inside the fortress? It isn’t in some demon is it? I feel like everything I need to get lately is from the remains of darkspawn.”

I guess I never thought about that. All the things I needed for potions, were collected from demons. I shook my head. “Sitting on a table on a balcony. However, there is a tough dude guarding the room, so that will be fun.”

She rolled her eyes. “Thieves seem to be everywhere. I am seriously tired of them.” I noticed her eyeing my stomach. “I don’t want you doing any of the fighting. Understand?”

“Roger,” I answered, annoyed that Cullen had babysitters for me. I am so finding a bear and bringing it back now.

“Who?” She asked, looking around. I contained a laugh, knowing that she would think I was making fun of her.

“It means got it,” I explained. I seriously need to remember the lingo here. I glanced over at the tent where my staff and bag was. I should probably put those in a tent.

“I’m making you leader once we get to the fortress. I suppose navigator is the more correct term,” Branwen informed me. I felt surprise that she wanted me to be a bigger part in the quest.

“ _It’s only because she doesn’t know who you truly are,”_ Nightmare taunted. No. No! Don’t even answer him. Ignore him. If you even have a hint of belief in what he’s saying then I am screwed. Be stronger than Nightmare. “ _I am Captain King, Nightmare, and I am a force to be reckoned with.”_ I felt my fingers automatically grab my necklace.

“Sounds like a plan, Stan,” I said, coming out of my mental conversation. Seriously, that was one of the worst sayings you could have chosen. No. The worst is “cool Mcgruel”, a personal favorite of my father. “I mean, sounds good.”

Branwen laughed and she slowly stood up, amusement on her face. “I hope your sayings catch on at Skyhold. It would certainly be more entertaining there.”

“More entertaining than war meetings and public executions? Never,” I responded with a grin. I felt the ache in my feet again and I stretched them again. I didn’t realize how tired my body was. My brain was. “Which tent is mine?”

Branwen nodded toward a tent to her left, a couple down from where my things were. “Dorian claimed you as his tent mate, so you’ll be sleeping with him.” I glanced over at Dorian, who was still immersed in his reading. “Don’t worry. He’ll only read you boring facts from his books while you sleep, claiming it makes you know the knowledge subconsciously.” She winked at me before saying a quick goodnight and heading back to her map.

I was relieved Dorian was my tent buddy. That way, if any weirder shit happens, he can help stop it. Me and my stupid wanting to show off with being a bad ass! Well, technically, isn’t it the rift’s fault that I’m in this situation. What did I do to make you angry gods!?

Are you done with your pity party? I asked myself. Yes. Yes, I am. With a groan, I reached over and grabbed my lute, using it to help me push myself up. My thighs yelled at me in anger. Chill thighs. We have a lot of walking to do yet. Even though we did that stupid quest to get the horses for the Inquisition. Well, I hope they did that mission. I mean task…what do they call the quests here?

I walked, rather grandmotherly, to my pile of stuff. I glanced down at it, debating if I truly cared if anything gets stolen from it. Was it worth squatting to pick it up? Before I could decide if I wanted to truly feel the burn, a hand reached down and handed me my bag. Ander’s face had a small smile as he held my bag out to me. “Thank you,” I said surprised.

Anders shrugged his shoulders, leaning on a leg. “You seemed to be debating bending down or not, so I thought I’d give a little help.” He leaned to his right, grabbing the staff and handing it to me. “So you decided to go with blood magic.”

I glanced over at him, after putting the staff on my back. “Hawke tell you?” The man told me not to tell anyone.

He shook his head. “No, the staff. I’ve seen enough blood magic to know if a staff contains it.” His arms crossed over his chest and he took a step toward me, making me instinctively take a step away. “I can tell in someone’s eyes if they hear others as I do.” I blinked and glanced up at his brown eyes. They seemed to peer into my mind, as if he can see Nightmare standing there, banging against my pupils. “Control is your only option.”

I nodded, already knowing this. For once, just once, I wish Dragon Age had a demon that could be defeated with an act of true love, like Frozen or any fucking Disney movie. Life here would be so much easier and everyone would be looking for their true loves so they can defeat a demon, and the only way to defeat Corypheus is to have two true soulmates do a passionate make out session. That sounds fun, right? Love conquers all!

“I’ll make sure to do that,” I assured him. I ran a hand through the escaped hair and wished for an actual shower with my coconut shampoo and conditioner and Bath and Body Works body wash. To smell like a girl again would be glorious. “I’m pretty beat, so I’m going to bed.”

Anders smiled, pulling out my drawing from his pocket. “We’ll see you in the morning,” he said with a smile, his eyes crinkling on the edge. So, Anders was once upon a time a funny dude…well…he still could be. Then again, he did go through some serious shit.

A;lkjdfklajsdklfj

“Look, I’m just saying, if you wanted ‘beauty sleep’, you should have stayed at Skyhold,” I told Dorian as we tracked through the Great Forest. I didn’t hear him come to the tent, but I knew he was up late reading. I knew how only a couple hours of rest makes you feel even more tired, but it’s worth it for a good read.

“For your information, I don’t need beauty sleep. I’m this attractive naturally. Also, I had to watch your ass.” He raised his eyebrows at me and I fumed inside.

“The Commander is going to hear a few choice words when we get back,” I told Dorian. He snickered and his outfit flashed in the sunlight. “Also, your wardrobe attire keeps almost blinding me.”

“Good. It’s one of my defense techniques,” he said with not a hint of sarcasm. I gave him a, I’m not buying it look, and he just gave me that tilted smirk. “I’ve had worse defense techniques.”

Our conversation was cut short by the sound of a fight up ahead. I forgot that the Grand Forest is full of awesome bandits and the like. Dorian and I ran to catch up to the others, not realizing how far we dragged behind during our conversation.

A couple thieves laid on the ground and the other five were going against a bear. I froze, terrified. The bears were bigger than in the game. Dorian had his staff out as soon as we were in view of the bear. He was helping and here I was, frozen. Move, my mind told me. You defeated giant spiders but you are terrified of this bear?

It wasn’t the bear though. It was the fact that these bears never came as just one in this forest. Oh no, there were always more, and from the direction you wouldn’t expect. I glanced around, knowing that I really wasn’t truly needed to defeat the bear. Besides, Branwen told me no combat.

I didn’t see any signs of a bear army, and I heard Hawke call out that it was dead. I turned my attention back to them and the dead bear. That’s some nice fur. What if I made a cool mantle like Cullen’s. In a dark blue maybe…with some tall black boots. I should have Leliana pick some out for me. When I get the gold. Do we get gold? How do I get gold? For tall black boots? Obviously, my money issues haven’t changed.

I followed Dorian to the others, Varric and Branwen looting the body of the thieves. “Should we take the fur?” Varric asked Branwen, motioning to the bear with his head.

She glanced over at it and shook her head. “Not unless you have something you want to make with it,” she told him. “I just want to grab the key and go. Josephine made it very clear that we have to be back in time to travel to The Winter Palace.”

Varric raised his eyebrows at her and chuckled. “Since when was Josephine in charge of the Inquisition?”

“Not the Inquisition, just our time schedule. I messed up not getting to Redcliffe on time last time, so I’m trying to actually not get to sidetracked with other missions,” she answered, putting the items she found in her bag. “Besides, we have a lot of bear fur at Skyhold.”

She led the way and we all followed like her little ducks, Solas of course taking lead duck. They were lucky they got to travel together. Sleep in tents together. Do couple things on journeys together. I thought about the bear fur and what material I would use to make the cloth part of my mantle robe thing. Maybe royal silk? Or highweaver? Wait…which one was the dark blue again? I wanted that one…I just had the name at the tip of my tongue and now it’s not even in my brain. What was it? God this was going to bug me.

I ran into Hawke in my thoughts, not realizing how far we walked. I literally just dream walked for who knows how long, putting together an outfit and figuring out the name of a dumb fabric. “Sorry,” I mumbled, taking a few paces back. Hawke turned around at the impact and gave me a quick smile.

I peered around his shoulder, figuring out why we stopped. The fortress was coming up, and Solas and Branwen were assessing the situation. Ooh. It’s my cue! “Excuse me,” I said, sliding between Hawke and Varric. I strutted toward the couple, purposefully trying to eavesdrop before letting them know my presence.

“Are you positive she knows for certain it’s here?” Solas asked. “It could have been moved.”

Branwen glared at Solas. “We discussed this. After the Fade, I am never not trusting her again. If she says it’s here, it will be.”

In your face wolf. I had a love hate relationship for Solas. “It is,” I confirmed, making them both jump.

“Captain, I didn’t realize you were there,” Branwen said, turning toward me. “Doesn’t look like much defense but we can never be too certain. Are you ready?”

I nodded, my gaze on Solas as I answered. “I was born ready.” His grey eyes held mine and I knew a challenge was made. I would find this key and prove to Solas that I’m legit. That he should listen to me. That his Dread Wolf plan wasn’t going to work well for him.

Branwen whistled for the rest of the party and they headed for us. I made sure I had everything securely on me before leading the way toward the fortress. The hill was rather steep and the burn in my thighs was very loud. Well, my thighs will be shapely after this. Definitely toning up with this Dragon Age World workout. Someone should have thought of that back home.

I didn’t look back at the others as we approached the fortress. If I remembered correctly, there would be some thieves at the entrance. Being ready for an attack, I reached a hand behind me to grab my staff, but there were no demons or thieves once we reached it.  Interesting. This was different. Still cautious, I kept an eye out, heading toward the stairs.

I didn’t pay attention to the details around me, knowing I would get distracted with the way some parts crumbled or had plants growing on it. Instead I led them to the second floor where the leader would be. Seriously, where were all the people? There was a dude that dropped a belt before that guarded the room. Where was he?

Branwen was by my side as I stopped at the archway of the room. “Grab the key,” she ordered. “We’ll keep watch.”

I took a deep breath, praying that the key was there. If the dude wasn’t here, the key might not be as well. I ran toward the balcony, careful to keep an eye out for anyone. There on the table was the heavy key. “Thank you, God!” I quickly grabbed it, gripping it as I jogged over to Branwen, handing her the key. “Let’s go before he finds out we are here,” I told her, heading toward the exit.

She gestured for the others to follow. I noticed Solas staring at the key in Branwen’s hand in disbelief. That’s right, Solas. I know what I’m talking about…mostly. I hurried toward the stairway, almost slipping when the heel to my boot began to come off. Damn! These were my favorite!

We got to the open area and Branwen threw the key in the air and caught it in her hand with a smile. “Well done, Captain.” She put the key in her bag and looked over at Varric. “Seems like we will be able to help Bianca after all. After the ball though. She’s welcome at Skyhold for as long as she cares to stay.”

Varric gave his usual smile and adjusted Bianca on his back. “Glad to hear it.” I could tell that everyone was trying to see if he had any reaction to Bianca’s name. Of course, he had none besides his usual attitude.

“Not that this adventure through a creepy abandoned fort wasn’t fun, but please tell me that wasn’t the only reason we traveled out here,” Dorian said, addressing Branwen.

Branwen put her hands on her hips. “I thought it would take longer to locate the key. Luckily, we got Captain over there, that made this process a whole lot faster. I think we should head back to Skyhold and figure out what exactly we are going to find in Valammar.”

“Which means having a conversation with Bianca about everything she knows,” Hawke thought out loud. “Deep Roads and I are old friends.”

Varric half laughed, half coughed and shook his head. I’m sure if I played Dragon Age II I would understand what they were talking about. I saw the smirk on Anders face and figured he must know the meaning behind this too.

“Alright team,” Branwen called to us, none of us realizing she was walking away. “Let’s head back to Skyhold.”

“Shortest trip ever,” Dorian mumbled to me. I giggled, and bumped into him.

“Look at the bright side, we got some quality bonding time in. Aaaand, we get to design a hella awesome surprise for a certain Commander,” I said with a wiggle of my eyebrows.

Dorian’s eyebrows wiggled back and he looped my arm through his. “Is this for him or _for him_?”

I blushed and bit my lower lip. “I didn’t think about doing it _for him_ until you said it,” I admitted. “But, we’ll see if he wants it _for him_ after I tell him about Nightmare.”

“Nightmare?” Solas asked from behind us. I jumped in surprise, not realizing anyone was behind us. I figured he was up with Branwen like usual. His eyes narrowed on me. “What about Nightmare?”

My mind went blank for an answer and I struggled to find words. My eyes went to Dorian in panic, hoping he’d help me out. “He might be able to help,” Dorian told me, guilt in his eyes. “He knows the Fade better than I do.”

I ran a hand through my hair, panic in my chest. So long for waiting to tell anyone until Skyhold. I let go of Dorian’s arm and turned to face Solas, all of us stopping. I glanced behind me to make sure the others were far enough ahead not to hear.

“Hawke helped me become a blood mage, and because I did that, somehow Nightmare is…here,” I explained pointing to my mind. “And he’s strong.”

Solas’ expression didn’t change, and I kind of admired how he could stay so collected hearing this type of information. My face was an open book. “You’re a blood mage?” I nodded. “And Nightmare said he found you because of the blood magic?”

“Yes,” I confirmed, looking behind my shoulder to see if we were getting too far behind. “And the only way the hero could kill a demon in a boy’s head in Redcliffe, was by entering the Fade and killing the demon.”

Solas seemed impressed I knew this knowledge and he nodded in understanding. “Yes, that is typically the only way to get rid of one.” He kept his eyes on me while he thought, and I swear I saw the light reflect off his head. “The rift you sent it through, somehow the magic connected it to the rift in you. That’s how he found you.”

I felt myself growing frustrated. “So, I have no way of truly getting him out?”

Solas slowly shook his head. “No. There is a way. I will find one once we are back at Skyhold. Right now, we need to catch up with the others.”

Solas brushed past Dorian and I, looking like Jack Skellington walking up his graveyard hill. “Not as helpful as I thought, but he might find an answer,” Dorian spoke, breaking the silence.

The walk to camp was faster than the walk to the fortress, which I was grateful for. Dorian and I threw our belongings in our tent and headed over to the fire for food. I grabbed a plate from a soldier stirring a pot, thanking him before going to sit on a boulder near Varric.

“Captain, a word,” Branwen called from the other side of camp. I glanced down at my plate of food, and shrugged my shoulders, opting to bring it with me. I crossed the camp toward Branwen, wanting to eat, but knowing I’d spill food on me if I tried to while walking.

“Inquisitor?” I asked, stopping in front of her. She grabbed my plate from my hands, placing it on a rock near us. I felt a little disappointed, like a toddler that had a piece of candy in their hand, but had it taken away. I was starving.

“Let’s go someplace more private,” she told me. She led me through the trees, well out of earshot distance. Branwen turned to me, crossing her arms. “Solas told me.”

Fucking elf. I should have known he was going to fucking tell Branwen. I was in trouble. I was either going to get punished for blood magic or the demon. Probably both. “I didn’t realize how frowned upon blood magic was unti-.”

Branwen held up her hand. “I don’t care that you’re a blood mage. If done correctly, they can be useful. As Hawke has told me, don’t let the balance be off. I’m more concerned about Nightmare. Not for me though. For you.”

I ran a hand down my face. “Wait,” I sighed, trying to process this. “You aren’t upset that I didn’t tell you?”

Branwen tilted her head as she evaluated me. “We all have secrets we need to keep. This one though can’t be secret. You need the Inquisition’s help to get rid of Nightmare.” She licked her lips and put a hand on my arm. I glanced down at it and back at her. “You were the one that saved us from Nightmare. You were the one that made the sacrifice. Let us help you.”

I had so many thoughts and emotions flying through my head. I would have to tell Cullen. It would have to be the first thing I did when I got back. What if I refused the Inquisition’s help? I felt tears in my eyes and I blinked them away. “Do I get a choice in this?”

Branwen shook her head. “No,” she answered. Her eyes filled with pity and I hated that look. I wasn’t one to be pitied. “As part of the Inquisition, we need to address it. As soon as we get back to Skyhold.”

I felt the panic in my chest. He couldn’t find out in a war meeting. No. I glanced down at the ground, knowing the return to Skyhold was going to be hard. My eyes flickered up to her face and I nodded. “Alright,” I began. “But please, let me tell Cullen before you say anything.”

She thought about my request for a moment, before nodding. “One day. After that, I’m going to have to tell the War Council.”

“Thank you,” I whispered, suddenly not hungry anymore.

Branwen rubbed my arm and threw her arm around my shoulder. “Let’s get you back to camp and see if Varric has some ale. You look like you could use some.”

Maker’s Breath! I definitely could use some.

 

 


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**I do not own any characters. They all belong to Bioware. Ahhh, Bioware. Thank you for all the comments and follows! I truly appreciate it a lot! Special shout out to my beta reader Eruya and to those who gave song suggestions! I will use them in my future chapters. If you have any suggestions, don’t be afraid to give me a shout out! Kassy would love to play them for you! :)** **I hope you enjoy this chapter! Rated M for language and lemons! (Yes, there are lemons!)**

**Chapter 15**

I remembered how I felt when I was being escorted into Skyhold. The feeling that I would be automatically beheaded. The fear that I wouldn’t get anyone to believe that I wasn’t working for Corypheus. The bone gnawing worrying that I might never see my family again. I now know that those were not as bad as waiting to tell someone news that could shake their opinion of you. How they view you. Captain King, this isn’t going to be pleasant.

Branwen decided to take a different route home, adding two days to the journey. Dorian guessed that she was scouting troops for the Inquisition. I just thought she wanted to delay having to be a leader. I don’t blame her. I wouldn’t be able to do her job. I mean I did it with the game, but I had do-overs when I knew I fucked up. You don’t get save points in real life.

Every step closer to Skyhold, the anxiety and aching grew in my chest grew. Dorian claims that Cullen would understand. I feel differently. I feel that he would feel that I betrayed him. That I should have told him the day I did blood magic. Way to go and be a mage Kassy!

It didn’t help that Nightmare decided that if he couldn’t take me over, then he would warp my dreams. So, that was fun. The last few nights have been hell. I haven’t conversed with him lately, but he keeps trying to sneak his way through.

I took a deep breath and gazed at the bridge that led to Skyhold. All of us stood at the edge of the bridge, composing ourselves before heading back to the life of the Inquisition. I glanced over at Branwen, who had her head held back toward the sky, breathing in a deep breath. She was so Dalish. She opened her eyes and straightened her shoulders, her chin up high. There’s the Inquisitor. None of us looked fantastic, dirty and grubby from the travel. Especially our pants. The rain from a couple days ago left crusty mud on our pants and boots. I knew I would want a bath as soon as we get in.

The Inquisitor moved then, her walk strong and long down the bridge. Time to face the music. I had been practicing my speech to Cullen in my head for the past five days. Halfway across the bridge, that speech disappeared and I couldn’t remember a single thing that I wanted to say except “I’m sorry”. Dorian was beside me as we approached the gate and he gave me a small wink. “Everything will be okay,” he said in a low voice so only I could hear.

I took another deep breath, nodding in reply. Even if things didn’t go well with Cullen, I was glad I would always have Dorian. Hopefully. When we got through the gate, the group stood still, feeling the mood of Skyhold. Anders, Hawke, and Varric headed toward Herald’s Rest. Typical. They needed ale. Anders haven’t told Hawke about Nightmare and I was grateful for that.

I didn’t see Solas leave, but he must have gone to his study. Dorian, Branwen, and I glanced at each other. Branwen sighed and glanced between the last two of her crew. “Dorian, after you get cleaned up, meet me in my chamber? I have a favor to ask of you.” Her attention turned to me. Her pale blue eyes filled with understanding. “Tomorrow morning will be the war meeting. I would like to have you there. You have until then.”

“Of course, Inquisitor,” I replied. My mind thought Cullen and my focus went to Cullen’s office. I wonder if he saw I was back. Dorian put a hand on my shoulder, breaking my focus.

“Might as well get it over with.” He patted my shoulder, before heading toward the entrance of Skyhold. I sighed. This was going to be fun.

I gathered myself and made my way to the stairs toward my room. You can do this Captain King. You can do this. The stairs seemed longer than usual, and I was almost convinced they will never end. The last stair seemed to taunt me, knowing that once I took it, I would have to open that door and talk to Cullen. Or….I told myself…you could bathe and then talk to Cullen. I knew that I couldn’t do that. Even though I didn’t want to have to tell him about Nightmare, I missed him like crazy. It’s funny how a couple weeks apart can make someone feel for another person. How it can help you truly understand how you truly feel for them. I loved him.

I decided I needed to at least drop my things off in my room, but once I got on the rampart, I saw that his door was open a crack. His voice drifted out, and I was surprised that his voice didn’t distract me before. I felt my chest swell with emotion and I knew I wasn’t going to my room first. I needed to see him.

Not caring if I was interrupting his work, I pushed open his door the rest of the way slowly. Cullen was bending over his desk, staring at a map, and giving commands to Jim. His hair was rough and I could see he didn’t shave for a couple days. “Let me know as soon as they get word from him. I want to beat him at his game before he makes another move. Also tell-.” The door creaked as I finished opening it and Cullen glanced up annoyed. “It will have to wait until-.”

His attitude turned around as he realized it was me. He straightened from his desk and his heart breaking half smile formed. He turned back to Jim, his eyes flickering back to me for a moment. “We will finish this tomorrow,” he said in his Commander voice, making it clear that Jim was excused.

“Of course, Commander,” Jim replied, giving a knowing look at the two of us. He left Cullen’s office, pulling the door closed behind him. Cullen didn’t hesitate as soon as the door was shut, striding toward me and capturing me in a hug.

“Two weeks,” he said softly. I gripped his fur closer to me and breathed in his scent. I missed his scent. I missed his arms. I missed him.

“I know,” I told him. I kept my face in his chest, even though the armor was uncomfortable. I suddenly realized I probably smelled horrible. “Sorry, I smell.”

I felt his chuckle vibrate on his chest and a hand went to my hair. I felt him kiss the top of my head. “Wasn’t even a thought.”

I knew that I would have to tell him now before I couldn’t. As much as I didn’t want this moment to end. I pulled away, glancing up at him and he smiled at me. He leaned down and captured my lips in his. His kiss was needy and I responded, my hands going to his face. I let myself enjoy this moment. This one kiss before telling him I was a blood mage.

We broke the kiss at the same time and I put a hand to his chest. “Listen, Cullen,” I started to say, glancing down at my hand.

Cullen put a hand under my chin, lifting it up, concern on his face. “I know that tone.”

I took a step back and my hand fell to my side. He was confused by that, his face showing that he was trying to understand what was happening. I licked my lips out of anxiousness and my hands went to fists to keep them still. There was a sharp pang in my head and I focused on keeping Nightmare out of this issue. I focused on Cullen’s whiskey eyes that were taking in my body posture, trying to put pieces together. “There is something you need to know,” I began, my voice a little shaken. His arms crossed now, and I could see the concern changing to Commander mode. Awesome. “I know you won’t like it, and I know you will probably hate me for it.”

Cullen shook his head, and he took a step toward me. “I could never hate you,” he assured me. I held a of hand out to stop him from trying to touch me. I couldn’t think when he touched me.

I slowly shook my head and held his gaze. “I’m a blood mage.” My voice was strong when I said this and I realized I wasn’t ashamed or angry that I decided to be a blood mage. The last few days had me realizing that Nightmare would have found a way to be there anyhow. Or maybe he was there and I didn’t know that he could communicate with me before the blood mage thing.

Cullen froze. His face fell and he was Commander. His hand went through his hair and landed on the base of his neck. His eyes went cold and I knew that this would be his reaction. That so many bad memories happened to him from blood magic. I knew his stance on it from the fight we had a couple weeks ago. His voice was dark when he spoke. “When?”

I knew I had to tell him the truth. This would probably be worse than actually becoming one; me not telling him sooner. “The day before I left.”

Cullen’s jaw tightened and he ran a hand down his face. “Maker’s breath, Kassy! You lied to me about it.”

“Do you blame me based on your reaction?” I asked. I stepped forward. “I wanted to tell you Cullen, but you made it clear that anyone who was a blood mage was dead to you.” I took a deep breath, shrugging my shoulders. “I didn’t lie, I just delayed the truth.”

Cullen laughed, rolling his eyes. Okay, that was the wrong answer apparently. “Delaying the truth? No.” He took another step closer, his every movement intimidating. “You knew what happened in the circle and you still became one.” His voice was Commander mode, deep and threatening.

“It can do good too,” I argued, passion in my voice. I took a step forward as well, our distance getting closer. “You’ve only seen the bad side of blood magic.” I felt a hair fall from my braid and land on my cheek, but I wasn’t going to brush it away. Cullen started to turn away toward his collection of books. I sighed internally, knowing that my words were probably wasted on his ears. “I could do good things with this Cullen. I have a feeling I can.”

Cullen’s fist slammed on the bookshelf near him and he leaned his forehead against it, closing his eyes. “They all feel that way in the beginning, but it ends up with pain and chaos.” He turned his head to look at me, his eyes shone with hurt and frustration. “I thought you were different. It turns out that you are exactly what-.” He faced the bookshelf again, taking a deep breath. “Leave before I speak words I can’t take back.”

I stared at him speechless. Exactly what? So, there was no more discussion? So, this was the end of us? No way. Exactly what?! “No.” I stood my ground, not letting my stance break.

Cullen glanced up at me, his response almost a growl. “What?” I knew he wasn’t used to people not following his orders, but I was getting pissed off. I understood the anger, but based on our last conversation, didn’t he suspect me doing this.

I stepped toward him, throwing down my bag, lute, and staff. I shut the door behind me firmly and I leaned against it. “No,” I repeated. “I made a decision that you don’t agree with, but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong.”

Cullen went to his desk with anger, leaning over the map again, his hands in fists and his eyes not truly focusing on it. The room was quiet for a couple minutes, his attention on the map. I let my cloak fall off my shoulders and I slumped to the floor, my feet exhausted from the journey. Who knew how long until he talked, but I wasn’t going anywhere until we did.  I leaned my head against the door, letting my body take a break. The tension in the room was high and I knew that if we didn’t talk about this now, it would get worse after the war council meeting. “You know how dangerous it is and you did it anyhow,” he stated, his voice low and harsh.

“I knew that it seemed right for me to do it. That I could do something good with it,” I explained, feeling as if I was repeating myself. “It hasn’t changed my beliefs or my wanting to help the Inquisition.”

“You once asked what I would do if you became a blood mage,” his voice was softer and his hands uncurled. “Until this moment I never truly thought it would be something I had to worry about. I never truly thought it could be a reality and I was determined that my feelings for you could never change.” His palms were flat on his desk and he was still staring at his map.

I felt an ache in my chest with his answer. I swallowed hard, thinking of words to say to him to prove I’m still me. “I haven’t changed, Cullen,” I began, my voice soft. “I’m still the same girl from the night before I left. I won’t change from her. No matter what magic I perform.”

His head turned toward me and I held his gaze, hoping he could see I was being genuine. “There’s something else you haven’t told me, isn’t there?”

How did he know? It was my face. I could never hide my emotions well. Way to go Kass. I nodded, knowing that eventually I would have to tell him tonight. “Remember Nightmare from the Fade?” Cullen nodded, his posture changing. He leaned a hip against his desk, arms crossed, and his right leg in front of his left. “Somehow, he figured out how to use the rift I created to get into me.” I tapped my head, indicating where he was exactly.

Cullen went still and I knew he was very upset about this. His voice was hard again when he spoke. “Because of the blood magic.”

“Yeah,” I answered. Drawing my knees up, feeling like a kid being disciplined by a teacher for cheating. _Look at how he is looking at you. In disgust. You did this to yourself. You caused your own pain. Do you like breaking hearts for your own selfish wants?_ Nightmare asked. Not now! I heard Cullen’s voice talking, but I couldn’t understand the words he was saying. My focus was going in and out and the pangs in my head started pounding, echoing my heartbeat in my ears. I closed my eyes and put my hands to my head, leaning my elbow on my thighs.

 _Not only did you break his trust, but you broke his heart. You broke his friendship. You broke something that people only find once in a lifetime. Was it worth it? Was being a bad ass and proving blood magic isn’t evil worth the loss?_ I felt my breathing get heavier. “Go away,” I hissed. I heard Cullen say my name somewhere in the distance.

 _He can’t even look at you the same anymore. It is gone. But I will never be gone. I am here to stay. I will never go away._ Nightmare kept going, trying to get a reaction from me, and God damnit, it was working. “Enough,” I said through my teeth. The pain intensified and I gasped with the pain, my hands turning into fists.

 _If only you listened. If only you didn’t act on whatever your mind jumped too. If only you were prettier. Better with a sword. Less of a liar. If only you didn’t try to prove a point and touch the rift. You’d still be with your family. You can only bring pain to those around you. Might as well let the man go. You’re tainted now. We’re tainted now._ Nightmare growled.

“I said ENOUGH!” I shouted, and I fought through the pain to push him away. My anger helped me make him return to the silence. The pain disappeared and my body sagged, exhausted mentally. I didn’t know I had cried during the conversation, but my cheeks were wet. I took in a shaky breath, calming my nerves, feeling only a slight headache. I felt a hand on my shoulder and I jumped, gasping, not completely aware of my surroundings yet.

I glanced up at Cullen, remembering that I was here in his office. That confrontation with Nightmare seemed like a different place. My chest was still heaving and he was looking at me in concern.  “Kassy?” He asked softly, adjusting himself to sit next to me.

I couldn’t talk, my brain still recovering from Nightmare takeover. I just stared at him, terrified. He saw it happen. He saw Nightmare in work. Somehow Nightmare got through and used it to his advantage. My right hand was still in a fist from the pain and I slowly undid it, seeing blood in my palm from my nails. I felt relief that Nightmare was gone but now I was mentally done. I felt drained and all I wanted to do was cry.

I took a mental breath. I pushed past the mental exhaustion, knowing I had a task to finish. “I’m sorry that you feel I betrayed you, or hurt you in some way. It wasn’t my intention. As you can see, you were right. I did end up with a demon.” I finished wiping the tears from my face and tucked my hair behind my ear. “Nothing changes that I’m a blood mage, and that feels right to me.” I stood up, having an overwhelming feeling to be alone right now. I started gathering my things.

“Kassy,” he began, his amber eyes staring at me with frustration as he stood. “What I witnessed. How often does it happen?”

I stopped collecting my stuff, my cloak hanging from my arm. I turned toward him. “The talking happens once in a while, but it only got to be like what you saw one other time. The first time. I was doing a pretty good job at making my will be more than his.” I glanced down at my palm that had blood on it. “Until now.”

“Does the Inquisitor know?” Cullen asked, and I saw him slipping back into Commander mode. Of course, he would be worried that me and my demon would hurt the Inquisition.

I felt like rolling my eyes. Always the Commander. “Yes, Commander. She’s having a meeting about it in the morning.” I adjusted the cloak on my arm, leaning on my right leg.

Cullen’s forehead furrowed. “She’s waiting that long?” Did he think I was that big of a threat? Did we reverse backwards and I was going to be tried in front of the Inquisitor?

“She gave me the night to tell you,” I admitted, my head hurting from my Nightmare encounter. My blue eyes caught his whiskey ones. “I didn’t want you finding out in a war meeting.”

Cullen crossed his arms and his face went back to anger. “If the Inquisitor didn’t find out, how long were you going to wait before you told me?”

“Today,” I said honestly. Anger was going to be his attitude toward me for a while. I guess I should have saw this coming. “I would have told you today as soon as I got home. I didn’t want that kind of secret between us.”

Cullen’s expression was unreadable. His Commander face, I called it. He went to his desk and grabbed a paper, wrinkling it in his hand. He headed toward the door toward the Main hall. “I have matters to attend to, if you’ll excuse me.”

I watched him leave, flinching as the door slammed shut, not quite sure where we were after that conversation. I gathered the rest of my stuff and headed back to my room, wanting to just take a bath and sleep. My bed looked amazing when I got in and I was half tempted to just fall onto it then, but I knew it would be even better when I was bathed.

I went to my trunk, gathering some clothing for my bath. So far, I learned that Cullen doesn’t completely hate me and Nightmare is a bastard. I threw off my belt and corset, knowing I wouldn’t be wearing them tonight anyhow. I scooped up my clothes, hurrying out of my room and down the stairs. My body was stiff from sitting on the stone ground and I felt them protest as I slowly walked down the stairs. My mind kept replaying the conversation I had with Cullen as I walked and I knew it would be on repeat all night.

I glanced up at the sky, wondering what time it was. It looked to be mid evening, about 7 or 8. That means I was with Cullen for about an hour. I went to my usual bathing area, excited about getting clean. I threw my clothes nearby, and quickly undressed before stepping into the water. I sat, soaking my body in the water. It felt amazing.

An hour went by and I knew I wouldn’t have the energy to get back up to my room if I didn’t hurry and wash. I washed my hair twice, knowing it needed it and scrubbed my body until it hurt. I don’t think I ever went so long without having a proper wash. I would have to figure out a way to get scents like these before going on the next adventure.

I quickly dressed, grabbing my boots and clothes, opting to walk barefoot to my room. These boots needed serious cleaning. As I walked, I realized that no one was really out and about. Which was odd for this time at Skyhold. I heard a roar of laughter and cheering and saw that the tavern was full, probably listening to stories Varric made up about our mission. I smiled to myself, wanting to join in, but not wanting to be around so many people.

I wondered if Cullen was in there, and my smile disappeared. Maybe it was better that he was mad at me. That he stayed away from me and my demon. I started up the stairs, my mind not taking a break from Cullen. I mean, I am pretty sure he’ll find a way to get over it, but what if he doesn’t? I needed a phone to call Sadie! I needed my sister.

I threw my clothes on my floor when I got to my room and picked up my comb, running it through my hair. I glanced around this room, not really thinking about it being my room until now. This is your permanent home. I should really make it more me…somehow. I saw the lavender I had found and let dry so I could use it to help make the room smell nice. I set my comb down, picking up the dry lavender and inhaled it, happy for the peacefulness it filled me with.

Placing the lavender down, I glanced over at my bed, ready for something soft. I picked up my staff and bag, placing them by the chair in the corner. Sitting softly on the bed, I sighed in relief. This felt so nice. I needed this. The cheering from the tavern was loud, and I was surprised I could hear it here. Cullen.

I placed a pillow behind my back and grabbed my lute, hoping that the music would help me not drift into overthinking the situation. I remembered a favorite that I used to sing all the time, Demons by Imagine Dragons.

 _“When the days are cold, and the cards all fold, and the saints we see are all made of gold. When your dreams all fail and the ones we hail are the worst of all, and the blood’s run stale. I wanna hide the truth. I wanna shelter you, but with the beast inside, there’s nowhere we can hide.”_ I couldn’t tell how loud I was singing or if I was even on key. Right now, I wasn’t giving a performance, I was healing and that meant not trying to be perfect. As I sang, my mind relaxed and my body became less tense, helping me to remember the song and chords.

“ _Curtain’s call is the last of all. When the lights fade out, all the sinners crawl. So, they dug your grave, and the masquerade will come calling out at the mess you've made.”_ I felt an emotion building in my chest at those particular words and I couldn’t explain what I felt. Desperation? Hope? Love? I didn’t quite know. Maybe a combination of all three. I just knew as I got closer to the end of the song, the feeling grew. _“They say it's what you make, I say it's up to fate. It's woven in my soul, I need to let you go. Your eyes, they shine so bright, I wanna save that light. I can't escape this now, unless you show me how. When you feel my heat, look into my eyes. It’s where my demons hide. It’s where my demons hide.  Don’t get too close, it’s dark inside. It’s where my demons hide. It’s where my demons hide.”_

I was breathing hard when I finished and the feeling in my chest exploded, making the need to cry unbearable. I set my lute on the ground, and tried to fight the urge to cry. Air. Fresh air was what I needed. I rushed to the nearest door and pulled it open, hurrying to the rampart, not surprised to see it was dark out now.

Leaning on the rampart, I breathed in the fresh air, filling my lungs until they burned. I leaned onto my forearms, gazing at the mountains. Absent mindedly, I grabbed my necklace, rolling it between my fingers. I glanced up at the stars and sighed. “La vie en rose my ass,” I muttered. I pushed myself away from the wall, heading back to my room, glad that the door I went out of didn’t lead to the rampart I shared with Cullen.

It was hard, not opening the door that went to his office. I shut my door behind me, gazing at my other one, wanting so badly to see if he had a light on. I felt exhausted and I knew some sleep would help me. There was nothing more I could do tonight if he didn’t want to talk.

I was pulling my blanket down to get into bed when I heard something fall outside my door. Hesitating, I stood there, deciding if I should check it out or not. I rolled my eyes, knowing if I didn’t and it ended up being a drunk Iron Bull or Dorian, I wouldn’t hear the end of how I didn’t help them. I made my way to the door, pulling it open.

The only light came from my room and it took me a second to adjust to the dark to see. I saw someone bending over, picking up the crates that fell, and my bedroom light hit armor. “Cullen?” I asked surprised. “Are you drunk?”

Cullen froze when I said his name and he turned toward me slowly, a curl falling in his face. “No, not drunk,” he replied in the darkness. “Just didn’t see these in the dark.”

I watched him finish stacking the last crate and he kept his hands on it. What in the world is he doing out here? I realized that I should just go back into my room and let him process everything. “Watch out for the barrel by your door,” I told him. “It must have been put there recently. Ummm….night,” I said awkwardly, closing the door behind me.

I made sure all the torches were out before getting into my bed. I wanted complete darkness tonight, except for the light that came from the moon through my windows. I knew I was exhausted, mentally and physically, but I couldn’t sleep. Cullen was on my mind and the conversation I had with him. I felt the time go by, and an hour passed with me tossing, trying to find a comfortable position. I heard a light knock at my door and I pushed the covers off of me, heading to the door. Not like I could sleep anyhow.

I opened the door, surprised to find Cullen there, his expression hard to read in the dark. “For two weeks, I wondered if you were alright. If you were being bullheaded and fighting when you shouldn’t or trying to tame a bear to prove a point.” The moon hit his hair, making his blonde lighter. I stood in silence, not wanting to interrupt what I thought was a planned speech. I mean, the way he talks can’t be made up on the spot? Can it?

His hands were moving when he started to talk, distracting me for a moment, but I kept my focus on his face. Well, what I could see of it in the dark. “Then I saw you were safe and I felt relieved and I knew it was foolish to think you wouldn’t be. I can’t explain what I feel when I see you, besides happiness. Not just that though, it’s more than that, but I can’t put my finger on what else it is. It’s almost overwhelming.”

“Cullen,” I interrupted and he cut me off, his voice determined. I watched him trying to find words to say. So, this was on the spot.

“I don’t approve of your choice in magic,” he told me, his voice matter of fact. “In fact, I didn’t know if I could be with someone that was one, but then I remembered how I felt when you held your head in pain. How you suddenly were yelling at no one in the room and you couldn’t hear anything I was saying to break it. I was terrified and angry. Not angry at you, but angry that it was happening to you and I couldn’t help. I could only watch.” Cullen looked down at the ground, before glancing back up at me. “I felt useless again.

“I went to see the Inquisitor, to figure out what she knew. I was angry at you, that you didn’t feel upset with your choice or what this could do to the Inquisition. Then I didn’t know if I could be with a blood mage. If I could know that you willingly became one after everything I told you. What I went through. I was going to come tell you that I thought it was best if we stopped this now and took some time before anything more developed between us. Then Solas told me something that I can’t get out of my mind. Just because you can’t understand something, it doesn’t make it wrong.” His voice didn’t waver or anything when he said those words. I felt like slamming the door on him, but I was too shocked to speak. “I let my pride get the best of me, and I realized once I got to my office, that I couldn’t do that. That I knew one side of blood magic and I don’t know if I ever could see a good side to it, but if anyone could prove they can use it right, it would be you. That’s when I heard your voice singing. That’s how I ran into the crates, I was trying to get back to my room after coming closer to hear.”

He stepped closer and his hand went to my cheek, his thumb stroking it gently. “I realized that you were helping me with my demon, and I needed to do the same for you.” I reached a hand up to cover his on my cheek. “Blood mage or not, I can’t let you go.”

I threw my arms around his neck, standing on tip toe to kiss him. His arms went around my waist and I felt the warmth spread through my chest. We broke the kiss and I put a hand on the back of his head, staring up at him. “I’m sorry I made you angry,” I said quietly.

Cullen shook his head, his face very serious. “No more apologies,” he told me, leaning down for another kiss. There was another overwhelming urge in my chest and I knew that I had to say something before I exploded.

I let my arms down and broke the kiss, grabbing his hand from my back and pulling him into my room. “Come on.”

Cullen hesitated for a moment before giving me his half smile, shutting the door behind him when he got in my room. I suddenly felt nervous and I didn’t know what I should do next, it being awhile since I last did this. I was never good with sexy. Cullen was there then, kissing me, one hand on my back, pulling me closer, the other on my neck. I put my hands in his hair, wanting to get closer to him, frustrated by his damn armor. I broke the kiss to unbuckle his chest plate, and he helped me, making the process faster. He undid his belt, throwing it on the ground, before shrugging his robe off. “How do you have more to take off then me?” I teased, reaching out to undo the buckles on his arm throwing it toward the chair in the corner.

“Makes my job easier,” he flirted back, his voice low and husky. I blushed, working on his other arm as he leaned forward to kiss my neck, his free hand on my hip. I stopped what I was doing, the feeling of his kisses sending shivers down me. “Need help Captain?” He rasped.

“If you think it’ll make it go faster,” I muttered, leaning my neck for easier access. I glanced down at the armor, realizing it was almost done. I undid the last loop, letting it fall off his arm. I reached for his chest again, realizing he was still wearing his chest plate. “Chest, Cullen.”

His lips left my neck and he pulled off his chest plate, his smirk forming as he set it down. He pulled off his gloves throwing them down by the armor and threw off his shirt. I wish I had torches lit, and was glad the moon was almost full tonight so I could see his chest and abs for the most part.

His eyes were darker when he looked at me and I ran my hand down his chest, surprised I haven’t seen him shirtless, besides in game. I glanced up at his scar, wanting to do this for so long. Then suddenly it clicked in my head. I was going to have sex with the Commander. I was going to have sex with Cullen! Don’t freak out, I told myself.

Damn it, I was nervous. No. You got this Kassy. You’re Captain King! Come on. It’s Cullen. He moved some hair from my face, noticing my concern. “Are you alright?” His voice was comforting and I suddenly felt a little less nervous. This was Cullen. He knew when something was wrong. He cared.

I reached a hand up, tracing the scar on his lip. “Yeah,” I replied, standing on tip toe to kiss him, the kiss deepening into more than it has been before. Our tongues danced, and we gripped to each other, his hands holding my face and mine in his curls.

He grabbed the hem of my shirt and lifted it, and I raised my arms, not letting myself be embarrassed about being shirtless. I didn’t have the chance too, Cullen pulled me to him, our chests touching. I forgot what it felt like to be this close to someone. To have someone make you feel beautiful. Worthy. He let his hands wander my back and hips, the touch of skin on mine causing a groan from me.

Cullen pushed me back on to the bed and felt my necklace hit my chest. I pulled it off, throwing it towards the pillows, not wanting it to break on the ground. Cullen tugged his boots off before starting to lean over me. He stopped on his knees and admired the view. He growled and leaned forward, taking my mouth again.

His breathing was unsteadied as he ran his hands down me and I felt myself blush as he broke the kiss and watched his hands. “You are gorgeous Kass,” he whispered kissing the top of my breasts and working his way up to my neck. “Do you know what I want to do to you right now?”

“I have an idea,” I teased, my nails running lightly up his back. He caught his breath and he glanced back up at me, his eyes shining in the darkness. I thought of the lion and his prey, and instead of terrified, I was excited. I pushed his chest up and I ran my hands down his muscles. My God his muscles. Thank Andraste this man wanted to be with me. It still seemed so unreal. Yet, here I was, Captain King, taking in the Commander.

I slowly made my way to my knees, wanting to be able to see more of him like he did me. His arms encircled me and I kissed the top of a shoulder, working my way down his chest. I heard a low groan escape him and I glanced down to see how to get his pants off. I untied the laces and he got the hint of what I was doing. He brought me close to him, kissing me soundly as he laid me back down, my arms around his neck.

He kicked off his pants, and I couldn’t help but stare at the Adonis before me. Seriously, this man was like a superhero. I leaned on my elbows, watching the back of him as he bent to pull off his pants the rest of the way. Dorian was right. That ass. I blushed thinking about what happens next, but it soon disappeared as Cullen crawled onto the bed again, getting a quick peek at the evidence of how aroused he was.

I didn’t have much time to think about it though. His lips were on my stomach and he was slowly making his way up. His fingers outlined my scars from surgeries and the Fade. Whiskey eyes glanced up at me with admiration and I felt the warmth in my chest again. He licked and nipped as he worked his way towards my breasts, causing my breath to quicken.

Cullen looked up giving me an appreciative smile, and let his tongue roll over my nipple. I closed my eyes and moaned, letting the sensation take over me, a hand automatically going for his curls, the other for his shoulder. I felt his other hand kneading my other breast, tugging and rolling my nipple between his fingers. I arched my back, pushing my breast further into his mouth. He moaned and tugged the nipple with his teeth.

I started to wiggle under him. “Cullen, please,” I begged, not believing he got me to beg. He chuckled and met my lips hard. He hooked his fingers in the waist of my pants and I lifted my hips as he pulled them down my legs. He ran a hand up my leg, loving the way his hands felt on me. I felt his hand wander from my collarbone, lightly brushing down past my breast and sitting on stomach.

My hands were roaming his back and up into his hair. I moaned as his hand traced the inside of my thigh. We were both breathing unevenly and I bravely moved my hips up, bushing my sex on his leg. He growled and repositioned himself over me. My legs opened automatically, both of us taking a moment to assess each other. We kissed again and he entered me, both of us moaning through the kiss.

I let him control the pace, unable to think coherently at the moment. He kissed my neck again and I crossed my legs around his waist. Cullen was slow at first and then his thrusts were faster. “Cullen,” I breathed into ear, my neck arching up.

My nails dug into his shoulders and I felt the growling in his chest. I matched his thrusts and he moaned into my ear. I held on to him as I felt pressure rising in me. We were in perfect sync and he moaned my name as I licked some sweat from his shoulder. I arched my back, my chest flushed with his chest, as he reached a hand down to massage my clit. I moved under him, thrusting higher and faster. He matched me, both of us moaning and growling. He smiled as he saw I was close and I felt my body shake sighing his name as I came. He followed right after me, growling my name before collapsing on top of me.

I chuckled in pleasure, still panting. I ran a hand through his sweaty curls, not realizing the workout we had.  I just had sex with Cullen….and it was fantastic. Cullen kissed my shoulder as he rolled onto his side next to me, propping himself up on an arm, looking down at me. “What’s so funny?”

I grinned, grabbing his other hand in mine. “You growled. Like a lion,” I told him, winking. “I liked it.”

He rolled onto his back placing an arm behind his head. “I try not to disappoint.”

 I giggled, rolling towards him to lay my head on his chest. “You didn’t,” I assured him, my eyes getting heavy. I soaked in the warmth of him and the way his muscles felt under and next to me. “Cullen,” I began. “Are we okay?”

Cullen took a deep breath and I heard a chuckle rumble in his chest. “I thought we were more than just okay,” he replied, his voice husky. “Or was I doing that with someone else?” I leaned up, looking him, raising my eyebrows. He tucked some of my hair behind my ear, his whiskey eyes warm as he met my blue ones. “Honestly, I never felt this way like I feel for you.”

I leaned down to kiss him, his arm going around my waist. I rested my head against his forehead, and I felt so lucky to have this man in my life. “You staying?”

Cullen pulled me down against him, kissing my hair. I was so glad I decided to bathe. “I’m not going anywhere,” he assured me. I felt myself starting to get tired again and we both laid in silence together, happy to just hold each other. I felt Cullen’s hand search my stomach.

“Can I help you?” I questioned laughing. He chuckled and his hand stopped.

“I was making sure we didn’t hurt the wound,” he explained. I moved his hand to my scar.

“It’s all healed,” I informed him, very pleased with myself. “Anders made sure everything was fine. Not that anything could happen with your hounds watching me.”

I felt the rumble of his laugh vibrate in his chest. “I didn’t think you’d figure it out.”

I playfully hit his chest. “I’m pretty smart ya know,” I countered.

His arm tightened around me. “I know,” he assured me. We were quiet again and I closed my eyes, feeling myself drifting into sleep. My breathing got slower, matching Cullen’s and soon I slipped into darkness.

Adfksdjfjdsfjdsfjk

“You are putting way too much thought into this,” I sighed, pushing open the door to Josephine’s office.

“You aren’t,” Sera protested. “I want Solas’ head to sparkle, and you know Inqui is rubbing it with her hands. Therefore, I need to get the Pixie Dust on her gloves.”

I laughed, shaking my head. “I have never been great at pranks, Sera. You’re gonna have to find a different partner in crime.” I opened the door to the hallway toward the War Room. “Putting it in books probably wasn’t the best idea either.”

Sera waved my comment away. “Dorian loved it,” she retorted. “Claims he always wanted his outfits to match the sparkle in his eyes.” I rolled my eyes. Yeah, Dorian would say that. “I heard you and Cully Wully had a fight,” she brought up nonchalantly. I blushed, avoiding her gaze. “Oh, right then. You and the templar were doing it. Eh, Kassy.”

I blushed harder, glad that we were at the door to the War room. “Oh, look! Saved by the door!” I exclaimed, pushing it open. Sera chuckled and followed me in, skipping over to Dorian. I sighed in relief, happy she was content with how we left the conversation. The rest of the crew was here, the advisors and the Inquisitor at the war table.

Iron Bull and Blackwall were talking to each other, Iron Bull suddenly throwing his head back in a laugh. Cole’s glanced flickered between the two of them, probably enthralled in whatever they were talking about. Cassandra was talking with Hawke, their conversation heated, while Anders listened to Varric’s story. Vivienne stood in a corner, bored and not caring. My sight was for one person right now. There he was. Furthest away from the group.

I headed toward Solas, making sure to keep a smile on my face. “Hey Solas,” I greeted him, his nod of greeting almost royal like. Gods ya know. “I just wanted to thank you for what you told Cullen last night.”

Solas looked at me quizzically before he registered what I was talking about. “I wasn’t doing it specifically for you. I was saying it to help explain a point.”

“Well, you nailed it,” I congratulated him. “Brah,” I added. Solas rolled his eyes and I grinned. “There you go. Back to our usual relationship.” Solas seemed unamused but I saw his mouth twitch into a smile for a second. I heard Josephine call my name and I saluted Solas, before heading over to the table.

I stood next to Josephine, her smile wide as I approached. I grinned back, putting my hands on my hips. “What’s up?”

She raised her eyebrows at my phrase and pulled out my drawings. “These are absolutely perfect,” she gushed, pointing to a dress design. “We have the pieces made and waiting to be fitted. I must say I’m surprised at your ingenuity.”

Wow, what a big word to describe something I did. I chuckled, happy that the designs went so well. “I guess I missed my calling,” I joked. Josephine put the pieces away as she chuckled.

“Perhaps you did,” she replied with a wink. “I may have to have you design my wardrobe.”

“Mine too,” Leliana chimed in. I grinned at them, laughing. Cullen glanced up from talking with Branwen when he heard my laugh, stopping for a second before continuing his sentence. I winked at him and his scar lifted into a half smile as he continued talking, his attention on Branwen again.

Leliana saw the exchange and she raised her eyebrows at me, a knowing smile on her face. I blushed, tucking my hair behind my ear. I felt a pang start and I closed my eyes, willing it away, not dealing with Nightmare’s shit today.

“Captain,” Branwen said, gaining my attention. “You said that none of the leaders are truly telling the truth. Correct?”

“Yes. They are all just blackmailing each other and honestly, I feel that it’s whoever you don’t think is the worst at it,” I explained. Leliana chuckled and I shrugged my shoulders. “You’ll find out there, but-.” I noticed a layout of the Winter Palace. “Is that the palace?”

“Yes,” Josephine told me. “We just received it today. We’ve had someone working on drawing the layout for us.”

I studied it, figuring out which way I was staring at it. I grabbed Josephine’s pen, her mouth open about to protest. I went around the table to stand next to Cullen, the map facing me the correct way. “Okay,” I began. I have played this level so many times I knew where everything was. Did you use Golden Halla statues to open doors here? I’m guessing no, so I’ll skip the statues. I marked areas on the map where she would find black mail and important information.

I stopped writing, feeling like there was something important I should be telling her. What was it? “Gaspard! His sister is trying to kill Celine but he doesn’t know it.”

“Florianne?” Josephine asked in surprise.

“How could Gaspard not know of his sister’s plans?” Cullen inquired, his eyes flickering from me to Branwen.

“She’s been taught well,” I suggested. “Best to keep an eye on her during the ball.”

Branwen’s face was deep in thought. “Of course,” she replied. “So much drama for one ball.”

“A good Orelasian one wouldn’t be complete without it,” Leliana confirmed with a smirk.

I kept on marking the map, writing names and what the item actually was beside it. “That’s everything,” I told her. “Hopefully you can have Dagna make a key that can fit in any door to open it. A lot of these doors are locked.”

“Cullen?” Branwen inquired.

“Of course,” Cullen replied with a bow of his head.

“Like I told you before, you are going to need people distracting the others so they don’t realize you are gone.” I threw pointed looks around the table. “You are going to have to dance.”

“We aren’t going to be able to dance well enough to distract them,” Josephine protested.

I turned to Branwen. “You’re going to have to memorize these locations,” I told her. “Because I’m not going to be able to go with you. I have some dancing to impress the court with.”

Branwen laughed in disbelief. “You think you have dancing that can impress Celine and her court? Long enough for them not to notice?”

“Of course,” I replied with confidence and the other three snickered. “Alright, you guys don’t know the kind of dancing that we do in America.”

Leliana’s smirk turned to a smile. “If it’s anything like your songs, I’m sure we’ll all be entertained.”

I did a finger gun at her, then studied the map again, making sure I didn’t miss anything. When I was sure I didn’t, I stood up straight, crossing my arms. “Hopefully this helps,” I told them.

“More than you know,” Branwen assured me. “Now that this is settled, let’s get on to why I have everyone here.” She rolled up the map and placed it to the side of the table. She grabbed the pen I was holding, leaning in toward me. “I’ll give you a couple minutes to collect yourself.”

“Thanks,” I muttered, watching her return the pen to Josephine asking to see the drawings again. Leliana joined them, glancing back at me with a curious look. A sharp pang shot through me and I leaned on the table, closing my eyes. Nope. “I’m a force to be reckoned with Nightmare. I will beat you, so stop trying,” I whispered.

I felt a hand on my back and I opened my eyes, relieved that the pain resided. “Sorry,” I muttered, mad that he saw me talking to Nightmare again.

“Everything alright?” Cullen asked in a low voice. I gave a nod in reply. “Yeah. Just telling him who’s boss.”

I straightened up, tucking my hair behind my ears. “Let’s do this Commander.” Cullen grabbed my hand, squeezing it, before he headed over to the group. I followed behind him, ready to see what we could do about this demon.

Branwen took notice of my arrival and she cleared her throat, gaining everyones’ attention. “Normally I wouldn’t have these kind of meetings, but I felt as my inner circle, you should know.” Her voice held authority and everyone gave her their full attention. “For those who traveled with me to the Fade, you remember Nightmare. He’s back, in Captain.” Almost everyone pointed their attention to me before looking back to Branwen. “When she became a blood mage he somehow found a way to her. Now we need any knowledge you possess to help us figure out how to stop this from turning into an Anders situation.”

“For the last time, Justice didn’t make me blow up the chantry. It was my choice,” Anders objected.

Sera laughed her high pitched giggle. “Blew up a chantry? Kind of ironic isn’t it? Ya know…seeing how that’s what they thought she did.”

Hawke stared at me, studying me. Branwen started talking and she owned the floor again. “With the ball coming up, we are tight on time, so the sooner you come to me with information the better. If you can’t find me, find Solas. We can’t let Nightmare win.”

Without a goodbye, Branwen left the room, making an exit. I felt as if we should all clap for her, but right now, I was aware of how many eyes were on me. Not wanting to be stared at any longer, I hurried after her, wanting to escape anywhere that I wouldn’t be questioned.

“Captain!” Hawke bellowed. I froze, waiting for him to catch up. He kept stride with me once he caught up. “I told you to come to me once you heard voices,” he hissed, not wanting to be overheard.

“I forgot you said that,” I replied honestly. “It wasn’t a slight toward you at all, but I panicked and well…you were there in the Fade. Remember the things he said? They are all directed toward me now. All the time.”

Hawke grabbed my arm to make me stop, pulling me into the hall that led to the gardens. “I have spells to teach you to keep the pain away so your will is stronger.”

I almost cried in relief. Wait, how did he know of the pain? “Do you have a demon?”

“No. I have seen enough possessions to know how they go. You have lasted longer than any I have seen so far. You must have a strong will,” he complimented.

I didn’t know how to reply so I just shrugged. “Are you coming to the ball?”

“I’m going to see if I can, if only to help you with Nightmare. After what you did for me in the Fade, well-.” Hawke glanced at the ground and back up at me. “This isn’t enough to repay you.”

I blushed. “I don’t need to be repaid.”

“I know,” he acknowledged. “That’s what makes me need to do it more.” He cleared his throat, glancing back at the door. “Plus, it will piss Curly off to no ends.” He backed toward the door, a mischievous grin on his face.

I followed him back to the Main hall. “Eventually you two will become friends.”

Hawke belly laughed. “A bard and a jester! You’re too much Captain.” He strolled away, laughing the whole way.

Cullen approached me, worry on his face. “I’m okay,” I told him right away, pulling him into a corner where we wouldn’t be noticed. “Especially seeing you. Are you okay though? I know you said we were alright last night. I didn’t know if that meeting made a difference to you at all.”

Cullen smirked and I thought I saw a little bit of a blush. “Nothing could change how I feel after last night,” he assured me, his voice husky. He leaned a hand against the wall, hiding us from the rest of the Main Hall.

“I guess it was alright,” I teased, giving him a wink. “Especially the growl.”

“Maker’s breath,” he groaned, leaning forward to kiss me, my hands gripping his robe. I bit his lip lightly and he growled. “Come back to my office?”

I half smiled at him. “I thought the Commander was a very busy man. How could he have the time to do unimaginable things on his desk? Actually, how could he get his desk messy at all? Things might break and papers could fall.”

He kissed me lightly again. “For you, I’ll make an exception.”

“Well, if the Commander is wanting a meeting, I can schedule some time,” I whispered, running a hand down his chest plate.

I heard my name being called and I sighed. “Ignore it,” Cullen told me, giving me a lidded gaze.

“Captain,” Josephine addressed us. “I’m sorry Commander, I really need her for a while.”

Cullen sighed and straightened, his arm no longer trapping me in the corner. I gave an apologetic glance at him. “Later Lion,” I whispered passing him by.

He shook him head, hand on neck. I followed Josephine, her gaze looking at my outfit. “What happened to your boot?”

“Hinterlands,” I gave as an explanation, holding up the boot in question.

She shook her head and sighed. “I’ll have Liliana get you a new pair. As you know, she has an eye for shoes.”

Yes! This must be what people felt like when a celebrity picks out their clothing. “What exactly are we doing now?” I asked, her pace fast as she made her way up some stairs.

“Dress fitting,” she told me in an excited voice. “They are absolutely gorgeous!”

I squealed inside with excitement, my face beaming.

Maker’s breath, I couldn’t wait to see what my design looked like in person!


	16. Chapter Sixteen

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**I do not own any characters. They all belong to Bioware. Let’s all take a moment of silence to really thank Bioware….alright….moment done. Thank you everyone for comments and follows! I really appreciate them! Special shout out to my Beta reader Eruya and to all those who gave song suggestions (looking at you Madam Viper!). If you have any song you want to see in the story, feel free to leave a comment and Kassy will gladly take requests! Hope you enjoy! Rated M for language and lemons.**

**Chapter 16**

I was meant to be her best friend. That was it. We wore the same shoe size, therefore, we had to be soul sisters. I twirled in front of the mirror, admiring the knee high boots. I was wearing the spy master’s boots. This. Was. Awesome! I admired the black boots, determined to never throw them away, ever. My boots were going to be sent in to be fixed, but Leliana insisted I keep these as a backup pair.

“I think she likes the boots more than the dress,” Josephine told Leliana, watching me pose in the mirror.

Leliana shrugged her shoulders. “Can you blame her? They are quite a pair.”

“I’ve seen better,” Branwen joined in, finally finished with her fitting.

I pivoted on my heel to face them, their amused faces all sharing a smirk. I put my hands on my hips and grinned at them. “It’s the small things in life that really bring happiness, right?” I sighed, turning a leg to admire the boot again.

Josephine laughed. “As much as I would rather stay here and watch you twirl, we all have work to get done before the ball.”

“Come on Josie,” Leliana said, gesturing over to me. “When is the last time you admired yourself like that in front of a mirror?”

Josephine rolled her eyes, the rest of us giggling. “Alright. I am leaving now.” She shot us a smile. “And I’ll be admiring myself in that dress before the ball, _if_ we manage to complete our work so we can get to the ball.”

I waved goodbye as she left, Leliana and Branwen snickering. “I probably should get back to work,” I sighed, posing once more in front of the mirror.

“Which reminds me,” Branwen said. “Iron Bull asked me to tell you that he is willing to start training again today if you wanted.”

“Yes!” I exclaimed, facing her. “I should head over there.”

“Don’t forget about your report for the Commander,” Leliana teased, a smirk on her face. She held out a parchment and I grabbed it. “Since you are heading there, could you save me a trip?”

Branwen raised her eyebrows at Leliana, apparently not understanding the context of this conversation. “Of course,” I replied, trying to hide my blush. I waved goodbye, heading out of the room and toward the staircase that led down to the Main Hall. Leliana will never stop teasing me about Cullen, I could tell. I stood in the middle of the hall, deciding if I should shortcut through Solas’ office, or go the long way.

Thinking of Solas’ office made me think of how in game I would jump from talking with Dorian onto Solas’ desk. I smiled, wondering how that would actually end up if I really tried it. Going against my better judgement, I sidetracked up the stairs toward the library. I beelined for the railing that would be easiest to get to Solas’ desk, leaning over to see the distance. Hmm….this was definitely a longer distance than I originally thought.

“Are we spying?” Dorian asked, leaning over the edge with me. “Hurry, take note. Still standing with book, might move toward wall to ponder it.”

I giggled, wondering how often Dorian did this. “How far do you think it is from here to his desk?”

Dorian raised an eyebrow, looking down at the desk in question. “Enough to break your leg if you jumped.” He straightened, leaning a hip on the banister, his gaze serious. “Should I be glad you aren’t doing this from your rampart?”

Rampart? “Why would you think I would?”

Dorian glanced guiltily down at his feet. “I fear that I should have been the one to inform you of not being able to reach home. Not Solas.”

My mood dampened and I felt my shoulders fall. “Oh,” I said quietly. “I don’t hold it against you Dorian.”

Dorian leveled his eyes with mine. “I am sorry, Kassy. Truly. I should have made sure you were alright after Solas and I discussed the situation.”

His grey eyes shined with empathy, and I reached over to place a hand on his arm. “I’ll be alright with time. After all, I have a family here. And a home.”

Dorian nodded, his face showing understanding. “I know that feeling,” he admitted with a smirk.

“Of course, you would,” I teased. “After all, who wouldn’t want to be related to the most handsome mage there is?”

Dorian laughed, glancing at the parchment in my hand. “Writing reports already?”

“More like delivering them,” I informed him. “Leliana asked me to bring it to Cullen.”

“Ah, did she?” He asked with a twinkle of mischief in his eye. “How was the talk with our Commander?”

I blushed, rolling my eyes. “Based on who I saw you talking to earlier, I am sure you know exactly how it went.”

“Well I know how it ended,” he said playfully. “No details were told. So, tell me, does our Commander-.”

“Nah uh,” I interrupted him. “I am not giving you any details besides, that ass.”

Dorian grinned, chuckling. “I thought it would be.”

“I should get this delivered,” I told him, escaping before he actually got me into talking more details.

“Mmm-hmmm,” he said, giving me a knowing smile.

I made my way down the stairs to the main hall, not wanting to go into Solas’ study in case he heard the conversation. I couldn’t face him if he heard me talking about Cullen’s ass. I crossed the entrance, breathing in the fresh air. I leaned my head back, feeling the breeze of the wind blow my hair behind me. The air smelled like it might rain and I loved it.

I jogged down the stairs, glad I didn’t braid my hair today, the feeling of late summer a welcomed comfort. Late summer in Michigan was my favorite, with sweet smelling air and the hint of fall approaching soon. I realized I’ve lost track truly of how long I’ve been here. I was guessing a few months, but it seemed like longer. Did I count the days I was out after the Fade? It didn’t matter. You were here now.

I smiled and waved at passing soldiers and people, determined to remain in a good mood even with the reminder of not being able to get home. Skyhold was home now. These people were a part of it. I hummed to myself as I went, no particular tune in mind.

The way to the tavern was crowded, likely people watching the dueling happening. I turned to skip down the stairs near the healers. I glanced toward the barn, hearing the loud call of harts. Those were my favorite to have as my mount of choice. I couldn’t not see them in person.

The barn was quiet when I approached the stables, the harts and horses making the most noises. I searched the stalls, wondering which harts they ended up having. I spotted Pride of Arlathan and I gasped in happiness. It was so beautiful in person. I reached out a hand to it, letting him sniff me before stroking his neck. “You are handsome,” I told him, my voice holding admiration.

“He’s the newest one,” Blackwall said from the barn, making me jump. “He’s -.”

“Pride of Arlathan,” I finished, keeping a hand on the hart’s neck as I turned toward Blackwall.

Blackwall raised an eyebrow in surprise. “Exactly.” He picked up his woodworking tools, turning towards his project. “So, you’re a blood mage.”

I repressed the urge to roll my eyes. “Are you going to tell me I made a mistake too?”

Blackwall stared at me over his shoulder. “I’m the last person to talk to people about mistakes.”

My hand left the hart and I headed toward him, not really ever having a true heart to heart with him. “You tried to fix your mistake.”

Blackwall dropped his tools on the table, his body tensing slightly before focusing on me. “Excuse my manners, but what do you know of my mistakes?”

Did I tell him I knew? Let him know that it was safe with me and that I understood? “I didn’t mean to make you defensive. I just…look. I can’t tell you how I know, but I know you are trying to keep true to Blackwall. You’re a different man now. And…ummm…well, I think the Wardens are lucky to have you. As Thom or Blackwall.”

His eyes focused in on me and I shifted uncomfortably. “I knew you were brave, from what happened at Adamant. I also knew you were inspirational from the way people flock to you with your songs and words. When I heard about you becoming a blood mage, I didn’t think you wise. Who would willingly choose that?” There was something about his voice that made me feel like I was on display. Where was he going with this? “I was wrong. You understand more than most, and don’t judge others on their past. Only an open minded and wise person would be able to let others see that they aren’t defined by their past.”

I stared open mouthed at him, unsure of what to say. In game, I always felt very flattered and unworthy of the praise he gave the Inquisitor, but hell, I was the Inquisitor. Here I was just the random girl that fell from the rift. I felt my cheeks turn red from the compliments. “It’s kind of you to think that, but honestly, I’m just…” I couldn’t think of the right words to finish the sentence, so I just shrugged my shoulders. “human.”

Blackwall shook his head. “You are more than that. You are a leader, Captain. Remember that. You’ll be important to the Inquisition. More than you will know.” He smiled at me before turning to his tools again. “Will we be seeing you in the tavern soon, now that you’re healed?”

I laughed at that, not realizing how long it’s been since I was in the tavern. “Is that a request?”

His focus stayed on his horse, and he got his hammer ready. “Perhaps.”

“Then I’ll be there tonight,” I assured him. “Spread the word.”

He chuckled, smiling as he nodded, our conversation at an obvious end. I felt sad I never gave Blackwall as much of a chance in game as I did the others. He was a good dude. Feeling high on the compliment, I strutted toward the stairs the led to the rampart. I was able to take the stairs easier today, despite the journey back here and my workout with Cullen.

At the top of the stairs, I made sure Leliana’s parchment wasn’t wrinkled. I ran a hand through my hair and made sure my outfit was adjusted, running a hand over my corset. I touched my necklace, smiling to myself. Dad was right, others notice your actions when you are true to yourself.

 _Do you really think they admire you? Or do they pity you?_ Nightmare asked.

“Nothing you can say can break my mood today,” I said softly, so I could barely hear myself. “I am Kassy King, and I am a force to be reckoned with.”

I pushed him from my mind, tucking him away to the back of my mind where I keep embarrassing memories. I knocked on the door, not wanting to disturb any meeting he was in. There wasn’t a reply and I slowly opened the door peeking in. Cullen wasn’t there. Odd. I strutted to his desk, placing the report on his desk, wondering where he was. A letter caught my attention, the name Mia standing out. A letter from his sister…do I read it? Was it like the ones she wrote him in game?

I glanced at the door, biting my lower lip guiltily. I walked around the desk so that I had a clear view of the door. I quickly skimmed the letter expecting, “we don’t hear and all we get is” but it wasn’t like that at all. I picked up the letter, confused at the content.

_Cullen,_

_I am glad to finally receive a letter- though it was still too short. However, the content-surprised me. I don’t know who or what has brought this change, but you should really keep it around. I agree, family is important and it has been too long since I have seen you. Not that I am complaining-but what brought this on? I don’t think I ever heard you say these sort of words. ‘Mia, I have learned that family should not be taken for granted’. I almost thought that the letter was written by someone else. Write again soon._

_Your loving sister,_

_Mia_

I put the letter back, emotions running crazy in me, not sure which one to feel. This was crazy. I felt confused, wondering if I was the one that brought this change? Then I felt the crashing of sadness for the second time today, thinking of my family. I grabbed my necklace, taking a deep breath. I needed to get these feelings out, maybe with some sword play.

I headed back to my room, wanting to grab my staff and lute before finding Iron Bull. I should find Cassandra too and see if she would be up to training at all. I hurried down the stairs, excited to finally use a sword again and get this aggression out.

As I approached the tavern, I saw Krem, flirting with a dark-haired elf. Way to go, Krem! I made my way to him. “Krem,” I called, jogging the last little bit to him. He glanced toward me, the brunette glaring at me. I laughed internally at her, surprised she saw me as a threat.

“Rift!” He greeted me, his grin getting wider. “Back from your journey I see.”

I put my hands on my hips, grinning at him. “Just got back yesterday, but I feel like I haven’t had time to realize it yet. Been kept busy,” I said, giving a small laugh. “I’m actually looking for Bull, have you seen him? I was told he wanted to meet me.”

“Chief had to meet with the Inquisitor,” Krem replied, leaning against the wall. “Want me to tell him you were looking for him?”

I shook my head, giving him a half smile. “Nah. I’m sure I’ll run into him soon.” I glanced over at the brunette, her glare getting more pointed. “I’m thinking about playing here tonight. Buy me a beer?”

“You got it Rift,” Krem replied, giving me his usual smile.

“Awesome,” I said. “See you later, handsome.”

Krem seemed pleased with himself, and the brunette snuggled closer to him as I left. I growled in frustration, needing to do something with this anger. I headed toward the practice dummies, ready to take on some pests. I threw off my lute and staff, grabbing a sword from the rack as I passed. I held the sword for a moment, thinking it felt right, being a warrior again.

I took a deep breath, spinning into the dummy, striking it hard. I practiced the moves that Cassandra and Bull taught me, hitting the dummy harder. I felt my muscles start to move more easily as I practiced, my motions becoming more fluid and accurate. I was impressed with myself, having to train for a few days last time to get back to where I should be. Granted I wasn’t back to where I should be, but I was pretty good. Maybe it was because of the journey I was just on, or my frustration.

I glanced over at the recruits pairing off to fight each other. I stood there, panting, feeling the sweat on me. Cullen was training, barking orders. I should really find Iron Bull. I grabbed my lute and staff, putting the sword back. I headed toward the main staircase, looking over at the sparring ring. I stopped, really wanting to give the sparring rink a try. Why shouldn’t I?

I saw Krem still by the tavern, the brunette smiling widely at him. “Rift,” he greeted me again. I placed my staff and lute by him, frustrated I put the sword back.

“Krem, got your sword on you?” I asked, seeing his shield on his back. I ran a hand through my hair, wishing that I braided it back now.

Krem pulled out his sword, his stare confused. “Everything okay?” He looked me up and down, seeing if there was something off about me.

I took his sword from him, loving how badass it looked. “Can I borrow your shield too?” I pointed to his back.

Amused, Krem handed me his shield from his back, an eyebrow raised. “Who’s the target?”

“Not sure yet,” I replied, excited about the fight. “Watch my stuff?”

I headed to the sparring ring, adrenaline running through my veins. I felt a boost in my walk as I noticed my boots, needing to make them proud. There was a crowd around the ring, cheering the fighters on. I stood as well, wondering how this whole thing went. I watched the two recruits fighting, their moves much like Cullen’s. I studied how they moved their feet, Cassandra and Iron Bull’s training kicking in. Their movements were fast and I loved how they moved without thinking. They just moved on instinct and reflex.

That’s what I needed to learn. To do this without someone barking how to do it. That’s how I always learned. Drawing, guitar, and even school. I did better when I got the basics and then went off by myself, having someone critique once I get my style down. Then I felt that spark of inspiration. The feeling I get when I wanted to write, draw, or sing. Create. My fingers curled around the sword, not having felt this way since before I came here.

I glanced down at the sword, hoping that since it belonged to a Charger, it would be lucky. I missed the end of the fight, staring at the sword, but the winner reached down a hand, pulling the other recruit up. “Anyone else?” He called, glancing around. I gave a once over, taking him in. He was tall and well built, like most of the soldiers here. His hair was dark brown and dark, and honestly, he gave me a kind of Jensen Ackles vibe.

“Me,” I called, feeling like one of those movies where the hero is about to defeat the villain in an epic battle. In this battle though, the hero will most likely fail because let’s be honest, who can beat Dean Winchester? Then again, that dude died a couple times, and hey, wasn’t he demonized too? Oh my god, I have so much in common with Dean right now.

I saw Jensen’s surprise but he swept it off quickly as I climbed over the fence and hopped into the ring. Wow, that felt bad ass. If Sadie saw this, she would be making fun of me in so many ways. Liam would have thought this was pretty awesome. Sadie…Liam…there’s my fuel. I could tell he was sizing me up and I got into my stance, opting to start the way Cassandra taught me.

Jensen swung and I raised an arm, blocking it with my sword. I felt the power of his swing and realized this dude was really going for it. This ring was intense fighting. Good thing that’s the only way Iron Bull fights. I pushed him back bringing up my shield in time to block another swing. I felt off with a shield, not really using them in the past. I waited until he went to swing back and threw the shield to the side, earning mutters from the group. I ignored them as I turned into a spin, Jensen barely reflecting it. I heard cheers from the crowd. “Get him Rift!” Krem yelled.

Jensen staggered back a bit and I regripped my sword, already out of breath. More of a workout fighting a person then a dummy. He ran toward me and I couldn’t stay up at his impact. I flew backward, grunting at the force. I spotted Cassandra toward the back of the group, her arms crossed observing. I hooked my boot around Jensen’s ankle and pulled quickly, watching him fall. I sprung up as fast as I could, kicking away his sword. Jensen was breathing hard as he stared at the sky. I leaned over him, placing the tip of the sword on his chest. “Good fight, Jensen. If I were a darkspawn, you’d be dead.”

“You spend too much time training with the Commander,” Jensen groaned, slowly sitting up. I leaned on my sword, hearing cheers from the crowd. I held a hand out to him, and he grabbed it, standing up. “And it’s Keegan not Jensen.”

“My bad,” I told him. I turned to the crowd that gathered, seeing Krem grinning broadly at me. Plus, ten approval from Krem. I watched Keegan climb over the ring and I didn’t know what to do next. Call for another taker? “Any takers?” I asked loudly, my voice having more strength than I thought I would. I tucked my hair behind my ear, the pieces sticking to the sweat on my face. I suddenly felt a little embarrassed, standing in the rink, waiting for someone to duel me.

I saw a red headed man, come forward. Alright, he must be a Weasley. He jumped over the fence, smiling at me with attitude. If that was his way of intimidating me, it totally worked. I swallowed, adjusting my sword and stance. He swung the sword like a pro between his hands before coming at me. Instincts, I started to mantra to myself, knowing that I would have to not think so hard about my moves in order to beat this dude. If I could. I was still surprised Jensen was out.

There was a mix amount of encouragement for us. Many of the recruits supporting Weasley, while others called for me. I peeked to see if Cassandra was still there. She had gotten a little closer, a small smile on her face as I used a move she taught me to escape a blow. I felt a boost of encouragement from that, running at Weasley, shoulder checking him as hard as I can. Weasley flew back into the side of the ring, grunting. “That’s how it’s done, Rift!” I heard Bull yell. Weasley wrapped an arm around his ribs, glancing at me with an impressed smile. He dropped his sword in surrender, grunting and holding his ribs tighter as it fell. He held out a hand and I took it, both of us panting.

“Sorry,” I muttered to him, not meaning to injure him. He shook his head.

“Don’t apologize. I wasn’t expecting you to escape my last move. You won fair,” he told me. He leaned forward. “I like a woman that can outsmart me.” I blushed, not knowing what to reply to that. I grabbed one of his elbows, helping him over the side. Krem helped him from the other side and a recruit came forward, snickering at Weasley, helping him toward the healers.

I reached down and picked up my sword. Feeling better than I did before I stepped in. I still needed to get this feeling out of me though. Was hitting people, really the way to go? Yes. Yes, it is. For now.  I stood, gaining my breath, glancing at the crowd, not sure if I should stay or go. Cassandra was gone, but Bull was in the back, arms crossed in amusement and approval. He gave me a nod of acknowledgement when our eyes met.

A dude that looked like Oberyn from Game of Thrones came forward. Ah shit. I was going to lose to this dude. I wasn’t the Mountain. I figured he was from Orlais and I didn’t know how those soldiers fought. Alright then. You got this. Just focus.

He threw off his shirt before he entered and I rolled my eyes. He was trying to intimidate me with his muscles? I went to Krem, taking off my belt and corset, sighing in relief. How was I fighting in those before? “You doing okay, Rift?” He asked me, taking the belt and corset from me.

“Do I not look like it?” I asked him. I picked up the sword again, gesturing it toward him. “Thanks again by the way. I’m pretty sure it’s lucky.”

“Go show the Chief you learned something,” he told me, slapping me on the back. I turned toward Oberyn, who was practicing some swings. I tried making my stance like what I see on movies before the epic fight. We both knew this dude was going to win, but I was going to give him a hell of a fight before doing it. Stroud was in the crowd now and I cursed to myself. Why was everyone here? Go find things to do. I did a double take not realizing quite how large the crowd got. I was not good enough to get this kind of crowd. Ah, shit. No pressure or anything.

Oberyn came toward me, his sword at his side. I did the same, meeting him in the middle. “You know how to draw in a crowd,” I told him, nodding toward the people around the ring.

“I don’t think they are here for me,” he laughed. I raised an eyebrow at him and he shrugged. “Maybe they aren’t used to seeing strangers fight so well. Care to give them a real show?”

Wow. They must not realize I was just getting lucky tonight. I grinned at him, nodding. “Bring it on.” He sneakily swung, and I spun out of the way, smiling at him. I watched his feet, trying to find something off about his performance. I couldn’t find anything as we fought, his moves not like the others. I kept avoiding and blocking them, figuring out a way to get him out. If his plan was to tire me out, he was doing really well. I felt my shirt cling to me from my sweat and I knew that I needed to end this soon if I didn’t want to fall over from exhaustion. Apparently, I needed more training before this kind of intense fighting.

I lunged toward him and he blocked it before he kicked me toward the fence. I felt my breath leave me as I hit the wood. Fuck! If this is what Weasley felt at all, then I would want to kick my ass. “Shit!” I gasped, trying to fill my chest with air again. “His left knee is injured,” I heard Cullen’s voice in my ear. He would be here. I mentally made note to thank Cullen later, and pushed myself away from the wood, my breathing heavy. I would have a wicked bruise on my back and probably chest.

Oberyn seemed impressed that I was still in the fight, and I had no idea what to do to get him to fall to his knees. Kicking it seemed kind of cheap and hard to do when he is always moving his sword. I swung at him and he blocked it, returning a high blow, that I quickly spun away from feeling the tip scrape my shoulder. I heard some gasps from the crowd and I wondered if I was cut, but I didn’t feel any pain. I glanced down at my shoulder, and noticed something was missing. I groaned, looking at the ground where I was, seeing a large chunk of my hair on the ground.

Seriously! My hair! Not just a small amount either. I felt anger in my chest and I went toward him, growling as I did a spin attack at him. Stupid mother fucker! He blocked me, returning a swing, hitting my hand. My sword fell from my hand as the pain from the cut made me instantly drop it. Piece of shit Orlesian. He looked at me with eyebrows high, silently asking if I was going to give up. I shook my head, figuring I could try to get the sword back. He smirked and came at me. What would they do in a movie? I summersaulted under him, hitting my shoulder on a rock as I rolled. I thought of the wrestling Liam and I did when I was little, getting an idea. Before, he recovered from his swing, I ran toward him, jumping on his back, taking him by surprise. I kicked the back of his left knee and we fell on the ground, his cry making me feel bad, but then I saw my hand and didn’t feel as bad as I did before.

I felt every muscle in my body ache as I laid on his back, both of us panting. I rolled off him, not wanting to hurt anything else on him. “Truce?” I asked as he looked at me.

He grimaced and nodded, turning so his weight was off his knee. “Truce.” Oberyn glanced over at me with a smile, “I was sure I was going to beat you.”

“I was sure that you were too,” I admitted. “At least neither of us lost.”

“Come on, soldiers,” Cullen said, reaching a hand down toward Oberyn. Oberyn accepted, and he groaned as he stood, hissing in pain. Cullen helped him over to the fence and recruits were there to help him over. “Bring him to the healers. He’s got some injuries.”

I struggled to my feet, seeing a hand reach out over the fence. I grabbed it and Iron Bull helped me over. “That’s one way to train,” he commented, slapping me on the back. I gasped as he hit my bruise, feeling like the wind got knocked out of me again.

“The fucker cut my hair,” I complained, touching the short tresses.

“I can help with that,” Krem said, his sword and shield now back on his body. He had my corset and belt still. I grabbed them from him, heading back toward where I left my staff and lute.

“How?” I questioned, wiping the blood on my hand with my shirt. I felt him grab my hair in his hand and then just as fast heard the swish of a sword. I cried out as I heard the sword, knowing what he was doing before he did it. “Krem!”

He held out my hair in his hand, smiling. “See, it’s the same now.”

I reached a hand to my hair, feeling it just hit my shoulders. I opened and closed my mouth, not knowing what to say. That took forever to grow that long. I felt like Rapunzel in Tangled when Flynn cuts off her hair. Except not as cool because Krem isn’t a dying Flynn trying to save me from Gothel. He did not just do that.

“It’s a good look for you, Rift,” Bull told me, not hiding his amusement. I took the hair from Krem and held it awkwardly.

“Thanks,” I muttered, staring at the sheared ends.

“Captain,” Cullen called, and I turned toward him, still not over my shock of Krem’s haircutting skills.

“Looks like you are in good hands,” Bull teased me. He slapped me again on the back and motioned for Krem to follow him. “See you later, Rift.”

Cullen came toward me, his hand on the hilt of his sword. The crowd around the ring was dispersing, and no new fights were going on. “Are you okay?” He questioned, his eyes searching me for wounds, landing on my hands. “Why are you holding hair?”

“Krem decided to help finish what Oberyn started,” I stated, throwing the hair into the weeds by the tavern. “I can’t believe he cut it off.”

“I can’t believe you jumped on his back,” he snickered, his golden eyes filled with amusement. “I really thought you were done once you lost your sword.”

I picked up my lute and threw it on my back. “He chopped off my hair, Cullen. I was going to go until I dropped from exhaustion…which I technically did.” I reached for my staff, using it to lean on. “Thanks for the help by the way.”

He gave me his half smile, reaching out to touch my shortened hair. “You seemed like you could use it,” he teased. “I like this look.” I blushed under his gaze, reaching up to tuck it behind my ear. He frowned, grabbing the hand and studying it. “I thought I saw you get cut.”

“It looks worse than it is, honestly,” I assured him. “It’s that kick into the fence that has me more sore than anything else.”

He took the lute off my back, holding it in his hand, the other on my lower back. “Let’s go get you cleaned up.” He led me toward the back way, to the staircase by the barn. “When Cassandra told me you were fighting, I wasn’t expecting to see you doing so well. Though I should have, based on Cassandra’s smirk.”

“Well, thanks for the confidence boost, Commander,” I said in an over dramatic voice. “Seriously, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to do that again. I was seriously just lucky. If you didn’t tell me about his knee, I wouldn’t have gotten to a tie.”

“I don’t understand why you were fighting anyhow. And who’s sword were you using?” We were climbing the stairs now and I was painfully aware of each muscle as I moved.

“Krem’s,” I replied. “And I wanted to get out some frustration. I couldn’t find Iron Bull and the dummies weren’t doing it.” He opened my door, and we went in. “Honestly, Cullen, I am fine.”

He shut the door before he threw my lute on the bed and I set my staff carefully against the wall. “You aren’t going to win this one, so just turn around and take off your shirt,” he ordered.

“Umm, what?” I asked, really, I wasn’t sure I had the strength for sex after those fights. He crossed his arms and I rolled my eyes, turning around and lifting my shirt off. I felt the heat in my cheeks at standing with my shirt off, even after what we did last night.

He touched my back softly his fingers barely touching it. “You’re going to have a nasty bruise,” he informed me. I felt his fingers go up to my bra strap and I glanced over my shoulder.

“I thought you were just going to inspect my bruise, Commander,” I teased, smiling at him. He unhooked it, and I held the front, not sure if he was just trying to get a better look at the bruise. “Cullen?” I asked softly.

I looked forward again, my neck ached from the fight. I felt Cullen’s lips softly kissing my back where the bruise was. There were shivers down my body and he kissed his way up to the back of my neck. I sighed in pleasure as he put his hands on my waist, holding me closer to him. I leaned my head to the right as he kissed my neck, his lips getting closer to my jaw. So maybe I did have energy for this. Anything for this. I turned to him, letting my bra fall. Cullen’s lips were on mine and I reached a hand up to gently pull his curls, ignoring the ache from the bruise on my chest as it pushed against his armor. There was a knock at the door and Cullen pushed me up against the wall, trailing kisses down my neck, ignoring the door.

“Busy!” I called, reaching down for Cullen’s belt. Cullen’s hands started to move up my sides, grabbing my face and kissing me more deeply.

“I was sent by the Inquisitor to send the Commander to the War Room,” Hawke called through the door. “Something about Samson. Figured I might be able to find him here.” Cullen and I froze, both of us slowly looking at the door. I took my hands off his belt, and gave him a quick kiss.

“Duty calls,” I whispered to him, pushing him away as I went to my trunk to get a new shirt, kicking my bra under the bed out of view. Cullen was running a hand through his hair, straightening it. I went to the door and opened it.

“Hawke,” I greeted him, tucking hair behind my ear. “Cullen was just checking out my injuries from the sparring ring.”

“Mmmm hmm,” Hawke said, a knowing smile on his face. He glanced into the room, trying to find evidence to prove otherwise. “I’ll let him finish up in privacy. Meet me in the same place as last time for training in an hour?”

“See you then,” I replied, blushing as he turned to walk away with a wink. “See ya, Curly!” Hawke called, turning to go down the stairway. I turned back to Cullen, who was looking at me with frustration. “Hawke says hi,” I told him, shutting the door and leaning against it.

“I heard,” Cullen replied, his arms crossed as he took me in. Of course we would both get awkward. Come on, Kassy. Think of something to say. Anything. “I…umm…that is…I hope that we can find some time to talk later...maybe,” he stuttered, a hand going to the back of his neck.

I gave him a confused look. Well at least I didn’t have to think of anything to say. “Talk about what exactly?” I asked, wondering if he was changing his mind about us. Though he seemed pretty set earlier in his stance with us. Well, then and just a couple minutes ago.

“I want to take you somewhere,” he said explained almost shyly. Where would he want to…wait. He was going to…seriously? I smiled widely, knowing exactly where he wanted to take me. This man was amazing.

“Anytime, anywhere,” I told him, walking toward him slowly. I grabbed his robe, going on tip toe to give him another kiss. He put his hands on my waist, deepening the kiss. I broke it off, taking a deep breath. “You need to get going.”

He groaned and ran a hand through my hair. His golden eyes stared at me in a way I’ve never been looked at before. I blushed, not used to his intense staring. “I’ll see you later,” he muttered, giving me his heart-breaking smirk, glancing over his shoulder at me as he left. “Be careful with your training with Hawke. I just…he just…blood magic.”

“Copy that,” I told him, leaning against the door as he walked away, clear confusion as my phrasing. I felt the butterflies in my stomach explode and I fell onto my bed, sighing with happiness. If he was going to give me his coin, should I give him my necklace, or is that too weird? I held the necklace, feeling the metal of the dragon claw and the smoothness of the orb. Would I be able to give it to him, even if I wanted too? My one piece of home?

I sat up, throwing on my corset and tying it lightly so not to bother the bruise on my back. I put on my belt and grabbed my lute and staff, heading out of my room, shutting the door. I needed flowers. I needed trees. I needed a stone bench where I could sit and have the wind blow on my face. I needed, the garden. One of the few things that were a lot like home.

I cut through Cullen’s office and entered Solas’ study. “Captain,” Solas greeted me, working on a painting. I nodded in greeting, offering a “brah” behind my shoulder as I headed across the hall to the gardens, hoping that it wouldn’t be very busy. I entered the area toward the gardens, already feeling my shoulders relax.

I realized I haven’t really explored the area over here, being here when I was drunk. There were people scattered around, and I knew I couldn’t pull off video game style, just opening every door I went by. I heard the birds in the garden singing as I continued to walk, noticing some of the chirps sounded like ones from home. I remember my mom telling me what she thought they all said. There was the Star Wars bird that went “pew, pew, pew”. The Brittany bird that did a high and fast, “Brittany? Brittany?” I felt my heart ache when a familiar bird noise caught my attention. This was the bird that my mom called the Kassy bird. Whenever it was out, Mom would say my bird was calling me because it sounded like it was singing my name “Kassssyyyy”. I always smiled when I heard it, feeling a glow in my chest, thinking of Mom. I felt my eyes fill with tears and I escaped to the closest room, not wanting to draw attention to myself.

Andraste stared at me, and I felt awe in the room that was like their chapel. I slowly made my way to her, avoiding the rubbish in the way. Reaching out a hand, I touched the statue, studying the woman before me. I haven’t been in a church in such a long time, let alone prayed. I wondered who I would pray to here. God? Andraste? Maker? Was Maker and God the same being? I tried to think of a prayer to say that I learned in Catholic school, but it didn’t seem right, uttering them here. The Hunchback song “God help the outcasts” came to mind as well, but I felt Andraste didn’t feel like an outcast. That girl knew exactly where she stood. Nameless emotions rose in my chest and I had the urge to say words, any words to help ease it.

Instead of a prayer though, “Blessings” by Laura Story started pouring from my mouth. _“We pray for blessings. We pray for peace. Comfort for family, protection while we sleep. We pray for healing, for prosperity. We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering. All the while, You hear each spoken need. Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things. 'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops. What if Your healing comes through tears. What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near. What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?”_

The words seemed right, and I didn’t know if I was talking to just God, or Andraste as well. Could God hear me here? Hey God, it’s me, Kassy. I sank to my knees, kneeling at her feet. _“When friends betray us. When darkness seems to win. I know that pain reminds my heart. That this is not my home. What if my greatest disappointments. Or the aching of this life. Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy? What if trials of this life, the rain, the storms, the hardest nights, are your mercies in disguise?”_ I felt tears on my cheeks, feeling better with the song, but also a little numb.

“I had no idea your faith was so strong. I’m impressed,” Cassandra’s accent said in the silence. I quickly stood, facing her, wiping the tears from my cheeks.

“I didn’t realize you were here,” I said lamely, crossing my arms. “Sorry if I interrupted your worshipping time.” I began to head out of the room, letting Cassandra do her prayers in privacy.

“Captain,” her voice stopped me. I turned toward her, wondering what she might have to say. “Were you praying to Andraste?”

I gave a small smile, rubbing the top of my arm. “Her or God. Whichever one was listening.” I felt a little awkward since she found out I was a blood mage, thinking she would disapprove of me.

“With those words, I know Andraste will hear your words for certain. I do not know much about your God, but if He is like the Maker, He heard as well.” Her brown eyes seem to pierce into me and I shifted my weight to a different foot. “I was surprised to see you using a sword when you are training in blood magic.”

My smile grew and I tucked some hair behind my ear. “Blood magic has its purposes, but I don’t feel like a mage at heart. The sword is what feels most like me, however, I am not upset that I am a mage. Just confused. A lot to adjust to. Demons and all.”

Cassandra nodded in understanding, apparently approving my answer. “I have something for you,” she told me, holding out a book. I saw the cover and my heart started pounding fast.

“Varric’s next volume!” I squealed, reaching for it in excitement. “Is it everything we hoped for?” I asked, glancing up at her as I stroked the cover.

“I’ve read it three times since you have given it to me,” Cassandra admitted, blushing slightly.

“That good, eh?” I teased, hugging it to my chest. “Thanks, Cassandra. This is exactly what I need right now.”

“Congratulations on your fights today. I was impressed with the skills you have retained from our training. Are you wanting to continue-.”

“Yes!” I interrupted, getting an approving smile from Cassandra. “Absolutely, yes.”

“We train in the morning then,” she ordered, turning to Andraste, dismissing me.

“In the morning,” I repeated, squeezing the book to my chest. Yes! I opened the book, beginning to read the first chapter as I made my way to the guest rooms, where I was going to meet Hawke. Based on how the first chapter was going, I knew I wouldn’t be able to put the book down until it was done. Curse having to do stuff!

I reluctantly closed the book, sneaking into the blood magic training room. Anders was sitting on the ground with Captain Purr, stroking him in his lap. I raised my eyebrows, seeing Hawke standing at the window, looking out at the mountains. “You can’t be apart for training? You two have separation issues.”

Hawke was grinning as he turned to me, his hair falling into his eyes a little. “Says the girl who was having her bruises checked out by Curly.”

I opened my mouth in disbelief. “He really was,” I protested. “Care to see them?”

“Varric says you were giving some recruits a beating today. Should we congratulate you or did Curly already do that?” Anders teased, his eyebrows wiggling. I rolled my eyes. “I am here to help with Nightmare. I have experience with having to keep spirits at bay,” Anders informed me, a smirk on his face. They were so meant for each other.

“But Nightmare is a demon, not a spirit. Isn’t it different?” I questioned, glancing between the two of them.

“Yes and no,” Anders answered, letting Captain Purr jump off his lap as he stood. “Less painful maybe, but you have yet to truly be taken over by Nightmare.”

“And we don’t plan on it happening any time soon,” Hawke added, leaning against a wall. “Hopefully the blood magic protection spells will help.”

I nodded, taking off my lute and setting it down, while holding onto my staff. “Besides those spells, when are we going to learn combat stuff to help with fights?” I asked him, wanting to feel more useful with my blood magic.

“Well, first you need to get in touch with your blood magic, and then you pretty much know what you can do,” Hawke informed me. “However, when using blood magic, you can’t be healed the normal way, such as potions or healing mages.”

I furrowed my forehead trying to understand. “What do you mean? How do you heal then?”

“By using blood magic or the old natural waiting it out,” he explained. “You can take healing from an enemy, causing them to die faster.”

“Jesus,” I whispered, my face showing my fascination. “So, magic is something someone finds out for themselves?”

Hawke nodded. “It speaks to you and you feel it. Blood magic will ultimately help you make your spells more…intense.”

“Awesome,” I said softly with a smile. “Let’s get started.”

“Hold on,” Anders told me, his hands on his hips. “The demon may be more prominent with the use of blood magic, so keep it small until we get Nightmare out.”

“He’s right,” Hawke agreed, pulling out a chair for me to sit. “So, let’s get those protection spells.”

He handed me a dagger, and I took it from him before sitting down. “The staff isn’t strong enough?”

Hawke shook his head. “Not for this,” he informed me, rolling up my sleeve. He pulled out a book, opening it to a hand drawn symbol. “Ready?”

“I’m carving that into my skin?” I asked doubtfully. “I’m not sure I’ll be able to…be precise.”

“I’ve never actually have done the spells myself, but I am sure it is the same concept of any spell. Think of the intention. We are going to draw this on you as a reference.” He shrugged his shoulders. “Might as well be safe. Since the demon is in you, doing the drawing of blood on your skin would be better than on an object.”

Made sense, I guess. Sort of Supernatural like. I held out my arm as Anders drew the symbol, glancing up at me with knowing eyes. “This will help with the pain it causes, not actually keep him out.”

“It will be easier to deal with him when you aren’t cringing in pain,” Hawke clarified. “I don’t know if there is enough blood magic to release a demon. It’s usually used for the opposite.”

I looked at the stripe of blood on Hawkes nose. “Do you use a fresh smear every day or do you have that tattooed on?” I pointed to his nose with the dagger.

“If my enemies ask, daily, but it’s tattooed,” he answered, giving me a wink. “Interested in getting one?”

“Only if I can find the perfect one,” I informed him. “Most likely I won’t though.”

“It’s done,” Anders informed us. Going back to the wall.

Hawke nodded for me to go ahead. I cut myself above the drawing, making sure the cut would get enough to trace the symbol. I set the dagger down, smearing the trickling blood with my finger. _You think they are helping you? They are only doing this to get you to help them in the end. You have no friends here. Won’t Cullen love looking at this arm?_

I ignored Nightmare, concentrating on making the symbol perfect. I felt a tug deep in myself, somewhere I can’t explain. I pulled at it, closing my eyes and letting the feeling take over my mind. I glanced up at Hawke when I finished, waiting for further instruction. Hawke gave me a nod of approval. “That is all we are going to do for the day,” he said, patting my shoulder. “I expect Nightmare will be working on you all evening because of this. Let’s not push it.”

“He already loves it,” I confirmed, letting Anders bandage my arm. “Thanks.”

I pulled down my arm sleeve, hiding the mark. Glancing up, I saw Hawke paging through Varric’s novel. “Really, Captain? I thought you were sucking up to Varric, not actually telling him the truth.”

“I like his books,” I countered, going to grab it from him. “As his best friend, you’d think you would have read them.”

“Even he admits they aren’t his best,” Hawke argued. Anders chuckled and handed me my lute.

“Whatever,” I sighed, giving Anders a quick thanks, as I put on my lute. “I’m playing at the tavern tonight. You coming for a drink?”

“Even if you weren’t playing, I would probably already be there,” Hawke admitted, giving me a wink. “Maybe Anders will join me for a chance to hear you sing.”

Anders raised his eyebrows at Hawke. “I enjoy the taverns as much as any man,” he argued.

I felt there was more to this argument and I didn’t want to be a part of it. “See you later then,” I said, backing toward the door. I left them to their conversation, wanting to read a couple chapters before going to the tavern. I also had to do a report for Branwen and sketches for Josephine.

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I felt accomplished as I headed to the tavern, finishing my report for Branwen. My first official Inquisition report. I was a part of the team! I hummed to myself as I hurried down the stairs toward Herald’s Rest, swinging my lute in one hand. My heart was thumping from nerves, not having done the tavern gig in a while.

Skyhold was fairly quiet, most everyone either eating dinner or finding other ways to spend their evening. I pushed open the door to the tavern, glancing around to see if any of the gang were here. The tavern was packed tonight, and I squeezed myself between people to make my way to the bar.

“Good fight today,” a voice said behind me. I turned to find Stroud grinning at me. “Though I wouldn’t have expected anything else.”

I laughed and tucked my hair behind my ear. “Honestly, it was luck on my side today. I mean, you saw me with those spiders. It’s nice of you to say so though.”

“I did see you with those spiders, but as I recall, you have been training since then,” he countered, his eyes sparkling. I wonder if it was the lighting that made him seem more attractive, or just the fact he was giving me compliments. Stroud turned to the bar. “Two ales, please.” Cabot handed Stroud the tankards. Stroud handed one to me with a smile.

“Oh, thank you,” I said in surprise, not expecting him to buy me a drink. “I didn’t realize you were still at Skyhold.”

“I figured I would stay as long as the Inquisitor needed me and the Wardens. We feel we have a lot to make up for,” he told me, leading me to a table.

“Well, you weren’t demon summoning,” I defended, wondering why he felt as if he were to blame. _You were._ Nightmare told me. _Or are you afraid of what he will think if he finds out you have one in you. Not just any…me._

“No, but I just feel that this is what I should be doing,” he told me, taking a sip from his cup. I took a sip too, loving the taste of Dragon Age ale. Was it dwarven? I’d have to ask Varric.

“It’s very commendable,” I assured him, taking another sip. “Is this Dwarven?” I asked him, pointing to the cup.

“I heard about it, but I can’t actually believe it!” Dorian exclaimed behind me, hands in my hair. “Why would you do that to yourself? If you wanted a new look, we could have got you a new outfit.”

I turned on him, rolling my eyes. “It wasn’t my choice. Oberyn started this haircut, Krem just finished it,” I argued. “Is it really that bad?” I put a hand to it, self-conscious.

“Not bad,” he began. “Just…different.”

“So…bad,” I frowned. “Can’t you just lie to me?” I laughed.

“I think it suits you perfectly. Very attractive,” Stroud told me and Dorian quirked an eyebrow while I blushed.

“Iron Bull has our usual table. I know it’s been a while for you since coming here, but I’d appreciate it if you made the effort to look for us.” His smirk came to his face. “It’s hard to miss this face,” he told me, giving me a radiant smile.

“Oh Lord! I was catching up with Stroud,” I informed him. “I wasn’t ignoring you guys.”

“Explain that to Bull,” Dorian countered. I rolled my eyes.

“I’m sorry,” I told Stroud, grabbing my ale and following Dorian. “Thank you very much for the ale! Join us later!”

He watched me leave with a smile, raising his glass. “Can that man be any more obvious?” Dorian asked me, as we wove through the crowd.

“About?” I asked, trying not to spill any ale, bumping into people as we made our way to the table.

“About what?! Come now Kassy, you can’t be serious?” He sat in a chair next to Varric and I took the one next to him. “The man is clearly besotted with you.”

“Who?” Bull asked as I sat down, his posture relaxed as usual.

“Stroud,” Dorian informed him and Iron Bull nodded in understanding, a teasing grin on his face.

“I don’t know how many times he has sang your praises to me about the Fade,” Blackwall joined in and I wondered why Stroud was talking about me to Blackwall. Hey! Blackwall was here! I glanced around to see who else was here.

I saw Cole sitting on a barrel near us, his mind elsewhere as he took in the tavern. Sera sat at the edge of the table, her focus in and out based on the conversation. Bull and Krem were there, both with two empty tankards already in front of them. Varric, Hawke, and Anders were there too, all clearly actively listening to the conversation.

“I lost count on how many times he just brings you up in our conversations,” Hawke added, clearly annoyed. “I wonder if Curly found out yet.”

“Now that would be something to witness,” Varric laughed, thinking about it. “Is Curly coming tonight, maybe we can-.”

“No!” I interrupted. “No interfering with my love life boys,” I scolded, pointing a finger at him and Hawke.

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Hawke said with fake sincerity. I sighed, drinking more ale. “Hey Varric, is this Dwarven?” I asked, pointing to the tankard.

“No,” Varric informed me. “You’d be a lot more drunk.” I laughed, and we all cheered to that.

“That one says you’re going to play, yeah?” Sera asked, nodding toward Blackwall, her blonde hair messier than usual. What did she have in it today? Did they even have jelly here?

“I was thinking about it. Any requests?” I asked, glancing around the table. “Dorian?”

“Something fun,” Dorian told me with a wink. “Preferably something that gets my foot tapping.”

“So, the usual?” I laughed. He shrugged, taking a drink from his tankard.

 “I have specific tastes,” he replied. “Survival in love maybe.” I shook my head and took a large gulp of ale, before grabbing my lute and adjusting it. I strummed a few chords, thinking about what song to do. For some reason, “I will survive” by Demi Lovato was stuck in my head today.

 _“At first I was afraid. I was petrified. Kept thinking I could never live. Without you by my side. But then I spent so many nights, thinking how you did me wrong. And I grew strong. And I learned how to get along.”_ I stood up, gaining the attention of more people as I sang, my group already entertained. I didn’t know how people would receive this song, but I thought I should show them all aspects of my world of music.

“ _Go on now go walk out the door. Just turn around now. Cause you're not welcome anymore. Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye? Did you think I'd crumble? Did you think I'd lay down and die? Oh no, not I. I will survive!”_ I grew up with this song, but I liked the way Demi portrayed it, so I tried to imitate her. I moved my hips, and strutted around the tavern, getting tankards raised toward me in approval. I fell on Blackwall’s lap, singing and he gave a throaty laugh. I finished it, standing up on a chair, getting the usual applause at the end of the song, and I thought of an idea, glancing over at Bull.

I grinned at him. “Help me out?” I asked, seeing amusement on his face.

“What you have in mind, Rift?” He gulped some ale and brought it down, his attention on me. “Copy me,” I told him glancing at the others. “You guys too. Make it loud until the song is done.” I jumped down from the chair, and I pounded the table a couple times and clapped setting the rhythm. Bull grabbed his empty tankard following along, while Hawke used his hands, amused. The others caught on, amused at the game I had them playing.  “Perfect!” I mouthed to them, keeping the rhythm going. Glances were pointed toward our table, confused. I turned to Hawke and started to sing “Rock you” by Queen.

“ _Buddy, you’re a boy, make a big noise. Playing in the street, gonna be a big man some day. You got mud on your face, you big disgrace. Kicking your can all over the place, singing. We will, we will, rock you! Come on! We will, we will rock you!”_ I grabbed my lute, starting the guitar part, encouraging them to keep going. I was slowly making my way around the tavern, having them feel like a part of the song. Other people were joining in on the rhythm and I smiled, seeing some getting really into it. I started the second verse, acknowledging those who were doing the rhythm and getting cheers from tables as the song progressed. I passed Stroud, stopping a moment to sing to him, continuing to the others. My table started singing the chorus with me, Sera very loudly, getting many others to do the same. Eventually, most of the tavern was singing the last chorus with me, the rhythm continuing, almost deafening.

 _“We will, we will rock you, singing! We will, we will rock you. Everybody! We will, we will rock you. We will, we will rock you!”_ I ended the song and everyone erupted into applause, cheering and whistling filling the small tavern. I assume because they liked being a part of the music.

I spotted Cullen coming in with confusion at the end of the song, understanding dawning on his face when he saw me. His eyes met mine and I smiled at him, gaining a fell fledged Cullen smile. I felt my stomach flutter and I turned to the rest of the group. “I’m going to slow it down with this last song,” I told everyone and they groaned.

“Alright, now,” I said, holding up my hands. “I’ll be back soon with more. I’m just a little sore from training, which some of you might get.” I saw a few head nods and I smirked. I saw Cullen move through the crowd to get a better view of me. “Warrior” by Beth Crowley was on my mind lately, and I began to strum the intro, needing to watch my fingers since I wasn’t a pro with this song. _“You fascinated me. Cloaked in shadows and secrecy. The beauty of a broken angel. I ventured carefully. Afraid of what you thought I'd be. But pretty soon I was entangled.”_

I peeked up at Cullen as I sang, hoping he knew that he was a part of this song, more then he could know. “ _Teach me how to fight, I'll show you how to win. You're my mortal flaw, and I'm your fatal sin. Let me feel the sting, the pain, the burn under my skin. Put me to the test, I'll prove that I'm strong. Won't let myself believe that what I feel is wrong. I finally see what you knew was inside me all along. That behind this soft exterior, lies a warrior.”_

I saw Iron Bull’s soft smile of understanding, probably liking that he was part of the training that made me a warrior. I closed my eyes as I continued singing, glancing occasionally at my fingers, surprised people were into this song. I thought for sure they would think the songs I chose tonight were duds. I focused on Cullen as I got to the end of the song, hypnotized by his warm golden gaze. “ _The pictures come to life. Wake in the dead of night. Open my eyes, I must be dreaming. Clutch my pillow tight. Brace myself for the fight. I've heard that seeing is believing.”_

Cullen joined in on the applause, giving me his half smile. The tavern went back to its usual activity, cutting off the connection to Cullen and me. I made my way back to my table, smiling at the crew. “Did you enjoy it?” I asked them, knowing I’d get an honest response.

“What exactly is outer space?” Dorian asked me and I realized I needed to be more careful with my song choices.

“Well,” I began, thinking of how to explain aliens and planets to him.

“I liked when everyone sang along,” Cole interrupted, probably sensing that I didn’t want to answer Dorian’s question. “There was happiness. More songs should be that way.”

“Great performance,” I heard Stroud compliment me, bringing more tankards to the table. He set them down, gesturing for the table to have them before looking back at me. “I haven’t heard songs like those before.”

“She is an original,” Hawke replied, grinning at me, twinkles in his eyes. “She’s the full package.”

I glared at Hawke and he winked at me, biting his lower lip. The rest of the table snickered, Dorian almost choking on his ale. “Curly!” Varric called, a huge grin on his face. Bull shook his head in amusement, pleased with the events going on before him.

Cullen joined us, nodding in greeting to the table. “We were just telling Stroud what a delight Captain is,” Hawke informed Cullen, his smile probably hurting his cheeks. “Wouldn’t you agree?”

Dorian hid his smile in his tankard, and I saw Krem hide his behind a fake cough. “Uh..yes..I suppose she is,” Cullen replied, grabbing the hilt of his sword.

“Suppose?” I questioned him, my eyebrows raised. Honestly, that was his response?

“Well…I mean…Maker’s breath,” Cullen replied with a sigh. “Of course, you are. I didn’t mean any insult by my reply.”

“I suppose not,” I told him, causing Bull to full out laugh. “If you’ll excuse me gentlemen, and Sera,” I added knowing she’d object to me including her with the boys. “I have work to finish for Josephine, so I’m going to call it a night.”

I gave them all a wave, before leaving what could be a very awkward situation. I brushed past Cullen, heading towards the exit door. I felt the wind on my face as I stepped out of Herald’s Rest, and couldn’t believe how hot I got in the crowded room. I headed to the stairway, sitting on the third step, seeing if Cullen was going to follow me. I heard crunch of boots on dirt and glanced up, seeing his blonde curls in the darkness. “You suppose?” I repeated, standing up, still not believing he said that.

“I was caught off guard,” Cullen replied, rubbing the back of his neck. We walked up the stairs, toward his office, his stride matching mine. We strolled in silence, him probably not wanting to put his foot in his mouth again.

“I suppose,” I teased him again and he groaned, opening the door to his office.

“You aren’t ever going to let this be, are you?” He asked me, his smirk still there.

“No,” I replied, turning to kiss him full on the mouth. “But I know a way you can make it up to me.” His hands captured my face and he kissed me again deeper. “My bed?” I asked against his lips and he kissed me hard again, his hands moving down to my hips. He moved to kiss my neck and I moaned. I walked backwards, slowly, grabbing his hand and leading him to my room.

He shut the door behind him when we got to my room and he started unbuckling my belt, our heavy breathing the only sound in the room. I ran my palm against his stubble, feathering kisses on his jaw. Cullen moved us to the bed, and I heard a sound at the door. We both froze, focusing on the noise from the door. It sounded like someone trying to unlock a door with a bobby pin. That door led to the collapsed rampart.

Cullen put a finger to his lips, quietly leaving the bed and heading to the door. I sat up, getting a better view. Reaching out a hand, Cullen quickly threw open the door, sword drawn out. I did a double take, confused at what I was seeing. A blonde elf with a skull mask was staring at us with surprise on his face.  No way. This was too unreal. Why the hell was he here? At my door?

Maker’s breath, when did that door even get a lock? Most importantly, why was Zevran here?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**I do not own any characters. They all belong to the DragonLord Bioware. Thank you everyone who left comments and favorited/followed! I am so flattered and super appreciate it! If you have any song requests, make sure to leave them! Hope you enjoy this chapter! Rated M for language and lemons.**

**Chapter 17**

Cullen was about to bring his sword down, almost striking Zevran as he rolled into the room, dodging Cullen. He grabbed my arm, putting a dagger to my throat. Always one for dramatics. Cullen pointed his sword at him, preparing to lunge.

 “Weapons down!” I commanded, holding out a hand at Cullen. “It’s Zevran. He’s an ally.”

“Ah, so you’ve heard of me?” Zevran asked, loosening his grip a little. Cullen hesitated, deciding whether or not to drop his sword.

“Yes,” I answered. “Though your lock skills could use some work. Does that door even have a lock?” I tugged on his arm, getting him to lower it. He grabbed my arm, his grip tight.

“Leliana said you were on the run from the Crows. Why did you come here?” Cullen questioned, his Commander voice low and full of authority. He threw his sword on the ground and motioned for Zevran to release me.

“This is kinda unnecessary,” I muttered to Zevran. Zevran glanced down at me and smiled his usual sassy smile.

“It is always nice to hold the arm of a lovely lady, no?” Zevran asked with a smirk.

“No,” Cullen answered, his arms crossing in annoyance. “How did you even get in?”

Zevran’s smirk held on his face, and he laughed. “I was trained by the Crows. I am one of the best assassins in the world. I am ridiculously awesome.”

I chuckled and Cullen’s frown deepened. I turned to look at Zevran, his tattoos even cooler in person. His hair was longer, reminding me of Legolas. How could he get here without anyone knowing? The only other person able to get someone in was…seriously? “Cole let you in.”

Zevran’s smirk turned into a full-fledged smile. “Oooh. Clever as well as beautiful. How did I luck out in finding your room?”

I blushed and Cullen rolled his eyes. “That is exactly what we’d like to know as well,” he growled.

“I was looking for your spy master,” Zevran informed him, nodding his head toward the main part of Skyhold. “This area seemed to be unoccupied.” He glanced between the two of us. “You seem to know my name, but I did not get the pleasure in getting yours.”

“Commander Cullen,” Cullen informed him. “And the arm you are holding onto belongs to Captain King. Release it so I can show you to Leliana.” He reached down and picked up his sword sheathing it.

“Ah. Good plan, Commander.” Zevran drawled, running his hand down to grab mine, bringing it up to his lips. “We shall talk later, Captain King.”

I wasn’t expecting him to be so…charming. I should have figured he would, based on the first meeting with him in Origins. I raised my eyebrows at him, smiling. “I’m sure we will,” I informed him. Zevran turned toward Cullen, who held the door toward the rampart open. He brushed by, giving me a wink before leaving. Cullen rolled his eyes, glancing back at me. I shrugged, not knowing what to say in this moment.

The door shut and I glanced at my other door, still open. I went to it, checking the outside and the inside of it. Just as suspected…a lock. Cullen had a lock made to my door…did he have the key? How is Zevran still so bad at lock picking? Why would Cole let him in? Ah, shit! Cole! I needed to get to him before Cullen finds him in his sour mood.

I headed back to the tavern, feeling odd not having anything with me. The energy was high still and I searched the tavern for Cole. I bumped into shoulders, muttering apologies as I peered around, hoping to spot his large hat. “I thought you were gone for the evening,” Stroud’s voice said.

Turning to face him, I gave a small smile. “I’m looking for Cole. It’s kind of urgent. Have you seen him?” My eyes pivoted around the room, landing back on Stroud.

He glanced around as well, a slight frown on his face. “Last I saw him, he was heading upstairs.”

Of course! His room. I felt a bit of relief and my shoulders relaxed. “Thank you!” I told him, placing a hand on his arm as I went toward the stairs. “You’re the best!” I ran up the stairs, hurrying to the third floor.

The third floor was empty, and I didn’t see Cole in the room. “Cole?” I called in the room. I headed toward the stairs that led to the room with the bed. “Cole?”

“I’m here,” he said from the room, making me freeze. I went back down the stairs, glancing around the dark room.

“I can’t see you, dude,” I told him. I squinted in the darkness, trying to see if I could see his face. He stepped out from a corner, and I felt the relief in my chest, seeing him first.

“What’s wrong?” Cole asked me, coming forward. “Why are you so concerned?”

“Zevran,” I began to explain. “The blonde elf. Why did you let him in?”

He smiled his small innocent smile and I knew that Cullen will not appreciate Cole letting people in for whatever reason. “He needed Leliana. I thought it would make her happy.”

I replied with a smile of my own, understanding where he was coming from. I would have let him in myself if I was by the gate…and had a way of getting him past the guards. Cole should be a spy. Geesh. “They are old friends. I am positive she will be extremely happy to see him again. Only one missing from their old gang is Alistair. And Rowan, but she died to end the Blight.” I glanced over at him. “Don’t get any ideas about Alistair.”

Cole nodded, his face trying to process what I was saying. “You know much about this world, yet yours is a mystery to us all. I wonder if someday you’ll choose to allow one of us in willingly.”

I focused my blue eyes on his face, wondering if I was always subconsciously thinking of my past. Home. No. Skyhold was home now. These people were my home now. “When all this is over, maybe,” I told him. “I’m trying to move forward here now though, Cole. With this life, but I know I won’t be able to let my past go. It’s what made me. It’s what helped me discover you, and I wouldn’t miss getting to know you.”

Cole shook his head and I was pretty sure he was blushing under his hat. “Are…are we….friends?”

I raised my eyebrows, surprised he didn’t know that yet. “We are most definitely friends, Cole.” I glanced back at the stairs going down to the tavern. “I have to get back, but you need to keep hidden from Cullen. He’s not in the best of moods, trust me.”

“He’s upset because I helped,” Cole stated in understanding. “I think he’s upset by many things.”

Understatement. That man gets upset pretty easily, especially when it comes to him and his authority in keeping places safe. Oh, and Hawke, blood magic, and anything really to do with Hawke. “I’ll talk to him and make sure he sees your side.”

“Thank you for looking out for me,” Cole told me. His attention went toward the stairs and he glanced back at me. “Confusion. Frustration. Happiness. Gratitude. Admiration. Another feeling he can’t quite describe. As if energy was building in his chest, trying to break free every time he hears her name or see her face. The rumors are eating at him. She can’t be committed. He tries to let her go, but then he sees her and he is overwhelmed with emotions. Should he go to her? Should he?”

I felt confusion grow in me. I glanced back, almost afraid to see who it was. No one. The room was empty but the two of us. Sighing, I turned to Cole. “I should get going. Just stay out of Cullen’s sight. Alright? I’ll find you tomorrow.”

Cole nodded, his head tilted to the side, taking me in. “Tomorrow then.”

I gave a half smile, heading to the stairs, slowly walking down them. I ran a hand through my hair. Tired from the events of the day. Things weren’t how they were in game. What was going on? I needed to think this through. I headed to the stairs to the first floor, my head in a spin.

So first off, Hawke stayed. Second, Hawke and Stroud are alive because of what I did. Third, I have a demon in my head. Fourth, I’m fucking here. Fifth, Zevran was here. How would this effect what happens at the ball? Would it truly? I felt zombie like as I made my way around tables, trying to get out of the tavern.

 _You changed everything. You touched a rift and undid the balance of Thedas. How selfish. How cruel of you to do this to your friends here but also your family at home. They think you’re dead now. Did you know that? Yes. They are planning your funeral as we speak._ Nightmare hissed.

“Rift! Watch out!” Bull bellowed, grabbing my arm and yanking me aside. I blinked a couple times, figuring out what exactly just happened. “You have to pay attention or you’ll be walking into walls.”

“Thanks,” I told him, rubbing my hands on my face. “I was just lost in thought.”

“Come on,” Bull instructed, leading me back to the table he was at earlier. Dorian still sat there as well, and I knew the two of them were probably having a date like moment. Bull gestured to a chair and gently pushed me into it, before sitting down next to me. “Drink,” he ordered, placing a tankard in front of me.

“I thought you and the Commander were done for the evening?” Dorian asked with a bit of tease. His grey eyes studied me and I saw him notice my mood. “What happened?”

“Nothing, honestly,” I told them. “A correspondence of Leliana’s came tonight and Cullen had to take him to her.” I played with the cup between my hands. “Cole let him in, so I was trying to save him before Cullen found him.”

Bull leaned back in his chair, his face lost in thought. “We are getting more and more unexpected visitors at Skyhold since you arrived,” he thought out loud. I didn’t connect the people coming because of me. How did that make sense though? I didn’t get Anders or Zevran here. They had their own reasons for being here. The events are still going to happen, and at least we will have a base plan for it.

Dorian’s eyes still observed me and I felt rather uncomfortable with it. “He’s getting to you, isn’t he? Nightmare?”

My eyes flickered to his grey ones for a beat before going back to my cup. “Yeah,” I replied truthfully. “Nothing I can’t handle though. I just need some sleep.”

“And beer,” Bull told me, gesturing for me to drink. I lifted it up, drinking the beer, feeling the relaxing effect on me. “See, Rift. Told you it would help.”

“I didn’t mean to interrupt your night,” I apologized. “Or whatever you were doing.” It was my turn to give them wicked grins and Dorian rolled his eyes.

“We weren’t doing anything but having a drink together,” Dorian informed me, lazily crossing his legs and leaning back in his chair.

“Last night though,” Bull chimed in with a saucy grin, causing Dorian to almost blush. “We were doing a lot more than nothing.”

I felt my grin grow wider and I winked at Dorian. “Well I find that adora-bull!”

Bull slapped the table in his laughter and Dorian groaned rolling his eyes once again at my pun. “That’s a good one, Rift!” Bull cheered me, lifting his glass. Someone cleared their throat and we all looked over at Stroud, who was standing there, rather uncomfortably…and drunk? “Warden, care to join?” Bull invited.

Stroud gave a polite smile but shook his head. “I came to tell something to the Captain, if she had a moment free.”

“Then sit and join us! Her moments are always free at the table if a mug is involved,” Dorian told him, gesturing to the chair by Bull and me at the empty side of the table. “We’ll go get another round.” He gestured his head for Bull to follow and Bull glanced back at me with an eyebrow raised.

Stroud took the open seat, his light eyes on me. “I wouldn’t usually do something like this, but I feel that I must before it is too late,” he began. I felt myself panic, hoping he wasn’t the one Cole was talking about when I was up there. “You probably already guessed at how I feel towards you. You are an amazing human being. Fearless. Strong. Brave,” he raved. I felt my mouth open in shock, words wanting to come out, but not being able to form.

Dorian and Bull were at a table behind Stroud, in easy eavesdropping distance away. They didn’t even go get drinks, those bastards. Seriously? I focused on Stroud again, giving him my attention. “Stroud-.”

“Let me finish, please,” he interrupted. He took a deep breath, his face determined. “Hawke told me you are with someone, the Commander. I didn’t realize that you two were seeing each other, or I would have acted sooner.” Stroud licked his lips and glanced back up at me.

“Kassy, I must tell you that I never felt this way for any woman before. There are so many conflicting feelings that I don’t know how to express, but I knew that I must tell you that I have very strong emotions for you.” He reached for my hand. “You are always on my mind, and I am constantly trying to figure out ways to bring you up in conversation. This isn’t just because of the Fade either. I mean, that is a part of this, but only because that showed me what kind of character you have. I have never felt the need to act upon feelings, but please, let me show you how you should be adored and loved.”

I shook my head, putting a hand to it. Did he just say loved? I took in his face, and I saw he was genuine. What the hell? “I’m with Cullen,” I said softly. “Besides, you wouldn’t like my character much after knowing things I’ve done.”

“Are you two in love?” He asked me. I was taken aback by the question and I didn’t answer, glancing over at Dorian and Iron Bull for help. They caught my glance and they looked up at the ceiling pretending not to listen. Seriously?

“I’m a blood mage,” I blurted, thinking this would detour him. “And because of it, I….I have a demon in my head.”

Stroud gave me a small smile. “I drank darkspawn blood and can tell when they are near.” He shrugged. “It would be a lie if I didn’t say that there have been dreams and moments when demons were in my head.”

I was baffled. This man wasn’t even deterred by the thought of me being a blood mage. “But all the Warden’s and blood magic with demons?”

His eyes filled with heat, and I knew he was remembering. “Yes. Blood magic can be wrong, and can corrupt those who use it for evil. You aren’t evil though. If there was one person, beside Hawke, that could use blood magic for good, it would be you.” His hand was still in mine and he gave it a quick squeeze as he looked at them. He let go, pushing his chair back. “Think on it. Please. If you and the Commander were in love, I would step aside, but I will fight hard to prove to you that we could be something amazing.”

“I’m with Cullen, Stroud,” I repeated, my blue eyes meeting his.

“We’ll see.” Stroud stood, giving me a smile and nod before leaving, my face probably just covered in confusion.

“Did that just happen?” I asked aloud, leaning back into my chair, hands on my cup again.

“Yes,” Dorian replied, sitting in the chair Stroud just vacated. “Yes, it did. I’m on Team Cullen by the way.”

“Team Cullen?” Iron Bull asked in shock. “Team Stroud! Did you not hear that speech?”

“Yes, I did.” Dorian replied, leaning on the table toward me. “Cullen and Kassy have a connection. They have since the start.”

“He keeps doubting her though,” Iron Bull argued. “Stroud clearly loves her. Does the Commander feel that way?”

“The Commander just has a hard time conveying his feelings,” Dorian retorted. “The way he looks at her, you’d have to have no eyes to see it.”

“Stroud didn’t even flinch when he told her she had blood magic. He trusts her completely, even with the shit the Wardens pulled with it!”

My head was going back between the two, listening to their arguments, feeling light headed. “I’m going to bed,” I told them, neither of them really paying attention to me. I ran a hand through my hair, pushing away from the table. The two of them were still arguing, slowly moving toward each other. It was probably best I left them before they started doing something more…private.

Neither of them noticed my absence and I chuckled, going out into the night. Welcome to Skyhold, the soap opera of Thedas. Stroud loved me? Dorian and Bull picking teams. I was only on one team. Cullen. Stroud was an amazing guy, but I knew that if it came down to choosing him or Cullen, I would choose Cullen in a heartbeat.

I headed toward the main stairs of Skyhold, wanting to get to my bed faster than heading the back way. I jogged up the stairs and opened the main door, the main hall dark except a few torches. Solas’ office door was open and dark. He must be with Branwen. I wondered if he painted any new paintings. I opened the door to the rampart, ready to drop in bed.

The light from Cullen’s office poured out. _He won’t like it, if you tell him about Stroud. You don’t even want to because your friend told the truth. If he cared, wouldn’t he have said he loved you? He didn’t though._ Nightmare taunted.

Drama King! I told him. Cullen and I was something real. We were what my parents had. Stroud would find something like that too, with someone, eventually. I opened the door to Cullen’s office, Cullen glancing up when he heard the door open. He smiled when he saw me, and I shut the door leaning against it. “Did you find her?”

He rolled his eyes, strolling to the other side of his desk. “I did. He is our spy master’s problem now.” His ankles crossed and he eyed me. “Where did you disappear? I went back to your room and it was empty.”

I shifted my weight, not liking the way he was staring. “I went to talk to Cole.” Cullen crossed his arms and his face instantly was in Commander. Really?

“He needs to be reined in. If he keeps letting anyone in, Skyhold won’t be very safe,” he told me.

“Cole is harmless. He knows when and if they truly need help. Apparently, Zevran really needed help,” I shrugged my shoulders nonchalantly. “While you’re in Commander mode there is something else I should tell you about, so you don’t find out from rumors in the morning.” Getting the focus off Cole was the goal and I realized it worked.

Cullen focused on me, his glance intense. “Should I be calling you Captain?”

I tucked my hair behind my ear, glancing at the ground. For some reason, I felt guilty, as if I was the one that made a declaration to Stroud. I took a step forward. “At Herald’s Rest, after talking to Cole, I saw Stroud.” I chanced a glance up, seeing his golden eyes trying to follow the conversation. “Well, basically he told me that he had very strong feelings toward me and he plans on pursuing it.”

Cullen’s arms dropped and he ran a hand through his hair. “Stroud?” He asked me with shock. I nodded, placing my hands on my hips. “He…that is….he plans…to pursue you?”

“Yes,” I answered. Well this got very awkward.

Cullen cleared his throat and met my eyes. “What did you say?”

“I look forward to it,” I said in a jokingly voice. Cullen’s face fell and I could tell he was hardening. Shit! Kassy, fix this!

“I see,” he began, his arms crossed again. “I thought-.”

“Cullen,” I interrupted him. I took another step toward him and smiled. “I said I was with you, obviously.”

His whiskey eyes held my storm ones and he had the slightest hint of a smile a hand going to the back of his neck. “Maker’s breath, Kassy. So, that’s it then. Nothing else happened?”

“Well, Dorian and Iron Bull made teams. Dorian’s Team Cullen,” I told him with a smile. “Iron Bull team Stroud.”

Cullen gave a “humph” at this, glancing down at his boots before meeting my eyes again. “I…I don’t want you to feel that you are forced to stay in this relationship. I don’t want you playing me. If you want to leave, you are free too.”

“Playing you?” I asked him. “I only told you so that you didn’t hear it from some recruit or Dorian. I am Team Cullen all the way.” I slowly walked toward him and put my hand on his chest, leaning up to whisper in his ear. “You’re stuck with me, Commander.”

Cullen kissed me, his mouth urgent and heavy. I reached a hand down undoing his belt. His hand went into my hair and I moaned, the belt falling off him with a thud. His robe became unfolded and I broke the kiss and pulled it off him. “Unless you rather I leave,” I muttered.

“Andraste, Kassy,” he growled. “You aren’t going anywhere.” His hold was tight on me as he kissed me, and I undid my own belt, throwing it on the ground. I broke the kiss to reach down and grab his robe, walking backwards toward his ladder.

“Get that armor off and I’ll meet you in bed, Commander,” I teased, climbing the rungs while he watched, a hand in his hair. I paid attention to my feet, not wanting to fall by tripping over the fabric. Reaching Cullen’s room, I started to undress, throwing the clothing over the ladder. My corset, went first and I heard it reach the office floor with a light thump. A soft maker’s breath was barely audible and I heard metal clatter on the ground. I quickly kicked off my boots, throwing them next, followed by my shirt and lastly, pants.

I pulled on the fur, rubbing it against my face, and felt the fabric against my skin. It smelled like him. I smiled to myself, going to the window to look out at the night. I heard Cullen start to come up the ladder and I went and sat on the bed, waiting for him.

Cullen’s face was surprised at first when he saw me laying there, but then it turned to pure heat. He crawled onto the bed, his movements, slow and purposeful. He had only his pants on, and I saw his muscles dance with each movement.  I stopped him with my foot when he got to me, pushing it against his chest. He smirked at me, grabbing my foot and kissing it. Cullen’s hands stroked up my leg, his mouth following. He was at my thighs now, kissing his way toward my core. I blushed thinking of what he was about to do.

“Cullen,” I breathed, aware of how long since my bath last night. “I don’t-.”

“Shh,” he replied, his hands running up my sides and he came forward to kiss me with overwhelming passion. “I never imagined you looking as beautiful as you do now.” He nipped my jaw and I closed my eyes, leaning my head back into the pillow. “Maker’s breath, you should only dress in this.”

I giggled, kissing him again, my hands on his back. “People would be confused who was truly Commander. Then there would be chaos, because who would let me command?”

Cullen feathered kisses down my jaw to my chest. “I’d let you,” he said before moving the fabric aside to kiss a breast, licking my nipple and causing me to arch my back. He licked his way down my stomach and to my thighs. His hands were on the top of my thighs now and I leaned down to look at him. He grinned up at me and gave me a wink. I felt my stomach flutter and laid my head back down.

He was kissing me at my mound now, and then his tongue was licking my slit. I moaned as he sucked on my clit. My hips moved forward and Cullen let his hand wander my stomach, as I sighed his name. I felt the familiar pressure building as he licked and sucked, and I was moaning loudly then, my fingers in his hair. I heard myself begging him. He grabbed a leg, throwing it over his shoulder and I gasped in pleasure, feeling myself spin out of control, back arched. I yelled his name as I came and he stopped his movements.

He smirked as he came back up to me, very pleased with himself. “Do all templars get taught how to do that? Or only the Captain?” I teased him, panting still from the high.

He chuckled, kissing me. “You enjoyed it then?”

I laughed, my hands on his shoulders. “More than enjoyed it,” I admitted, blushing. I sat up, and he followed my movements, his hands never leaving my body. I got to my knees, and kissed him, earning a moan. I traced patterns on his chest, down toward his stomach, feeling his muscles. I trailed light kisses down his chest, nipping at skin as I went. I heard his breath quicken and I smirked, going back up to grab his earlobe between my teeth as I unlaced his pants.

We quickly got them off him and I pushed him back, straddling his hips as I ran my hands down his chest, my fingernails lightly swirling down. He growled, his eyes closing in pleasure, before opening in want, his eyes a bit darker. Bedroom eyes, my friends called them.

I leaned down, kissing him fiercely, my tongue entering his mouth. I needed him, right now. He grabbed my hips and rocked himself upward.  I chuckled at him, knowing he was getting impatient. “How did I end up getting the Commander?” I marveled out loud, running my hand back up his chest, I sucked his neck, making sure to leave a mark. Leliana would have a field day with that. “The sexy, heroic, strong,” I kissed my way back to his lips. “Fantastic lion king.” Cullen growled and lifted me so I was above him.

I put my hands on his chest as I slowly sank onto him. I sighed as he filled me and he groaned feeling exactly the same way. I began to circle my hips, causing a “maker’s breath” and “Kass” to escape from his lips as he gripped my hips tightly, moving his own hips. In no time, I had my head back and eyes closed. Cullen’s hand ran up my body, exploring every inch he could. We were both on the brink and he came first growling my name. I felt myself go tense as I came, smiling and laying down on his chest.

I felt Cullen catching his breath, and his hand went to my hair, running his fingers through it. Eventually, our breathing were in sync and he kissed my hair, as I moved off his chest to cuddle by his side. I grinned, wrapping the robe around me more. I laid a leg across him, glancing up at him with a smile.

Well, Captain King. You officially are sleeping with Cullen Rutherford. He couldn’t have just been naturally this good at sex. Where did he learn it? Who? “Are you always so good at this?” I asked, smiling up at him. He chuckled, and I swore he blushed.

“I feel we owe most of the credit to you,” Cullen admitted. “I…I don’t…well, I admit, I don’t have much experience.” His eyes latched onto mine. “I’m afraid to ask who helped you be so…trained.”

I raised my eyebrows at him and leaned on an arm to look at him better. “Are you asking if I’ve had a lot of experience?”

He blushed, looking anywhere but at me. “Andraste. I didn’t mean to…that is…it’s obvious you have had some experience.”

I smiled at him, my hand going to my chest in mock shock. “Commander, are you calling me a harlot?” Cullen’s eyes widened and he sat up, a hand at the bridge of his nose.

“No! That isn’t what I…maker’s breath.” He brought his knees up, leaning an arm on them. I let out a small laugh, and he glanced at me. “What?”

“I know you don’t think I’m a whore,” I told him, sitting up. “And my experience is very limited.”

Cullen’s hand left his nose and his mouth twitched into a half smile. “It wouldn’t have mattered if you did have…. a lot of experience.”

I laughed, grinning at him. “For some reason, I feel that isn’t true.” I sighed, pulling my knees up to my chest. “No worries though, I wasn’t what anyone wanted where I am from. Not the type of girl men fantasized about. Besides,” I said, bumping his shoulder with mine, “the Commander must have had all the girls falling over him.”

He shook his head, his gold eyes glancing at me. “I never paid much attention to them. I was too serious, I suppose. None of them ever made me interested in pursuing anything…until you.”

My eyes flickered on his face, feeling my heart beat fast at his words. “Now that is a lie,” I said softly.

Cullen shook his head, a hand going to my cheek. “No, it’s not. You are a mystery and different. You fight for what you feel is right. You are loyal to those you hardly know, and fight for a cause you only just became a part of. You say things that make no sense to me, but then say other things that make me feel that I know exactly what you are saying. I…I never expected to feel this way, like I do for you.”

If Iron Bull was here for that speech, he would have sided with Team Cullen. I turned my body toward him, feeling my heart beating even faster, my chest glowing from his words. “Cullen,” I began, grabbing his other hand, twining my fingers with his. “When I lost my family, I thought I wouldn’t be able to make it here. That I was alone. I’ve realized though, that I have a home here. That’s mostly because of you,” I explained, his eyes trying to understand my words. “I don’t mean to scare you off, but you’re my family now. And even if there was a way back home, I’m not sure I would have taken it, because of what we have.”

Cullen pulled me onto his lap, kissing me slowly, but hard, his tongue entering my mouth. I sighed and shivered as he held me close, a hand in my hair, the other around my waist.  I placed a hand on his shoulder, the other in his hair. He flipped us, so he was above me and I melted at his touch as we spoke to each other through our bodies.

Adklfjadflajflk

I blinked, a couple times, confused at where I was at. It was different, the smell and lighting. I sat up, glancing around, realizing I was at my parents’ house in the spare bedroom. Sadie was standing there, getting dressed in a lacey black dress, the sleeves short and breezy. I rubbed my eyes, figuring out what was going on. How did I end up here?

“Sadie?” I asked, jumping off the bed and walking slowly toward her. Sadie turned and glanced over toward me, her eyes searching for something. She shook her head, wiping her cheek and I saw the redness to her eyes. She was crying. “Sadie, what’s wrong?” I asked her, going toward her.

She put a hand to her head, her long blonde hair in curls down her back. They always reminded me of Princess Auroras. I gently placed my hand on her shoulder and she glanced behind her, her eyes going around the room, landing on her shoulder. “You’re really gone, aren’t you?” She whispered.

I stared at her in confusion. “No, Sadie, I’m right here,” I told her. “Can’t you see me?” I gestured down to myself, thinking she would be excited to see me. I placed my arms around her and she let out a sob. “I’m right here.”

Sadie put her arms around herself, and looked around the room. “Why did this happen to you? I thought you might still be out there, but I feel you.”

“I am still out there, Sadie,” I told her, frustrated she wasn’t listening. “Look at me!”

She went to the dresser, putting on her jewelry. I noticed the necklace she was wearing, the one I wore often from the Renaissance Fair, having a moon and star. She put on a bracelet and took a deep breath, wiping her tears from her cheeks again. There was a knock at the door. “Babe?” Sam came in and she saw the tears coming from my sister. “I know,” she told Sadie, holding her in her arms. “Your parents are almost ready.”

Sadie nodded. “I hear her today,” she told Sam. “Sam, she’s really gone. Not just missing…gone.”

Sam’s eyes filled with tears of her own and she stroked Sadie’s hair. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “Are you going to be able to do the speech?”

Sadie pulled away nodding. “No, but I will. For Kassy.” She grabbed a tissue from the box on the dresser and wiped her eyes and nose. “I need to fix my makeup, I’ll be there in a moment.”

Sam gave her a quiet okay, leaving the room. Sadie glanced around again. “Stay with me Koos-Koos? For the funeral, at least? I need you,” she whispered to the room.

I realized then that she couldn’t see me, or maybe even hear me. I felt tears of my own, realizing this. What the hell was going on? Was I a ghost? Was Thedas really heaven or something? It didn’t matter, my sister needed me right now, and I would do anything for her. “Of course, Dean,” I told her, using my nickname for her growing up.

She gave a wobbly smile, going out the door. I followed, looking around the house. There were flower arrangements everywhere, along with cards. Sam was waiting in the living room for Sadie, her own dress, long and blowing from the open windows. I saw more pictures of the family out. Particularly ones of us kids.

Mom was standing with a picture in her hand. A picture of me and Sadie when we were little in the Smokey Mountains. She was still gorgeous, even with red eyes from crying. She had on earrings I got her a couple years ago, black ones with silver dragonflies. I went to her, hugging her from behind. She gasped when I touched her and a fresh wave of tears rolled down her face.

Dad came from the kitchen, walking toward my mom. I felt my chest heave and I felt the sob escape me. “Dad,” I whispered, running up to him and putting my arms around him. He seemed to stop, glancing around him and I saw the tears forming in his eyes, refusing to fall. “Daddy?” I said again, whishing he could hear me.

“Time to go,” he told my mom gently, grabbing her hand. She nodded, looking down at the picture. “It’s like I feel her today,” she told Dad, following him, my sister and Sam getting the cue. They got in the car and suddenly I was in a graveyard. This was familiar. It was the same one that my grandparents planned on getting buried in. I glanced around, wondering how I got here so fast.

I walked toward the casket, seeing my other siblings. I let out another sob, seeing my siblings, wanting more than anything to touch them and have them know it was me. Friends were standing behind my family, none of them with smiles. I saw Leaha and Fake Cullen, and I wondered if they thought I was alive.

Sadie was walking toward the casket and I hurried, remembering I told her she wouldn’t be alone up there. She took a deep breath and I put a hand in hers, hoping she felt it. “I’m here, Dean.”

“Koos-koos,” she whispered, licking her lips and looking at the crowd with a small smile. “Kassy used to joke about what she would leave behind when she died. She used to say, you can have all my books, the ones Mom doesn’t want, but you need to write a damn good eulogy. So, this is my best that I could do. She thought she would leave behind worldly treasures: books, money, her car. She left behind something more though: memories.” She took a deep breath, closing her eyes. “I hate that she left me so many memories. So many things that when I look around I see her. I hate it because the tears come easier and more frequently. I hate it, because it happened too soon. I hate it, because I keep saying I’ll be strong tomorrow, and I keep breaking that promise.”

Sadie opened her blue eyes, and I felt the tears on my cheeks. “Let’s be honest though, Kassy was a very free and kind spirit. She made sure that she was remembered without even trying. Most people think of the last words their loved ones said to them. I can’t remember mine. I know the last text, but what was the last words she said to me, or mine to hers. We take lives for granted, when, they can disappear in a moment.” Sadie glanced over at our family. “Kassy was always about loyalty and commitment. She was always there. Even now, she is here. I think the hardest part of this was not actually finding her body and accepting that we won’t ever find it. That the explosion that happened there, took the only thing we could have to grieve over. I’m realizing that she is here.” She sniffed and unfolded a piece of paper. “I wrote a poem for her.

_“I remember when I heard the news/The day I realized I lost you/ I remember going through your room/ All the memories of you/ I remembered there and then/ We would never speak again./ I remember the way you used to laugh/ It didn’t take much to amuse you/ I remember how you told stories/Never one too long for you/ I remembered there and then/ We would never speak again/ I remember the way you’d protect/ Nothing seemed to scare you/ I remember how you loved/ A heart so big how did it fit in you?/ I remembered yet again/We would never speak again/I thought this must be true/ For I almost forgot the tone of you/But I heard today, for the first time in a long time/I asked you if it was you, and you said/ Remember this for here and forever again/“Never say we won’t speak again”.”_

I felt the tears on my cheeks and I squeezed her hand, “Thanks, Dean.” I put my other arm around her holding her. “I love you.”

 _They’ll never know you are alive. You are dead to them. Resting in peace. They’ll never search for you or attempt to find you. You are dead. Alone. Not even a ghost to haunt them. This isn’t real. This is just what you hoped to see. You can’t ever go back home. You are stuck here. Forever. Alone._ Nightmare taunted as the graveyard disappeared and the world went dark. I glanced around for him, wondering how to get back. A shadow started to show and Nightmare loomed over me, his eyes blinking bright in the darkness. _Your dreams are mine to control. Remember?_ He put a leg out and stabbed it in my arm, where my protection spell was. I cried in pain, glancing up at him, my breath quickening in terror. _You can’t keep me back for long. I will come out and at the time of most inconvenience for you. Remember that. Remember that this is your own fault._ He moved aside and Cullen laid there with his lion helmet by his side covered in blood. _You will lose everything you love._ No! Cullen! No!

Something wrapped around me and I thrashed against it, hearing Nightmare cackle as I fought against him. I felt my breath leave me before I closed my eyes taking a deep breath and opened them, blinking hard. What? I saw the light from the moon shining in still and the arms still around me. I panicked, flailing my arms and moving to get away.

 “Kassy, shh. It’s okay,” Cullen chanted and I looked around like a trapped animal, trying to find him. I glanced down and saw his arms around me, my mind finally kicking in that I was really awake. I felt my panic lessen, but my heart and breathing were fast, tears on my face. “You’re okay,” he whispered into my hair.

It was a dream? All a dream? It was too real? I remembered Cullen laying there, his whiskey eyes wide and lifeless, looking up, blood coming off him. I remember seeing the blood-stained helmet by him, sitting in the pool of blood. I remember the funeral with Sadie and my family. Her words. Did I make them up or Nightmare? Or was it real? Nightmare.

I spun around, searching for his face. I held it in my hands, studying it, making sure he was truly okay. “Kassy?” He asked, his own hands going to my face. I saw his eyes look at me in confusion. I let out a sob of relief, once realizing he was okay, before breaking down, not able to push past this.

“You were-. He said-.” I tried to tell him, not knowing how to explain what I dreamed to him. “He’s going to kill you somehow,” I managed to tell him.

Cullen shook his head, trying to follow. “Who is?” He asked.

“Nightmare,” I told him. “He showed me my funeral and you dead next to him after to let me know that he is somehow going to kill you.”

Cullen pulled me to him, my face in between his shoulder and neck. I gripped on to him, glad to feel the heat of him against me. The feeling of his breath against my chest. “I’m here. He’s not going to get me,” he assured me softly.

I felt the sobs disappear and I gave a soft hiccup, glancing up at him. “I’m sorry,” I said, embarrassed, wiping off my face. I felt the fur by my face and realized I was still in his robe. I wrapped it around myself, feeling like a little kid with a scary dream. Should you have him check under the bed for monsters?

He shook his head, wiping tears from my face. “You’ve dealt with some nightmares of my own, I can do the same for you.” He smiled gently at me and I smiled back, lifting a hand to touch his scar on his mouth. “Sing for me?” Cullen breathed.

“Which song?” I asked him softly, as he tucked some hair behind my ear. I trailed patterns down his chest. He knew singing helped me when I was emotional.

“La vie en rose,” he requested, laying down, pulling me with him. He held me against his chest, his fingers playing with my hair. I snuggled into him, feeling his strength and warmth.

“ _Hold me close, and hold me fast. This magic spell you cast. This is la vie en rose. When you kiss me, heaven sighs. And though I close my eyes, I see la vie en rose.”_ I sang softly, placing my hand on his heart, feeling it beat. “ _When you press me to your heart, I’m in a world apart. A world where roses bloom! And when you speak, angels sing from above. Every day words seem to turn into love songs. Give your heart and soul to me. And life will always be.”_

“ _La vie en rose,”_ Cullen sang and I smiled up at him.

“You have an amazing voice,” I complimented, loving the ringing tone to it. Even when he sang The Dawn will Come, I got goosebumps when you heard him join.

“Not like yours,” he retorted and I rolled my eyes. He couldn’t even take a compliment, but my fears from Nightmare have faded a bit. We laid there in silence, holding each other until the dawn came.

Adfkadjfa;dsjkf

“Inquisitor, there is no need for him to go!” Cullen argued, pointing toward Hawke. Hawke was leaning against the war table, arms crossed against his chest. He raised his eyebrows, crossing his ankles as he watched the Commander and Inquisitor fight.

“He has been of great help in the past, and I plan on using all the help I can get,” Branwen told Cullen.

“He’ll probably bring Anders,” Cullen argued. “He doesn’t go anywhere without him, it seems.”

“He’s not wrong,” Hawke agreed. “I do bring him everywhere. Like a puppy.”

“See,” Cullen told her. “Can’t you see how the court might not receive us very well with a mage who is well known for blowing up the Kirkwall chantry?”

Branwen considered this for a moment. Her eyes going between Cullen and Hawke. “Hawke,” she addressed him.

“Yes, Inquisitor?” He said playfully.

“Promise that Anders won’t blow anything up while we are there?” She asked in equal amount of teasing.

“I promise he’ll restrict himself,” Hawke assured her. “Plus, he’s house trained!”

“Excellent!” She exclaimed, turning to Cullen. “See, now we don’t have to worry about explosions or public urination! Everything is alright, Commander.”

“If I may,” Zevran interrupted, his face even more handsome in daylight. His tattoos were more prominent and I couldn’t help staring at him.

“No, you may not,” Cullen grunted. He turned to Leliana. “Please, Leliana. I thought these meetings were confidential.”

“Commander, shush,” Leliana told Cullen. “Just stand there and look pretty.”

I giggled and Cullen rolled his eyes, crossing his arms. Zevran gave a flashy smile. “As I was saying. I think that you might be approaching this all wrong. Do all of us have to be announced that we are there?”

Branwen tilted her head, considering this. “Go on,” she told him.

“I can have Zevran sneak some other companions in through a secret way, ready to help fight when needed,” Leliana explained. “That way, the court doesn’t know the difference. Hawke, Anders, and Zevran can all go another way.”

Branwen glanced over at me. “Your thoughts, Captain?”

I glanced over at Zevran. “If he thinks he can find another way in, I say let them.” I shrugged my shoulders. “If he’s good enough for King Alistair, he’s good enough for us.”

“How did you know about Alistair?” Leliana asked, her eyes squinting at me. Zevran observed me as well, the smile still on his face.

“Stand there and look pretty,” I told her, not thinking of a good story, earning a smirk from Cullen. Leliana eyed me, Zevran nodding his head approvingly.

“Alright then,” Branwen agreed, focusing on Zevran. “You make a plan and let me know by tonight. We leave tomorrow.”

“Yes Inquisitor,” Zevran said, bowing to her. He turned his attention to me. “Captain, would a minute of your time to explain what you know of the castle be too much to ask?”

“Yes,” Cullen muttered and I raised my eyebrows at him, rolling my eyes.

“Not a problem, Legolas,” I said with a friendly grin. Zevran noticed the name, but did not comment on it, considering it probably. He was always one to have fun with the unusual.

“Did you have my report, Captain?” Branwen asked me, as she gave the layout of the castle another glance.

“Of course, Inquisitor,” I informed her, grabbing it from the table in front of me and handing it to her. “Everything I know is in there. Only need to know eyes, remember,” I warned her.

“So, I shouldn’t declare it a proclamation for the Inquisition?” She questioned, a teasing smile on her face. “Damn. Why even give it to me then, Captain?”  She grinned at me, walking toward the exit. “We’ll go over the plan again when we rest at camp tomorrow evening.”

“Copy that, Inquisitor,” I said absent mindedly, glancing at the map, trying to remember if I knew any secret entrances at all from the game. I knew the library was empty, but how can they get in there. Also, can it be guaranteed that there wouldn’t be anyone in there. Damn. This was getting complicated in real life. I hoped that the blackmail was where it is supposed to be.

“Captain,” Josephine called, and I glanced up toward her as she came toward me. “Are you able to get those sketches to me before we leave. Having a in depth drawings of what the items and locations look like will help our mission tremendously.”

“I’ll work on those as soon as I am done with Z,” I promised her. “I should have them finished by dinner. Most of them at least.”

Josephine nodded her approval. “If you have time, a couple more outfit designs would be great conversation topic at the ball. Many are looking for unique designs like your own. You would cause quite a stir, in a good way.” Her golden shirt hit the light just right and I thought about what she said. A fashion designer, here in Thedas? Not exactly the job we had in mind Captain King, but it definitely was one of your top ten in Michigan.

“Absolutely,” I assured her. “Anything to help the Inquisition.” I leaned my hip against the table, crossing my arms. “Is there anything else?”

“No. That is all I have written down,” Josephine said with a grin, glancing down at her paper. “When you are finished with the drawings, bring them to the Inquisitor or Cullen. They have specific plans in mind for retrieving the information.”

“As you say,” I replied, turning back to the map. “Oh, Josephine!” I exclaimed, causing her to look back at me from the door way. Almost everyone was gone besides, Zevran, who was waiting by the map, and Leliana and Cullen, who were discussing a strategy at the other end of the table. “Do you think I could get new armor? My other armor was sort of destroyed in the Fade, with you know….everything happening.”

Josephine wrote something on her paper, glancing back up at me. “Of course, Captain. I’ll make sure you have it by tomorrow morning.”

“Thanks, Josephine, you rock,” I said, smiling at her as she blushed and walked out of the room.

“You are very good at your compliments, no?” Zevran observed, giving a flirty smile at the table.

“You are very flirty, no?” I replied, earning a beaming smile from Zevran.

“I am only honest. If it happens to be flirting, then it just shows how beautiful you really are,” he returned and I smiled rolling my eyes.

“Alright, Legolas. Let’s get down to business,” I told him. His eyes came on me and a wicked smile came on his face

“This, Legolas. Is he an attractive elf? Tall, strong, excessively good-looking? Am I right?” Zevran didn’t have on the skull mask today and I didn’t realize how attractive he was in real life. No wonder Sarah was down with this elf.

I smirked, crossing my arms. “You are right. Except, he doesn’t have tattoos.” I looked him up and down, “Or muscles, really.” I rolled my eyes. “Okay, so you are more attractive, okay Z?”

“Z, now? I am liking all the nicknames. Have you thought of getting a tattoo?” Zevran asked and I knew where this was going. I remember his conversation with Alistair well.

“Not if it includes bathing me in oils,” I responded, glancing down at the map, not wanting to flirt with him. It was so easy too though. It’s like flirting is his way of talking.

“So, you know of the ritual,” he told me crossing his arms. “King Alistair himself almost got one.”

“Almost?” I asked, grinning. “So, he found out about the ritual and decided against it too? What was he going to get?”

“I believe he told me it was the name of the love of his life,” he informed me.

“Rowan,” I breathed, glancing up at him. Zevran’s hazel eyes met my blue ones and he gave me a genuine stare of confusion.

“How?” He asked. “How did you know about Rowan?”

“It’s an amazing love story,” I told him, thinking that was enough of an explanation. “Her declaring that she was going to marry Alistair but died defending him against the dragon. That was ultimate true love right there.”

“Yes, but how did you know that?” Zevran asked once again. I sighed, licking my lips.

“You should know now, that I know a lot about this world. I’m not from here. I’m from a different world completely. I have a deal with everyone here, that I give information, and they don’t ask how I know. I’m extending this to you as well,” I told him.

Zevran eyed me, sizing me up. “You are a mystery, Captain.”

“I’ve been told,” I replied with a smile. “Now back to this?” I asked, pointing to the maps.

We discussed possible ways to get into the castle, settling with somehow coming in through the garden to the top. I left Zevran with Leliana, their spy talk almost code to me. I felt like in grade school, not cool enough to be part of the pig Latin club. Except for Sydney Black who told me I looked like a pig, which was close enough to speaking the language of it. I remember that day perfectly. Stupid, look like you have no neck, Sydney Black. I used to think she was like a Barbie doll, who you pulled the head off of and had to push it back on, so the Barbie looked like she had no neck. Yeah, that was Sydney Black. Well, who is a pig now Sydney. This pig is sleeping with the Commander. Note to self, shouldn’t refer to self as pig in thoughts.

“What has you thinking so hard?” A voice asked, their stride keeping up with mine. I was skipping down the stairs, not quite knowing where I was going.

“Sydney Black,” I replied automatically with a bit of heat. “She used to say I looked like a pig,” I informed them, feeling stupid as soon as I said it, not knowing why it still bugged me all these years later.

“I think you are far from that,” he replied and I felt panic, realizing I was talking to Stroud. I cleared my throat, tucking hair behind my ear. “In fact, I think you are one of the most-.”

“Listen,” I told Stroud, interrupting him. “It’s not that you aren’t a nice dude. I know you are. It’s just that, I’m with Cullen.”

“You’ve said that,” Stroud told me. “What you fail to tell me, is if you two are in love.”

I walked toward the training yard, hoping I might be able to escape him by doing an hour of training before doing my drawings. “You see,” I began, walking and pretending to think while I did so. Stroud kept perfect pace and I cursed his Warden training. “We haven’t exactly, had that talk yet.”

“You haven’t?” Stroud asked, mustache twitching with his smile. “Then that means I am free to try.”

“I don’t quite get that concept,” I told him. “It doesn’t mean I’m not with Cullen any less.”

“It doesn’t mean you are. Not when there is someone standing right here, telling you they love you,” he stated loudly, his voice getting passionate with his words. I saw many heads turn at his declaration, Cassandra included. She raised her eyebrows intrigued, and I stared at him in shock.

“You love me?” I asked him, my hand still on the swords. “You hardly know me. You love the idea of me, not me.”

“No,” he argued. “I know you. I’ve talked with you. Watched you. Fought with you. I love you, more than I have ever loved another in my life.”

“I…I…,” I didn’t know how to handle this situation. Any help now would be great.

“If he felt the same, wouldn’t the Commander have said it by now?” Stroud asked and I felt defensive.

“My relationship with Cullen is my business,” I told him. “Stroud. I’m with Cullen. I choose Cullen.”

“Stroud,” Cullen’s voice called behind me. I turned, seeing him walking toward us, his sword in hand, looking every part the Commander. “Care to practice with me?”

Stroud raised an eyebrow, smirking a little. “Just practice, Commander?”

Cullen was in Commander mode, his posture and tone full of intimidation and authority. “Did you want to wager something on it? I’m here to train, not gamble.”

“Let’s pretend that we were going to wager it. The winner gets the ale,” Stroud told him. Cullen understood exactly what the ale meant in this scenario. His glance flickered to me and back to Stroud. I could see him debating what to do. He wouldn’t back away from a challenge, it wasn’t Cullen to do so.

Don’t sink so low Cullen. Don’t do it! Kassy, come on! Two men having a fight over you! Let him do it! I had a war in my head, cheer leader versus common sense. The cheer leader was winning. Take that, Sydney no neck! Two attractive men fighting over me!

“Alright then,” Cullen’s low voice said, breaking me from my thoughts. “Ale it is then.”

Maker’s breath! Where was Dorian when I needed him?


	18. Chapter 18

**I do not own any characters. They all belong to the Inquisitor…I mean Bioware. Shout out to my Beta reader Eruya. Thank you to everyone that followed/favorited/commented on this story! I really appreciate it! Hope you enjoy this chapter! Rated M for language and lemons.**

**Chapter 18**

Do I stop this? Do I keep watching it? Would that make them upset? Ugh! Never have I ever been in this situation. Cassandra came to stand by me, her eyebrow arched high. “Should I assume this is about more than ale?”

I crossed my arms, my fingers on my left hand resting on my mouth, a nervous habit I formed in high school. I glanced over at her before shrugging my shoulders and focusing on the men. “Maybe they really appreciate ale,” I suggested.

Cassandra made a disgusted noise, rolling her eyes. “Sera is telling everyone about the declaration at Herald’s Rest,” she told me.

“Okay,” I admitted, hands going to my hips. “It’s about me. Happy?”

Cassandra smirked, crossing her arms across her chest and leaning on her right leg. “It is surreal, is it not? Almost like a scene from Varric’s novels.”

I let out an amused grunt, smiling slightly before glancing at her. “The Knight Captain and the Warden, fighting for her heart?”

Cassandra’s smirk turned into a grin and she watched Cullen and Stroud getting into position. The other recruits stopped to see the Commander’s fight against a Warden. The crowd was forming in front of Cassandra and I and she gave a grunt of annoyance, as the crowd blocked our view of the first swing. Who did it? Move people!

Cassandra made her way to the front, shoving a shoulder against people, making a path for us. I trailed her, not wanting to miss any more of the duel. I heard the clashing of steel and the audience talking in low voices, making me nervous to see what was happening. Besides Cassandra, no one else suspected the reason for this fight. I slid past a soldier, finally at the front. Cullen and Stroud were pretty much on the same level when it came to experience. Watching such a high skilled fight was so fascinating and nerve-wrecking. Stroud’s style was very different from Cullen’s but they both anticipated each other’s moves without thinking, both concentrating on only the tension from the two of them.

Come on, Cullen! What happened if he didn’t win this fight? Stroud was a very amazing man, but I want Cullen. I was meant to be with him. This fight was so stupid, I decided. Didn’t what I want mean anything? No matter the result of this fight, I wasn’t going to abide by their dumb wager. I heard the Princess Jasmine quote in my head, “I am not a prize to be won!” Yet, it’s kind of cool that people even think me a prize.

“Who are we hoping wins?” Cassandra asked in a low voice. Her eyes were also hypnotized by the fight, not able to look away.

“Not that either of them listened to me earlier, but Cullen,” I answered, wincing as Stroud hit Cullen’s armor. “Stroud told me he wasn’t going to stop pursuing unless Cullen and I were in love.”

Cassandra gave a quick laugh, a hand going to her chin. “Are you?”

I let out a deep sigh, glancing at her for a quick second, before staring at Cullen. His face was focused, determination on his face. His eyes were bright with exhilaration, and he was never sexier than now. What would I do without him? Who was I kidding? I’ve been in love with him since I first saw him at the tower in Origins. “Without a doubt,” I confessed with dreamy smile.

Her face was filled with wonder as she stared at me, her eyes trying to figure me out. “You should tell him then,” Cassandra told me, her eyes fierce. “Now, before this fight becomes something more.”

I heard a grunt, and Stroud shield bashed Cullen, who recovered quickly. Neither of them had a lead on this fight, probably going until one of them fell from exhaustion. They both were in it to win the fight, which flattered and worried me. “In front of everyone?” I questioned her looking at the crowd.

“This fight is only going to end when one of them collapses. Do you have a plan if Stroud wins?” Her voice was matter of fact and I gave a sigh. Damn her being right. This was not how I planned on ever telling him. If ever. I would have waited him out on this.

The fight was more intense now as the blur of swords continued, both of them not even letting their guard down for a second. Many were cheering now, many shouting advice to the Commander, and still they fought on, their focus never breaking. They were both sweating from the exertion and I bit my lower lip. Alright, Captain King. Do this! Tell him! Fuck, this was nerve wrecking.

“Alright!” I declared, grabbing Cassandra’s sword and stepping forward, prepared to physically stop the fight if I had too. More like use it to block any accidental swings that could otherwise probably kill me. I straightened my shoulders walking with long strides, like a Captain breaking up a fight with his crew. I got nearer and the two of them put their swords down, panting heavily. I turned to the rest of the people.

 Cassandra was by me, probably followed close behind the whole time, and she glanced around.  “Back to your training! The Commander is needed by the Inquisitor!” People groaned as they followed the Seeker’s orders, knowing it would be unwise otherwise. I gave her a small smile of thanks, handing her the sword.

“Sorry I took it without thinking,” I confessed, my hand wanting something to hold as I turned to the men. Cassandra sheathed the sword, her brown eyes on me expectantly.

Cullen and Stroud were poised like the leaders they were, both not letting on just how intense that fight just was. “I have training,” Cassandra stated, leaving me with a raised eyebrow and expectant straight face. I felt like a little kid when she did that face.  “I’ll leave you to it, Captain.”

I nodded in reply, watching her leave, my hands on my hips. “As entertaining as that fight was, and as much as anyone here loves ale,” I began, addressing the men and gaining their attention. Cullen’s golden eyes were hidden with his Commander mode, no expressions getting through his stone exterior. Stroud had questions in his eyes, with a hint of anger. Alrighty. Let’s do this King. “That was pretty hardcore fighting.”

“A fight that wasn’t and isn’t over,” Stroud informed me, glancing over at Cullen. Cullen’s expression didn’t change, but I saw his jaw stiffen.

“It is Stroud,” I said gently, touching his arm. “I know this isn’t about ale. You deserve someone that could love you for everything you are. That is your home,” I told him. “I can’t be that person.”

Stroud’s eyebrows furrowed and he frowned as he studied me. “You could,” he said in exasperation. He reached out a hand for me, but I pulled away from him, stepping back toward Cullen.

I shook my head at Stroud, turning to face Cullen. He was watching us, his sword sheathed and arms crossed. His eyes followed my movement, flickering toward Stroud before coming back to me. “I am completely, and heart wrenchingly in love with you,” I confessed. “This definitely isn’t when or how I ever wanted to tell you,” I gestured toward the training field. “In front of Stroud.” His Commander mode was gone, his eyes processing what I said. “I mean…I wasn’t planning…. God….” I took a breath, licking my lips, wishing I could read his expression. “You don’t have to answer right away or anything if you want to think it over or think it’s too-.”

Cullen’s shield dropped to the ground and suddenly he was kissing me, reminding me of how he sneak kisses you in game. My hands went to his chest, pressing against his. His lips were in a smile as he broke it. “I love you, too.” His voice was husky and I felt the butterflies in my stomach, erupt. I gave a love-struck grin, his arms still holding me.

“I see I have lost this fight after all,” Stroud admitted, breaking the moment between Cullen and me. I tore my attention away from Cullen to look at Stroud. His posture was stiff and too formal. “I’m sorry for any issues that arose from my behavior.”

“You’ll see that I wasn’t the best pick for you anyhow,” I said in a joking tone. “I’m a lot to handle.”

Stroud gave a half smile. “I’ll leave the Commander to handle it then. I shall see you around, Captain. Commander.” Stroud gave an awkward head nod toward us before walking away toward the main area of Skyhold. He ran a hand down his face, as he walked away, his movements a little too rough. Probably anger.

I felt guilt in my stomach for somehow letting him believe I ever would have been an option for him. Wait…Kassy….do you realize what just happened? Cullen said he loved you. He. Loves. You! Cullen Stanton Rutherford is in love with you. Also, you broke the heart of a guy who is a great person. That sort of ruins the mood.

“Kass?” Cullen asked, gaining my attention. I focused back on him, my eyes going to his. He put a hand under my chin, holding my eyes. “You will never be too much to handle.”

I felt my chest glow at his words and I felt tears in my eyes. Ugh! No, Kassy! No being a woman. Alright, I can’t help it! Besides my parents, no one ever really made me feel I was loved, unconditionally. Yet, only a few months of knowing him, he made me feel this way. Maybe it was because neither of us have truly been in committed relationships before. That I knew of. I saw his face get worried as he noticed the tears in my eyes.

“I’m fine,” I told him, laughing a little, reaching up to wipe under my eyes. “Did you know you’re perfect?”

Cullen raised an eyebrow, his eyes flickering across my face, landing on my lips. He leaned down to kiss me again, my hand touching his face. He was sweaty from his fight and I remembered the way he looked with a sword in his hand and in the mode.

“I shouldn’t keep the Inquisitor waiting,” Cullen softly told me, letting his arms go.

I grabbed his arm, shaking my head at him. “Cassandra made that up to get the crowd away. You two really struck up an audience,” I teased. “They all think you really love ale now.”

Cullen rolled his eyes, but he had a smirk on his face. A hand went to the back of his neck and he shrugged his shoulders. “I…I couldn’t help myself. I saw him with you, and after the past couple days….well…I figured it was more ethical than physical contact.”

I narrowed my eyes in confusion, tilting my head. “So instead you decided a duel was the best choice?”

Cullen turned a little red. “I suppose,” he replied.

I gave an exasperated sigh. “See! There is that answer again!” I stood on tiptoe to kiss his cheek. “I was going to train, but I now have to go work on drawings for Josephine.”

Cullen’s whiskey eyes glanced me up and down. “I should get back to training,” he informed me, his hand on my hip. “Will I see you later?”

I took his hand in mine and started to walk away from him. I shrugged my shoulders and pretended to be nonchalant. “I suppose, but only if I get the key to my room and my sword back.” Cullen laughed, shaking his head, bending over to grab his shield. I bit my lower lip, watching him as he shot me a final smile, striding back to the training field. “I’m serious about the key and sword!” I called after him. I tucked my hair behind my ear, tilting my head as I watched him walk away, my lips forming a smile.

I twirled around with a humongous grin. That man was my everything, that was for sure. I felt my heart beat fast and I let out a huge sigh. Today was a great day. _Enjoy it while you can. While you sword play, I will be learning your magic. Fade and cold._ Nightmare hissed.

I froze at that, thinking on what he said. He could learn my magic? Was this Nightmare being an ass or him legit warning me? I knew only one person who could explain to me the Fade deal with the demon and how to learn to keep him away. Fuck! I so didn’t want to have to talk to Solas about having more lessons. I needed to embrace my mage side and learn what I could do. Not just enhance with blood magic. Though blood magic was awesome, I was finding myself not wanting to deal with it while Nightmare was in my head. This was the path I wanted though, right?

Shit! Alright, so you take one problem and knock it down. Go talk to Solas and then work on your sketches for Josephine. Time to put on the Captain pants and do what is best for you…and the Inquisition. I headed toward Skyhold, hoping Solas was in his study.

The office was quiet when I entered and I glanced up, seeing if I could see any sign of Dorian or Leliana. I never really thought to look up in this room. I just always looked down into it or around it. A book went flying over the balcony and I watched it land on the stone floor with a thud. Solas glanced up from his own reading, sighing before standing to pick up the book and place it on his desk. As he set the book on his desk he noticed me, his face serene as always. “Captain,” he said in his even voice.

“Solas,” I greeted him, entering the room and shutting the door. “There is something I wanted to talk to you about.”

His demeanor changed to hostile and he came closer to me. “I don’t know why you must harass me so about this subject, but I am not interested in hearing about how you feel I am a deity.”

Wow…this got intense fast. I raised my eyebrows at him, clearing my throat. “I wasn’t going to discuss that at all. Actually, I need your fade knowledge.”

Solas gave me a small smile, probably secretly pleased I had an interest in the Fade. Please don’t give a lecture. He crossed his arms, examining me. “The Fade is vast in knowledge. What exactly are you hoping to gain?”

Such sentence formation. No wonder he was so smart. I blinked at him a couple times, trying to remember why I was here. Oh yeah. “I want you to teach me how to control the sight. So, Nightmare can’t use it.” I clasped my hands in front of me, hoping I seemed more pathetic and demure this way.

Solas studied me for a moment as his body language became more relaxed. His eyes bore into mine, and I wondered what other beings he did this to. He was a god after all, taking down Flemeth and everything. Suddenly, I was aware of just how powerful Solas was. Solas was a god. Even gods can be persuaded to change their minds though, right? Maybe if I help him get the artifacts. The one that Corypheus has? Isn’t that what he was after? Focus Kassy! Fade right now, Solas doesn’t betray us plan later. After all, Solas wasn’t truly a villain. He was doing what he thought he had to as a god. There are other gods though. Ones that might have just as much power as-. No! Kassy! Focus on this, damnit!

“Does he trouble you with the Fade?” Solas questioned. I glanced at his ears, wondering how he became a god. Fuck you, Kassy. Stop with the god thing already.

“Isn’t the Fade your dreams or subconsciousness? He’s been running my dreams lately,” I admitted, wanting him to be impressed with my Fade knowledge. I listened to him sometimes in game…I just listened to everyone else a little more. “He says he’s learning my magic while I swordfight. I figured it’s time to really accept my mage side. Especially the Fade.” I shrugged my shoulders giving him a small smile. “Who else to go to about the Fade then you?”

Solas was about to open his mouth, and I held up a hand. “I’m sorry, I know you were going to speak, but I have to say something else.” This was going to be rough. Do it Kassy. You know you need to. “I know you wanted to give me lessons before, and you were being nice about it. I know you don’t want me to mention it, but I think I am slightly terrified to get lessons from you. I know you won’t admit it, but you’re a fucking god. A god of evil according to the Dalish, apparently. Don’t forget, I know what you want with the world. I’ve seen it. It’s a little nerve wrecking not knowing what can happen in the Fade with my powers and a powerful god like yourself.” I took a deep breath before continuing, keeping my blue-grey eyes on his.

“I’ve gotten to know you though, and know you want the same result as me. Corypheus to fall and the world restored.” Even though he created this and his version of restored is a bit chaotic. “I need your help with Nightmare, Solas. I need to stop ignoring the powers I have and learn them so that I can beat Nightmare when he goes to use them. Please, please help me. You know the most about the Fade.”

Wow. Way to sound pathetic, Kassy. Whatever got Solas to help. Solas’ gaze was steady with mine and he gave a short nod. “For the Inquisition.”

My grin was wide as I sighed in relief. “When did you want to start oh wise one?”

Solas shook his head and I bet he instantly regretted helping me. “Tonight,” he instructed. “When all is quiet. Meet me here.”

“Sounds like a pl-. Ah, shit!” I cried as a book hit my face with a lot of force. “Damn it Dorian!” I called up to him, holding my eye and picking the book up. Him and his fucking book throwing.

Dorian peered over the edge at me, his face between humored and apologetic. “My apologies, Kassy. I didn’t realize Solas had a guest.”

I knew I would be humored about this later, but my eye fucking hurt. “We were supposed to be amigos!” I said with exaggeration, pointing to my eye. “Now I’ll never be beautiful!”

Dorian shook his head, playing along with my dramatics. “There, there. You’ll always be beautiful to me.” He leaned on the railing, a cheek in his hand. “One of the rarest beauties I’ve seen.”

I gave him a grin, pressing the book to my chest. “Like a unicorn?” Did they know about unicorns here? They had to. They had dragons, they had to know about fucking unicorns. I swear a lot in my mind.

Dorian shook his head, a hand to his chest. “I’m afraid I am the only unicorn. You are like another mythical creature. Yes, you are a beautiful cyclops.”

I frowned at him, rolling my eyes. “Gee Dorian. You know how to make a gal feel spectacular.”

“I try,” he told me, giving me a wink and going back to his books. I sighed turning to Solas. “I’ll see you later then man..err…elf,” I corrected myself, giving him a wave and going to the rampart. He gave me a nod goodbye, his eyes giving me the usual puzzled look after having in depth conversations with him.

I closed the door breathing in the fresh air and gently touched my eye. Yeah, that wasn’t going to look pretty. Good thing there weren’t many mirrors. I should ask Josephine if I could get one in my room. And a desk. Maybe I could get Blackwall to make me a desk. Take a break from his horses or griffins. Whatever he makes. I’ll make sure to ask him when I was done with my drawings.

I passed through Cullen’s office, seeing the scrolls on his desk piling up. He’s going to be busy today. I shut the door behind me, quickly going to his desk. I opened the drawer to it, hoping to see the key to my room, but doubting he would leave it there. I hurriedly rummaged through the other drawers, almost giving up finding it when I felt metal under some parchment. Running my fingers on it, I lifted the papers, grabbing the metal from the drawer, disappointed it wasn’t the key, but my dagger when I arrived. I smiled to myself, unsheathing the dagger. After seeing the legit daggers they had at Skyhold, this was amusing.

I grabbed a piece of parchment and sat in his chair, putting the dagger back under the papers. I cleared an area on his desk and started drawing, hoping I could finish this sketch for him before Cullen walked in. I quickly worked on it, seeing the image in my mind. I let the strokes be a little messy, knowing it would look even better that way. I smiled as I drew, missing drawing pictures, not just clothing or maps.

I finished it, admiring what I did. I slipped it under some parchment in the drawer, taking a few blank ones for myself as the door opened. Quickly, I shut the drawer, grabbing the blank parchment and book I took from Solas’ study. Jim walked in, surprised to see me at the Commander’s desk. “Just grabbing some parchment,” I explained, inching to the door. “Enjoy your day.”

I escaped to the rampart, as Jim watched me with curiosity. Heading to my room, I put the parchment on my bed, wanting to talk to Blackwall before doing my sketches, wanting a desk to work at after the ball. I jogged down the stairs to the barn, happy he wasn’t that far out of the way like the training fields. I saw the Hart again as I approached and gave an appreciative smile, loving how handsome it was.

Blackwall was carving still, the man never seemed to stop. I went toward him, making my steps louder than usual so he knew I was there. Blackwall glanced over his shoulder at me, giving a warm smile. “Come to admire the Harts?”

“To ask a favor actually,” I told him, grinning back. Casually, I strode up to stand beside him, leaning against a wooden pole. Blackwall chuckled raising his eyebrows. “How do you feel about making a desk?” I asked.

Blackwall crossed his arms, thinking it over. “A desk?” I nodded in reply. “For you?”

I nodded once again in reply. “Josephine is giving me more sketches to work on and I don’t have a place to really work on them. Maybe even a drawing board? Like Josephine’s?”

He glanced up at the ceiling of the barn thinking on it before gazing back at me. “I’ll have it done when you return from Orlais.”

His teeth shone and I flashed him a toothy smile back, wrapping my arms around him. Blackwall was like a big teddy bear. “You’ve made life so much easier!” I told him, letting him go. His eyes were bright with amusement and I thought I saw a hint of blush in his cheek. “Sorry about the hug,” I told him. “I should probably get going.”

Blackwall laughed, shaking his head. “Always a pleasure talking with you,” he responded, giving me a wave.

I headed back to my room, knowing it was time to stop procrastinating and get my work done. I went and grabbed the parchment, pulling up a crate and sitting in behind it, choosing to sketch outdoors in the fresh air.

The sun was bright as I drew, and I looked into the mountains giving a sigh of happiness. I found myself humming and felt myself have more of a bluesy Florence and the Machine feel. “ _When the night, has come. And the land is dark. And the moon, is the only light we’ll see. No, I won’t, be afraid. Oh, I won’t. Be afraid. Just as long, as you stand. Stand by me. And darling, darling, stand by me! Oh, stand, by me. Oh, stand now. Stand by me.”_

I finished a sketch, setting it aside under a piece of large rubble so it didn’t fly away. I started my second one, tilting my head as I drew, continuing my song. As the drawing got more intense, I found myself humming, my jaw tightening in concentration.

I felt the inspiration like I felt from my fight, hit me and I clung on to it, wanting to really make these sketches good for Josephine. I blew a piece of air from my face, wiping my forehead, realizing that I stopped humming completely. Only the sounds of Skyhold were making their way to the rampart.

My fingers started to ache from drawing and I stretched them, leaning my back against the wall. I must have grown a hunchback from leaning over the crate for so long. I turned my head toward Cullen’s office, wondering if he was in there. I saw a flash of maroon and his armor. Smiling, I watched the door, hoping for another glimpse. “ _I thought love was only true in fairy tales. Meant for someone else, but not for me. Love was out to get me. (guitar noise). That’s the way it seems. (*guitar noise*). Disappointment, haunted all my dreams. Then I saw your face! Now I’m a believer. Not of trace, of doubt in my mind. I’m in love, oooh I. I’m a believer, I couldn’t leave ya if I tried.”_

I pulled my crate to me as I sang, starting another sketch. I continued to sing, switching to my favorite got to Disney song, Colors of the Wind. I felt my stomach growl as I finished up the drawing and I felt relief that these were done. I scribbled a quick note on a piece of paper to hand to Cullen when I saw him next.

I went to grab my lute before gathering the drawings, and heading to Cullen’s office, hoping to persuade him to join me for some food. I pushed the door open all the way, my smile leaving me as I realized the tenseness in his shoulders. “Cullen?”

He glanced over at me, his face pale. He was leaning over his desk, his arms shaking. I shut the door, giving him a concerned look. Cullen took a ragged breath, sitting in the chair. “I’m alright,” he told me. I rolled my eyes at him. Always a hero.

“Bullshit,” I told him. Always a lady, Kass. Classy. I set my drawings on his desk and went to him, stroking a curl from his face. “Lyrium?” He nodded and leaned his head back against the chair, closing his eyes. “What can I do to help?” I asked softly.

Cullen’s eyes flickered open, his golden eyes resting on me. He grabbed my hand, his eyes closing again. I saw the sweat on his forehead and I felt a pull in my heart. How do I help him? I tried to think of something to help distract him, biting my lower lip as I thought. A story. That is what helped when I was in pain from my appendix. “When I was little, my brother and I used to pretend that we were bears.”

Cullen gave a weak chuckle. Glancing at me briefly. “Bears?”

“Yes, bears.” I confirmed, smiling softly. “We would gather all our stuffed animals and set them up in my bedroom, pretending they were like our tribe or something. I really don’t know who thought up this weird game, but we loved it. We would do a theme song as we crawled to the room, making our big entry. _Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo._ ” Cullen raised an eyebrow, glancing at me, his breathing becoming more normal. “Yeah, I’m weird,” I confirmed, smiling at him. “Anyhow, we would get into the room, still crawling, and we’d yell something. Usually a battle cry like thing. I don’t remember what it was, but it made sense back then,” I told him, waving a hand. “So, we’d do a battle cry and then we’d wrestle. Hard core. I don’t remember who won most, except that typically we would end up getting yelled at by our mom to stop before we broke something.”

“Did you?” He asked, his shaking gone. I thought it over a minute, trying to remember.

“Just my head,” I told him, pointing to the scar on my forehead. “Hit it on the corner of my bed. Blood was everywhere. Really freaked out Liam.”

Cullen grinned, pulling my arm so I landed in his lap. He stared at me and I ran a hand through his hair. “Did you make that story up? To distract me?”

I wrinkled my nose at him. “I wish I was that clever to think up a story instead of telling that one. Like me still?”

“Always,” he whispered, bringing me in for a kiss. It was soft and quick, but I still felt the butterflies flittering. Cullen frowned as he stared at me and I started to get up, not wanting to crowd him if he was feeling the withdrawal again.

“Is it coming on again? You okay? What can I do? Want another story?” I felt like a cartoon character, trying to help the hero.

“What the hell happened to your eye?” He asked, reaching out to touch it. I flinched when he touched the bruise, swearing from the sharp pain. Eye pain was always the worst.

“Why do you always have to touch the bruises?” I asked, grabbing his hand and moving it. Woah Kassy. Apologize now. Attitude. “Sorry,” I told him, clearing my throat. “It just hurts. Dorian accidently threw a book at my eye.”

“Accidently?” Cullen asked, a little bit of anger in his voice. “So, he cheats at chess and throws books?”

I raised my eyebrows at him. “He purposefully cheats at chess. He doesn’t purposefully hit people with books. I think.” I shrugged my shoulders. “Besides, chess is hard to learn. I mean, the horse can only move at a right angle, and you got to figure out if you want to move the bishop dude super far or not.”

Cullen’s forehead furrowed and he tilted his head, confusion on his face. “What game are you talking about?”

“Chess,” I told him. “You know, checkmate.”

“I know checkmate,” Cullen told me, smiling in amusement. “What you described wasn’t chess.”

I thought back on the board that Cullen and Dorian uses in game. It did look a little different, didn’t it? “No,” I told him. “In my world, it’s chess.”

He shook his head at me. “Well, it isn’t chess.”

“Alright. What are you? King of chess?” I asked him, getting up from his lap. “I’ll be honest. I am on the same boat as Dorian. I cheat.”

Cullen’s smirk was one of the sexiest things I’ve ever seen. I tucked my hair behind my ear and returned a smile. “I’ll teach you,” he told me, his voice husky.

“I’d like that,” I told him, genuinely meaning it. I’ve seen the looks he gave the Inquisitor in game. Chess was when I truly fell in love with that man in game. “You know what I would also like?” I came toward him, grabbing his hand. “You coming with me, getting food, and talking.” I leaned toward him a little. “In public,” I whispered.

Cullen studied me, his expression unreadable. I worried that he wouldn’t want to be in public with me. “Commander Cullen,” Cassandra’s voice said as the door opened. We both glanced over at the intrusion, and she froze as she looked at both of us. “Am I interrupting?”

I shook my head at her, giving her a smile. “Not at all,” I told her. I looked at Cullen, leaning down to kiss his cheek. “I’ll see you later, Commander.”

Cullen gave me a half-smile, squeezing my hand as I went to leave. “Later, love.” I raised my eyebrows at him with the term of endearment. Gathering my papers, I passed a smirking Cassandra, giving her a wink as I made my way to the rampart.

Aekfdjsfjask

“These are perfect, Captain,” Josephine praised. She glanced up at me with a grin.

“I try,” I teased, crossing my legs. I bounced a foot, leaning back in the chair near her desk. “I’ll work on the other sketches during our travel. Sorry I didn’t get them done sooner. My day suddenly filled up without me really trying.”

Josephine smiled, shaking her head. “These are perfect to start with,” she assured me. “I talked to the smith about making your armor. He needs to see you before he continues to make sure it will fit correctly.”

“Fit correctly, eh?” I joked, giving her a wink. “I typically have them buy me dinner first.”

Josephine seemed confused and she took a minute to think it over before chuckling. “I see. Zevran and you have more in common than one might think.”

I laughed, standing now. “And how does our ambassador enjoy a fellow Antivan?” There was a faint blush to her cheeks and I sat back down, my grin widening. This must be how Dorian and Hawke feel when they are teasing me. “Woah,” I said with a grin. “Does someone find him, dare I say, attractive?”

Josephine rolled her eyes at me. “He doesn’t need help confirming his appearance. It is nice to have someone who will be able to help the Inquisitor while we distract the nobles. You have a plan for this distraction, no?”

“Yes,” I assured her. “Just have to confirm it with Zevran. Speaking of the devil, I have to meet him to finalize everything after I stop by for my armor fitting.” My stomach rumbled loudly, earning an amused glance from Josephine.

“Stop and eat while you are at it. We don’t want to have you dropping from hunger,” she teased. I giggled, standing to leave. “Find someone to help with that eye, it doesn’t look great. I’ll see you at the meeting this evening.”

“Later Josephine,” I told her, giving a salute before heading to the door. She shook her head in amusement, going along with my odd ways.

The main hall was filled with people eating and talking, the sounds echoing throughout the hall. I glanced at the throne as I made my way to Harritt, stopping to really look at it. It was intimidating in person, large and dooming. Once, I stood here, waiting to hear my fate. I felt my heart pounding, Nightmare doing some heavy breathing in my brain. Was it him making me feel this way? I couldn’t look away, my eyes glued to the throne, almost as if I was hypnotized.

A plate clattering to the ground broke the spell, and I shook my head, giving the throne a final glance before going to the smithy. I pushed the door open, greeted with the fresh crisp air of the smithy. I should come to this room more, it was definitely a favorite. I closed the door, leaving behind the noise of the hall and hearing only the sounds of hammering.

I slowly made my way down the steps, watching Harritt swing a hammer as he worked, his movements sure and strong. Dagna was at a desk, her hand sketching frantically. She glanced at some metal by her, before looking back to the parchment. Curious to what she was doing, I made my way to her, taking in the view of the Frostback mountains. “God, is it always this gorgeous?” I asked aloud.

“I think so,” Dagna answered, noting me. “But I’m biased. It’s my view most of the time.”

I smiled and leaned against her desk, glancing at her sketch. I felt my eyes widen as I noticed the drawing I had drawn for her next to it. She was designing Puff. Well, what she thought was Puff. “Have you figured it out?” I asked her.

Dagna shook her head, clearly frustrated. “Without having a model, it’s hard. Not that your drawing isn’t great, it just doesn’t tell me how anything functions.” She studied me. “Does it need magic? Lyrium?”

I pondered that for a second. Could a car run off lyrium? “No. No lyrium.” I gave her an apologetic face, glancing down at her blueprint. “Sorry I can’t be of more use.”

“It’s alright,” she told me, touching the key to Puff. “I’ll find a way.”

“Captain,” Harritt called and I glanced over at him, waving goodbye to Dagna. I walked to Harritt, excited to see what he was making. “I heard you were a mage, but I’ve seen you fight with a sword. Took down those men like a warrior.”

I blushed and nodded. “I do like swordplay,” I replied stupidly. I silently chastised myself for not figuring out how to answer like an adult. “I mean, I am working on both my magic and fighting skills.”

Harritt gave a sharp nod of approval, glancing me up and down. He walked around me, tilting his head as he measured me mentally. I felt odd, like I was going to be sold off or something. “I made something I think you’ll enjoy. Your Tevinter friend gave me your design.”

“My design?” I asked confused, following him to his table. There was bear fur and dark blue fabric there and I laughed out loud. Dorian, you sly bastard. “My design,” I whispered.

There was a black tint to the armor and I grinned. This was perfect. Harritt held up the armor, holding the chest plate to me. It was almost perfect, just a little big. “You’ve toned up since I last made armor for you. It won’t take long to adjust though. It’ll be done by tonight. I’ll have Dagna drop it off to your room when it is finished.” He was testing other pieces on me, adjusting straps to get the best fit. “This armor will be easy to fight in and perform magic.”

I saw the armor change color in the light to a silver, making it glow. I noticed the swirls on the fabric and I wondered if Dorian had Josephine buy that fabric from Orlais or if someone sewed it. I was going to look like a warrior queen. He took the arm piece off, putting it on the table before giving me a wide grin. “I’m actually pretty proud of this last piece.” He bent over and grabbed something from under the table handing it to me. “I didn’t think I would be able to do it, but it was a challenge I wanted to try.”

I held the helmet, amazed at what I saw. He made a helmet to look like a dragon. Why a dragon? Did Dorian think I was…no…no. This wasn’t Dorian. Iron Bull had help in making this, I just know it. I turned it to see it’s other angles, always wanting something this badass. “This is the most beautiful and bad ass helmet I have ever seen.” There was a hint of purple in the black metal and I put on the helmet with pride. It. Fit. Perfectly.

“I was hoping it fit nicely. Hard to get helmets sized different.” Harritt had his hands on his hips in approval. “Alright then. Take your helmet and fabric and leave me to finish your armor. Like I said, I’ll have Dagna here bring it to your room this evening.”

I took the helmet off, wanting to jump in excitement. I grabbed the blue fabric, impressed with the light weight of it, before heading to the door. “Thank you so much Harritt! This is the best I have ever seen. Seriously!”

He acknowledged me with a thrust of his chin and I wrapped the helmet in the fabric, not wanting it to get hurt at all. Not until we leave tomorrow. I entered the main hall again, emerging into the clatter and chatter of Skyhold. I had a bounce in my step as I walked down the hall, heading toward the kitchen.

“Captain,” Hawke called and I sighed silently, really only wanting food right now. I headed over to them, putting on a smile.

Hawke, Varric, and Anders were all sitting at a table, the usual ale in front of them. Their food smelled delicious, causing my stomach to growl again. “I was actually heading to get food,” I told him, my mouth practically drooling.

“We saw you go into the smithy and grabbed you a plate for when you came back,” Hawke informed me, pointing to the plate by him. I felt a rush of gratefulness toward Hawke, glad that the hangry Kassy hadn’t kicked in yet.

“Bless you,” I told him, sitting on the bench next to him. I set my fabric and helmet on the table near me, pulling my plate close. “I feel like I never get to eat lately.”  I picked up a chicken leg, never more grateful for Hawke. I took a bite, dancing in happiness. Varric laughed, his eyebrows raised in amusement, a leg frozen by his mouth.

“Are you dancing, Prophet?” He laughed. I nodded, wiggling my shoulders, swallowing my bite.

“I love food,” I provided as an explanation. Anders and Hawke were also watching me in amusement and I grinned at them, slowly bringing the leg back to my mouth, feeling self-conscious. “What?”

“Oh, nothing,” Anders told me, a smile on his face. “We are just fascinated with your ways and the bruise forming on your eye.”

“Yes,” Hawke confirmed. “Anders is right. Who did you piss off to earn that?”

I glanced between the three of them, slowly lowering the leg. “Dorian’s book,” I informed them. “Or the gods. So, should I expect to see myself in Varric’s next book?”

Varric held up his glass, laughing. “You are a story in itself, Prophet.”

I bit into my leg again, winking and doing another happy dance, the second bite even better than the first. Anders leaned over to talk with Varric and Hawke cleared his throat, his attention on me. “I was wondering if you could help me with something,” Hawke began. I continued chewing, tilting my head, letting him know I was listening. “I have heard the songs you sing to Curly, and I was, well, I don’t often do these things, but I was wondering if there was a song that you could do for me to Anders.”

I swallowed quickly, smiling at him. “Of course, dude!” I told him, wiping my mouth with my hand. “What were you thinking?”

He leaned an arm on the table, his eyes squinted as he thought. “Something fun, but meaningful, but not too much. Maybe something not like you’ve done before.”

I thought over his request, figuring what songs I know. What Hawke needed was some Justin Timberlake. I knew the perfect song! “Okay, I’ve got a perfect one, but I need your help. Can you do this?” I beatboxed, watching a huge smile come to Hawke’s face. He smirked as he joined me catching on perfectly. I laughed in approval. “Ah, yeah! Perfect!”

He stopped and glanced at my plate. “Are you done, or do you plan on dancing more?”

I knew he was excited to do the song so I took another bite of chicken, planning on grabbing some fruit and bringing it back to my room later. I swallowed quickly, grabbing his ale to help wash it down. I pulled my lute onto my lap, standing up. “I’ll give you a nod when you join in.”

Hawke nodded, reaching over to hit Anders’ arm. “If you two are done gossiping, Prophet was going to do a song for us.” He stared pointedly at Anders. “For us,” he repeated, getting his point across. Anders seemed to understand, giving a surprised grin.

“Did you want me to heal that first?” He asked me, Captain Purr peeking up from his lap. God, he did bring that cat everywhere. I didn’t have time to answer as he cast a spell and he smiled in satisfaction. “Performance ready. Play on.”

I felt the pain by my eye disappear and I touched it, glad that I didn’t have to wait for the bruise to go away. I grinned and started playing the introduction to Mirrors, nodding at Hawke who started beatboxing. “ _Aren't you something to admire, 'cause your shine is something like a mirror, And I can't help but notice, you reflect in this heart of mine. If you ever feel alone and the glare makes me hard to find, just know that I'm always parallel on the other side_ ,” I sang, glancing between the two of them.

Varric was laughing hard at Hawke’s beatboxing, Ander’s shaking his head in amazement. Hawke’s eyes glowed with fun and I wished I could bring him to my time where he would shine. We kept perfect time as the song continued, the hall quieting to listen to the odd music we were creating. Hawke was standing up, leaning his back against mine, feeling the music. “ _You're my reflection, all I see is you. My reflection, in everything I do. You're my reflection and all I see is you. My reflection, in everything I do. You are you are the love of my life,”_ I finished the song, giving a sharp nod to Hawke to indicate it was done. Man, Hawke and I made a great team.

The room was silent and this was a first, surprising me. Alright then. So Skyhold isn’t ready for JT. Got it.

“Fantastic! Superb! Totally amazing!” Zevran called, slowly clapping and soon many others joined in. I flashed a smile at Zevran and turned to Hawke who shrugged his shoulders, glancing over at Anders, who was grinning stupidly. “Kiss him already,” I told him, sitting down, embarrassed that many were still staring at us. Hawke didn’t need to be told twice, swiftly grabbing Anders by his shirt and bringing him in for a kiss, causing Captain Purr to go running.

That’s when the hall erupted into more applause and I stared at everyone in surprise. Seriously? Hawke glanced around, a huge smirk on his face. He stepped away and held out his arms, clearly knowledgeable in how to take praise. Was there anything that people didn’t love him for? I shot a look at Varric, who just shrugged, laughing and took a drink of his ale. I glanced back at Zevran, who had his arms crossed, nodding his head to indicate he wanted me.

I grabbed my helmet and fabric, saying a quick goodbye to Varric. The hall erupted into excited chatter as I walked toward the elf, his smile going sultry. Jesus. He was still doing this? I felt flattered, even though I knew he did this to everyone. “Where did you want to go? The war room or-.”

Zevran shushed me and point his finger on my lips. “Say nothing further. All you had to do was ask. We shall return to your room, no?”

I moved his hand, shaking his head. “No,” I told him with a laugh. “We can find the Inquisitor or an advisor if you’d like.”

Zevran gave a flirty wiggle of his eyebrows. “The more the merrier I say,” he teased. “I believe Leliana said she was going to a meeting. Shall we join?”

I sighed, shaking my head in amusement. “Lead the way,” I told him. He took a couple steps to Josephine’s office, opening the door.

Fadkfjadslfja;

“You think that will work?” Leliana asked, her hip against the war table, arms crossed.

“If it’s done right,” I told her, glancing over at Zevran who nodded in reply.

“How do you plan on keeping the empress and company occupied while I’m out, hunting for blackmail?” Branwen asked, leaning over the map and her blue eyes on me now.

“She entertains them with songs of course,” Zevran replied before I could. He gestured to my lute, leaning against the wall. “She is a bard like Leliana, no? She will dazzle them with her music.”

Branwen considered this, turning to the other people in the room. “Can they be dazzled with her music?”

Josephine took a moment to think it over, looking at me. “She can certainly entertain Skyhold, I see no reason why she couldn’t the Winter Palace.”

Leliana glanced over at Cullen with a twinkle in her eye. “What does our Commander think?”

Cullen seemed to be taken off guard, a hand automatically going to his neck. “I’m sure I wouldn’t know what they find as entertainment in the Winter Palace.”

“Aw, Commander,” Zevran began, bumping Cullen’s shoulder with his. “Surely you know what entertainment our dear Captain can provide.”

Cullen flushed and glared at Zevran. Josephine and Leliana chuckled, while Branwen broadly smiled in amusement. “Yes. I am a woman of many talents,” I said, taking the focus from the men. “But, yes, songs in particular. Last resort I dance or monologue.”

“Monologue?” Branwen asked. She sat up, crossing her arms. “Go on, give us an example of monologuing.”

I furrowed my eyebrows at her. “Seriously?” I asked her. “Right now?”

She nodded, mischief in her eyes. “You are a woman of many talents, right? You said so yourself.”

I racked my brains, trying to remember the monologue I did in drama class back in high school. The words came quickly, and I was surprised that somehow this monologue was retained in my brain but my math skills left me completely. I put on my best elven voice, like Galadriel’s in the movie. “The Ring came to the creature Gollum, who took it deep into the tunnels of the Misty Mountains. And there it consumed him. The ring brought to Gollum unnatural long life. For five hundred years it poisoned his mind, and in the gloom of Gollum's cave, it waited. Darkness crept back into the forests of the world. Rumor grew of a shadow in the East, whispers of a nameless fear, and the Ring of Power perceived its time had now come. It abandoned Gollum. But something happened then that the Ring did not intend. It was picked up by the most unlikely creature imaginable: a Hobbit, Bilbo Baggins, of the Shire. For the time will soon come when hobbits will shape the fortunes of all.”

Everyone in the room stared at me with confusion and fascination. I felt my cheeks go a little red and cleared my throat. Branwen seemed genuinely surprised that I gave her that speech. “What exactly is a hobbit?” Zevran asked, being the first to break the silence.

“Like a small man,” I told him. “Not a dwarf but, you know hobbit. Short. Hairy feet. Eats a lot. Hobbit.”

“What you just described is a dwarf, am I right? Short, hairy, hungry? Am I right?” Zevran asked, genuinely wanting to know.

“No, you aren’t,” Cullen replied, turning to Zevran, arms crossed. “She clearly just said, not a dwarf. So no. You aren’t right.”

I focused on Branwen. “See, I’ll have them all wondering. That’s only if my music doesn’t work though.” I turned back to Zevran. “And they are like beardless little men, that eat all day and…never mind.”

Leliana smiled in approval, hands going to hips. “I say it’s worth a try, Inquisitor.” She eyed me up and down. “The Captain has some odd tactics, but a good bard has to keep her enemies on her toes.”

I suddenly remembered what a bard was really like in Thedas. “Yeah, I feel we all have a different interpretation of what a bard is.”

“Shh,” Leliana told me, her eyes silencing me. “You worry too much for how much talent you hide.”

Was that supposed to be a compliment? I was pretty sure my face looked stupid as I stood trying to figure out that statement. “It’s the only plan we have for distraction, Inquisitor,” Cullen said, addressing Branwen. “We’ll need a good one if you want to bring reinforcements quietly.”

Branwen nodded in understanding. “Then it’s settled.” She turned to Josephine. “Josephine, write to our host, sharing that I bring a gift for them. Entertainment in thanks for the invitation.”

“Right away, Inquisitor,” Josephine answered, writing furiously on her board. I wondered if wax fell onto her paper a lot.

“Leliana. Make sure that there is a clear path for Zevran and the others to get through easily,” Branwen directed.

“It is done, Inquisitor,” Leliana replied with a nod. “No murder,” Branwen ordered, getting a frown from Leliana.

“Cullen, I am going to need your best, just in case the ball takes a wrong turn,” Branwen told him.

“As you wish, Inquisitor,” Cullen assured her, a hand on his sword. I loved when he was in Commander mode. He glanced at me from the corner of his eye, giving me a smirk before returning to Commander Cullen again.

“Then the plan is set,” Branwen informed us all. “We will gather in the morning. Get a good rest. I have a feeling we are going to need it.”

We all gave her gestures of acknowledgement and we all made our separate ways. I was surprised that I was the first to head to the door, usually one of the last to leave. I threw my lute on my back, holding my helmet and fabric in my left arm.

Cullen followed closely behind me and I felt chills go down my body. Just being near him. He closed the door behind us, before I turned to him with a smile. “So, I have a-.”

Cullen pushed me against the wall, his lips taking mine. I felt surprise through me before a shiver ran down my back. I kissed him back hard, loving that any moment, someone can walk through that door. He broke the kiss and I put a hand up to his hair. “I’ve wanted to do that since you walked into the room,” he admitted, a hand going to the base of his neck. How could he get so nervous around me still? You would think we would get past that after being naked in front of each other.

“Sex on the war table,” I told him, biting my lower lip. “Not going to lie, I’ve fantasized about it.”

“Really?” He asked. “The war table?” His tone was huskier and I shrugged my shoulders, fighting off the embarrassment.

“Well, yeah,” I replied. “After your desk of course, but everyone wants to see the Commander, so that one is a little harder than anticipated.”

Cullen chuckled, leaning forward. “I’m free now,” he muttered into my ear as he grabbed my earlobe with my teeth. Oh fuck!

“You have recruits to choose and I have a lesson with Solas,” I said quietly, unable to think with his lips on me. “Not that we’d make it back to your office.”

“Even better,” he growled and I felt my heart beat quicken, my helmet starting to fall from my arms. The door started to open and Cullen sighed in frustration, quickly leaning a respectable distance from me. Branwen and Josephine walked out, their expressions telling us they knew what we were doing.

“Commander. Captain,” Branwen said with a grin, trading amused glances with Josephine and laughing as she opened the door.

Cullen cleared his throat and I tucked some hair behind my ear. “Um, I have a lesson to get to,” I told him, feeling awkward.

He nodded in understanding. “Will I, that is, do you plan on…Maker’s breath,” Cullen sighed a hand going to the bridge of his nose. “My room or yours?”

I snorted, not believing the interaction we are having. How was it so awkward with us all the time? “Yours,” I told him with a smile. “Don’t wait up though. I’m not sure how long Solas wants to keep me in the Fade.”

He gave me his relieved smile, one of my favorites. “Until then,” he told me, kissing me lightly. He began to walk away and I felt my chest fill with emotions.

“Cullen,” I called after him. Cullen glanced back at me, his whiskey eyes brighter than I’ve seen them since I got here. “I love you.”

His scar twitched and he broke into a toothy smile. “I love you too,” he said in a low voice, sending tingles down my body. He continued to grin at me over his shoulder, causing me to fangirl inside, as he left the hall.

Ssdfgksjdg

“You must push past Nightmare,” Solas instructed, the night air blowing on my face. He thought the fresh air would help focus me more than the distractions of his office. The garden was empty and the sound of chirping from the crickets filled my senses. “He will try to control what you see in the Fade, but you can push past him. You must.”

I nodded, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, focusing on entering the Fade. The world around me faded and I was able to get there faster than I ever did before. This scared me a little and Solas was soon there with me. “Very good, Captain. The previous use in the Fade has allowed your mind to travel faster.”

Awesome, I told myself. I prepared myself for Nightmare to come at me, but he wasn’t there. I glanced over at Solas. “I thought you said Nightmare would try to control me.”

Solas’ expression was almost like he was impressed. “It seems your will is stronger than I originally thought.”

I felt oddly at peace here, not worried like I thought I would be. There was a sense of familiarity and rightness. This was…how can I even explain it? It just felt familiar and almost homey. Like a place of refuge. It was comfort but also a fear at the same time. Why was it so familiarly comforting here?

“What now?” I asked him, hands going to my hips. “Do I just do what I was doing when we first started practicing or?”

“Why don’t we begin that way, yes.” He looked ancient when he was here, like he owned the Fade. “Now that you are familiar with the Fade, you should be able to open it with your sight.”

I glanced around, taking it in before focusing on my powers. “What if I create a rift? Shouldn’t we have Branwen?”

“If you create one, we will get the Inquisitor,” Solas informed me. “Now, exit the Fade and bring it to us.”

I nodded, closing my eyes thinking of the garden. I felt a bit dizzy as I came back to myself, feeling the wind on my face again. I thought of the Fade, conjuring it in my mind. There was a spark of green in my mind, filling me like when I touched the rift back home. It buzzed before going out.

The headache that came with trying this power came and I put a hand to my head. Push past it. I touched the blood mark on my arm, creating it fresh before coming here. I didn’t want Nightmare pain try to interfere with the lesson.

“Try again,” I heard Solas instruct and I tried, feeling the pain increasing.

 _Not so easy without the power of the Fade, is it?_ Nightmare asked. _You won’t be able to do it. You were only able to do it when you are there. You were able to create a connection for me. I must say. I like it here. At first, I was upset, but now I know what you are capable of. It’s thrilling. I know how to help you with the Fade. Blood magic._

“No,” I responded quietly. “It’s only for when I need it most. To help.”

 _Isn’t understanding your power helping? You won’t be able to do it here. You’re too weak. Only blood can help you._ Nightmare hissed.

“Says you,” I told him, determined to open a rift now. This was feeling very Gollum like. Was I going to start calling my powers, my precious?

I felt the tingling behind my eyes and I embraced it. Fight past Nightmare, I told myself. I fought the headache forming behind my eyes, determined to prove the demon wrong. There was pressure building and suddenly a spark flew out. I opened my eyes, seeing a flash of green, before it disappeared. Wait? Where was the rift?

Solas had his hands behind his back and he tilted his head, his grey eyes on me. “You weren’t focused on the Fade,” he observed. “Try again.”

“I was focused,” I argued quietly, closing my eyes, the headache making me grumpy.

 _Told you that you wouldn’t be able to._ Nightmare laughed. _Try again though. I love watching you fail. That is all you do. Fail and bring trouble to everyone around you. Your magic brings trouble and so does your mouth. You will only bring heartache and pain to those you love and want to keep safe. You already started to do this. Why not keep going? I’m going to take you over anyhow. There is nothing that you can do to stop it. You invited me. You created this._

I felt the anger in me and the fear as I focused on the Fade, bringing the sensation that comes with creating the rift. There was the tingle again, but slightly more. I felt the building pressure, sure it was going to work. Focus on Fade, Kassy. Focus on Fade. I opened my eyes as I saw the green tinge on the back of my eyelids. Then there was a bright flash of green and I was certain that there was a rift. I felt frustration as I saw the blackness once the dots from the brightness cleared.

“Again,” Solas told me and I felt the weakness of my body, but I didn’t want Nightmare to be right. Push past him.

I tried again and again. Only able to produce a flash of green light, each one brighter than before, but no rift. The pain in my head became unbearable from the couple hours of practice and I felt myself become out of breath with the effort to push past it.

“I can’t do it again,” I said exhausted, my eyeballs feeling as if they might fall from my socket. “It hurts too much now.”

Solas sat on the bench next to me, evaluating me. “You let him get to you,” he stated. “You must push past him.” He grabbed my arm and noted the blood mark. “And no blood magic used tomorrow. Learn to deal with the pain a different way.”

I raised my eyebrows at him. “How did you know it was for the pain?”

“Protection symbol,” he declared, pulling down my sleeve. “You can’t protect yourself from the demon, but you can protect your mind from the pain. There is another way, pushing past him. Controlling him. Having more will.”

“What about my other magic?” I asked him. “Can’t he get that too?”

“Possibly,” Solas noted. “But you have unique magic. Different than the magic here. Your power can be deadlier if used with the magic of this world. Be careful with binding it with blood magic. The Fade magic can be…unpredictable.” I tried to digest what he was giving me, but my mind was processing slower than usual after the brain exercise. “You should get some rest Captain. We have a long journey facing us in the morning.”

I nodded, silently getting up and leaving the garden, my legs feeling a bit weak. I was glad I left my things in my room before heading here, not wanting to carry more than my body weight to bed. I felt a little surer of my limb use as I began to walk, feeling zombie like as I made my way to Cullen’s room, my hunger from earlier forgotten.

I opened Cullen’s door, expecting him to be working like he does. The man never slept, except with me. There was no Cullen at his desk and I felt surprise until I heard the muttering from the loft. Nightmares. I headed up the ladder, his words faster. Where was he in his dream? He was yelling to save them, now. Who? I pushed my legs to go quicker and hurried to his bed.

Cullen was sweating and thrashing, his shirt soaked. I noticed his boots were still on and figured he must have passed out, exhausted from little sleep. I put a hand on his chest, the other stroking his hair. “Cullen,” I said softly, trying to wake him. “Wake up. It’s only a dream.”

He muttered again, his eyes rolling under his closed lids. I felt him twitch as his eyelid fluttered open, confusion and fear in his eyes. “Stop them,” he whispered as he slowly came out of his sleep.

“It’s just a dream,” I repeated, putting my hand on his cheek. His eyes went to mine, confused at what was happening. “You’re okay, Cullen,” I told him.

“You were there,” he told me, sitting up, his voice cold. His eyes narrowed on me. “You used your blood magic to help them.”

I reached out a hand to him. “I wasn’t there, Cullen,” I assured him. He backed away from my hand, his eyes haunted.

“You called them. You led them,” he told me, his voice going Commander, his posture changing.  “You promised me. You wouldn’t become corrupt.”

I stared at him in total confusion. “I’m not. I haven’t.” I quickly grabbed his hand. “I wasn’t there. It was just a dream. I wasn’t there, love. I wasn’t there.”

Cullen stared at our hands, his slowly taking mine. “You…you…,” he muttered. He put a hand in his hair, his eyes darting around the room. “I tried to stop you. You led them.”

I knew the PTSD was hitting him hard right now and I couldn’t believe I was associated with it now. I hesitated, not sure if he wanted me to be here after the dream, but I had to help him. I heard his breathing speed up again and I did the first thing that came to mind, sing. “ _Hold me close and hold me fast. This magic spell you cast. This is la vie en rose. When you kiss-.”_

Cullen pulled me to him, his grip tight. His arms were flexed as he held me to him and I wrapped my own around him. “Stay with me?” He whispered into my hair, kissing it. I nodded into his chest, leaning a bit away to look at him.

“I love you, Lion,” I told him, feeling extremely cheesy. Cullen pulled me to him kissing me hard and fast before putting his hand on my face, cupping my cheek. We laid down and I rested my head on his chest. His arm held me to him tightly as I threw an arm around his waist. I felt his breathing slowly even out as he drifted back into sleep and soon I was left with my own thoughts.

 _You caused his dream. You created a villain: yourself. You can’t fix that. You are that. You are the one that haunt his nightmares. Your blood magic taints everything around you. You are selfish. I told you that you would only hurt everyone around you. Congratulations on ruining the Commander first._ Nightmare told me.

I ignored him, choosing not to respond. I felt myself believing him for a second, slowly slipping into his trap. No. No. Don’t do it. Ignore it. I knew that sleep wasn’t going to happen tonight, fearing the nightmares that will happen.

Maker’s breath. This is going to be a long journey. I could tell.


	19. Chapter Nineteen

**I do not own any characters. They all belong to a little known elven god, Bioware. He is almost as famous as Andraste herself. Some might call him “The Maker”. Shout out to my beta reader Eruya. Loving the song suggestions, reviews, follows, and favorites! You guys rock! Hope you enjoy this chapter! Rated M for language and lemons.**

Chapter 19

As the sun started to creep slowly above the mountains, I felt Cullen begin to stir. All night I was thinking on what Nightmare told me, knowing that his words were somewhat true. I was being selfish to this man. To be fair, I did decide to learn blood magic before realizing I couldn’t leave. Back when this all felt like a game. Back before this was real life and not just what I thought was a coma dream. I didn’t realize it would affect Cullen this much. I wouldn’t have…I should have…I made a terrible mistake. A selfish, terrible choice. I just thought I could learn more about blood magic. Use it to help and prove that it could be used for good. Was it worth it? Solas and Dorian say if used correctly it is like any other magic. Others say it’s only used for evil. Thedas is really mixed up with their blood feelings. However, there was only one person that I needed to care about. Cullen. This wasn’t a game. This was my real life.

I watched Cullen’s eyes flicker open, slowly blinking in the light coming from the hole in his ceiling. I sat up, glancing at him, feeling uncomfortable that I gave him nightmares. His golden eyes slowly came from his drowsiness, taking me in and reaching out for me. I grabbed his hand, his smile soft, his scar lifting in that heart throbbing way.  “Sleep okay?”

Cullen nodded, pulling me to him. I chuckled as I was dragged into his embrace, kissing his chest as I was wrapped in his arms. I glanced up at him, seeing his lazy smile down at me. Morning Cullen was one of my favorite looks on him. His ruffled hair, drowsy eyes, husky voice. Morning Cullen and sexy time Cullen had a lot in common. He kissed me, his stubble rough from a couple days of not shaving. Cullen squeezed me against him, making me melt in his arms. To be held like this…I would give up almost anything. “You don’t look like you slept,” he informed me, observing me.

I pulled away from his embrace to look at him, hating that we did talks like this so often. “I didn’t. I’ve been thinking about how I caused you to have a horrible dream,” I said softly, keeping the tears from my eyes. “Cullen, I should have never put you in the position to have those dreams.”

Cullen sat up now, his whiskey eyes studying me. “It wasn’t-.”

“No,” I interrupted. “Don’t try to defend me. It was because of me, I realize that.” I grabbed his hand, keeping eye contact. “I have been selfish, Cullen. I took on blood magic, for reasons not important now. I should’ve been thinking of you and what it’s done to you. What you went through because of it. I mean I did, but I didn’t know if we were a thing at the time or if I was going home. I never meant for it to be like this. I never meant for you to ever think, even in a dream, that I would turn on you.” I licked my lips glancing down at our hands and back to his face. “I’m so sorry that I caused you distress. Seriously, Cullen. I’m so sorry I was selfish. You were right what you said before. Sometimes this world…I mean my new life…seems like I am trying to play a game to fit in. Suddenly things feel very real.”

Cullen leaned toward me, tucking my hair behind my ear before putting his hand on my cheek. “Everyone has their moments of selfishness. I’ll always forgive you though,” he assured me. “I know I have made mistakes in the past. How you decide to act on those mistakes that define you.”

I felt a tear fall onto my cheek and into his hand. “Stop being perfect,” I half laughed. “I’ve been thinking though. Well I decided on something. My first step. After last night, I decided to give up blood magic.”

“I don’t think it’s as easy as that,” Cullen informed me, his eyes wide in surprise. “Don’t get me wrong, I am glad you are giving up blood magic, but only if it’s what you really want. Not because you feel like you have to for me.”

I leaned forward to kiss him, not sure how I could love this man anymore. “You are worth giving up anything for,” I whispered against his lips. He growled, pulling me onto his lap. I laughed, putting my arms around his neck. “We really should get ready to-.”

Cullen silenced me with a kiss, undoing my corset. I felt the relief that comes with the removal of a corset. His hands were quickly under my shirt, the kiss never breaking. He skimmed over my bra and on my back. “We better make it quick then,” he whispered into my ear, sending chills down my spine.

He kissed my neck, biting it softly. I groaned, reaching down to pull off a boot, the other following. We were kissing now and I knew that someone was going to walk in at any moment. Today was a big day and they would want to see the Commander. Cullen seemed to think the same thought because soon we were both out of our boots and pants, our breathing fast. Cullen was in control this time, and I had to admit, I liked the Cullen that took the lead. This was the fastest we have ever gone from no pants to actually doing the deed, and it was thrilling. I’m not going to lie, there is a lot of awkward apologies thrown at each other when we were undressing and we both were laughing as our heads banged together when reaching for Cullen’s boot.

Cullen had me on all fours as soon as our pants were off, hands grabbing my hips. I never realized just how urgent it could be to have intimacy with a person. That this was reassurance that we both were on the same page. That we both loved each other. Aw man. This was our first time having sex since we said I love you and we were doing a quickie, doggy style? My thoughts quickly disappeared as I felt myself get closer, our uneven breathing filling the room, along with our occasional grunt or moan. I collapsed onto the bed when I came, smiling into his covers. He laid down next to me, kissing the part of my back that was showing.

I turned toward him, reaching out a hand to run through his silky curls. His eyes went to mine and I grinned at him, earning a toothy grin back. “We should get ready to go now,” I told him, rolling to my side. Cullen’s hand ran up my side, sitting on my hip.

“I suppose you are right,” he answered, giving me a sound kiss. I held him to me tightly for a moment, wrapping my arms around his neck. He sat up with me, his arms soundly around my waist, his face buried in my neck and shoulder. “Maker, I love you,” he barely whispered into my skin.

“I love you too,” I responded softly, taking in his scent and the way his body felt against mine. Solid and strong. Protection. I loved that most about him. That he made me feel safe in this crazy world. I took a deep breath and let go of him. “I should put my pants on and get packed. And you Commander, should do the same.”

He let me go, watching me as I bent over to pull on my pants and grab my boots and corset. I gave him a wink before heading down the ladder, an amused smile on his face. I hurried to my room, excited to see what my armor would look like actually on. I opened my door, giving a sigh of happiness as I saw my armor laying on my bed.

I walked toward it, reaching out a hand to trace it lightly. As much as I knew giving up blood magic was the best for life here, what if I needed to use it in an emergency? What if I had to pull on it to make sure that I could amplify a spell or something like that? That would be okay, right? Okay, Kassy. Enough about blood magic. Look! You have a beautiful masterpiece laying on your bed, ready to be worn. I felt a huge smile on my face as I picked up my chest plate. This was going to be fun putting on.

Getting the leg armor on was easier than I thought it would be. The arms were a bit harder, not having full access with my two hands. A knock on my door halted my process and I went to pull it open finding Hawke staring at the view of the mountains. “Hawke?”

He strutted into my room with a smile, his armor shining in the light. He eyed me up and down chuckling in amusement. “I was giving a final report from Zevran to Curly, and figured I would stop by to see how you were doing.” Hawke noticed the armor still on my bed. “Need some help with figuring out how to put your armor on, Captain?”

“You know you can call me Kassy, right?” I asked him, happy for the assistance on putting on the armor. “Do I really need to wear this traveling to there? Is it necessary? It’s not like I’m going to be doing any fighting there.”

“That you know of,” Hawke countered. “A warrior should always be ready. Learned that in Kirkwall.”

Hawke grabbed my breast plate, pulling it onto me. I glanced up at him, seeing his concentration on the armor and his own thoughts. I had to talk to someone about it. Hawke would be one to really understand. “Cullen had a nightmare about me being a blood mage in the circle. Took him a few minutes to realize it wasn’t evil me in the room.”

Hawkes eyes went to my face, before flickering back down to my straps. “You knew choosing blood magic wouldn’t be an easy choice. It called to you though and you decided to make it part of your path.”

I took a deep breath as I grabbed my other arm piece, throwing it on. “What if I want to get off that path?”

Hawke stopped and crossed his arms, looking at me. “Is this Nightmare or Kassy talking?” His blood mark on his nose was extra red today, making me wonder if he added red paint or real blood to his tattoo to make it stand out.

“I can’t make Cullen go through this. I was selfish when I chose to do blood magic. What change can I bring with it? I’m new with magic and don’t even fully understand how it works. I just don’t think I am the one to prove what good blood magic can bring when I am just hurting the person that means the most to me in the world. What would you do if it were Anders?” I threw on my blue fabric, Hawke helping me put it on, his face thoughtful.

Any sign of teasing was gone from his face and he crossed his arms to stare at me. “It has been an issue for Anders, but then he blew up a chantry and suddenly my blood magic seemed like a small issue in the grand scheme of things.  It may seem that you had many paths to go down for magic, but honestly, the magic chooses you. If you felt you should have gone down another path, you would have. Blood magic is a selfish path, but also a rewarding one. It’s also a path you can’t go back from once you started traveling it. I understand taking a break from it and learning what else you can do before exploring it again, but you can never truly give it up. I have used blood magic to help heal and help protect. Just because the beginning source of blood magic was corrupted, doesn’t mean every mage that uses it is immoral.”

I nodded as I fastened my belt, glancing at him with thoughtfulness. “Thanks Hawke,” I told him, feeling a bit more confused at the whole situation. “How do I look?” I really needed a mirror in here. Hawke stood back, crossing his arms to assess me.

“Amazing,” he told me with a smile. “Now let’s get going before they send up troops.” We headed down the stairs toward the barn, and Hawke nodded toward the stables. “We get steeds this time. Best choose the one you want most before it’s too late.”

I felt excited at choosing a mount and hoped all the Harts weren’t taken. Then again, I haven’t done much horseback riding, so this would be fun. Hawke chose a black horse, that basically seemed like a horse version of him. Of course.

“I kept him free for you,” I heard Blackwall say and I turned to face him, wondering what he was talking about. I squealed a little bit when I saw him standing next to my Hart. The Hart that beats all Harts. Sven. His name was Sven.

“You are amazing!” I exclaimed, rushing to the stall, grinning. I pet Sven’s neck, laughing at the way his nose went to my face. “Thank you so much, Blackwall!” I told him, giving him a huge smile.

“No problem,” he replied, a twinkle in his eyes. Hawke whistled to me and nodded his head toward the main area. I gave a confirming nod and grabbed the reigns of Sven. “Good luck,” Blackwall told me, watching as I met up with Hawke.

I threw my bag and staff on Sven, glad to not have so much stuff to carry. Hawke led the way through the crowd that was gathering. Everyone was hustling to get ready to go and many were there just to view it. I stood with Hawke in the back of the crowd, waiting for further instruction.  “Captain King,” a feminine voice stated and I shivered with the knowledge of the owner of the voice. I turned to find Vivienne standing in all her Maleficent-like glory.

 I felt total confusion at her standing there and had to remember to speak after a few seconds. “Vivienne? What can I do for you? Watching the farewell?”

Vivienne strutted past me, walking a circle around me, observing me. “I realized we have not had the pleasure in meeting yet, but I have heard through passing conversations many things about you. One is that you are in fact a mage.”

I glanced at Hawke who shrugged at me, not knowing much about her at all. I turned back to Vivienne, not thinking that this was the conversation she was thinking of having. “I didn’t realize that people were-.”

“Talking about you? Of course, they are. They gossip about anything they find strange and different. And you, my dear, are both strange and different.” Vivienne glanced at my outfit, her face emotionless and she didn’t waver in her speech. “I don’t know much about you except for what I hear in the halls and your occasional performances. I must admit, I am impressed with your forwardness. I knew you were a fighter when you spoke at your trial. It’s a good trait for those without a stubborn demeanor. My dear, you need to learn to control your magic before you end up hurting those around you with your inexperience. I heard about the rift you created in the Fade. It’s the very reason circles were created in the first place.”

I raised my eyebrows at her, surprised she was talking to me as if she knew best. I mean, I guess she gave me a compliment with also a bit of sting. Hawke rolled his eyes and grunted, purposely holding his tongue. I put my hands on my hips about to open my mouth before she started speaking again. “I realize you are leaving for a ball and I heard you designed the outfits for the occasion. I was surprised to hear this since your style is….lacking,” she gestured to my outfit with a flick of her hand. “When you return, feel free to come to me if you need some relaxation. Until then, enjoy your travels.” Then she left without letting me say a word, leaving me confused and having the same opinion I’ve always had of her. So my first encounter with Vivienne was well….very interesting.

Hawke watched Vivienne leave with a bit of suspicion, his head following her as she made her way toward the stairs of Skyhold. “I don’t like that woman,” he told me, disapproval all over his face.

“You and me both,” I muttered to him. All the crazies go to Skyhold.

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 “You okay, Rift?” Bull asked, nudging me. I glanced over at him with a smile, my attention turning from the setup of camp.

“Of course,” I replied, smiling at him and winking. “Just ready to battle Dorian with some ice magic again.”

Dorian rolled his eyes, his arms crossed. “It isn’t battling. It’s more you putting on a performance while twirling. You know how I hate attention being taken away from me.”

I laughed and gave Dorian a pat on the back. “You know why I have to sing while doing magic? Because I can’t hold a candle to your perfection.”

“Flattery gets you everywhere,” Dorian told me in approval, a grin on his face. “Of course, you are correct. I am perfection.”

“It is weird you sing the same song every time you use magic,” Bull told me. “Come on, let’s find our tent. Let’s see how perfect you are there,” he teased Dorian, starting to head in the direction of the erect tents. “Practice in a few hours, Rift. Have your sword ready,” he called loudly over his shoulder.

“Sounds good,” I called to him as they disappeared in between the recruits and tents. I grinned to myself, turning to the Hart that was given to me for riding. “You’re the only one that understands why ‘Let it Go’ is the only appropriate thing to do while using ice magic. Don’t you Sven?” I said in a loving voice, stroking his neck.

“Excuse me, Captain,” a husky voice said behind me and I felt a hand go to my waist. “I know you’re busy but I just wanted you to know if you would be interested in a meeting tonight.”

I felt shivers go down my spine and I collected my bag from Sven. I loved the playful side of Cullen. “I don’t know, Commander.  I already have plans for most of the night, working up a sweat with Iron Bull and Dorian.” I turned to him, a hand still on Sven. “And a late-night meeting would cause suspicion. I mean, what would Varric think?”

Cullen’s eyes were growing dark and he glanced at me confused. “How would Varric find out?”

I gave a small smile and grabbed my lute, throwing it on my back. “Well, everyone else was paired up, so Varric graciously took me in.” I sighed and shrugged my shoulders, glancing up at him through my lashes. “It’s not like a certain person, officially asked me to stay in his tent…except Varric. Sooooo, I said yes. Should be fun.”

Cullen rolled his eyes at me, following the game I was playing. “I assumed you knew,” he told me. I raised my eyebrows at him.

“Who are you and where did Cullen go?” I asked him. Cullen blushed and put a hand to the back of his neck. Ah! There he was. “I…well…I just thought that I would try to be…Maker’s breath. It wasn’t working, was it?”

I shook my head and gave him a half smile. “You are too much of a gentleman to be that kind of dude,” I told him. “One of the things I love most about you.”

“I’m not always a gentleman,” he argued and I laughed, smiling at him.

“Cullen. You are even a gentleman to Hawke, who you hate,” I told him. “I don’t believe you unless you prove to me otherwise.”

“Is that so?” He asked, a challenge in his brown eyes. Andraste’s knickers, what did I do? “You know your fantasy of the war table? I have a couple fantasies myself.” I felt my face blush as his eyes slowly raked over me, before he gave me his smug smile. “I have some reports to go over, but I expect a meeting with you later Captain.”

“Challenge completed,” I told him and I felt my heart beat faster and my breathing speed up. His hand dropped and he gave me a smile over his shoulder as he walked away, probably feeling smug that he got me to blush a deep red. I ran a hand through my hair turning toward Sven so my red face wasn’t showing. “How can he be so sexy all the damn time, Sven? How?”

“I know how he feels. I myself am afflicted by that very curse,” an Antivan accent said. Could my face get any redder?

I turned to Zevran. “You bear your suffering so graciously,” I told him, grabbing my staff from Sven, looking around awkwardly.

“You noticed, yes?” He gave me his goofy smile that seeped with charm. “I couldn’t help but hear a certain encounter last evening. If you needed any advice on your-.”

I knew the red probably bled to my ears and I remember the way Zevran would try to give Alistair sex advice. “I don’t need any advice, thank you.”

“Oh, I understand. I should be giving advice to the Commander?” He wiggled his eyebrows at me.

“No!” I exclaimed, a hand on my hip. “Cullen doesn’t need it. Really, Zevran. We are great.” I gave Sven a goodbye pat and brushed by Zevran, heading toward Cullen’s tent.

“You are upset, no? I did not mean for that. I only came to inform you that the Inquisitor wants to have a meeting tonight in her tent for the final details.” His hand grabbed my arm to stop me, his smile turned to one of concern. “It is in my nature to tease.”

I returned the smile. “The redness is embarrassment, not anger. Don’t worry about it, I’m not offended so easily.” Zevran seemed to relax and his hand fell away. “I’m going to put my stuff in my tent, but I’ll think about your offer.”

“We’ll meet again tonight,” he told me, grabbing my hand and kissing it, giving me a wink. “And I get your hint.”

“My hint?” I questioned as he started to walk away with a strut. “What hint?” He continued walking away, laughing a little, his blonde hair going over his shoulder. Damn attractive elves. “Later, Sven,” I muttered, making my way to where the advisors had their tents sent up. Okay, Kassy. Which one do you think is Cullen’s? Hmm. I stood there, debating which tent was his in the area, not wanting to pick the wrong one. Did I just look inside to see which one is his? Typically, I’d throw my stuff in Dorian and Bull’s tent, knowing that I’d be staying with Cullen that night. Their tent was occupied at the moment, so that wasn’t an option.

I could always just put my stuff in Varric’s tent. I mean, he did offer to share it with me before bursting out laughing after doing a crude comment about Cullen. Yeah. So maybe his tent offering wasn’t so serious as much as a way to poke fun at me. I bit my lower lip, knowing that typically I would just peek in the tents, but I didn’t know what Josephine and Leliana had going on. I sighed, knowing that calling at the entrance of the tents was an option. I glanced around, hoping to catch a peek of Jim, thinking he could tell me which one was the Commander’s, but he was nowhere to be seen. Come on, Kass. You’re Captain King. You can do a simple thing like asking if anyone was in a tent. Why are you being so weird?

I straightened my shoulders, taking a deep breath and heading toward the tent closest to me. “Hello?” I called at the entrance. There was no reply and I hesitantly reached a hand out, moving the flap to the tent aside slightly, peeking in. Solas and Branwen were laying there, clearly doing their Fade date thing. Nice to know. This was Branwen’s tent. I let the flap drop and I shook my head, thinking that Solas and his Fade date thing was weird. Then again, he wanted to get the Fade to take over the whole world, so not a huge surprise.

I moved on to the next tent. My shoulder was hurting from the weight of my stuff hanging on it. “Is anyone in here?” I called and I heard movement, watching the flap move as Josephine’s curious face peeked out.

“Kassy?” She asked, clearly wondering what I was doing. She came out of her tent and stood in front of me. “Can I help you?”

I smiled at her, shaking my head. “Uh, no. Sorry to disturb you. Just figuring out the tent situation. Just, uh, just don’t mind me. Carry on…so….yeah.”

Her eyebrows were raised as she watched me go to the next tent, waiting to see what I was going to do. “Hello?” I called, aware of Josephine’s eyes on me. I looked back at her and gave a slight head nod. She was bemused and her head was tilted in wonder as my attention turned back to the tent as the flap rustled.

Leliana came out, her arms crossed as she took me in, looking at me with expectation. After a moment of awkward silence, she chuckled. “Is there a matter you wish to discuss with me?”

“Uh, no.” I told her, glancing over at Josephine. “Leliana is at this one. Noted.” I focused on Leliana. “Sorry to bother you. Continue on with your day.”

“You had no use for me, except to see if I was occupying this tent?” Leliana asked, getting Josephine to giggle. They shared a look and seemed to have a wordless conversation. “I wonder why the Captain, would need to know the layout of camp, Josie.”

“I myself am wondering the same thing,” Josephine teased. I rolled my eyes at them. “Is there someone in particular she is hoping to note?”

“What a thought!” Leliana exclaimed. “I wonder who she could be searching for? Hawke perhaps?”

Josephine shook her head. “Maybe the Iron Bull? Who isn’t curious about that?”

Leliana laughed, her eyebrows raised in humor. “Zevran and her have seem rather friendly lately.”

“Of course,” Josephine replied, her hands on her hips, face lighted with enthusiasm at the teasing. “How did we not realize it sooner?”

“Well, the Commander certainly did,” Leliana added, her eyes bright from laughter. “That’s it, Josie. The Commander.”

“The Commander!” Josephine almost shouted. “Leliana, you solved the riddle!”

I glared at them both, not amused. I rolled my eyes, taking a deep breath, my shoulder yelling at me to just throw the stuff in Josephine’s tent. “Alright, Sherlock and Watson,” I said, glancing between the two of them. “You solved the case. I am looking for Cullen’s tent. He told me to put my stuff in there but conveniently forgot to tell me which one it is. You guys really should just do the same layout every time.” 

“Where would the fun be in that?” Leliana asked, her voice full of amusement. “Next tent over. With the ball tomorrow night, we thought it would be easier to have the tents close so that we can finalize plans without interruptions or being overheard.”

“Next time you could just ask,” Josephine told me with a smile. I blushed and grinned back at them.

“I forget that people know about us,” I replied. “Thanks, you guys. Sorry to interrupt whatever you were doing.”

Leliana shook her head. “You provided a laugh that was sorely needed. Right Josie?”

“Definitely,” she replied. “Don’t forget to bathe tonight. Tomorrow is a busy day and there won’t be time for one.”

“Of course,” I assured her, heading for Cullen’s tent. “See you later.” I ducked into his tent, finding no one inside. I threw my stuff by his bed roll, seeing another one lying beside it. I smiled, finding it charming that he now kept two inside his tent. I grabbed my staff, taking in the tent. There was a table set up with a map rolled out, held down by a couple rocks.

I saw some parchments laid out by it, notes scribbled in Cullen’s handwriting. I smiled, never really seeing his handwriting. It was what men handwriting typically is, with a bit of flourish. I let my fingertips trace over it, still not believing that man was in love with me. Why? What made him? Out of everyone in Thedas, why me?

I grabbed the pen and dipped it in the ink. Scribbling him a quick note on the bottom of one of his notes, making sure that it was on one that didn’t seem like a report.

_Hey handsome!_

_Just reminding you of how amazing and fantastic you are. You are legendary. I love you so much! Don’t ever forget it. Yeah, this note is cheesy (in my world that means awesomely lame), and I’m sure you will get more of these cheesy notes in the future. La vie en rose Lion._

_Love ya!_

_Kassy_

I put the pen back, tucking my hair behind my ear. I saw a sword leaning against the table and I grabbed it, wondering how Cullen hadn’t given it to me sooner. Was this his way? I held it in my hand, feeling the familiar way it fit in it. The first sword that I claimed as my own. I noticed the hilt had an engraving and I examined it closely. King. That’s what it said. He had my last name engraved in it. I felt my chest fill with emotions and I let out a soft chuckle. How can he make it possible to love him even more? Dad would have thought this sword amazing.

There had to be a goofy grin on my face. I put the sword in my belt, hurrying out of the tent, determined to find Cullen. When I grabbed my helmet, I remembered the way Cullen reacted to my armor. Hawke and I were grabbing our mounts, walking them to the entrance of Skyhold. Cullen was there with his recruits, getting them ready to leave. He was leading his own horse, shouting orders as he passed. Cassandra was behind him, making sure that the orders were being followed.

“He followed my design perfectly! Kassy, you look fantastic! Not as great as me, but exactly what I envisioned,” Dorian called to me as he strutted to me, his own armor shining in the sunlight. I grinned at Dorian, shaking my head in amusement.

“The highest compliment you could have given me,” I laughed, feeling extremely confident in this armor. I got to him and pulled him to me, hugging him. “Thanks Dorian. You are the best.”

“You know I don’t do sappy moments,” he said softly, hugging me back. “But you are correct.”

“I know,” I told him letting him go. “Why did you do it?”

“I don’t have many people in my life that make me-. Well, I consider you a friend. Even in the short amount of time we have known each other, there is something about you that makes me feel that we have known each other longer.” His grey eyes rested on me with warmth. I was one of the people he cared about.

“You’re my best friend too,” I told him with a grin, returning the stare. Hawke coughed and cleared his throat.

“I thought that-,” Hawke began, leaning toward me.

“Hawke. Bro. You’ll have your moment later,” I muttered to him. He grunted in understanding, resuming his stance of pretending that he wasn’t listening.

“Has our Commander seen the Captain in my genius?” Dorian asked with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

I laughed, reaching up to stroke my Hart. “Not yet.” I glanced around, finding Cullen, his eyes catching mine. I grinned at him, giving him a wink as he stared at me, open mouthed. “I lied, he just did.”

Dorian and Hawke followed my gaze and they both snickered. “We’ll leave you to it,” Hawke told me, leading his horse away, Dorian following. I waved to Cullen, his head shaking before he smiled, his scar making my butterflies erupt.

Cullen’s strut was fast and determined as he came to me, his horse keeping pace and his smile never wavering. “You had armor made,” he said in a husky voice.

“I was inspired,” I told him, stroking the fur on his robe. “Do you-.”

Cullen kissed me hard, and I had to remind myself to hold onto Sven. I returned the kiss, sinking into him. That was one of my favorite kisses we have ever shared. I smiled to myself as I came from the memory, my hand on the hilt of the sword.

I headed to where the makeshift training field was, feeling disappointment when I didn’t see him there. Where could he be? I surveyed the area, trying to spot his helmet or blonde hair. Nothing. Sighing, I trudged back toward the forest, figuring he was busy talking to someone important.

 _It’s for the best anyhow. He is probably bored of you. After all, you aren’t knowledgeable about pleasing a man. You aren’t as attractive as most of the women here. After a bit, he’ll grow old of the mystery you have and realize you aren’t very talented. You can’t even use your Fade magic. Might as well face it, even if he doesn’t find you boring soon, you won’t be able to resist the temptation of blood magic. It will call to you. It will sing to you. It will lure you into performing it. You are good at performing. Blood magic and love don’t mix. No mage can resist the allure of it._ Nightmare hissed.

“Fuck you,” I muttered. “I am Captain King and I am a force to be reckoned with.”

 _Repeat it all you want. Saying it doesn’t make it true. Last time you thought that, you sent me to your own mind. You are no force. You’re a fool._ Nightmare replied with a bit of a laugh.

I ignored him, not wanting him to shake my will. The forest was peaceful and I took a deep breath, leaning against a tree. I let the breath go, feeling my head clear a little. Alright, Captain. Let’s take a walk.

I found a sturdy tree, and pulled out my sword, wanting to take out some aggression. Twirling, I swung it, finding satisfaction as the blade dug into the bark. I swung again, grunting as I used all my strength to hit the tree. I continued, clearing my mind as I did this, thinking nothing other than the moves that Cassandra and Bull have taught me.

“I’m sure I’ve seen stranger things happening in a forest. I’m blanking on an example right now,” a voice commented. I froze, recognizing that voice. No fucking way. I pulled the sword from the tree and turned toward the voice. Yup. I was right.

Alistair stood in front of me, looking as he did in Inquisition. No way. No. Way. Was everyone going to make an appearance? Should I be expecting Sten next? “I’m hallucinating,” I muttered to myself. I glanced behind him to see a couple of his guards with their bows drawn. “Archers?” I asked as I put my sword in my belt.

Alistair glanced behind his shoulder at his archers. “You can see that she’s harmless.” The archers kept their stance. “Or do whatever you feel you should do, I guess.”

I studied him, seeing the realness of him. My fan girl meter was rising. Keep cool. Keep cool. “Alistair, what are you doing here?” I blurted out without thinking. Correct yourself. “Uh, King….Alistair….”

Alistair glanced at me in his confused way. “I admit that my memory has been leaving me lately, but have we met before?”

“Sort of,” I told him, holding out a hand. “Captain King of the Inquisition.”

He took it, shaking it. I held in a squeal at the fact that Alistair was holding my hand. “You obviously know who I am. I was heading to the Winter Palace. We saw the Inquisition banners and thought we’d share camp.”

“I’m sure the Inquisition will be honored,” I told him. “Uh…this way.” Alistair grinned and he motioned to his troops who followed us through the forest.

“So, you mentioned you were a Captain. I wasn’t aware that templars joined the Inquisition.”

I laughed and shook my head. “Yeah, there is no way I’m a templar. I’m a mage. But we do have many templars that joined us. Commander Cullen has been keeping the peace between the templars and mages. There’s less fighting between them as the weeks go by.”

He raised his eyebrows at me. “A mage that uses a sword instead of a staff? Or is the staff for decoration?”

“You know, I do believe I recall someone telling me that daggers are actually at the height of fashion lately,” I replied with a grin. “Honestly though, I just enjoy sword fighting more.”

Alistair nodded his head in understanding, his face thoughtful. “Did your circle also fall?”

I took a deep breath and gave him a small smile. “I wasn’t a part of the circles.”

“So, an apostate. That’s nice. Freedom and everything, you know,” he commented, keeping pace with me. He was taking in the forest as we grew closer to the training field.

“Not exactly an apostate either. More like a late bloomer,” I explained as we approached the training field. “I’ll take you Leliana. I’m sure you guys have a lot of catching up to do.”

Alistair gave me a surprised look. “How did you know?”

“I know a lot of things,” I answered. “I’m surprised you are going to the ball though. I thought you’d be too busy or just not wanting to deal with Orlesians.”

“I wasn’t going to but then I received a letter and thought why not?” Alistair told me, giving me his cheesy smile.

I laughed in response and took a couple steps in front of him to the entrance to Leliana’s tent. “Leliana?”

The tent flap was open and she was standing at a table, going over some papers. “Captain, do you need help finding another tent?” She teased before registering who was standing behind me. “Alistair?”

“I’ll have someone send you cheese,” I said, leaving the tent.

“I love cheese,” Alistair commented as I walked away from the tents, wanting to let them have their reunion time. I bumped into Jim and I grabbed his arm.

“Hey Jim,” I began, giving him a smile. “Can you have someone send some cheese to Sister Leliana’s tent and get someone to send Zevran there as well.”

“Of course, Captain,” he replied as he walked away. “Why does she keep calling me Jim?” He muttered to himself. Hmmm….I should probably figure out his real name. Was it not really Jim?

Wait, if Jim was nearby that means Cullen is too! I fast walked to the entrance of our tent, noticing that the flaps were tied back. Cullen was leaning over the table, reading some notes and making marks on the map. I went up behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist and leaning my face into his back.

“Hello love,” Cullen greeted me, sending shivers down my spine. I let go of him, going to stand at the other side of the table.

“Do you have a moment?” I asked him. His whiskey eyes came up to me, their warmth making me swoon a little.

“For you, always,” he replied. I grinned at him and watched him straighten.

“First thing,” I said walking up to him and pulling him down for a kiss. He responded with eagerness and I felt tingles throughout my body. I broke the kiss and left my arms around his neck. “Thank you for my sword.”

There was a faint blush and he glanced away, his eyes looking at the ground before coming back to me. “I thought that you might want to train with a sword fit for a Captain.”

“It means everything to me Cullen. Thank you,” I told him honestly. “Second, Alistair is here. I brought him to Leliana’s tent so they can catch up.”

Cullen froze and he just blinked at me. “Alistair? As in King Alistair?”

“Yes,” I answered, stepping out of his grip as his hands went to his hair. “You know he never wanted to be king. It just sort of happened because of the Hero of Ferelden. She convinced him.”

Cullen crossed his arms, his Commander mode coming easily to him. “How do you know all this?”

“I just do,” I told him. “I had some cheese and Zevran sent to the tent. They’ll probably catch up and then join us for the meeting later.”

“Cheese and Zevran?” Cullen asked baffled by my choices for the King.

“Yes. He likes cheese and surprisingly Zevran,” I assured him. “I just thought you should know before he caught you off guard. I’m sure you two have loads to catch up on being ex-templars and all. I’m going to go do some practice with Bull.” I brushed past him as he glanced at me with an odd look. “What?”

“You are always surprising me with the knowledge that you have,” he assured me. He shook his head and glanced down at his notes, a smile forming on his lips. Gold eyes met my blue ones and his scar twitched. “Instead of sword play, would you care to go for a walk with me?”

Did Commander Cullen just ask me to go for a walk? I do declare! I grinned at him, wondering where the Commander that liked to occupy every moment of his time with reports and training went. “I would love too,” I told him. “Let me just go tell Bull that it’s canceled.”

I took off my sword, leaning it against the table. “What are you doing?” Cullen asked, crossing his arms in amusement.

I glanced over at him, taking off my staff. “Taking off my armor,” I told him. I undid my belt, taking off my fabric and throwing it in the corner. “No offense to you, but I don’t like living in my armor.”

He rolled his eyes in his amused way and bent over his table to get some more work in before we left. Of course, he would. Workaholic. I sang to myself as I pulled off my armor, carefully setting it in the corner of the tent with my other stuff. I felt the relief of not having weight on me and I sighed with happiness. Pulling my bag onto my shoulder, I stood up, heading to the tent opening. “You coming?”

Cullen looked up at me and nodded, muttering about giving him one minute. I rolled my eyes at him, knowing that his one minute isn’t just a minute. I glanced over his shoulder to see what he was writing. A report to Leliana. “Why do you two write reports to each other when you could easily walk up to each other and just say it?”

Honey eyes glanced up to rest on me, his face in thought. “It’s just easier this way,” he informed me, continuing to write.

“One more question,” I began, leaning on the edge of the table. “So, the Inquisitor was sent to the Chantry to spy on the events, right? How did no one notice she was Dalish? Or you know…an elf? You don’t see many elves in the Chantry do you? Was she strutting around the Chantry with a fake mustache, going ‘Hello, fellow Chantry goers?’”

Cullen stared at me open mouthed, obviously at a loss at how to even reply to me. Okay, Kassy. So maybe we shouldn’t say every thought out loud. I’ve just always wondered. I mean, how does an elf with Dalish markings, spy without trying to blend in? “Then again, you couldn’t tell if they were an elf because their hats cover their ears, so maybe there are elves and I’m just making the Chantry racist.”

Uh oh, you just said that last part out loud. I glanced back at Cullen who was now starting to chuckle, which quickly turned into full-fledged laughing. I watched amused as he leaned on the table, laughing, his arms shaking from his laughter. A couple recruits gave curious looks as they came by and I shrugged my shoulders at them as they passed. “Mustache,” he said between laughs. “Chantry goers!”

Iron Bull stopped in the entrance of the tent, his arms across his chest, raising his eyebrows at me. “I asked a question and he found it amusing.” I explained. Cullen took a deep breath, starting to come down from the laughter. “I’m going to skip on training today.”

“Got big plans, eh Rift?” Bull asked, causing me to blush. He studied Cullen. “You deserve some fun, Commander.”

Cullen’s laughter quickly stopped and he blushed, his hand going to the back of his neck.  “That’s not-.”

“No need to explain,” Bull interrupted back out of the tent with his usual saunter. “Nothing wrong with having a bit of fun, eh Commander?” We heard his bellowing laugh as he walked away from the tent.

I knew my face was red and so was Cullen’s. Yet again, a scene from “Kassy and Cullen’s awkward adventures”. Cullen cleared his throat and I stood straight, holding my hands clasped in front of me. “So, you ready to go for that walk? Or did you need to finish that report?”

Cullen glanced down at his report and then back up at me. “Shall we?” He asked and I grinned in reply, following him out of the tent. He led me to the forest and we walked in companionable silence for most of the way. I grabbed his hand in the forest, taking him by surprise, but then his hand held mine and I was content.

The gurgling of a stream caught my ears and I steered him toward it, loving hidden streams in forests. Cullen didn’t object and he led me to a large boulder that sat over the stream. He leaned against a tree, watching me as I took off my bag and set it on the boulder, touching the moss. “This wasn’t the place I was intending to take you,” he began. “There’s a lake that I grew up near. I used to go there to escape the noise of my siblings and think.” I focused on him as he spoke, not wanting to interrupt or get in his way. “I haven’t been there since before leaving to become a templar.”

I hesitated, glancing away from him and then back up. “Cullen,” I began. “I just don’t understand. Why me? I mean, you were a templar and I’m a mage. You’ve seen the most horrible things that magic can do. How do you not see that in me? Especially with other world magic? Don’t you want someone more Thedas like? Like Cassandra? Or, or even the Inquisitor?”

Cullen’s eyes latched onto mine, never breaking contact. “You aren’t a typical mage. You’re different. Even your choice to do blood magic was different. You didn’t choose it for power. As for Cassandra and the Inquisitor, I respect them, but that is all. How I feel for you is, well, it’s unexplainable. You are vibrant and bold. You take charge without even realizing it. You are brave and selfless. You are unique and interesting. I mean, you’d rather use a sword than a staff and you leave notes on my reports to let me know you were there.” He shrugged his shoulders and put a hand through his hair. “You sing and I am enchanted.”

Cullen’s eyes were on my chest and I glanced down noticing my dragon necklace. “When I left for templar training, my brother gave me something.” He reached into his pocket and showed me the coin his brother gave him. “He said it was for luck. Templars aren’t supposed to carry such tokens. Our faith should see us through. This is the only thing I took from Ferelden that the templars didn’t give me.” He reached for my hand and placed the coin in it. “Humor me,” he began, his face serious. “We don’t know what you’ll face before the end. This can’t hurt.”

I admired the coin, glancing up into his whiskey eyes. “Are you sure, Cullen? I know how it is to only have one thing left that reminds you of family.”

“Please?” he asked in almost a whisper. I closed my hand, feeling the coin’s coolness against my skin. “Thank you,” Cullen breathed. “I know it’s foolish…but I’m glad.”

His arms went around my waist and I wrapped my arms around his neck, our foreheads touching. “You can’t be without luck,” I said softly, leaning away from him so I could take off my necklace. I held the orb in my hand, squeezing it, almost not wanting to give it to Cullen. “When I was little, my dad bought this necklace. I used to steal it to look at it and admire it, thinking it was the coolest necklace I have ever seen. When I was about thirteen, he gave it to me, telling me that it would bring me luck. My life wasn’t the best at that time, but he did what he could to help me. I have worn this necklace for every important life event since then that I would need luck at. It’s worked so far.”

I held it out to him. “The dragon claw represents strength. Maybe that is where the luck comes from,” I explained, taking his hand and putting it in his palm. “Humor me?” I asked. His fingers curled around the necklace and his eyes were dark as he studied me.

Cullen leaned down to kiss me, his mouth needy against mine. My hands went to his hair and we broke the kiss, holding each other. I reached a hand down to look at the coin in my hand. Maybe I could turn it into a necklace? That way there wasn’t a way I could lose it?

“Cullen?” I asked, earning a hmmm from him. “Not that I’m complaining, but why did you want to go for a walk with me, rather than speak to the king of Ferelden?”

He glanced down at me, tucking some of my hair behind my ear. “Your note. I saw your note and I…well…I needed to get away. Just the two of us. Even if it is only for a couple hours.” His hand went to my cheek and I leaned into it.

“You know I’m not going anywhere? Don’t you?” I questioned. “I promise.”

Cullen gave me a soft kiss. “I know,” he replied. He smiled softly at me and I felt the butterflies erupt once again, my heart beating faster. This man. This man I would die for. No hesitation. I let my fingertips run over his stubble, returning the smile. “I love you,” he told me, his eyes never leaving mine.

“I love you too, Cullen.” I grinned and reached for his hand. “Come on,” I instructed, leading him toward the river. “I was told I had to bathe and now seems as good as time as any. With the stream and everything.”

Cullen chuckled and I looked over my shoulder back at him. “Bathing? Right now?”

“Look Josephine ordered me to get one in before the ball and I am trying to follow orders. Also, I’m just trying to figure out your fantasy from earlier,” I told him honestly. “Sex in a river seems like a good one,” I told him. He gave me a smug face and I let go of his hand and crossed my arms. “Unless you care to tell me what it is?”

For the first time in a long time, neither of us stammered or blushed in the conversation. We both just held each other’s eyes, knowing that this was territory neither of us were highly skilled in. If I was honest with myself, he was more skilled than me.

“Against a tree,” he confided, his eyes stalking me like a prey. “For some reason, with you. That is my fantasy. In the forest. Against a tree.” He tilted his head and smirked. “Well, one of them anyhow.”

“Against a tree?” I asked him, an eyebrow arched. I never have had sex against a tree, but I knew for a fact, he wouldn’t be able to hold me up against a tree long enough for anything exciting happening. Or could he? My eyes went to his muscles and I bit my lower lip. “This is your fantasy, Cullen. Lead away.”

He strutted toward me, each step deliberately made to send chills of excitement down me. Cullen unbuckled his belt and set his sword down on the boulder next to my bag. He then started to take off his armor, his attention leaving me briefly to watch where his armor fell. He threw his shirt off, his chest chiseled and I heard my breathing speed up. His hands reached for my own shirt and he slowly pulled it up, his fingers feathering my stomach as he took it off me.

“You are so beautiful,” he said in a low voice, his lips taking mine. I moaned against his lips. I still had the coin in my hand, not knowing what to do with it. I didn’t want to let it fall in the grass because I’d most likely lose it. Cullen traced kisses down my neck, and shoulders. My hands wandered his shoulders, feeling his muscles move under my touch. He slid down to his knees, pulling off my boots. I reached down and put the coin in one for safe keeping as Cullen took off his own boots. He grabbed my necklace from his pocket and glanced at it before putting it on.

He looked up at me and I needed him to hold me. To be near me. To just stare at me like that forever. Cullen’s hands slid up my legs and he hooked his fingers into my pants, sliding them down. I have never been so well lit while being naked in front of him. His growl escaped him and he quickly stood up, bringing me to him for a hard kiss. Our tongues didn’t hesitate and he slowly led us back against the boulder. He lifted me onto the edge of it, never breaking the kiss. I felt his hands leave me for a minute and then they were back and he broke the kiss, both our breathing heavy.

“I thought you said tree?” I teased and he grabbed my hips, pulling me closer to him. When did he get his pants off?

“My fantasy,” he muttered as a curl fell onto his forehead. Cullen started to pick me up, my legs automatically crossing around his waist. I laughed and reached my hands into his hair, pulling him to me. So, he could hold me. Awesome. I felt myself relax with this knowledge and I took advantage of my position to graze his jaw with my teeth, before kissing him. Our kiss deepened, both of us pouring our passion into the kiss. Cullen started to walk a few steps and I felt my breath leave me as he pushed me against the tree.

The bark scraped my back, adding to the fuel. I didn’t think it would be so erotic to do it against a tree. No wonder people did it in the movies. I arched my back as Cullen thrusted in, the bark cutting into my shoulders. I held on to him, our eyes locking when I opened mine. I always thought making eye contact was weird during sex, but I think it was because of who I was with. With Cullen, it felt intimate and there were so many unspoken words. The bark was really starting to hurt now and I leaned my back off the tree towards Cullen, kissing him, the majority of it safe from tree burn. He was so close, I knew it. I felt my own building fast as sweat formed. I leaned back into the tree as it hit me harder, my nails going into Cullen’s shoulder. Cullen buried his face in my neck as he came, my name always coming as a growl. I followed after him, letting out a shaky breath from it.

There was a moment of us staying in this position before we sank to the ground. I ran my hands through his hair, kissing his neck. “Was it everything you fantasized about?”

Cullen glanced up at me, his face turning into a grin. “Everything,” he muttered. He ran his hand up my back and I felt the sting from where the tree dug into me. It was worth it. “It would have been better with your armor,” he teased. I rolled my eyes.

“Are you teasing me, Commander? I don’t get to see this side of you often,” I told him as I ran a hand down his cheek. “I like it. I like seeing you happy.”

Cullen’s eyes softened and I felt a stronger pull to him. One that you don’t get in game. For the first time, I felt like this was truly real. That I could be able to actually live the rest of my life here in Thedas. As long as I had this man by my side. “It’s because of you,” he whispered.

I felt my chest fill with warmth and I just stared at him with a goofy grin, wanting to take him in forever. I wish Thedas had cameras. “You are the best thing that has ever happened to me,” I told him, genuinely meaning it. “I would do anything for you. You know that, right?”

Cullen seemed surprise. As if he never truly thought anyone would say those words to him. His nose brushed against mine and he gave a smile I haven’t seen before. “I would too,” he told me. “However, you did guess my second fantasy.”

I giggled and grinned. “No way! I didn’t know you were such a nature boy.”

He put a hand behind his neck, giving me a smirk. “I never thought about it until someone put it in my mind earlier.”

“Lead the way, Commander,” I teased, giving him a quick kiss before standing up. I definitely needed this bath.

Alkdfjakldfjalkfja

“I told you bad things would happen when I lead. The only thing that hasn’t gone wrong yet is that I’m not stranded somewhere without my pants,” Alistair told Leliana and Zevran.

Zevran gave a half smile. “So, it isn’t exactly the worst, no?”

“It hasn’t been an easy time for me either,” Branwen told him. “I’m glad you are in alliance with us though. It makes a lot of issues a lot simpler.”

“Agreed,” Leliana stated, her hands behind her back. “Are you sure you want to help with the Inquisition’s interference in the Winter Palace?”

Alistair glanced at everyone around the table. “Zevran wrote to me saying “we’re getting lucky this time” so I assumed that meant for me to come to the ball. Just tell me my roll.”

“Another distraction,” Cullen informed him. “We are trying to keep the court occupied while the Inquisitor scouts the palace.”

“Uh huh,” Alistair said. He glanced over at Hawke and Varric. “What are they doing?”

“It pains me that you don’t remember my name, after all we’ve been through,” Hawke told Alistair with a dramatic flair. “I thought we had something special.”

“You aren’t even supposed to be at this meeting,” Cullen told Hawke annoyed.

“They are with me,” Zevran told Alistair. “We are sneaking into the gardens to get into the castle. Once we are given the signal, we are following the Inquisitor’s lead. She knows where the items are that we are looking for.”

“Someone else knows how to pick a lock here, right?” Alistair asked. “It was a selling point that he grossly exaggerated.” I chuckled at that, understanding exactly what he was talking about.

“I can pick a lock,” Varric told Alistair, amusement on his face.

“What exactly do we mean by distraction?” Alistair asked, glancing around the table.

“You could always dance the Remigold,” I suggested. His eyes went to me, amusement and curiosity on his face.

“What’s your roll?” He asked, his smile just as I expected it to be. He crossed his arms and raised his eyebrows.

“Fellow distractor,” I told him. “I’m the gift to the Empress. I am singing songs and when that fails monologuing.”

Alistair shared a glance with Leliana. “Fellow bard, eh?”

She smirked at him. “Captain is very knowledgeable about the Winter Palace and the people in it. It was her that created this plan.”

“Impressive,” Alistair stated, his eyes going around the room. “I think I can handle distracting. I can be rather entertaining.”

“I’m sure you are,” Branwen assured him. “Honestly, that’s it. I think we’ve planned every detail. We’ll be fully prepared this time. Go enjoy the rest of your evenings.” Everyone stood to leave but Branwen touched my arm. “A moment, Captain?”

“Of course, Inquisitor,” I told her. I gave a nod toward the exit to Cullen who took the hint, Josephine behind him. We waited for the others to leave before Branwen addressed me.

“I know that last time, I didn’t listen and things ended up badly. I just wanted to know what you had in mind if what happens at the ball goes differently than planned?” She studied me, watching to see if I was nervous for the ball. Of course, I was, but I wasn’t going to let her know that. I’ve been thinking the same thoughts myself.

“We’ll have to take it on at the time. The most important thing is to find the blackmail. If ever you feel like you need me to step in, I will,” I told her. “The ball is almost a breeze compared to what you’ve been through. I wouldn’t worry about it.”

Branwen nodded, her eyes thoughtful. “Solas informed me that you are studying the Fade with him again. I was wondering if I could join you some night?”

She wanted to watch me sit there for a couple hours, making flashing lights in the sky? “If you want to,” I told her, honestly having no opinions on the subject. Maybe with her there, I would be able to open it. “Solas told me I should let my mind rest tonight before the ball though, so maybe tomorrow?”

“I look forward to it,” she told me, glancing down at her maps. I took this as a dismissal and I went to the entrance, glancing over at her.

“Branwen?” I said softly. Her blue eyes met mine. “Thanks for having faith in me and making me part of your inner circle. You may not feel like it, but you are an amazing leader. So many look up to you. I do.”

Branwen blinked at me before blushing a little and reaching a hand to her eye. “Thank you,” she told me, her voice breaking slightly. “ I have…uh…maps to look at.”

“Of course, Inquisitor,” I told her with a sincere smile. I respected the fuck out that woman. Most of the camp were in their tents, ready to sleep for the night, the camp mostly quiet. Cullen was wrapping up his work as I entered the tent, his armor already off. I smiled at his back, going to it and wrapping my arms around his waist, feeling the warmth from him. “I love when your armor is off,” I mumbled into his back.

Cullen chuckled and I let go, my fingers tickling his back as I walked away to my bedroll. I unrolled it, hoping tonight was the night that I was able to pass out for a whole evening. I sat on the bedroll, shrugging off my boots. I fell back onto my bedroll, arms stretched out above my head, taking in a deep breath and closing my eyes. I felt a few minutes pass and I opened an eye to peek at Cullen. He was still writing and I knew he was worried about tomorrow. “ _All by myself. Don’t want to be all by myself anymore.”_ I gave my best Bridget Jones impression, watching Cullen glance over at me before shaking his head. “ _One is the lonliest number that you’ll ever do. One is the loneliest number, whoa-oh, worse than two.”_ Was he getting the hint to come to bed?

Cullen turned toward me, his face in the light. “Honestly,” he said exasperated but his scar lifted in a small smile. He set down the pen and turned off the lantern, making the tent pitch black for the briefest of time. I heard some rustling of fabric and I waited to hear him lay next to me. Did he leave?

“You left, didn’t you?” I asked into the darkness. Did he seriously leave? I sighed. “Varric wouldn’t have left,” I mumbled.

“Maker’s breath,” Cullen breathed into the blackness. “I’m still here.” I heard the faint amusement in his voice and I let out an internal sigh of relief.

“You know, I don’t think anyone will be able to read your reports that you wrote in the dark,” I told him, crossing my ankles, and tapping my foot. “You’re such a-oh hey!”

Cullen’s arm was around my waist pulling me to his chest. “You think I write reports in the dark?”

I shrugged my shoulders and put a hand on his chest. “I wouldn’t put it against you,” I admitted. He chuckled and kissed the top of my head. I rested my head on his chest, listening to the sound of his heart beating, both of us enjoying the silence.

“I know I keep telling you, but I can’t seem to say it enough. I love you,” I told him. Hoping that he wasn’t annoyed with hearing it so often.

“I’ll never get tired of hearing it,” he admitted. “I love you too, Love.” I felt his arm grip me a little tighter and I wrapped my own around him. Hoping that doing this would help keep our nightmares away. If not mine, at least his.

 _The King thought you were a fool. He doesn’t understand why you are there. You don’t have an efficient plan if things go wrong tomorrow. Who knows. Maybe some rogue templars or mages will show up wanting to stop the Empress. Maybe you were wrong about where the items are. Maybe they won’t be able to stop the assassination of the Empress._ Nightmare told me.

I felt Cullen’s chest begin to breathe deeply in sleep. I ignored Nightmare, thinking of him more like when my anxiety spoke to me than an actual being now. When I closed my eyes, I saw the Fade flashing in my head. I saw Cullen covered in blood and red lyrium. I saw my family, flashing one by one. Nightmare was in a mood tonight. He knew tomorrow was important and was going to keep me from sleeping tonight.

I sighed in frustration, carefully leaving Cullen’s side and grabbing my bag and lute. I quietly left the tent, making sure to hear Cullen’s light snores as I left the tent. I headed to the fire, where the people on watch typically sat. Bull was sitting there, looking tired.

“Rift,” Bull greeted. This was a nightly occurrence the past few nights. Bull would greet me, then pass out, knowing I would wake him before going to bed or if anything happened. I pulled out the parchment and ink, knowing that drawing typically helped calm me the most.

I focused on the stroke of the pen and the way the lines formed an image. I always got lost in my drawings, not realizing time. I heard someone break a twig and my head went up like a dog hearing a car door. Alistair was standing there, hesitating at the edge of the fire. “You can sit,” I told him, gesturing to the other logs.

“Do you often draw late into the night?” Alistair asked as he watched my hand move with purpose. The way he asked me reminded me how he asked if the hero had ever licked a lamppost in winter.

“Lately,” I answered, finishing the drawing and setting it by the heat of the fire to dry. “Nightmares. Why aren’t you sleeping?”

“The same,” he answered with tired eyes. Poor Alistair. I could only imagine what he dreamed about. He noticed my lute. “Care to sing?”

I glanced over at my lute. “Have any particular type in mind?”

He took a moment to think it over. “Something I can relate to,” he told me. “I’ve been thinking about my past, especially with Zevran and Leliana.”

“Are you sure?” I asked him, a song in mind. Alistair nodded his head, his forearms on his knees. He closed his eyes as I tuned my lute. I set it on my lap comfortably and then cleared my throat. “ _Oh Misty eye of the Mountain below. Keep careful watch of my brothers’ souls. And should the sky, be filled with fire and smoke. Keep watching over Durin’s sons.”_ The lute joined in and I watched Alistair keep his eyes closed, taking in every word I sang. As the song progressed, I noticed him starting to look at me. “ _And if the night is burning, I will cover my eyes. For if the dark returns, then my brothers will die. And as the sky is falling down, it crashed into this lonely town. And with that shadow upon the ground, I hear my people screaming out. Now I see fire, inside the mountains. I see fire, burning the trees. I see fire, hollowing souls. I see fire, blood in the breeze.”_

Alistair’s eyes stayed on me, his face dark and haunted. His mouth was slightly opened and I wondered if he was reliving his love’s death, or Duncan’s. I finished the song, setting the lute beside me. I waited for Alistair to speak first. “I should be clapping, shouldn’t I?” Alistair asked.

I shook my head. “No,” I told him, smiling lightly. “It would be weird after you asked and all,” I joked. He half smiled, his mind obviously somewhere else. We both sat in silence, staring into the fire, our thoughts consuming us. I didn’t realize how late it got until someone came to relieve Bull. I gathered my things knowing I should try to get some rest for tomorrow.

Maker’s breath, I hope my plan works!


	20. Chapter Twenty

**I do not own any characters. They all belong to Maker Bioware. Shout out to my beta reader Eruya. Loving the song suggestions, reviews, follows, and favorites! You guys rock! Hope you enjoy this chapter! Rated M for language and lemons.**

Chapter 20

The gates to the Winter Palace were large and impressive. I never really looked at the entrance of the palace except to do quests. The Inquisition were impressive in their matching colored outfits. I mean, the men still looked like the Nutcracker, but they were rocking the suits and masks. At first, they all complained about wearing the masks, well, all of them except Dorian. He was ecstatic and offered to provide entertainment if we provided him with five scarves. Unfortunately, everyone but Branwen and I voted no to that. They didn’t know what they were missing and I really wanted to know what he did with those scarves. Seriously though, what did he do with them?

I smoothed out the blue fabric of my dress, glancing at the advisors in front of me, feeling a bit self-conscious. Josephine and Leliana were just so gorgeous. Everyone here is so attractive. Even Solas in his way. I glanced over at Solas who was staring at Branwen from the corner of his eye. Branwen was regal in her red and gold dress, standing out from the rest of us. The leader we needed. My eyes went to Cullen’s back and I gave a half smile. He was focused and in full Commander mode, his broad shoulders straight and determined.

I let out a deep breath and Bull bumped into my arm. “Nervous, Rift?” He asked in a low voice. I glanced over at him and gave a small nod.

“A little,” I told him, knowing there would be a bigger, more judging audience. “I’m hoping the plan works.”

“You’ll do fine, Rift,” he assured me, giving me a little boost in confidence. He gave me a small smile and I smiled in return, determined to not let my nerves take over. You got this Captain King. You. Got. This. You’ll distract the crowd so that the Inquisitor won’t be missed. She has the hard part. You have it easy.

Alistair had entered before us, more than ready to help our cause. He was regal in his black and silver outfit, making me wish that we had those colors as well. None of us really had time to talk before leaving, set on the tasks we had assigned. I took a deep breath, gathering myself and reminding who I was walking with. I am part of the Inquisition, no time for stage fright.

We arrived at the gates and Gaspard stood smiling as he noticed the Inquisition. “Inquisitor! I am so happy to see you attended. A word please?”

Branwen nodded to him, strutting to meet him with authority. Josephine led us through the gardens, toward the main entry. Many people were strolling the paths, taking in the new arrivals.“We shall wait for the Inquisitor in the main hall,” Josephine informed us as we headed up the stairs to the doors. “I’ll wait for her here.”

“If you say so, Josie,” Leliana told Josephine, heading through the doors and toward the staircase. I felt a gasp escape me as I took in the castle around me. It was more breathtaking then in the game. Everything looked like something from a fairytale. I spun around slowly, taking everything in. There were so many details to see, I couldn’t choose where to start.

“Stop gaping at the walls and come along,” Dorian told me, grabbing my elbow. I followed him up the steps, still taking everything in. I felt a fascinated smile on my face as I saw the carvings hit the light just right. Yeah guys, I want a castle.

“Are all palaces like this?” I asked Dorian. He glanced at me and glanced around the hall.

“Honestly, most places in Tevinter are ruins. However, I think most Orlesian architecture is this extravagant, yes.” His grey eyes landed back on me, gesturing to my outfit. “Speaking of extravagant, you look rather stunning standing next to me.”

I laughed and winked at him. “Yes. We make a perfect pair.” He offered his arm and I accepted, smiling at him. “Are these like the Tevninter gatherings?”

Dorian smirked. “More or less. I can picture my mother coming and pulling on my ear, taking me away.” I laughed and he patted my hand at the top of the stairs. “If you are done with the quizzing part of the evening, we best start listening for information. You never know what some people let slip out to impress.”

I nodded in understanding as he let go of my hand, giving me a smile goodbye. I watched him walk off and I licked my lips, going the opposite direction to start eavesdropping. I walked slowly, passing Leliana who watched me with her eyes as she talked to a noble. Most of the conversations were about what others were wearing. I past a group of women, giggling about the men that were there. I heard the Commander and I couldn’t help myself. I approached the group, casually pretending that I belonged. The women chuckled and glanced at me. “Ladies,” I told them, admiring their outfits. “Your dresses are amazing! You make little ole me feel so underdressed!”

The other women looked at each other before glancing back at me, hesitant to ask her question. “You came with the Inquisition, did you not?”

I smiled at the woman, taking in her ruffled layered pink and purple dress. “I did,” I answered, putting on a big smile.

“Is the Commander with anyone?” Another of the women asked in a staged whisper. “Did anyone see if King Alistair had a wife?”

I laughed and smiled at them. “No to both,” I informed them, grinning. “You will have to get a dance in. I hear the Commander is excited for dancing. As for King Alistair, he has been anticipating the dancing since his arrival.”

“Really?” The first woman said with a smile. “I’ll inform my daughter.” She glanced around to see if she could spot her.

“I should get going, but have an amazing time ladies,” I told them in goodbye, doing a small wave and fake smile. “Enjoy your dancing.”

I smiled a little to myself, knowing that Cullen didn’t dance. If it wasn’t me doing it, Dorian would have. Besides, we need attention on others and away from the Inquisitor during the ball. I saw two men talking quietly and I thought I heard a couple names that seemed important. My eyes were on them and I headed toward them casually, leaning against the railing of the stairs. There were too many voices for me to hear them properly. I side stepped a little, bumping into someone. “So sorry,” I told them, glancing at them briefly and touching their arm. I noticed the red of the suit and I glanced up at Cullen. He had a bit of a smirk and I smiled at him. “Oh, hey! You are already the talk of many women around here,” I informed him. “I don’t see how you wouldn’t be, looking like the Nutcracker Prince.”

“Nutcracker Prince?” He asked me, his scar lifting into a smile. “I doubt I’m the topic of conversation between anyone.”

“Commander,” I started to explain to him. “You are the ideal man that all women want their daughters to marry. Well, you and Alistair. I wouldn’t be surprised if you two were busy dancing with all the daughters this evening.”

Cullen rolled his eyes. “That won’t be happening. I don’t dance.”

I turned to him fully, giving him my full attention. “In the words of Liliana then, just stand there and be pretty.” I gave him my full-fledged smile and his smile softened as he looked at me. “What?” I asked, suddenly self-conscious.

“I just didn’t get a chance to see you in your dress,” he told me, grabbing my hand. “You are beautiful,” he said softly. I blushed and smiled at him, wanting to kiss him, but knowing that he had a part to play tonight.

“Thank you,” I responded quietly, not used to compliments. Especially from men who were Cullen. I grinned at him, taking my hand back so it wouldn’t be obvious we were together. The doors opened to the hall and Branwen came through them, walking confidently up the steps, Josephine following behind her. Cullen and I exchanged glances and he smiled before holding out his arm for me to grab.

I accepted it, smiling at him as we made our way toward the door. I took in all the dresses and outfits around me. There were so many different masks and hats. It was crazy. Orlais definitely knew how to make masks. I wanted one. One with awesome feathers. I wanted one almost as bad as I wanted one of the ball masks from Labyrinth. I peeked over at Cullen and felt very confident all of the sudden. I was walking with Cullen, in public, dressed up, at a ball.

We made it through the doors and I laughed when we entered the ballroom. It was even bigger than in game and I felt like I should be in Phantom of the Opera or Anastasia. There were many people watching our entrance into the ballroom and I reminded myself silently to keep my shoulders back and walk like a book was on my head. I couldn’t stop turning my head to take in the wall decoration, the ballroom floor, the way the lighting made the palace magical. “This is incredible,” I said out loud, glancing up at the ceiling. How much time it took to make this place, I couldn’t imagine.

Cullen laughed and led us to Josephine, who was talking with Leliana. She glanced at us as we approached, smiling in relief. “Good. We are all here,” she told us. Branwen joined us a second later, glancing around nervously.

“Uh, Josephine. Gaspard mentioned something about introductions?” Her voice was a bit unsteady, but her face didn’t show it. I could tell she was uncomfortable with the whole ball thing.

“Yes. Gaspard will be introduced first and walk down the stairs. You will be after,” she informed Branwen. “It’s as if you have never attended a ball before.”

Branwen gave Josephine a half smile. “I’m Dalish, Josephine. We don’t have many balls. None that I’m invited to anyhow.”

Josephine gave an apologetic face. “I’m sorry Inquisitor. Of course, I should have thought of that. Just wait until your name is called before walking. We will all be right behind you. It will be me first, Leliana second, Cullen third and Kassy last.”

I raised an eyebrow, then remembered she couldn’t see it. “I’m entering with you guys?”

Josephine nodded. “You are the Inquisitor’s gift to the Empress. You will be presented then.  King Alistair will be announced after us of course.”

“Of course,” Branwen said with a hint of teasing. “A lot of pomp for one event.”

“Yes, but necessary,” Josephine informed us. “Gaspard is heading over. Work your charm.”

“You have a lot of faith in my charm,” Branwen muttered, putting on a warm smile and heading over to Gaspard. Josephine had us go down the stairs and line up, and I hoped we would get this over quickly. I felt like a kid having to do a presentation and it wasn’t even the hard part yet. I felt Cullen’s hand on mine for a moment and I glanced up at him. He was in Commander mode now and I took his cue, standing straight and with purpose as I let go of his arm. 

“And now presenting, Grand Duke Gaspard de Chalons! And accompanying him; Lady Inquisitor Lavellan!  Vanquisher of the rebel mages of Ferelden, crusher of the vile apostates of the mages underground! Champion of the Blessed Andraste Herself!” Branwen bowed to Celene before heading down the stairs. Her grace remarkable. Oh, to be an elf! I watched how she moved slowly and with purpose. Every step gaining attention. I peeked back at Solas and saw him giving a small smile as he watched her. It was almost like he was proud of her.

“Accompanying the Inquisitor: The Lady Inquisitor’s elven serving man, Solas!” I forgot they call him a man servant! I kept from laughing but a small smile made it on my face. “The Iron Bull, leader of the famed mercenary company Bull’s Chargers! As the name might imply. Lord Dorian Pavus, member of the circle of Vyrantium. Son of Lord Magister Halward Pavus of Asariel.”

“Lady Josephine Cherette Montilyet of Antiva City! Ambassador of the Inquisition.” Josephine started her way down, the crowd still whispering over Branwen’s entrance. She owned the court, knowing how to play their games. I licked my lips, knowing we would be soon.

“Lady Leliana, Nightingale of the Imperial Court! Veteran of the Fifth Blight! Seneschal of the Inquisition and Left Hand of the Divine!” Leliana strutted down, and I noticed they left out her being a mistress to those three people. Odd. What would they say about me.

 “Ser Cullen Stanton Rutherford of Honnleath! Commander of the forces of the Inquisition. Former Knight-Commander of Kirkwall.” Cullen began his walk down the stairs and I heard many of the women start to whisper about his single status. I wanted to smile, but I resisted the urge.

“And Kassandra Kay King, Captain of the Inquisition! The Inquisitor’s gift for Empress Celene!” I walked slowly like the others. Praying to God I didn’t trip over my dress. I made it down the steps and felt eyes on me. I kept my chin up, chanting to myself. You are Captain King. You are Captain King!

“Cousin,” Gaspard began as I arrived, standing next to Cullen. “My dear sister.” So far this was word for word. Creepy.

“Grand Duke. We are honored by your presence,” Celene told him, with a bow of her head. Well there we go. Different now.

“Let’s not waste time with pleasantries. We have business to conclude,” Gaspard told her.

“We shall see to negotiations after we see to our other guests,” she informed him.  “Lady Inquisitor. Welcome to the Winter Palace. Allow me to present our cousin,” Celene said, gesturing to the woman next to her. “The Grand Duchess of Lydes, without whom, this gathering would never be possible.”

“What an unexpected pleasure,” Florianne told Branwen. “I was not aware the Inquisition would be part of the festivities. Or that you would be bringing us a gift. We shall speak later, Inquisitor.”

Celene paid no attention to Florianne’s exit, focusing on Branwen. “Your arrival is like a cool wind on a summer’s day.”

“It’s an honor to be here, your majesty,” Branwen replied, earning a smile from Celene.

“We have heard tales of your exploits, Inquisitor. They have made entertainment for long evenings.” She tiltled her head and gave a small smile. “How do you find Halamshiral?”

Branwen grinned at Celene. “I’ve never seen anything to equal the Winter Palace,” she informed Celene.

“We hope you will find time to take in some of its beauties. Feel free to enjoy the pleasures of the ballroom, Inquisitor. We look forward to your gift of entertainment and watching you dance.” Branwen bowed and turned to head up the steps that Gaspard went up. We all followed, Cullen offering me his arm to go up the steps again.

“Are you ready?” He asked me in a low voice. I noticed his moment of dropping the Commander mode, his eyes on me with hesitancy.

I nodded and gave him a grin. “No need to worry, Commander. When am I ever not?” I let go of his arm at the top of the stairs, winking at him before heading toward where I saw the musicians. Of course, they were back at the bottom of the stairway.

“King Alistair of Fereldan! Veteran of the Fifth Blight! Former Grey Warden!” I watched as Alistair walked down the steps, many people losing interest in the introductions after Branwen left. I carefully went back down the stairs to where the dancers had begun to pair off for dancing. Many of the women were pointing at Alistair, making him blush as he came to the bottom of my stairs. I grinned at Alistair, hoping he recognized who I was.

“King Alistair,” I greeted him, stopping and nodding. “I hope they have proper cheese for you here,” I told him, glancing up at the crowd. “I think many single ladies are going to try to win your heart tonight…among other things.”

Alistair laughed and blushed slightly. “Is that really what’s going on here? I’ll not let that distract me…too much. I mean, we all have big parts to play here. Well, some bigger than others. So, I will dance and eat cheese to help.”

“How did you know it was me?” I asked him, glancing around. “It could have been anybody.”

Alistair chuckled and glanced back at me. “That wasn’t a joke was it? With you being introduced not five minutes ago and the whole no Orlesian accent?”

I heard a duh, sound in my head and I blushed. “Go eat cheese,” I told him, leaving him chuckling on the stairs. I headed toward the musicians, ready to start the entertainment. The sooner Branwen found the blackmail the better. What song to start with? I had so many I thought would be good to sing tonight, but how to start?

I told myself to keep it to Disney tonight with occasional other ones to help keep it more ball like. I saw what looked like a piano and I smiled to myself, knowing only some Disney songs on piano. Let’s do this then. I approached the band and smiled at them. “I’m the entertainment curtesy of the Inquisitor to her majesty.”

They nodded in understanding and I sat at the piano, glancing over at them. “When you get the feel of the song, feel free to join in.” They all stared at me in confusion and annoyance, but I ignored them, starting off with Beauty and the Beast. A favorite of mine. I started off the introduction, surprisingly with ease. Don’t blow this! I told myself. Many of the onlookers were surprised that a lone piano was playing, but I continued, not letting their faces of judgement throw me. “ _Tale as old as time. True as it can be. Barely even friends, then somebody bends, unexpectedly.”_ Violins joined me and I glanced at them in surprise and with a smile, loving the way it sounded.

Surprisingly, people made their way onto the dance floor, waltzing. So, they did waltz here. Awesome. Alistair already was on the dance floor, his smile charming and effortless. He was on top of his game I guess. The other instruments joined and it sounded almost like the actual version of the song, but even better.

The crowd gave an appreciative applause and I curtsied to them. The musicians waited to see if I was going to do another performance and I ran through piano songs I knew in my head. I knew a grand total of Disney songs on piano, plus Shall we Dance from the King and I. Let’s break out “Go the Distance.” I slowly began playing it, wondering how the audience would dance. A group of people started doing a synchronized dance and others joined in. Must be one that was known here. Very Jane Austen, Orlais. “ _I can go the distance. I will find my way, if I can be strong. I know every mile, will be worth my while. When I go the distance, I’ll be right where I belong.”_

I kept my smile on as I sang, glancing around the hall for familiar faces. Leliana caught my eye giving me a lopsided smile before turning back to the noble in front of her. More people were on the dance floor and others were looking down from the railing at me, acting as if it was a concert, rather than a ball. Good. So, the plan was working so far. I began to just play a medley of Disney songs, hoping to entertain but give my voice a rest. It was tough having to sing loudly so that most everyone can hear.

Blurs of colors flashed by as the guests twirled and bowed to each other, their dancing almost more entertaining than my music. I needed something more upbeat before going to another waltz so I started playing “Shall We Dance.” I quickly glanced at the strings as they smiled, quickly joining in, somehow feeling the gist of how this song went. I saw them watching my hands as I played, paying attention to the tune. I nodded and grinned at them, loving how it sounded already. _“We've just been introduced, I do not know you well. But when the music started, something drew me to your side. So many men and girls, are in each other’s arms-. It made me think we might be, similarly occupied.”_

Many smiling faces came out onto the dance floor for this, including Josephine. I nodded to her as she spun past me. Alistair had a new woman on his arm and he looked like he was in the middle of telling a joke as the music started swelling.  “ _Shall we dance? On a bright cloud of music shall we fly? Shall we dance? Shall we then say "Goodnight and mean "Goodbye"? Or perchance, when the last little star has left the sky. Shall we still be together, with our arms around each other? And shall you be my new romance? On the clear understanding, that this kind of thing can happen, shall we dance? Shall we dance? Shall we Dance?”_

I heard laughter and I briefly looked up, not confident in the keys to this song at all. I saw many nodding their heads at each other and spinning, their gowns swooshing and creating a scene from a movie. I continued with the song, singing and still baffled that the other musicians were following the song. The song came to an end and there was a rupture of applause as people turned to me, clapping. I stood and curtsied, giving them a toothy grin. I leaned over to the nearest violin player, asking for a lute or guitar. The musician nodded, whispering to the other musicians. “We have one in the music room, my lady. If you could wait a few minutes while it is retrieved. You earned a rest.”

“Uh, thank you,” I replied. “I’ll be back in a few minutes then,” I said rather nonchalantly.

 _So far you haven’t ruined everything. Plans don’t always stay on track though. They can only be entertained by you like this for so long before you are old news. Do you really have anything up your sleeve? This isn’t the most thought out plan._ Nightmare hissed.

Of fucking course, he’d be here. I bit my lower lip, worried that he was right. How long can this last? We were only an hour in and I knew we wouldn’t be this lucky for very long. Half of that was me playing Disney songs. I went up the stairs, taking my time. At the top, I searched for one of the Inquisition, wanting to see how things were going with Branwen.

I heard several giggles and a “Commander!” from behind me. I glanced over my shoulder, seeing a group of women surrounding Cullen. I spun around, not being able to keep the smirk from my face. Cullen was a popular one tonight. I slowly walked toward the group, wanting to see what they were saying. “Dance with my daughter, Commander?” “You do dance, don’t you Commander?” “Is someone as handsome as you single, Commander?”

Cullen was blushing, but he put on a heart stopping smile. “I don’t dance, but thank you for the offer. If I accepted every dance this evening, I wouldn’t be able to walk tomorrow. From dancing that is.” His hand went to the back of his neck and the women sighed. I rolled my eyes, but I couldn’t blame them. I felt that way almost all the time with him.

“That’s a shame, Commander.” “Are you sure, Commander?” “Marry me, Commander?” I said and the women around me giggled and shook their heads. Everyone asking him so many questions at once, that no one could be sure who asked what. Except Cullen, whose eyes went to mine and his scar twitched into a one-sided smile. I gave a small smile, backing away from the others and heading toward a balcony, needing some fresh air. The ballroom was growing warm and the mask and dress didn’t help for keeping me cool. I went and leaned on the balcony railing, instantly feeling better once the cool air hit my skin.

I breathed in a deep breath and let go slowly. I felt the wind blow in my hair and I sighed. Branwen, I hope everything was going okay. I heard footsteps coming onto the balcony and I straightened and turned toward them. Cullen was there, smiling at me. “Escaped from your admirers, eh?”

He chuckled and walked to me, smiling. “I told them King Alistair was looking for dance partners.” I laughed, grinning at him. Cullen leaned on the railing next to me, taking in the courtyard below. “Leliana informed me that everything is going according to plan. The Inquisitor told her that with the other’s help, they were able to find Briala and some of the other items.”

I sighed in relief, not realizing that I was stressing out about it more than I thought I was. Being on this end of the job really sucked. The waiting and hoping the plan would go according to how I thought it would. “Thank God,” I said quietly. “I hate being on the waiting end.” I took off my mask, wanting the air to hit my face. “Now I know how you feel when we go on missions.”

Cullen took off his own mask and lifted an eyebrow at me. “This is nowhere how I feel when you go on missions,” he told me, grabbing my hand. “Trust me.”

His whiskey eyes held my blue ones and I squeezed his hand, inching closer to him. “Dance with me tonight?”

“No,” he told me, before shaking his head. “That is, I mean, I don’t dance. I didn’t mean to sound rude.”

I laughed and placed a hip against the railing. “I don’t know how to either here. We’re the perfect pair. I’ll look just as spazzy as you.”

“Spazzy?” Cullen asked, as I started putting on my mask again. “I know how to dance, I just prefer not to.” He followed my lead, putting his mask on as well.

“Then I’ll be the only spazz out on the floor,” I muttered to him, leaning in to give him a kiss. His hand went to my waist, pulling me toward him. My hands went to his chest, feeling the beating of his heart get faster. It was moments like these, out in the starry sky, in full out ball attire, that I’ll remember forever. It was something out of a book.

Someone cleared their throat and Cullen and I jumped a little. Cullen stepped away from me, his hand running through his hair and I put my hands to my hips. Alistair leaned against the entrance, arms folded against his chest, a smirk on his face. “The Captain and Commander? Should have guessed that one.”

“King Alistair,” Cullen said, giving a little bow. His eyes flickered to me and I winked at him and gave a small smile. “Were you looking for me?”

“Actually,” Alistair began, pushing off the wall and walking toward us. “Someone told all the women here, that I was available for any dance they wished.” He gave a pointed look at Cullen. “Do you mind if I steal the Captain King here for a distraction tactic?”

“Remigold?” I asked hopefully. I just wanted to see him do it! Wait, did Alistair ask me to dance? I didn’t know how? Were we going to waltz? Please, let it be a waltz!

“No!” Alistair stated right away, making me giggle. He tapped his foot, holding out his hand. “Care for a dance?”

I glanced briefly at Cullen, who was purposefully avoiding my eyes. It was just a dance. Just because he didn’t want to dance, didn’t mean I couldn’t dance with Alistair. After all, you can’t refuse the King. “Let’s do this,” I told him with a smile. “Fair warning, I’m not good.”

Alistair looked relieved. “Thank the Maker. I have been counting steps in my head all night. It will be nice to finally not have to worry if I’m doing the steps correctly.”

I put my hand in his and he placed it in the crook of his arm. Woah. He had practice with this. I looked at Cullen, smiling. “Don’t be leaving me for one of those Orlesian girls,” I warned him.

“Never,” he told me, his eyes softening and gave me a smile that made the butterflies erupt. I blushed, wondering how he was able to make me blush even after everything we’ve done together. I kept my posture straight as Alistair led us to the staircase leading down to the dancefloor.

As the song started, I noticed it was only a waltz and I let out a mental sigh of relief. Alistair put his hand on my waist and grabbed my other hand. I put my other hand on his shoulder and we began to slowly turn around the floor with the other dancers. “Sorry to interrupt your moment on the balcony. I didn’t know if I could stand one more dance where I talked about politics or marriage.”

I gave him a beam. “Don’t worry about it. It’s not the first time we’ve been interrupted.” He lifted me into the air and I was surprised by his strength. “Practice dancing with the other templars?”

Alistair laughed, and I forgot how genuine his laughter was. “Yes. All of us Templars got together, pairing off and hoisting each other into the air.”

I chuckled at the thought, amused at how that would be. “Try any of the cheese yet?” I asked. He shook his head, sighing.

“I’ve been busy talking and distracting. Haven’t had much time to go see what they had to offer.” Our dancing got even faster and I felt a smile from the pace. Alistair grinned as well. “I thought you said you couldn’t dance.”

“I can’t!” I exclaimed, laughing at the same time. “Must be a fluke?” He twirled me, and we strutted across the floor. Alistair was determined, but he laughed along with me, making sound effects as he twirled me and dipped me.

I heard murmurings and I glanced toward the guests. Alistair followed and shook his head at me, getting a mischievous smile. “Follow my lead?”

I nodded, wondering what he was thinking. He twirled me away from him and started shaking his hips. I laughed and followed his dance moves, and we circled each other, moving more salsa like. Dance party Alistair! Love it! I heard the talking get louder and people were getting off the dance floor, watching us with interest and confusion. Alistair kicked one of his legs out and started doing some tap like moves, his legs moving fast. I assumed this was the Remigold. I hoped it was at least. I tried to play along, kicking my legs fast too, trying to remember moves from the olden days. I began to catch on to his moves, and I saw his hands jazz handing in the air.

Alistair’s smile was huge, as he grabbed my hand again, spinning me back into his arms. We finished the dance as a waltz and there was a bit of scattered applause. “It’s hard to please,” he muttered, a little out of breath.

I gave an apologetic smile and grabbed his arm as he escorted me off the dance floor. “At least we entertained. And I saw the Remigold.”

“Liked that did you?” Alistair asked. He glanced around the ball room and sighed. “Back to work,” he told me and I nodded. His eyes rested on the group of women staring at him with hopeful eyes.

“Good luck,” I replied. Many eyes were on us as he left and a woman quickly averted her eyes as I glanced at her.

“Captain King,” I heard Josephine say. I turned to her, putting on my best smile. “Interesting dance,” she told me amused. I shrugged my shoulders, not really having a response to that. If Josephine didn’t reprimand me for it, I call it a success. “I thought I would introduce you to my little sister,” she told me. “Captain, this is Yvette.”

I grinned reaching out a hand for introduction. Yvette looked at it for a second, before hesitantly reaching out a hand and grabbing it. “Nice to meet you, Yvette. Sorry, I guess we don’t do handshakes here. I’ll remember that.”

Josephine giggled and turned to Yvette. “Captain King isn’t familiar with the customs of Orlais. She comes from a very unique place.”

Yvette had a sly smile on her face. “Tevinter?” Her eyes moved up my body before settling on my face. “The accent doesn’t seem like it.”

Everyone notices the accent tonight. “I hear you’re an artist, Yvette.” Yvette’s face lit up and she turned to Josephine.

“Has my sister been telling you about my work?” She asked. “I didn’t know you were telling stories about me. Perhaps I can do the same?”

“Yvette,” Josephine warned. They shared a look that I knew all too well. I miss sharing that look with Sadie. I gave a sad smile in remembering before glancing at the musicians. I should really be getting back to my part of the plan.

“I should get back to performing,” I told them in an apologetic way. “It was a pleasure to meet you Yvette. Maybe later you can fill me in on some of those stories about Josephine.”

Josephine rolled her eyes and Yvette stifled a laugh. “Indeed. I look forward to your future performances.”

I gave a nod to them, reminding myself to walk with shoulders back and tall. You got this Captain King. Only a little bit longer. A few more songs. Then hopefully, Branwen would be back to help us. I heard the giggles of the women again and I witnessed Cullen’s fan group. He looked rather uncomfortable and he caught my eye as I passed, his face suddenly pleased. His whiskey eyes softened for a moment before it turned and I heard him ask if someone touched his butt.

Turning my focus back to where I was walking, I saw many people averting their glances from me before whispering to each other. They couldn’t be more discreet about gossiping, could they? I felt a bit of anger that they were so obvious, but then remembered that our distraction was a success. They were focusing on Alistair and me, and not Branwen. However, if they wanted to hear about gossip, I’ll give them a song about gossip and how it can ruin some people lives.

Liam and Sadie were obsessed with Hamilton. Their obsession spread to my parents and soon my other siblings. I was the only one not in love with that musical. I liked King George’s songs, “Helpless”, “Satisfied”, and “Burn”. So those were the ones I learned on guitar. Liam would sing them along with me. Burn would be the perfect song for these particular guests.

I felt determination in my chest and used that for my fuel, ignoring the aching feeling for Liam and Sadie. Those aches would never go away, and I was learning how to live with them now. I approached the musicians, glad to see the extra lute, lying on top of the piano. They finished their song, as I tuned my lute quietly, making sure not to interrupt them. As the final note played, the dancers bowed and curtsied to each other.

Adjusting my position on the piano bench, I caught the conductor’s eye. He nodded to me, so far being able to catch on to the feel of how a song should be played. I took a deep breath, wishing I had grabbed wine or something to wet my mouth and throat. I played the beginning introduction of “Burn”, allowing the music to fill me and get me into character.

“ _I saved every letter you wrote. From the moment I read them, I knew you were mine. You said you were mine. I thought you were mine.”_ People casually glanced over. Listening to the lyrics as I read. _“The world seemed to burn. Buuuuuuuuuurn.”_

The violins joined in softly and it sounded odd, hearing it with the lute. I was so used to hearing it with just the guitar. I loved how it made the song seem so much more dramatic with them being so prominent. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “ _You published the letters she wrote you. You told the whole world how you brought this girl, into our bed. And in clearing your name, you have ruined our lives.”_ There was whispering again and I opened my eyes, feeling many eyes and whispers directed toward me. No one was dancing to this song. They seemed to realize it was entertainment and to be watched and perceived, not an accompanying. Give them a show, Kass.

“ _I’m erasing myself from the narrative. Let the future historians wonder, how Kassandra reacted, when you broke her heart, and tore it all apart.”_ I glanced at the people by the railings, seeing Alistair staring at me with an intense look on his face, wondering if this was a true story or not. Others just seemed excited about a song that had so much drama in it. “ _The world has no right to my heart, it has no right in our bed. They don’t get to know what I said. I’m burning the memories.”_ One of the musicians gave me a sad look as they pulled their bow across their strings. “ _I hope that you…burn.”_

There was a moment of silence as the song ended and everyone glanced at each other before I heard a single person applauding. I glanced over at the person, seeing Cullen clapping, his eyes fixed on me with the wonder of when I first arrived. Alistair joined in and soon the applause filled the whole room. I felt myself blushing, not sure that the performance warranted that kind of response. I stood and curtsied to everyone in response, not sure of what else I should be doing.

I set the lute against the piano as I sat on the stool, resting my fingers on the keys. When I was younger, I used to think I could play the piano super fast and be a genius at it, like my older sister. I was an amateur when it came to the piano though, being better at guitar than piano. Now was a time I wish I had those super powers again. I stretched my fingers and my eyes shifted over to where I last saw Cullen applauding. He was still there, many of the woman talking to him, but his eyes were on me, though I could tell he was trying to get back into Commander mode. I gave him a dreamy smile, starting to play the beginning of “So Close” from Enchanted.

Couples paired off and I saw Alistair walk onto the floor, escorting a woman in a green and gold dress. “ _You’re in my arms, and all the world is calm. The music playing on, for only two.”_ The conductor raised his arms and led the other instruments in slowly. I was still amazed at how they could pick up on what notes to play just by ear. They must be expertly trained here. “ _So close to reaching, that famous happy end. Almost believing, that this one’s not pretend. And now you’re beside me and look how far we’ve come. So far, we are, so close.”_

I noticed Branwen enter the ballroom as the song was coming to a close, and I followed her with my eyes. I wondered if she finished everything. Already? “ _So close. So close. And still, so far.”_

There was a woman talking to one of the musicians who glanced over at the conductor. I played the piano, mindlessly, letting my fingers choose easier Disney songs to play. I searched for Branwen, seeing her talking with Cullen. They both nodded to each other during the conversation, before Branwen left him and headed toward the other side of the ballroom. I followed her still, watching her get stopped by Florianne.

I forgot that Florianne would want to dance with Branwen and try to get us to investigate the royal wing. Not that we weren’t going to. There was a tap on my shoulder and I glanced behind me to see Cullen standing there, surprising me. I finished the song early with a little flourish and stood, giving the musicians a nod. Giving Cullen a confused look, I followed him toward the edge of the dance floor. “It seems that there was a surprise visit from one of Lelianna’s old friends.”

Another person? Who coul-. “Morrigan,” I said quietly and his scar twitched. “I forgot she was here. I knew, but I was trying to remember everything else.”

“You knew?” Cullen asked, then shook his head. “Of course, you knew,” he muttered under his breath. “Maker’s breath, I wish you would tell me how you know so much.”

I felt the guilt coming again and I wish I could too. _He’s been playing you this whole time. He doesn’t love you. He was just told to act like it to figure out your secrets. To figure out how you know so much. To figure out your secret. You are just a mission that he has to succeed at to keep the Inquisition safe. They think you and your knowledge a threat. How could a man like the Commander, be interested in something like you?_ Nightmare hissed.

Damnit Nightmare! I don’t have time for you! I pushed him away, but he battled against me, giving me a headache. Just ignore him Kassy. I forced my attention to Cullen. “Soon,” I told him. “Morrigan isn’t a threat though. She’s actually a big help.”

Music started to play and people were filing onto the floor. Cullen glanced over at the floor, watching the dresses swish as they got into position. I did the same, the couples reminding me of a jewelry music box I once owned. “May I have this dance?”

I felt my heart hammering in my chest as I turned and saw his hand extended out to me. His smile made my chest glow and I grinned at him. “I thought you didn’t dance?”

His golden eyes held my blue ones and he grabbed my hand. “For you, I’ll try.”

He led me to the dance floor, his hand going to my waist. I put a hand on his shoulder and we began to join the others in the dancing. I saw Florianne and Branwen nearby, talking while they danced, but I only gave them a quick glance. Cullen’s eyes still had the wonder from earlier and I felt self-conscious, blushing. “Stop staring at me like that,” I told him, adjusting my hand on his shoulder.

He shook his head, his eyes getting darker. “No,” he replied, his lips forming a half smile. We whirled and my dress swished with it. This dance was very different than the one with Alistair. Dancing with Cullen, was like no one else was there. We were just dancing together alone. With each other. If either of us were dancing incorrectly, neither of us cared or noticed. I felt him pull me closer as we danced, our faces free of expressions, except for our eyes.

I knew he was jealous of Alistair tonight. I knew he was wanting to know my past and how I knew so much about Thedas. I knew he wanted this night to be a success. I knew that it was a big deal for him to dance with me in front of everyone. I thought about that for a minute. “Cullen, what will the women say about you refusing dances all night, but you dance with the bard?”

Cullen gave me a small smile. “Let them talk,” he told me. I gave him an astonished smile back and I could tell he wanted to kiss me, but was restraining himself. “You’re more than a bard,” he said softly. The dance seemed to be done too soon as the music stopped and there was polite applause for Branwen. Cullen escorted me off the floor, toward the doors that led out into the hall.

“Captain. Commander,” Branwen said, gaining our attention. We glanced back at her and I let go of Cullen’s arm. Branwen strutted toward us, her dress flowing around her as she walked. I gave her a confused look and she walked past us, leading us down the stairs, toward more private area.

We followed her, wondering what this was about. Did Florianne say something to surprise her? I stood close to Cullen, our arms brushing. “What’s wrong?” I asked.

Branwen leaned toward us, her voice low. “Florianne says that there is something hidden in the royal wing of the palace. Do you know about this?”

“Did she say what it was?” Cullen questioned, while I searched my brain to remember what I was forgetting. The blackmail in her room, we knew about. What else?

“The rift,” I said aloud, looking over at her. “There’s a rift. A trap.” Suddenly, the playthrough came back to me from previous Inquisitors.

“A rift?” Branwen asked. “What trap?” Cullen questioned. They both looked at me expectantly. Cullen had his arms folded across his chest, full Commander mode. Branwen had her hands on her hips.

“Florianne,” I told them quietly. “I can’t believe I forgot!” I put a hand to my head and my gaze flittered from one to the other. “This was her plan. Not only is she behind the assassination, she created a plan to lure the Inquisitor in and try to kill her as well.”

“How do you forget something like this?” Branwen asked, a bit angry. I put my hands on my hips and met her eyes.

“I get why you’d be upset, but there is a lot to remember about this ball,” I told her. “It’s hard to shift through all the information I know and determine what goes where.”

“What is the plan, Inquisitor?” Cullen asked in his Commander voice. Branwen’s eyes went from Cullen to me.

“Kassy will lead us there,” she told him, glancing around to make sure we were still in private. I nodded in understanding. “I should go before I’m missed.” Her eyes went to me. “Are you able to meet me in ten minutes in the Royal Wing?”

“Of course, Inquisitor,” I told her. She started to leave and I reached out and grabbed her arm. “Branwen, I’m really sorry I forgot…I can’t believe I-.” I felt the guilt at not just forgetting about Morrigan but the rift as well.

Branwen gave me a small smile. “It’s alright. At least we know. To be honest, I’m glad I’m going to have you there. In case any more surprises come up. It’s almost a relief.”

“You should go before you are missed,” I told her. She nodded and walked away from us, her steps commanding. Damn, to be an elf. I turned back to Cullen, knowing he was probably upset with me as well. He still had his arms crossed and his face was expressionless. “I know you’re probably upset, seeing how I forgot another event. I honestly didn’t leave it out on purpose. You know that, right? I would never put the-.”

Cullen pushed me against the wall in the shadow of the alcove, kissing me deeply. I grabbed his face, a hand slipping into his hair. He broke the kiss and leaned his forehead against mine, sighing deeply. “Stay safe,” he whispered. I let my other hand go back to his face and I smiled up at him.

“I will,” I told him. “It’s just a rift. She’s closed so many without issues.” I gave him another light kiss. “I love you,” I mumbled against his lips. I gripped his coin that Varric helped me put on a leather string. I held it out to him and smiled. “I have luck on my side.”

Cullen glanced down at the coin and back up at me, smiling. He reached a hand down to hold mine, pulling it to his lips, kissing it softly. “I love you, too.”  He let go of my hand and I smiled at him, not believing how much I loved this man. “The Inquisitor is waiting for you,” he told me, taking a step back.

“Make sure we aren’t missed,” I told him, reaching up on his tiptoes and giving him a kiss on the cheek. “I’ll see you soon, Lion.”

He watched me walk away and I made sure to sway my hips, turning to give him a wink. He gave a soft laugh, his hand going to the back of his neck. I ran up the steps, heading toward the Royal Wing. I opened the door to the Royal Wing quietly, checking to make sure no one saw me. I heard a spell go off and I ducked, avoiding the spell. “Fuck!” I exclaimed, falling down.

“It’s just Prophet, Sparkler,” Varric said. I gathered myself, accepting the hand that was offered.

“Did you just fall for me, Captain?” Zevran asked, pulling me up. I rolled my eyes, smiling at him.

“I guess we just had to big of a spark,” I joked, glancing over at Dorian. “I know that I was the center of attention tonight, but there is no need for that,” I teased.

“My apologies,” Dorian told me with a smirk. “Why aren’t you making all the guests swoon with your words?” He asked me, leaning on his staff.

“I’m sure she has a very good explanation,” Hawke told everyone, giving me a pat on the back. Everyone waited for me to respond and I gave a sheepish smile.

“I forgot Florianne created a trap to lure the Inquisitor to try to kill her so she won’t interfere with plans to kill the Empress,” I explained, blushing and tucking a stray hair behind my ear. Everyone just raised their eyebrows at me and crossed their arms. “I know, okay. Just, I had a lot to remember. It’s just a rift. We’ve closed countless ones without issues.”

I felt an ache behind my eyes and wondered if it was Fade or Nightmare. Ignoring it, I glanced around taking in the crew. “What’s one more rift, right Rift?” Bull asked, handing me a sword. I took it, wishing I had my staff and my own sword. I unbuttoned my skirt and threw it in the corner of the room. The door opened again and Branwen came in, already unbuttoning her skirt.  She took it off, her pants covered in blood.

“Captain fill you all in?” She asked as she accepted her bow and arrows from Zevran, and smiled at Solas when he gave her a leather vest to put on, also covered in blood.

“That she did,” Varric responded, fixing Bianca on his back. “I don’t like the sound of this.”

Branwen scanned all of us, making sure we were all there. “Alright then,” she began, smiling at us. “Let’s close another rift and get out of here.” Everyone readied their weapons, waiting for the Inquisitor to lead. She stared pointedly at me and I gave her a small wave. She sighed and shook her head before giving me an amused smile. “Care to lead the way?”

I felt myself blush again and I nodded. “Of course,” I told her, regripping my sword. “This way. Stay close.” Why are you being so stupid? Get your act together. You are Captain King, and you’re a force to be reckoned with.

I led them through the door and I heard the group talking quietly to each other. “Blondie, you’re quiet,” Varric said and I turned back to briefly watch their interaction as Zevran tried unlocking the door to the unfinished hall.

Anders shrugged and leaned on his staff, tilting his head. “I was just thinking about what a cat that can’t sleep says,” he said nonchalantly. Hawke put a hand on Anders’ shoulder and patted it.

“It is a question that keeps us all awake at night,” Hawke told him. “Do you have any ideas?”

Anders stared him straight in the eye. “It’s imPAWsible.” Everyone just stared at him, even Zevran who stopped after hearing it. I felt a chuckle rise from me and soon it turned into a laugh that made me cry. I put my hands on my knees, trying to gain my breath back.

“You are the reason no one likes mages,” Solas told him, his face serious. I had a new bout of laughs, can’t believing Solas just said that.

“Nice job. You broke poor Kassy,” Dorian told Anders, amusement on his face. He came and patted my back, and I was finally able to catch my breath. “Or are you breathless for me?”

I wiped the tears from my cheeks and eyes, taking a deep breath. “Always for you,” I responded to Dorian, glancing at the others. “I am so sorry. Must be my lack of sleep.” I saw Branwen push Zevran aside and pick the lock, opening the door. “Time to get moving again.”

The feeling of euphoria from laughing was gone as I walked into the dark storage hall. We heard a scream and I glanced back at Branwen, who raised her bow, nodding to me. I adjusted the sword in my hand and led them past the crates, to the door the scream came from. “Ready?”

I pushed the door open and the bright green from the swirls of pre-rift floating around. Archers were training their arrows on us and Florianne’s voice floated through the night air. “Inquisitor! What a pleasure! I wasn’t certain you’d attend.” She walked slowly, her face smug. “You’re such a challenge to read. I had no idea if you’d taken my bait.”

Branwen stepped in front of me, her hand behind her back. “If you’re looking for another dance partner, I’m a little occupied.” Dorian and Varric chuckled at that and I smiled as well. Go Branwen!

Florianne tilted her head, observing Branwen, fake concern on her face. “Yes, I see that. Such a pity you did not save one final dance for me.” She flitted her wrist and gestured at the archers in front of her. “It was kind of you to walk into my trap so willingly. I was so tired of your meddling.”

Branwen glanced over at me in her peripheral and I shrugged my shoulders. Florianne must have had spies watching the Inquisitor the whole time. The green shafts got brighter, and I looked at Solas to see if he was watching the green as well. “Corypheus insisted that the Empress die tonight, and I would hate to disappoint him.”

Wow. I totally forgot she was working for Corypheus. What a bitch! No wonder I beheaded her! Branwen gripped her bow tighter. “Why kill the Empress? What does Corypheus want to achieve by this?”

“Celene’s death is a stepping stone on the path to a better world,” Florianne began. Interesting. “Corypheus will enter the Black City and claim the Godhood waiting for him.”

“Who would want him as their God?” Hawke asked and Florianne glared at him.

“We will cast down your useless Maker and usher in a united world, guided by the hand of an attentive God.” Her eyes bore into Hawkes and he didn’t blink.

“You’re royalty. Why help him attack your empire?” Branwen asked, gaining Florianne’s attention again.

She laughed and smirked. “You think so small, Inquisitor. Why settle for an empire when Corypheus will remake the entire world?” I glanced quickly at Solas and then back at Florianne. Solas and Corypheus have one thing in common. Remaking the world. “I admit, I will relish the look on Gaspard’s face when he realizes I’ve outplayed him. He always was a sore loser.”

“What exactly do you get from this?” Branwen questioned, her eyes confused as Florianne laughed.

“The world, of course!” Florianne exclaimed. “I’ll deliver the entire south of Thedas, and Corypheus will save me. When he has ascended to Godhood, I will rule all Thedas in his name.” Yeah, right. He’s playing you.

“You don’t have to go through with this. There’s still time to turn back,” Branwen told her gently.

Florianne became smug and I rolled my eyes. “Oh, my dear Inquisitor. You are so naïve. In their darkest dreams, no one imagines I would assassinate Celine myself. All I need is to keep you and your assembly, out of the ballroom long enough to strike.” She gave us fake sympathy. “A pity you’ll miss the rest of the ball, Inquisitor. They’ll be talking of it for years.” Her attention went to her archers. “Kill him and bring me his marked hand.” She turned and started walking away. “It will make a fine gift for the master.”

Arrows were shot and I pushed Branwen out of the way, knowing it was coming, getting it stuck in my arm. “Fuck you, Florianne,” I muttered. I got up as the rift exploded, breaking the end of the arrow and pulling it out, knowing I needed to deal with it later. I yelled as the arrow head left my arm and I stumbled up, wishing for my staff now. Arrows were flying and demons came flying from the rift. We all jumped into action, and magic was flying everywhere.

I ran, swinging my sword next to Bull, who was focused on a despair demon. I spun into the despair demon, making it disappear with Bull. I glanced around for the next target when I saw a greater terror, respawn behind Branwen while she focused on shooting toward an archer. No one was by her and I battled with helping her or contining with bull. I sprinted to her, swinging my sword, the pain in my right arm from the arrow, sending shooting shocks down my arm. I fought through the pain, but I swung too late as I bumped into Branwen, the greater terror attacking me. I lifted my sword again as I tried to get out of my current position on the ground as it respawned right in front of me and stabbed it as it stabbed me, right in the middle of my chest. I inhaled a deep breath, seeing arrows hit the greater terror and flashes of magic.

“Anders!” Branwen yelled, as she kept shooting arrows, glancing down at me. “Stay still, Kassy. We’ll get you healed.”

I felt the blood on my arm running down and I didn’t feel the pain in my chest until I glanced down. As I saw the blue of my dress turn dark, I felt a breath-taking sharpness in my chest and I put a hand over it, my sword falling from my hand. Branwen stood in front of me, keeping any demons away. How did this happen? How did I make such a rookie mistake? It must have hit just right.

“Anders! Hawke! Solas! Dorian! Any mage that can help me heal? Now!” I knew I shouldn’t but I glanced down again, seeing more blood from my chest. I tried to push past the pain struggling to get up. I focused all my will on it, wanting to stand and help with the fighting. I promised Cullen. Get up for Cullen!

I felt a blinding ache in my head and I panicked knowing what was starting to happen. Nightmare. _Yes. It’s me. You were too slow. Too stupid. Trying to be heroic. You aren’t a hero. You are just a prop. A vessel. Going to take me home._ Nightmare hissed.

“No!” I told him. I almost got back on my feet before I fell back onto my knees. I grit my teeth. Come on, Kassy. It’s only a flesh wound.

“I’m coming, Captain!” Anders called. I ignored him, focusing on getting Nightmare away from this.

“Stop moving,” Branwen ordered, still guarding me.

 _I watched your studies. I know how to control the fade and blood magic. I know how to wield the powers that lie within you. I know how to combine them. I know how to beat you._ Nightmare informed me. I felt the blinding pain again and I yelled, hearing Branwen call my name. I couldn’t control what was happening. I couldn’t keep him back. I felt weak. Too much pain. I lost control of my body and suddenly, I wasn’t the one seeing through my eyes anymore. It was too hazy. I was in the back seat of my own body.

Nightmare laughed, a horrible sound coming from my mouth, low and husky. He stood, the injuries not bothering him when he was in control. I took on the pain, while he used my body to do his bidding. I fought to get back, but he pushed me away. A battle of the minds.

“Kassy?” Hawke asked as he approached, Anders right behind him. Nightmare began walking, ignoring Hawke, focused on the rift. What was he planning on doing? Hawke grabbed my good arm, but Nightmare shrugged him off. “You have to let us heal you, Captain. Don’t be a hero.” Hawke stood in front of me, trying to get me to stop.

“You know all about heroics, don’t you Hawke?” My voice wasn’t me. It was as if I smoked five packs a day and ate gravel, the tone lower. “Just like how you saved your family? Right?”

Hawke’s eyes widened in surprise, then he glared. “Nightmare.”

Anders glanced at me as well, and I struggled to get back. “Fight him, Kassy. I know you’re in there! Fight him! You can!”

I am! I’m trying! I felt myself draining as I tried, but I couldn’t let him do whatever he was planning. “What is going on?” Branwen asked as she shot another arrow.

“Nightmare, I’m warning you,” Hawke told him, his staff ready. Nightmare just laughed, touching the blood on my chest and holding out a hand, ice magic shooting from it. Hawke was blown back, surprised by the attack. There was a blue glow and Anders walked in front of me.

“You will feel Justice’s burn!” He shouted. Awesome. Both of us possessed. We won’t ever be able to do anything together ever again. I did not want my body broken by Anders. Come on Kassy! Focus! Anders blasted me with his blue magic and I went flying.

“It’s still Kassy’s body!” Branwen shouted. “Don’t kill her!” She ordered, her attention going to us and back to the demons coming from the rift.

His glowing blue eyes went to Branwen. “I will have my vengeance!” He shouted. Bull head butted into him, surprising Justice, from out of nowhere. They both fell, and the blue started to flicker away from Anders.  Nightmare wrestled with me as he stood, staggering.

“It’s my turn now,” he bellowed. We were running then, the blood still flowing. I couldn’t believe my body was still able to move. He sprinted to the rift, stopping once he was close to the green light of it. I heard shouts behind me, but Nightmare ignored them. He put a hand on his chest, the blood flowing over it as he focused on the fade.

NO! NO! Fuck! I took every ounce of strength I had and lashed at him, managing to gain back my body, the pain unbelievable. I was too late though. The rift grew bigger and the humming louder. I saw the wound on my chest start to heal and wondered what was going on, when I realized a hand on my back. My legs gave out and I fell, arms catching me. “Kassy?” Branwen asked.

“Easy,” Dorian told me, his hand still on me. Dorian. My breathing was labored from the run and I saw the others fighting the demons still coming from the rift. I noticed Hawke lying on the ground, Anders hovering over him. I did that. Nightmare did that. But I let Nightmare in. I couldn’t let that happen again.

I glanced over at her, feeling Nightmare creeping up on me again. I wasn’t strong enough to keep him back forever. I would have to make a choice. Either I was going to have to let him take over here, or in the Fade. I looked into Branwen’s light blue eyes and I knew I couldn’t risk hurting the Inquisition or their allegiance with Orlais. Now that he knew how to take me over and the power I had, I would be hunted by templars if Nightmare possessed me in front of the Empress.

I made a decision then. I had to keep them safe. I’d let Nightmare find a way back to his body and come back. I just couldn’t risk hurting them. Hurting the cause. We’ve done too much. Nightmare was hovering on the very edge, fighting to get back. The war between us was too close for my liking. “Close the rift and finish the mission.” She stared at me in confusion at first. I felt tears in my eyes as I thought of Cullen. I promised him I would come back okay. A promise I’d have to break. I grabbed the coin and gave it to her. “Give it to Cullen for me please?” I heard the break in my voice and she took it from me, still confused.

“I don’t understand?” Branwen told me, her eyes following mine to the rift. “No, Kassy.” Her voice was dangerous and she seemed panicked. “Not again.”

“Close it and finish the mission,” I repeated, taking my arm back from her, the adrenaline from my choice, allowing me to move. “You have too. Nightmare is too dangerous here.”

“Kassy,” Dorian’s voice said with sadness. I turned to him, his grey eyes filled with plea. I felt my tears fall. I gave him a shake of my head, touching his arm.

“I have too,” I told him, gasping as Nightmare pushed hard. I knew that I only had moments left and I glanced at them, wishing I had another answer. “I’m so sorry,” I told them, before I faced the rift. I heard them call my name as I jumped into the rift, blackness the first thing I saw after a flash of blinding green light. Then the feel of falling happened once again.

Maker’s Breath. Fuck.

 


	21. Chapter Twenty One

**I do not own any characters. They all belong to chantry loving Bioware. Shout out to my beta reader Eruya. Loving the song suggestions, reviews, follows, and favorites! You guys are amazing! Hope you enjoy this chapter! Rated M for language and lemons.**

**Chapter 21**

Glancing at the door, I wondered if everything was alright. They had been gone for quite some time now, worrying me. Did it always take this long to close a rift? Maker, I never realized how impatient I was until that woman came into my life. That was a lie. I knew I was impatient, I just was never anxious. That was a new level of impatient for me. I liked tasks to get done in an organized and efficient manner. I rolled my shoulders, trying to get more comfortable in this jacket. What in Andraste’s name was a Nutcracker Prince, and where was he prince of?

A smile crept onto my face and I realized I was always asking these questions to myself. So uncool as she would say to me. The mask on my face was making me warm, and I wished I could rip it off and dismiss myself from the whole event. I had a task to complete, so I would pretend to acknowledge the women around me, while praying to Andraste I see her walk through the door soon.

“You seem distracted, Commander. Perhaps a dance will take your mind off it? Hmm?” A woman asked of me and I gave a small polite smile.

“No, thank you. Not at present,” I informed her. King Alistair came by gaining the notice of my admirers, as Kassy called them. I followed him with my eyes as he had a very large smile on his face. How could he keep going like this? Wasn’t this exhausting him? The fact that he hadn’t refused a dance all night, made me admire him. He was doing his part of the entertaining perfectly. Even the dance he shared with Kassy. There was no denying that it would be the talk of ball for the rest of the evening. I already had to have several conversations about how King Alistair danced those “unique” movements, or how Kassy was “just looking for attention.” I knew they meant the ladder in a negative way, but it was the truth. She was trying to gain attention, and knew that it would probably gain her that sort of attention.

I wished that I could glance over at the empty piano and see her in that blue gown, playing with her easy-going smile. The smile that made me mistrust her at first because of how quick it came to her. Kassy had many smiles and I was slowly learning what they meant. I saw a flash of blue fabric, and my breath caught for a moment, before realizing it was only the coat of an Orlais nobleman. I reached into my coat pocket, my fingers brushing on the orb she gave me.

There was movement from the doorway to the ballroom to my right, and my eyes strayed to that, feeling absolute relief as the Inquisitor came walking through the door. She was covered in blood and her bow was on her back. I broke away from the women around me, my mind wondering what exactly happened at the damn rift. Approaching the Inquisitor, I noticed that all of our companions were with her. Shouldn’t she have come to talk to me so I could ready the troops?

There was no smile on her face as she walked straight over to where Gaspard and Briala stood with Florianne, in front of all the guests. My eyes wandered over the group that followed her in and I felt a panic slowly build when I couldn’t catch the blue of a dress. Where was she? Attention was focused on the Inquisitor as she gave a fierce stance, the blood still splattered on her face and white hair. Where was Kassy?

I made my way through the crowd that gathered, trying to get closer to the Inquisitor. I felt a hand on my arm and Leliana gave me a warning glance, reminding me there was a reason to us coming to this wretched ball in the first place. Maybe Kassy was finishing some other task for the Inquisitor. Maybe she was in the other room yet. Maybe she was in the crowd and I just missed her. Letting my mind quiet for a minute, I focused on the Inquisitor and the interaction happening. As Kassy would say, my Commander mode was coming into play. There wasn’t any time to strike before the Empress gave her speech. What did the Inquisitor have in mind?

“We owe the court one more show, your grace,” Branwen stated loudly, her voice echoing through the ballroom. The room quieted as their focus went to the Inquisitor.

“Inquisitor,” Florianne replied, her posture demure. I wondered what exactly the Inquisitor had in mind. I noticed Hawke conversing quietly with Varric, before Varric held Hawke’s arm, holding him in place. What was going on there? The others seemed off as well. There was something more than just the conversation between the Inquisitor and Florianne happening.

“The eyes of every noble in the empire are upon us, your grace. Remember to smile,” the Inquisitor told Florianne, shooting her a smile of her own. She began walking up the stairs to approach the Duchess. The Duchess seemed nervous about what was happening. It was a good thing Kassy warned us ahead of time, what was happening. Where was she? I scanned the crowd yet again.

“This is your party. I wouldn’t want them to think you had lost control,” the Inquisitor said, as Florianne slowly backed up. Why did it surprise Florianne to see the Inquisitor alive? Hadn’t she heard any of the tales about the Inquisition and the challenges we have faced? It would take more than a rift to stop us.

Florianne continued to back up, her smile sheepish. “Who would not be delighted to speak with you, Inquisitor?”

Branwen gave a smug smile, her hands very animated. “I seem to recall you saying, ‘All I needed was to keep you out of the ballroom long enough to strike’.” The Inquisitors eyes went deadly and she slowly walked around the duchess, a hand clenched in a fist. “When your archers failed to kill me in the garden, I feared you wouldn’t save me this last dance.”  Celene held her posture, but she looked down at the conversation in interest. “It’s so easy to lose your good graces. You even framed your brother for the murder of a council emissary.”

Did Kassy know all that? She did inform the Inquisition that Florianne was the assassin, but did she know everything that the Inquisitor was accusing Florianne of? Gaspard went to stand next to the Inquisitor, his stance becoming stiff. The Duke was angry, that was clear. Based on the clenched fist, so was the Inquisitor, though her voice didn’t show it. “It was an ambitious plan,” the Inquistor continued. “Celene, Gaspard, the entire council of Heralds…all your enemies under one roof.” The Inquisitor gestured to the ballroom, while Florianne shook in nervousness. Damn right she should be nervous.

“This is very entertaining, but you do not imagine that anyone believes your wild stories?” The Duchess asked, backing up the marble of the wall. The Inquisitor glared at Florianne, glancing up at Celene. “What say you Empress?” The Inquisitor inquired.

“That will be a matter for a judge to decide, cousin.” Celene focused on Florianne, her face hard and calculating. Florianne quickly turned to her brother. I hoped her brother wasn’t foolish enough to not believe the Inquisitor.

“Gaspard? You cannot believe this! You know I would never…,” The Duchess begged of the Duke. Gaspard just shook his head and turned to walk up the stairs with Briala, never saying a word. Good man. Keep walking. “Gaspard?” Florianne repeated. Orlesian guards were walking toward the Duchess and the Inquisitor stood with her hands by her sides, face stern, and posture intimidating. The leader the Inquisition needed. Florianne walked backward with her hands up, glancing over at the Inquisitor.

The Inquisitor glared at Florianne, her face cold. “You lost this fight ages ago, your grace. You’re just the last to find out.” The guards grabbed Florianne’s arms bringing her to the Inquisitor. “This time, justice will be swift.” She held out her hand and the Iron Bull came forward, handing her a sword. She stared at the sword before glaring at Florianne, whispering something only those nearby could hear, before stabbing her. That was not part of the plan. She must have had a good reason to execute her so publicly and without judgement. I guess her judgement was the only judgement the Inquisition wanted anyhow, but still.

“Your Imperial Majesty, I think we should speak in private,” the Inquisitor told Celene, heading toward the stairs. Celene bowed her head in agreement, heading for the balcony behind her, Briala and Gaspard following. I watched as the Inquisitor started to come toward Leliana and I.  I glanced around, hoping to catch sight of Kassy, starting to worry. The Inquisitor stopped by us, speaking in a low voice. “I will negotiate with the Empress and the other two. Give me a few minutes. After, I need to speak with you Cullen.” Her face was grave, and I knew what that meant.

“Of course, Inquisitor,” Leliana told her, while I stood in silence, trying to figure out what she would say. Leliana gave me a pointed stare and I cleared my throat, remembering who I was and who I was standing in front of.

“Inquisitor,” I told her with a slight nod, watching her walk onto the balcony. I started to walk away but Leliana grabbed my arm again. “Leliana, let go,” I warned in a low voice.

“Commander. Wait for the Inquisitor,” she told me. “You are the Commander right now. I’m sure we will find out where the Captain is as soon as the meeting between the nobles is finished.”

I gave her a surprised look. “You noticed?” Leliana nodded and her eyes wandered the room. I did the same, begging the Maker to send me a sign of her. I studied the company that went with the Inquisitor, noticing their behavior. The Tevinter, Dorian, had his arms crossed, and was staring around the ballroom with a frown. Hawke was arguing with Varric and Anders, their conversation heated. Zevran stepped in to say something as well, to Hawke, who shrugged him off before brooding and crossing his arms. Solas was staring at me with expectation. What? Why was he doing that? There was always something about that elf that made me feel uncomfortable.

I averted his eyes and focused on the balcony, wanting more than anything, for the conversation between the three nobles to end swiftly. Leliana noticed my mood and she cleared her throat. “Not long I expect,” she told me, probably thinking it would be a comfort to know this. I nodded, knowing she understood if I stayed silent. Josephine joined us, her face confused.

“Seems like the Captain was right,” she began, her hands folding in front of her. “We will have to make sure to congratulate her for the plan going so effortlessly, even with the surprises that arose.” Her eyes went from me to Leliana. Leliana glanced at me and licked her lips before smiling at Josephine.

“I am glad it went so smoothly as well, Josie. The Captain knew her information well. She would be a great agent if she wished to be one. However, it was the Inquisitor that executed the plan. We should be glad that she was able to follow the plan so efficiently.”  She gave Josephine another smile and led her toward the railing, overlooking the ballroom. “How did your sister enjoy the ball?”

I ignored their conversation, grateful that Leliana was kind enough to talk idle chatter to pass the time. I kept my stance, staring at the balcony, almost sighing out loud in relief when the Empress led the three out of the balcony. I stared at the back of her as she approached the railing, her presence creating silence in the hall.

“Lords and ladies of the court, we are pleased to announce that an accord has been reached. Our cousin Gaspard will now hold a place of honor in our cabinet.” She gestured to the Duke and the Inquisitor went to stand next to the two of them. Whispers and murmurs took over the court and I had to hold back rolling my eyes.

Gaspard stepped forward, his mask ridiculous to me. You couldn’t even see his mouth moving. Not that it truly mattered. Where was Kassy? “Friends, we assembled are the leaders of the Empire. We must set the example for all Thedas. We cannot be at war with each other while the Fade itself challenges our borders.”

Celene leaned on the railing, her presence more demanding. “We must stand united, or surely we will fall alone.”

The Inquisitor stepped forward, her voice ringing out through the ballroom. “We will save Thedas from calamity, but only together may we accomplish this.”

Celene nodded, glancing at the Inquisitor and back at the crowd. “We will heal our wounded country. A long road of reconstruction lies before us.” She stopped and looked at Gaspard and the Inquisitor, smiling at her people. “But tonight, we celebrate the arrival of peace. Let the festivities commence!”

The crowd cheered and the Inquisitor spoke quietly to Celene before coming to address me. I stood tall, waiting for her to tell me her news. Please be that Kassy is just waiting outside for us. Or she has a small injury and is getting healed. Maker, let it be anything but what I fear.

“Commander,” she began, nodding toward the corner where it was more private. I glanced back at Leliana and Josephine who were purposefully ignoring the interaction. I followed, feeling the darkness from the Inquisitor in every step. She turned to me slowly, and I felt my heart stop. I kept my face emotionless, not ready to hear her words. “Cullen,” she said softly and I shook my head.

“Last time you said that in that exact tone, you were handing me her necklace,” I said roughly. Her pale eyes went sad and I ran a hand through my hair, glancing anywhere then at her as she held out her hand to me. I took a deep breath, glancing at what she offered and my breath left me. All thoughts left me. I couldn’t process what I saw in her palm. That wasn’t the coin I gave her. It wasn’t. This wasn’t happening. I felt myself grow angry. I took the coin from her, creating a fist. “What happened?”

“Kassy was injured and Nightmare took over. He used blood magic to create a bigger rift, and she jumped through it. She didn’t want him to stay here. To take over again. She gave me this, told me to seal the rift and finish the mission.” Branwen licked her lips, her voice cracking. “I’m so sorry, Cullen. I wish this was different news.”

Then her words sank in. Kassy? Gone? Kassy…Ka…No! That’s…that’s impossible. This had to be a joke. This had to be! She couldn’t be gone…she couldn’t….she couldn’t be….no. She promised. She promised me that she would come back! We stood there, together in that corner, and she promised that she would come back to me. She always kept her promises. She’s going to jump around a corner at any moment. Yes, this was a joke! She loved jokes. This was just a very intricate joke.  “You’re part of the joke? Right?” My voice was more of a plea and I hated that. Hated that this situation happened. She was supposed to be okay. She promised. I searched behind Branwen, waiting for the surprise.

“Cullen,” The Inquisitor informed me and she took a deep breath, shaking her head. She set a hand on my arm. “Why don’t you head back Commander. I’ll probably be following along shortly.”

Typically, I would tell her that I had to escort her back, but right now I needed to find Kassy. I needed someone to tell me exactly what happened. Every detail. I needed this joke to be over. Who would have gone along with her joke? I crept into myself, keeping my face straight, as I pulled off my mask and headed down the stairs, going directly toward the person that would be her partner in crime.

“Hawke,” I stated, my tone more like a growl. Hawke’s eyes met mine, and he gave a nod in understanding, following me to the exit.

“Curly, I don’t think that’s the best-.” Varric began and I felt anger erupt in me. I turned on him, silencing him.

“Join if you wish dwarf,” I told him, needing to know what happened. I turned again, continuing to walk, not caring if he stayed or came. The gardens to the palace were empty and Hawke for once, didn’t have any smart remarks to say. I paced the path around the garden, not sure where to start or if I wanted to hear what happened. Where was Kassy? What happened that made her disappear? What happens now?

Hawke sat in silence on the edge of the fountain, watching as I paced. This feeling was far worse than any I could have imagined. I wanted to yell, punch, do anything but pace a palace garden. “What happened in there Hawke?” I met his eyes, mine turning into more of a glare. “Every detail.”

Hawke rested his arm on his knee, keeping eye contact. He wasn’t afraid of me, but he knew my temper well. “That woman was there, telling us how she was working with Corypheus. After spewing on about how great of a god Corypheus would be, she had the archers shoot at the Inquisitor, wanting her dead. Kassy pushed Branwen out of harm’s way, taking the arrow herself. A rift opened and we were all so busy fighting, we didn’t have time to check her wound. She was fighting though, so I assumed she was fine and it wasn’t very bad.” He glanced down at the stone, his hands fidgeting now. “She went to kill a terror that spawned up behind Branwen. Branwen didn’t know it was there, so Kassy went to fight it before it hurt the Inquisitor at all.” He licked his lips, glancing back up at me. “It stabbed her in the chest at the same time she stabbed it. She couldn’t avoid it. It respawned perfectly to strike. That’s when Anders and I heard the Inquisitor’s call to help heal.” He shook his head. “Nightmare took over her will and used her body. He must have figured out how to use her magic, and with the massive wound she had, he was able to pull blood magic to defeat me and Justice.”

I stopped pacing and crossed my arms. “Wait, Justice came out? I thought you said he had it under control. That there was no way that Justice would be at Skyhold.”

Hawke shrugged and gave me a smirk. “We aren’t at Skyhold, Curly.”

Faster than he anticipated, I grabbed the front of his armor pulling him up. “Do you think this is funny?” The smirk left Hawke’s face and he shook his head.

“Sorry, Curly. Not at all.” I let him go, letting out a frustrated sigh. “As far as I know, she was able to overtake him, but he fought hard, so she couldn’t for long. She jumped through the portal, not wanting any more damage to come to us than Nightmare already made.” He ran a hand over his face, shaking his head. “She won’t last long if Nightmare takes over her body. She is strong, granted, but I was in the Fade with Nightmare. I saw the beast. He wants his body back and he will do whatever it takes to get it. He’s a very powerful demon, Curly.”

I stared at him in disbelief. So, the Inquisitor was right? Kassy was gone. She really is….gone? I ran my hand through my hair and started pacing again. She’s gone. She wasn’t here. I wasn’t going to see her face smiling at me as she came down the stairs, thinking she was funny for making me worry. If she went through the portal into the Fade…well…no one comes back from the Fade. Nobody. Nobody except the Inquisitor and…Kassy! She did it! She got back from the Fade.

“I’ll find her,” I said out loud. Maker’s breath…Kassy had to be alive. I wouldn’t believe anything otherwise. I’d find a way to locate her. I had to. I needed her. I…she was…my everything. I never felt a need stronger than this to succeed in a task. I had to start making plans to find her. She was a light in my quickly darkening world. I was pulled back and able to fight my nightmares.

“Cullen, she isn’t-.” Hawke began and I glared at him, silencing him.

“She was able to get out of the Fade once. She can come back again,” I argued, needing to get back to my tent to start a plan. “That’s even if she is in the Fade.”

“But Nightmare,” Hawke countered. “He’s going to kill her Cullen. That’s how these demons work.”

“She is Captain King and she is strong. She was half dead last time she came from the Fade and she beat him. If someone can beat Nightmare, it’s her. And when she defeats him, she will need help.” Quickly, I headed toward the gates, going to grab my horse and ride back to camp to begin planning. I heard footsteps behind me and I quickly glanced over my shoulder seeing Hawke still following. “I have work to do, Hawke. Go back to Anders and talk about cats.”

“He’ll understand,” Hawke told me and I stopped before going to the Inquisition steads.

“What do you think I’m doing?” I asked him, raising an eyebrow at him. “I’m making plans to find Kassy. Not gathering patrols to start searching for her…yet.”

Hawke pushed past me and strode through the steads finding his. “I know you think you have a primal claim to anything you touch, blood mages and lost templars included, but you aren’t the only one upset about this.” He swung himself into his saddle. “She was a very good friend to me. I had a connection with her that…well…equals Varric. So, get on your damn horse, head back to camp, and start figuring out how to get her back before I start trekking all over Thedas.”

I grabbed my own horse, smoothly getting into the saddle. Once again, I was stuck with working with Hawke to figure out a plan. Not that he followed them in Kirkwall.

Sdlkfjas;jf;askdjfasl;kjfs;dlafjsdal

This was impossible. There was no way to know where she could be without any sort of hints. Why was she so stubborn? Why did she have to be so heroic? How was jumping through a portal going to be any better for her than staying here where people could help her if she was possessed? I didn’t know if what she did was just stupid or heroic.

I slammed my fist on the map and let out a mix of a frustrated yell and sob. My head hung over the map and I took a deep breath. Come on, Cullen. You are the Commander. I opened my eyes and looked up, feeling the pain hit harder than before as I saw her lute and sword in the corner. Slowly, I walked around my desk, knowing that this was a bad idea. That I should set her things in her own room. I couldn’t bear to do it though. I glanced down at my feet and saw her bag. Inside were her drawings of people I have never seen before. Her family. It had to be. I crouched down and opened her bag, pulling out the drawings.

I studied them once again, a daily ritual. Ninety-six days and still no idea where she was. We sent out scouts every day, hoping to survey all of Thedas. It was good thing that the Inquisition was making connections, or this would be an even longer task. Every day she was gone from me, a little hope dies with it. I sat at my desk, holding a drawing in my hand. I was guessing this was her brother, the resemblance uncanny. Did others think the same thought when Mia and I were seen together?

Returning the pictures to her bag, I let out a huge sigh. Zevran’s latest report was sitting on top of a book and I reached for it, knowing what it said already. “Commander, sorry but there is still no trace of her.” It was the same reply every report. As I scanned the report, I wasn’t disappointed. Placing another x on the map, I opened the drawer to my desk, glancing at the map to see where I was going to send him next.

A corner of parchment with some markings caught my attention. I moved the blank parchment aside, feeling confused at what was on this parchment. Did I write something and thought I would finish it later? Pulling out the parchment in question, I felt an ache in my chest, the worst pain I have felt. Worse than my withdrawals. Worse than the nightmares. My heart must have literally been ripped from my chest and shattered because that is what it felt like it.

When did she have time to draw this? I shook my head as I stared at the parchment. It was a drawing of her song she sang to me after our kiss on the stairs. Something about how everyone talks and she could be my addiction. Little did she know that was true. I smiled softly at how she drew her playing the lute, glancing over at me talking to a blurred vision. The only two people that weren’t blurry was us. It felt that way that night.

The ache in my chest heightened and I hated that everyday still hurt this much. I hated that every day I was losing a little hope. The hardest part of losing someone, isn't saying goodbye. It's trying to figure out how to keep the heartache away. How to keep my mind occupied so that I didn’t  think about where she was or how things used to be. Reminding myself that she doesn't sleep in her room anymore. How I won't hear her voice and the sound of her lute when she sang late at night when she thought no one could hear. The hardest part now was seeing her still, but in ghost form.

Even if she wasn’t with me anymore, I was always replaying old memories. The night when I saw her clothing fall from my room. The way she would sit in my office, drawing while I worked on reports. In the training yard, I saw her swinging away at a practice dummy, trying to murder the wood. I was always going to be in love with her. And every day, each time I see her, I wonder, is it really you? Then the apparition disappeared and I realized I was only dreaming.  Maker’s breath, Kassy. Come back to me.

I set the drawing on the desk and leaned into my hand. The door to the office opened and closed just as fast. I sighed, knowing who it was. “Cassandra,” I acknowledged, feeling a sting when I said it. This was getting ridiculous.

“Cullen,” she replied. I pushed myself away from the desk, glancing up at her. Her stance was the same as usual. Hostile and as if I was wasting her time. She meant well. “You look horrible.”

I let the insult roll off me, standing up. “Did you find anything more about Samson?”

“The Captain was right with what she reported to you,” she informed me. There was that pang again. “Cullen, I am surprised you didn’t go with the Inquisitor yourself on this mission.”

I shrugged my shoulders and crossed my arms across my chest. “Did you get a piece of the armor?” I questioned, purposely avoiding her question.

Cassandra rolled her eyes at me, crossing her arms as well. “I gave it to Dagna, per the Inquisitor’s request.” I nodded in approval, glancing back at my map. “Not that I’m not impressed with your manhunt, I’m sure your years in Kirkwall really helped, but I think it’s time to admit defeat.”

I glared at her. “No,” I stated. “Never.” I felt anger flare in me and I kept it in my chest, refusing to let it rage. It was too easy to let it go lately. I pictured Kassy singing those words as she battled Dorian with her ice magic. All her songs. They were all still here with me.

She sighed and nodded, leaning on her right leg. “I thought you would say that.” Cassandra studied me, her eyes mainly on my face. I knew I hadn’t shaved in a week, and I was getting less sleep than usual. “The Inquisitor sent me to have you come to the War Room for a meeting. King Alistair has graced us with his presence.”

I raised an eyebrow. “King Alistair is here?” I asked. “Why didn’t I receive a report?”

Cassandra gave a smug smile. “There was one, Commander.” How did I not remember that the king of Fereldan was coming to Skyhold? “Let’s get to the meeting,” she told me, shaking her head. I put the drawing back in the drawer and closed it. Taking a deep breath, I gathered myself, following Cassandra across the ramparts and to the war room. As we walked, there were looks of pity directed to me. I felt annoyed with this, and pretended I didn’t notice them.

The relief of Josephine’s office hit me and I relished in the emptiness of this room. Cassandra glanced back at me and I followed her. Opening the door to the hall the connected to the War Room, Cassandra paused. “The last thing you need is pity, I know. However, that’s all you will be getting in that War Room. Did you want a moment before we went in?”

I rolled my eyes, walking past her. “I appreciate the offer, Seeker, but it’s alright.” I opened the door and made my way through it. The room was full of the Inner Circle and in the corner, King Alistair. Walking in, I headed straight to the war table, where the Inquisitor stood, glancing at the map.

“Cullen,” Branwen greeted me. “Thank you for coming. King Alistair is here to discuss patrols in Fereldan.” She straightened and glanced at me, focusing all her attention. “Anything new to report on Kassy?”

Ninety-six days. Over three months of not seeing her. Almost thirteen weeks of her loss. “No,” I told her. “No good news.”

She exchanged glances with Leliana and closed her eyes, before opening them slowly. “I have something that needs to be announced. To everyone,” she informed us and gestured for us to join the others. Curious, I went and leaned against the wall by Dorian. His eyes briefly glanced at me before focusing on Branwen. “All of you must be wondering why I called you here today.” She took a deep breath, looking at each one of us individually. “Well, it isn’t just for King Alistair. I have come to a decision after a lot of thought. I’m calling off the search for Captain King.”

Call off the search? Call off the fucking search? I felt the built-up anger in my chest, erupt and there was no way to hold it back. “What?” I snapped. I crossed my arms and glared at her, using my height as an advantage to intimidate. “Inquisitor, you think that-.”

Branwen’s look of pity made me even more frustrated as she took a step toward me. “Commander,” she began, interrupting me. I shrugged my shoulders, ready to argue. “I know you two were together. It’s been three months though. Cullen, we have searched almost all of Thedas, without even a hint of her whereabouts. It was her choice to go through the rift. I know it’s difficult, but we have done everything the Inquisition possibly could. She left us, and if she wanted us to find her, she would have sent us a message.”

Hawke stepped forward, his brow furrowed, anger evident. “So, we are just giving up?”

“It was her choice. We have done everything we could,” the Inquisitor told us, frowning and taking a deep breath. “This was a very hard decision. Kassy was a good friend to me and great advisor. I didn’t make this decision lightly. I have used all my resources. The Inquisition has other areas to focus on. If we get word of her where about at all, then we will readdress the situation.” She swallowed hard and looked up at me, with soft eyes. “I fear that our friend truly left us. More than likely physically. It’s time we say goodbye.”

“Dead?” Dorian asked in complete disgust. “You think she’s dead?” I felt my heart stop beating in my chest at those words. I was too afraid to admit it, but after all these days, the possibility was becoming more and more real.

“Blood. So much blood. The darkness that filled her eyes as Nightmare took over. The green. Was it the Fade or the rift’s reflection? How could she even make it? If Nightmare took over, she is dead. Her body is his until he finds a new vessel. When he does, hers will be too broken to survive,” an eerie voice said softly.

Everyone turned to look at Cole, his face shadowed from his oversized hat. Why did he like that hat so much? His words haunted me and I studied the faces, seeing which thoughts he was thinking. Hawke was first to speak, the rest of us still processing his words. “Anders,” he whispered. “Is that what you or Justice thinks?”

“Both,” Cole replied, glancing at Anders. Her eyes were green? No. They were blue, sometimes grey, but never green. Did they change there? What happened?

“I know how it is when you have a spirit in you,” Anders explained, his eyes on Hawke. “If she is in the Fade, there is only so much we can do. I doubt she is still alive if she made it to the Fade. As far as this world, she might not want to be found. I didn’t. Didn’t someone say she fell from another world to Thedas from a rift? What if she fell to another one?”

The possibility of her not wanting to be found or in another world, never phased me. Why wouldn’t she want to be found? How could I find her if she fell back to her world? Wherever that was. Why would she be dead in the Fade? No. Kassy was a warrior. Captain King would go down with a fight to the very end, giving Nightmare hell every step along the way. I reached up to grab her necklace that hung around my neck. Her luck was here. She left it. She needed it. Kassy, come back.

“I’ve sent anyone I could scouting. All the reports are the same,” Leliana informed the group. “I fear the same as the rest, though I do not like admitting it.”

“Surely, you all do not think she is dead?” Josephine asked. “Is that what you are declaring, Inquisitor?”

Branwen closed her eyes, a hand going to cover them for a moment before wiping her face. “Yes, Josephine. I believe that our friend is no longer with us.”

The last dwindle of hope I had for Kassy’s return, vanished as the arguments hit me. How could she be alive, even if she was here? We searched almost all of Thedas and nothing. How? She wouldn’t hide this long from us. She would try to send word to me that she was alright. Wouldn’t she? Of course, she would.

“I’ll miss having her around to plan pranks with,” Sera stated and for the first time, I noticed genuine emotion. She seemed to get tears in her eyes. “Mostly her songs, yeah?”

I had to leave. Now, before they all started giving their fondest memories. “Excuse me,” I told the Inquisitor. I didn’t wait for my leave, hurrying out the doors and heading straight to my office. Many jumped out of my way, knowing that I wasn’t one to be toyed with lately.

I slammed the door to my office shut, running my hands through my hair before falling to my knees with quivering lips. Gone. I refused to believe it, but their words made sense. I felt the tears and felt unembarrassed by them. Glancing at her lute, I slowly stood up and strummed the strings lightly, my chest tightening.

I heard her voice in my head. That voice that seemed to hypnotize me every time she sang. None of her songs the same, except for a few that she sang for comfort. I loved listening to her voice late at night when she thought the world was asleep and it was just her and the mountains. She loved those mountains.

Heading to my desk, I grabbed the drawing she drew from the drawer, placing it on my desk. Leaning on my hands, I admired it, wishing that I had memorized her face more. Told her how perfect she was more. How much I loved her more. I wished that I had known that the last time I held her, was the last time. The last kiss. The last goodbye. “I’ll see you soon, Lion.” Those were her last words to me. How false they were. I never saw her again.

I fell into my chair again, knowing I would be going down to the tavern and drinking tonight. My night of grieving, then I would have to be a Commander again. My one night off. What would she do if she were here? What would she say? I knew instantly what she would do. Putting my head in my hands, I leaned on my knees taking a deep breath, feeling the anger and sadness building up.

“ _Hold me close and hold me fast. This magic spell you cast. This is la vie en rose. When you kissed me heaven sighed. And though you said goodbye, I feel la vie en rose. I still keep you in my heart, you’re in a world apart. A world where roses bloom. And when you spoke, angels sang from above. Everyday words, seemed to turn into love songs. You gave your heart and soul to me, now my life will always be... la vie en rose.”_ I felt a little ridiculous as I sang, and I was surprised I knew the words and how easily I changed them. She was right, singing was an emotional thing, especially when it was about something that was close to you. I felt the sobs then and I tried to stop them, but they came. “Kassy,” I whispered.

“I’m truly sorry for your loss,” a voice said and I glanced over, annoyed to be intruded on. King Alistair stood at the door to my office and I quickly stood, wiping off my face.

“King Alistair,” I told him, wondering what he needed. I glanced down at my map, not wanting to focus on the Inquisition, but knew that the world wouldn’t rest because it lost one person, no matter how important she is…was…to me.  “How can I help you?”

King Alistair glanced down at his boots before resting on me, his eyes full of pity. Great. Even from the King of Fereldan, I am getting pity. “Alistair,” he told me. “Come on. We’re getting you drunk.”

I stared at him in disbelief, crossing my arms. “You want to get me drunk?”

King Alistair….Alistair....nodded, no joking on his face. “Commander…er….can I call you Cullen?” I nodded and he gave a brief smile. “Cullen. I have been through what you are going through. I lost my life during the Blight. Rowan was the most amazing woman I have ever met. Maker’s breath she was beautiful.” He ran a hand in his hair and put them on his waist. “I’ll admit, it doesn’t get easier. Losing the love of your life…well, that is a pain that will never go away. However, there are some nights. Nights when you see another in need who is going through what I have, when you take them out and get drunk.”

He had tears in his eyes now and I knew he truly understood. Glancing up at me, his eyes were those of a broken man. A man that has had to pick up the pieces of his life, but there was still that one piece missing that made it complete. The piece that somehow made everything make sense. “Kassy. She um, she sang to me the night before the ball.” Alistair looked over at the lute. “She understood my pain. How it felt during that time of the Blight. She knew about Rowan.”

That sounded like her. Her need to help people through music. Let them know they weren’t alone. She was good at that. She shined when she sang. I felt the tears again and swallowed hard, rubbing the back of my neck. “The way you two stared at one another during that meeting and then the ball. I had that once too. So, Cullen. Come have a drink with me.”

I cleared my throat, nodding to him, not trusting what would happen if I opened my mouth. Alistair led the way out of my office, looking back at me. I followed him, hoping that he was right and the drinking would help.

The tavern was rather full when we got there, and I never understood why it has always been so full the past few months. She wasn’t here to gather them in with her music. Why did they come? There was booming laughter from the corner and I saw Iron Bull with Dorian. They were talking animatedly, and I wasn’t surprised at the fact that Varric, Hawke, and Anders were with them. Wait, was that Black Wall? And Sera? I almost didn’t recognize Cole, but he was there as well. Cassandra was making her way with a couple drinks. Cassandra? In the tavern?

Alistair led them to that table, glancing over at me. When he said we, he meant every one? I followed without a word, hoping to just have a drink, and get going. This can only be painful. The table went quiet when they saw me coming with Alistair, their faces evaluating me. “I’ll get us more ale,” Varric said, getting up and heading to the bar. Hawke grabbed another table nearby and pushed to the tables already together. Everyone rearranged themselves so that Alistair and I were able to join easier. I sat next to Hawke, unsurprised that it was the only space open.

Varric returned with the ale for us, and I gave him a thanks. Hawke cleared his throat, hoisting up his cup. The other’s followed suit, and I did the same, not sure where he was taking this speech. He was always one for the dramatics. There were tears in Hawke’s eyes, which surprised me. “Tonight, we celebrate the life of a dear friend and her time with us. In a little over half a year, she has been able to touch all of us in many ways. Wherever she is, may she be thinking of us. Let us drink, laugh, and share stories as she did with us while she was here. To Captain King.”

“Captain King!” Everyone repeated and there were echoes of Captain King throughout the tavern. I turned and saw many gesturing their cups to our table. Bull was the first to speak.

“I remember the first time I helped her train. She was quick to catch on and she impressed me. Even if she rejected me because she was into ex-templar Commander types.” There was laughter around the table and I smiled, never knowing that she turned down Iron Bull.

“She turned you down?” I asked, wondering when this was.

Dorian grinned, sharing a glance with Bull. “Don’t fret, Commander. It was her first week at Skyhold and she only had eyes for you.” His smile twitched a little and he got more comfortable in his seat. “I still wonder how she knew everything.”

“They wouldn’t understand. How can you explain to them that they are all fictional characters where I am from? Basically, characters from a book or movie? They don’t even know what movies are. How can you explain when they wouldn’t even understand? He didn’t even believe the truth about Puff. Maybe one day I’ll tell them about how I know Thedas. When I am sure they can trust the truth in my words,” Cole quoted and all our smiles disappeared.

There was a moment of silence and Alistair cleared his throat. “I’m going to get some food, see if they have any cheese.”  He left the awkwardness that was us and I drank my ale.

“She thought we didn’t trust her?” Hawke asked. He glanced around the table at everyone.

“I thought you all trusted her? More than you ever trusted other people, yeah?” Sera asked. Her eyes flickered to everyone around the table.

“I did. She had knowledge, no one else knew, but she helped you see the good that could come from it. The greatness in you,” Blackwall told everyone softly. My eyes went to him and I was surprised that they had much interaction. So much I didn’t know about Kassy and her relationships with the others at Skyhold.

Cassandra laughed. “I had my doubts, but she understood things in ways I could not. Even when she prayed to the Maker, her words were truth.”

Dorian’s eyes went to me. “There was a time once, the night after she got here, that Iron Bull and I decided to get her drunk. She was having a hard time, coming to a different world and everything. Then she surprised us with her charm and uniqueness. She was genuine and even if some thought certain choices of hers were wrong, she had reasons for them.”

Varric drank deeply then, set his cup loudly on the table. “I have a story for you, Sparkler. So, it was a rainy day. Hawke and I…,” Varric told us all the story and soon, everyone was laughing again. Even Alistair, who found a tray of bread, meat, and cheese. Kassy was right, the man loved his cheese. “She was barefoot, begging for my book!” Varric laughed and everyone else chuckled as well.

Hawke grinned at the memory, his eyes light with laughter. “I have one that can beat that,” he told Varric. “So Kassy thought it would be a brilliant idea to….” The stories came from everyone, effortlessly. How did she have time to bond with all these people? “Then she ran away as fast as she could, telling me “abort mission!”,” Dorian said, pulling me from myself.

“When she first arrived, I thought what everyone else thought. This woman was a spy,” I began my story, and the others grew quiet. “She had two bags on her and I gave one to Dagna to look at…,” I felt the words come from me, effortlessly. It was always effortless to think or speak about her. The others were entranced with my story, laughing and smiling at the conversation I had with her when she first arrived and her determination at using a piece of wood to cut her rope. “I should have listened, because all of the dust was everywhere. Me included.”

There was laughter and Sera threw me a bag from across the table. “She gave me that stuff, she did.” She told me, laughing. “Made a lot of people sparkle with that.”

Hawke grabbed it and opened it, reaching a hand in and pulling out a handful of the pixie dust. “Magic, Curly.” He blew it and it went on anyone around him, including me. I would be sparkling for days.

Stories soon warped into stories from our own lives and Alistair was telling a story about Zevran convincing him he needed a tattoo. I couldn’t imagine our king with a tattoo. He told the story so expressively and animated. I found myself telling another story.  A story spread throughout the templars. “Profound silence fell over the hall as seventy mages and thirty templars all stared at once, at this recruit in nothing but his knickers.”

The table howled with laughter and I turned to glance at Alistair. “I’m sure you heard that story plenty of times. Unless, you were there to witness it.”

Alistair shifted in his seat and tilted his head. “I…definitely witnessed it.” I furrowed my brow, observing him. Alistair was blushing.

“Oh…oh Maker. That was you,” I said, not being able to help the smirk on my face. Who knew King Alistair, companion of the Hero of Fereldan, was the subject of that story.

Alistair hid his face behind his cup as he drank. “And here I thought that story died out after Duncan recruited me.”

More laughter erupted from the table as we observed Alistair give a small grin and continue to drink more. He was right. This was helping. This is what she would have told me to do if she was here. Maker’s Breath, Kassy, I wish to Andraste you were here. I felt myself getting oddly tired. Maybe tonight I would be able to pass out in a drunken sleep.

I finished my eighth drink, not believing they got me to drink so much. Those last two drinks were not ale, and my throat still burned from it. Hoisting myself up, I felt the room spin. “I should get back to my office.” Everyone muttered a goodbye and I went to take a step forward, almost tripping over the chair.

“Come on, Curly,” Hawke told me. He put an arm around my waist to steady me. “Since our King is too drunk to help, I’ll help you back to your bed.”

“I am not that drunk,” Alistair protested. “I take offense to that!” He went to stand, but fell back in his seat.

“Bull?” Hawke asked and Bull nodded to him. “On it,” he replied. Hawke helped me out of the tavern and toward the stairs to the rampart. It was quiet. This was the time of night I would hear Kassy singing. I glanced over at Hawke and then back at where I was walking.

“Do you think…she’s dead?” I asked hesitantly. I was fighting the battle in my head. Knowing that it was probably the most truthful, but my hope wouldn’t let go.

Hawke stared at me, observing me, his eyes thoughtful. “No, Curly. I think she’s in trouble.”

We got to the stairs, and those were damn hard to master in my state. “Fade trouble or Nightmare trouble?”

“Both,” he answered. “Blood magic and demons are a very bad mix. Especially in the Fade. You didn’t see Nightmare, but he will want something even bigger than his previous vessel.” He readjusted his arm on me. “He’ll most likely find it in the Fade.”

There was silence as we both thought on this. If she was alive, I needed to find her, but if she was dead, then it would be pointless. Hawke was right though. She was most likely stuck in the Fade. Tomorrow I would have to talk to the person that knew about it, Solas. Morrigan told us that we could go through the mirror, but I’ve been hesitant to do so, not sure where it would lead or what might happen. For Kassy, I’d be willing to go through it.

Hawke opened the door to my office, setting me in my chair. “There you go, Curly.” He told me, hands on hips. He glanced around, seeing the x filled map and picking up the drawing that I left out. His eyes went to me and back to the picture. “I remember this day,” he told me.

I looked at him with surprise. “Were you there?” I asked, not remembering anything but her and her words.

“That was the day she thought you were embarrassed by her. We told her to move on, but she held on.” He glanced back at me again. “Don’t know why.”

I rolled my eyes, seeing that he was still always going to be Hawke. “She wanted us to be friends you know.”

Hawke laughed and raised his eyebrows. “Think it could honestly happen?”

I considered it for a moment, giving a short nod. “Maybe not friends, but partners in a common cause. To find her.” There was a knock at the door and it opened, Solas walking in. Solas. In my office? This was a first. “Solas?” I asked him.

“I thought I should tell you first,” he informed me, his voice as calm and stable as always. How old was this elf? He talked like he’s seen ages of life. “Kassy has sent word to me through the Fade. Commander, she alive.”

My world stopped at those words, and I stared at him in disbelief. Maker’s Breath, Kassy, I’m coming.


	22. Chapter 22

**I do not own any characters. They all belong to heart wrenching Bioware. (Maybe that’s how this story got to this point?) Love to my beta reader Eruya. Loving the song suggestions (Madam Viper your suggestions have been incredibly helpful!), reviews, follows, and favorites! You guys are amazing! Hope you enjoy this chapter! Rated M for language and lemons.**

Chapter 22

The breath from my lungs left me and I was falling. Just like the first time. Wait. This wasn’t right. I’m falling? Shit! I’m falling! I opened my eyes before squeezing them closed. Bad choice! I couldn’t even scream as I fell, as there was no air in my body. There was a sickening thud as my body found the ground. I groaned, my body not able to feel a thing. That really hurt. That really fucking hurt. Damn! That was worse than the first time. It didn’t help that I fell on my bad arm. I laid there, not able to figure out how to function. God, it’s hot.

 _Move._ Nightmare hissed. _Or we’ll be caught. Stupid girl!_

I slowly opened my eyes, my eyelids flickering as they tried to sustain the pain. I was breathing with difficulty and I saw lots of greenery. A jungle? Glancing up I saw the rift, huge and dooming. Fifteen feet in the air. You fell fifteen feet onto…I could only assume based on the environment around me, a jungle. Darkspawn were beginning to come from the rift and I panicked. There was no way I could fight them like this. I tried to gather all my energy, but it was difficult. I was eventually able to get to my feet and I felt nausea kick in from the pain. Mentally pushing the nausea away, I took in my surroundings, wondering which way to go. Was I still in Thedas? It felt more like the rainforest.

I began struggling over the roots of the trees, trying to get to a cave or any cover that will help hide me until I was somewhat recovered. The heat and humidity was making me sweat, the moisture dripping down my back. I felt the panic in me and my breathing quicken. Fuck! Fuck! Go! Go! I scrambled in this terrain, hoping there weren’t any harmful creatures. Not that I didn’t create a huge fucking rift in the sky! Fuck you Nightmare for causing this.

I heard voices yelling to each other and I had this adrenaline, probably fear, that kicked me into panic mode. I found some bushes behind large boulders and I dove into them, staying as still as I possibly could. I tried to make my breathing shallow, but staying frozen in my position, just highlighted where I ached. I was pretty sure I broke a rib. God, I was terrified. Who knew what was in this part of…wherever I was. Where was I?

There was the sound of boots and then it passed quickly. Thank God, they didn’t notice me. I stayed where I was in case there were more, and I couldn’t help the unearthly feeling in me. Only a half hour ago, I was at a ball. And now, I was hiding in the bushes because there was no way I could fight. My only weapon was Nightmare and he wasn’t begging to get out now. Stupid bastard. He was dying to get out not so long ago.

Or was it because we weren’t in the Fade, he had no use for my body? I wish I knew how to get rid of the bastard. That was the first thing I was going to do after I got out of this bush. Find out where I was and discover how to beat-. My thought was cutoff as a hand grabbed my ankle and pulled me from the bushes. I was too terrified to scream. It was one of those moments when you see something bad happen to someone else, and all you could do is let out a silent horrified yell that the other person couldn’t hear. That was this, but ten times worse.

I was staring at the canopy of trees, as I was being dragged and my breathing increased, hurting my ribs. I gathered any energy I could and focused on my magic, the only defense I could think to use, hoping it worked without a staff. I held out a hand and an icy blast came from my hand, into the unsuspecting face of a Qunari. I assumed it was a Qunari. He was large, horned, and not Iron Bull.

Struggling to my feet, my body screamed at me, letting me know it is now going well past the point of its use. What…what was happening here? What would happen if they caught me? I stumbled as I began to run, falling. I glanced over at the Qunari I hit with the spell and he was within a few feet of me. I didn’t want to die. Shit. I wasn’t going to be able to outrun him. Nightmare was there now, inching his way into my mind. I debated letting him in, weighing the pros and cons. Kassy, there isn’t time for pros and cons. Fuck it. It was Nightmare or probably die.

I let Nightmare into my mind, feeling him take control. There was an intense pain as he took over and I curled into my ball in my mind, gaining myself for a moment. We were screwed. We could only out run Qunari for so long. Especially because they hate magic, especially this kind. Why didn’t I listen to Sarah when she tried telling me about the Qunari in Dragon Age II? Something about Arishock or Aroshot. One of the two.

Nightmare took my body, and got us standing again, before running through the trees. If Qunari were here, then we were still in Thedas. What part of Thedas? Where was there a jungle in fucking Thedas? This is why you read all the codex’s and not just the ones you felt were important. I was supposed to be in the Fade, not here! Suddenly, Nightmare froze and quickly turned. He picked up a stick, stabbing it into my skin and pressing down. I cried out a little from the pain, but he kept going, determined. No blood magic! No! I told him, protesting what he was doing. He ignored me, doing as he pleased. I felt an enormous build up of power in me and I realized he was using the blood magic to intensify my regular powers. Ice flew from my hands, more than I have ever created before and at an alarming speed.

The Qunari was hit and I felt relief as he fell. There was yelling of a language I assumed was what the Qunari spoke and Nightmare left me to have me go back to control. The intense pain radiating through my body, made me realize that if I didn’t escape or hide soon, I would have lost. Pushing my protesting muscles, I went as fast as I could, hoping I was leaving them behind. Run, Kassy. Go! Their voices were getting more and more faded and I had to stop to rest or else I would fall from exhaustion. I walked slowly, feeling it wasn’t the best choice to stop completely. Where the fuck was I? What was around here? I wish that I knew how to beat Nightmare. I wish I was with Cullen. He didn’t deserve a blood mage that had a demon that she couldn’t control. He’s been through so much already. If and when I beat Nightmare, I’ll go back to Skyhold. First, find a city and blend in.

Glancing down at my outfit, I realized there was no way I could really be able to blend in. I was covered in dry blood and some fresh blood. My pants were torn and so was what was left of the bodice of my dress. How did things get so out of hand? I knew what would come and still, I was bested. The anxiety in me started to crawl to a full fledge attack as I realized my situation. I was in the middle of God knows where, running from Qunari. I had no one I knew here to help, and the best case scenario is that I was able to hide for a while before my wounds got infection from lack of care. Then I would die from that infection…alone. No. No. Stop that. You are Captain King. The best thing would be escaping to a town and finding a healer. You will make it. You have to. For Cullen. To be back with him. I saw his smile and heard his voice in my head. Then I heard my father’s voice. _You are Captain King and you are a force to be reckoned with._

Alright, Captain King. Let’s find a place to rest and make some plans. I have a Commander to get back to. I felt a burst of renewed energy and I picked up my pace, searching for a cave. Were there caves in the jungle? The wolves lived in the cave in jungle book, so there had to be one. Right? One foot in front of the other and don’t think about the Qunari tracking me. Iron Bull told me how good the Qun were at their job. They will end up finding me if I didn’t get to a city…unless that city is full of Qunari. Where was I?

The sweat was beading on my forehead and I felt the humidity cling to my skin. I ran a hand through my hair, feeling it wet from the sweat and dampness. I glanced around, feeling frustrated at not knowing which way to go. This was like the fucking Hunger Games. I couldn’t climb these trees because of their tropical nature. Keep going until you find cave like area. Then I’ll make a new plan. This was oddly very Tomb Raider right now. Too bad I was horrible with that game. Alright. Stop and focus. Cave.

The rustling of undergrowth had me sprinting, direction unknown. I heard my heartbeat in my head as I ran, my breathing ragged. The muscles in my legs were starting to lock up and I kept pushing them more. I glanced behind my shoulder, wondering how far behind they were. As my eyes went back to the path, I crashed into a tree, falling onto my back.

_You are worthless. You are weak. You are the only reason why we will die. How can you be so fucking cowardly? Nightmare yelled at me. No one will miss you when you are gone. They are probably glad you are gone, based on how much you fail._

I was trying to get my breath back as I stared at the green of the leaves up above me. Fuck. FUCK!! Get your worthless ass up! Get up right now! Come on, Kassy! Please! For Cullen? For Skyhold? For the Inquisition? Please, get up! I felt tears in my eyes at the realization that my muscles weren’t going to listen to my brain. There was a shadow above me and I felt a scream stuck in my throat as I saw a flash of a weapon.

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Blinking my eyes slowly, I tried to gather where I was and why I hurt. The humidity and heat washed over me, reminding me of a hot Indian summer day. Taking a deep breath, my vision started to clear and I groaned in pain. I went to put a hand to my head and I heard rattling. I glanced down at my wrist and saw the chains, making me panic. Don’t freak out. Think. Think!

I took in the room, trying to figure out where exactly I could be. A dungeon. That was where I was. Chained to a wall in a room by myself. I glanced down and felt complete embarrassment. I must have peed my pants in my sleep. Gross and embarrassing. Not that I could have avoided it or that they cared. Where was I? Why didn’t the Qunari kill me? What was going to happen now?

I sat on the floor, feeling completely gross and terrified. There was no one going to come save me. No way to let anyone know where I was. I was screwed. Stay calm and focus. Okay. So, let’s remember what we know about Qunari based on Sarah and the information I learned while playing Origins and Inquisition. So, they took their jobs seriously. They don’t have real names. Sten did kill that family. Some have horns…others don’t. They hated those that used magic. For some reason some of them were in Kirkwall. They hated people who had magic. Iron Bull worked for them. They are a whole unit or something like that. Oh yeah, they hated people with magic! What exactly did they do to their mages? And why?

The fear in me made tears in my eyes as I sat in the dirt. This became very real and very dooming. I had no way of escape and had used magic against them. I had no idea what they would do to me. Alright Captain King. Let’s not get too dramatic. Maybe things will work out. An intense pressure behind my eyes made me cry out in pain.

 _If you don’t stop the crying, I will give you something to cry about._ Nightmare warned me. _I thought you were a force to be reckoned with? Or was that a lie? Failing is something you are best at._

I sat there, gathering my thoughts and praying that everything would be okay. I glanced at my body, taking in the damage. There were several cuts and bruises on me, and I couldn’t recall if they were there when I was running from the Qunari or not. I felt a huge ache on the back of my head and I put a hand to it, feeling a slight bump. Awesome. The cut on my arm was starting to get inflamed from not being able to clean it. I wish I knew healing magic to clear the infection.

I sat there, leaning against the wall of the dungeon, glancing up at the stone ceiling. It would be the worst, to die from infection, then whatever the Qunari had in store. This was scary. I didn’t go to med school, but I knew that infections could spread quickly and once they hit your blood stream, you are fucked. Would they take pity and at least heal that?

I closed my eyes, taking a few deep breaths to keep the panic at a minimum. My anxiety always made me find ways to see the worse things possible, even if they might be a real threat. I couldn’t do anything about it though. I was here, in a dungeon, chained to a wall.

The complete silence in this cell was unnerving. I couldn’t even hear the other prisoners at all…if there were any. Only my breathing and the clinking of the chains when I moved. Sweat was coating me now and I don’t think I ever felt quite so disgusting. The stinging in my arm was becoming overwhelming and I felt myself drifting into an unconsciousness.

I jerked awake, as I felt myself falling in the air, only to find myself still in the same cell. How long was I asleep? And why hasn’t anyone come to get me? Was this their plan? Letting me starve and die in my own filth. That is if I didn’t from the infection first. I could tell it was setting in, the infection. The redness and puss coming from the wound was getting worse and I was pretty sure I was getting a fever. How many times have I fallen asleep? It seemed like I just closed my eyes. Or was I dreaming that I’ve woken up before falling asleep again. It was getting harder and harder to keep my eyes open.

I felt an unnatural chill as I leaned my head against the wall, glancing over at the wall to my left. Was the wall moving? Or was it my mind trying to create entertainment. My lips were chapped and I licked them to help wet them a little. God, if you are listening, please help. I felt a swelling in my chest from mixed emotions and I felt an intense need to sing. _“Arise, my soul, arise. Shake off your guilty fears. The bleeding sacrifice. On my behalf appears?”_ My voice right now was definitely not at its finest, and wasn’t worthy for this song, but I had to keep singing. Needed too. With every word, I felt a bit of comfort, a bit of hope. With every verse I remembered who I needed to keep fighting for. _“They pour effectual prayers  
They strongly plead for me ’Forgive him, O forgive,’ they cry  ‘Forgive him, O forgive,’ they cry ‘Don’t let that ransomed sinner die!’” _

There was the sound of a key in the lock and I went quiet as the door opened. A large male Qunari came in, his horns not as big as Iron Bull but still, they were scary. God damn. I felt my heart beat in terror as he came nearer into the cell, his eyes never catching mine. Maybe he’s afraid of my witchcraft. He put a collar on my neck and grabbed the chains from my wrists and pulled hard, raising me to my feet without even making me try to use my muscles.

I felt every fiber in me, yelling a string of swear words as I walked. The Qunari didn’t say a word as he led me through the maze of identical halls. Well…I wish that this wasn’t so confusing in case I wanted to escape. The Qunari kept a brisk pace as we walked and I felt the dizziness getting the best of me. Oh, fuck this.

We were standing still now, yet the world seemed to keep moving and I had the odd feeling of being seasick. I focused on the room, trying to put pieces together. There was a throne and on it, a hornless Qunari. Wait…no way. No fucking way. Sten? Was that Sten up there? Did he become the head honcho after Origins? The man was talking to Sten and I couldn’t understand his language, only Arishok. So Sten was super important. Great. I didn’t have any sweets to charm him over.

“Sten?” I asked in the middle of their conversation. Sten glanced up at me, his eyes dark. Remember, this man killed a family. “You fought with Rowan.”

Sten’s glance became a glare and I felt fear in my chest. “My name is Arishok. I have no knowledge of you.”

I shook my head. “You wouldn’t,” I told him, my voice weak. Use your charm Captain King. Win him over. “Yet, I know that you really like cake and were a huge asset during the fifth Blight.”

“The cake is a lie,” he told me, his face showing no emotions. Awesome. New tactic. “What magic do you possess to know this information?”

I shook my head, licking my chapped lips. “It’s just knowledge. No magic.” I kept quiet as he contemplated me, his eyes assessing me.

His eyes narrowed after a couple minutes. “I was told you came from a rift? Did you create that magic? The rift?”

I panicked, knowing I helped the rift along but didn’t create the rift. So, it wasn’t truly lying? Right? “No,” I told him. “I didn’t create the rift.”

“Yet, you emerged from it?” He asked. “You are a lie. Reports of your ice magic has reached my ears. I know what you are, Saarebas.” His eyes flitted from mine to the man that held my chain. I felt the dizziness starting to get me again and my knees faltered as the chain was tugged. “Arvaarad, be sure to stitch them tight.”

I glanced back and forth between the two of them. Stitch? Stitch what? “Arishok,” Arvaarad told him. Then asked a question in their language, and Nightmare grew angry. My knees started to buckle as Nightmare hissed “No!” to me and burst suddenly to the front of my mind as the Arvaarad was handed a needle and thick thread. I barely had enough time to keep myself up as Nightmare took control of me, sending me back into myself. I tried to fight him, but I knew with the way my arm throbbed, it was pointless.

Nightmare reached a hand to my damaged arm, clawing at the scab, while the Arvaarad was readying the needle and thread. What was Nightmare doing? As he clawed I held in yells, not wanting to get any more unwanted attention from Sten. He believed in the Qun and their system. I was stupid to think he would give a complete magic using stranger lenience. I had no part in their hive. Blood dripped from my wound and I felt Nightmare hiss words in a different language as the wound started to heal, but I felt even weaker than before.

Sten studied Nightmare as he performed and he yelled at Arvaarad in his language in anger. I felt myself being hit to the ground and Nightmare lashed out, creating a flash of green, making the Qunari back off. “The tongue is to be left alone!” Nightmare told them in his scratchy low voice. The chain was pulled on hard, making me fall to my knees as something locked around my neck. Two collars?

Another Qunari held a mask, and I looked at it in horror. This was beginning to become more and more like a scary movie. Nightmare relaxed and released his control, leaving me tired and barely able to stay in a kneeling position. The Qunari spoke to each other as they approached me with the mask outstretched. I felt the fear in me, wondering what they were going to do once the mask was on. My breathing was erratic and I gave a desperate look at Sten who caught my eyes, his face stern and final. This was how it was. This was what would happen. What were they going to stitch?

The mask was placed on my face and I felt a tear slide down my cheek from fear. Arms held me in place as the mask was tied on and I could barely see from the eye holes. It was a very limited view. In fact it was a metal visor and not a mask at all. With writing in a language, I didn’t know. This can’t be happening. Someone will come through the doors to save me. Cullen. Hawke. Anybody. I knew that it wasn’t going to happen because they couldn’t know where I was. What exactly was going on here? Were they going to torture me? Make me a slave?

As I was held tighter, I knew something bad was going to happen. I felt more tears run down my cheek and I tried to struggle against the hold, but I knew it was pointless. God, if you are there, please, please help me. Send help. Help me! Please, let me wake up! Please! I felt a sob come from me and I never felt weaker or this cowardly. I was glad Cullen and the others weren’t here to see this. I waited to hear Dorian bursting through the door, shooting spells. Instead, the sound of my whimpering as Arvaarad stuck the needle through my lip, filled my ears.

The needle slid through easily and I felt him tug it a bit. Then the needle went through my top lip and I felt tears of pain mix with the ones of terror. They were stitching my mouth together? Why? There was relative silence as Arvaarad stitched, except my whimpers. The needle piercing my skin and the feel of my mouth being forcibly closed, was…was…so unreal. This felt like a nightmare I would wake up from, but I wasn’t. The bit of blood caused from the needle, slowly ran down my lips and chin. Just a small drizzle, but still enough to feel. They continued to stitch the whole mouth and it felt claustrophobic. I had no way to open my mouth and my vision was virtually taken away. I was in chains and was their slave. Their prisoner. I silently sobbed as he finished stitching my mouth. Were they planning on stitching my eyes before Nightmare took over.

As soon as the stitches were complete, I felt the arms release me. I sagged from the support being taken away and the chains dragged me up. I struggled to my feet, trying to keep my balance. “You are not at fault for being born with your defective,” Sten’s voiced informed me. I felt my legs shaking and my vision was blurry. “You will carry your evil within and we honor that. Your defective makes your place in nature uncertain. Therefore, you will be Saarebas,” Sten finished before speaking Qun. I felt more tears and was grateful that at least I wasn’t dead. “You have used forbidden magic and a demon lives within. We will give time to see if you are able to survive the evil. You are our enemy until then.”

Enemy? Does that mean that I was going to go through torture? What did Qunari do to their enemies? What was happening? I felt extreme disappointment that there wasn’t a rescue. That I was still there with sewn lips, told that I was defective. It was stupid, but there always seemed like a last-minute rescue in the Dragon Age games. Except for Duncan…and Hawke’s family…and you know the Couslands. Okay, there was a bunch of death. I was fucked.

Arvaarad spoke and I felt my vision going in and out. I wasn’t going to make it much longer. A lot was taken out of me when Nightmare used blood and Fade magic. It took effort to make one leg move in front of the other and as a wave of dizziness took over me, I fell to the ground. It made no issue for the Arvaarad, who continued to drag me by the chains, and my head hit a corner, causing me to close my eyes and will myself to try to stand again. I made it to my knees, the Arvaarad stopping, realizing I was trying to cooperate. Somehow, I made it to my feet, and I began to walk, tripping over my feet as we went, making me feel drunk.

I somehow managed to keep up with him, my vision still limited by the visor. I was breathing heavily from my nose as I was dragged into the cell. He pushed me down and my arms were chained separately so I reach myself. Awesome. After chaining me up, I felt a wet rag on my mouth and a bit of water came into my mouth. I sucked it in, relishing the wetness on my tongue. I didn’t realize how much I was craving just a bit of water. He placed the rag on my mouth three times before I saw him walk away through my visor. I went to open my mouth, and whimpered when the strings tugged and my lips wouldn’t budge.

What about food? I was starving and I wondered how they were going to feed me. If they were going to feed me. Arvaarad came back and glanced at me, his eyes seeming to show some pity, but not enough to do anything about my situation. After all, I am the enemy. I was like an angry dog that was lost. You feel pity they were separated and hurt, but you needed to keep him chained up so he wouldn’t hurt anyone.

“The evil strong in you,” Arvaarad told me, his common not very great, but understandable. I stared at him and he sat on the other side of the cell. “They need best Arvaarad to watch enemy.”

Was he trying to create conversation with someone who obviously couldn’t speak back? I kept my eyes on him, seeing the way he leaned against the wall so casually, yet alert. His eyes met mine, or I thought they did, and he gestured to me. “Odd human. Green magic. Threat to Qun.”

I glanced down now hungry, tired, and scared. I wish I read the fucking codex on Qunari. I wish I played Dragon Age II and I wish that I wasn’t so terrified right now. This moment, right now, made me more of a believer for mage rights. I mean, mages in the circle aren’t treated like this, but we aren’t defective. We aren’t freaks. We were born like this. God, the Maker, Andraste, any of the elven gods made us this way. We were created to bring magic into this world to help others. Everyone abuses things they were born with. Words, body, and even the mind. Magic can be a weapon, but it is also a gift. It protects. It heals. It creates realms of possibility. Elven artifacts must have magic. The Maker must have magic to create people with it. Wasn’t it possible, that even the Qun God, nature or whatever, has a place for magic in life. That our purpose isn’t unpredictable. That we are given a specific talent of magic to help the Qun in some way. Not be treated like puppets.

The fear of magic creates the bad magic. The fear of being locked up, creates the want to have dark magic. The knowing that no matter how good of a person you are, if you use any magic, blood or otherwise, you are judged and watched. Not fully trusted. You are tolerated. Don’t the Dalish and ancient elves have magic in the elven artifacts. Look at the well we drink from getting Samson. Magic. The Eluvian. Magic. The fucking artifact that made Branwen’s hand glow. Magic.

I haven’t even been here that long and magic has made my life messy. Even before the blood magic, the Fade magic was a problem. It was something that I couldn’t understand. Something that wasn’t magic, but was at the same time. That Fade magic, felt like an ability, not magic. Like a power. You can’t drain Superman of his flight or strength…I guess unless you have Kryptonite. You can’t take away Aquaman’s ability to talk to the sea creatures and control the water, along with what lives in it. The flash will always run fast. The Hulk will continue to turn into a big green angry dude when upset and Thor will always be able to pick up his hammer. How come they get to be heroes with those abilities?

How do they get to be treated with praise when they are destroying cities fighting these enemies and us mages are being looked down upon when we do the same? There are exceptions, like Anders, who go beyond what they should for their beliefs to be heard. Blowing up innocents isn’t alright, but what about using magic that is supposed to be pure evil and showing it can be used to heal and help others. Even if you don’t fully understand it. What if some mages are more prone to certain magics and so it calls to them more? Like Harry Potter, some are better at herbology than defense against the Dark Arts. What if magic speaks to you to go a certain path of study? How are we to know? Like the Maker, how are we to know what it is truly capable of? If he created so many of us mages, weren’t we meant to use it?

The anger and motivation in me were rising. Wasn’t I supposed to beat Nightmare? I’m capable of doing it! I know it. But how? If I got him into my head with the Fade, couldn’t I get him out? Could I create a rift via the Fade that I go to when practicing with Solas? Then it could send him to a different part of the Fade. Away from me. I had no clue how to defeat a demon, but I think I may be able to trick him.

I felt my eyes closing as my body became more exhausted and the adrenaline from my realization began to leave me. How could I think that I was going to be able to do that? With the limited amount of energy that I had. I would just have to push through it. Didn’t I want to see Cullen again? Dorian, Hawke, and Bull? See everyone in Skyhold? Be home there? You are John King’s daughter. You aren’t prone to giving up. Kings are fighters. We go until we die. I’ll fight after a little rest.

There was loud talking in the language I still had no understanding of. I slowly blinked my eyes, confused at why I couldn’t see well and remembered my situation. The larger Qunari came in, giving Arvaarad some kind of instructions. Arvaarad came to me, pulling on my stitching making me flinch in pain. Once the stitching was removed, I felt my mouth hurt from the small wounds. The large Qunari loomed over me. “Arishok wants to learn more about the rift. How did you create it?”

I noticed an elf with him, and I wondered if it was Qunari as well. He had a quill and parchment. “I don’t know,” I croaked. The Qunari hit me and I felt the sting on my cheek, blood on my lip.

“How did you come out of it?” He questioned. I looked up at him, scared of what he was expecting of me.

“I went through it,” I told him. “I jumped through a different rift and came through that one.”

The Qunari slowly nodded, his stance never changing. “And why did you create it?”

 _Don’t let them see that you are weak. You are weak, but you are the Captain? Aren’t you? If you die, I will continue to use your body as my vessel. I don’t care either way if you live or die. Just don’t mess up…like you usually do._ Nightmare told me.

The Qunari yelled at me in his language, his tone clearly made to put the fear of God in me. He nailed it. I, unfortunately, couldn’t understand a word he said. I felt my heart pounding, my stomach knotting, and the chill that runs down your back when you are scared. “I don’t know wh-.” I managed to get out before being hit again and I felt the air leave me as his blow hit my stomach. I tried to regain my breath as tears filled my eyes.

“Demon! What about Demon?” He asked enraged. I was slumping as much as I could in my chains and I felt his kick in my ribs when I didn’t answer as fast as he liked. I felt myself spit out some blood from his kick. Shit. I was going to be dead in a few days if this kept up.

Nightmare roared in anger, charging for my will. I made an attempt to keep him back, back I was still trying to get my breath back through the sharp pains that happened when I breathed. I could still the full pain of my wounds when Nightmare took over, but it was in the back of my brain.

“Your magic is unnatural,” the Qunari told me. Arvaarad watched with his arms crossed, nodding in agreement. “You don’t deserve freedom. You dangerous. You weapon.”

“I’ll show you weapon,” Nightmare shot back with a throaty hiss. He laughed as he licked the blood from my lips and made the Fade power grow in our heads. Nightmare no. Don’t do it. Don’t have us sucked into a rift with these two. “Here’s your demon.” There was a blinding flash of green and I had to close my eyes from it. When I opened them, there were wisps of green Fade magic coming up around the room. Wow. That was more than I ever did not in the Fade. Wait. So, my Fade wasn’t magic and Nightmare was still able to draw on my blood magic. Things just got more interesting, but also worse for us.

Arvaarad pulled out his sword and came toward us, hitting me on the head with his hilt. I felt Nightmare retreat and suddenly pain was the only sense I had. Every nerve. Of course, he would leave when the going got rough. He hit me again and I saw black.

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“Eat,” Arvaarad ordered gruffly. I felt my breathing falter as I started to awake from my sleep. The past few weeks have been hell since Nightmare decided to show what we could do. I officially smell like a zoo, I have more bruises than I can count, and some broken ribs. I knew that I didn’t look good, and if it weren’t for Nightmare, I wouldn’t have made it this far. I couldn’t believe I was saying this, but I grateful that someone else was here with me, even if it was a demon.

By no means were Nightmare and I friends, but when my body has been pushed to the limit and I couldn’t answer a question during the daily interrogation, then Nightmare would fucking take over, saving me from feeling the amount inflicted on me. Of course, I wouldn’t get the amount I did if it wasn’t for him taking over.

I learned quickly that there was a routine for the day. Stitches out. Eat. Water. Interrogation. Stitches in. Pass out. The pain of the needle everyday was the worst. The past few weeks, I gave up answering the interrogation questions, knowing now that there was no real answer they wanted and that I was still the enemy. I wish I knew what they were saying when they were speaking to each other. Sten came in and personally interrogated me yesterday.

It was the worst one yet. I have no part in their order. I was told by him that I would be part of their plan then. That I would be their weapon. That I was dark. Unnatural. That I should be grateful I even have the freedom to live. That I am too powerful for my own good. That my demon makes me different then their saarebas’. That my demon is the most powerful. That I will work with them now. That I will become my own enemy. That those that thought me friend, will now think me enemy. As it should be. Magic needs to be contained. I am Saarebas.

I was starting to respond to that name and I hated it. I was growing more like what they wanted and losing part of me. I was losing hope and fight. I was Saarebas. No! I was Kassy King. I was Captain King. And I was unnatural. No, that’s not what I meant. I am a force to be reckoned with. Nightmare and I are most powerful. No. I need to get rid of Nightmare. I need to figure out how to get home. I need my family. Cullen. I needed to get word to Skyhold.

“Eat!” Arvaarad repeated and I felt moldy bread stuffed in my mouth. I chewed slow, my jaw sore from the constant hitting. Yesterday, Sten gave full force blows, making me black out before Nightmare could come back. The constant sleeping from exhaustion and pain left me no time to figure out my Fade plans. Every day I told myself that I was going to figure out how to get to the Fade and create a rift to send Nightmare away, but I wouldn’t.

I swallowed the bread, getting another bite. I shook my head when he went to put more in and he put the loaf down, reaching down for the rag in the water. I quickly swallowed down the bread, my mouth craving the water. He rang the rag into my mouth and I gulped the water down like a hamster in a cage. I feared this part because I knew what would come after. I was surprised to watch Arvaarad grab his needle and thread. “No questioning?” I barely hissed.

His eyes didn’t meet mine, thinking I was less than him. His attitude toward me got worse and worse as each day pass. “You give no answers. You don’t need mouth open. You dangerous with it open.” Without warning, the needle went through my lower lips without warning and I flinched in pain. The wounds weren’t very clean and I knew though the wounds were small, they were infected. No surprise based on how I was living now. The sweat from the heat trickled down my face and the salt from it stung my wounds.

Once the stitching was done, he unshackled my hands from the walls, leaving them in the chain and tying them in front of me. He grabbed he leash on my collar, pulling me up. I was curious what was happening and he called in his language out the door. A man came in with clothing. Clothing? Was I getting clothing?

Sten followed in after, as the man with the clothing began to strip me of my own clothing, including my boots. I felt angry that I was naked in front of them, as if I was a show they were watching. Not that my body looked great. I was definitely looking rough. The clothing was a shirt that was more like a crisscross bra and a skirt. Very Egyption feeling and I hated it. They were black and I figured it was to remind me of the dark that lives me. The chains were rearranged and my hand shackled behind my back. Sten pushed me to my knees and the man left.

“You are full of evil,” he began. “You are a weapon.” I looked up at him. “Fight for us.” He pulled out a vial of blue glowing liquid. Wait. Was he? Was he serious? Was he expecting me to drink Lyrium? I thought operation Dragon Breath wasn’t for a few years…or were they starting it as soon as we started the Inquisition? How many Lyrium pumped saarebas’ were there? “Saarebas, you fight with us.”

Sten was crazy. I shook my head and tried to move away from him. Arvaarad hit me and grabbed his stick, making me immobile. Fucking stick. Sten came closer to me, crouching down. “You are dangerous. You will fight for us. You are a weapon. Nothing else. A weapon for us to control. You are Saarebas.” He uncorked the Lyrium and poured it on my lips. Wasn’t raw Lyrium dangerous? Or would I be okay since it was potion form? I was just fucked all together.

He tipped the vial more and my mouth filled with the potion, making me reflexively swallow. No. No. This wasn’t supposed to happen. No. I couldn’t be full of Lyrium. How could my life in Thedas get so fucked up?

 _You made this choice when you jumped through the rift. You chose to abandon the life you knew. You made this decision. Live with it and stop bitching._ Nightmare told me. His voice seemed eager for me to drink the potion. Tonight, you leave. I informed him. Tonight, you are gone and they won’t have that power over me.

Sten finished pouring the potion in my mouth and I the Lyrium burned, the taste nothing like I’ve ever known. Almost metallic tasting. I wish I could spit, but with my lips sealed, I couldn’t. Sten stood and glared down at me. “You are Saarabes. You are a weapon.”

I was still immobilized as he loomed over me. And I could hear “The Day that Never Comes” playing in my mind. _Born to push you around. Better just stay down._ Sten took a minute. “Tell us how you create rifts.”

I couldn’t move and so I stayed still, taking a kick to my stomach. _You pull away. He hits the flesh. You hit the ground._ “Saarebas, I am Arishok. You answer me. Tell me about the rift.” I felt the ability to move take me over and I grew angry. Fuck you Sten. You won’t get the ability of my Fade power. I felt a rush through me and I glared at him, shaking my head, knowing he would be upset.

 _Mouth so full of lies. Tend to black your eyes._ _“_ You are Saarebas. You are nothing. You are only weapon. You are dangerous. You will fight for us.” I closed my eyes and shook my head. God, please let this be over quicker than yesterday. _Just keep them closed. Keep praying. Just keep waiting._

Sten was angry and he grabbed face, making me look up at him. “You will break. You are weak now. You work for the Qun. You will die for the Qun.” He shoved me down roughly, and spoke to Arvaarad in the Qun language. Leaving he slammed the door, making me flinch. Arvaarad came toward me, kicking me hard, making me fall onto my side.

“Respect to Arishok, Saarebas. Respect to the Qun, Saarebas. This is how you will learn.” He continued to kick, making me grunt in pain with every forceful blow.  _Push you cross that line. Just stay down this time. Hide in yourself. Crawl in yourself. You’ll have your time._

I tried to focus on the plan I had once the “learning” was over. The Fade plan. Fuck the Qun. Fuck Sten. Fuck Nightmare. I would figure this out. I had to. _God I’ll make them pay. Take it back one day. I’ll end this day. I’ll splatter color on this gray. Waiting for the one. The day that never comes. When you stand up and feel the warmth. But the sunshine never comes._

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Operation Fuck Nightmare wasn’t going as easily as I thought it would go. It took a week for me to enter the Fade by myself without slipping into sleep from exhaustion. I forgot the headaches that using the Fade magic caused. It would be worth it though. To finally be rid of him. Another month to actually be able to perform magic there. It was physically exhausting and often, the pain of an injury interrupted my concentration.

The Lyrium was now something that happened daily, and I hated that my body enjoyed the Lyrium. It craved it. It made me feel more alive and though it helped make me determined to get rid of Nightmare, I understood how Templars were so addicted to it. The extra power you felt from it, was unlike anything I ever felt. My Fade abilities were heightened by it and I doubted that I would have gotten as far as I have without it.

I just had my daily visit from Arishok…I mean Sten. Keep him as Sten. I was nervous about these visits. Some days I went with only a couple injuries. My continuing reluctance to answer him, makes Sten upset and am starting to feel differently about my answer. I would be powerful with the magic. Imagine the Rift I could create with the Lyrium boosted power. And without this collar. I would be the most powerful Saarebas, even without Nightmare. Didn’t Dorian say my magic was different, making it more dangerous, but equally as important?

Wait, Saarebas, I mean Kassy. Fuck. They are brain washing you. Fight it. Cullen. Dorian. Hawke. Branwen. Varric. Cassandra. Iron Bull. I repeated the names of the people at Skyhold I left behind to myself. How could I get a message to them? Get them to know where I was? I needed to leave here before things got worse. How long have I really been here? Two months? Three months? It was hard to tell with no window. What was it like to walk? To sleep in a bed? To bathe?

My “teaching” for the day had finally finished, and I laid on my side, trying to make it seem like I was sleeping. Often, this time turned into crying. I cried easier these days, just with the thought of never seeing Cullen again. Helping he Inquisition. Forced to help destroy the Inquisition, or whomever they thought were their enemies.

Closing my eyes, I relaxed my breathing and focused on the Fade, high on my fresh Lyrium dosage. It took a few minutes, but I was able to reach it today. I felt the drain already on me, but I pushed through it. I thought today would be the day I got rid of Nightmare, but a new plan popped into my mind during my daily beating. I was going to find Solas. In the Fade. Hopefully. I would try. I would use all my energy to the breaking point to do it. With the light amount of injuries today, it was the perfect time to try.

I thought of Solas when I began walking. In the Fade, I was still as I was when I slept, minus the hand bondage. My arm movement was free. I began to walk around, calling to Solas in my mind, hoping he would hear me. Minutes turned to hours and I almost gave up on myself. This plan wasn’t going to work. I concentrated on how it felt when Solas was with me in the Fade and took a deep breath. “Fen'Harel, help me,” I cried in my head. I pictured myself with him, and pushed all my energy on it.

“How do you know my name?” Solas asked me, his voice dark and threatening. I felt tears in my eyes as I opened them and saw the elf that I never thought I would be so happy to see. He stood tall and with such authority that there was no denying who he was. This was the god of the elves. This was the god I called to in need. I never thought that would happen. I fell to my knees in front of him, silently crying as I reached up and took off my mask, throwing it to the ground, before glancing up at him. Help me, I thought.

Solas’ eyes tried to understand what was happening and suddenly the recognition kicked in. He fell to his knees in front of me, looking me over, his grey eyes staring at my lips before back up to my eyes. “Kassy,” he said in a hushed tone, unbelieving that he saw me. I nodded, the tears still coming down. He shook his head and glanced at my collar and my mouth again. “I have been searching the Fade for months. Why haven’t you answered? What happened?”

I pointed to my mouth and his eyes registered what I was asking. He waved his hands in the rift, and I felt the sutures begin to fade. I saw the pity in his eyes as his hands swirled, but he kept his cool demeaner, his eyes not as calculating as usual. Once the stitches were out, I let out a sob, not being able to hold back my relief at finding him. I could feel my energy draining though, and I would have to tell him quickly if I wanted to get information to him.

“The Qunari got me. They know I have Nightmare and they…well they…” I gestured to myself, looking down at the ground. “I don’t know where I am, but it’s hot and Sten is here. He’s the Arishok now. I know that means nothing to you, but Leliana would understand.” I was feeling woozy and I knew time was running out. I needed to hurry and tell him more information before it was too late. “It is taking a lot to stay here right now. I…I…,” I didn’t know if he could understand me through the sobs or not. His face didn’t show any emotion, but his eyes were swirling with my information. “Solas…they….they are forcing me to drink Lyrium.” There was disapproval on his face and he stood up and turned away, thinking. “I’m scared, Solas,” I whispered. “Help me.”

At my plea, Solas turned to me, his eyes still trying to process everything I told him, trying to make sense of my sobbing. He went to his knees and put a hand on my shoulder, his blue eyes full of an emotion I never saw in him: comfort. “I will try,” he told me. “I’ll leave now to-.” I grabbed his wrist, making him look at me.

“Cullen? How is he?” I asked, and Solas’ eyes went soft again. I needed to know. I needed to know what he was doing. Feeling. Acting.

“The Commander is endlessly searching for you,” he informed me, not giving me anything else. He was searching for me. He wasn’t giving up either. “Though he may be tired, he is nothing compared to how you are, Captain.”

I felt relief that he was okay, and guilty that he was searching Thedas for me. I licked my lips and stood up slowly. “Thank you, Solas.”

Solas nodded and the green of the Fade twisted around us in recognition. He studied me again and his head tilted slightly to the side. “You are stronger than anyone would have thought, Captain.” He took a deep breath and I saw…was that respect? Was I earning his respect? “Rest now. You have a journey ahead of you.”

I felt myself wake with a silent gasp and my body felt like I was falling from a bed. I jerked and tried to catch my breath. I did it. I did it! I found Solas. I found….I….I found him. I wept, tears of hope. So many days where I thought I would be stuck here. So many days I thought I would never see them. They were coming. I would get home. I would see them soon.

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The knowledge that I would soon see them, continued to be my beam of hope in the quickly intense world of the Qunari. Days go by, the same routine and occasionally, Nightmare would make an appearance, causing us to have a blackout from the beating. He saved me from one particular beating, the day after I talked to Solas in the Fade. I was stubborn, more than usual, with Sten. He did not appreciate my answers, causing me to earn the worst beating yet. Nightmare noticed that though and took the lead, helping absorb most of the blows until I passed out.

He urged me to not fight to drink the Lyrium though. He hissed plans in my head about the things we could do with that power. He told me I could create a rift back to my home in Michigan with that power. See my family again. Pretend this was all a dream. We could create a huge rift to get us out of here. Let the demons just devour them. Nightmare was very good at his explanations, making them seem exactly like what I wanted. He almost succeeded a couple times, before I remembered Cullen and Skyhold. That was my home now.

I was still entering the Fade every day, hoping to complete Operation Fuck Nightmare. He was draining me more than the actual Fade. He was beginning to catch onto my plan and has been trying to take over more often, knowing that the Fade took a lot of energy from me. The worst part of it all, was that I could feel myself changing since I’ve been taking Lyrium.

There was this feeling in me. This feeling of actually believing what Arvaarad and Sten told me was true. I was starting to refer to myself as Saarebas. I was believing that maybe I was unnatural and that I should be locked away like this. Away from the natural order of the world. The world where everyone had a particular purpose to the balance of the world. I was intruding on that. I upsetting it by letting my magic exist. They were right. I was just a weapon.

No! Damn it, Saar-…Kassy! Fuck you! Don’t. Don’t do this! You can’t! You need to snap out of this. Cullen. Dorian. Branwen. Hawke. Iron Bull. Cassandra. Everyone at Skyhold. Templars were right. Mages needed to be contained. They needed to be….woah! Hell no! Mages deserve freedom. Mage rights, Saa-…Kassy. Mage Rights! You are Kassy. You. Are. Kassy.

I felt the confusion in me and the turmoil of my situation. My brain was starting to believe Sten and Arvaarad. I was almost confessing how to creates rift and use them for mass destruction. How I could have Nightmare come out and wreak havoc on the Tevinters. How I could use blood magic and combine it with my ice magic to magnify the effect it has on it. That is what frightened me. I don’t remember how long ago my conversation with Solas was, but I knew that Nightmare had to go. That… he could help me wield powerful magic. Maybe they should try some red Lyrium. Isn’t that stuff….fuck. You went there. You are going crazy. He is driving you crazy.

I sat in the corner of my cell, face to the wall, rocking. Sing your song. It will be okay. Sing your song, it will be okay. Sing. Just….sing. My lips went to move and I felt the tight stitches made tighter from Nightmare’s freak out. My voice sounded better in my head anyhow. I closed my eyes hearing the music in my head and the image of Cullen came to me. His arms holding me. His lips brushing my hair, telling me I was okay. It was a Nightmare. Sing your song, love. _Hold me close, and hold me fast. This magic spell, you cast. This is la vie en rose._

As I sang in my head, I recalled Cullen’s face. His muscles when he practiced on the field. The way his scar would twitch in annoyance when reading certain reports. The way he would roll his eyes at anything Zevran or Hawke had to say. _When you kiss me heaven sighs. And though I close my eyes. I see la vie en rose._ I saw him by the fire, his blonde hair shining in the fire light and he would focus on the flames, lost in thought. The way his hand would go to the back of his neck when I flustered him without meaning to. _When you press me to your heart. I’m in a world apart.  A world where roses bloom!_

The way he would hum to himself without realizing if I’ve been repeating songs during the day. Or the way he would smile at me when I used slang. I missed the way his hair would be tussled if he was up all night doing reports. _And when you speak, angels sing from above. Every day words seem to turn into love songs!_ I loved the way he would understand me, without having to ask what was wrong. He just understood and he would hold me. His smell. His strength. The way his breathing would speed up when I kissed him. His voice, even when he was pissed off at me.

The way we seemed to sync in bed. How he would be completely vulnerable with me and inspires me. How he could love a total stranger and fall in love with her in only a few months. I loved his bravery, the way he pushes on during hard times. That he has complete faith in me. That he kept searching for me. _Give your heart and soul to me. And life will always be. La vie en rose._

 _He won’t make it here. It’s been weeks. He won’t come._ Nightmare told me and I opened my eyes, surprised to be in the Fade. When did this happen? I had tears in my eyes and I glared at him. “Shut up.”

 _He isn’t coming. The Qunari will know he is coming. On their own island._ He appeared in front of me, but not in the form of the multieyed spider. He was in the form of me. But a dark me. _You aren’t worth the death of so many in the Inquisition. You are nothing. You mean nothing. You are only powerful because of me._

“Not true,” I growled at him, my hands fisting in anger. When did my lips get unstitched? I studied the evil me. She was…untouched. She looked like me before the Winter Palace. I didn’t realize how toned I got since getting here. I looked…athletic, which was not something I ever thought I would say to describe myself.

 _Of course it is. You are weak. You are nothing. You are Saarebas._ She hissed and I followed her as she walked. _I know your plan. You think you can create a rift here and send me through it. You forgot one thing. I. Am. You._ She cackled and I felt a chill go down my spine. _Your plan isn’t so efficient._

I started gathering the Fade magic discreetly, using one of the various wounds on me to collect some blood. I licked the blood from my lips, feeling the power heighten. The Lyrium was kicking in as well. “You are right…” I began, flexing my fingers. “I am weak. I forgot you were able to read my thoughts when I wasn’t here. That I was creating Operation Fuck Nightmare, and you were there for the whole show.”

 _You didn’t just merely forget. You stupidly did it. You made a whole plan of demise, to have it end with this. Me taking you over completely. We are going to be part of the Qun until we are unleashed, then we start the new plan. Operation, join Corypheus._ I told myself. I stared at her in total confusion. What the fuck was she going on about. Join Corypheus? That made no sense. Did all Demons want him as God? Didn’t matter, let her keep monologuing. She was making this plan easier than I anticipated…I mean he…he was messing me up posing as me.

 _Then I can use him as my new host. Imagine the power that he possesses. Unless we use red lyrium and become even more powerful. Should we suggest that to Arishok next time he pays a visit?_ Nightmare hissed. I felt the intensity of the rift building in me and I couldn’t help but think that maybe I was dreaming and not really in the Fade. Weren’t dreams in the Fade? Stop. Focus. This can be simpler than anticipated. I pushed the energy in me, letting it ring in my ears as Nightmare stopped his talking to focus on me, a hand to his head…well technically, my head.

 _You think you can fool me? I know everything. Right now, you are collecting power to create a rift to send me through. It won’t work. I can easily connect to you again._ I shook my head, fear in my chest that he figured me out. I shouldn’t have been so cocky, thinking he didn’t know what was happening.

He laughed at me, giving me a look of mock sympathy. I never wanted to slap a face more. Especially my own. I continued though, feeling myself slipping as I was becoming drained. What made me think I could do this? Today? After a rough day? He knew too. That was why he….an intense headache formed and I saw him reaching out to me, smirking. _Let me back in, Saarebas._

I pushed against him, his grip on my will tight. I staggered and fell down, not being able to really focus on the rift. _You will tire yourself out soon. Might as well save that strength for something important. Now…let me back in._ I felt my breathing stagger from the concentration and will to keep my mind blocked from him. Not letting him sneak in again. Tears stained my cheeks and I wondered when I began crying. No. Don’t let him in. Don’t let him break you.

He was right though, I felt myself slip from the Fade a little before forcing myself back. It was hard to stay here. Hard to concentrate on what I needed to be doing. Hard to not fall into glorious exhausted sleep. To just…close my eyes for a few minutes while I recharge. No! Fight! Fight! This is your chance to be rid of him! “You have ruined so many parts of my life you bastard!” I growled, letting my anger fuel me. I looked up at him and glared. “You tried to kill me and my friends in the Fade.” I felt my breathing get heavier. “You convinced me that I was a monster for choosing blood magic. That I wouldn’t make a difference with it.” I kept my eyes on him. “You made people afraid to trust me. Afraid that I will be one of those mages that will blow up chantries because of my demon.” I stood up slowly. “You made me doubt myself and those around me.” I took a step toward him, pushing my own chest in anger. “You gave me no choice but to jump through a god damn rift, because I know the things you are capable of doing. The chaos that you would create. You could wipe out the Inquisition given the chance. Especially once you figured out my magic.” He smirked and that pushed me over the limit. “You, mother fucker, made this hell, more of one.”

I felt the will in me grow with my anger and I grabbed the dagger off Nightmare me belt, and cut my arm, letting the blood drip on the ground. I pulled at the blood magic, and mixed it with my Fade abilities as it built in me.

 _Those were all your choices. I didn’t chose for you to have blood power. I didn’t ask you to create a rift back in the Fade. I didn’t jump through the rift you so willingly jumped through. You made those choices, Saarebas. You and you alone._ His smile never faltered as he watched me start to perform the magic. _And you will never be rid of me or the choices you have made._

“I may not be rid of the choices I made in the past,” I hissed at him. A spark of green flashed between us and his smile left his face as I fought his advance into my mind. “Today is the day I finally will be rid of you.” I gave a wicked grin as there was a loud crack and a large rift appeared behind Nightmare, the crackling almost deafening. “You are right about one thing,” I told him as I grabbed hold of his shirt, quickly plunging the dagger into his chest as he glanced back at the rift. His eyes went wide with shock as he gave me a look of pure hate. He struggled against me as I backed him up, my strength more than usual. The blood from his wound coated my hand and I felt my blood magic take his strength to add to mine. “I am Saarebas.”  

His blue grey eyes turned black as I saw him about to attack and I quickly pushed him into the rift, watching it pulse with energy. Seeing him gone, made me fall to my knees and I felt drained of all life. I felt myself jerk back into the real world. My head throbbed in time with my heart and I wish I could hold it. Was that real? Or was it a dream? I couldn’t concentrate any more as the blackness overtook me.

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A kick in my stomach made me groan. Two weeks since Nightmare went through the rift. Two weeks since I defeated him. Or did I? Did I only distract him? Either way, it was a victory, but I wasn’t able to celebrate. Two weeks of more torture than usual. They were catching on to my loss of Nightmare. Typically, he would make an every other day appearance. I was beginning to regret my choice. I wanted to please Arishok. I was missing Nightmare.

He was giving me more Lyrium than usual lately, telling me that I was his ultimate weapon. That I would fight for him. He tried to push me to points were Nightmare would usually take over, and then would be upset that he didn’t. He thought increasing my intake of Lyrium would be a good idea to help bring Nightmare out. When he didn’t show, Arvaarad would teach me that I needed to obey Arishok. That I wasn’t free to make my own choices. Arishok controlled them.

I didn’t realize how much pain Nightmare took from me, and I wished him back. Then I remembered that weird dream I had a month or so ago. The one where I spoke to an elf. Who was that? They were vaguely familiar. Think Saarebas! Think! Oh yes. He said he was coming. It was only a dream though. Just a dream.

I wasn’t foolish enough to believe that they would come. Nightmare was right. How could they infiltrate the Qunari? The sweat trickling down my back made me itch and I wished I could wipe it away. The past few days I have been denied food, for not providing answers. The stitching was not removed and only Lyrium and water were given to me once a day. I was going to die. Even if I fought, I was going to die. It was becoming very clear. I felt myself cough in my chest and I took a deep breath through my nose. They were trying to break me and I was on the edge of doing it.

Arishok wanted me to say yes to fighting for him. He will not let me speak unless I say I will fight for Qunari. Fight against everyone I love. Become a mass destruction weapon of war. Today I would say yes. Today, I would be a good Saarebas and….no you won’t. You will die before that happened. You got rid of Nightmare. You are free from him…for now. You will be able to do this!

No. No. Arishok would be mad. I was a weapon. I didn’t want to be the enemy anymore. It was best to stay here, contained. Kept away from the balance of the world. Kept away from the people I can hurt. Serving a purpose. Lyrium. If not for Arishok, do it for Lyrium.

I fell onto my side as he kicked me again this time in the face. I whimpered. “You are a weapon.” I am. Another kick hit me. “You are our enemy until you say yes.” I groaned again, the pain almost numbingly horrible. Yes. Let me speak! I will join you. They don’t give me the opportunity to answer anymore, and I feared that my lack of trying today made Arishok very upset.

As I laid on the floor, covered in my filth and blood, I stared at Arvaarad’s boots, before closing my eyes. Any day now they would know that I lied. That Nightmare wasn’t here anymore. The door to the cell creaked open and I curled into a ball more, convinced that somehow Arishok found out. That he was here to punish me. No! I’ll be your weapon, just no more. No more.

I heard Arvaarad exclaim something in his language before there was the deafening sound of clashing blades. I remember that sound. So long ago. I forgot what it sounded like. No. You are dreaming. This is you dreaming. This can’t be real. No one is fighting here. No one is killing Arvaarad. If they are, it’s so another can take his place.

I felt myself go immobile and realized Arvaarad was using the stick so I didn’t interfere with the fight. I laid completely still as the clashing and grunts of fighting filled my ears. The thudding of a large body hitting the floor indicated the end of the fight. Who won? My body relaxed and I felt my muscles be my own again. I heard heavy footsteps and shuffling of feet. My body tensed again and I began to think that I would be blamed somehow. I was prepared for my punishment. My breathing was heavy and I flinched violently, when a hand touched my arm softly, letting it linger. Wh…What?

“Kassy,” a man said softly. I felt a lump in my throat. That name. How long has it been? No. No. I was Saarebas. It….it…no. This…this isn’t real. Just another dream.


	23. Chapter 23

**I do not own any characters. They all belong to…wait for it…Bioware. Love to my beta reader Eruya. Loving the song suggestions, reviews, follows, and favorites! You guys are amazing! Sorry about all the heaviness…maybe…yes…slightly sorry. Also, sorry it has been a while since I updated. Life, ya know? Hope you enjoy this chapter! Rated M for language and lemons.**

Chapter 23

Bull led the way through the mazes of halls, his certainty of direction assuring me we were on the right path. I was almost there. I would see her, hold her soon. The plan leading to this was a long one. At first there was no direction to go. I remember Solas’ face as he told me the details of his interaction with Kassy in the Fade. She was in a hot climate, there were Qunari, and she was their prisoner.

The days leading to the rescue were tense and filled with arguments, mainly Hawke and me. Though we both wanted to save her, we differed on how to do it. It wasn’t until Dorian broke up a particularly heated argument, that the plan actually begun. He suggested we talk to Iron Bull, since he worked with the Qun. Hawke and I were both unsure about that idea, knowing we were paying the Qunari for his services to the Inquisition. Could we trust him?

“Listen, Commander,” he began, his eyes never leaving mine as he crossed his arms across his huge chest. Does he ever wear a shirt? “I admit that I never thought I would give myself fully to the Inquisition. I was paid to be a part of it, not volunteering my services. However, last week, the Inquisitor helped me with the Qun, when my Chargers were in a difficult position. I realized what she represented. People, not alliances. She represents protecting those that help her with her cause. We aren’t just…in a way, she reminds me of the Qun. She makes everyone feel like they have a part to do in the Inquisition and you are valued. The difference is that she gives you chances to change and…have your own ideas. No matter the reputation or image you have.” He shrugged his shoulder. “When I joined her back here at Skyhold, the Qun considered me a traitor. I owe her for saving my Chargers’ lives. I guess I’m really part of the Inquisition now.”

Hawke nodded with satisfaction at the answer, but I still had my doubts. “You’d be willing to help us formulate a plan to save Kassy? Even if that includes killing some of your own? Maybe the Arishok if we run into him?”

Bull took a moment, looking down at the ground before going back up at me. “Yeah. As much as it seems wrong, I know the way they treat Saarebas’. Especially, enemy Saarebas’. Rift isn’t going to be the same person we knew. Trust me. If she isn’t brain washed by now, she will be.”

“She’s strong,” Hawke interjected, and I glanced back at him, my brain processing exactly what Iron Bull said. She wouldn’t be the same person. Brain washed. She was strong, but how strong can one person be when they are being tortured and dealing with Nightmare?

“I know,” Iron Bull confirmed, and he sighed. “But strength can only go so far. If they know she has a demon in her, the Arishok himself will be questioning her. It’s only a matter of time before she breaks.”

“She was no more than the shell of the woman I once knew. Her eyes seemed bigger, she was covered in dirt, and she was smaller. They must be starving her, the wisp of a girl we used to know. Three months and she changed so much. She was haunted. The strength leaving her. Her pleas unlike her. The lyrium will be her undoing. ‘I’m scared, Solas. Help me.’” Cole monotoned voice informed us, all eyes going to him. Those words must have been what Solas thought when he saw Kassy in the Fade. It already seemed so long ago, yet not long at all. Did he say lyrium?

“Lyrium?” I asked Cole, and his pale blue eyes lifted to meet mine. “Why wouldn’t Solas tell us that?”

Hawke frowned and shrugged his shoulders at me. “Probably because he knew she wouldn’t want you to know. Seeing that you are free from lyrium and all.” His voice didn’t hold a hint of sarcasm or snark and I thought that over. Lyrium…I knew the pull of the power. How long had they been giving her lyrium? “Last I knew, the Qunari didn’t have access to lyrium,” Hawke addressed Iron Bull. He took a step toward Bull.  “What aren’t you telling us, Chief?”

Was Iron Bull hiding something? He wouldn’t….would he? I also took the crossed-arm position, straightening my back. Iron Bull glared at Hawke and kept his mouth shut. I turned to Cole and gave my most intimidating look. “There was only talk when they saw the rift. Only talk. I never thought they would actually go through with it.”

Cole’s words made Iron Bull roll his eyes and keep his pose, Hawke glancing at me to see my reaction. She didn’t know how bad it would be. How long have they been giving her lyrium? How much? Was she addicted to it yet? The withdrawals! I….I didn’t wish for the withdrawals on anyone. She…she’s been through so much already. We need to leave today. We need to find her.  I need her in my arms, in one piece.

“Like the kid said, I never thought that the plan would be kicked around more. I assumed they would find something else and keep going.” He let out a huge sigh and leaned his hands onto my desk, leveling his eyes with mine. “I know you want her back, Commander. And we’ll do just that. It’s going to take some traveling to get there.”

“Where?” Hawke asked, his eagerness to journey just as much as mine. Dorian and him were just as committed to finding Kassy as I was. Even more so. On the rare occasions that I pass out while working, Dorian or Hawke would wake me with their ideas. Now, when everything was real and finally happening, they were prepping and researching as much as they could.

“Par Vollen,” he replied and I rolled my eyes at our luck.

“In the heart of the Qunari,” I stated, running a hand through my hair. “We will have to have a very well thought out plan for this. One that doesn’t get us caught and have to deal with the Arishok. I already had to do dealings with the first one in Kirkwall, I would hate to have to send Hawke to do another one.”

Hawke raised his eyebrows at me. “Do you remember my interactions with Arishok? I have been chased by the last Arishok. I literally ran around until I was able to get him. Thanks to Fenris.” He argued. “You think that the new Arishok would love to hear from me? Yeah. Not happening.”

Iron Bull seemed lost in thought, and we both ignored Hawke as he rambled on about his interactions with the Arishok. Finally, Iron Bull’s eyes met mine. I knew my eyes were begging for him to help us with this. To say he had a plan. That he would lead us.

“Let’s go save Rift,” Iron Bull told me, a bit of a smirk on his face. “We leave tonight.”

I kept close to Iron Bull as he ran, not wanting to lose him. Hawke, Dorian, and Zevran were right behind me, Varric and Anders keeping the exit clear for our quick escape. To be this close to seeing her was unreal. After the journey, the boat, and the days that seemed to drag on forever, we finally made it. It was oddly quiet here. Was it because they didn’t have many prisoners, or that their prisoners had their mouths stitched?

We slowly checked each room, listening to see if there were any sounds coming from them. Bull said he knew what to listen for. Finally, Bull paused turning toward us. He nodded his head sharply, indicating for the other three to check the rooms nearby. Stay in a group, at least two of you together. Easier to knock the Qunari out and escape. One on one combat could be tedious, especially with this type of rescue mission. Keeping quiet was our goal. Do not let the Arishok know we were there. Be prepared to fight hard for escape. If necessary, let Justice out. I was still a little dubious about that one.

I readjusted my grip on the hilt of my sword, ready for whatever came our way. Iron Bull glanced at me and I nodded, hoping that we could get in and out quickly. He checked to see if the door was locked before shouldering it open. The Qunari elf jumped up, clearly surprised, but ready for a fight. The Qunari was alone in the room and we were able to cut him down quickly. Why sit in an empty room?

“We must be close if they put him near here,” Bull informed me. I silently questioned him, raising an eyebrow and he nudged the body with his foot. “He wrote down the dealings with the prisoner. Conversations, food intake, drink, and I assume lyrium.”

I glanced down at the papers neatly rolled on the floor in a pile. So many of them. We couldn’t bring them all. Maybe just a few? I didn’t have the chance to grab one as Iron Bull headed out of the room, his movements determined. I followed, feeling that this was the room. That we would open it and I would see her. I felt my heart pounding hard in my chest as Iron Bull opened the door. Time felt slower as Bull and the Qunari spoke to each other and the fighting began. I caught a brief glance of her, well, what I thought was her, laying on the ground unmoving.

Was…was that really her? It…was it finally her? This, this wasn’t what I was expecting. I don’t know exactly what I thought I would find, but this….this wasn’t it. Seeing her like she was, made me angry. The mask that hid her eyes and the stitches that held her mouth together, made my heart beat in my ears, and the anger I felt a moment ago, turned into rage. I swung my sword on the Qunari, picking up on the tricks he tried to use on me. The same ones Iron Bull showed me on our way to this place. Maker’s breath, she better be alive. Iron Bull swung his sword too, and with a final blow, the Qunari fell to the ground, a wooden stick rolling from his hand. What was that?

Iron Bull kicked the body and I let my sword drop by my side as I went to the body that I once knew. My boots echoed as I stepped toward her. I never thought that something like this could happen to someone like her. Tied up, unable to fight. The body of someone that used to be strong, but now looked so frail. Her breathing was erratic, like someone that was terrified. She had her knees drawn to her chest, her hands tied behind her. The heavy chains that held her in place made her unable to move far from the wall. She had to endure this for how long? Four? Five months? I hadn’t expected the journey here to take so long.

Reaching out slowly, I put a hand softly on her arm, feeling her flinch at the touch. I kept my hand lightly on her, unthreatening, not believing that she was right in front of me. I took a moment to really look at her, her body covered in blood and bruises. The stitches. Those stitches were the thing that hurt me most. How could someone do this to another person? Leave them like this? “Kassy,” I said softly, hearing the bit of break in my voice. She laid silently, not moving, and I wondered if she thought I was a Qunari. Carefully, so that she knew I wasn’t going to harm her, I lifted her up, seeing each bruise created on her body, to a sitting position, before pulling her to my chest and holding her, rocking her.

I held her, not believing that finally, after months of searching, months of thinking her dead, that we were together. I kissed her hair, feeling an overwhelming feeling in my chest. “I’m here, Love,” I whispered to her. “We’re getting you home.” Deciding that I should get her free of the bonds and chains, I glanced back at Iron Bull. “How do we get the chains off?”

Bull was going through the pants of the fallen Qunari and he quickly looked up at me as he took the keys and the Qunari sword. He let the body fall to the ground again as stepped over it to me. His chest was covered in blood from the fight we just had and he stared at Kassy briefly, as he reached over and grabbed the stick. I glanced up at him with question and he pocketed the stick. “It controls her,” he told me. “Wouldn’t want any of them taking away her freedom to move.” He glanced at the door and then at me. “We don’t have much time. Undo her hands and I’ll get the chains unlocked from the wall. We’ll get everything else off her once we get out of here.”

I nodded, glancing down at Kassy, before moving behind her and grabbing my sword from the ground, cutting the rope that held her wrists. She sighed as they fell in front of her and I saw tears on her cheeks as I moved in front of her again, seeing the damage to them. Rubbed raw, blistering, and oozing. She would need a lot of healing. She held her hands in front of her, as if she was confused what to do with them. I noticed her struggling to stay upright and I grew angry again that she was this way.

Kneeling next to her, I held her, so she leaned against my chest, her breathing uneven. Was she still scared? Didn’t she realize what was happening? “Faster on those locks,” I ordered, trying to keep my tone even so she wasn’t scared. Iron Bull moved to the next lock.

“They figured out the demon,” he told me, gesturing to the locks. “More locks than usual. I’ll be surprised if she has her tongue.”

What? Tongue? I felt anxious to get her out of here, away from the torture she endured. Bloody hell, she probably thought she was going to die here. I kissed her hair again, closing my eyes and fighting the anger. She needed to get away from here. Away from the place that strikes fear in her. Away from the place that will haunt her dreams for years to come. Away from the lyrium that she will, without a doubt, crave. “Hurry,” I commanded, glancing toward the hall, hearing steps echoing down the hallway.

“There,” he told me, and I pushed the chains off her that held her in place. Bull helped me, making the task faster. “Don’t want to alarm you, Commander, but either that is our crew or Arishok.”

“Then we better hurry out of here before it gets bad,” I replied, scooping Kassy into my arms, she leaned her head against my chest and I kept a sword in a hand, just in case. We were running down the hall as we heard the clashing of swords. Iron Bull whistled, and we saw Hawke, Dorian, and Zevran running back toward us. Dorian was sending spells everywhere, creating purple and black flashes. Hawke had a couple cuts on his arm as he performed some spells as well, the lightening blinding as he sent it toward his target. Zevran rolled and cut the ankles of a Qunari, making it fall to the ground.

“They alerted the Arishok,” Zevran called to us, glancing briefly at Kassy, pity in his eyes. He spun quick, landing a blow at the Qunari. “Might need some help,” he called to us. Iron Bull headed forward and Dorian sent another spell that lit the hall. A dagger flew past me, swiping my arm. I swore under my breath, the cut deeper than I first thought as it struggled to keep Kassy up.

“Hawke,” I called out and he glanced my way. “Take her and find Anders. Get her to camp, we’ll be right behind you.”

Hawke gave me a confused look and sent out another spell before heading toward me. He carefully took Kassy from me and took in my wound. “That looks pretty serious, Curly.”

“I’ll survive. Now go. Get her out of here,” I commanded, adjusting my sword in my hand and heading toward the fight. “Go!” I shouted to him, watching him really see Kassy for the first time. He jumped and gave a nod before running, holding Kassy firmly in his arms. I felt anxious, watching her leave, only just getting her back. She’d be fine with Hawke. She’ll be fine.

“It’s me old friend!” Zevran called out. “Ah, I see you have rose in status. Congratulations!”

The elf was going to try to charm his way out of this? Honestly, we just needed to get out of here, not chum it up with the Arishok. “Zevran, you have no idea what you have done. Give Saarebas back to us,” Arishok growled.

The Arishok was nothing like the last one in Kirkwall. He was hornless and more fierce. The last Arishok made me think he could understand and make deals. Ones he would keep. This one…the way he talked, I could tell he wasn’t true to his word if it went against the Qun. Zevran was backing toward us, the rest of us with weapons ready. “We quick wound the Arishok. Don’t kill, we don’t want a war against the Inquisition for killing the Arishok. Then head out as fast as we can, lose ourselves on the path back to our camp,” I whispered to them. “Don’t leave any able to run after us.”

I saw heads nod as the Arishok yelled at us, his accent heavy enough that I couldn’t make out what he was saying. “Now,” I told them and we quickly rushed the Quns, the need to get back to Kassy fueling me.

The fighting went by slow and fast at the same time. I saw the spells from Dorian fill the hall with bright purple flashes and heard Iron Bull’s yells as he swung his sword. I felt the flesh of the elf Qunari give to my blade and saw the surprise as his eyes landed on me. As I pulled the sword from him, I saw Zevran jumping toward a Qunari, his daggers slicing the throat. Arishok was fighting Iron Bull and I knew that we had to get out of here before more recruits came in. I readjusted my sword and headed toward the Arishok, aiming for his legs. Immobilize him that way. One leg.

“Bull, grab the mage and get going,” I ordered, knowing to be careful with names. “Before more come.” I swung at Arishok and Bull glanced at me uncertain, his eyes going to my wound.

“I don’t-,” he began. “Now!” I interrupted, my sword going for his left leg. Bull began to back away and headed toward Dorian who was bent over, a hand to his stomach. I couldn’t glance for long, knowing the Arishok fought dirty.

I took in the one that made Kassy’s life hell for the past few months. The one that broke her. The one that stitched her and brainwashed her. The one that had her searching the Fade for help. The one that made her addicted to lyrium. The one that tortured her. I hated Arishok. I hated the Qun. I wanted to put him through the torture and fucking bloody mind warping that he did to Kassy. “You can’t have her,” I growled at him as he took a swing at me.

“She’s apart of the Qun. She fights for us. She’ll turn against you,” Arishok told me. I felt the anger in me, knowing he probably said the same words to her while he beat her. Did unimaginable things as she was chained to that wall. What did he do? How far did he go?

“She’s a storm to be reckoned with,” I said in a low voice, remembering the words that she used to mutter to herself when she stared out a window. I took another swing at him, and he blocked it, his eyes locking with mine.

“The storm faded,” he replied and he shouldered me, making me stagger to the ground, my sword falling from my hand. I grunted in pain and reached out to grab the sword as I felt him looming over me. My fingers were on the hilt and I curled them, gripping it tight. I saw the flash of silver and I glanced up, bringing my sword to defend myself, but there was no clanging of steel. Just complete surprise in the Arishok’s eyes as he glanced down.

Zevran side stepped as the Arishok fell to his knees. I managed to get to my knees as I looked between the two of them. “I’m sorry friend,” Zevran said softly to Arishok before pulling me up.

“Zevran,” he growled, a hand going to his back.

“My name uttered from lips in all corners of Thedas,” Zevran replied, focusing on me. “Move.”

I glanced behind my shoulder at Arishok as he glared at us, his blood starting to show on the floor around him. Zevran led the way from the keep, his face determined and unreadable. A man who trained with the Crows understands how to keep emotions from a fight. I forgot he has had such intense training. Maybe the elf wasn’t so bad after all.

We ran as fast as we could, keeping an eye out for extra recruits. Kassy. Soon I’ll be with her again. I needed to hold her again, feel her breathing. Help heal her. Maker, I’m never letting that woman out of my sight again. I felt relief at seeing the door that led to our secret passage in. Zevran pushed it open, seeing the hatch open in the back of the room. “Let’s go,” I told him. Kassy, here I come.

Our return trip was fast, and we both loosened up as we got further down our trek to the camp. I glanced over at Zevran from the corner of my eye, wrapping a cloth around my arm. “Thank you for what you did back there. Must not have been easy, seeing he was your friend.”

Zevran met my eyes and he gave a slight nod. “We have both changed since we traveled with the Hero of Fereldan.”

I gave a nod of understanding, not knowing what else to say. “Still, thank you.” I grabbed the end of the cloth with my teeth, pulling the knot tight. We were almost there. Almost back to Kassy. We escaped the Qunari and rescued Kassy. I needed to see her. Know the extent of the damage done to her. I wish I could have killed the Arishok. Zevran was giving me side long glances and I raised an eyebrow at him. “What?”

Zevran shook his head and glanced down at my bandaged arm. “I was just thinking that you seem nervous about seeing her. Or am I wrong?”

I sighed, glancing over at him, my pace quickening. “Anxious is a better word.”

Zevran gave me a sympathetic look, his attention going back to the path ahead of us. “Not to worry, Commander. You will be seeing her soon.”

Our jogging turned into a brisk run as we got to the camp, and I felt my heart pounding in my chest. I saw Iron Bull, dragging Dorian into a tent, the Tevinter barely walking. I hurried over, peering into the tent, knowing that I needed to check in on him, but wanting to get to Kassy. They both looked up as I moved the flap and Dorian gave a weak smile. “How bad?” I asked him.

“Nothing that the Commander needs to worry about. Rest is all I need. Nothing can keep my wonderment down for long,” Dorian told me, holding his waist.

Iron Bull glanced down at Dorian and back at me. “He’s not the one you should be worried about,” Bull told me. “Go to her.”

I didn’t need to be told twice. I tore away from the two of them, seeing Hawke and Anders near a tent, Varric watching. I sprinted to the two of them, noticing Kassy was now out of the chains. “Anders,” I called as I got to them. “How is she?”

Anders didn’t even glance at me as he threw the last chain away. “Haven’t really looked at her yet. We just got her out of her chains.” Hawke looked at me, Kassy leaning against his chest. I felt a complete need to take over, fighting the urge to hold her. My own need took over and I kneeled in front of her, her mask still on. I slowly reached out to take off her mask, seeing her breathing increase. I took in her outfit, noticing the amount that barely covered her. Her bruises and injuries were very obvious in the light of the fire. It was her mouth that had me the angriest. Silencing her. Making her feel less than worthy of life. A prisoner in her own body.

I lifted the metal mask off her and took in her eyes for the first time in months. They were sunken and she gazed up at me in confusion. As if she didn’t quite know if I was real or not. “You’re okay,” I told her, seeing the fight in her eyes. “Kassy,” I breathed, cupping her cheek.

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I knew him. He was familiar. I remember him, barely. Part of my life from way back when. Before I was Saarebas. The way his hand held my face, made me feel safe. Was this a trick? They saved me though. They all seemed….why can’t I remember them? I felt the need to go back to the Arishok, but I pushed it away. I was so tired. Every muscle hurting since being unchained. I blinked a few times, not used to the freedom of vision. I knew that man in front of me. The scar that twitched. The gold eyes.

My vision was still going in and out from the dizziness. I knew these people. Knew the person touching my forehead. Knew the man with the red stripe that was speaking to the mage. A mage. Not a Saarebas? No. You knew this. There are people in the world aloud to use their magic without being a weapon for war.

I felt the thumb of the hand move and my eyes went back to his. This man. Cullen. Yes, Cullen. Wait…this…I was….this. Cullen? This was Cullen? Was I dreaming? Am I? This? I stared at him, his eyes concentrating on my face, taking me in. My scars. My stitches. I knew I looked different. Broken. I was. I was supposed to be. I was Saarebas. 

Seeing him though. His beard grown from not shaving lately. I liked it. I missed him. I….I. I felt the sob in me and I reached a hand out to him, made difficult from not being able to move them in so long. It was slow and he noticed me reaching out, grabbing my hand and putting it to his lips. I felt the tears fall again and I forced myself to pull myself to him. I felt the sobs build in my chest, begging to be set free but couldn’t because of my stitches.

He grabbed me, holding me to his chest, his arms wrapped around me. “It’s alright now, love,” he whispered into my hair. “Maker’s breath, you’re safe.” I held onto his fur, smelling the familiar scent. This was real. I was safe.

“We should get those stitches out,” Anders said. Anders. I turned to the voice and blinked a couple times, feeling myself getting nauseous from all the movement. I saw double of him and leaned my head against Cullen’s chest, grateful to see them. I shook my head, knowing how bad the stitches hurt coming out. Especially when they were scabbed on from a day without coming out.

Ander’s came toward me, his knife in hand and I felt the panic in me. I held out my hands, scrabbling into Cullen’s chest. I shook my head, turning my face into his chest, wanting to disappear. “Hold on, Anders,” I heard a voice nearby. “Give her a minute.”

I felt Cullen stroking my hair and I took a deep breath. “We have to get the stitches out, love. I…I know you’ve endured a great deal of pain. Just….just a little bit more and then we can heal you.” I glanced up at him, tears in my eyes, vision still blurry. I shook my head, my eyes still filling with even more tears. He wiped the tears from my cheeks and I turned to Anders. I wanted to be free of the stitches but they…were apart of who I was now and I was scared what would happen getting them out. Once out they were always stitched back in. But out I get lyrium, my mind reminded me. I nodded, trying to mentally prepare myself.

Anders glanced over at Hawke and Hawke nodded. Inching toward me slowly, Anders settled himself in front of me. “Garret, start boiling water and grab me a rag. Varric, new clothes.” His brown eyes landed on me and he let out a deep sigh, sympathy and guilt in his eyes. “It will hurt a little. Then we will clean you up.”

My eyes dodged from him to the knife and back to him. I tried to swallow the panic and gave a small nod, my head starting to hurt from the spinning motion. Without intentionally meaning to, I scooched back against Cullen, and a bit of fear came when I realized I had nowhere else to go. Then Cullen put his hands softly on my upper arms and I leaned back against him, as Anders came forward. I felt the feeling of sickness and the realization that if I got sick, there was no way for it to fully get out of me. I had chills on my arm and my heart was pounding. I saw Anders reach out as my vision went in and out and suddenly black.

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My mouth burned and my body ached. I took a deep breath, feeling the burn in my lungs. I squeezed my eyes a couple times, before slowly blinking. I felt a cough build in my chest and I tried to sit up to cough but couldn’t, my stomach having other ideas. I groaned, closing my eyes again. I felt the cool air in my mouth and I realized my stitches were gone.

Someone squeezed my hand and I felt as if I was rocking on a boat. I moaned again and opened my eyes, squinting them against the light. “Thank Andraste, you’re awake,” Cullen told me. I felt hair being pushed away from my face and his face came into view. He looked exhausted as my vision focused, seeing his eyes look at me with relief. How long was I out? So, it wasn’t a dream?

I felt my eyes move over him, trying to figure out if I was dreaming or not. It felt real, but I didn’t know if it was because I was trying to suppress the hellish reality or if I was creating this in the Fade. I should be back in the cell, waiting to serve Arishok. Waiting for my lyrium. Lyrium. No. Stop. Snap out of it! This is real Saarebas. Kassy. Not Saarebas. You no longer have to be Saarebas. Kassy. You are part of the Qun…I mean Inquisition. There was guilt and a sense of wrong when saying that.

“You,” I tried to say, my voice barely coming out from my lack of use for months. Seeing him, and then remembering everything that happened. I never thought I would see this man again. That I could…would ever. I felt tears again and the sobs that weren’t able to come out earlier, broke free. Cullen’s hand cupped my face and he kissed my forehead, before wiping tears away with his thumbs, saying comforting words. I grabbed his wrist and held on, feeling like this was the only way to keep myself here.

“What happened?” Anders asked, his footsteps echoing on the wood. He let out a breath of relief seeing that I was awake, even if I was crying. He grabbed a cloth and wiped my forehead and grabbed some salve to put on my wounds. I glanced at him briefly, the sting from his touch on my wounds making me realize the reality of the situation. You were really with them.

“I think shock,” Cullen replied, his hands leaving my face to grab my hand. I closed my eyes at the pain of a wound on my chest and arm. I returned my stare to Cullen, taking this man in. So, the Fade with Solas? It was real. Was Nightmare real? Or was he still there? Wouldn’t he have come out to torture me by now if he wasn’t gone? What game is he playing? No time to think about that. Focus on this man. This man who came to wherever I was to find me. Save me.

“Cullen,” I breathed, reaching a hand up to touch his face. I felt my chest fill with so many emotions at seeing him. He brought my hand to his lips and he looked as if he might cry myself. “I-I’m so sorry,” I told him, my voice scratchy. Anders finished putting his supplies away and glanced between the two of us, seeming rather uncomfortable. He got up slowly, probably feeling that this was a moment not meant for spectators.

Cullen shook his head, a hand on my face again, stroking it, the other still holding my hand. “I don’t blame you for anything. What is there to forgive?”

I couldn’t be let off the hook so easily. “But I-.”

Cullen shushed me, and I obeyed, not knowing what to say or do. Not that I could do much. “I have you back and that is the most important thing.” He glanced down at my hand and licked his lips before looking back into my eyes. His voice shook when he spoke. “I…I never felt so…desperate before. I couldn’t imagine life without you Kassy. Even when you don’t exist, I’m always going to be in love with you. Your smile.” He gently touched my lips. “Your laugh. Voice. Touch.” I listened, tears once again falling. I felt myself start to recoil but I told it to go away. That the old Kassy needed to take over. “The memories of you.”

I stared at him confused. How do I respond to that? What would the old me say? I couldn’t remember that girl. The carefree girl. The girl who went through what she thought was a nightmare. I could laugh at those times. Here I was, a man I know I love desperately telling me that he will always love me and doesn’t want to live without me and I am just…dead inside. I saw what hell could be. I endured worse stories than what the mages in circles endured. They were a prisoner in a tower. I was a fucking prisoner in my own head, who still doesn’t quite know if I have the freedom to be…alive. An actual person, or a weapon of war. Cullen didn’t deserve this.

The relief at seeing him and the happiness suddenly evaporated and I was left….empty. Was it that I felt guilty for leaving? That I didn’t deserve to be rescued? Stop. Don’t be this person. The person that people are annoyed with when they are faced with a dilemma. I hated this. Hate. At least I felt that. If only I could channel it at what deserved it.

“I shouldn’t have asked Solas for help,” I whispered to him, knowing that it was the truth. “I put you and the Inquisition in danger. I..I,” I stopped to cough, my chest not used to using so much breath to talk. The weird things your body does when it hasn’t been used in a while. “Don’t tell me I’m wrong, Cullen. I…I don’t deserve you. Or this.”

Cullen shook his head, confusion in his eyes. His voice was strong with passion as he spoke, determined to make me see. “This is the Qun talking. You deserve everything life offers.” I looked away, and he squeezed my hand. “You are Captain King, and you are a force to be reckoned with.” Those words. They reminded me of something. What? Not what. Who. As soon as the memory of my dad telling me those words hit me, I glanced back at Cullen. “I understand how after going through what you went through, you would feel the need to push people away. You can’t push me away. I’m not going anywhere. Okay? I love you. I’m here.”

I nodded, swallowing back my doubts. I can fix this. I can be unbroken, right? Or less broken? I felt another round of coughing coming and I laid back into my pillows, my chest hurting from the force of the cough. Cullen helped adjust me, concern written on his face. I caught a glimpse of waves through a window and I glanced around. We weren’t in a normal room. This was…a captain’s quarters? Were we on a boat? “A boat?”

Cullen glanced around and he gave a nod, smiling slightly. “Feel like home?”

Home? I raised my eyebrows, wondering what he meant. Didn’t I tell him I wasn’t a real captain? The way those gold eyes stared at me, made me remember where home was. How corny, but after everything that happened, I didn’t mind corny. “You’re my home.”

Golden eyebrows raised as his smile lit his face for a second, before he brought me gently to his chest, holding me firmly. I wrapped my arms around him, grabbing onto his shirt, my face buried into his chest. I missed the smell of him. The feeling of safety when he held me. I could do this. I could come back out of this fog. He’s my person. My home. What I fought so hard to get back to.

“There are no words to tell you how worried I was. How desperate I was to find you.” He took a deep breath and his hand went into my hair, holding me closer. “Hearing that you were…that you.” He cleared his throat. “Promise me that you won’t intentionally leave me again? No matter how much danger you think you are putting us in.”

Tilting my head back, I looked up at him, locking eyes. I reached a hand to his face, my eyes devouring every inch of him, lingering on the scar. “I promise,” I told him, meaning it. I suddenly realized that I wasn’t dirty anymore and I smelled like I’ve been washed. I glanced down at my clothing, seeing it was a man’s shirt. “I’m clean?” I wondered aloud.

Cullen chuckled and tucked some hair behind my ear. “I love you,” he whispered. I gave a tentative smile back at him. I was starting to feel tired again and I coughed, my chest hurting from the force of it. Cullen’s smile disappeared, and he laid me down gently, stroking my hair from my forehead. “I’ll fetch Anders so he can help you with your pain. And don’t try arguing about how you don’t have any. I know you too well.”

I tried to smile, but it hurt when I did so. The stitches were going to haunt me the rest of my life. The day I saw those scars in the mirror, I will be a total mess. I just know it. My eyes were getting heavy as I waited for Anders, but I fought it, trying to stay away from the nightmares that will inevitable creep into my dreams. This was a battle that I was going to lose, as my eyes closed in defiance.

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“She is slowly making progress, physically,” Anders spoke softly, thinking I couldn’t hear him. “Mentally, she is…well, she will need time.”

“You don’t give her enough credit,” Cullen replied, defending me. “Maybe some fresh air. Seeing the others. That should boost her mood.”

“Is that wise?” Anders asked hesitantly. “She needs rest and quiet.”

“I’d like air,” I told them, my voice still odd sounding after the months of silence. Both of them quickly turned to me, their faces surprised that I was listening. Cullen’s soft smile was relieved again and Anders studied me.

“I don’t know if that is what you need,” Anders told me. “Especially since…” He went quiet, staring at me. “We need to talk.”

I tried to rearrange myself on the bed, sitting up, thinking that this wasn’t going to be a casual conversation. Cullen came to me, helping me sit up, arranging pillows behind me. He sat in the chair next to the bed, glancing back at Anders.

Anders came to the bed, glancing down at me. “You’ve been out for another two days.” I glanced at him confused. Two days? I just closed my eyes. “Kassy, I know this will be difficult to remember and relive, but, can tell me how much lyrium they were giving you?”

I felt the terror at thinking about how the lyrium process went. Food, water, lyrium, abuse. I blinked a couple times, trying to clear my head and think. Cullen grabbed my hand, giving it a squeeze. “I know it’s difficult love. We understand if you don’t-.”

“I…,” I glanced over at him, seeing the understanding in his eyes. He knew how difficult it is to relive these type of memories. The ones including torture. I swallowed and turned back Anders, shaking my head. “I don’t know how much a dose of lyrium was. Those times…the lyrium times.” I licked my lips, looking down at my hand that was playing with the blanket in anxiousness. “It was always the same time every day. He usually had it…umm…it was in vials.” I closed my eyes, the memories clear as if I was there again. The blue shining in the clear vials. I opened them again and felt the shakiness in my voice. I searched the cabin, landing on a medium sized vial of clear liquid. “Like that,” I told Anders gesturing to it.

Anders went to where I was gesturing, picking up the vial. “This large?” He asked me, and he shared a look with Cullen. I watched the silent exchange, suddenly scared. Cullen seemed furious as he looked at the vial and he glanced down at me. “This was daily?” He asked, and I nodded. “For how long?”

“I…I don’t know. A week or so after I got there? Time wasn’t really a thing when I was there.” I took a deep breath, trying to keep away the fear. “A couple weeks before you came, Sten doubled it.”

Anders froze and he put a hand to his forehead before glancing at Cullen. “I understand now.” His brown eyes turned to me. “Kassy, your body has been having severe withdrawals, sending you into a sleep.” My brows furrowed and I glanced between the two of them in confusion. “Your mind doesn’t want to experience the amount of pain from the withdrawal, so it sends you to sleep so you don’t remember or feel the attacks.”

“I don’t understand,” I told him. “Isn’t that a good thing?” Rather be passed out then feeling what Cullen does during his withdrawals. Wait, did he say I was out for a couple days? I was that bad? How much lyrium was too much? Lyrium. The thought of it had me craving. I took a deep breath, trying to focus. Don’t think about how much you want it.

“You were having seizures and talking incoherently,” he began to explain. He moved a bit closer, making me feel as if I should be very concerned. Not that seizures weren’t a bad thing, but…I’ve had worse. “The withdrawal time have been getting longer. First it was hours. Then days. It could be a week next.”

I stared at him in confusion. “What are you saying exactly Anders? Get to the point.” I was short tempered and tired again.

“Well, to be to the point, you either can take lyrium or not. What do you want?” He shared a look with Cullen and then focused on me. Keep taking lyrium? That’s a possibility?

“Do we even have any?” I asked, my voice hopeful and I didn’t care. My body craved it. Called to it. I felt my blood sing at the mention of taking it. Having it touch my lips. How long has it been since I’ve had it?

“There is a potential to get some,” Cullen confirmed, briefly glancing at Anders. Anders studied my face, his arms crossing.

“Kassy, the amount of lyrium they have been giving you, could be deadly if you continue to take that amount. Your body will crave it with even the slightest amount. To satisfy it, you will need the normal dosage.” He took a breath. “Breaking the habit is the best idea. It will be hard, and potentially deadly, but is the better option.”

I knew he was right, but the lyrium called to me. I shook my head and looked away from him. “So, I could die in both scenarios?” Anders nodded. I turned to look at Cullen, his eyes reading me. He sighed, looking down at our hands, shaking his head.

“Can we have some privacy?” Cullen asked, and Anders nodded leaving the room. Cullen stood running his hand through his hair. “I know the position you are in. The call of lyrium. The way you feel after being denied it for so long.” He glanced at me and his eyes were haunted. “I remember the blood mages denying me it.” I knew this. I knew he understood the agony of being denied lyrium. “I’ve seen what lyrium does to people. Powerful. Fulfilled.” He focused on me. “The decision to stop taking lyrium wasn’t easy. Every day is a struggle and sometimes…well, you have witnessed the effects of withdrawals.” He gripped my hand tighter and brought it closer to him. “I will be there for every attack you have if you choose to stay away from it.”

Thoughts flew around my mind as he talked, and the biggest one was there might be some lyrium on this boat. The beast in me wanted to get my hands on some so badly. I glanced up at Cullen, feeling confusion at everything. “I want to do what I know is best, and not drink it. To cut off the hold they put on me.” I blinked back some tears as I turned my eyes down to my hand, picking at the blanket. I knew that this was going to be a hard choice and I wasn’t completely set in it, doubt in the back of my mind. “What if I can’t be as strong as you? What if I…I give in to the lyrium?” My voice cracked and was quiet.

Cullen’s reaction was shocked. He put a hand on my chin, leveling my eyes with his. “You are one of the strongest people I’ve met. You’ve survived the Fade, a demon, and the Qun.” His tone was insistent. “Kassandra King, you are a force to be reckoned with.”

I blinked a couple times, taking in what he said. I hesitantly sat up more and slowly leaned toward him, a hand going to his face. I gently pressed my lips to his and I felt the spark hit that happened the first time we kissed. The connection between the two of us. It lit a fire in me. A flame to help fuel the fire to keep living and put what I could back together. To trust the others when they say they want to help me. To figure out how to feel again. This kiss was a start to that. A big start.

I could tell Cullen was restraining himself from pulling me in and I broke the kiss, leaning my forehead against his. “I missed you. So much,” I whispered. Cullen’s relieved grin made my stomach flutter. We sat for a minute in comfortable silence before I felt the boat sway from a wave. “Help me with some fresh air?”

Cullen nodded, leaving me to grab some clothing from a trunk. I threw back the blanket feeling the air hit my bare legs. I tentatively moved my legs to the side of the bed with effort. Then slowly, I carefully put weight on my legs, hoping that they would stand the weight. I let out an exclamation as I fell, landing on my butt.

“Kassy,” Cullen said, going over to help me up. He sat me on the edge of the bed, checking me over to make sure I was alright. “Are you alright?” He continued to search me. I nodded and he sighed, grabbing the clothes next to him. He helped me put on my pants and boots, before throwing a coat on me. The coat seemed like one I’ve seen Hawke wear and I wondered if it was from Kirkwall. Hawke. I should talk to him. I remember him holding me, carrying me back to the safety of the camp.

Cullen held out his arm and had me balance on it, letting me try to walk myself. I felt grateful for this, knowing that he knew me well enough to know that I wanted to use my muscles. It was a slow process to the door, but I smiled at him in triumph as he opened the door.

The sea air hit my face and I inhaled it, closing my eyes, filling my lungs. I moved a foot forward and opened my eyes, taking in the scene before me. Men were scrambling on deck fulfilling tasks and I spotted Hawke and Anders talking by the railing. I saw some crates next to the railing and I saw Varric near it, writing. That was where I wanted to be. Quiet and peaceful.

“By Varric,” I told Cullen and he started heading toward there, making sure he wasn’t going too fast for me. It was a struggle walking so far, and I was getting out of breath. I took walking for granted before. Anders glanced over at us, and Hawke followed Anders’ gaze, smiling at me once he saw me walking. I gripped Cullen’s arm harder and fell onto the crate, amazed at the energy it took to get there.

“Curly,” Hawke called and Cullen glanced down at me.

“I’ll be fine,” I told him, giving his arm a squeeze. “Honestly,” I assured him, nodding my head toward Hawke.

“I’ll be back,” he informed me, glancing over his shoulder at me as he walked away. I glanced over the railing at the sea, letting the mist hit my face lightly. I never have been on a ship like this, but it’s exactly what I’ve dreamed of. I pictured me in a captain hat and coat, shouting orders.

I was this far away. Enough for them to have to find a boat. How did they find a boat? Who else came with Cullen and Hawke to save me? Obviously, Anders and Varric. I glanced over at Varric, who was glancing up from his writing at me. I met his eyes and he seemed to understand me without having to say a word.

“Glad to see you up, Prophet,” Varric told me. His eyes focused on my lips and I knew he was looking at my scars. I felt self-conscious about them, knowing they would mark me forever.

“Thanks to you guys,” I retorted, glancing at his writing. “New book?”

Varric glanced down at his paper, smiling up at me. “Thought that everything we have been through since you came here, should be written down.”

“Like your book about Hawke? So, we are all in it?” I asked him, wondering what the story would be through Varric’s eyes.

“Even a saucy feisty, well-endowed pirate captain?” A woman with brown hair and low-cut shirt stood behind Varric, looking at Varric’s paper over his shoulder. “People always love when characters return in sequels.”

Wait…pirate captain? I ran through the characters from the game. I knew in Origins there was that pirate that came to the inn and wanted to sleep with Alistair. What was her name…didn’t Sarah say she was in Dragon Age II? I searched my brain and studied her, taking her in. She seemed fun. She seemed like the person I would want to be. She is what I based my characters on. Isabela! That’s her name.

“Don’t worry, Rivaini. You’ll be mentioned.” Varric grinned at her, setting down his pen. His eyes darted to me quickly before looking over at me. “Prophet here is a captain as well.”

Isabela took me in, her eyes filled with pity, probably knowing my situation. “Captain? Hawke failed to mention that when asking for my help. Not that I wouldn’t do anything for that man…or with that man.” She smiled at me, her hands going to her hips. “You are different than I expected.”

I raised an eyebrow at her. “Sorry,” I apologized quietly, feeling shy in front of her. This was the woman that has stood up to the Arishok and did something to piss him off. That’s all I remember Sarah telling me.

“Sorry?” Isabela asked, laughing. “I thought the last Arishok was a bastard, who knew the new one was more brutal? Anyone that survived that deserves respect and other things.”

I hardened up, staring at her. I didn’t want to think about Sten. I didn’t want to think about everything that happened. Relive it again. “I’ll have to take your word on it,” I replied, glancing up at the upper deck of the boat, spotting Dorian.

Dorian smiled at me, his grin big and relieved. I felt myself start to hyperventilate as I saw the big Qunari next to him. I gripped the railing, fear going into my chest. They found me. “I’m Saarebas,” I whispered, and my eyes met his. He smiled at me and I felt a chill down my spine.

“Prophet,” Varric said sharply. I felt a hand on my shoulder and I glanced over, seeing Hawke.

“It’s only Iron Bull,” he assured me, placing the other hand on my other shoulder. “He’s a friend. He won’t hurt you. Remember.” I felt tears in my eyes, but I nodded, remembering Bull. I felt embarrassed at my reaction and guilty, I wiped an eye and Hawke turned to Varric. “Why don’t you and Isabela get Dorian? I know he’s been anxious to see her,” Hawke said.

Hawke focused on me. “Hey Captain,” he said softly. I glanced up at him, embarrassed. “I would have reacted the same way.”

“I react to him that way all the time,” Zevran assured me and I glanced over to see him. Zevran was there. Did he see Sten?

I held his eyes. “You came even though you knew it was Sten?” I asked, my heart filling.

“You are my friend, no?” He replied and glanced down at the crate and back at me. “Sten and I used to be friends, but…he has changed. Or maybe it was I that changed. Either way, we aren’t like how we used to be.”

“Thank you,” I whispered to him, then turned to Hawke. “Both of you.”

I heard someone clear their throat and Dorian stood there, his eyes filling with relieved tears. My own started to tear up and the other two knew that they would have their time later. “Did you get better looking since I left?”

“I stay equally as attractive with every day. You however, could use some work.” He sat on the crate next to me, giving a slight smile.

“I’m sorry,” I told him, not knowing where to begin. “I....you…”

“Say no more. All is forgiven.” He assessed me, taking me all in. “He went crazy looking for you. We all did.” I focused on my hands, playing with my fingers. “I’m not even going to bother asking if you are alright. I know you aren’t. Did you want to talk about it?” I shook my head. “What about sing? I know you are partial to it.”

I glanced up at him, not even knowing where to begin. I was numb to knowing what to talk about. I was…singing? There wasn’t a song that came into my head and we both sat, looking at the sea. The silence wasn’t uncomfortable and I felt his occasional glances, knowing he deserved something from me.

 _“I hurt myself today. To see if I still feel. I focus on the pain. The only thing that's real. The needle tears a hole. The old familiar sting. Try to kill it all away. But I remember everything. What have I become? My sweetest friend.”_ Dorian turned to me with sadness in his eyes. “ _Everyone I know goes away, in the end. And you could have it all. My empire of dirt. I will let you down. I will make you hurt.”_

I felt tears falling from onto my cheeks as I softly sang, focusing on the sea. “ _I wear this crown of thorns. Upon my liar's chair. Full of broken thoughts, I cannot repair.”_ I ran a hand through my hair, closing my eyes. _“Beneath the stains of time. The feelings disappear. You are someone else. I am still right here. What have I become? My sweetest friend. Everyone I know goes away, in the end. And you could have it all. My empire of dirt. I will let you down. I will make you hurt.”_ My voice started to fade as I got closer to the end, not used to the strain on my vocals like this. “ _If I could start again, a million miles away. I would keep myself, I would find a way.”_

Dorian reached over and patted my hand before glancing back at the ocean. Neither of us needing words, knowing exactly what the other was thinking. The boat swayed, and I got lost in my thoughts and memories, thinking on how I could start picking up the pieces. You are Captain King. You are Saarebas. You are strong. Maker’s breath, help me be strong.

 

 


	24. Chapter Twenty Four

**I do not own any characters. They all belong to those people that made the characters and work at Bioware. Love to my beta reader Eruya. Loving the song suggestions, reviews, follows, and favorites! You guys are amazing! Will be updating more frequently and plan on doing a Holiday chapter coming this weekend! Hope you enjoy this chapter! Rated M for language and lemons.**

Chapter 24

If I thought that this would be easy, I was very wrong. If I thought that life could be what it used to be, I was very wrong. I never thought that there was a pain worse than what I endured with the Qun, but lyrium withdrawals have proven otherwise. Anders was right, the withdrawals were going to kill me. I was a different person since the boat. I was almost crazy. And yet, I have yet to use a mirror. To see the physical damage done as others do.

I glanced down at the body that I hardly recognized. I was used to seeing more of me and I was thinner and less muscle. All those months of training, gone. I would have to train hard and long to even get halfway to where I was. I wanted to hold a sword, but Anders told me to take it slow and that training wasn’t an option. I would have plenty of time later. Once I was mentally and physically healed. I had to wonder though, does one mentally recover from what happened? I was forever going to be a Saarebas. A slave to the Qun. Even if I was mostly the woman I used to be, a part of my mind will remember the Qun and the words they preached to me every day. They were branded there, forever.

The physical damage done didn’t help. Forget how my body looked, the scars and the ugly bruises. I couldn’t walk very far without getting winded. I couldn’t hold books for long, let alone a sword. I was officially useless. I never was a warrior or the star student, but I at least could hold my own and made great strides from when I first started. To be seen as weak, hurt. To be pitied was frustrating, and to see the side glances was infuriating.

I sat on the boulder near camp, holding the mirror that Isabela gave me. She told me to look in private, without an audience. I couldn’t do it though. I was a coward. No matter what others say, I am not brave. A brave person would take a deep breath and look, then except the fact that you don’t look like how you used to. That you would never look the way you used to. That eventually, Cullen would be disgusted from the scars and find someone as attractive as himself to be with.

“You can’t stay out here forever,” Hawke said from a nearby tree. He leaned against it, crossing his arms against his chest, his ankles crossed. “Being alone makes people feel pity for themselves. You aren’t one to wallow in it, but it’s an easy slip from a moment of it to drowning in it.” He uncrossed his arms and walked slowly to me, sitting next to me on the boulder. “You are strong. You know that right?”

I sighed, looking over at him. “I’ve been told that a lot lately,” I answered, kicking a clump of dirt with my boot. “You on suicide watch?” I asked him, running a hand through my hair. I saw the scars on my wrists from the ropes and I touched them gently with my fingertips. He cleared his throat and glanced up at the nearest tree.

“You’ve been through a lot, and you haven’t exactly talked about it with anyone. Besides Dorian,” he answered, his voice tinged with a bit of jealousy. I glanced over at him, but he shook his head. “I know. I also know how easy it is to feel like it was easier to die than keep going with no family and an enormous amount of horrible memories.”

I took a deep breath, thinking about what he said. “Suicide never crossed my mind,” I began, glancing up into his eyes. “I…I…,” I hesitated, trying to figure out how to explain to him what I felt. “Here, in this world, bad things seem to be worse than I could imagine. I mean, I’m sure they can happen where I am from, but not as easily. I’ve…I’ve been sheltered my whole life.”

I pulled my jacket around me more, glancing down at my feet. “I can’t explain how I feel, Hawke. I don’t…” I took a deep breath and sat in silence for a minute. “It was just a song. For Dorian, I only sang him a song.” I stood up, filling my lungs with the fresh air, squeezing the mirror in my hand, before handing it to him. “I still can’t look.”

Hawke glanced at the mirror, then back up at me, his fingers curling around the mirror. “For you, songs speak louder than your words.” He sighed, thinking about what to say next. “This mirror,” he shook the mirror in his hand. “This mirror is your next step.” He took a step toward me. “It’s the next step to healing. Alone or with someone…you need to see the reality. What’s the worst that can happen?”

I heard my heartbeat in my ears and his words replayed in my head. You’re still changed. You’re not dead but almost feel like you were. Bryan Adams played in my mind and I felt a catch in my breath from how related I felt to those lyrics. I leaned against the tree nearest to me, covering my eyes with my hand. _“Sound the bugle now. Play it just for me.”_ I ran the hand down my face and crossed my arms across my chest, my eyes meeting his. His eyes knew my pain, but in a different way. “ _As the seasons change, remember how I used to be. Now I can't go on, I can't even start. I've got nothing left, just an empty heart.”_

I glanced over at the camp, the tents keeping people out of the cold of the winter. “ _I'm a soldier: wounded so I must give up the fight. There's nothing more for me, lead me away...Or leave me lying here. Sound the bugle now. Tell them I don't care. There's not a road I know that leads to anywhere. Without a light I fear that I will stumble in_ _the dark. Lay right down. Decide not to go on.”_ My voice broke and I was embarrassed from my shaky voice. It wasn’t at all like how it used to be, and I hated it.

There was a figure outside of a tent, and the sun shone on it, blonde hair looking my direction. I gave a small smile, noticing that I was never out of his sight. “ _Then from on high somewhere in the distance. There's a voice that calls, "Remember who you are. If you lose yourself your courage soon will follow. So be strong tonight. Remember who you are." You're a soldier now fighting in a battle. To be free once more. Yeah, that's worth fighting for.”_

I felt my chest flow with realization that fighting to be better for that man has always been my goal. Even with the Qun, surviving for that man was what kept me going. I loved him so much. He was my inspiration to heal and put this behind me. I knew he was waiting patiently for me to talk to him about everything. If I was going to tell anyone about the Qun, it would be him. Over time I’d tell him everything.

I didn’t realize that I had a couple tears on my cheeks and I was so sick of this crying crap. No wonder people were treating me like a glass doll. Hawke placed a hand on my shoulder and I turned to him, looking at what he offered me in his hand. I closed my fingers around it, letting out a deep breath. “You’ve got this,” he told me, patting my shoulder. “One step.”

Clearing my throat, I nodded and glanced back up at the camp, no longer seeing Cullen’s figure. Time to do this. It’s been a week already. A whole boat ride and no courage to look into a stupid piece of glass. I needed to do this. I needed to accept what happened. To accept that it was real. To see what I have been avoiding.

I took my time walking to camp, not able to walk this distance without getting out of breath. I stopped for a moment, glancing around. The camp was quiet, everyone anxious to get back to Skyhold. Winter was starting to hit us, the wind cold and piercing, even without the snow. The air smelled of snow and I was hoping that there might be some soon. That was always my favorite time of year. When fresh snow fell.

I noticed Dorian and Bull sitting next to a fire and as much as I hated it, I still feel a moment of panic when I see the horns. Zevran was sharpening a dagger, catching his eye when he glanced up, winking at me. I felt myself blush a little and looked over at where Varric was laughing with Anders. I never thought I would see this again, people living their everyday lives. My people living their everyday lives. My people.

Moving the flap to my tent, I walked in, sitting down on my bed roll. It was odd not seeing the map set up as it typically was in Cullen’s tent. It was only our bed rolls right now. No maps. No weapons. No lute. Just the basics. I leaned over and lit the lamp with my magic, feeling wrong about it. It was odd having the ability to do it so naturally. It came without thinking lately. Probably rebelling for not using it for so long.

I adjusted myself, sitting cross legged on the bedroll. You can do this. You are Captain King. You got this. Taking a deep breath, I slowly held up the mirror, dreading what I’ll see in the reflection. My heart hammered in my chest as I saw my face in the glass, so different from the one I used to look at daily at home. I couldn’t help the anger and tears in my eyes as I slowly went over every inch of my face, recognizing an old scar on my forehead, but that was it.

My eyes weren’t even my own, sunken and black bagged. The blue seemed darker and more vibrant, making me seem lost. I wandered on the scars where the mask sat, cutting into my skin when I was thrown or hit. Months of it rubbing the top of my cheeks raw. There was the scar from the wraith from the fortress.

I felt a groan escape me as I looked at my mouth. Dots lined it from where it was sutured shut. I touched them lightly, thinking it looked like a cosplay. They weren’t though. They were…they were real. I felt the shuddering in my hands and then it made my way to my chest, leaving me with sobs. To be so vain to cry about my face. To have everyone see me with these marks. I don’t care if they are reminders of my strength. Fuck strength. They were memories. Horrible reminders of the days I spent in chains, told I was a freak. That I didn’t belong in the natural order of life. That I was a danger to myself and others around me.

The headache that hit me, was fast and strong. I gasped, grabbing my head. No. This was like…no. He was gone. He was…wasn’t he?” _Lyrium,”_ a voice hissed. Fuck this. No. I reached down grabbing the bedroll with one hand and gripping my hair with the other. I felt the craving coming on, gnawing at me, urging me to find some. Right now. I felt the pain in my chest start and I began panting, trying to catch my breath. Lyrium would fix this. This would all go away with it. My heart was beating erratically in my chest, and the pain in my stomach exploded, causing me agony. I felt my eyes close and start to roll back, but I fought it, forcing them open.

This pain was worst then the last attack and the scream that came from me seemed unreal, and from somewhere else. I fell backward onto my bedroll, my body spasming. I heard my name being said and my legs and shoulders being held as the spasms took over again. I glanced over, terrified at the way my body was out of my control. My pain intensified again, and I heard the screech repeat itself.  Cullen was holding my shoulders, saying my name and looking over at the person holding my legs. The spasm began to stop but the pain continued.

I felt them release me and I looked up at Cullen, tears pouring from my eyes. “Lyrium,” I gasped, holding back a yell. “Please,” I cried. My back arched and I reached out to hold onto Cullen’s arm, with the new wave of pain and fever. “Just a little bit! Now! Please, Cullen.” I heard the desperateness in my voice.

Cullen smoothed back the hair from my forehead, saying my name. I knew it hurt him to see me like this. “You can do this, Kassy.”

I shook my head, biting my lip from the pain. Shit, I needed it. I needed it so badly. I couldn’t do it. Just give me the fuckin lyrium! “Lyrium,” I growled. “I need it. Please, Cullen.”

He shook his head, letting go of my shoulders. I saw the decisiveness in his tone and knew he wouldn’t budge. “We discussed this, you said-.”

“No,” I spat through the pain in my stomach and chest. I felt the anger in me and I glared at the men. My breathing was ragged. I needed lyrium. I needed to feel the cool liquid touch on my lips and the way it slowly dripped down my throat. The way it instantly made me feel a rush of energy before making my blood hum. I needed that. I wanted to feel like a weapon. At this instant, I craved that part of being a Saarebas. Where was the Arishok? Where was the Qunari? “I’ll join the Qun.” I told them, sitting up. “Saarebas will fight for you.” I gasped and closed my eyes, my nails digging into my legs. “Lyrium.”

Hands fell onto my shoulders and I opened my eyes, flinching away from the touch. “I’ll be a good Saarebas,” I told the blonde man. His gold eyes filled with pity and he glanced over at the man with the half pony tail. “Tell the Arishok.” I tried to let them see I was genuine. “Anything for the lyrium! I”ll be your weapon.”

“She’s delirious,” the man told the blonde. “These withdrawals are getting worse and worse.”

Whiskey eyes observed me, and I felt the sweat beading on my forehead. “Please,” I sobbed. “Please. Just tell him.” The man slowly reached out a hand, and I flinched away slightly, before it softly cupped my cheek. I held his gaze, my breathing harsh and deep.

“Come back to me,” he whispered, and I stared at him in confusion. “You’re here, with me. Come back to me, Kassy.” I blinked a couple times, my breathing slowing down, but the sobs escaped with the still lingering pain.

“Make it stop,” I begged him, and I reached up to grab his hand. “Kill me or give me lyrium. Do whatever you have to do to make it stop.” His hand was rough from years of training. He pulled me into his chest and I curled into him, feeling his heat pouring into me. “Please,” I whimpered.  He held me, shushing me, repeating that I would be okay. The sobs started coming slower and I felt the urge lessen. The hiccups started from the crying and I opened my eyes, noticing Anders left.

“Kassy?” Cullen asked softly, and I raised my head to look up at him. “Did you come back to me?”

I felt the pieces of the puzzle click together and I understood what he was asking me. I sniffed and wiped my eyes. “Yes,” I said quietly. “I came back.” His eyes warmed a little and he let out a sigh of relief, putting his hand in my hair. “I’ll always come back,” I assured him. He kissed my forehead and I glanced up at him, the after sobs still sporadically coming on. He held me tight against him, helping me ride out the last of my withdrawal. I grunted in discomfort as a wave of pain hit and he rubbed my back. “Distract me.”

Cullen took a deep breath, his constant movement on my back comforting. “Story or song?” He asked, and I was surprised singing was an option.

“You sing?” I asked him, letting out breath through my teeth. I glanced up at his face and saw his concern. I remembered the brief moment in game when you heard him sing The Dawn will Come. “Sing,” I told him. I clenched my teeth and grabbed his fur. “Hurry before I start begging for lyrium again.”

He nodded, his touch still on my back and hair. “ _Hold me close and hold me fast. This magic spell you cast. This is la vie en rose.”_ His voice was strong and sure, and I instantly felt a bit of relief. I kept close to him, feeling the hum in his chest. I focused on it, trying to push the pain away. _“When you kiss me heaven sighs, and though I close my eyes, I see la vie en rose. When you press me to your heart, I’m in a world apart, a world where roses bloom.”_ Gradually, I felt the pain ebb away and I was able to start thinking clearly, the pain a dull roar in the background. _“And when you speak angels sing from above, everyday words seem to turn into love songs.”_ I lifted my blue eyes to find his gold ones already on me. I couldn’t help but stare at him in awe, his voice hypnotizing. He once tried to tell me that he was always pulled in with my voice, but I doubt it was ever like this. He put a hand on my cheek and all I could think about was him and his voice. “ _Give your heart and soul to me, and life will always be, la vie en rose.”_

I felt my breathing even out and the pain was almost non-existing. I held his gaze, both of us just staring at each other, remembering how we used to be, but knowing it was different. I slowly reached up, pulling his hand down and glancing at how they entwined. “You have an amazing voice,” I told him. He chuckled and moved his other hand to my hair. The movement had me focusing on his face again.

“How are you feeling?” He studied me, trying to see if I was still in pain. I felt the sudden urge to kiss him, to hold him. To have him hold me.

“I almost forgot you,” I began, not knowing what exactly was coming out of my mouth. I just knew that I needed to tell him my fears and thoughts. I needed to tell some-one and he was my person. I would only be hurting him by keeping it to myself. There is only so much strong a person can be before it breaks them. Cullen shook his head in confusion and he started going into Commander mode. It was instinctive for him I was learning. “Every day I…” I let go of his hand. “Trying to remember, the beginning, it is all a blur.”

“There’s no need, love,” Cullen informed me, realizing what I was doing. I shook my head, feeling the memories take over, becoming clearer and clearer. Every second. Every moment.

I tried to calm my mind and think of what to say next. “Every day, I told myself to keep fighting. Not for myself, but for you.” I grabbed Cullen’s hand with both of mine, the strength of his bringing comfort. “You were the reason that I didn’t give up. That I didn’t give into death or the Qun.” Cullen took a hand away putting it under my chin to lift my face to look at him. I felt the tears in my eyes. “I tried to remember you. To get back to you.” My voice broke and I swallowed hard. “I didn’t recognize you, Cullen. I didn’t know it was you when you rescued me.”

He tried to shush me, pulling me into a tight hug. I took in his smell and the solidness of him. “You were beaten every day. Drugged and deprived of food and water. They tried to break you, and you held on. It would make any of us forget after being exposed to months of that kind of torture.”

I sniffed, leaning away from him, wiping my cheeks from the tears that stained them earlier. I watched him reach over and grab the mirror nearby, observing me. I gave him an ashamed look. “I can’t recognize the woman in the mirror,” I told him. “I don’t know how you keep looking at them.” I gestured to my scars along my lips.

Cullen sat in silence for a moment, his eyes hurt for a second. “You might not recognize yourself in the mirror, but I do.” He told me, his voice was determined to make me understand. “Those scars tell your story. Love, you are one of the rare people that escape the Qunari, especially as a Saarebas.”

I rolled my eyes, playing with a piece of his fur. “Are you going to tell me how strong I am now?”

He grinned at me, leaning his forehead against mine. “You are.”

I put my hands up in his hair and let out a small chuckle. “I’m not the one who never stopped searching for me. Even when everyone thought I was a goner. I…you are the most amazing man to ever live on the earth. You know that right?”

He laughed and the sound of it had the warm glow in my chest return. “I wasn’t going to stop until I had you safe at Skyhold.”

“Take me home, Lion,” I told him, tears starting to well in my eyes. “Take me home.”

Sad;lfdsaklfjdsalkfj

There is always that feeling you get, when you finally arrive at a situation you have been dreaming about for days. The day when you picture the smell, the sounds. Everything. Even the conversations. It never goes how you picture it would. It typically goes in the opposite direction. I used to think that it was a disappointment for only me, but today was beginning to show me that everyone’s expectations were being let down.

Cullen sat behind me as we rode up to the gate of Skyhold, almost home. He had everyone arranged so that we would ride in last so there wouldn’t be a scene, if any. I didn’t think there would be people waiting for my arrival. The ones who missed me most were already by my side, willing to go to the heart of the Qun to rescue me.

The air was bitter cold, and I loved the way the fresh cold air cleared my lungs and head. I knew that I would be stared at. I knew that people were expecting the bard back. They would have to wait a long time for that. For me to be with so many people at once. Even now, it felt unreal riding through the doors of Skyhold.

I tried to keep my shoulders back and stand straight, like when I first came to Skyhold, but I knew it was pointless. I instantly felt my hand tighten its pressure in Cullen’s causing him to glance at me in concern. I kept my gaze straight, fighting the urge to melt into his chest and disappear. I feared what they would think. The others in the inner circle upset that I left. The occupants of Skyhold viewing me as a freak with my scars.

I kept my breathing in control, thinking that it didn’t matter. You have Cullen right beside you. I have been making sure that he wasn’t out of sight, or that someone was always there. Someone that I trusted that is. You never know if Arishok sent his crew out to get me, like they do for Iron Bull. My eyes flitted to Bull’s horns and I told myself to talk to him later. I haven’t talked to him since the boat. Even then, I was nervous the whole time and felt my heart beat fast in fear. He avoided talking to me since, making sure that he wasn’t a threat to me. He was Iron Bull though, he never was a threat, yet my brain kept trying to tell me differently.

“Love?” Cullen asked, and my eyes went to his worried ones.

“I’ll be okay,” I assured him, trying to force a believable smile on my face. “Just don’t let go of my hand.”

He squeezed my hand and nodded, so many thoughts showing on his face. I felt the guiltiest about that. That he wouldn’t have the woman he fell in love with back. That he would only have a shadow of her. It wasn’t fair, was it? Stop. This is the Qun and Nightmare talking. You will get back to being you. Or mostly you. You a force remember?

There was no grand entrance as we crossed into the safety of the castle. Snow covered the ground and people were going about their day, like any other one. Only a few stopped to glance as we began our ride into the courtyard, following the path to the stairs. When eyes landed on me, they did double takes, and I avoided my eyes from the stares. It would be awhile before the ogling stopped.

Whispers filled the air and soon there were groups of people, trying to catch a glimpse of me. I kept chanting to myself to be strong and to not let their gawking bother you. I didn’t want them to know that I was as broken as I was. That it was a struggle picking up the pieces, but I would put them together. They would see. Eventually, the scars will be apart of me and who I am. Still, every time I looked at them in the mirror, I would see the memories of how I got them. The day I was made into a Saarebas.

I wondered why we were going to the main hall and I didn’t know if I was ready to see Branwen. Last time I saw her, she was telling me to stay. I caused her to derail from the cause and lose many companions on the search for me. I felt the anxiety rising in my chest. She hated me, I just knew it.

As we got the bottom of the staircase, Cullen called to Hawke and Varric. “Get the others for a meeting in the war room, immediately.”

Wait? All of them? I didn’t…right away? I looked at Cullen in panic as he lifted me down from the horse, not wanting to do this right away. “I don’t know if…”

Cullen stopped and brought his hands to my shoulders. “I’m going to bring you up to the Inquisitor’s quarter and have a bath brought in. Are you going to be okay being alone that long?”

I sighed in relief, loving that he knew what I needed without saying it. “I’ll be okay? No Qun coming into the room to kill me or kidnap me?”

I saw pity and worry in Cullen’s eyes and he shook his head. “I’ll make sure to tighten the patrol and have more scouts stationed around Skyhold. You’ll be safe. I promise.” He pulled up the hood of my coat, hiding most of my face with it’s largeness.

I nodded, taking a deep breath to center myself. He reached down for my hand again and we headed up the stairs, the first couple steps already too much. I forgot how many stairs led up to the Main Hall. It was almost ridiculous. I heard the wheezing in my breath as I watched Cullen climb the stairs. I never experienced the view I got of him back here. It almost helped me forget the pain that stabbed me in my legs and every breath.

This is what months of no physical activity gets me. Can’t even climb the fucking stairs to get a bath. I felt the muscles in my legs quiver and I fell onto my knees. Hurry. Get back up. I pushed up on my palms but felt a wave a dizziness as soon as I tried.

“Cullen,” I called out of breath. Cullen was already down beside me as I fell, and he was examining me to make sure I was alright. He assessed the situation and helped me stand up.

 “You aren’t going to make it up the stairs, are you?” He asked quietly, and I shook my head.

“I’m sorry,” I apologized, embarrassed. “I thought I could.” He glanced around, before lifting me up into his arms. “I promise, I won’t make this into a habit. You carrying me everywhere.”

He smirked at me and rolled his eyes. “It’s not like you are doing this on purpose.” His eyes went darker and I felt butterflies in my stomach. “Besides, I like feeling you in my arms.”

It was early evening and there weren’t many souls wandering the corridor, which helped ease my anxiety as his footsteps echoed in the hall. A few glanced up from their tasks, glancing away, used to seeing the Commander make his way to the Inquisitor’s room.

He reached down to open the door to Branwen’s stairway and I put a had on his chest to stop him. “I thought you wanted to avoid the others?”

I thought I could do that, but I knew that I wouldn’t be able to. The wondering if the Qun would attack unexpectedly would haunt me the whole time. I didn’t want to be dependent on him bringing me back down the stairs. It would be too long alone with my worries.

Alone or with people? I kept my gaze on the door not knowing how to explain that seeing all of them would be too much right now. “Last time I saw her, I asked her to give you a necklace and jumped through a portal,” I explained. “After her and Dorian asked me not to.” There would be two different ways this can go. Relief or anger. If it was me, it would be both. “I just…never thought I would be seeing any of you again.”

 “Commander,” Dorian said, glancing at us both, before realizing something was wrong. He must have heard what I told Cullen. I felt myself blush in embarrassment as Dorian gave me a look of pity. “Perhaps I could stay out here with her, while you go inform the others of the situation.”

“They’ll stare,” I told Dorian and he raised his eyebrows in amusement, looking over at the people that were occupying the hall.

“Yes,” he stated. “I suppose they will.” He glanced around, and his eyes rested on the throne before going to a table by us. “We shall hide in shadows over at that table.”

It was the table at the front of the hall, closest to the throne. He was right, it was mostly in shadows there, easy to blend in and not be obvious. “Kass?” Cullen asked, waiting for me to decide and I nodded, giving my approval. Dorian led the way and Cullen set me down in the chair, concern on his face. “I won’t be long, I promise.”

I gave a small smile up at him, pressing his hand to my lips. “I’ll keep you to that,” I told him, not wanting to let go of his hand. “I’m sorry, again, Cullen.”

Cullen shook his head, his gold eyes holding my blue. “Stop that. No more apologies.” I nodded, and he squeezed my hand before glancing over at Dorian. “Thank you,” he said quietly, and Dorian nodded slightly before rolling his eyes at me, making me smile.

“Of course, Commander,” he responded, waving his hand. “Now go before everyone strategizes why they are standing in a room together.”

Cullen nodded, looking like he didn’t want to be separated from me either. He strutted to Josephine’s office, and disappeared behind the door. I felt the anxiety tick kick in and my foot tapped without meaning to, keeping my troubles at bay. I felt protected in my hood as I watched Cassandra strut in, her focus on her destination. Wow. She hasn’t changed at all.

“You seem to be lost in thought,” the Tevinter’s voice breaking my thoughts. “You should leave the analyzing to the researchers,” Dorian said, and my gaze was back on him.

His grey eyes were warm and up for some playful banter. “I suppose so,” I replied, my fingers drumming on the table. I gave him a nervous half smile. “But I’m just human. Can’t stop these thoughts.” I tried to convey how bad I still felt at leaving them all and going through the portal.

Dorian leaned back in his chair a little, pondering this, his eyes processing many thoughts and emotions. “Yes, we are. Being human, we sometimes lose our own opportunity to look at the world, and we try to bleed deeper into our own greedy ways, as to only advance ourselves. As a result, we forget those who we thought of along the way.” His eyes darkened and he glanced down at the table in thought. “It is our way of blocking out the pain, but when we take a look at things that are dear, shall we look at their happiness, or our own?” He leaned forward onto the table, glancing up and observing me, earnest in his voice.

“In the end, our selfishness can overcome our intentions, even if they were meant for the betterment of others around us. The fact that we tried to change something that wasn’t supposed or wished not to be altered, is just a symbol of our darkness, and look for our light’s origin point, for then, we can put a lease on our shadows, and tell them that their time is up.” His face had a bit of darkness cross over before it shifted back to the Dorian I usually see. He placed a hand on the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes. “I apologize. It seems I have shadows of my own I need to deal with.”

I didn’t even know that Dorian could get this deep, so analytical. Everything he said, made sense though. It made perfect sense. This man before me was going through something as well. “I didn’t realize you were such a poet.”

He chuckled, sitting straighter in his chair. “Conversation hasn’t been as stimulating since you decided to be rid of us.” Clearing his throat, he gave me the ‘let’s get down to business’ look. “Thoughts of your own?”

I stared at his grey eyes, trying to think of something as intense as him. “I wasn’t trying to be selfish. I was trying to keep you guys out of danger.”

Dorian’s mustache twitched, and he tilted his head, studying me. He gave a slight nod, knowing that this moment was big for me. Being back at Skyhold. Facing my fear that I disappointed and angered everyone. That was the most amazing part about Dorian. He knew what I needed to hear and when we needed to speak through silence. The only sounds of the hall were the muttering of some people in the front, but soon they were muted out as silence filled our thoughts.

The silence was terrible and the memories of the silence alone in the cell came back to me. The vision through the slits in the mask. The inability to move my mouth. Imagining life outside those walls. Free of chains and Qun. Well, here I was, and I was scared to be in a roomful of my people. Was I seriously that fucked up?

I had the ability to talk now. Touch people. Sing songs. Sing. The thing that brought comfort no matter the issue. The one thing that I felt I had to do every day before the Qun. The thing that helped me express myself, when no words could. I thought about what Dorian just said. How all humans make mistakes. How no matter what, we try to fix things, and end up making things worse without meaning to. We crave things we can’t have and mess up the things we do. We feel. We act on those feelings. We need to show how we feel in the only way we know how. For me…that is song.

I felt the rush of emotions in my chest, and a tear slid down my cheek. How did Dorian always find a way to make me feel so much when I never thought I could again? The words started coming out of my mouth before I had a moment to think about it, and I was singing. I had to sing. It was the only way to heal. The only way to fill the silence. “ _Well I heard there was a secret chord. That David played, and it pleased the Lord, but you don’t really care for music, do you?”_ My eyes closed, and I felt the intensity of the words in me. The way this song spoke in my time of clarity. When I needed to heal. When I needed to feel there was something more out there then just stars and a moon. “ _Well it goes like this, the fourth the fifth, the minor fall, the major lift. The baffled king composing, hallelujah.”_ As every hallelujah left my lips, I felt the emotion grow and soon my voice got louder.

 _“There was a time when you let me know, what's really going on below. But now you never show that to me, do you? But remember when I moved in you, and the holy dove was moving too. And every breath we drew was Hallelujah!”_ I felt myself rock forward with the emotion of the song and I put my hands to my chest, almost feeling like it was too much. “ _Maybe there's a God above, but all I've ever learned from love, was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you. And it's not a cry that you hear at night. It's not somebody who's seen the light. It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah! Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah.”_

I flittered open my eyes, to find an audience standing there, staring in shock before the applause echoed across the hall. I glanced across the table at Dorian in panic as he just gave me a smug smile, clapping and nodding in the direction of Josephine’s office. I followed and saw the crew, standing there, all wearing different emotions.

There they all were. Everyone. They were the ones that I fought to stay alive for. I felt my heart hammering, seeing them all together. Dorian shooed the onlookers out, leaving me alone with the others. It was time. I took a deep breath, pushing back my chair, standing up to face them all. I took a couple steps toward them glancing over at Cullen. He gave me an encouraging smile, giving me the courage to show them the person that came back to them. I took a deep breath before pulling my hood back, showing them my scars.

All of them took me in, observing the new me. I knew I was worse than they were expecting. The only one that wasn’t surprised was Solas. I held his eyes, and I knew things were going to be different between the two of us. If it wasn’t for him and his Fade fascination, I never would have made it home. Home. I looked at each of them again, before my eyes went back to Solas. I never thought that I would feel this way when I saw him in person.

I took a step forward, toward him, not realizing that I had so many pent-up emotions about him. That he was the one that found me in the Fade. That he was the one that told them to find me. That he was different than what I thought. His eyes were intense on me, sharing that it wasn’t a dream. That what happened was real. I slowly made my way to him, going as fast as my legs would allow. I may have given up on the Maker, Andraste, and God, but I knew that this god was looking out for me in a way. That he was there in my greatest hour of need.

I saw the confusion on his face, wondering what I was going to do, but I threw my arms around him, wishing there was more I could do than a hug. I felt the hesitation in him before his own arms wrapped around me. “When I was about to lose faith, you were the only god that came to give me any. Thank you,” I whispered to him, my voice breaking.

Solas pulled me away to put his hands on my shoulders, his blue eyes staring into mine. “You continue to surprise me with every interaction we have.”  I gave a twitch of my lips before I felt my legs start to shake and I knew the riding from today was catching up with me. “Commander,” he said, noticing my tremors.

The others were chatting with each other, trying not to stare. Cullen came and lifted me into his arms, silencing my potential protests with a look. I pulled my hood up, embarrassed by my scars. On the journey here, the others did well at making me forget I had them. Now, I was painfully aware that they were the focus of attention.

“Cassandra, if you could send out more patrols as discussed. Inquisitor, we will set up a war meeting for the morning with the Bull. However, it has been a long journey for those of us who have traveled,” Cullen announced and Cassandra nodded strutting past us.

“Of course, Commander,” she replied, her usual walk confident.

Branwen nodded and focused on Cullen. “We will see you then.” Her pale eyes went to me. “I am glad you are back.” I followed them with my eyes as Cullen walked away.

Cullen started back toward Solas’ study and I held onto him, more tired from the day than I thought. “I can walk,” I mumbled, and Cullen raised his eyebrows at me.

“You were barely able to stand on your feet not two minutes ago. Stop complaining and let me take care of you,” he ordered, and I rolled my eyes. “Yes, Commander,” I replied.

“Maker’s breath,” he let out, and I wondered what room he was planning on bringing me too. We crossed the rampart to his study and he opened the door. That’s when it really hit me. I was home. I saw the worn banners and desk. The small slit of a window.

“Can I get down?” I asked hesitantly, and Cullen gently lowered me, keeping an arm around my waist for support. I hesitantly started toward his desk and touched the papers that sat there. There were maps out with markings all over them. Letters were piled up and more than a few daggers were stuck in the dummy. Sticking out of from under the map was a familiar mark. I moved the map, pulling out the parchment, smiling. It was the drawing I drew for Cullen, all those months ago. “You kept it,” I whispered, tracing the lines with my fingertips.

He kissed the top of my head, glancing at the drawing over my shoulder. “Of course,” he answered. “I’ve kept something else, that I believe you should have back.” I felt him move my hair aside and tie something around my neck. I reached a hand up to curl my fingers around his coin. I felt the tears prick my eyes. I gripped it tighter, feeling a swell in my chest. Last time I saw this, I was pulling it off so that it wouldn’t be lost to him.

“Cullen, I’m-.” My voice broke and the guilt ate at me, whispering that this all could have been avoided. Cullen turned me toward him, and silenced me with his expression. It was one I haven’t seen on him before. A mix of worry and anxiety.

“I-I never want to have the Inquisitor hand me a necklace from you again,” he told me, brushing my cheek with his knuckles. “Twice is too…it’s too many. Understand?”

I nodded, squeezing the coin. I wrapped my arms around him, holding him to me. I tried to soak in the strength of him, his energy. “They’re going to want me to talk about it,” I mumbled into his chest.

Cullen stroked my hair, letting out a heavy sigh. “You don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to,” he told me, his voice low. “No one is forcing you.”

I glanced around, wanting to change the subject, and focused on his ladder and thought of the bed that rested above it. A bed. A familiar bed, not a cot on a boat. “We can’t climb the ladder,” I told him, knowing that there was no way I would be able to climb that if I couldn’t make the stairs.

Cullen didn’t take the bait and I knew that he knew exactly what I was thinking. “There is something you want to talk about,” he said, pushing me away slightly so he can look at my face. “Isn’t there?”

I pushed a hand through my hair, my eyes going around the room. I saw the same old stone that I used to know with the symbol that hung above his desk. His bookshelf full of books. The same ridiculous stack of debris in the corner. Wait. It snowed here. Did he fix the hole in his roof? Not the thing to be thinking about Kassy. There were so many things I wanted to share with him. So many things about myself that I wanted him to know. About my past. Me. The real me. Everything I kept hidden.

“Umm…umm yeah,” I answered, my eyes going to his golden ones. “Being away for almost half a year makes you think of things to tell someone if you ever get out.” I put a hand to my forehead and put the other on his arm. I gripped his arm tight as a Charlie horse formed in my right calf. “Shit,” I hissed, falling onto his desk and flexing my foot, angering the Charlie horse.

Cullen crouched down, holding my leg, studying it. “What is it?” I kept flexing my foot, knowing that I had to fight the pain before it is better. Then it hit me, all the talks I had with my dad. Working as a director in a mental health facility, he taught us to talk through issues so that they wouldn’t bottle up, causing mental break downs and epic panic attacks. Or nightmares. I would have to talk through what happened with someone before I got better. Starting with my past and going forward. Secrets have a way of being told anyhow, right?

Cullen rubbed my calf muscle, and I admired him. The curl and bounce of his hair. The way his eyes met mine with golden concern. How his hands were strong and yet so gentle with me. How he was doing everything possible in his power to help make me feel comfortable. “There’s someth…um somethings I think you should know.” He slowly stood up, crossing his arms. “Answers to questions you all have been asking since I arrived.”

“Such as?” He questioned, reaching out to help me up. He put an arm around my waist, helping me slowly to the door toward my room. The rush that came to me, standing on the rampart, made me realize that some of the most amazing moments of my life happened here. Either in Cullen’s office, my room, or this rampart. Our first kiss, touch, conversation, sex, and fight.

We began the walk down the rampart, our breath coming out as clouds in the cold. “How I knew about Samson.” Cullen’s grip got a little tighter, glancing over at me.

“I remember someone telling us never to ask,” he replied, his voice intrigued. He opened the door to my room and I blinked in the darkness. It was the same, yet…so different. There was a desk in the corner of my room with a chair. Blackwall. There was another trunk, opened, full of medical needs. My armor was laid on a chair, the blue vibrant in the dark. I glanced at the torch near us and it came to life. Cullen stared at it in shock and I made my way to the bed, hoping it was as comfortable as I remembered.

“It’s been coming naturally now,” I told him, sitting slowly on the bed. “Like it’s apart of me.” His eyes focused on me and he glanced back at the torch. He shook his head, probably not wanting to go into the different types of magic from between worlds.

He ran a hand through his curly hair, his tiredness evident with the way he seemed to be barely standing. When was the last time he slept properly? I took off my boots and my jacket, ready to get under the covers and pass out. Cullen stood there, staring at me, his face half in shadow, so I couldn’t read what he was thinking. I sat there, staring back, not sure where to start or what to say. I was fighting off the wanting to cry at happiness of being back home and the need to tell Cullen all my anxieties. All the things that happened. I needed someone to listen. What if he left? Or thought I was crazy?

I looked over at my trunk and thought about new clothes. A fresh shirt. That would be amazing. I stood up, heading to the trunk, only a few feet away. Cullen was by my side in a step, and I held out a hand. “I can do this,” I told him, and his mouth tightened. He looked at me like I was going to fall apart any second. Like I was weak. When did that start happening? A few months ago? Longer? “I’m not weak, okay?” I said quietly, glancing over at him.

He looked taken aback and struggled to find a proper reaction. “I-I…I never thought that, love.”

I focused on the trunk again, making it to it. I fell down to my knees quicker than I would have liked, my knee caps slamming into the brick. I winced slightly before opening the trunk and taking out a shirt. I closed the lid, using it to help myself back to my feet. I walked back to the bed, sitting down, feeling proud of the small victory.

Cullen smiled at me, so many thoughts now swirling in his eyes. What were they? How do I start the conversation of my past? “What are you thinking?” I asked him, fiddling with the new shirt in my hands.

“That I should let you get some rest,” he answered, coming to me and giving me a kiss. I responded, wishing that he could hold me again. I didn’t think he would with me looking the way I did. He stopped the kiss and I felt his hand still cupping my cheek.

I reached up a hand, and put my fingers through his, taking it away from my cheek. “I know you, Cullen. I see you have questions.”

His whiskey eyes flashed with surprise and he put a hand to the back of his neck. “Plenty of time to talk when I see you in the morning.” He put the palm of my hand to his lips. “You need rest.”

I panicked at his phrasing, wondering if he was going to sleep somewhere else. I felt the tears already and I tried to stop the attack from coming. “See me in the morning?”

“Yes. I was-.” I stopped him with an escaped sob, that made its way out unknowingly. There was genuine confusion on his face. “Since we were safe in Skyhold I thought….love? Why are you crying? Tell me.”

I wiped the tears from my face, feeling so stupid, but the panic I felt wouldn’t leave. I shook my head, trying to calm myself enough to speak. “They’re going to come, and I won’t be able to fight! They are going to come, and I will be dragged back there. They can’t drag me back! They are good at what they do, they could get into Skyhold.” I pushed a hand through my hair. “I can’t go back there, Cullen. I-I can’t! The chains, the horns. The voices.” I heard my gasping through the sobs. “I wouldn’t..I w-wouldn’t make it.”

Cullen was shushing me, holding my face between his hands, wiping tears, trying to understand what I was saying. I grabbed his wrists and his eyes studied my face, not knowing how to comfort me. “Shh, Kassy.”

“It’s all so real still. The images…voices…I…I remember every word they said,” I sniffed and told myself to calm down, that it was only a panic attack and to talk myself down. My brain wasn’t listening though. It needed to say it. “They broke me. I was going to join them the day you came.” Cullen was confused now, and I kept going, not knowing how to stop. “They turned me into a monster. I was going to join the Qun.”

“Kassy, it doesn’t matter anymore. You are here with me,” he told me in a soothing voice. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“You should,” I replied with a soft sob. “I am a mage. Different than any here. I have so much power at my fingertips. You were right all those years ago. You shouldn’t trust us. I was susceptible to the infernal whisperings of the demon. He snaked into my mind and corrupted my thoughts.” I felt the ache in my chest from the heaves of crying. “You can’t save me. You don’t know what I’ve become. You were right. There’s no use in trying to save a blood mage.”

Cullen shook his head, heat in his eyes. “I was wrong all those years ago. The Warden. King Alistair. They proved me wrong. Those mages were worth saving.” He adjusted himself on his knees, his grip a bit tighter. “You are not broken. You were hurt, but not broken.” His eyes were watery as he looked at me, at the person who changed to a frightened woman that was scared of the darkness. “You are not a monster. Do you understand? You are not a monster.”

“This isn’t what you signed up for,” I told him, shaking my head. I could barely understand myself between the sobs. “If you knew about how I know about Thedas. If you knew that I knew you before I ever came here. There is no logical reason for this to be real. I am probably in a hospital somewhere, waiting to come out of a coma.”

Cullen was trying to keep up and process what he was hearing, but I can tell that there were so many questions that needed answers. “This,” he placed a hand on my heart, feeling it beat under it. “Is real. We are real.” His other hand was on the back of my head now and he focused his eyes on mine. “You are what I signed up for. All of you. I-I…I wouldn’t be able to….my life is worthless without you.”

How did a man like him, love someone like me? I felt the rush of gratitude for this man and I kissed him hard, my arms wrapping around his neck. His hands went around my waist, pulling me into his lap as he wiped the hair from my face. I broke the kiss, feeling the heaviness disappearing a little. “I’m sorry,” I told him wiping my face of tears. I felt the hiccups come on and Cullen rolled his eyes, helping wipe the tears away.

“Enough apologizing. You are reacting exactly like anyone in your situation should.” He leaned his forehead against mine and I curled my fingers into his hair.

“Stay with me?” I asked him, and he chuckled as he pulled me into his chest, his hand stroking my hair.

“Always,” he replied, kissing the top of my head. “Let’s get you into bed. You’re going to need your sleep. You have a lot of questions to answer tomorrow,” he informed me.

I nodded, neither of us making any attempt to move from this position. I thought about the softness of the mattress. The feel of sheets and blankets. The way a pillow supports a head in its cloudy magic. Then I thought about the man that was going to sleep next to me in that bed. Maker’s breath, I couldn’t wait until I could do more than just sleep in that bed. 


End file.
